eazzzy1:


1. I hate to refer you to a work of fiction but how many years did it take the man in Acrimony to get his App to work?

2. Leaving one’s job to focus on his business is drive, dreams and ambition to me. If the business worked we wouldn’t be here now.

3. There’s no way to know the guy isn’t doing everything he can to better his situation. We humans are usually more concerned with the results than the process. A man can do everything right and everything go sideways for him.

4. Remember Joseph’s interpretation of Pharoah’s dream? 7 years season of famine and 7 years season of boom? What if this is his season of famine? It’s not like he’s just sleeping, waking and playing video games.

5. I just feel it’s unfair how a woman can fall back to her man’s money if things go wrong with her, a man has to grapple with his loss of income and then have to worry about his wife’s reaction to the new situation.

6. She makes money, why is sacrificing so difficult? Would she put up her kids for adoption because of the financial burden on her?

7. I think if you love someone, taking care of them would be a privilege not a burden.

1 - 3. The acrimony guy is solid boyfriend material. If he did not have his wife to leech on, would he not have catered for himself? Which responsible person chases his dreams without a source of income to support himself & family while waiting for the dream to manifest? He could have picked up a low paying job that would allow his time to chase his dreams. Let's be honest, if the wife was not in the picture, how would fend for his living expenses?

4. If this is his season of famine, what did he do with his season of surplus? In the analogy, the season of surplus came before the season of famine.

5. You not being straight forward here. We both know this is not an issue of temporary loss of income; we also know that this is not just sacrificing on the path of the wife which I elaborated in my first post to you.

6. Should we really compare 4 - 6 yr old kids to husbands now? Should we?

7. Onyeoma! I would believe in this type of your 'love' when a sole provider husband drives the domestics + massage his wife's ego without complaints.

'Do unto others as you want them to do unto you';

'Love your neighbor as you love yourself'.

Bukatyne, we have different perspectives on this issue. We can only learn from stories we see here. If every man will treat women the way women treat men no marriage will survive. Nice chat though.

eazzzy1:
Bukatyne, we have different perspectives on this issue. We can only learn from stories we see here. If every man will treat women the way women treat men no marriage will survive. Nice chat though.

Will you agree to relinquish your role as man of the house for a 50-50 partnership? That means you also clean the house, cook and stay home to cater to the kids. Maybe even carry children too if you can or help birth them. Breast feed too.

baby124:

Will you agree to relinquish your role as man of the house for a 50-50 partnership? That means you also clean the house, cook and stay home to cater to the kids. Maybe even carry children too if you can or help birth them. Breast feed too.

I don’t know where you people get the notion that men feel a type of way about doing chores. I’m the second to the last born in my family, my mandate and commissioning from the day I was born was to go do chores, plus I come from a family where doing chores was rewarded often. I have no problem at all with doing chores, I do 100% of my chores living alone, why should I want to stop doing chores because I got married? Did I marry a robot?

I do not believe in traditional roles, so doing chores isn’t giving up 50% of my roles as a man. My roles as a man is to be happy and have a happy family, any arrangement that makes this possible is fair game to me. I was in a live in relationship and asides cooking, I did pretty much every other thing, it wasn’t demanded of me, I just did it. My gf couldn’t walk from point A to B without acting like she gave Yokozuna a piggy back, so instead of giving massages all day I just did the work, it was also my house so her bills were limited to wifi, groceries, cable (which was shared 50/50).

Two people who claim to love themselves should be there for themselves, it’s not supposed to be rocket science in my opinion. If both couples work, they should both contribute financially to their family. If one of them works, the person should take charge of the finances till the other person starts earning. If I had tits that produce milk I would breastfeed without stress and if my wife runs out of milk and I have to be the only one breastfeeding, it wouldn’t be a burden to me.

Now if that’s how most guys think, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

If you want to know where people are getting the idea that men feel a certain way about doing chores, listen to your fellow guys and the thing they actually say.

@bold, is perfectly stated.

eazzzy1:


I don’t know where you people get the notion that men feel a type of way about doing chores. I’m the second to the last born in my family, my mandate and commissioning from the day I was born was to go do chores, plus I come from a family where doing chores was rewarded often. I have no problem at all with doing chores, I do 100% of my chores living alone, why should I want to stop doing chores because I got married? Did I marry a robot?

