₦airaland Forum

There is this motion that giving birth to children is an achievement in this country. I see young guys in mid and late twenties rushing into marriage while they are barely standing on their feet. From someone that comes from a family of 10 I'm sure if my dad is given a second chance he won't give birth as much children again. Let me share some of my experiences as regards giving birth without proper planning or sustainable income.

I've a neighbor in my compound, he's 32 and in his final year in the university, I can hardly have decent conversation with him without hearing about how he wants to get married. I would always remind him that he's living in a one room apartment, still a student without a strong source of income, but he would counter me saying that he can always start small and grow with his wife. Moreover when he gives birth he would have an investment.

I've have another friend that was a classmate in secondary school, he graduated the year I got admission though he had some issues with his results. One day he called me that he's married and I was surprised, though he is an artisan into all those parapets and pop stuffs I know he wasn't financially buoyant enough to carry a family. The last time I visited him he was looking malnourished and unable to sort out his issues in school almost four years after because according to him any money that he gets already has a pending issue waiting for it. He's looking far older than his elder brother who's still single, he looks 38 when he's just 30. He consoled himself by telling me that even if he doesn't have money he already has two kids which he sees an investment and a great achievement. Meanwhile they are cramped into a single room apartment and none of the kids are enrolled in school.

Last week while we were training in the evening, an argument broke out between two young guys. I was just by the side observing what was happening, I kept hearing stuffs like....why you dey argue with that guy? you no know say na person father he be? that guy don born two children o abi you think say e easy to born, na big achievement be that o. Now this is a guy that is about 25 years and has no sustainable means of income, he works in peoples farms and other menial jobs to make ends meet.

My next door married neighbor has become a torn in my flesh, he's always borrowing from me without paying so it's obvious he's struggling financially, factor in the constant arguments with his wife due to shortage of funds all the time. I once asked him why rushed to get married without a good source of income and he bluntly told me that he had always been broke while he was single and still broke now that he's married the only difference is that he can boast of his kids as an achievement unlike when he was single that he had nothing to boast of.

I have no issues what so ever with how anyone choose to life their life but considering the economic condition of this country now bringing in kids without proper plans is not the way to go. If my dad had given birth to maybe 3 kids I'm sure he wouldn't be stressed out the way he is now and the resources used in training 8 kids would be better managed on just 3kids.

Personally I feel that one of the surest way to perpetual poverty as a young guy is to get married while struggling financially. Like one of the examples above, he cast aside his personal development and aspirations just to cater for his family. Supposing he's still single I'm sure he would have cleared he's outstanding school fees and maybe get his certificate.

Well since I'm still single and still struggling I don't judge anybody, every mallam to his kettle. As for me no marriage till I'm financially stable enough to afford at least 3 bedroom flat, a small car and substantial savings. It would be an abomination for me to bring a child into this world to pass through the kind of life I had growing up.

Louder @ op let he who hath ear listen

Op,fyi:

A richman of 60yrs with no child.
And a 3rd world man of 60yrs with children.

No be mate.
#Ahamefula.

Nairalanders are too ignorant to see things your way. Oh well.

Op, you sabi cho cho o! Only you with all these stories for children matter. Are you not also a shidren?

ahn ahn!!

Supreme145:
There is this motion that giving birth to children is an achievement in this country. I see young guys in mid and late twenties rushing into marriage while they are barely standing on their feet. From someone that comes from a family of 10 I'm sure if my dad is given a second chance he won't give birth as much children again. Let me share some of my experiences as regards giving birth without proper planning or sustainable income.

I've a neighbor in my compound, he's 32 and in his final year in the university, I can hardly have decent conversation with him without hearing about how he wants to get married. I would always remind him that he's living in a one room apartment, still a student without a strong source of income, but he would counter me saying that he can always start small and grow with his wife. Moreover when he gives birth he would have an investment.

I've have another friend that was a classmate in secondary school, he graduated the year I got admission though he had some issues with his results. One day he called me that he's married and I was surprised, though he is an artisan into all those parapets and pop stuffs I know he wasn't financially buoyant enough to carry a family. The last time I visited him he was looking malnourished and unable to sort out his issues in school almost four years after because according to him any money that he gets already has a pending issue waiting for it. He's looking far older than his elder brother who's still single, he looks 38 when he's just 30. He consoled himself by telling me that even if he doesn't have money he already has two kids which he sees an investment and a great achievement. Meanwhile they are cramped into a single room apartment and none of the kids are enrolled in school.

