₦airaland Forum

Hezzyluv:
Na wao...

Na your fault. You saw all the red flags during courtship, but you neglected it. Your only concern was...
she carry back
she carry front.
She too package
I can't leave
The more reason why I can't leave her..
Now, see where it has landed you to. Barely one year marriage heading for divorce

Any advise people gives you here may not work again, since you had tried all you could to restore peace to no avail. And from the beginning, nothing like Peace @all. Because, 30% peace is not Worth it. Report it to God. perhaps, "him go dey merciful 2u help you arrange your marriage back". Then, even God warned you by showing you red flags, but you choose to turn deaf ears.


See to be honest with you, humanly speaking or from human point of view, it appears it's done and dusted. She has even told you to go and have sex outside if you wish, which means she can go and have sex elsewhere too if she so desire. That's if she never start having sex outside. The one that breaks the camel's back is that, "her parents are fully in support of her".
Maybe them don see one bigman way wan marry their daughter wey don start to dey shower them money.

Cheers...

Philip94:
How were you able to go about it. I mean, how were you able to win her back to yourself.

CharlotteFlair:
Let me tell you a little story.

When I was single, I was dating a guy who was married, but his family lived abroad and from the beginning, he made me understand he will never leave his wife no matter what. I never asked him to anyway, but because we were so close, he didn't want me to feel exploited. He told me anytime i meet a guy who wants to marry me, that I should let him know and he will shift base.

But mahn! We were so close to the extent that no man can come too close. Any time another guy starts taking interest in me, he will jump in and want to know everything going on. He kind of wanted to vet anyone who would marry me.

The problem here was that, a guy who's interested in marriage must want to courtship. You don't just meet today and get married tomorrow. But I didn't have that space because Biodun was all over the place. Infact, if someone likes me and I told him about it, after asking me a few questions about the guy, he will conclude for me that this one is not a serious person.

So I devised ways to cheat on him.

My job took me around the country, and I met a guy in Abuja and we started dating codedly.

One Christmas, Biodun's family were home for Xmas and so he had divided attention. Because they were around, he could no longer pass the night in my house. Because of the small small space between us, I thought it was a perfect time to invite the Abuja guy to my house.

One night, Abbey had left my house to go be with his family, after bidding him farewell for the night, I called the Abuja guy, who was also in town for an assignment.

He came around 9pm and we drove out for some fun. We came back before long and continued the fun in my house.

One thing led to another, and we bleeped! The guy was bleeping me like his life depended on it. But we were obviously compatible. It was awesome! We bleeped round after round and I never heard Biodun was calling my phone until he got to my door. We agreed to see next day, but lover boy was missing me and lied to his wife that he was attending a church vigil that night in order to be with me. When he tried to open the door with his spare, it was bolted from inside.

By now, he knew I was inside with someone. He knocked I didn't hear. The Gen was on.

So he went downstairs and put off the Gen. It was not long before me and my partner sauntered into the palor because of heat inthe bedroom, naked. I didn't know Abbey was standing at my window outside watching us. We went to the kitchen to drink water and returned to the room to continue and Abbey was outside my window hearing my moaning and the bang bang bang from the Abuja carpenter.

Abbey was heartbroken. He started calling my phone again and I answered this time. He told me he was outside my door and that I should come and open the door.

So I came out to the palor only to see my guy at the window in tears. I denied there's nobody inside with me and asked him to go home to his family, that we'd see the next day. This guy refused and asked me to just open the door which I declined.

Okoata, do you know this guy stood outside my window from 12 midnight to 7am next day? He refused to go and I refused to open the door. Occasionally I will leave him at the window to go talk with the guy in room who already knew there's trouble in paradise.

Long story short, Abbey left but after saying he had broke up with me.

Three days later, I received a bbm from him and it was his picture in the hospital.

I went there to see him. He said my infidelity landed him in the hospital. I pleaded and pleaded for forgiveness. When he left hospital, he continued to visit me like before. But his manhood never got up again for me. I continued pleading but he would not heal for months.

After 4 months of touturing me without forgiveness, I took a definite stand.

I told him he should either divorce his wife to marry me or marry me as a second wife or stop the relationship. He chose non!!

Two months later, I met my husband who lived in phc without his knowledge. Four months down the line we got married. Abbey had to go. But he never forgave me till date.

Do you understand? We are no longer dating, but he still has not forgiven me even after 11yrs. Some people are wired like that.

Penguin2:
I guess your “little” way is not enough for your wife and her parents except they have something else against you.

Another thing I’m seeing is that you married someone you love and not someone that loves you.

Possibly you were led by her beauty and you sadly ignored the absence of mental connection between the both of you which is what has gotten worse now.

I don’t know what happens between you and your wife from here, but when next you are looking for a wife to settle down with, make sure she’s your gist mate.

Make sure you guys have the same world view; same convictions about life.

Make sure the woman genuinely cares about you and not somebody you chased for years.

Beauty should come distant last.

Candidlady:
Was the bolded necessary

Pretty sure you would have rubbed this same sentence all over her face...