I do not believe in traditional roles, so doing chores isn’t giving up 50% of my roles as a man. My roles as a man is to be happy and have a happy wife any arrangement that makes this possible is fair game to me. I was in a live in relationship and asides cooking, I did pretty much every other thing, it wasn’t demanded of me, I just did it. My gf couldn’t walk from point A to B without acting like she gave Yokozuna a piggy back, so instead of giving massages all day I just did the work, it was also my house so her bills were limited to wifi, groceries, cable (which was shared 50/50).

Two people who claim to love themselves should be there for themselves, it’s not supposed to be rocket science in my opinion. If I had tits that produce milk I would breastfeed without stress and if my wife runs out of milk and I have to be the only one breastfeeding, it wouldn’t be a burden to me.

cococandy:
Now if that’s how most guys think, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

If you want to know where people are getting the idea that men feel a certain way about doing chores, listen to your fellow guys and the thing they actually say.

@bold, is perfectly stated.

I guess it’s different strokes for different folks. Why should someone be living and have a problem with chores? seeing as this chores happen to be there because we are living. Maybe some of the people grew up with maids and they never did anything. Not me.

RichGal:


Hi Donpenny

Thanks. I can't afford to be less ambitious. I have a responsibility to my family.

I have a job that should be referred to as well paid but I realised I seem to be living from paycheck to paycheck cos there's always bills to pay.

Lately, I've been thinking of giving my family a yearly vacation experience. I can't do that on my salary. So I've been gaining new skills and researching on other sources of legit income so I can fund these dreams.

I don't understand how my husband doesn't feel any sense of shame. Maybe cos I always said to him that we are a team and what belongs to one belongs to all.

lets hear your husband story first woman can play the emotional game very well.

You want to wait until your kids are grown, you will not be young and youthful and to re marry will be less than possible. You will be bitter, aged and miserable, I just pity you. Time waits for no man. You better start making moves right now before it’s too late, trust me your children will be fine. Forget about what people say, because right now in your situation people are still mocking you. Or you think people haven’t observed that your husband is jobless? People will still talk about you even if your reputation has no stain. Lol you better sit tight and face reality. This is if you truly plan to leave and live in peace.

If you want to stay, I can only tell you the reality. It is highly unlikely that he will take the financial burden off yu. He has been complacent for 6 years, it’s not going to end any time soon. Put yourself in a mental state where you can accept this and cope in the best way possible. You can encourage and push him, but there’s only so much you can do as you cannot force a man to change. He has to be willing. Don’t bottle this up, talk to the RIGHT people. Emphasis on right! They might be able to turn this situation around for you.

You can not overcome this problem on your own, you have tried for 6 years. You cannot do the same thing over and over and expect different results. Think fast and act now, you are not getting any younger. Don’t waste your youth, because once it’s gone.. it’s gone forever. Good luck.

RichGal:
Hello everyone

Long post alert.

I feel like I'm burning out. I have been married to a guy I think I'm crazy in love with for 6 years plus. We got 2 kids.

I have been solely responsible for the bills, I mean every single bill. From houserent, to school fees, to car maintenance, to feeding and toiletries.

I have been very patient with my husband cos I'm not a materialistic woman. I really don't attach much value to money, it's just a tool to achieve required stuff.

Here's the issue. My husband is an unambitious person with no personal goals.
When we were dating, I always pushed him to achieve more and I felt since I was the ambitious one, I could always motivate him, so long as he was willing to be motivated.

But now, after all these years and two kids, I AM TIRED.

My ATM card is mostly with him, all he knows to do is spend, spend, spend while I work, work, work,plan,plan,plan and save, save, save.

I feel he has no understanding of responsibility and he has become so comfortable with me wearing these shoes.

I always have to push my personal needs aside and think of the family first.

Now I'm at a point where I'm just waiting for the kids to be grown and then I'll leave him. I don't even know sef. I feel emotionally neglected. I feel resentful. I feel all these things cos I can't walk out of this marriage cos of my Christian beliefs, my children, and maybe cos a part of me still loves him.

