₦airaland Forum

Sounds like probable ADHD
Common features poor attention, restlessness, hyperactivity , insomnia
Troublesome Not responding to punishment or reward
Also question mark about autism which can be present at the same time
common features
Language difficulties,(speaks their own language} Social problems e.g in interaction other children, not understanding facial expressions, body language. talking without filter, no understanding of social rules, does not understand people
Narrow interest can do one thing all day and like to share that with others even if they are not interested etc.
Can be quite rigid. Doing things their way or no way. Won't eat certain foods. Don't like change of plans.
Sensory problems e.g. don't like noise or some smells or fondness for unusual smells , textures

There is no way around seeking medical assessment if you want to help the child

klassyguy:
I see nothing wrong in buying a game console for my kids. Besides he only plays train simulators, overcooked, and lego jurassic world. And they know they only get to play it on weekends for a few hours, which they adhere to. So the PS5 is not the issue.

He's bored in class. Expose him to a more higher/difficult curriculum.

I know why you are concerned. Your son has attention deficiency and hyperactive. If it was in Naija, i would made suggestions of how to reset his brain. In the meantime, stop him from taking sugar, artificial juices ( they are loaded with sugar inducing attention deficiency and hyperactivity in school.

I live in US like you and i take time to make home fruit juices for my boys

ChoCho54:
Conscience kee you dia

You guys too dey yarn opata.

But seriously why would his wife be opposed to a simple ADHD test. It's not like he would be having any kind of surgery.

However modern medicine and its method of checking for ADHD in Patients entails an ADHD swab test (covering ADHD medications), which collects saliva from the patient. It is completely non-invasive and used to analyze a patient's DNA in order to see how the patient would respond to particular medications.

It is that DNA aspect that makes me wonder at why the wife would actually reject this ADHD test

Kobojunkie:
1. You and your wife need to decide whether to help your child or your egos instead.

2. I live in the very same US, and also dealing with 3 boys here - a 9-year old, 6-year old and a 3-year old so , I know of the rudiments of raising a child in the US,and there is absolutely nothing difficult about it. In Nigeria, the adults place themselves and their convenience before the needs of the child whereas here in the US, the focus is rightly to place the needs of the child ahead of that of the adults.

I too was flogged as a child but it was not the beatings that made me a better person, instead it was the attention I gave myself and got from my folks that helped me turn out better than most who even got flogged way more than I was.

3. You as a parent are expected to raise your own kids. Teachers aren't meant to raise them for you. So you need to do a better job as a father to your own child instead of expecting others to do the work for you.

There are ways to discipline your child without what you call an arse whooping. Get him therapy so as to help you better understand him and his personality now that he is still young. Take away his toy if you have to. Play soccer with him if joining the soccer club is not working out for him. Work with him to understand him and how best to train him. That is your job and responsibility since you chose to have him.

You have 3 lovely kids yet you keep behaving like a tout on NL!!!

I disagree on the beating part. A good ol' fashioned beating helps straightens out a child. That your own kids are pliant doesn't mean everyone else's will be. Kids are meant to be trained and raised. Doesn't mean the two processes have to be pleasurable 100% for them

Look for Wendy Ologe , the vice chancellor of The Intentional Parents Academy, on Facebook...she can help you.

SeriouslySense:
learning from your comment, let them learn at their own pace, rather than forced learning, which disincentives. thank you, I can see another perspective.

Yes, kids ought to learn at their own pace, some kids have high IQ, some average, some low, when I was teaching in primary, I targetted the ones that don't understand easily and make them understand it better, I also make them participate in the class by asking them questions, in that case they learn at their own pace. The worse thing you can do as a parent is to compare your kids performance. It's a red flag.

When I was teaching in nursery, I had a handful, I noticed that some of the kids get bored easily and won't follow the teachings, some are hyperactive, always doing one thing or the other, while some are just dull like bread, and what I do when they get bored is that I stop teaching and make them form a circle, I browse a ryhme from YouTube which is in their scheme of work and teach them or we could sing 2_3 ryhmes, we dance around and then everybody is happy and excited, then we go back to learn, then again we go back to playing. Wasn't easy but it helped them. The hyperactive ones are the ones that learn the ryhmes easily.

