Well my dear, this is how you have been carrying on before marriage. He married you because you are sympathetic to his plight and enable him. I am sure other girls abandoned him and you picked him up as your project.

The fact is, a lot of times, some women are smarter and more intelligent than their husbands. They have a higher earning potential and they recognize this. So they don’t mind marrying a less ambitious man because they can cover the family financially. But the husband mostly must be very reasonable for that agreement to work.

Also, he may work hard at work but never get the kind of favor you will. Maybe you need to start being reasonable and find new financial agreements. Sit him down and tell him his spending habits are becoming a burden and you both need to start planning for your future so things need to change.

Ask him to please commit to deducting automatically from his pay to a joint account for household expenses monthly. Do your calculation and determine what is needed. Leave everything outside that alone for him. This will include feeding, school fees, bills and money for projects.

Open a savings account with your bank and keep money there, while what is in your regular account is just for little errands here and there. So when he takes the ATM, his spending will be minimal. Put a limit on your daily spending on your checking too, so if he goes on spending sprees it will not go through. You do not need to disclose what is in this savings or that you have it, as he will start thinking up business ideas to squander it. Do not get ATM for your savings and limit online access or transfers in that savings account. It’s very important that as a family you have emergency savings.

I know you see many women being spoiled, financially by their men and probably feel bad. But many women put up fronts and tell lies and just in your shoes or worse. Doing things like you did, transferring school fees into his account so he will feel more manly. Make sure he also does not have a leech in the name of side chick he is feeding.

If he does not agree to the joint bill account, which you will manage. Please assign him bills like school fees and rent. If the rent is too high for his pay then you can help him out there. But school fees, he should pay if he’s working and it’s reasonable. Not that you went to enroll your kids in Atlantic hall while he has a government job and, you expect him to pay such fees.

Your dude must be a yoruba guy! Once they see a woman capable of handling things, they let you do it. Hian! Didnt you know that "sense of responsibility" is a thing that must be checked in a guy before marrying him? Why in the world would you marry a guy comfortable with you wearing the trousers? Those guys that would not buy stuff for you while dating, pick some of your bills or simply give you money to sort things turn out to be terrible husbands when it comes to holding the material angle of the home. Money is important! Whew! It will only get worse o and by the time the kids are grown,you would have out grown your youthful years embittered with a terrible husband. Poor you.

Life is tough though, you choose your battles. It is well.

you dey work but monkey dey chop. for good 6yrs your HOUSE-BAND has refused to take care of his responsibilities . TUFIAKA ool

be there pampering him , lay down your life on the altar of love . someone who loves you will remove load from your head not dump more on it.

how can a grown man with balls feel relaxed while his wife is working to death ? even cripple man goes out to hustle so his family gets bread to eat. what a lazy man !

my sister , this is time to tell yourself the truth cos you don enter one chance for this marriage. . your husband useless o. he even take your money to pay his vows in the church . lol.

he don see big mugu. you better sit him down and tell him to man up or you continue to grumble and work to death cos nothing will change .

Double0h7, first I'd like to say thank you for your meaningful contribution.

Before I decided to join this forum and cry out to strangers, I'm totally at my wits end. I cannot talk to family cos I feel ashamed. Once my older brother gave my husband a lumpsum to start a laundry business within our estate cos he came up with this grand plan.

My husband only purchased two pressing irons and I don't know how that went.

I have had to retrieve my card and turn a blind eye to an empty pantry but I couldn't sustain it. Trust me when I say my husband has sold his pride like Esau sold his birthright.

I can't mention some of the things he's asked me to pay for that he ought to feel a little ashamed about.

I started thinking that maybe he was depressed and I tried to talk to him and it wasn't the case.

I Don Taya abeg.

The other time, he came and told me he was learning one course that's a required skill for a job he applied for. It's almost 2 months, when I brought it up he started with the excuses but he can stay up watching DC movies.

I suggested a skill for him to learn and he said he isn't really interested and I said, honey, do you really think I love my job that much? But I have to do it cos we need the money.

I got so frustrated last year, I started talking to some guy I met on Reddit. But I ended things after one month. That was the first time I ever did anything close to cheating and even though it wasn't physical, it made me realize for the first time that there were serious issues in my marriage that needed to be addressed.

RichGal:
Double0h7, first I'd like to say thank you for your meaningful contribution.

