₦airaland Forum

Hollybratt:
At the age of 20s, tell me what else does she want to grow, horn?

LadyD22:
I do agree that people should have companions but you don't need to chain someone for it that's what I'm saying , feeling free to be together for as long or as short as you wish with whoever pleases you , companions can come in different forms , friends , children , colleagues , partners or even a pet

I would never want to spend the rest of life completely alone but I want to free and flexible enough to know that I am with a person or I am at a place because I chose to be , which is not always the case with marriage , it's like once you're in it's even harder to come out

I do not disregard that religion believes in marriage because of companionship but the marriages I have seen or read about or watched in movies does not necessarily depict companionship , it looks more like an exchange of power even in it's most romantic stages , an exchange of power is the nicest way to put it for now , if we are keeping each other company then we should maintain our identities and our individual rights and continue to be ourselves but that isn't always the case ,

it's usually a friendly colonization of one person ( mostly wives ) by another person ( mostly husbands) , if you understand what colonization means try and put marriage into that setting , then you'll see where I am coming from

Prettygirl200:
Well if u feel marriage is not for u, or u don't want to get married it's up to you. U shouldn't condemn it bc u don't like the idea of marriage. I love companionship even as a very young girl so for sure I will get married and have my babies ( even though am scared of childbirth) Not being a baby mama to anyone or out of wedlock.

LadyD22:
I am not condemning it
I'm just saying it is an option and that it isn't a big deal and I'm also expressing my opinions of who I think benefits more from marriage
I a[b]m not against it in anyway , but ppl have made it look it's an abomination to be unmarried [/b], like the way they always shame older men or women who aren't married
I am saying my mind and putting it up there for people like me and people who don't know that it is really an option and they can decide to choose or not choose to get married

AdeniyiA:
Yeah I got the civilization stuff, like lifestyle imposition?

The problem with many marriages nowadays is the preponderance of 'kids' going into marriage with no single idea of what it entails - each party's responsibilities, the dos and donts. I raise this issue sometimes ago in a group chat and I asked this question...

Why can't there be school for marriage/marital affairs in the world sef?

Where certificates would be issued, so that after learning about marriage and your responsibilities in it and you divorce, you'd be able to know if you had failed to put your certificate into use. This phenomenon of break up where each party claims to be right is quite unbecoming. Because I see lots of kids going into marriage with no single experience on how to sustain or maintain it. Why do we spend years learning about animals , crops and other living things but not marriage which is also a lifetime commitment.

Recently I have just been thinking about this. I just think a society that does not want divorce or the children to be raised by single parent should request for Marital Education certificate before couple are legally binded. The church is overstretched already... #justthinkingoutloud

Prettygirl200:
Yeah I understand u, But u being a woman, don't u think it might affect u later in the future

LadyD22:
You just asked me not to condemn your choice but you didn't see anything wrong in asking me this ?
Affect me in what sense ?

Prettygirl200:
Am just asking though!!! But if u have made up your mind, it's cool it's your life. As for me am doing otherwise, I love companionship!!!

LadyD22:
Right from when I was still an early teenager , I hardly pictured myself as anyone's spouse but I knew I wanted to be a mom someday .
But I never spoke openly about my little fantasy of being just me and not being anyone's spouse or property
When anyone asked I'd tell them I just want to settle down after 25 then I changed it to 30 , I see the shock in their faces , then some of them start preaching the gospel or asking how I want my parents to feel
So I hid it again telling people what they want to hear " yes I want to get married when I find the RIGHT person " and I used this lie until I met someone like me , who confidently owned up to it and whilst people may not understand her , I know I did

Whilst I love the idea of romance , dating and lovemaking , I've come to understand that there's nothing appealing about marriage except the thought of a spontaneous wedding and expensive white gowns

it's like a transfer of ownership from your parents to a husband who will pay you to give up your rights to yourself and all that you are

When I'm talking to my friend and she's like , my husband doesn't like me wearing this and he doesn't like me doing that , it drives me crazy to think that could be me one day , if I give in

You'll nurse children , you can't even choose how many you want , you can't name the child , you give up your last name and become Mrs Smith , mama junior , iyawo Smith
That's how I realized I don't even know know my lecturers name we know her only as her husband's name ,i don't want that , I don't like it

People argue that marriage guarantees security , what happens when I am already secure ?
They said it guarantees that the person will be with you forever and never leave , yet most men responsible or irresponsible all have women other than their wives , argue from now till tomorrow
Why would I be happy that the only reason a person can't leave me is because of the LAW
everyone should have the right to leave if they choose to , I think this is the best way to feel secure when you understand that they're here because they want to be

