Nairaland, in fact every online and offline discussions nowadays are riddled with cases of broken marriages. Young people are getting scared of commitment to the extent that it's now obvious that some people enter marriage with divorce and separation in their front view mirror.

What's really going wrong? Is it the society or the individual?

Most of us have parents that have been married for close to four decades; in all glory, tribulations, comfort, sufferings, joys, sadness and happiness that marriage comes packaged with. Yet still I don't think there is an adult here that doesn't know a friend of his thinking of divorce and even going through with it.

I do believe that the modern society and the modern man (man and woman) is the cause of sordid stories and occurrences in marriage today. Yes we do have irreconcilable circumstances that can actively lead to divorce; example issues of serious deception which invalidates the marriage despite "the words" of marriage been spoken. But most cases of divorces we have today are in my view mostly inconsequential. What we have is mostly cases of disagreement, misunderstanding, he or she doesn't respect me, his or her attitude just changed.

People are no more patient to sit down and talk.

People are no more patient enough to sit down and talk because the society has made dating actually easier. You can on your data, and meet someone you could never have met immediately and gratify yourselves.

This case of man or woman being at our beck and call has made us foolhardy to work towards bettering what we have at hand. It has given us unnecessary pride which makes both genders believe that temporary happiness is the goal, an utopia which lives us disappointed as days go on.

I'm tired of writing. The bone of the matter is, we should re-learn how to face each other, and TALK. There are always ways of working things out, if we put aside our pride and realise that unions are formed on compromise! Marriage is and will always be a work in progress. My parents that are married for close to 40 years, are not always happy, in fact we children now even settles some of their minor issues, it's funny but it's human and natural.

I must have misyarned in some cases, kindly point out for further discussion.

Thanks

Feminism happened

ibkonekt:
Feminism happened

Feminism arguably was a major contributor, and it affected mostly black families

socialmediaman:


Feminism arguably was a major contributor, and it affected mostly black families

Feminism is not the problem, Feminism never advocates for divorce but for equall rights were women are treated less or blocked to progress because one is a woman

Feminism differ from country to country, and in every country's culture and religion, eg a woman in Qatar feminism to them was the right to drive cars like men, then in nigeria it might mean to be treated equally with men in boardroom eg 7 boad members and 1 is woman she is being expected to serve tea to others simple becoz she is a woman by virtue

Feminism simply means equal rights mostly in work places or woman's development without being disadvantaged

The problem with high broken marriages is simply becoz women are now able to provide for themselves they nolonger fear to be alone becoz she able to provide for herself. Remember her family sent to her school to be educated and to be able to work one day

So now dynamics have changed where men have lost the control in the family as both are now breadwinners. am 46 our mothers were disadvantage becoz most either never went to school or went half way were simply housewives and our father would abuse their wives becoz they knew that they can not provide for themselves they would rather tolerate abuse than being shamed as divorcee and not able to have their own income

Now things have changed, it hard to abuse someone who has her own source of income they would just walk away

Most women are either becoming abuser just like their fathers or correcting the mistakes of their mothers by not accepting abuse of resource to control someone from leaving the marriage, so instead of staying for the sake of marriage to be called Mrs its a none starter for them they rather leave

Then for men we are also stuck in the past were think we can manipulate our wives like our father used to do forgetting that these two women aka our mothers and our present wives are different as in our wives are also educated just like us and a higher % are working bring income in the house compared to our mother who were educated to primary 7 and were just housewives, a big disadvantage to them, their were prone to financial
abuse etc

As men we dont see the rights women are fighting for simply becoz we benefiting more from current setting that disadvantages women then on the other hand women are misusing feminism especially in family homes or set up to settle scores

No long story, many marriages today are born out of Lusty desires. We all know lust doesn't last, if you are unable to differentiate lust from love then you could end up with a partner you will want nothing with anymore.

Then cheating creeps in and heart breaks and pretense, false regret follow.

Many people don't regret cheating on their partner, they pretend to do.

Elianawalker:
No long story, many marriages today are born out of Lusty desires. We all know lust doesn't last, if you are unable to differentiate lust from love then you could end up with a partner you will want nothing with anymore.

Then cheating creeps in and heart breaks and pretense, false regret follow.

Many people don't regret cheating on their partner, they pretend to do.

ok lets take that also a point

but dont you also think that women were trapped by virtue of not being also breadwinner? He who controls your finance control you and if they say jump you say ask how high?

Most women of the old generation tolerated abuse becoz they had no were to go aka without your own income you are trapped, society lookeddown on divorces, your own parents would sent you back if your husband is an abuser etc

ZIMDRILL:


ok lets take that also a point

but dont you also think that women were trapped by virtue of not being also breadwinner? He who controls your finance control you and if they say jump you say ask how high?

Most women of the old generation tolerated abuse becoz they had no were to go aka without your own income you are trapped, society lookeddown on divorces, your own parents would sent you back if your husband is an abuser etc

Truth is, a lot of women don't want to go out and hustle on their own even if all the resources is right before them because women deserve competition or the tough life.

Many prefer to look up to a man to do it all and so they can just come in and enjoy life.


It's all part of the lust, be it lust for Money or lust for body, if can ruin us.


When she married him because of his wealth and she is treated like a slave or less of herself she becomes stranded because she has nothing.


If most women had wealth they would most likely conclude that they don't need men anymore but that is usually their mistake.

They only realize it when then start hitting 40 to 50, one of the biggest fears of a woman is dying alone.