But, I feel myself growing apart from him daily. Sometimes, I feel I would have done way better if I wasn't married to him. I feel burdened.

If I could have an affair to maintain some form of mental stability I would, but I can't. I think he knows this so he feels confident that I ain't going no where but I'll shock him.

I'm just tired of taking care of everyone without being taken care of. I keep pouring out and giving

We look like the picture perfect couple. We are both very attractive, young looking and have great chemistry but that's all there is to it.

I can't even remember the last time we both had a meaningful conversation on an intellectual level cos while I'm all about self development, dude is all about whatever he is all about.

I really don't know. I'm really sad and getting to my threshold.

eazzzy1:


I don’t know where you people get the notion that men feel a type of way about doing chores. I’m the second to the last born in my family, my mandate and commissioning from the day I was born was to go do chores, plus I come from a family where doing chores was rewarded often. I have no problem at all with doing chores, I do 100% of my chores living alone, why should I want to stop doing chores because I got married? Did I marry a robot?

I do not believe in traditional roles, so doing chores isn’t giving up 50% of my roles as a man. My roles as a man is to be happy and have a happy family, any arrangement that makes this possible is fair game to me. I was in a live in relationship and asides cooking, I did pretty much every other thing, it wasn’t demanded of me, I just did it. My gf couldn’t walk from point A to B without acting like she gave Yokozuna a piggy back, so instead of giving massages all day I just did the work, it was also my house so her bills were limited to wifi, groceries, cable (which was shared 50/50).

Two people who claim to love themselves should be there for themselves, it’s not supposed to be rocket science in my opinion. If both couples work, they should both contribute financially to their family. If one of them works, the person should take charge of the finances till the other person starts earning. If I had tits that produce milk I would breastfeed without stress and if my wife runs out of milk and I have to be the only one breastfeeding, it wouldn’t be a burden to me.

Your story is too long. Can you do and are you capable of doing what it takes to become a 50-50 partner? You keep referring to Nigerian men this and that, do you understand the dynamics in a Nigerian home? Did you grow up in a home with a mom and dad? And one where they contributed 50-50, with the man cooking and handling domestic duties in addition to contributing? I hope you did because, then we can have this conversation truly. Cause what you wrote up there is a ramble. Typical Nigerian man will not cook, clean or stay at home with the kids. That is why what they bring to the table is important. You think OP’s husband is doing domestic chores

If he is doing the house duties, why cry?

Place him on monthly allowance.

You saw him that way and married him.

You can never change him.

It wil be a concern if he don't help in the house.

Some husbands are naturally that way.

They do well in secured paid employment.

baby124:
Well my dear, this is how you have been carrying on before marriage. He married you because you are sympathetic to his plight and enable him. I am sure other girls abandoned him and you picked him up as your project.

The fact is, a lot of times, some women are smarter and more intelligent than their husbands. They have a higher earning potential and they recognize this. So they don’t mind marrying a less ambitious man because they can cover the family financially. But the husband mostly must be very reasonable for that agreement to work.

Also, he may work hard at work but never get the kind of favor you will. Maybe you need to start being reasonable and find new financial agreements. Sit him down and tell him his spending habits are becoming a burden and you both need to start planning for your future so things need to change.

Ask him to please commit to deducting automatically from his pay to a joint account for household expenses monthly. Do your calculation and determine what is needed. Leave everything outside that alone for him. This will include feeding, school fees, bills and money for projects.

Open a savings account with your bank and keep money there, while what is in your regular account is just for little errands here and there. So when he takes the ATM, his spending will be minimal. Put a limit on your daily spending on your checking too, so if he goes on spending sprees it will not go through. You do not need to disclose what is in this savings or that you have it, as he will start thinking up business ideas to squander it. Do not get ATM for your savings and limit online access or transfers in that savings account. It’s very important that as a family you have emergency savings.

I know you see many women being spoiled, financially by their men and probably feel bad. But many women put up fronts and tell lies and just in your shoes or worse. Doing things like you did, transferring school fees into his account so he will feel more manly. Make sure he also does not have a leech in the name of side chick he is feeding.