When the idea first came to me I thought of it as revenge to my mother but after lingering over the subject for years I realized it was a desire, not just a revenge tactic

Whilst the debates of whether or not it is possible for a husband to rape his wife is ongoing , and many more relationship advisors are crawling with do's and donts of potential wife material , love spells and kayanmata to help attract and keep a man ,
I realized a woman like me prefers to have adventures , travel , work , I don't want to stop meeting new people and learning new things , the older I get the more I accept this side of me that will soon become the prayer point of all my friends and family

All the couple's that I've seen closeup have made marriage look like an endurance game , some turn bloody others just worsen your mental health ,
The threats of keep yourself well , talk nicely , smell nicely , learn how to cook and clean otherwise you might not FIND a husband to marry , makes me cringe , these are just basic life skills why should it revolve around anyone other than me , that just makes me not want to do it anymore
Some men are even coming up with tests on choosing their "CHOSEN ONE" after hoeing around and showing their manhood to the entire clan of women in their community
Noone has given one good reason to ever get married and I doubt there even is

Is marriage really a compulsory thing for everyone?
Why do people make it look like it is a crime to not get married at all ?
who do you think benefits more from marriage and why?
Some even believe it's a punishment to not be married when you're above the age

Rickmann:
Marriage for me is overrated and seriously even as a guy, it scares me.. Asides the companionship, what else?

Eaziimoney:
Nice one
Do what makes you happy
Don't let anyone confuse you

AdeniyiA:
You see my sister, let no one forces you to do what does not come from your mind. In the end you'd discover you're OYO.
Having said that, the main purpose that God instituted marriage is for COMPANIONSHIP, others are secondary, but He never forces anyone to do anything. Loneliness is not a good thing. Marriage comes with its challenges as other good things, but let the choice to remain single comes from your inner being for reasons best known to you BUT never to avoid challenges.

Now let's look at the importance of having a companion and companionship...

What is companionship?

Companionship is the good feeling that comes from being with someone else. companionship indulges you a sense of closeness by being with another person - may it be your relative or a caregiver who devotes his or her time in looking after your welfare. A feeling of fellowship or togetherness is what encompasses companionship — it's one of the reasons older people seek the accompaniment of a fellow human being. The need for companionship is very human, very normal, and very necessary. It gives us emotional balance and lets us enjoy life.

What does it mean to be a companion?

A companion is one who serves as a friend or as a partner in your daily life. To be a companion is to regard another person’s well-being with the same importance as your own. To be a companion is to find delight in joining a fellow human being in fulfilling his tasks. To be a companion is to ensure that your patient’s needs are met on a daily basis and that he or she finds refuge in your comfort. To be a companion is to know that keeping company comes with respecting individual preferences. Lastly, to be a companion is to enjoy the reward of life together.

Why is companionship important?

Companionship is essential in establishing a sense of belonging. Without it, people tend to become lonely and even depressed, which is why our society needs to make more of an effort to meet the companionship needs of the elderly.

Companionship is a symbiotic relationship that enables the elderly (both of you at old age) to thrive together, the children would have gone their separate ways . Having friends and companions enables a person to openly deal and talk about challenges, express grief and happiness, and to find resources to solve problems.

LadyD22:
Actually I can show you a letter from a suffragette wife back in 1918 that totally supports my opinion , I don't think that's modern feminism it is currently displayed in museums , are you also aware that men can also choose to not get married and it's not just about gender but a personal choice ?
It's because of regrets like this that people end up having children even when they don't want them simply because they are afraid of having any regrets , the biggest regret is not being able to fully commit to that responsibility because you were simply influenced by fear of regrets
This is not about the right or wrong man , it's just me , it's my fantasy

GreatAchiever1:
Sure getting married or not is a personal choice, but I've heard stories of people not getting married for reasons best known to them, and then later in life regretted it.
Like I said, just do you if it's really what you want, cause I really do not know you but just pray you don't regret it.

And for the letter you just mentioned, I googled it, she did not say you should not marry at all o, she just said what they should avoid if they want to get married.

Hayee:
you see that loneliness ehn na wetin some people want

I know three women 50, 60 something and 73 that are not married with no children
One man in his late fifties no wife or children

They are all NIGERIANS ooo
Two are living in my street sef

People just fail to understand that some people love just solitude, after coming from work just make and eat your dinner, maybe have a sip of red wine or juice, brush your teeth and bath then go and sleep

JOACHINpedro:
I just had this discussion with a fellow Corper few hrs ago. It's glaring that in some years later, marriage will be a thing of the past.
It will be called Contract Gender Union that would definitely have expiring date.