We can attribute the problem to so many things like feminism, poor upbringing, societal failure etc.

Let's pick feminism for example and how western cultures now encourage women to deny their husbands sex in marriages terming it "RAPE", thereby deviating from the norms of the sane society our parents had in the past. The option of divorce is always there for husbands to break away from their toxic wives and that's why you have so many broken homes and failed marriages in places like Canada where women are being valued and worshiped over men.

Nigerians and their hatred for Feminism. Most of them don't even understand what it means. See how they're blaming Feminism for marriage failure.

ZIMDRILL:


Feminism differ from country to country, and in every country's culture and religion

e.g. a woman in Qatar feminism to them was the right to drive cars like men, then in nigeria it might mean to be treated equally with men in boardroom eg 7 boad members and 1 is woman she is being expected to serve tea to others simple becoz she is a woman by virtue

Feminism simply means equal rights mostly in work places or woman's development without being disadvantaged

In Nigeria, feminism is not about workplace issues. Have you ever seen any feminism-related discourse on career section of Nairaland?

The problem with high broken marriages is simply becoz women are now able to provide for themselves they no longer fear to be alone becoz she able to provide for herself. Remember her family sent to her school to be educated and to be able to work one day.

Totally disagree. Majority of married women in their 60-70s today went to school. Many of them even earn more than their husbands.

Elianawalker:
Truth is, a lot of women don't want to go out and hustle on their own even if all the resources is right before them because women deserve competition or the tough life.

Many prefer to look up to a man to do it all and so they can just come in and enjoy life.


It's all part of the lust, be it lust for Money or lust for body, if can ruin us.


When she married him because of his wealth and she is treated like a slave or less of herself she becomes stranded because she has nothing.


If most women had wealth they would most likely conclude that they don't need men anymore but that is usually their mistake.

They only realize it when then start hitting 40 to 50, one of the biggest fears of a woman is dying alone.

i agree too but also consider this remember before the white man came to africa, husband and wife played their individual roles to provide for the family no one was being feed while just sitting eg men when hunting, heading cattle etc while women gathered veges etc

then when the white men came with industralisation, changed our way of life remember men were allowed to work in towns while living wives were in village, then town boyz would come back to the village wearing fancy clothes and charming girls by saying marry me you dont have to do daily rural chores which were hard compared to living in down were there was electricity running water etc. So men would say marry and i can look after you. This is were is started were women got attracted to be looked after with doing much hard work as compared to village life

From that time till now women got the belief that it is the job of the man to look after his woman but infact they looked after each other, it was the introduction urban life that made women believe that its their jobs to be looked after.

Those men who worked in towns used it as tool to attract village girl who later become wives in the urban town and were simply housewives

Now to the present time, no man wants a woman who just seats home becoz the economy is tough a single income is nolonger enough at the other hand women were/used to that "i can look after you "

One has to know his own history to understan why at one point women were also providers but all of sudden they seem to have lost the ability and want to be looked after expecting the hubby to be sole provider.Something changed somewhere

Acidosis:


In Nigeria, feminism is not about workplace issues. Have you ever seen any feminism-related discourse on career section of Nairaland?




Totally disagree. Majority of married women in their 60-70s today went to school. Many of them even earn more than their husbands.

am talking over a big picture, the number of educated women now is greater compared to that generation of women who are 60-70 now

then when i mention feminism in nigeria it was just an example show how feminism differs country to country or culture to culture hence i used the word "Might" which suggest that it an example

When "men" now kneel to propose to their girlfriends. What to you expect?

Greed, too much love for money. Haven't you notice recently, it's like the only assignment of humanity on Earth is looking for MONEY? Love is going into extinction, so, many things aren't working

Faulty foundation and trust issues.

Your answer is feminism

Yes a very easy and concise way around it, marriage isn’t about emotions and feelings only bt about character and serious and conscious life changing decisions. Hence u must be very aware

It can actually break u or make u so why joke around with such a decision that will determine or affect ur happiness for probably a life time.

Truth is bad marriage are made by bad decisions, ignorance Or entering it with the wrong mindset.

From observation, many Nigerian women posing as feminists are misandrists using the umbrella of feminism to attack traditional and religious family values. Their version of feminism has little to do with equality in the society and workplace

Marriage is not for children.......

The truth is most of the people getting married lately don't even know much about themselves not to talk about knowing their partner better.

Some of them have refused to change while having delusional thinking of they can change others.

Those who don't understand what self love means but they think they can love others. My friend, you can't give what you don't have

More than average of people have not experienced what true love really mean and na those dey quick get married..

Some guys get married the moment they start earning little change cos they can no longer be doing some house chores.

While some ladies are getting married because they don't want to be working again, they would rather become a housemaid in the marriage by forfeiting all the future dreams and career

You people shuld goan rest now...

If you look here na Marriage or relationship wahala everywhere...

People rush into marriages for a number of reasons. Some are blinded by love. May we not be unfortunate in picking our life partners.

No adequate preparation going to marriage,
(8 out of 10 ladies married their husbands because of financial security and not love really) 7 out of 10 guys pressurised and induced their woman to married them maybe bcoz of physical appearance and not bcoz the love the woman has for them.)

All these would quickly waned out after few years of marriage and couple begin to endure instead of enjoying their marriages.

2. so many married yet they still want to leave as single, in doing that it would definitely hurt the emotions of the partners, as a result, *marriage toxic'* is imminent.

If you ask me na who I go ask?

Too much Westernization on the part of the young folks!

ibkonekt:
Feminism happened

simple