Last week while we were training in the evening, an argument broke out between two young guys. I was just by the side observing what was happening, I kept hearing stuffs like....why you dey argue with that guy? you no know say na person father he be? that guy don born two children o abi you think say e easy to born, na big achievement be that o. Now this is a guy that is about 25 years and has no sustainable means of income, he works in peoples farms and other menial jobs to make ends meet.

My next door married neighbor has become a torn in my flesh, he's always borrowing from me without paying so it's obvious he's struggling financially, factor in the constant arguments with his wife due to shortage of funds all the time. I once asked him why rushed to get married without a good source of income and he bluntly told me that he had always been broke while he was single and still broke now that he's married the only difference is that he can boast of his kids as an achievement unlike when he was single that he had nothing to boast of.

I have no issues what so ever with how anyone choose to life their life but considering the economic condition of this country now bringing in kids without proper plans is not the way to go. If my dad had given birth to maybe 3 kids I'm sure he wouldn't be stressed out the way he is now and the resources used in training 8 kids would be better managed on just 3kids.

Personally I feel that one of the surest way to perpetual poverty as a young guy is to get married while struggling financially. Like one of the examples above, he cast aside his personal development and aspirations just to cater for his family. Supposing he's still single I'm sure he would have cleared he's outstanding school fees and maybe get his certificate.

Well since I'm still single and still struggling I don't judge anybody, every mallam to his kettle. As for me no marriage till I'm financially stable enough to afford at least 3 bedroom flat, a small car and substantial savings. It would be an abomination for me to bring a child into this world to pass through the kind of life I had growing up.

Having children is an achievement.
Marrying without good source of income is bad. But this is another topic.

" I once asked him why rushed to get married without a good source of income and he bluntly told me that he had always been broke while he was single and still broke now that he's married the only difference is that he can boast of his kids as an achievement unlike when he was single that he had nothing to boast of."........

..

I would not say it is an achievement but carrying a pregnancy and giving birth is hard work. At least for me. Some women claim it has been the most beautiful time of their lives. They are superwomen. I am not.

I see no problem in getting married early even though you are still building your life. You can build your lives together and support each other. But I would recommend those young couples to use family planning methods and wait with the kids until they can take care of them.

True,but yet again, u might acquire all these and still go broke after marriage.

There is no particular time table to live, things happens. Table can turn on anyone at any time.

Well, having kids is an achievement to those capable of taking care of them, it is a burden to those barely able to feed themselves talk more of the kids, and my interpretation of their situation is that of wickedness, selfishness, and pure evil, because I can never understand how some humans still trying to make sense of their lives, will bring another to the world to suffer with them, then call it an achievement.

Op it's not honestly. It's not even money to take care of kids. Mine is my kids being Nigerian citizens. I will cry myself everyday to sleep. Even dating is so expensive in Nigeria talk less of marriage. Just take a girl out and before you can say jack Robinson 20k is gone whereas me as a single guy will go out and have so much fun for 15k or even 10k. I really don't envy married men especially with all the nonsense I see around me.

To me, there's no achievement in giving birth to children one can't cater for.

God even prepare the garden of Eden before creating Adam

U have said it all,in fact, u laid it bar for everyone with sense to learn.
I am 38 years old guy with three children and I can tell u that,time is coming when a child would be bigger responsibility for most parents to care for. The economy is not getting better at all.

Just like u mentioned that u guys were ten in number,my dad had us 5 and I decided to trim mine to the exact number I can feed,educate and nurtured according to my investments and salary. U have been there and that is why u could talk with confidence about matters like this.
My advice is this:
Every man should endeavour to marry an industrious woman becauee the so called one income idea is no longer working for anyone especially now that no one can predicts the future financially. Save to invest and create additional income.

Supreme145:
There is this motion that giving birth to children is an achievement in this country. I see young guys in mid and late twenties rushing into marriage while they are barely standing on their feet. From someone that comes from a family of 10 I'm sure if my dad is given a second chance he won't give birth as much children again. Let me share some of my experiences as regards giving birth without proper planning or sustainable income.

