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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage (30974 Views)
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Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by Nobody: 4:47pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
Good day nairalanders. My first time post in 5yrs. Will try to summarize the issues and seek sincere advise please. I’ve been married before but got divorced within a year due to genotype issues(it’s a long story). So I remarried 2yrs after and with a child now, and that’s where my issues started from. I know I have some bad sides too which I’m trying to change, which is flirting with single ladies, and this has caused multiple fight with my wife. Whenever we have this fights, not physical, just verbal, but in her anger she breaks virtually anything around, cups, laptop, speakers etc. she can be madly angry. I’ve warned, petted her severally to desist from this act especially infront of our kid...but she won’t. It’s getting worse by the day. Now she reports me with blackmail to her parents and friends making me feel I’m the worst husband in the universe, calling me unprintable names. Calling me weak cos I don’t beat. Now the advice I seek, we are planning to relocate as a family abroad this year, but I’m really scared. I can actually go alone, but would prefer we all go together since I have the means. But I’m scared if I won’t regret my actions to take her along with this her character. What if I get jailed or lose custody of our child abroad, because she’s a master in blackmail. She can turn simple issue overboard. Sorry for the long epistle. Just had to pour out my mind. Constructive criticism is welcomed. Thank you 26 Likes 5 Shares |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by MrBrownJay1(m): 4:48pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
hhmm ok, this babe insanity is on another level completely.....how long do you think it will take before she takes it to the next level and starts attacking you or your child?! before you plan this journey abroad, make sure she properly sorts her issues (while you sort yours) and FIX THEM!! livng with such woman, let alone bringing her abroad, would be your downfall! 103 Likes 5 Shares |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by Righteousness2(m): 4:54pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
The Permanent cure to Bad and Sinful habits is in JESUS Christ. But I must tell you the truth! The woman you are living with now is not your wife. Your original wife is the woman u said you Divorced because of Genotype. Listen! Genotype is not a reason to Divorce. As long as you two got married, she is your wife. You need to go back to your wife. Except you did not marry her. If you two got married, then she is your wife and you need to rectify that. GOD ALMIGHTY, the GOD of Chosen Has healed many couples and changed their Genotype. From Sorrow to Joy Happening this weekend 12th and 13th February is another opportunity. 65 Likes 5 Shares
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Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by baby124: 5:21pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
How about you control yourself and face your marriage? You know the beast in her comes out when she catches you cheating. 200 Likes 11 Shares |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by Nobody: 5:26pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
Lasunray01:You know the cause of your fights, so why not stop flirting with other women/single women? I'm glad your wife isn't blaming the women you're flirting with because they're not the problem, you are. 191 Likes 10 Shares |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by MufasaLion: 5:35pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
Stop flirting with other ladies. You made a marital vow, fufill it. It's difficult to stop but you gotta try! I'd suggest you don't take her with you for now. Work on yourself. If care is not taken, you will end up as a church rat abroad! 81 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by Nobody: 5:47pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
MrBrownJay1: Thank you. 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by Kobojunkie: 6:02pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
Lasunray01:Are you somehow here expecting us all to overlook the primary cause of the problem in your marriage which happens to be you ? 112 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by Nobody: 6:04pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
MufasaLion: She's still in her early 20's and the marriage is less than 2yrs, leaving her behind not really cool with me...kindly explain the 'church rat' part 1 Like |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by Nobody: 6:08pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
Kobojunkie: Nope. You are free to say your mind sir, even if harsh 3 Likes |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by Kobojunkie: 6:11pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
Lasunray01:Deal with the real problem instead of chasing after phantoms and others to blame. Take your family abroad with you and hold them close. Stop trying to find cracks where there really isn't any yet. 51 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by MufasaLion: 6:12pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