Before I decided to join this forum and cry out to strangers, I'm totally at my wits end. I cannot talk to family cos I feel ashamed. Once my older brother gave my husband a lumpsum to start a laundry business within our estate cos he came up with this grand plan.

My husband only purchased two pressing irons and I don't know how that went.

I have had to retrieve my card and turn a blind eye to an empty pantry but I couldn't sustain it. Trust me when I say my husband has sold his pride like Esau sold his birthright.

I can't mention some of the things he's asked me to pay for that he ought to feel a little ashamed about.

I started thinking that maybe he was depressed and I tried to talk to him and it wasn't the case.

I Don Taya abeg.

The other time, he came and told me he was learning one course that's a required skill for a job he applied for. It's almost 2 months, when I brought it up he started with the excuses but he can stay up watching DC movies.

I suggested a skill for him to learn and he said he isn't really interested and I said, honey, do you really think I love my job that much? But I have to do it cos we need the money.

I got so frustrated last year, I started talking to some guy I met on Reddit. But I ended things after one month. That was the first time I ever did anything close to cheating and even though it wasn't physical, it made me realize for the first time that there were serious issues in my marriage that needed to be addressed.

Do you mean he does not have a job AT ALL?
At the bolded, please investigate him. He’s spending money on someone. The money is definitely going somewhere

baby124:

Do you mean he does not have a job AT ALL?
At the bolded, please investigate him. He’s spending money on someone. The money is definitely going somewhere

No he doesn't. Once in 6 months, he would have a small contract that really can't pay the rent but I celebrate it with him cos at least it's something.

At this point, I really don't care to investigate him. I'm just trying to reorientate myself to stop loving and deeply caring for him so I can totally face my kids and plan for my future.

Sad that it's come to this but I don't feel alive anymore. I want to live.

RichGal:


No he doesn't. Once in 6 months, he would have a small contract that really can't pay the rent but I celebrate it with him cos at least it's something.

At this point, I really don't care to investigate him. I'm just trying to reorientate myself to stop loving and deeply caring for him so I can totally face my kids and plan for my future.

Sad that it's come to this but I don't feel alive anymore. I want to live.

Well, I think you probably suspect because, if you are working hard and he’s spending on things that have no result, then you need to know! It will give you leverage and the drive to make sure he stands up. It will also make you wake up from any stupidity and refuse to be used again.

Someone like him is better off with a government job! He’s got responsibilities now, there is no patience for the once in a year contract.

RichGal:
Double0h7, first I'd like to say thank you for your meaningful contribution.

Before I decided to join this forum and cry out to strangers, I'm totally at my wits end. I cannot talk to family cos I feel ashamed. Once my older brother gave my husband a lumpsum to start a laundry business within our estate cos he came up with this grand plan.

My husband only purchased two pressing irons and I don't know how that went.

I have had to retrieve my card and turn a blind eye to an empty pantry but I couldn't sustain it. Trust me when I say my husband has sold his pride like Esau sold his birthright.

I can't mention some of the things he's asked me to pay for that he ought to feel a little ashamed about.

I started thinking that maybe he was depressed and I tried to talk to him and it wasn't the case.

I Don Taya abeg.

The other time, he came and told me he was learning one course that's a required skill for a job he applied for. It's almost 2 months, when I brought it up he started with the excuses but he can stay up watching DC movies.

I suggested a skill for him to learn and he said he isn't really interested and I said, honey, do you really think I love my job that much? But I have to do it cos we need the money.

I got so frustrated last year, I started talking to some guy I met on Reddit. But I ended things after one month. That was the first time I ever did anything close to cheating and even though it wasn't physical, it made me realize for the first time that there were serious issues in my marriage that needed to be addressed.

Damn, I'm lost for words. You need to figure out what it is that you love about this man, what did you think would happen if you single handedly raised an adult. Did you think he would celebrate you and worship the ground you walk on or did you think he'd change?.
Something about you seems to think a relationship with a man is a mother and child situation rather than two adults living together and growing together.

I think it's time you spoke up and told someone in a position of power over him. If you have a relationship with his family then start there, followed by his church leader, and if none of these work then you have to tell your family. You might be better off alone since you're already alone in terms of responsibilities.