Nawah oo.. De lord is ur muscle... De boy already has some structure in hiz life.. I bliv he will outgrow it.. As appealing as bringing him back to 9ja sounds to me oo,give him tym. If he is 10 years of age and still like diz.. Carry come 9ja and let stay for a year or so.. Den compare and contrast. Raising a Child is one of the hardest tin ever.. I think u are doing well shaa

If you try all and does not work well, you might send him to your relative for a year in nigeria.

klassyguy:
I have two lovely kids with my wife - a girl and a boy. My son is six years old while his sister is eight. Both were born here in the US. I’ve done what I feel is right as a father to train these kids, but I know not everything can be done accordingly.

My son is restless. He has the attention span of three seconds before he gets distracted by something else. My mum tells says he is a copy of me when I was his age, but that was in the eighties and the way children were handled back then is totally different from today. He hardly wants to do anything in terms of school work and almost every day I get complaints from his teacher that he does not do his work or he is disruptive in class. When other students are doing their work, my son will be the one falling off his chair or hiding under his desk. His teacher told me he acts out when being corrected. Only yesterday my wife told me the teacher met her when she went to pick them up in school and told her that my son started yelling when the lights in the class started flickering. His behavior got so bad, they had to call the school security officer before he calmed down.

This behavior is really bothering me. I know my son is smart. His pre-school teacher once told me he was the smartest student she had. My son can do complex mathematical equations off the top of his head that even his older sister struggles to do. He has a very good memory and can list off all the types of trains that exist in the US, things that even I don’t know. It’s sitting down to be serious about work that he can’t do and can’t seem to focus on.

I enrolled him in a soccer club to see if that would help him expel his excess energy. At first he seemed to be lazy as he gets frustrated easily, and rather try harder, my son would rather give up and cry. I mostly have to encourage him to put in more effort, and most of the time he does not pay attention to what the coach says. The coach told me a couple of days ago that he wants to move him to a lower group level to see if he can build his confidence there.

I want to believe it’s his being the last born for now that’s worrying him. He seemed to start being a bit more mature when my wife got pregnant last year and he learnt they had a younger sibling on the way, but unfortunately, she miscarried and we lost the baby. I’ve been thinking for a while now whether to move back to Nigeria with everyone so that we can build some sense into both of them (my daughter’s story is another one). I’ve thought of taking them both for an ADHD test, but my wife is against that. The only time my son pays attention is when he’s doing something he likes, and that is when he’s playing the PS5 I got them or watching videos on YouTube Kids.

Any advice would be welcome from parents out there.

The problem lies in your final statement. Any advice would be welcome.

In this situation, you have to stand your ground and not do guess work as it concerns your child. Your son must develop his focus back. No point traveling down to Nigeria, you can work on him as a Father.

Observe him more closely, pray concerning his issues, make up your mind on what you want and how you want him to become ensuring you don't over pressure him, talk to him often together with your wife.

klassyguy:
I have two lovely kids with my wife - a girl and a boy. My son is six years old while his sister is eight. Both were born here in the US. I’ve done what I feel is right as a father to train these kids, but I know not everything can be done accordingly.

My son is restless. He has the attention span of three seconds before he gets distracted by something else. My mum tells says he is a copy of me when I was his age, but that was in the eighties and the way children were handled back then is totally different from today. He hardly wants to do anything in terms of school work and almost every day I get complaints from his teacher that he does not do his work or he is disruptive in class. When other students are doing their work, my son will be the one falling off his chair or hiding under his desk. His teacher told me he acts out when being corrected. Only yesterday my wife told me the teacher met her when she went to pick them up in school and told her that my son started yelling when the lights in the class started flickering. His behavior got so bad, they had to call the school security officer before he calmed down.

This behavior is really bothering me. I know my son is smart. His pre-school teacher once told me he was the smartest student she had. My son can do complex mathematical equations off the top of his head that even his older sister struggles to do. He has a very good memory and can list off all the types of trains that exist in the US, things that even I don’t know. It’s sitting down to be serious about work that he can’t do and can’t seem to focus on.

I enrolled him in a soccer club to see if that would help him expel his excess energy. At first he seemed to be lazy as he gets frustrated easily, and rather try harder, my son would rather give up and cry. I mostly have to encourage him to put in more effort, and most of the time he does not pay attention to what the coach says. The coach told me a couple of days ago that he wants to move him to a lower group level to see if he can build his confidence there.