You are not complaining but yet you stated it in your post


Because of the bolded some won't even give you the advice you seek, they will end up insulting your wife


Good luck finding solution to your problem

Ajens1991:
It's okay bro... I understand how you feel. I've seen similar things from my wife.
Lemme ask you this, does your wife attend the same church with you? If yes, then the two of you have to go back to your pastor for counseling.

Second, don't ever report your wife to your family or even her own family. If she tells you to give her space, politely leave her to her wish. If she decides to leave the house on her own, don't force her to stay.

Before I forget, don't pity or pamper her anymore. Her kind of woman does not like a soft hearted man, it irritates them especially when it comes to being decisive. You have an obligation to control your home; your wife inclusive.
Too bad you married someone who's not ready for marriage.

BRO BE BRUTAL AND BLUNT WITH HER, SHE CANNOT GO ANYWHERE. YOU ARE AT AN ADVANTAGE NOW; SHEY YOU SAY SHE JUST BORN? SO NO WORRY, HER HEAD GO REACH HOUSE WHEN YOU STOP TO PET HER.

obinna58:
What you said doesn't make any sense
[s] you think it ok for a woman to sit as housewife[/s] even when the huby is not doing so well
Change your mentality

Mariangeles:
O ma ga o!

Some stories inside a thread are even more interesting than the thread itself.

Candidlady:
Was the bolded necessary

Pretty sure you would have rubbed this same sentence all over her face...


You are not complaining but yet you stated it in your post


Because of the bolded some won't even give you the advice you seek, they will end up insulting your wife


Good luck finding solution to your problem

LagosInter:
There is no justfication for the type of bad treatment this good man gets.

None whatsoever. Even if a woman has a reason to deny the husband sex, be it ill health, tiredness etc, it should be properly communicated with remorse.

This will calm the man down.


I can't be working hard to foot bills in my house and still be unhappy..

Candidlady:
Was the bolded necessary

Pretty sure you would have rubbed this same sentence all over her face...


You are not complaining but yet you stated it in your post


Because of the bolded some won't even give you the advice you seek, they will end up insulting your wife


Good luck finding solution to your problem

emmanuelbrown26:
U are talking to an aunty not young girl at all. Just that ladies nowadays are nonsense. Imagine somebody under my roof without bringing anything yet I won't hv peace of mind, I go fire u to your papa house, I hate nonsense

LagosInter:
You people always making excuses for women's bad attitude.

My mum gave birth to 9 kids and was very hard working. Was there no ptsd then?

These ones these days are just lazy ill mannered phools and guys are making shittty excuses for them

Philip94:
I have been married for almost a year but my marriage has been 30% sweet and mostly 70% bitter because I have an unforgiven wife who is ONLY concerned about what I said and did wrong but NEVER concern about what I did right.

She gets offended easily, keeps malice and gives me silent treatment at home. I've had private conversation with her MORE THAN 10 TIMES on how to find a lasting solution to wherever issues she has with me instead of her constant fault finding and malice. Despite my effort, all seems like a waste coz there is no positive change at all.

Lately, MY LEGALLY MARRIED WIFE TOLD ME THAT SHE NO LONGER FEEL CONNECTED AND FEEL LOVE FOR ME ANY MORE.

I asked her to tell me one or more reason why she said that but her response was NOTHING. She's practically creating space between us. She does her thing alone and does not carry me along in any thing and she wants same from me.

She is doing everything to make the marriage stop while I have been the one sustaining and making the marriage work out. Her parents are not helping matters coz they are not giving me listening ears and have a way of supporting their daughter by twisting whatever I say to suite them.

B4 we got married, we had quarrel and misunderstandings as other couples do and said abusive words to ourselves which we settled b4 our wedding day and I assume we have forgiven and forgotten about it. But with the look of things, my wife is tied to the past and will keep remembering what I said and did wrong in the past and she allows the past deed affect our present.

Sadly, her unforgiving attitude and never ending resentment is badly affecting our marriage presently. I have tried everything possible within my capacity to rekindle back her love for me & for the sake of our marriage and 3 months baby boy. I suggested that we go out to a cool place just the two of us alone but her response is NO. She even said I can go out and have sex with anyone that she doesn't want SEX for now.

NOTE: I am the one paying all the bills at home coz she's presently jobless. Yet, I am not complaining. She is not stressed up as some may think coz there are helpers at home taking care of her and the baby. Please! What can I do to put a stop to this shit. It's affecting my emotion and psychology.

CharlotteFlair:
Let me tell you a little story.

When I was single, I was dating a guy who was married, but his family lived abroad and from the beginning, he made me understand he will never leave his wife no matter what. I never asked him to anyway, but because we were so close, he didn't want me to feel exploited. He told me anytime i meet a guy who wants to marry me, that I should let him know and he will shift base.

But mahn! We were so close to the extent that no man can come too close. Any time another guy starts taking interest in me, he will jump in and want to know everything going on. He kind of wanted to vet anyone who would marry me.

