₦airaland Forum

Blessedmercy8:
What's the deceit there?

Ok, agreed the man didn't tell her but did she at anytime ask the man if he had a child somewhere and the man denied it? No! So no case here.

Shes just wants to have her cake and eat it. Shes not willing to sacrifice or support her spouse. The man is also having a hard time and needs her support but no, she's only concerned about herself alone. she's just being self-centered.

There's nothing like deceit. She should learn to ask questions in her dealings with people next time. I guess she got carried away by what she was enjoying then and never bothered to do the needful.

You dont think like a woman...

Aunty, why you get sense?

I mean your comments made my day

@Op I have been following this thread with keen interest. For those that cares to know, caring for children and young adults with Special needs is what I have be doing for almost two decades now, I am willing to help provided her husband and the child's mother are willing to take up the responsibility, the impression I am having here is both the father and the mother are most likely abandon the child Incase they are able to get a boarding facility for her. I am base in Lagos, I can help get a place here in Lagos at a reasonable amount but both the father and the mother must show genuine commitment in taking up the child's welfare. I can assess the child FOC and make recommendations but her rehabilitation comes with a price and both of them must be involved, otherwise count me out.Taking care of a child with special needs is a bit expensive, Govt. facility is overstretched already, we hardly get sponsors these days. Both of them (directly involved) must come together before I can asaist, Op deserves to enjoy her marriage. Feel free to contact me, you might be lucky to get my contact on my profile. I work with one of the foremost local NGO in Nigeria, Lagos precisely. Shalom!

backnbeta:
While we are not absolving the man of any blame, you and I know that a man can't easily take care of a special child! In most cases, the mother becomes the caregiver unless there's a home willing to accept the child. Now she feels burdened by her own child but she dumps the child on another woman! Yes, she needs to live her life too, but she should equally be concerned about the well-being of the innocent child.

As a mother, she should put her child in the best place available and affordable...not using her as a pawn to get back at an irresponsible man! Even if the man has not been responsible for her upkeep - she owes that child the duty of care! She can go to court, child welfare centers etc to ensure that the man plays his part! But believe me, she's in the best position to decide on the best caregiver or home for that child! A motherless child is a lot more vulnerable than a fatherless child; that is why we have motherless babies homes and orphanages and not fatherless babies homes! The mother is a natural caregiver!!

I understand your point and I see a lot of sense in it.


I feel the mother must have tried reaching out to the father in the past unsuccessfully and when the man got married, she decided it was enough and went to return the child to the rightful owner.

H0711:
I got married two months ago. I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her.

The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition.

I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation.

my advice for you is to stay with your marriage no matter how stressed is once your husband is not beat you. Because there is no marriage without some mistake if he doesn't do that he will do something that can even worse than that

Leave that man for manipulating you.

emynike2001:
As in seriously nozino become a capital nuisance on this thread

Your tears are delicious.

I am a special need facilitator and I know How difficult this must be for u ,especially in ur condition and taking care of a who is not neurotypical ,I will suggest u get a maid to care for her specifically,and make a routine list,when to eat ,change diaper and sleep
Secondly a carpenter can construct a lock chair where she sits nd cnt get out easily,nd more.please try ,its not the childs fault but u can do it if u want.

Ulunne777:
She must have thought the man was busy enjoying.

This issue reminds me of when we studied aboith Euthanasia(mercy killing)

More like " i can't be here suffering while you're there enjoying with your new wife".
If the op's husband was still single, that woman will still be taking care of her child. The marriage na im scatter everything

JONNYSPUTE:
..,.. Lol. What if after given birth she finds out that her own child has the same issue? Wetin she go do?

Maybe drop her child with the husband and jepa her own

She owes no one any explanation why she can't take care of that child. Why didn't the mother of the Child take care of her? The husband is a very wicked man and all those who liked your useless, foolish and wicked post, just as you are also not an exception.

How will you feel if someone does this to your daughter, Sister, Aunt or family member?

H0711:
I got married two months ago. I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her.

The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition.

I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation.

Take the child to Healing Streams live Healing with Pastor Chris. God can restore your family and healed that child. You can stream it through YouTube from 3pm today. God bless you.

frozen70:
I understand what you are going through as a woman but taking such decisions is not the best for you at the moment

The child mother has tried and probably the man left the upkeep for her and married you, so since she lost the marriage, she has to return the child to disabilitize your marriage

Divorce is not even the best option

The best option is to take the child to a welfare center where the have the services the child needs or better still get an in-house Nanny to look after the child while he provides for the child care and pay the Nanny for her services

With the above, the child is not your business any more, nor your responsibilities and you still stay happily in your home

Worst case, he can take the child to his parents and they all will sort it out there in there family house

If you divorce him another woman will come in and oversea the suggestions I made mentioned above

Then you will be a single mum to be and you can still rock your life though

Let me tell you the truth, that woman will never enjoy the sanity of her life if that Child continues to stay with her. Whether a nanny is provided to give support or not.
This is insane.