I want to believe it’s his being the last born for now that’s worrying him. He seemed to start being a bit more mature when my wife got pregnant last year and he learnt they had a younger sibling on the way, but unfortunately, she miscarried and we lost the baby. I’ve been thinking for a while now whether to move back to Nigeria with everyone so that we can build some sense into both of them (my daughter’s story is another one). I’ve thought of taking them both for an ADHD test, but my wife is against that. The only time my son pays attention is when he’s doing something he likes, and that is when he’s playing the PS5 I got them or watching videos on YouTube Kids.

Any advice would be welcome from parents out there.

Your wife is against testing your children for a disorder, your wife needs test too I’m sorry cause where I work, we do school health where we test children with autism and so on
Please go for test abeg
And also test your wife too

Kobojunkie:
1. Those teachers build on the training on you give your kids at home. You are struggling at home with one kid, imagine a teacher who has over 20 kids to teach each day, some of them like you own, and tell me how much "home" training you expect that teacher to be able to give all those kids when you can't can't figure out just one at home?

2. Try to put yourself in that child's world. If that child is truly struggling with mental illness, that basically means that while he is struggling to make sense of the world around him, confused as to how to wrap his mind around the neurochemical signals in his brain, his body and the expectations placed on him by those around him including his parents, you and your wife are busy fighting over whether is it as good idea to find him potential treatment for the chaos that is his existence.

At his age, I was already struggling to make sense of the world around me. By age seven, I had already started pondering the worth of my existence, and that remained by daily life for over 3 decades after that. My parents didn't have information back during their day so I don't really blame them for not being able to help me but no day goes by that I don't remind myself that I need to do better as far a the kids in my own care.

Take your child to a child therapist and least learn what could be potential his case so you can know where to begin looking for help.

If you think your child is struggling with ADHD,you can download an online test to try at home with your wife to help you both maybe understand what hell your child is having to live with while you two continue to caress your egos in this.

---

I have no sympathies for parents because parents choose,of their own,to take one the responsibility that is their children. Your duty which you claimed for yourself is to care for those souls which you brought into this world abeg. Please strive to do a great job no matter what.

Oga rest abeg, just rest.

ChoCho54:
All our kids are in Montessori. At least the school sign boards say so.

Some schools claim to be Montessori but they are not. From their activities you will know if they are really full Montessori school, the truth is real Montessori schools are very very expensive cause they employ Montessori teachers and teaching methods.

Take him to a child development expert.Your wife is no expert so she shouldn't be discouraging you here.If your son had a health challenge like chickenpox,she wouldn't dissuade you from taking him to the doctor,would she?

There are many good solution, whichever one you go with, be it treatment or not, he is your Child, So if any one improves his attention in class over time, then maybe that is the right treatment.

Just watch over time, and weight the pros and cons. Some improvements may come with some disadvantages. But if a solution is working, then its probably the right one.

klassyguy:
I have two lovely kids with my wife - a girl and a boy. My son is six years old while his sister is eight. Both were born here in the US. I’ve done what I feel is right as a father to train these kids, but I know not everything can be done accordingly.

My son is restless. He has the attention span of three seconds before he gets distracted by something else. My mum tells says he is a copy of me when I was his age, but that was in the eighties and the way children were handled back then is totally different from today. He hardly wants to do anything in terms of school work and almost every day I get complaints from his teacher that he does not do his work or he is disruptive in class. When other students are doing their work, my son will be the one falling off his chair or hiding under his desk. His teacher told me he acts out when being corrected. Only yesterday my wife told me the teacher met her when she went to pick them up in school and told her that my son started yelling when the lights in the class started flickering. His behavior got so bad, they had to call the school security officer before he calmed down.

This behavior is really bothering me. I know my son is smart. His pre-school teacher once told me he was the smartest student she had. My son can do complex mathematical equations off the top of his head that even his older sister struggles to do. He has a very good memory and can list off all the types of trains that exist in the US, things that even I don’t know. It’s sitting down to be serious about work that he can’t do and can’t seem to focus on.

I enrolled him in a soccer club to see if that would help him expel his excess energy. At first he seemed to be lazy as he gets frustrated easily, and rather try harder, my son would rather give up and cry. I mostly have to encourage him to put in more effort, and most of the time he does not pay attention to what the coach says. The coach told me a couple of days ago that he wants to move him to a lower group level to see if he can build his confidence there.

