H0711:


I am 7 months pregnant it is my first pregnancy I should be resting a lot but ever since the girl came I have been up and down , lifting her , feeding and changing nappies it is not easy. Well I can't answer your question about remarriying because it is only God that knows what the future will bring for me.

Heya...
I feel ur pains..
U r just a mum.
The baby's father is your hubby.
Don't give up.
Life has challenges..
But we never give up.
Be strong..
Talk to ur husband about your feelings.
You guys can get a foster care/home for the girl

H0711:


Yes I did for better for worse I have accepted him with his poor condition that's already worse because a lot of woman won't take it but i wasn't aware of the child especially in that condition I will never accept that worse because it is a death sentence. You are free to come and accept the worse in my behalf

You know @ the bold is not possible na. .

Oh.. you think accepting him in his poor state is doing him a big fav, right?
I'm very sure if pregnancy didn't happen you wouldn't have married him. So not like you married him in his poor state with your clear mind or your whole heart and the more reason you're not willing to accept his totality. This boils down to not thinking before you act like you're about doing now again.

You want to pack up a marriage under two months. Are you even thinking at all? Hian!

Ginaz:
Hmmm I know exactly how you feel and your feelings are understandable without a question. It takes one to be mentally tough to take care of a physically challenged individual with no body mobility. They are 100% dependent on you for their every needs, let’s not even talk about handling of poo, urine, feeding them straight from hand to mouth. it’s a lot to take in without prior notice from your husband.

You are pregnant too and it won’t be easy. It won’t be easy and you should not be guilt-strip into making the decision to care for the child.

Rest and relax, move out if you absolutely need to. You should make the decision yourself if you want to handle the situation with your husband.

Nobody should make you guilty. Your heart should not grumble into helping the poor child, least you do all in vain.

May God send helper to the child. It may be it’s your husband’s karma in some sort of way!

Move on . A pregnant woman needs rest as well. Just take care of yourself for the now and prepare for childbirth, tomorrow will sort itself out.

Thank you. I am leaving on the 4th of August

H0711:




Thank you . Right now he can't afford that 200k monthly , his younger sister has refused to come and help taking care of the child. Me too I can't kill myself in my condition and I will leave next month.

Young woman listen to me if you can.

Anybody here advicing you to leave is a home breaker.

Your mind asking you to leave is actually trying to mislead you.

don't leave your marriage, it's for better for worst.

marriage is not come and chop
stick your ground and put the necessary sacrifice and make a great mother for your home.

Look for an assistant you people should pay like 50k monthly by the way there's no job people will rush in for it.

Assist the child in prayers and constantly take her to church for serious prayers; GOD of miracle still exists.

Try and forgive your husband

And endeavours to do all for the child with the love of GOD so that your prayers shall have a healing on her thanks

Blessedmercy8:


You know @ the bold is not possible na. .

Oh.. you think accepting him in his poor state is doing him a big fav, right?
I'm very sure if pregnancy didn't happen you wouldn't have married him. So not like you married him in his poor state with your clear mind or your whole heart and the more reason you're not willing to accept his totality. This boils down to not thinking before you act like you're about doing now again.

You want to pack up a marriage under two months. Are you even thinking at all? Hian!

You can say whatever you like that's your opinion and you are entitled to it . One last thing I am leaving on the 4th of August. I will not reply you again , you know action speak louder than words if you care enough come and replace me the child need someone like you who will take care of her without a single complain.

Blessedmercy8:


Leave all this excuses. He didn't tell you, he didn't tell you. Did you try to find out?

Oh.. now you're helping him look for a wife... but if the mother had told you then to leave her man for her, would you have agreed?

You don enter now, see wetin dey inside, you come dey run.

One thing you should know is, marriage is not all that fun. It's a parcel full of surprises and you just have to brace yourself for it as each day unfolds. Or what were you expecting?

Sit down there. You don enter, you don enter.

Nwata fu ihe o choga, ahu e doe ya.
Happy married life.

Even as over rigid as the Catholic Church is when it comes to dissolution of marriage, if OP was married in the Catholic Church and what she posted is what is the real situation of the marriage, the marriage tribunal of the Church would annull the marriage because "deceit was perpetrated in order to secure consent" (Canon 1098). A man or a woman intending to marry is obligated to come clean about such.

ugolightswel1:


Young woman listen to me if you can.

Anybody here advicing you to leave is a home breaker.

Your mind asking you to leave is actually trying to mislead you.

don't leave your marriage, it's for better for worst.

marriage is not come and chop
stick your ground and put the necessary sacrifice and make a great mother for your home.

Look for an assistant you people should pay like 50k monthly by the way there's no job people will rush in for it.

