Nozino:



So you still don’t want to adopt her? Ogbeni get out.

I pray life don't happen to you, it can be very lonely And scary. Don't take things for granted Bro, Your day can become night without any warning.

H0711:
I got married two months ago. I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her.

The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition.

I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation.

let your husband get a houselhelp for you to asisst you with the girl.The little girl deserves all the love she can get from her family.Please let her stay with you as a service to humanity.It is not her fault she was born with disability.

Blessedmercy8:


What's the deceit there?

Ok, agreed the man didn't tell her but did she at anytime ask the man if he had a child somewhere and the man denied it? No! So no case here.

Shes just wants to have her cake and eat it. Shes not willing to sacrifice or support her spouse. The man is also having a hard time and needs her support but no, she's only concerned about herself alone. she's just being self-centered.

There's nothing like deceit. She should learn to ask questions in her dealings with people next time. I guess she got carried away by what she was enjoying then and never bothered to do the needful.

You are mentally unstable.

Seek help.

GraciousVictor:
I'm in my late 40's kid

I'm working in the health sector kid and i know many hardworking women that are selfless and can manage the OP's situation effortlessly without complaining.
Should i also relay my experiences bringing in an autistic child whose parents threw him out and how my wife took him in and managed him perfectly?
like i said you're a kid whose at home because of ASUU strike.
10 years from now you'll grow up when you want to settle down.
Bye kid

Late 40s yet keep reasoning like a kid! Ikwakwakwa, I said I fit born you! While in Uni, you were in primary school...Taaaaaah


For your information, being autistic is different from cerebral palsy! Why not read about it before passing your unreasonable judgement.

Why not request for the hospital you work to take in the child? Just imagine a man supporting what a fellow rubbish man did.

This same foolish man abandoned the ex-wife cus of this child and you want this vulnerable woman to bear the brunt You are too mean.

Kobojunkie:
Return bride price? Make sure you take out child support for the child you are carrying in your womb before you return anything or at least ensure to take him to court to make sure he pays for his share of the child's care every month.

My fear is once you leave, your husband might match out to marry and impregnate another wife without again first making sure his daughter, and now the child you are pregnant for, are both not adequately provided for. If he had been paying his first wife for the upkeep of the 7-yr old up until now, I doubt he would have married you or considered impregnating you to begin with.

Women need to be wiser about these things.

Honestly for the sake of my step daughter I will not make his life hard, I rather my family return the money to him so he can use it to take care of her if he care about her . As long I am alive I will work hard to take care of my son.

H0711:
I got married two months ago. I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her.

The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition.

I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation.

Tell him to give her a supplement called Suprabrain. It will help her to regain some or most of her lost functioning. Gradually though but it's a cheaper option than the 200k school where she will just be cared for without hope of improving.

The marriage was built on deception in the first place, therefore, you are not obligated to stay.

Taking care of special needs children is a very daunting task even to their own parents.
Emotionally, physically and financially tasking. It's not for the broke and faint hearted at all.
Don't mind anyone who is trying to guilt trip you, they're not being sincere.

If you stay though and go through this with him, he'll love you more for it. But make sure he is worth it and deserves such sacrifice.

H0711:


Being a single mother is not a death sentence but the choice of staying and taking care if the child will lead me to develop high blood pressure and depression. My health is more important I want to be alive to take care of my son than dying for another person responsibility. Her mother is alive he can take her back so they can both raise her together.

If after u have left and divorced him, and God forbid,ur child turns out also to b disabled,what would you do? Think from both sides n seek God n ur pastor advice too

Kobojunkie:
Cerebral palsy is connected to sickle cell anemia?

Leave that young man to his ignorance, google is everybody's friend.

obiyor2000:
My dear once you leave another willing woman who will take good care of that child and also yours will come into your marriage. Remember you are also pregnant.

That will be great I pray he found her as soon as possible so she can start taking care of her because he need to go to work and the child can't be home alone she need to be supervised. If you know any of your sisters or someone around you who can take care of the child please let me know I will give you his contact so you can connect him to her.

H0711:
Honestly for the sake of my step daughter I will not make his life hard, I rather my family return the money to him so he can use it to take care of her if he care about her . As long I am alive I will work hard to take care of my son.

Your family returns that money and this man will turn around and marry another woman. So unless you intend to hand the money directly to maybe his previous wife under the condition that she will go take the child back, you are likely making no difference in the life of the child.

Work on your marriage first before leaving. I have experienced such a situation in pH. The lady ran away. The hubby was doing all he could for the child. Another Very beautiful lady
had sympathy for the guy, started helping, both fell in love got married few months an NGO came to their rescue and viam. Both landed in Europe. The first lady heard 2 yrs later and to with troubles and name calling.
Do not loose him.