Lasunray01: She's in her early 20s and you wanna take abroad witg your behavior? She's gonna be influenced easily by women over there, especially when she starts narrating how you've been a bad husband to them. Taking her abroad is not bad, but taking her with your and character is wrong because you will regret it. Change your attitude and respect your marriage! "As poor as church rat" means you gonna be a poor man with nothing to live on or depend on. It's an idom. 47 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by Nobody: 6:12pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
Op are you not being hypocritical here? Which woman would catch you cheating and not go mad? Madness got levels to it, but you are the trigger! Would all hell not be let loose if reverse were the case and she was the one caught cheating severally? You are hoping to migrate to a saner clime where cheating is not tolerated no matter the sex involved and instead of working on yourself, you are blaming her resulting actions!! I am happy you pointed out it all stems from your actions, in your mind you wanted her to wallow in her tears and self pity whenever she catches you!!! Ogbeni you can do better. 115 Likes 11 Shares |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by Kobojunkie: 6:24pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
princeeze1:Abi oo! 20 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by Nobody: 6:27pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
You know you are the cause of your problems, not her. her rash and violent behavior is as a result of your randyness. Why not stop doing that which you do that triggers such actions in her and see if she'll still behave that way? You can travel with her. She has no problems. It's you who has problems and should deal with it to avoid stirring the monster in her. Change! 13 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by PrimadonnaO(f): 6:56pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
See how nairalanders, are with one voice, condemning a bad attitude. There's hope for Nigeria, after all. 114 Likes 7 Shares |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by Acidosis(m): 7:38pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
I hope she only exhibits that ma.dness when you cheat though. Breaking stuff at the slightest provocation is a sign of mental illness. Moving abroad is not the issue, your safety is. Moving abroad should also scare her because that madness can get her in serious troubles. 23 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by Richy4(m): 7:44pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
Where are you heading to buddy? US, UK, Canada or Australia?... If it's one of the above mentioned countries, U have to change your name to Aaron... Because Na polythene bags u go take gather your clothes... When she starts suing the living day light out of you... This is how it will play out... << Firstly, neighbors will call the police for domestic violence... << The police will ask you to vacate the house for the mean time not minding if u have the cash to lodge for the night.. << You don't need a prophet to explain to you how the divorce will go assuming you seek for one <<< Buddy, u have a problem.. which is wandering eyes... Deal with that first before moving... But if u move without dealing with your issue, please make sure u don't commit murder when your property/ possession is shared 80: 20.. of course she takes the lion share and the kids too If the family must move together.. with all your faults and everything... Please Move to Saudi Arabia or it's neighboring countries 57 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by CaveAdullam: 7:46pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
1. Depending on the agreement both of you had before marriage, if you both choose to be exclusively monogamous and she's still keeping to that oath, maintaining fidelity, I think you should just reduce your flirting tendency. A. Though you flirt, but women love men that other women want to be with. This is the dread game. It improves her desire towards you and make her invest better so that the relationship can last. (Know this: no investment from a woman can surpass that of a man in a sexual relationship whether long or short or filled with manipulations. By the way, he is still the one that losses more regardless of his high investments). She's mateguarding you, but her jealousy is over the roof. There are better ways to handle this matter from her angle rather than going haywire. B. Your flirting tendency can also make her break her oath of fidelity in order to counter her jealousy and come back on you. However, infidelity from both sexes are different and will be weighed differently because both sexes are different. (Simply can't go into that details now). But if she's true to her oath of fidelity, that is, you know very well that she's not cheating behind but come open to disagree with you, then, forget flirting and concentrate on your family. 2. Stop engaging with women and other people in verbal attacks. Besides, women are good at it and will always beat you hands down. So, just avoid any verbal altercation. A woman must learn how to control her tongue though. Because men's power are tired to their ego and once that ego is insulted or threatened it is an attack on their power, hence, will always retaliate with physical force. Your wife always abusing you indicates a high level of disrespect! And that disrespect is as a result of you always engaging with her in her emotional tantrums. You must start learning to punish her psychologically, because I'm not in support of domestic violence. Start from here: Become dominant. Withdraw attention. Withdraw resources. 3. Truth be spoken, for her to always destroy your home appliances in her emotional hystericity, indicates that you've lost dominance. Such behavior implies disrespect...two agressive people can't stay under one roof. She's behaving like a parody of a man, and that you don't need. 4. Take yourself and kid oversea. You'll still continue to flirt and her with her agressive nature; couple that in a country that the family/divorce laws rips the man/husband into pieces, you'll regret your life! (However, for the sake of your kid because they are the ones that suffers the aftermath of parental separation, both of you must resolve your differences and grow above it). This will fail 99% of the time, just start preparing on how you can raise your kid into a quality adult in the absence of the mother. This is an evolutionary game in vogue. Let her go! Thanks. 25 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by Totiemide: 8:00pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