I've a neighbor in my compound, he's 32 and in his final year in the university, I can hardly have decent conversation with him without hearing about how he wants to get married. I would always remind him that he's living in a one room apartment, still a student
Personally I feel that one of the surest way to perpetual poverty as a young guy is to get married while struggling financially. Like one of the examples above, he cast aside his personal development and aspirations just to cater for his family. Supposing he's still single I'm sure he would have cleared he's outstanding school fees and maybe get his certificate.

Well since I'm still single and still struggling I don't judge anybody, every mallam to his kettle. As for me no marriage till I'm financially stable enough to afford at least 3 bedroom flat, a small car and substantial savings. It would be an abomination for me to bring a child into this world to pass through the kind of life I had growing up.

@Tensazangetsu20,

OssyMalik:
Op, you sabi cho cho o! Only you with all these stories for children matter. Are you not also a shidren?

ahn ahn!!

Madam na my opinion, this is a forum and everyone is free to express his or her self. If you like breed like chickens it's not my business.

Supreme145:
There is this motion that giving birth to children is an achievement in this country. I see young guys in mid and late twenties rushing into marriage while they are barely standing on their feet. From someone that comes from a family of 10 I'm sure if my dad is given a second chance he won't give birth as much children again. Let me share some of my experiences as regards giving birth without proper planning or sustainable income.

I've a neighbor in my compound, he's 32 and in his final year in the university, I can hardly have decent conversation with him without hearing about how he wants to get married. I would always remind him that he's living in a one room apartment, still a student without a strong source of income, but he would counter me saying that he can always start small and grow with his wife. Moreover when he gives birth he would have an investment.

I've have another friend that was a classmate in secondary school, he graduated the year I got admission though he had some issues with his results. One day he called me that he's married and I was surprised, though he is an artisan into all those parapets and pop stuffs I know he wasn't financially buoyant enough to carry a family. The last time I visited him he was looking malnourished and unable to sort out his issues in school almost four years after because according to him any money that he gets already has a pending issue waiting for it. He's looking far older than his elder brother who's still single, he looks 38 when he's just 30. He consoled himself by telling me that even if he doesn't have money he already has two kids which he sees an investment and a great achievement. Meanwhile they are cramped into a single room apartment and none of the kids are enrolled in school.

Last week while we were training in the evening, an argument broke out between two young guys. I was just by the side observing what was happening, I kept hearing stuffs like....why you dey argue with that guy? you no know say na person father he be? that guy don born two children o abi you think say e easy to born, na big achievement be that o. Now this is a guy that is about 25 years and has no sustainable means of income, he works in peoples farms and other menial jobs to make ends meet.

My next door married neighbor has become a torn in my flesh, he's always borrowing from me without paying so it's obvious he's struggling financially, factor in the constant arguments with his wife due to shortage of funds all the time. I once asked him why rushed to get married without a good source of income and he bluntly told me that he had always been broke while he was single and still broke now that he's married the only difference is that he can boast of his kids as an achievement unlike when he was single that he had nothing to boast of.

I have no issues what so ever with how anyone choose to life their life but considering the economic condition of this country now bringing in kids without proper plans is not the way to go. If my dad had given birth to maybe 3 kids I'm sure he wouldn't be stressed out the way he is now and the resources used in training 8 kids would be better managed on just 3kids.

Personally I feel that one of the surest way to perpetual poverty as a young guy is to get married while struggling financially. Like one of the examples above, he cast aside his personal development and aspirations just to cater for his family. Supposing he's still single I'm sure he would have cleared he's outstanding school fees and maybe get his certificate.

Well since I'm still single and still struggling I don't judge anybody, every mallam to his kettle. As for me no marriage till I'm financially stable enough to afford at least 3 bedroom flat, a small car and substantial savings. It would be an abomination for me to bring a child into this world to pass through the kind of life I had growing up.

.

If u have a productive woman u love then u are good to.

U can get married and have ur children gradually and build together

I've stated same here:

Gerrard59:
Giving birth to children you cannot cater for: Like I stated here (https://www.nairaland.com/3450586/poor-un-intelligent-people-should-not), giving birth is cheap (depends on certain factors) but raising children isn’t as you are basically catering for another individual or set of people over a long period of time. People frown when their friends/relatives/acquaintances overstay in their houses because of the attendant costs. Now imagine having those individuals with you over a decade or two under your care, financially, emotionally, morally, physically, spiritually etc. That is what it means to raise children. The aspect of procreating to 3 or 4 children when you know the dysfunctional system you reside is befuddling and amusing. The worst is when they expect these children to cater for them in the future whereas same children are battling with limited economic opportunities.