I want to believe it’s his being the last born for now that’s worrying him. He seemed to start being a bit more mature when my wife got pregnant last year and he learnt they had a younger sibling on the way, but unfortunately, she miscarried and we lost the baby. I’ve been thinking for a while now whether to move back to Nigeria with everyone so that we can build some sense into both of them (my daughter’s story is another one). I’ve thought of taking them both for an ADHD test, but my wife is against that. The only time my son pays attention is when he’s doing something he likes, and that is when he’s playing the PS5 I got them or watching videos on YouTube Kids.

Any advice would be welcome from parents out there.

Your son has ADHD my dear.....that is the truth.Always restless and unsettled. GET HIM TESTED AND GET HIM ALL HE HELP HE CAN THERE.Watin wan carry am come Nigeria come do?

And why is your wife against it by the way...I no understand ooh.

Mercychen:
Carry am come Nigeria, beat craze commot for him body. Children easily get spoilt in that abroad because you're not allowed to mete out some corrective measures our parents used on us those days that really helped shaped many of us.

Now, your mom told you he took after you. I'm sure she didn't just fold her arms and watch you. She must have corrected your behavior with some brain resetting slaps.

I'm sorry if I sound harsh but what some children need is iron hand.

By the way, why does your wife not want you to take him for the ADHD test?
Take them for the test to clear any possibility of it so you can bring him to naija and change his character with some strict measures.

Spare the rod and spoil the child.

Upon all the beating wey naija dey give pikins, why is it so insecure, corrupt, and backward??

eric cartman

bring him to nigeria and enrol him in a school. after them beat him for 2 days, that spirit of madness go vamoose from him

Playermayweda:
Upon all the beating wey naija dey give pikins, why is it so insecure, corrupt, and backward??

Imagine if Dem no come beat...

luminouz:
You have 3 lovely kids yet you keep behaving like a tout on NL!!!

I disagree on the beating part. A good ol' fashioned beating helps straightens out a child. That your own kids are pliant doesn't mean everyone else's will be. Kids are meant to be trained and raised. Doesn't mean the two processes have to be pleasurable 100% for them

Not true

klassyguy:
I see nothing wrong in buying a game console for my kids. Besides he only plays train simulators, overcooked, and lego jurassic world. And they know they only get to play it on weekends for a few hours, which they adhere to. So the PS5 is not the issue.

.

Chai! If this was to be Nigeria! A good ass whooping for reset and format him brain

I don't care what all these nowadays foreign parents say, I still believe our papa and mama

In all you do, don't come to Nigeria! Abeg

You are a good parent even seeking knowledge on what to do speaks volumes of the attention you place in your kids.

If you can, continue to speak to your wife until she gives in. She should put her fear and ego aside and seek early intervention for that child.
Your son needs help, please don't swim it to the ground. I think he is likely having ADHD.

Don't stop praying for him. I wish you and your son well

Mercychen:
Imagine if Dem no come beat...

If the parents no sabi them work weda dey beat or not dey no fit train the kids well, nigerians just sabi violence dem so sabi instill discipline, a human is not a goat u have to continually beat before it understands what it's doing, but nigerians sha will act with anger first before reasoning

Thank you. Your rich experience shows how hyperactive kids can be calmed, so they can focus, on what seems boring and even develop interest.

Nuttella:
Yes, kids ought to learn at their own pace, some kids have high IQ, some average, some low, when I was teaching in primary, I target the ones that don't understand easily and make them understand it better also make them participate in the class by asking them questions, in that case they learn at their own pace. The worse thing you can do as a parent is to compare your kids performance. It's a red flag.

When I was teaching in nursery, I had a handful, I noticed that some of the kids get bored easily and won't follow the teachings, some are hyperactive, always doing one thing or the other, while some are just dull like bread, and what I do when they get bored is that I stop teaching and make them form a circle, I browse a ryhme from YouTube which is in their scheme of work and teach them or we could sing 2_3 ryhmes, we dance around and them eveybody is happy and excited, then we go back to learn, then again we go back to playing. Wasn't easy but it helped them. The hyperactive ones are the ones that learn the ryhmes easily.

Kobojunkie:
I see you are still on about making this about your ego and you instead of the child.

Like I said, I have no empathy for parents as I believe their duty is to put their kids before themselves no matter what.