LadyD22:
You seem to have read the wrong one because she said it twice No.1 and No.8
I hope I don't regret it but I'd rather take a chance than wonder what if and this seems to be where my spirit is dragging me to , let me not marry an innocent man and then hate him or deliberately hurt him , because noone would hear that I didn't wish to marry , they'll simply call me " a bad wife" and they'll blame me

I don't know how to hide my true feelings and I like and hate myself for that because sometimes it sounds like I'm trying to be arrogant when I'm just saying how I feel , someone like me can't even plot anything, because I will tell you what I'm planning before i do it ,and leave it up to you to decide if you want to take me serious, or take it as a joke, but I will tell you for sure

Has anyone ever asked what if you regret getting married ? No
But does that mean that people don't have regretscin marriage? No
Are there people who stayed married and still regretted? Yes
If noone had any regrets in marriage then there would be no divorce , since the beginning everyone keeps talking about regrets , these are just guesses , noone has given any convincing fact
I hope people can understand that there are advantages and disadvantages to everything , there's no one sure way , if there was , everyone would be happy , but as individuals ,we are all faced with multiple choices to make , cut your coat according to your size , just coz your friends look happy doing something or regret doing something does not mean you'll have the same experience
I hope we learn this , and stop doing things just coz we're told to, but doing things because we want to , I think that's the only solution to having no regret

Hayee:
you see that loneliness ehn na wetin some people want

I know three women 50, 60 something and 73 that are not married with no children
One man in his late fifties no wife or children

They are all NIGERIANS ooo
Two are living in my street sef

People just fail to understand that some people love just solitude, after coming from work just make and eat your dinner, maybe have a sip of red wine or juice, brush your teeth and bath then go and sleep

AdeniyiA:
How long will they or can sustain such solitary lifestyle, how will they deal with d boredom that comes with it in the long run... I have an old grandma at home in the village, she was always looking forward to our arrival during the yuletide season. She's always happy that she wouldn't know when she'd forget to walk without her walking stick throughout our stay... And when we're back to our various homes, soon she'd begin to walk with d aid of the walking stick... It's a form of torment living a lonely life, it kills

GreatAchiever1:
So from your first paragraph, I take it that you're trying to say that even if you were to be in a happy marriage, it won't be happy for you, and you could end up ruining such a happy marriage... then the problem is you.
Just go and work on yourself, married or not, and if you still think you don't deserve/want to be in a happy marriage, well it's better if you just stay single than to ruin such thing and cause pain for someone.

I don't think I've heard someone regret getting married, it's usually the choice of partner but then again nobody forced them.

And for the letter, it is what I saw, and then there is 2, 3 and 6. It's an advice like it's written there and not a reason for someone to use as a claim to decide not to get married.

LadyD22:
Right from when I was still an early teenager , I hardly pictured myself as anyone's spouse but I knew I wanted to be a mom someday .
But I never spoke openly about my little fantasy of being just me and not being anyone's spouse or property
When anyone asked I'd tell them I just want to settle down after 25 then I changed it to 30 , I see the shock in their faces , then some of them start preaching the gospel or asking how I want my parents to feel
So I hid it again telling people what they want to hear " yes I want to get married when I find the RIGHT person " and I used this lie until I met someone like me , who confidently owned up to it and whilst people may not understand her , I know I did

Whilst I love the idea of romance , dating and lovemaking , I've come to understand that there's nothing appealing about marriage except the thought of a spontaneous wedding and expensive white gowns

it's like a transfer of ownership from your parents to a husband who will pay you to give up your rights to yourself and all that you are

When I'm talking to my friend and she's like , my husband doesn't like me wearing this and he doesn't like me doing that , it drives me crazy to think that could be me one day , if I give in

You'll nurse children , you can't even choose how many you want , you can't name the child , you give up your last name and become Mrs Smith , mama junior , iyawo Smith
That's how I realized I don't even know know my lecturers name we know her only as her husband's name ,i don't want that , I don't like it

People argue that marriage guarantees security , what happens when I am already secure ?
They said it guarantees that the person will be with you forever and never leave , yet most men responsible or irresponsible all have women other than their wives , argue from now till tomorrow
Why would I be happy that the only reason a person can't leave me is because of the LAW
everyone should have the right to leave if they choose to , I think this is the best way to feel secure when you understand that they're here because they want to be

When the idea first came to me I thought of it as revenge to my mother but after lingering over the subject for years I realized it was a desire, not just a revenge tactic

Whilst the debates of whether or not it is possible for a husband to rape his wife is ongoing , and many more relationship advisors are crawling with do's and donts of potential wife material , love spells and kayanmata to help attract and keep a man ,
I realized a woman like me prefers to have adventures , travel , work , I don't want to stop meeting new people and learning new things , the older I get the more I accept this side of me that will soon become the prayer point of all my friends and family