Deal with your flirting and whatever negative you have. Then you get a good result from her But if you continue with it, don't bother taking a leap abroad because it won't end in your favor. God will help you 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by naija4life247: 8:02pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
If you travel abroad with this type of mentally unstable woman, then we will read about your imprisonment here on Nairaland. I wish you what you deserve. 16 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by naija4life247: 8:05pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
princeeze1: Solomon 700 wives and 300 side chicks did not kill him. Atiku Abubakar's 5 wives have not killed him. Obasanjo's numerous wives have not killed him. Why then should this guy's wife kill him? 15 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by blucum(m): 8:12pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
You are the problem in your own marriage. Fix up. 3 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by Acidosis(m): 8:24pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
naija4life247: ...because she's the only one on earth that knows how to get angry. I just dey pity the op. The greatest mistake he will ever make is believing that her anger issues will end the moment he stops cheating. Sensible women won't stoop so low to insult or trade words with their husbands. But this one is shouting like a market woman and breaking stuff like Agege tout! 35 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by Richy4(m): 8:31pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
naija4life247: It depends on the Abroad man... If they travel to Anti-feminist capital city of the world Saudi Arabia, They will flog some sense into her really bad... Not minding that OP was the one provoking her 8 Likes |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by emmanuelbrown26: 8:38pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
Op I like how truthful u are in writing. But as for taken your wife to abroad, my brother, mission impossible, pls abort that mission. She will use u as a rag over their. Then, was she not aware of your cassanova lifestyle? 11 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by Acidosis(m): 8:42pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
Richy4: Na just Nordic countries, US, and the UK dey desperate about emasculating men. 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by frozen70(f): 9:01pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
Lasunray01: She is just high without taking drugs and for nothing, that's her own way of being crazy just to prove that she exists If you want to relocate abroad, why not start with just you alone and you can still be visiting them here Keep her busy here with a building project and something that will make her stay behind Until you are sure that she is not high on drugs, then you can start by inviting them for holidays I am aware that over there, their law protects women and children alot You can imagine how empty you will be the day she will report you to the authorities Your own done finish be that Think twice pls 12 Likes |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by Richy4(m): 9:01pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
Acidosis: You are correct.. each broken dish, 5 strokes of the 'kane' Broken TV attracts 9 strokes.. I equally saw your fear based on her anger issues.... She can possibly set the house on fire She needs to go for an anger management classes.. If she was Angry, there are so many ways she can get to her man that will hurt him so bad ie if she truly knows him.. instead of destroying properties.. 9 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by Mickykarim: 9:02pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
Stick to your partner try to recall and remember whatever brought you together in the first instance. The initial infatuations that enhanced and nurtured the union to this current stage. Side talks and advise might not help better than both sitting together and talk things over. Wish you well. |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by eyinjuege: 9:05pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
You don't have multiple issues in your marriage. Just one issue, which is your cheating ways Your problem will be solved if you can make some changes within yourself. Stop flirting /cheating with other ladies. It's that simple really. That will help avoid the conflicts in your home 17 Likes |
Re: Please Advice! I’m Having Multiple Issues With My Marriage by eyinjuege: 9:11pm On Feb 07, 2022 |
Richy4: OP will be flogged seriously for being inappropriate with females not related to him or married to him. If he wants to be truly polygamous, then marry the so called single ladies. They're not as lawless and irresponsible in Saudi. They're even still more liberal than Northern Nigeria 14 Likes 2 Shares |
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