Silly

klassyguy:
Hence the reason why you choose to use the condescending tone you're using to refer to another person's kid. I get it, we are on a faceless platform where you can air your utterances freely. My kid is not going through any kind of hell. You wouldn't like it if someone speaks of your three boys like that. My boy is a very lively and lovely kid. Everyone he meets sees him as a very bright kid. He just has some behavioral issues which I believe is normal for a boy his age. I posted this topic to seek opinions on how to tackle them, not to hear insults, so kindly refrain from acting like you're a better parent than others cos you have it easy with yours. We are mature enough to share ideas on how to handle our children's development to make them better people without delving to the level of insults. Not all children are the same.

Kobo junky is a retard and sick fellow
Don't engage with him as he dosent have a child and speaks from a place of ignorance and foolishness..your boy will be fine...keep praying for him and ask d Holy Spirit to teach u how best to Deal with these issues

First things first, your child does not have a problem. He is not different from many His age, just like your mum implied.,

Stop trying to force fit him into a box. Especially the box of education. The school system is not perfect for every child.

Parents need to take charge of their children’s development.

If He acts up when the light is flickering then there might be a condition. This is why it would be good for Him to get medically checked. That your wife doesn’t want it, is not enough reason to not get Him checked.

As per His not being focused , except for things like His PS5. You can make doing the things He likes a reward for doing the things He doesn’t like. E.g “if you participate in football practice this morning , you can play PS5 in the evening”

You need to be careful not to give in to His every whim. Children need discipline. The trick is to not do it from a place of frustration and anger, but with grace and hope.

I wish you the very best.

I'm not sure why your wife is hesitant about professional help but why don't u pay for private child psychologist to assess the boy. Hear what he/she has to say and then pick it from there.

The last thing u want for the boy is to be referred to a psychiatrist by his school. The report wouldn't be funny for a black boy.

If the boy has ADHD, then he needs help even if it means placing him on medication. it's what it is. Bringing the boy to naija will only mess up his mind.

Also try him on extracurricular activities that are not regimented or focus on teamwork. Let him just release his energy in ways that best suits him, rather than receiving lectures on how to play.

THe truth is not all hyeractive and attention deficit children has ADHD, most are just going thru a developmental phase parents term unusual especially boys. Unfortunately in naija we beat the hell out of them into forced submission. This will only disrupt a significant part of their personality development.

What they actually need is support and ways to release those excess energy.

All the best.

klassyguy:
I have two lovely kids with my wife - a girl and a boy. My son is six years old while his sister is eight. Both were born here in the US. I’ve done what I feel is right as a father to train these kids, but I know not everything can be done accordingly.

My son is restless. He has the attention span of three seconds before he gets distracted by something else. My mum tells says he is a copy of me when I was his age, but that was in the eighties and the way children were handled back then is totally different from today. He hardly wants to do anything in terms of school work and almost every day I get complaints from his teacher that he does not do his work or he is disruptive in class. When other students are doing their work, my son will be the one falling off his chair or hiding under his desk. His teacher told me he acts out when being corrected. Only yesterday my wife told me the teacher met her when she went to pick them up in school and told her that my son started yelling when the lights in the class started flickering. His behavior got so bad, they had to call the school security officer before he calmed down.

This behavior is really bothering me. I know my son is smart. His pre-school teacher once told me he was the smartest student she had. My son can do complex mathematical equations off the top of his head that even his older sister struggles to do. He has a very good memory and can list off all the types of trains that exist in the US, things that even I don’t know. It’s sitting down to be serious about work that he can’t do and can’t seem to focus on.

I enrolled him in a soccer club to see if that would help him expel his excess energy. At first he seemed to be lazy as he gets frustrated easily, and rather try harder, my son would rather give up and cry. I mostly have to encourage him to put in more effort, and most of the time he does not pay attention to what the coach says. The coach told me a couple of days ago that he wants to move him to a lower group level to see if he can build his confidence there.

I want to believe it’s his being the last born for now that’s worrying him. He seemed to start being a bit more mature when my wife got pregnant last year and he learnt they had a younger sibling on the way, but unfortunately, she miscarried and we lost the baby. I’ve been thinking for a while now whether to move back to Nigeria with everyone so that we can build some sense into both of them (my daughter’s story is another one). I’ve thought of taking them both for an ADHD test, but my wife is against that. The only time my son pays attention is when he’s doing something he likes, and that is when he’s playing the PS5 I got them or watching videos on YouTube Kids.

Any advice would be welcome from parents out there.

OP your son has ADHD -Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. The symptoms you've stated here are so apt! He needs therapy. You need to see a pediatrician ASAP! It's controllable with lots of therapy. Good luck

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