If he does not agree to the joint bill account, which you will manage. Please assign him bills like school fees and rent. If the rent is too high for his pay then you can help him out there. But school fees, he should pay if he’s working and it’s reasonable. Not that you went to enroll your kids in Atlantic hall while he has a government job and, you expect him to pay such fees.

Baby 1234, all these won't work. Guy already had his target in the beginning of the relationship.
Hook up with a hardworking woman, nack her belle, relax and enjoy.

I have a friend that's in worst condition than this lady with 3 kids. She left and moved back in. Guy didn't bulge. He always have big dream. Big pastor . Goes to all the big churches, practice how to speak like big man of god. Stopped his flourishing business.
I quietly detached myself from her family cos its everyday complain. Before I will say one bad thing

cococandy:
You’re being an ass to the OP because cococandy has an opinion you don’t agree with?

What do you expect from a "misinformed clown?"

eazzzy1:
Bukatyne, we have different perspectives on this issue. We can only learn from stories we see here. If every man will treat women the way women treat men no marriage will survive. Nice chat though.

@bold:

Most men wouldn't agree though. They know it is the other way round.

@Nice chat: same here.

RichGal:
Hello everyone

Long post alert.

I feel like I'm burning out. I have been married to a guy I think I'm crazy in love with for 6 years plus. We got 2 kids.

I have been solely responsible for the bills, I mean every single bill. From houserent, to school fees, to car maintenance, to feeding and toiletries.

I have been very patient with my husband cos I'm not a materialistic woman. I really don't attach much value to money, it's just a tool to achieve required stuff.

Here's the issue. My husband is an unambitious person with no personal goals.
When we were dating, I always pushed him to achieve more and I felt since I was the ambitious one, I could always motivate him, so long as he was willing to be motivated.

But now, after all these years and two kids, I AM TIRED.

My ATM card is mostly with him, all he knows to do is spend, spend, spend while I work, work, work,plan,plan,plan and save, save, save.

I feel he has no understanding of responsibility and he has become so comfortable with me wearing these shoes.

I always have to push my personal needs aside and think of the family first.

Now I'm at a point where I'm just waiting for the kids to be grown and then I'll leave him. I don't even know sef. I feel emotionally neglected. I feel resentful. I feel all these things cos I can't walk out of this marriage cos of my Christian beliefs, my children, and maybe cos a part of me still loves him.

But, I feel myself growing apart from him daily. Sometimes, I feel I would have done way better if I wasn't married to him. I feel burdened.

If I could have an affair to maintain some form of mental stability I would, but I can't. I think he knows this so he feels confident that I ain't going no where but I'll shock him.

I'm just tired of taking care of everyone without being taken care of. I keep pouring out and giving

We look like the picture perfect couple. We are both very attractive, young looking and have great chemistry but that's all there is to it.
I can't even remember the last time we both had a meaningful conversation on an intellectual level cos while I'm all about self development, dude is all about whatever he is all about.

I really don't know. I'm really sad and getting to my threshold.

I don't have anything nice to tell you,keep paying the bills because you are among those ladies saying i don't want to be a liability to any man and as such you'll share bills,please keep up the good work.

When we tell women to consider men with money and one that understands responsibility, they don't listen. You want to become a strong, black and independent woman. Even the men will come out wailing "LIABILITY"! Na una sabi.

Like I always say, I can't be that woman. Love isn't the first thing I consider when I meet a man. The beauty of a man is his money. Others follow.

Happily a gold digger. ✌

Don't quote me. I'm not feeling fine.

UyaiIncomparabl:
When we tell women to consider men with money and one that understands responsibility, they don't listen. You want to become a strong, black and independent woman. Even the men will come out wailing "LIABILITY"! Na una sabi.

Like I always say, I can't be that woman. Love isn't the first thing I consider when I meet a man. The beauty of a man is his money. Others follow.

Happily a gold digger. ✌

Don't quote me. I'm not feeling fine.

She said the man had a job before, he quit in the 1st year of marriage saying he wanted to do business.

This is where it becomes tricky because would you now File for divorce because of this decision? Remember she just had a child, It also means the baby would be affected, apart from that the stress of taking care of a baby alone will not allow you make such decision. Remember that business doesn't fail immediately, It takes years to finally come to the conclusion/realisation that your business has failed.

It is simple on paper but not really simple when you analyse it deeply.