Marriage is for better and for not so good times. Please don't leave your marriage for this reasons for it is not an excuse. You can help to care for this child with good suggestions that's why we get married to be help mate so in which way have you been a help mate to this your husband and his family. I like to my impact to be felt anywhere I settle. There will always be bad times and good times, you don't love this man so why did you marry him? You think marriage is only for good times, do you know tomorrow?!

mekzyjoe:

If after u have left and divorced him, and God forbid,ur child turns out also to b disabled,what would you do? Think from both sides n seek God n ur pastor advice too

God and a pastor? You dare place a pastor on par with God as far as counsel?

mekzyjoe:

If after u have left and divorced him, and God forbid,ur child turns out also to b disabled,what would you do? Think from both sides n seek God n ur pastor advice too

God forbid bad things I will not have any disable baby do not make me guilty because I am not her birth mother she is not my responsibility. Both of her parents are alive everyone should take care of their responsibility,. The same way I will be taking care of mine in the village

H0711:
I got married two months ago. I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her.

The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition.

I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation.

Anyone who does this can not be trusted and trust is a major ingredient in a marriage.

H0711:


Forgiving doesn't mean I should stay and take care of someone else responsibility. I have forgiven him but I am not staying. The child mother is alive he should go and ask her for forgiveness for abandoning her with a disable child then ask her to come back home so they can raise her together. Nobody else will raise her better than her own mother

ofcours...is not easy to cope with such child with ur condition...I know ur husband is feeling d heat as well...but please don't divorce ur husband instead go somewhere and rest for like two or there months

umurphy:
Work on your marriage first before leaving. I have experienced such a situation in pH. The lady ran away. The hubby was doing all he could for the child. Another Very beautiful lady
had sympathy for the guy, started helping, both fell in love got married few months an NGO came to their rescue and viam. Both landed in Europe. The first lady heard 2 yrs later and to with troubles and name calling.
Do not loose him.

So are we then to assume from this fantastical tale of yours that every couple who caters to a disabled child ends up taking to Europe to live happily ever after?

Nozino:


Lol.


Her child? Their child please.

And you can’t blame the woman.

Yeah "their child" you're right

killmods:

Now I'm wicked? Does she have to be the one to attend to the special needs child herself? They can both compromise and make provisions or seek outside help together. U telling her to run away from her union u are kind shebi? Keep exposing urself. I have nothing else to say to a woman like u.

Why should the lady be forced to compromise and save the issue? Is it her child? Let the man and the child’s mother seek for solution and leave the 7 month pregnant wife alone. I hear you people tell your fellow men to divorce a lady once she cheats and that she should not be forgiven. I don’t hear you guys say for better, for worse. Are you not running away from such union? I swear, you Nigerian men are the most selfish of all men on this planet.

Yeyeoldman:


I pray life don't happen to you, it can be very lonely And scary. Don't take things for granted Bro, Your day can become night without any warning.

There is nothing like 'life happening'. There is absolutely no one who has it easy going 100%. You're a wicked man for wanting a pregnant woman to shorten her life and that of her baby in the womb bc of an irresponsible man whose baby mama dumped a baby for an innocent pregnant woman. Go tell your sister to go take care of the physically needy child, you've been ignoring it.

Kobojunkie:
I didn't insult you. Just pointed out how nonsensical your claims were.

What explanation is needed for the obviously nonsensical? A woman said she married her husband and only recently found out, after she got pregnant by him, that he also had a handicapped child from a previous marriage that he had not made certain was adequately provided for and will now be burdened with. But you insist if she abandons the man fool she would then be having her own child out of wedlock.

Then you even roped God's name into it all as if to suggest God sanctions any of what has happened in this story or her situation.

What exactly is your problem with my post, God's General? Wedlock is marriage, according to my dictionary. If she divorces him, won't her child be born out of wedlock? I only mentioned that her child would be raised out of wedlock, not be born.

Then, a working solution to the care of the child should be found. Is it a blasphemy I said? I'm not a supporter of divorce, hence, my suggestion that a way be made.

Lastly, am I not allowed to mention God's name in public, as well as give advice?

Mr, don't try to bully me this afternoon. My post isn't nonsensical. Rather, yours is. Maybe you have difficulty in comprehending simple posts. And please, quote me no longer. Good day.

killmods:

Look at this nonentity... do u even know ur parents? Senseless goat

Cc lalasticlala Mynd44 OAM4J rule 2 at emboldened

umurphy:
Work on your marriage first before leaving. I have experienced such a situation in pH. The lady ran away. The hubby was doing all he could for the child. Another Very beautiful lady
had sympathy for the guy, started helping, both fell in love got married few months an NGO came to their rescue and viam. Both landed in Europe. The first lady heard 2 yrs later and to with troubles and name calling.
Do not loose him.