The best thing to do is for the husband to take the Child away from their home. Even if the Child had no physical disability, it would still be very insensitive and disrespectful for the man to bring this Child under the same roof, a Child he told the wife nothing about.

wired4comfort:
More like " i can't be here suffering while you're there enjoying with your new wife".
If the op's husband was still single, that woman will still be taking care of her child. The marriage na im scatter everything

Lol.


Her child? Their child please.

And you can’t blame the woman.

ogascomax:
Take the child to Healing Streams live Healing with Pastor Chris. God can restore your family and healed that child. You can stream it through YouTube from 3pm today. God bless you.

She can’t take her. Can you please help her and take her ?

blissfulheart:
I am a special need facilitator and I know How difficult this must be for u ,especially in ur condition and taking care of a who is not neurotypical ,I will suggest u get a maid to care for her specifically,and make a routine list,when to eat ,change diaper and sleep
Secondly a carpenter can construct a lock chair where she sits nd cnt get out easily,nd more.please try ,its not the childs fault but u can do it if u want.

His salary is only 15k and his side hustle is not going well so he can't afford all that much. Yes I know it is not her fault it's her parents fault , they should get together and take care of her because nobody will take care of her better than her own mother.

ogascomax:
Take the child to Healing Streams live Healing with Pastor Chris. God can restore your family and healed that child. You can stream it through YouTube from 3pm today. God bless you.

Ok thanks I will tell him to take her there if he can

Nozino:
Dear OP,

I have to commend your decision to not only leave an arrangement you didn’t sign up for, but for sharing it with us on the internet. Good or bad, we’ve all learnt something today.

I honestly do not believe in divorce except in very rare cases one of which is domestic violence and the other Adultery.

I read your post with a very open mind and I was shocked, then completely disgusted by some of the repulsive things people had to say. On the other hand, I wasn’t surprised 95% of the people saying this nonsense were/are men. I had to call them out , albeit in a very rude manner. I’m not sorry and I’d most likely continue to call them out in this manner.

I like the fact that you write well so I’m going to assume you’re educated. You think and act very smart. You even took time to research her condition instead of labeling her a witch like most Nigerians would have done. I also can’t imagine how strong you are, emotionally and physically, to be this far gone and still take care of this child while fighting your own internal battles. I’m sure it wasn’t easy , but you did and still doing it.

I personally would not advice you to divorce your husband. But there’s nothing wrong with taking a break and going back to your parents for as long as he takes to fix his mess. This isn’t your mess. Do not be part of any clean up process. I would also not allow this special needs child live with me even if there’s a live in maid. This is because this child needs round the hour care and no maid can’t provide that. Both your husband and his family would expect you to take the remaining slack.

If the maids leaves and you have to get another one, guess who becomes the child’s interim carer? Not the father. You! It will be back to square one. And this will continue for years. Society and your husband’s family will expect you to treat her like your child, take her out, go places with her etc without considering how difficult and how much of an inconvenience a special needs person is. Especially when you don’t have the financial backing.

My solution is very simple. Let her go live with her mother. If this doesn’t work, if the mother doesn’t accept this arrangement, don’t blame her. You have first hand experience caring for her so you know it’s not easy . Besides, she did it for 7years without help so she’s tried.

Alternatively, the child’s grandparents should take her in. If this doesn’t work. Please walk away.

Sending you best wishes.
Nozino.

h0711

pedrilo:
Leave that man for manipulating you.

Thank you

H0711:
I got married two months ago. I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her.

The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition.

I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation.

Don't mind those negative folks on this forum asking you to live your beautiful home just because of minor family issues, many of them are scums, BBNaija lovers, singles, they never know what family is more about ' although your story and your pain cannot be overlook nevertheless I plead on behalf of your husband and your unborn child, please give him some time to figure things out.. Never be in haste because quiting your matrimonial home is not the best solution for this kind of situation, rather consult for more family counseling and assistance 'it just a matter of time you are going to be alright

See my dear we are currently under serious arsh economy no single mum out there find life easy now a days, I'm telling you all this from a reliable sources


Shalom!

advanceDNA:
What is this one saying??

She is telling you to face the irresponsible father that abandoned the child and also deceived the wife. Make I draw and paint her comment for you to understand?

If you're rightly wedded (bride price paid),pls I beg you do not abandon that marriage.remember God can't give us cross we can't carry.that your husband child is your point of contact for the one you are expecting.get a nanny to care for her under your supervision and see how rewarding it will get when the time comes.God grace upon you.

H0711:
I got married two months ago. I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her.

The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition.

I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation.

My dear sis, that's not enough reason you should leave, find solace in the right treatment your husband is giving you.
What am I trying to say, you don't know why God put you in that position to help the poor child, you may be securing your generation from similar ailment.
Please stay and give the little girls life a meaning and you will not miss your blessing.