The problem here was that, a guy who's interested in marriage must want to courtship. You don't just meet today and get married tomorrow. But I didn't have that space because Biodun was all over the place. Infact, if someone likes me and I told him about it, after asking me a few questions about the guy, he will conclude for me that this one is not a serious person.

So I devised ways to cheat on him.

My job took me around the country, and I met a guy in Abuja and we started dating codedly.

One Christmas, Biodun's family were home for Xmas and so he had divided attention. Because they were around, he could no longer pass the night in my house. Because of the small small space between us, I thought it was a perfect time to invite the Abuja guy to my house.

One night, Abbey had left my house to go be with his family, after bidding him farewell for the night, I called the Abuja guy, who was also in town for an assignment.

He came around 9pm and we drove out for some fun. We came back before long and continued the fun in my house.

One thing led to another, and we bleeped! The guy was bleeping me like his life depended on it. But we were obviously compatible. It was awesome! We bleeped round after round and I never heard Biodun was calling my phone until he got to my door. We agreed to see next day, but lover boy was missing me and lied to his wife that he was attending a church vigil that night in order to be with me. When he tried to open the door with his spare, it was bolted from inside.

By now, he knew I was inside with someone. He knocked I didn't hear. The Gen was on.

So he went downstairs and put off the Gen. It was not long before me and my partner sauntered into the palor because of heat inthe bedroom, naked. I didn't know Abbey was standing at my window outside watching us. We went to the kitchen to drink water and returned to the room to continue and Abbey was outside my window hearing my moaning and the bang bang bang from the Abuja carpenter.

Abbey was heartbroken. He started calling my phone again and I answered this time. He told me he was outside my door and that I should come and open the door.

So I came out to the palor only to see my guy at the window in tears. I denied there's nobody inside with me and asked him to go home to his family, that we'd see the next day. This guy refused and asked me to just open the door which I declined.

Okoata, do you know this guy stood outside my window from 12 midnight to 7am next day? He refused to go and I refused to open the door. Occasionally I will leave him at the window to go talk with the guy in room who already knew there's trouble in paradise.

Long story short, Abbey left but after saying he had broke up with me.

Three days later, I received a bbm from him and it was his picture in the hospital.

I went there to see him. He said my infidelity landed him in the hospital. I pleaded and pleaded for forgiveness. When he left hospital, he continued to visit me like before. But his manhood never got up again for me. I continued pleading but he would not heal for months.

After 4 months of touturing me without forgiveness, I took a definite stand.

I told him he should either divorce his wife to marry me or marry me as a second wife or stop the relationship. He chose non!!

Two months later, I met my husband who lived in phc without his knowledge. Four months down the line we got married. Abbey had to go. But he never forgave me till date.

Do you understand? We are no longer dating, but he still has not forgiven me even after 11yrs. Some people are wired like that.

Crafteck1:
First things first, are you financially viable?

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Trendylove:
Don't listen to what most of them say here excerpt you want to destroy your home. I think your wife is battling post partum trauma, sometimes when women get angry we say things we don't actually mean. Find out what you doing that is making her angry sometimes you men do things that makes your women angry without knowing it.
Surprised the some men are busy saying divorce your wife even the ones that are taking shit from their wives at home are here telling you to divorce your wife sorry for any person that will take rubbish advice from social media on how to handle their marriage or relationship seek the face of God or you go see your pastor.

Rinoxy:
Actually, there's no point forcing her. But you can still find a woman who would stand by you even if u're not financially buoyant.

chronique:
I'm not married but from the little I have seen from relationships, sometimes nothing you do is ever enough. I know you don't want a broken home but you need to also pay attention to your health. Things like this have a way of affecting us health wise and we might not know on time until things have gone real bad. I'm talking from personal experience and I know what I'm saying. When you start getting really sick, you'd realize all you have is yourself and your family at most. Nothing is as bad as being dependent on people to do certain things for you. My advice to you is that you focus on your health. If you have done all you can and nothing changes, please let her go. I know it's hard but you honestly have to look out for yourself.

Hezzyluv:
Na wao...

Na your fault. You saw all the red flags during courtship, but you neglected it. Your only concern was...
she carry back
she carry front.
She too package
I can't leave
The more reason why I can't leave her..
Now, see where it has landed you to. Barely one year marriage heading for divorce

Any advise people gives you here may not work again, since you had tried all you could to restore peace to no avail. And from the beginning, nothing like Peace @all. Because, 30% peace is not Worth it. Report it to God. perhaps, "him go dey merciful 2u help you arrange your marriage back". Then, even God warned you by showing you red flags, but you choose to turn deaf ears.


See to be honest with you, humanly speaking or from human point of view, it appears it's done and dusted. She has even told you to go and have sex outside if you wish, which means she can go and have sex elsewhere too if she so desire. That's if she never start having sex outside. The one that breaks the camel's back is that, "her parents are fully in support of her".
Maybe them don see one bigman way wan marry their daughter wey don start to dey shower them money.

Cheers...