I really don't want to tell you to divorce him but you might have to separate, and ask him to leave if he isn't willing to pay his way, let alone sponsor his family. You have to put an end to this because he won't, he has too much to gain, he won't volunteer to change so you have to push him out of the nest.

You've done the first step and ranted to strangers on the internet, and now the next step is to rant to people he respects, and then finally your family if worst comes to worst.

dawnomike:
I really understand how you must be feeling... So, many ladies are fast finding themselves in this type of situation nowadays. So bad that your husband is not manning up.
Please focus on taking good care of the kids for now... May God guide you cos this kain matter dey tie gele

The 'what do women bring to the table' NL men always ranting here should come read this.

That a lot do so much and keep mute about it just not to bruise the egos of their partners.

At OP, I really don't know what to say to you.

God abeg.

RichGal:
Double0h7, first I'd like to say thank you for your meaningful contribution.

1. Before I decided to join this forum and cry out to strangers, I'm totally at my wits end. I cannot talk to family cos I feel ashamed. Once my older brother gave my husband a lumpsum to start a laundry business within our estate cos he came up with this grand plan.
My husband only purchased two pressing irons and I don't know how that went.

2. I have had to retrieve my card and turn a blind eye to an empty pantry but I couldn't sustain it. Trust me when I say my husband has sold his pride like Esau sold his birthright. I can't mention some of the things he's asked me to pay for that he ought to feel a little ashamed about.

3. I started thinking that maybe he was depressed and I tried to talk to him and it wasn't the case. I Don Taya abeg. The other time, he came and told me he was learning one course that's a required skill for a job he applied for. It's almost 2 months, when I brought it up he started with the excuses but he can stay up watching DC movies.

I suggested a skill for him to learn and he said he isn't really interested and I said, honey, do you really think I love my job that much? But I have to do it cos we need the money.

4. I got so frustrated last year, I started talking to some guy I met on Reddit. But I ended things after one month. That was the first time I ever did anything close to cheating and even though it wasn't physical, it made me realize for the first time that there were serious issues in my marriage that needed to be addressed.

1. Interesting!

2. Did he sell his pride or has he always been this way? You say you sold his pride but at what point in your relationship do you think this may have happened, if at all?

3. See... you playing mother to a man you are instead married to. This issue is born of love but a desire to control.

4. Please seek professional counseling for your marriage and situation. I say this cause I don't want you to end up like the many other "my pastor said" frustration wife out there who all became that way before of problems in their marriage.

You are, right now the "head" of your household and you are best instead working towards a situation where you both occupy as equal partners in your union and for that to happen, you have to give up your role as mother to your husband and provider to him as well...

Sorry you didn’t marry a man. You married a liability. He is a disgrace to men.

Not again. . .

I felt some type of chills reading your post because at first I thought It was one of those fake Nairaland stories again, but this is different and I can feel the emotion from the writeup.

First, the problem started when your hubby decided to leave 9-5 job and go into business, enterprenuership isn't for everyone and isn't suited for people who have no financial family backup. What he needs is a job, something to raise his hopes again. He needs to dust his CV, swallow his pride and start searching for Full-time jobs, not contract. What he will first discover is that most of his mates then have gone far in their career, he will have to start again from stratch.

He has to look for a job, period. He can start from low paying jobs that at least brings in something at the end of the month.

Another thing that works is challenging him with the help of his friends, speaking from a man's POV, I would feel very uncomfortable if my friends question my life or career choices and try to do someting about it.

Some simple questions that he can be asked
- What type of job was he doing before? -- He can go back there.
- Does he love writing? - Then he can go into professional writing, on Upwork, Freelancer etc
- Does he love computers or shining gadgets? -- Then he can into tech, designing or programming.
- Does he love talking to people? -- Then he can go into Customer Support or Technical Customer Support etc

faithfull18:

The 'what do women bring to the table' NL men always ranting here should come read this.

That a lot do so much and keep mute about it just not to bruise the egos of their partners.

At OP, I really don't know what to say to you.

God abeg.

Good afternoon ma, we have landed.

You've to come to the realization and acceptance that you have a complacent man as a husband, whereas a gritty man, not a greedy man though, is the kind of man that suits your personality for a spouse. Complacency is as bad as greed, and can even be worse in some cases. His problem isn't a lack of sense of responsibility; instead; inherently, he isn't a builder but a waster/destroyer.