[quote author=RichGal post=111415725] Hello everyone

Long post alert.

I feel like I'm burning out. I have been married to a guy I think I'm crazy in love with for 6 years plus. We got 2 kids.

I have been solely responsible for the bills, I mean every single bill. From houserent, to school fees, to car maintenance, to feeding and toiletries.

I have been very patient with my husband cos I'm not a materialistic woman. I really don't attach much value to money, it's just a tool to achieve required stuff.

Here's the issue. My husband is an unambitious person with no personal goals.
When we were dating, I always pushed him to achieve more and I felt since I was the ambitious one, I could always motivate him, so long as he was willing to be motivated.

But now, after all these years and two kids, I AM TIRED.

My ATM card is mostly with him, all he knows to do is spend, spend, spend while I work, work, work,plan,plan,plan and save, save, save.

I feel he has no understanding of responsibility and he has become so comfortable with me wearing these shoes.

I always have to push my personal needs aside and think of the family first.

Now I'm at a point where I'm just waiting for the kids to be grown and then I'll leave him. I don't even know sef. I feel emotionally neglected. I feel resentful. I feel all these things cos I can't walk out of this marriage cos of my Christian beliefs, my children, and maybe cos a part of me still loves him.

But, I feel myself growing apart from him daily. Sometimes, I feel I would have done way better if I wasn't married to him. I feel burdened.

If I could have an affair to maintain some form of mental stability I would, but I can't. I think he knows this so he feels confident that I ain't going no where but I'll shock him.

I'm just tired of taking care of everyone without being taken care of. I keep pouring out and giving

We look like the picture perfect couple. We are both very attractive, young looking and have great chemistry but that's all there is to it.

I can't even remember the last time we both had a meaningful conversation on an intellectual level cos while I'm all about self development, dude is all about whatever he is all about.

I really don't know. I'm really sad and getting to my threshold.
[/qduote]
Women are designed by God to receive receive receive.
Men are designed by God to give give give.
Na your case is reverse.
Elders in the house una advice, suggestion and solution is needed here urgently

baby124:

Your story is too long. Can you do and are you capable of doing what it takes to become a 50-50 partner? You keep referring to Nigerian men this and that, do you understand the dynamics in a Nigerian home? Did you grow up in a home with a mom and dad? And one where they contributed 50-50, with the man cooking and handling domestic duties in addition to contributing? I hope you did because, then we can have this conversation truly. Cause what you wrote up there is a ramble. Typical Nigerian man will not cook, clean or stay at home with the kids. That is why what they bring to the table is important. You think OP’s husband is doing domestic chores

Did she mention anywhere that her husband wasn’t doing chores? Does it seem a fair exchange to you that a man should work for 40 years of his life in exchange for someone to do the dishes? I grew up in a home where both parents did chores till the kids were old enough to take over. Besides are we going to say the Nigeria of today is the same as the 90’s?

Why was there an uproar from women when Buhari said his wife belongs to the kitchen, living room and the other room if that is truly what the typical Nigeria home is? Well it doesn’t look like we will get anywhere with this conversation. Enjoy your day Ms.

truthsayer009:


She said the man had a job before, he quit in the 1st year of marriage saying he wanted to do business.

This is where it becomes tricky because would you now File for divorce because of this decision? Remember she just had a child, It also means the baby would be affected, apart from that the stress of taking care of a baby alone will not allow you make such decision. Remember that business doesn't fail immediately, It takes years to finally come to the conclusion/realisation that your business has failed.

It is simple on paper but not really simple when you analyse it deeply.

Forget that he had a job in the beginning. That man is just an unambitious person. Why would a man sit and feel relaxed for a woman to pick up his bills and take care of him? Not for 1 or 2 years.
This has been going on since the marriage began. An unambitious man will lack the necessary skills to sustain one (a business).

Forget it, a woman can't be a provider for a long time, she will wear out. She wasn't created for that role. Try imagining a cash cow. I expend all my energy without anything to show for it.

Unfortunately, there's little to nothing the OP can do presently except that she divorces him. At least, it's better knowing you have to be responsible for your kids only than having to be responsible for another grown human who should fend for himself.