Assist the child in prayers and constantly take her to church for serious prayers; GOD of miracle still exists.

Try and forgive your husband

And endeavours to do all for the child with the love of GOD so that your prayers shall have a healing on her thanks

Nobody is breaking her home . Her husband can’t afford to pay for assistance to take care of the child let alone to put her in a care home for the disable .

The child according to her can’t sit, move or walk, her case is really critical and demands 24hrs care. How do you expect a pregnant woman to care 24hrs for the disabled child on her own? How will she combined taking care of her soon to be born baby and the disabled child without assistance?

You think it’s firm trick right? Or she has some sort of supernatural power ?

You talk as if you can do it yourself. Don’t make her feel guilty for lacking the strength to handle the situation. It’s a very big responsibility! The husband never told her about the child in the first place for God’s sake.

Let her decide on it by herself!

ugolightswel1:


Young woman listen to me if you can.

Anybody here advicing you to leave is a home breaker.

Your mind asking you to leave is actually trying to mislead you.

don't leave your marriage, it's for better for worst.

marriage is not come and chop
stick your ground and put the necessary sacrifice and make a great mother for your home.

Look for an assistant you people should pay like 50k monthly by the way there's no job people will rush in for it.

Assist the child in prayers and constantly take her to church for serious prayers; GOD of miracle still exists.

Try and forgive your husband

And endeavours to do all for the child with the love of GOD so that your prayers shall have a healing on her thanks

No they are not home breaker they are people who understand my situation they can feel my pain , you are not staying wity us so you don't know how the past one week have been taking care of the child in my condition. I will not stay for my own sanity.

My only worry is the child, But God always take care of its own. It is well!

H0711:



You can say whatever you like that's your opinion and you are entitled to it . One last thing I am leaving on the 4th of August. I will not reply you again , you know action speak louder than words if you care enough come and replace me the child need someone like you who will take care of her without a single complain.

Na you take head go hang am, na you go take head carry am, nor be me.

Once again, happy married life.

Ginaz:
My only worry is the child, But God always take care of its own. It is well!

Amen. I hope my mother in law will come and stay with her so far she hasn't been interested she also doesn't want my sister-in-law to come and help maybe if I leave one of them will come.

Has your husband been sending any money to the mother of his disabled daughter to help with the girl's care?
Probably not, which is why the mother came and dropped her .
He should at least have made life easier on her mother by providing basic necessities for both mother and child. She has to work and at same time care for their daughter who needs 24/7 care
I just hope he won't hurt that child.
Please speak with him, and ask him to call the mother of the girl for a meeting.
Let them agree how much he will be dropping for her care and how often he will go and be seeing her there.
He shouldn't have abandoned his daughter like that. Dangerous man
Ot better still, ask her mother to contribute money with him to get her a carer between 25 to 50K monthly like you mentioned.
If he had been doing his responsibility over that child in the past, the mother wouldn't have just dumped her on him now, so it's even hard to ask the mother to contribute to her care now.

Mindlog:


Even as over rigid as the Catholic Church is when it comes to dissolution of marriage, if OP was married in the Catholic Church and what she posted is what is the real situation of the marriage, the marriage tribunal of the Church would annull the marriage because "deceit was perpetrated in order to secure consent" (Canon 1098). A man or a woman intending to marry is obligated to come clean about such.

What's the deceit there?

Ok, agreed the man didn't tell her but did she at anytime ask the man if he had a child somewhere and the man denied it? No! So no case here.

Shes just wants to have her cake and eat it. Shes not willing to sacrifice or support her spouse. The man is also having a hard time and needs her support but no, she's only concerned about herself alone. she's just being self-centered.

There's nothing like deceit. She should learn to ask questions in her dealings with people next time. I guess she got carried away by what she was enjoying then and never bothered to do the needful.

eyinjuege:
Has your husband been sending any money to the mother of his disabled daughter to help with the girl's care?
Probably not, which is why the mother came and dropped her .
He should at least have made life easier on her mother by providing basic necessities for both mother and child. She has to work and at same time care for their daughter who needs 24/7 care
I just hope he won't hurt that child.
Please speak with him, and ask him to call the mother of the girl for a meeting.
Let them agree how much he will be dropping for her care and how often he will go and be seeing her there.
He shouldn't have abandoned his daughter like that. Dangerous man
Ot better still, ask her mother to contribute money with him to get her a carer between 25 to 50K monthly like you mentioned.
If he had been doing his responsibility over that child in the past, the mother wouldn't have just dumped her on him now, so it's even hard to ask the mother to contribute to her care now.

