Ok

Hmm

You married a woman that doesn't have a mind of her own. So because she lived with her, she's got to fufill her wishes? Nonsense!

That woman is very wicked and doesn't want good things for your wife but she can't make it look so obvious, hence the reason she's more fixated on frustrating you.

Well, it's your cross, carry it.

A single man is a happy and healthy man.

Mood11:
It's only your wife that can address the situation.. Anything you try to do will make them further see you as an enemy.

You're right. The wife is becoming too foolish.

Your wife is being blackmailed. Tell her to confess to you whatever it is she's holding back. Then forgive her as the case may be.

Finally, take leadership of your home. Let even your parents know you are in charge talkless of your in-laws.

uyimen:



Thanks my brother u nailed me.
I saw all the red flags...yes.
During the dating/marriage plans all i hear is My Aunty , My Aunty ... My Aunty... I then told her after this marriage i will be First not last!!

Worst of all ...during the pre marriage she will hastening leave my house fearing what the Aunty elder daughter will say when she get home. A classical Cinderella story.

I honestly thought it will end when we get married.

What u cant handle during courtship u cant handle in marriage.

Sorry you had to know this the hard way

You see problem and still choke your head inside it. I can never be close to anyone showing some unnecessary hatred towards me. I don't have any advice for you.

uyimen:
Good day,
Pls help me with ur advice , i know u wont be shy to tell me if am wrong.

I got married to my dream wife, she lived with a relative for 18yrs who she also called mummy, she have a biological mother, who saw her through school (university level) though she was living with this Aunty.

Problem started when i came to marry her , the Aunty was hostile, she kept coming up with issue to paint me bad. I was repeatedly called to come and explain irrelevant provocative issues sure as why i travelled to inform my wife biological mother of my wedding plans. After the bride price payment and rites duly performed, She still made me perform an additional party which she called a traditional marriage outing party in her compound. All these i did for peace sake. No one including family members, husband children or even my wife ,dear opposes her to caution her ..In all these my wife kept on saying *she stayed with her for 18yrs.*
Worst of all u latter gathered from friends that this said Aunty was laying curses on us during the marriage, that the marriage will fail and my wife will return to her with tales of martial wows.
Then she warned me to stop calling her mummy. In all these my wife was always in tears through the honeymoon.
I ignored just becos i knew after the marriage things will change. This Aunty feed my wife with all forms of manipulative desires to set us up. and even requesting feedbacks from her in some case, words here are not enough to explain all.

To my surprise two yrs into the marriage this said Aunty and her children are still key important figures in my wife live, they have access to her and my home at will, somethings they plan visits when am at work.

Each of there visits leave us in weeks of quarrels . now its me my wife blames.

Friends what do i do now, my wife insists that because of 18yrs of living with them so i should let go and pretend nothing ever went wrong.
Pls advise me.

Bro you are man, and I believe you have been understanding enough. Take up your responsibility as a man and caution your wife and her so called aunt. Bro if you dont do that let's hope they won't kick you out of your own house

eazzzy1:


Understandable, but your wife is an adult capable of making her own decisions. You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. You are already fighting over the woman’s matter, meaning her prophecies about your marriage are gradually coming to pass.

Get closer to her real mother, invite her over, visit her often, call her, send her money etc just leave your wife to the aunty, one day her eyes will clear but that’s not really something within your control, except you want to take people’s advice here and end your marriage.

As long as your wife isn’t forcing you to have a relationship with the woman, just ignore them. Atleast that’s what I would if I were in your shoes.

Did you read the part where he said the woman is causing issues in his marriage? Cursing them and setting them up to fail?

eazzzy1:


Hmmm I’m not married sir! but what would you do about a manipulative aunt? Especially when your partner doesn’t the manipulation? Would you force her to see things from your perspective? I like people to make their own mistakes, that’s how people learn best.

To make their own mistakes where? In his house? Do you know how costly some mistakes can be?

Bros, this your view will change once you marry. You will know that your peace of mind is more important than trying to pacify one aunty that doesn't want to be pacified

uyimen:


Thanks for your view. this is exactly my wife view on the issue. But what am seeking advice for is not saving me from her Aunty, but how saving her from her Aunty.
She has accused my wife for taking the shine off her children, ie taking their destiny, what mother will say that?
What i dont understand should i allow it simply becos she stayed there of 18yrs. 18yrs of serving her and her children. Dont even want to talk about that.
Worst of all my wife relationship wit her biological mum who i term the best mother inlaw ever!!! is near zero, out of fear how the Aunty wont take it.

I love ur contribution but is not the case here.

Talk to your wife sir...
Tell her that it's either she focuses on building her home by not allowing her aunty to control her or she goes back to that her aunty...

I know this advice may cause very severe issues, buh I'd rather send my wife away than allow an aunty from god-knows-where to run my home for me...

Mehn, that aunty needs to know her place...
You can't continue to live like this forever, man up to her and challenge her while looking like an angry lion that wants to eat her up...