Richgal, clear this up for us...

is he a stay at home husband?

Does he take care of the home front and the kids while you bring in the money?

Does he cook you a hot meal ready for when you come home from work?

Are you doing both fronts or is he supporting you by running the home?

RichGal:


Hi baby124

Thanks for taking the time to respond.

He had job before we got married. We had our 1st child within our 1st year of marriage and he quit saying he wanted to do business.

Like every other plan he cooks up, he didn't stay consistent to see it through. More than 5 years later I'm left to take care of every thing.

I used to transfer the fees to him so he pays from his account but after he used our son's fees for a business, I was so heart broken. I don't give him school fees to pay anymore. I make the payments.

He does not pay for anything.

God

UyaiIncomparabl:


Forget that he had a job in the beginning. That man is just an unambitious person. Why would a man sit and feel relaxed for a woman to pick up his bills and take care of him? Not for 1 or 2 years.
This has been going on since the marriage began. An unambitious man will lack the necessary skills to sustain one (a business).

Forget it, a woman can't be a provider for a long time, she will wear out. She wasn't created for that role. Try imagining a cash cow. I expend all my energy without anything to show for it.

Unfortunately, there's little to nothing the OP can do presently except that she divorces him. At least, it's better knowing you have to be responsible for your kids only than having to be responsible for another grown human who should fend for himself.

Hmm true sha

Mariangeles:


If he doesn’t give her problems (like keeping side chicks and all) and respects her, she should learn to accept him and keep on encouraging him.
After all, she knew him to be that way before agreeing to marry him.

At least get a job and stick to it, not abdicate your financial responsibilities to your wife,

joinnow:
Women are designed by God to receive receive receive.
Men are designed by God to give give give.
Na your case is reverse.
Elders in the house una advice, suggestion and solution is needed here urgently

Abeg stop roping God into the nonsense fed you by your Pastors and mogs abeg!

There are cultures out there were women are the breadwinner while men stay home as househusbands. Don't now pretend God has a hand in the ridiculous ideas you were bred on.

Kobojunkie:
Abeg stop roping God into the nonsense fed you by your Pastors and mogs abeg!

There are cultures out there were women are the breadwinner while men stay home as househusbands. Don't now pretend God has a hand in the ridiculous ideas you were bred on.

Please mention such cultures for enlightenment. Just give me a list, I'll research myself. I'm referring to societies where traditional gender roles are by cultural definition reversed, not just places where they are practiced as a compromise or agreement between couples.

FYI, I already know about the Akan, Garo, Umoja, Bribri, Musuo, Khasi, Nagovisi, and MinanGkabau people and their matrilineal practices but so far none has mentioned househusbands

Ishilove:

At least get a job and stick to it, not abdicate your financial responsibilities to your wife,

Ishi, the matter tie kirikiri star!

It’ll be easier to get op’s (kinda) husband involved in a business(assuming op has one), than to expect him to keep a job.
That is what I’d do, if I were in her shoes.

There are women with husbands like hers, so it’s nothing new.
One just has to know how to handle the situation.

eazzzy1:


1. I don’t know where you people get the notion that men feel a type of way about doing chores.

2. I’m the second to the last born in my family, my mandate and commissioning from the day I was born was to go do chores, plus I come from a family where doing chores was rewarded often. I have no problem at all with doing chores, I do 100% of my chores living alone,

3. why should I want to stop doing chores because I got married? Did I marry a robot?

4. I do not believe in traditional roles, so doing chores isn’t giving up 50% of my roles as a man. My roles as a man is to be happy and have a happy family, any arrangement that makes this possible is fair game to me.

5. I was in a live in relationship and asides cooking, I did pretty much every other thing, it wasn’t demanded of me, I just did it. My gf couldn’t walk from point A to B without acting like she gave Yokozuna a piggy back, so instead of giving massages all day I just did the work, it was also my house so her bills were limited to wifi, groceries, cable (which was shared 50/50).

6. Two people who claim to love themselves should be there for themselves, it’s not supposed to be rocket science in my opinion. If both couples work, they should both contribute financially to their family. If one of them works, the person should take charge of the finances till the other person starts earning.