No he hasn't sent money for a long time that's why she came to dropped her off. He is not financially stable salary is 15k and his side hustle is not going well too. The mother doesn't work too.

Blessedmercy8:


What's the deceit there?

Ok, agreed the man didn't tell her but did she at anytime ask the man if he had a child somewhere and the man denied it? No! So no case here.

Shes just wants to have her cake and eat it. Shes not willing to sacrifice or support her spouse. The man is also having a hard time and needs her support but no, she's only concerned about herself alone. she's just being self-centered.

There's nothing like deceit. She should learn to ask questions in her dealings with people next time. I guess she got carried away by what she was enjoying then and never bothered to do the needful.

Not disclosing to who you want to marry that you already have a child with someone else is not deceit?

Please do share your definition of deceit.

She is not self-centered but right to prioritize her wellbeing and that of their unborn child.

Read up on compassion fatigue.

You think taking care of child with cerebral palsy is a wave of the hand? Even though working with children and adolescents with such special needs is my specialization, I know how draining it is

Even here in the UK, many parents with children with cerebral palsy have 24hrs care for their children who live with them, where care givers are being paid £10-£12 per hour to look after the child, even at night husband and wife will be dozing off in their bedroom while the care giver is watching over their child despite the system supports such children with multidisciplinary team support, as they have access to occupational therapists, nutrionists, child therapists, neurologists etc

Tobijays:
tell your family that one back to op you better leave ooo. Ther was a case I witnessed, a man hid his epileptic condition to his newly wed wife. the wife knew after 3 months of marriage the family gathered and gave this kind of advice this person is giving you better wise up ooo

I only gave my submission, not pushing it down the Op throat to follow. It's left for her to find it worthy or not, and whatever decision she choose to make at the end is her choice.

It's normal should we have a contrary opinion to others, and opinion could be counter in a diplomatic way, not until we condemn other people's submission before we could make ours. No need involving my family in a sin I supposely commited based on your conviction.

All the same, thanks. Stay bless.

[quote author=Blessedmercy8 post=115222531][/quote]
You are being ridiculously judgemental. A marriage built on lies hardly works. This lady is heavily pregnant and pregnancies are hard enough. You don't want her to miscarry in the name of taking care of a special needs child.

Blessedmercy8:


What's the deceit there?

Ok, agreed the man didn't tell her but did she at anytime ask the man if he had a child somewhere and the man denied it? No! So no case here.

Shes just wants to have her cake and eat it. Shes not willing to sacrifice or support her spouse. The man is also having a hard time and needs her support but no, she's only concerned about herself alone. she's just being self-centered.

There's nothing like deceit. She should learn to ask questions in her dealings with people next time. I guess she got carried away by what she was enjoying then and never bothered to do the needful.

Don't be silly. So you are blaming her for not asking when he is the one that should be blamed for not speaking. Smh

H0711:


Please read my last paragraph like I said earlier my post is not about changing my mind or stayimg because I will stick to my decision. but I just wanna know what other people would do in my situation. You know on social media we advise people on things that we cannot even take a quarter of. Even myself if i wasn't in this situation I would have advised the person to stay and look after the child because I am not the one wearing the shoe but I wear the shoe and it is not easy

I quite agree with you on this. It's easier to give advise to people, same one one would find difficult to follow should one find oneself in similar situation. Such is life. Whatever choice you make, it's yours cos at the end, it's same you that would face whatever that comes with it. You are the one wearing the shoe, so you best understand how and where it hurt you. Wish you all the very best.

H0711:


No he hasn't sent money for a long time that's why she came to dropped her off. He is not financially stable salary is 15k and his side hustle is not going well too. The mother doesn't work too.

it's a pity, the deed has been done, why don't you just leave the home, go to the village as you have earlier said to give urself some space to think things through about u divorcing him?

Let him sort him self out with that little baby first while u prepare for ur delivery with a healthy and sound mind, that's the price he has to pay for keeping such a secret when he was to get married to u.
The marriage is too early for dis.
The mother of the baby did dis to hurt u intentionally, don't give her the pleasure.

I'm super proud of you that u didn't put ur frustrations on the poor child for the one week u cared for her.

Oizee:
it's a pity, the deed has been done, why don't you just leave the home, go to the village as you have earlier said to give urself some space to think things through about u divorcing him?

Let him sort him self out with that little baby first while u prepare for ur delivery with a healthy and sound mind, that's the price he has to pay for keeping such a secret when he was to get married to u.
The marriage is too early for dis.
The mother of the baby did dis to hurt u intentionally, don't give her the pleasure.