His kind of man, skillfully or not, most likely do well in jobs that entail sycophancy, provided that they are certain of getting some crumbles in the end. If you want to have him adjust to a reasonable length, you've to be ready to accept that you're going to have a frenemy as a husband, temporarily or permanently, while embracing mental transmutation at the same time. To realize this, start treating him according to his actions and mentality rather than how you rightly think and know a husband should be treated; you can get this done without throwing away your established standard outright.

Husbands like OP’s aren’t even rare.
Wives cover up a lot in marriage because they are bad wives if they seek to take credit for their contributions. Even those “what do women bring to the table” type of nairalanders have moms who pulled their weights financially yet they saw all that and refuse to acknowledge it just so they can score xtupid internet points.

The main problem is that while they let their wives do the “man’s job” in the family, they vehemently refuse to take the the “woman’s job”. Hence the wives always always feel resentful and used.
You guys need to start talking to each other, encouraging each other to be fair and do better.

OP good luck. I don’t have anything extra that hasn’t already been said by those before me.

baby124:


Well, I think you probably suspect because, if you are working hard and he’s spending on things that have no result, then you need to know! It will give you leverage and the drive to make sure he stands up. It will also make you wake up from any stupidity and refuse to be used again.

Someone like him is better off with a government job! He’s got responsibilities now, there is no patience for the once in a year contract.

Actually you are correct, someone with his attitude can only do a government job , preferably a federal work, if the wife can cough out funds to buy a slot for him, that will be cool, at least the dependency will reduce and he might get to discover his self worth at work.
When you are used to getting something on a platter, it gets very hard to work for that same thing, the wife has really tried but I know the husband case is not a lost cause, he can be redeemed.

IceColdVeins:
Atleast, you now have a first hand experience of how it feels to be a provider(man). Woe betides any wife that treats her hardworking husband with dishonor.

Nope!

She has the experience of the primary provider + primary caregiver.

It is a disaster.

RichGal:


No, he spends on household needs. But because I do the earning, I always know how to plan within budget and negotiate better.

He on the other hand doesn't mind purchasing what isn't needed. I have had to tell him that he can't expect me to pay whatever obligations he pledged in church.

But then if I get a commission from a business referral, I share the proceeds by giving him a percentage so he at least has funds to cater to personal needs.

My husband has a weakness with being consistent and goal oriented. I didn't have a problem helping him stay on course but now I do cos I don't feel like this is a partnership anymore.

I don't really feel he adds any value to me and I don't really look up to him and it makes me sad.

The bolded is making me shocked like are you supposed to pay his pledge?

You saw the problem in your dating stage and you still entered the marriage. Hopefully some people would give you very good and sound advice.

@Richgal, I really wonder what you wanted to hear from Nairaland

You know who he is, you went ahead to marry him..6years down, you are complaining.

What exactly do you want people to do? Condemn him like some ladies are doing up there, or praise you?

You dated a guy who enjoys being pushed and he refuses to start, isn't that a huge red flag?..Same way some men comfortably marry a woman who is just there to slay, bathe and wait for him on the bed..Only for them to realize how messed up they are when bills start coming in...

You saw the fire and comfortably allowed it to burn you...it is your cross you must carry it.

You cannot change him, he is who he is..People don't change...They only Improve to be better of or succumb to worst.

Marriage nowadays If he wins Bread, the lady must win akara(beans cake)..

If she wins Bread, the man must win Akara to strike a balance.

You have two options live with your cross, or stop pampering him.. if you do the first you are safe..

If you do the later, you are not .. The home will burn..It is like starving a slay wife of funds she feels entitled to..She will change the room temperature..

You, are already securing planB of dumping him, It will shock to know he will survive better sef..He has mastered his play games...Then you move on with single mom woes and pressure..

Your situation is terrible...You blinded yourself and walked deep deeper into the mess.

Please OP don't let this affect your mental/emotional health oo, just try to be happy. Merely thinking of this situation is making me feel somehow, I can't imagine how you feel.

God will help you sis.

It is well oo

As long as he's performing some househusband duties like laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc., there shouldn't be issues. At least this is something I've learned from "woke" women like Coco and others around here.

Please get him to do chores. The Lord is your strength.

Someone once made a post ‘asides money, what do men bring to the table?’ This same money you put aside is what many women will find exceptionally difficult to bring to the table like the OP in this case.