7. If I had tits that produce milk I would breastfeed without stress and if my wife runs out of milk and I have to be the only one breastfeeding, it wouldn’t be a burden to me.

1. Are you on this earth sir? Even foreign women are writing thesis about this issue.

2. In my experience, the average man's attitude towards chores in his birth home and marital home are different

3. Let's wait till you marry fess. More husbands are open to doing more chores these days sha. Drop your wife's contact when you marry so we can ask her.

4. Hmmmmm. I find that irrespective of the model a couple choose (except they sincerely follow wife provider & husband caregiver model), they default to traditional roles. The wife is concerned with the things a traditional wife is concerned with; ditto the husband. A change might just be joint decision making and anyone picking up some chores they like depending on availability and the wife is still tasked with home management. As a Christian, the headship of the husband is not tied to his financial contributions or chores he does (discussion for another day or not).

5. Ok, why 50-50 for cable though? Why didn't one person pick up the bill (just asking)

6. Ideally true. And I believe the person at home more/ have more time should do more of the chores. However, the OP is different from this and practically, a lot of families do not function this way.

7. Oshe!

RichGal:


Hi Donpenny

Thanks. I can't afford to be less ambitious. I have a responsibility to my family.

I have a job that should be referred to as well paid but I realised I seem to be living from paycheck to paycheck cos there's always bills to pay.

Lately, I've been thinking of giving my family a yearly vacation experience. I can't do that on my salary. So I've been gaining new skills and researching on other sources of legit income so I can fund these dreams.

I don't understand how my husband doesn't feel any sense of shame. Maybe cos I always said to him that we are a team and what belongs to one belongs to all.

@RichGal
I must say that you are the kind of woman that every man dreams of in terms of building an empire. It's a pity that you married someone who doesn't match your industry and desires of growth. But I do understand that you were in love (probably because he's handsome and all). Truly, there are many handsome men who are also hardworking out there. My sincere advice is that you should open up to his family or pastor or someone else that he respects. Peace.

Double0h7:
Richgal, clear this up for us...

is he a stay at home husband?

Does he take care of the home front and the kids while you bring in the money?

Does he cook you a hot meal ready for when you come home from work?

Are you doing both fronts or is he supporting you by running the home?

Hi, Good afternoon.
My husband helps out with chores.

A typical day has me getting the kids ready in the morning while he is in the kitchen.

No I don't come home to a hot meal waiting LOL. I cook on weekends.

But the point seems to be misunderstood. I did not sign up to be a sole financial provider but to have my own earnings and I do not mind supporting my family.

Once again, I'd like to state that sharing my issues here has been quite helpful. First, I don't feel as bitter as I felt when I was making the first post and that is a major step towards making the right decisions with a clear head.

Thanks to everyone who made meaningful contributions.

God bless you all.

Donpenny:
I really felt for you because i can see the pain in your write up. At this stage your mental health is paramount, all you need to do is you have to be less ambitious, have few desire , adope simplicity and care more about your inner peace . You need all this right now so you can have a clear picture of things before you can take the right decision. Is unfortunate you married a mentally lazy man whose priority is to take care of his look so he could look good to others out their at the expense of his family. Aka fine boy

Really?



She should shrink herself!

Do you realise the family's afloat because of her?

Klass99:
@ Eazzzy1, you had me laughing out loud at your reference to Acrimony. How can such a parasitic character and man be a reference point for anything good?

He is a classic example of a tick, that insect that feeds on the blood of dogs. It sucks the blood out of dogs and then falls off when it is full. I mean the male lead in acrimony o.

It used to be that War Room, was the movie and standard, married Naija women on this forum were advised to aspire to. You have now added Acrimony to the list for them ba?

Tyler Perry no try at all, even the box office reviews and ratings on that movie were wack and below average.

klass99, I used acrimony as a reference point to say something good can still come out of someone who has been useless for so long. I am not advising that women aspire to be Taraji. Should he have done better? absolutely. He came through for her when God decided to pick his call, even though she left him. The reason why I initially advised the OP to leave instead of cheating.

I think the whole point of my argument is lost, should people who claim to love each other feel burdened by shouldering the responsibilities of their loved ones? Maybe I’m projecting but I will not feel burdened by providing for a loved one especially when I have the wherewithal to do so.