NofiuFade:
Don't mind those negative folks on this forum asking you to live your beautiful home just because of minor family issues, many of them are scums, BBNaija lovers, singles, they never know what family is more about ' although your story and your pain cannot be overlook nevertheless I plead on behalf of your husband and your unborn child, please give him some times to figure things out.. Never be in haste because quiting your matrimonial home is not the best solution for this kind of situation, rather consult for more family counseling and assistance 'it just a matter of time you are going to be alright

See my dear we are currently under serious arsh economy no single mum out there find life easy now a days, I'm telling you all this from a reliable sources


Shalom!

None asked her to divorce, Op should leave the house to prevent health issues like HBP due to stress. The husband should sort the issues out. I know you haven't seen a child with cerebral palsy, it is energy consuming.

NofiuFade:
Don't mind those negative folks on this forum asking you to live your beautiful home just because of minor family issues, many of them are scums, BBNaija lovers, singles, they never know what family is more about ' although your story and your pain cannot be overlook nevertheless I plead on behalf of your husband and your unborn child, please give him some times to figure things out.. Never be in haste because quiting your matrimonial home is not the best solution for this kind of situation, rather consult for more family counseling and assistance 'it just a matter of time you are going to be alright

See my dear we are currently under serious arsh economy no single mum out there find life easy now a days, I'm telling you all this from a reliable sources


Shalom!

If I were your blood sister would you advise me the same or you are just saying that because you are not in my shoes? Well it is too late now because my elder brother said i will stay wity him until I go back to the village on the 4th. I will listen to him because he is my blood he doesn't want me to stay and suffer in an unhappy place carrying a burden which I didn't agreed for.

All these people saying you should take care of the child, hmmn! Ok! Remember you are heavy already, take the child back to her mother because if anything happens to the child, the mother would say that you killed the child. Take her back to her mother. This is wickedness sha

Mina79:
My dear sis, that's not enough reason you should leave, find solace in the right treatment your husband is giving you.
What am I trying to say, you don't know why God put you in that position to help the poor child, you may be securing your generation from similar ailment.
Please stay and give the little girls life a meaning and you will not miss your blessing.

Please dear if you care enough come and take care of her so you can also secure your generation from similar aliment. It is not just my generations that need to be secure because it can happen to anyone

Blessedmercy8:
This is what happens when you put the cart before the horse. When you ought to do your findings about who you're getting married to, you were busy consumating sex, getting yourself pregnant and rushing into marriage without proper background checks. Now you want to opt out just like that.

you think marriage is child's play? Or something you can just throw in the trash when the odds are against you? Think again cos this right here is the real marriage. So you have to accept and deal with it.

Oh... You want the man but you don't want his child?
What if it was you who gave birth to the child? Forget about how the mother is not willing to take her therefore you can't keep her excuse you're giving. The father didn't marry her but you. Maybe if he did, she won't abandon the child, so you who won the man should accept his totality.

Do you know what the one you're carrying will turn out to be?

Majority of you marry these days for the benefits. If nothing is in it for you, then you leave. You can't sacrifice and if they ask you now, you'll say you love the man. Mtcheeeeeewwwww..

The evil the man did, you gave a blind eye to it just to Condemn the woman right?

Even if you have worked with the FBI for 1million years, there things you can never find out about some families especially if they have planned to keep away from you.

Stop blaming her, I find her with no fault.
Let her do as it pleases her

H0711:
God forbid bad things but for my own child I will never get tired of him I will love him no matter what but for someone else child in that condition I won't. The worse is he didn't tell me from the onset maybe if he had told me I would have accepted her and be prepared but I wasn't prepared and I can't do it.

if he had told you...u would have ran away....same thing u want to do now

Prettychild:
All these people saying you should take care of the child, hmmn! Ok! Remember you are heavy already, take the child back to her mother because if anything happens to the child, the mother would say that you killed the child. Take her back to her mother. This is wickedness sha

Don't mind them they are saying all that because they are not in my shoes sometime taking care of normal child is hard and what about a special child who needs you to care for her 24/7 . I think her father should be the one to take her back to her mother , they made her together and he should look for a way to take care back and start sending upkeep every month or if that can't be possible he can take her back so they should raise their child together because nobody will take care of her more than her mother.

tibatobi:
if he had told you...u would have ran away....same thing u want to do now

Of course I would have run away without looking back. If he abandoned her because of the child condition and why would I have accepted him in the first place ? He should take her back so they can raise their child together

H0711:
I am going back to the village I will find something to do and take care of myself and the child

I really sad to cope with such...but u HV to consider ur husband if u truly love him...for d fact that he lied to u it's totally wrong...but u HV to forgive him...if ur husband is well to do it shouldn't be a problem...there's must be a way to sort it out with dirvocing him...my God see u through