This is why I have always recommended that a man shares the bills on a 50-50 level with his wife no matter how much more he makes than her. Some of you men make more than your wife, you take care of all the bills and even give her something to supplement her income, you need to know that no woman will do the same for you.

You make more than them you feel the need to bring them up, they make more than you they feel the need to replace you. This woman has cheated on her husband and the reason it didn’t get physical is because the opportunity hasn’t presented itself.

To the OP, God has blessed you with the finances in your home, your husband is suddenly a burden, would your husband feel the same way about you if he made all the money? Divorce him. I hope what happened in the movie Acrimony becomes his reality. How can someone who has tried his hands on multiple businesses be termed lazy and not ambitious?

They say to women, marriage is like the flies on the kitchen window, the ones inside wants to get out, the ones outside wants to come in. Two months after divorce you will be on dating sites asking if there are no ‘real men’ looking for commitment anymore, asking why everyone you meet wants fwb or one night stand. Just divorce him, I’m sure he would have made something of his life if he stayed single.

truthsayer009:
I felt some type of chills reading your post because at first I thought It was one of those fake Nairaland stories again, but this is different and I can feel the emotion from the writeup.

First, the problem started when your hubby decided to leave 9-5 job and go into business, enterprenuership isn't for everyone and isn't suited for people who have no financial family backup. What he needs is a job, something to raise his hopes again. He needs to dust his CV, swallow his pride and start searching for Full-time jobs, not contract. What he will first discover is that most of his mates then have gone far in their career, he will have to start again from stratch.

He has to look for a job, period. He can start from low paying jobs that at least brings in something at the end of the month.

Another thing that works is challenging him with the help of his friends, speaking from a man's POV, I would feel very uncomfortable if my friends question my life or career choices and try to do someting about it.

Some simple questions that he can be asked
- What type of job was he doing before? -- He can go back there.
- Does he love writing? - Then he can go into professional writing, on Upwork, Freelancer etc
- Does he love computers or shining gadgets? -- Then he can into tech, designing or programming.
- Does he love talking to people? -- Then he can go into Customer Support or Technical Customer Support etc

Thank you.

Honestly, I've given up. I think I created this topic as a means to vent.

I try to maintain a positive outlook through prayer and work out.

It gets overwhelming sometimes, like today.

I'm grateful for all the advise I got and the listening ear.

Kobojunkie, you're right. Maybe somewhere within me, I'm a control freak. I didn't think of myself as one. I just found myself having to be responsible for myself and loved ones at a very young age. I guess it turned me to a burden bearer.

jagorinho:

Actually you are correct, someone with his attitude can only do a government job , preferably a federal work, if the wife can cough out funds to buy a slot for him, that will be cool, at least the dependency will reduce and he might get to discover his self worth at work.
When you are used to getting something on a platter, it gets very hard to work for that same thing, the wife has really tried but I know the husband case is not a lost cause, he can be redeemed.

Sorry to digress, are you insinuating govt. workers esp. Fed workers are lazy, complacent, unambitious, inconsistent

jagorinho:

Actually you are correct, someone with his attitude can only do a government job , preferably a federal work, if the wife can cough out funds to buy a slot for him, that will be cool, at least the dependency will reduce and he might get to discover his self worth at work.
When you are used to getting something on a platter, it gets very hard to work for that same thing, the wife has really tried but I know the husband case is not a lost cause, he can be redeemed.

Sorry to digress, are you insinuating govt. workers esp. Fed workers are lazy, complacent, unambitious, inconsistent

NoToPile:
Please OP don't let this affect your mental/emotional health oo, just try to be happy. Merely thinking of this situation is making me feel somehow, I can't imagine how you feel.

God will help you sis.

It is well oo

Thank you very much. I can't afford to let my health suffer. I have two amazing kids.

Amen and thank you.

RichGal:
Thank you.
Honestly, I've given up. I think I created this topic as a means to vent. I try to maintain a positive outlook through prayer and work out.
It gets overwhelming sometimes, like today.
I'm grateful for all the advise I got and the listening ear.

Kobojunkie, you're right. Maybe somewhere within me, I'm a control freak. I didn't think of myself as one. I just found myself having to be responsible for myself and loved ones at a very young age. I guess it turned me to a burden bearer.