I know someone whose wife died more than a decade ago and had four children from the marriage. He took care of them as he progressed in his place of work, unfortunately, he has issues with the new boss (he is quite opinionated) resulting in his promotion being stalled and salary withheld (according to what he me). The issue here: he remarried few years ago and is currently not finding things easy as the industry he is in was severely affected by the pandemic and lockdown measures. In that wedding, he spent a lot of money. I am sure the new wife will want to birth her own children as I hear that she had only a sibling which came many years after. Which makes me wonder why Nigerian men are not interested in vasectomy because it solves lots of problems including having children with other women outside marriage (another cost to finance).

Over the years, in the non-tertiary sub-sector, private organisations have surpassed public systems as the most preferred for most Nigerians even though these people were educated in the public systems. But at the tertiary level, the vast majority go to public institutions which truthfully the government cannot continue to subsidise going forward in the face of declining crude oil prices. Although, the oil industry constitutes less than 10% of the country’s GDP, it rakes the most foreign exchange contributing at least 80%. However, the price has declined; almost every country is discovering oil, technology has made it easier & faster in non-OPEC countries, alternatives are springing up, major buyers aim to phase out certain aspects of crude oil derivatives in their systems etc. Inevitably, the price has reduced which is not what we need to sustain the ballooning population and cost of governance. Thus, the government does not have enough money to cater for everyone (even if there is no corruption). This implies that the education system will be starved of much needed funds. I explained it here:

Gerrard59:
The future is private universities. Most millennials' parents attended public schools, but they (millennials) attend(ed) private schools - from primary to secondary, and to extent, increasingly, universities. In the future, these millennials' children will attend private universities. How many people are willing to send their kids to public schools these days (primary to secondary)?

However, this is not how things should be in a well-run nation. We're abdicating the responsibility of providing quality education to private individuals which is wrong as the vast majority of the populace will always attend public institutions. In a place like Singapore, the rich, middle class and lower class individuals attend public schools and public schools in saner places are where quality education is provided at affordable costs. Abdicating the responsibility of providing quality education to private individuals will get to the stage of the US where it is your economic background that will say if you're to obtain quality education and not your brain power. However, unlike the US where there are surfeit of scholarships and financial assistance, we don't have such here.

Will I send my kids to a private university if I remain in Nigeria? Affirmative! But is that how things ought to be? No. It should be that parents who desire to send their kids to private universities do so because they desire to, not because that is the only option of obtaining quality education for their wards.

The class war in the future will be epic to watch.

Gerrard59:
Some excerpts from the article:

"The economic impact is also worse than it looks. Because sub-Saharan Africa’s population is growing at 2.7% a year, GDP needs to grow at least as fast, or people will become poorer. Last year the area’s economy shrank for the first time in 25 years. Some 32m people fell into extreme poverty (earning below $1.90 a day), erasing five years of progress against want, says the World Bank. Millions more may have lost their place in the nascent middle class."

"Covid-19 has exposed the weakness of Africa’s biggest economies, Nigeria and South Africa, which generate almost half of sub-Saharan GDP. Nigeria, the continent’s largest oil producer and home to one-fifth of sub-Saharan Africans, faces an “unprecedented crisis”, says the World Bank, which seldom uses such blunt language. More than two in three households are poorer than a year ago. By 2022 the number of Nigerians who are extremely poor is expected to rise by 20m, to 100m".


https://www.economist.com/middle-east-and-africa/2021/02/06/africas-recovery-from-covid-19-will-be-slow

---

The future is precarious. As someone residing in Sub-Saharan Africa, you are likely to be poor, un(under)employed than your counterpart elsewhere. It is a not a wish or curse but simple analysis. Nigeria is even having it better, what about folks in Liberia, Burkina Faso, Mauritania, Cameroon etc>? Anyone who is smart should either japa, adopt stringent birth control policies and/or postpone childbirth indefinitely.

https://www.nairaland.com/6035550/nigerians-poverty-certain-acts-perpetuate

---

OP, improve on your skill set, earn higher and relocate from that neighbourhood. Hold steadfast to your beliefs about wanton fecundity as Nigeria(ns) will get poorer not richer in the next decade. The current poverty is just a preamble, the worst is yet to come.

ogawisdom:
.