If your wife isn't conversant with it, that's her problem...

She has to understand that her niece is married now and needs privacy...

Nna, handle things now bfr it becomes worst...

Op, I want you to "put yourself in your wife's shoes". You need to understand that women are often emotionally attached to their family members especially those that raised them, it is usually difficult to break the bond suddenly because of marriage. Everyone has that evil crazy extended family member, but we don't throw them away just because they are bad, we just establish caution when relating with them, blood is thicker than water. She has known this woman all her life and see the aunt as her second mother, forcing her to break all ties will put her in a very difficult position ( that's how you get a bitter wife). She might hold it against you in the future especially when relating to your own family members. However, you can relocate to a different place where it will be difficult them to have free access to your house. Then, you can tell her to reduce communication with them to the barest minimum.
To nairalanders with their baised and one sided advice. Assuming it was a woman that came to seek advice on the case of her husband's evil aunt who practically raised him for 18 years, but didn't like her nor wanted him to marry her, so she laid curses on her during the wedding ceremony but she and her children still comes to the house at will after the wedding. The advice will be completely different. You will hear things like " forgive her, she is like a mother to your husband", " no wife should separate a man from his relatives irrespective of what they have done", " you have to learn to accommodate your husband's relatives" etc.
Most of you guys can't take half of what you dish out.
Just because we are women doesn't mean no one ever sacrificed for us, you usually forget that someone raised your wives, they paid the price and invested so much in them to that level that you got married to them. If they had not sacrifice for them, you won't have gotten that beautiful woman you call your wife today.

uyimen:


True i have been my gentle about it. Maybe is truly there view.

You have been gentle to a fault

You saw all the writings on the wall you still went ahead



You spend and overspend still na curse


That one na witch.

you better increase your prayers with genuine men of God

Very simple. Relocate abroad, let them board British airways anytime they want to come and control your marriage.

Destroy her too

It's not your Aunty's wife fault
It your wife that doesn't value you.
Why can't the universe just match wicked people with wicked people?
Person dey find soul mate, some people found and still misbehaving
Oga gan

I think the problem is, your wife doesn’t see her Aunty’s behaviour as wrong. Until your wife realises that, you will always have this issue. Let them know that if she doesn’t respect you, you too will not respect her. Every family has situations like this where two people don’t like each other. It’s not strange.

I don't know why some family people just like interfering in other people's marriage.
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So you saw all these signs from the beginning and yet you proceeded to marry the girl? Because her honeypot dey drip liquid gold or because you lost all hope of ever finding another girl that would agree to marry your pathetic self?

All these foolish guys and their endless self-inflicted woes dey always make me vex.

Hmmmm

This is what happens when you think you have won a lottery by marrying someone. You lack control, and so afraid. Well carry your cross for as long as you can

Relocate to far distance, very important
Secondly, try to avoid discussions with your wife about her past for awhile. Allow her mingle with new friends

uyimen:
Just to add that initially there was nothing i did not do humanly possible to please these people name it. All to no avail.

Is it compulsory for you to have married the lady?

Some of you men sef, you have been seeing the red light, yet still deep yourself into wahala.

Brother, na your wife stayed with her for 18years not you. Wonder where all una weak men they come out from this days.

E get reason why they say men need to be matured before getting married. No be come pick small money and jump into marriage.

If any third party can have influence in your marriage and even to control your wife, trust me my man, you not a matured man.

No problem at all. The only problem I see here is a weak ass man who doesn't know that once a man gets married he has to move his family (pitch his tent) in a far away city to avoid stories that touch

You need to work on your wife in other to conquer the woman that claiming God, this issue would have been addressed before your marriage but since you can't do that is your wife that will work on the woman
With prayer and endurance you will conquer

uyimen:


That is were the attack is strong becos, when i caution my wife she flares in anger and we could start a week long fight....

Grow some balls o, na you marry wife, na you pay bride price, them no pay groom price for your head. It's your home, you decide how it should be. If your marriage fails, the blame will start from you. So please ensure you are actually the head of your home. Not asking to maltreat your wife, but anything that will affect the peace of your home, stomp it into the ground. Na man you be my brother.

Akwaibomdude:
If you try moving away from them(the aunty)and your wife doesn't agree...tell her to go and marry them

He shouldn't have marry such a lady from such a family sef.

I no fit marry from any family wey no go let me have peace of mind.

LordIsaac:
You cannot please a soul who refuses to be pleased. Embrace the label she has already put on you and show your wife who calls the shots. The day she establishes any form of contact with them against your instruction, leave the house for her till they all kneel before you. Stupid inlaws!

if only he can do this...You said it all...my wife stayed with one aunty too like that for close 20years,they dare not try such with cus dem know say I get craze.....Man wey no get craze no fit control him house,sometimes gentle words doesn’t solve anything,I go carry 3 shirts,off to an hotel,when you are ready to listen,I will come back...