I didn't say you are a controlfreak, I instead used the word control to highlight facts which you yourself explained of how you have tried to direct your husband, as a way of fixing him, without success.

About your marriage, as I continue to point out here, the issue I note is with that you don't seem to realize the kind of union you have and maybe that I where part of your frustration stems from. From what you have told us so far, your husband has been sitting as a househusband(male housewife) for many years now, yet you somehow continue to pretend he is more than that in your union. I just hope he also does chores around the home and takes care of the kids to ease your burden at least.

The fact is, you have a househusband and on top of that you are busy playing mother to him,this as you continue to prop him up as head over you. You need to give all the unnecessary work up and rest abeg. Since you are already in it, let him continue as househusband but with understanding that he cannot also be head and he has to contribute to the upkeep of what of his own family by sharing the chores and taking care of the kids.

For this, again I recommend you get a professional marriage counselor involved to help you both renegotiate your marriage agreement. In marriage, the agreement made between a husband and wife is never set in stone. As situations change, so also should the details of the agreement so that both parties can stay effective and in sync.

Then to make sure you resolve the issues that got you serving your husband in the way you have so far, I continue to recommend mental health counseling. These things don't just go away on their own. They can go dormant for a period but always come back in the same way or different form, until they are properly resolved.

Eazzzy1, I understand that you do not have all the facts which is why you hold this opinion. Or, maybe if you did, you'd still find a way to excuse him. Whichever the case may be, it is your opinion and you're entitled to it.

My husband cannot be as selfless as I am. Listen, doing all I do for my family has nothing to do with the fact that I am financially liberated. A giver doesn't give cos he has enough to give, he gives because he has a giving heart.

I am a selfless person. I put the needs of my loved ones before mine.

Did you know that I had to ask my husband why he never got me any gift or gave me even 2 percent of any money he earned whenever he did? I told him, that if he blessed me his wife with a percentage of his earnings, I would only sow that money as a seed to God and not even spend it on myself.

The first contract he got after he quit his job, he sent money to his parents and family. When rent was due and I asked him, he told me he had needs to sort out and I asked him if I and his son weren't part of his needs.

The issue here is, he doesn't understand that I and his children are his responsibility.

The only thing I've taken from your post is the reminder that God has blessed me enough to be in a position to cater to my family.

And you're wrong, I am a very attractive woman who look nothing like a married lady with two kids and I have had countless men hit on me but I don't give a thought to it. Because I try not to do things that'd cause me deep regrets.

That moment of weakness happened cos deep within me, I knew it wasn't gonna be physical and I needed an escape from the emotional strain I was going through.

In all of these, if leaving him will make him man up for himself, I welcome it cos I really need him to experience his full potential FOR HIMSELF.

If things turn around for him today BECAUSE HE ACTUALLY DECIDES TO DO BETTER, I would not stop contributing or helping out. I'd be ecstatic cos he is doing well FOR HIMSELF.

Wheeeeew,, that was a lot...

Acidosis:
As long as he's performing some househusband duties like laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc., there shouldn't be issues. At least this is something I've learned from "woke" women like Coco and others around here.

Please get him to do chores. The Lord is your strength.

Hahaha bro, let's not bring this issue up now

We all know that's not how things work in real life (offline).

RichGal, you are right. I don’t have all the facts neither do I know you or your husband. It just happens to be a frequent occurrence that when a woman is in a position of being the one to sacrifice for the family, it becomes an issue.

What would change in your responsibilities if you leave him? You are most likely going to continue paying the rent and fending for your children right? Meaning your issues are centred majorly about not wanting to fend for your husband.

My saying the opportunity never presented itself for you to be physical has nothing to do with your appearance or looks or the men hitting on you. If the right man hits on you and the opportunity to do it without been caught appears, you would. Besides just because it wasn’t physical doesn’t mean the deed hasn’t been done.

It’s when you get a divorce that you will begin to notice the things he does right that you do not see now because you resent him for being dependent. My initial post wasn’t to attack you but to advise men to learn wisdom from women on how to behave in relationships. We see men choosing their wives over their mums, when the chips are down these wives do not reciprocate this energy.

There’s no coming back from what you did with Mr Reddit man, your husband may be aware but unable to leave because you feed him, plus the resentment you have for him will show in the way you treat and talk to him. It’s when he gets up you will see the true colour of things. My advice to you is to take a walk now.