All the couple's that I've seen closeup have made marriage look like an endurance game , some turn bloody others just worsen your mental health ,
The threats of keep yourself well , talk nicely , smell nicely , learn how to cook and clean otherwise you might not FIND a husband to marry , makes me cringe , these are just basic life skills why should it revolve around anyone other than me , that just makes me not want to do it anymore
Some men are even coming up with tests on choosing their "CHOSEN ONE" after hoeing around and showing their manhood to the entire clan of women in their community
Noone has given one good reason to ever get married and I doubt there even is

Is marriage really a compulsory thing for everyone?
Why do people make it look like it is a crime to not get married at all ?
who do you think benefits more from marriage and why?
Some even believe it's a punishment to not be married when you're above the age

LadyD22:
Right from when I was still an early teenager , I hardly pictured myself as anyone's spouse but I knew I wanted to be a mom someday .
But I never spoke openly about my little fantasy of being just me and not being anyone's spouse or property
When anyone asked I'd tell them I just want to settle down after 25 then I changed it to 30 , I see the shock in their faces , then some of them start preaching the gospel or asking how I want my parents to feel
So I hid it again telling people what they want to hear " yes I want to get married when I find the RIGHT person " and I used this lie until I met someone like me , who confidently owned up to it and whilst people may not understand her , I know I did

Whilst I love the idea of romance , dating and lovemaking , I've come to understand that there's nothing appealing about marriage except the thought of a spontaneous wedding and expensive white gowns

it's like a transfer of ownership from your parents to a husband who will pay you to give up your rights to yourself and all that you are

When I'm talking to my friend and she's like , my husband doesn't like me wearing this and he doesn't like me doing that , it drives me crazy to think that could be me one day , if I give in

You'll nurse children , you can't even choose how many you want , you can't name the child , you give up your last name and become Mrs Smith , mama junior , iyawo Smith
That's how I realized I don't even know know my lecturers name we know her only as her husband's name ,i don't want that , I don't like it

People argue that marriage guarantees security , what happens when I am already secure ?
They said it guarantees that the person will be with you forever and never leave , yet most men responsible or irresponsible all have women other than their wives , argue from now till tomorrow
Why would I be happy that the only reason a person can't leave me is because of the LAW
everyone should have the right to leave if they choose to , I think this is the best way to feel secure when you understand that they're here because they want to be

When the idea first came to me I thought of it as revenge to my mother but after lingering over the subject for years I realized it was a desire, not just a revenge tactic

Whilst the debates of whether or not it is possible for a husband to rape his wife is ongoing , and many more relationship advisors are crawling with do's and donts of potential wife material , love spells and kayanmata to help attract and keep a man ,
I realized a woman like me prefers to have adventures , travel , work , I don't want to stop meeting new people and learning new things , the older I get the more I accept this side of me that will soon become the prayer point of all my friends and family

All the couple's that I've seen closeup have made marriage look like an endurance game , some turn bloody others just worsen your mental health ,
The threats of keep yourself well , talk nicely , smell nicely , learn how to cook and clean otherwise you might not FIND a husband to marry , makes me cringe , these are just basic life skills why should it revolve around anyone other than me , that just makes me not want to do it anymore
Some men are even coming up with tests on choosing their "CHOSEN ONE" after hoeing around and showing their manhood to the entire clan of women in their community
Noone has given one good reason to ever get married and I doubt there even is

Is marriage really a compulsory thing for everyone?
Why do people make it look like it is a crime to not get married at all ?
who do you think benefits more from marriage and why?
Some even believe it's a punishment to not be married when you're above the age

CuteEmma:
Please let’s not deceive ourselves. This same woke generation who keep telling themselves to do whatever makes themselves happy happen to be the most depressed set of individuals, always saying that adulthood (making decisions and living with its consequences) is hard... You can’t live with the consequences of the decisions you make, yet you say those same decisions make you happy and at the end they’re the best at going the suicidal way.

There’s this popular saying that “You can fool everyone but yourself”, but most people don’t know the other part that “... if you try to fool yourself, then you’re a fool in the true sense”.
Meaning you can’t succeed in fooling yourself, but only in making yourself believe that you can m, which is the fool in the true sense.

Back to the topic, not everyone needs the marriage thing. But you can’t just decide that it’s who you’re meant to be and block that part of yourself. As you grow older you learn new things and you might just want it. So don’t make yourself feel bad by not wanting marriage and also, don’t shut the door too.

Tl;dr:
1. Stop forming woke thinking that you’ve figured out everything in life.
2. Be open minded.

LadyD22:
Are you married?

chatinent:
Relax, when you grow up, you'll understand better.