If u have a productive woman u love then u are good to.

U can get married and have ur children gradually and build together

True boss but the situation of things in this country is already out of hand, it's a gamble I'm not willing to take.

Supreme145:
True boss but the situation of things in this country is already out of hand, it's a gamble I'm not willing to take.

From your profile, you're learning programming, learn it very well, build projects, prep for interviews and apply for jobs. If you desire, apply for jobs abroad so you get out ASAP! Don't let alone deceive you about building your marriage gradually. You're residing in the world's poverty capital and do remember that misery loves company. BTW, how many Nigerian ladies are prepared to postpone childbearing for at least two years?!

You're a man o, don't rush it.

Supreme145:
True boss but the situation of things in this country is already out of hand, it's a gamble I'm not willing to take.

Avoid liability and marry an asset. Nyansh n boobs no be asset. What happens if u are 40 and not yet financially bouyant?

ogawisdom:
Avoid liability and marry an asset. Nyansh n boobs no be asset. What happens if u are 40 and not yet financially bouyant?

It's better to be 40 and single and poor than 40 and married and poor.

tensazangetsu20:
It's better to be 40 and single and poor than 40 and married and poor.

Ah swear down.... you can't compare

Supreme145:
Ah swear down.... you can't compare

Besides men can marry anytime they want even at 80. I for one want to marry at 50. 50 because they say single people regret being single at 50. I am happy being single now but if I reach 50 and don't like it I go marry then at least I go don dey see better money probably as a software architect or CTO.

tensazangetsu20:
Besides men can marry anytime they want even at 80. I for one want to marry at 50. 50 because they say single people regret being single at 50. I am happy being single now but if I reach 50 and don't like it I go marry then at least I go don dey see better money probably as a software architect or CTO.

Omo bro your own pass my own o, e choke 50 years

Supreme145:

Omo bro your own pass my own o, e choke 50 years

Yes o. That time I go dey Don enjoy everything I wan enjoy ehen. If I am bored I go marry if not I will just continue enjoyment and flexing.

ogawisdom:
Avoid liability and marry an asset. Nyansh n boobs no be asset. What happens if u are 40 and not yet financially bouyant?

If he's 40 years and not yet achieved, then he can remain single all his life: nothing bad in that, after all marriage is double struggle for a man from humble background.

As regards all these "assets" talk you folks use to qualify some women, it is total hogwash. 99.99989 % of women are hypergamous, seek comfort and still wants the man to provide regardless of the fact whether she has her own money or not. In fact, the so called "assets" don't exist.

ibechris:
U have said it all,in fact, u laid it bar for everyone with sense to learn.
I am 38 years old guy with three children and I can tell u that,time is coming when a child would be bigger responsibility for most parents to care for. The economy is not getting better at all.

Just like u mentioned that u guys were ten in number,my dad had us 5 and I decided to trim mine to the exact number I can feed,educate and nurtured according to my investments and salary. U have been there and that is why u could talk with confidence about matters like this.
My advice is this:
Every man should endeavour to marry an industrious woman becauee the so called one income idea is no longer working for anyone especially now that no can predicts the future financially. Save to invest and create additional income.

All these so called "Industrious woman" na scam. Better one!

Having children is an achievement but not an investment( as in retirement plan or get out of poverty card for parents). If u think u can take care of 6 children, have 3 instead and make them have a happy & comfortable childhood..Don't be like some people who give birth to kids & throw them away to Almajiri or hustle.....It's wrong religiously & morally..

Be a human, take good care of ur kids

AntiMCU:
All these so called "Industrious woman" na scam. Better one!

My wife is as industrious as I am!

May be u are still doing boyfriend and girl friend.

Dindondin:
Having children is an achievement.
Marrying without good source of income is bad. But it is another topic.

An achievement, you say, meaning that these kids out there having kids of their own even outside of marriage are pretty much achieving a lot too, right?

Foodqueen:
True,but yet again, u might acquire all these and still go broke after marriage.

There is no particular time table to live, things happens. Table can turn on anyone at any time.

That is why you make plans and have some form of insurance to booth before you start popping those kids out.