The experience is not the same as mine because the lady met the guy with his daughter in that condition so she knew about her from the beginning and have accepted to marry him and help him taking care of the child. My case is different because he didn't tell me anything about the child if he had told me i would have the choice to stay or quit and I wasn't prepared rhen boom the mother came and dropped her just like that and do you expect me to stay and carry the burden ?

H0711:


First of all our relationship was based on lies because he didn't tell me anything about her or her condition if he had told me from the onset I would have decided whether to quit or stay but he didn't tell me anything until the mother dropped her off and why would I have suffer for someone else responsibility. My only mistake was marrying him with his lies but his child in that condition is not my responsibility at all. If her mother that carried her for 9 long months cannot do it anymore me too I won't do it because I have done it for a week and I am already tired. Please if you think it is that easy if you are a woman you care enough for her come and marry him and take care of the child or if you are a man ask one of your sisters to come and replace me so she can take care of her.

I so much love this your reply..let those people condemning you come and carter for the child..some people don't reason before replying

Lovelydaisies:
1. What exactly is your problem with my post, God's General? Wedlock is marriage, according to my dictionary. If she divorces him, won't her child be born out of wedlock? I only mentioned that her child would be raised out of wedlock, not be born.

2. Then, a working solution to the care of the child should be found. Is it a blasphemy I said? I'm not a supporter of divorce, hence, my suggestion that a way be made.

3. Lastly, am I not allowed to mention God's name in public, as well as give advice?

4. Mr, don't try to bully me this afternoon. My post isn't nonsensical. Rather, yours is. Maybe you have difficulty in comprehending simple posts. And please, quote me no longer. Good day.

1. The term born-out-of-wedlock refers to those conceived outside of marriage union.

2. God never said divorce is sin so what does it matter here whether you personally support divorce or not when God whose name you brandish against her does not stand where you do?

3. Not when you are clearly attempting to use His name to propagate what is a lie.

4. I have no intentions of bullying you since I have better things to do with my energy. Simply pointing out the silly ideas you push using God's name.

teekay213:
I so much love this your reply..let those people condemning you come and carter for the child..some people don't reason before replying

Yes ooo at this moment he is alone with the child they should go and help him. actions speak louder than words.

Ulunne777:


No ,He can do it.I'm just told men can do it so let him volunteer himself or give his address for a drop off.
Igbo adage says"when you see ppl carrying a corpse,it will look like firewood to the onlookers."

My sister, the selfishness of these Nigerian men was giving me high blood pressure. I had to step back from this thread. The only reason I can deduce is that they have no idea how daunting it is to take care of a disabled child that can do nothing for herself. Even they will run away from such responsibilities after just one day, and yet they have the audacity to come against this poor woman. Biko, she should run and not even look back. Let the biological parents take care of their child. No be she kill Jesus.

H0711:
I got married two months ago. I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her.

The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition.

I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation.

+++++++++++

It is not easy... but please pray continually to the Lord God for wisdom and strength. Look to the word of God for answers, not to people.

"And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife." - 1 Corinthians 7:10-11

"Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven." - Matthew 18:21-22

"And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the Lord of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously." - Malachi 2:15-16

"What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." - Mark 10:9

EgunMogaji2:
This pregnancy could have been terminated. I’m not sure why people purposefully bring handicapped children into this already cruel world.

It depends on when they found out.. some of these hospitals are nothing to write home about.. in antenatal care they just ask Madam how are you doing? Then give them some folic acid and multivitamins.

If they found out, it might probably too late in the pregnancy to consider termination.

Ninisun:




Late 40s yet keep reasoning like a kid! Ikwakwakwa, I said I fit born you! While in Uni, you were in primary school...Taaaaaah


For your information, being autistic is different from cerebral palsy! Why not read about it before passing your unreasonable judgement.

Why not request for the hospital you work to take in the child? Just imagine a man supporting what a fellow rubbish man did.

This same foolish man abandoned the ex-wife cus of this child and you want this vulnerable woman to bear the brunt You are too mean.

okay ma'am.
check your mailbox

H0711:


Yes ooo at this moment he is alone with the child they should go and help him. actions speak louder than words.

yeas,apart from your husband lying to you for not informing about the child before marriage...the man is a wicked man for leaving his wife with a disability child to trick you to marriage.why didn't he stay with her and they raised the child together..that your husband is a wicked man and he deserves what's going through now.