I'm super proud of you that u didn't put ur frustrations on the poor child for the one week u cared for her.

this is the best I'd read so far. Instead of divorce Give him some space and time to sort this out. Tell him to work on himself and with time time, if things get better, she'll decide if she still wants to be married to him.

I'm a guy and if I was in your shoes, I'll disappear in such a way that it'll be like I never even existed.

I have a younger cousin with cerebral palsy and even though he was born in a very rich home, the case is still a very difficult one to manage.

I don't how one can handle such a case without being financially buoyant. It's a very sad situation all around.

H0711:


I am 7 months pregnant it is my first pregnancy I should be resting a lot but ever since the girl came I have been up and down , lifting her , feeding and changing nappies it is not easy. Well I can't answer your question about remarriying because it is only God that knows what the future will bring for me.

How old is the child

Mindlog:


Not disclosing to who you want to marry that you already have a child with someone else is not deceit?

Please do share your definition of deceit.

She is not self-centered but right to prioritize her wellbeing and that of their unborn child.

Read up on compassion fatigue.

You think taking care of child with cerebral palsy is a wave of the hand? Even though working with children and adolescents with such special needs is my specialization, I know how draining it is

Even here in the UK, many parents with children with cerebral palsy have 24hrs care for their children who live with them, where care givers are being paid £10-£12 per hour to look after the child, even at night husband and wife will be dozing off in their bedroom while the care giver is watching over their child despite the system supports such children with multidisciplinary team support, as they have access to occupational therapists, nutrionists, child therapists, neurologists etc

So you support her to leave her marriage?

In all, she allowed herself to be deceived.

Anyways,.... Whatever rocks her boat.

There's nothing like for better for worse in a scam marriage. You don't have a marriage yet now that you've unveiled the scam.

.

H0711:


Yes I have made up my mind because it has not been easy for me because i take care of her everyday from morning until hubby get home at 7-8pm . It's been a week only and my head want to explode and my body want to give up. I am tired and the level of stress is too much for me in this my condition I need rest not all of this burden . I can't do it anymore. I am not leaving him because of his poor condition it is because I can't take care of his special need child , his financial state hasn't been a problem to me because no condition is permanent I know one day everything will be fine but i can't take care of his special need child in this my condition.

Don't think Divorce yet.

What your husband did was very bad and he is still doing you wrong by making you pay for his sins.

You have no business caring for the child in your condition.

Tell your husband to contact his people to help financially so he can afford a nanny else, you'll have to move else where to care for yourself and your unborn child till you put to birth.

You will have enough time to make up your mind on whether to forgive him or leave the marriage.

Even if you forgive him, you are not obligated to caring for the child after you put to birth cause this is a life time commitment. Tell those here advising otherwise to put funds together for your husband so he can afford that 200k place. Make dem pay indefinitely so their eye go clear.










This is how nizoorian males are especially those ones that say they cant be with a woman with baggage. Na dem dey get container of garbage to hip on your head.

H0711:
I got married two months ago , I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her. The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition. I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month ,he is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable. I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation

Verdict: Take a break from the marriage and not outright breakup.

A child is in the picture now so you are forever tied to your husband.

It's unfortunate what some women encounter in the name of marriage. We have read too many some unpleasant experiences lately.

When a man is too poor to take care of himself, something is definitely wrong with him but some ladies think there's dignity in suffering.

oazeez1991:


I quite agree with you on this. It's easier to give advise to people, same one one would find difficult to follow should one find oneself in similar situation. Such is life. Whatever choice you make, it's yours cos at the end, it's same you that would face whatever that comes with it. You are the one wearing the shoe, so you best understand how and where it hurt you. Wish you all the very best.

Thank you

Oizee:
it's a pity, the deed has been done, why don't you just leave the home, go to the village as you have earlier said to give urself some space to think things through about u divorcing him?

Let him sort him self out with that little baby first while u prepare for ur delivery with a healthy and sound mind, that's the price he has to pay for keeping such a secret when he was to get married to u.
The marriage is too early for dis.
The mother of the baby did dis to hurt u intentionally, don't give her the pleasure.

I'm super proud of you that u didn't put ur frustrations on the poor child for the one week u cared for her.

Thank you

Steep:
The man was fraudulent however biblically the only ground for divorce is adultery
That is why before marriage all diligence must be made to know the Truth of one's spouse.

Just like a man discovering that his wife had an abortion before marriage or was not a virgin before marriage should he then divorce her for it? The only ground for divorce is adultery.

Do not compare my current situation to what you just sated because it is not the same thing. My situation is about taking care of a disabled child 24/7 with no support . It cannot be compared to abortion or virginity.

Dailyparrot:


Verdict: Take a break from the marriage and not outright breakup.

A child is in the picture now so you are forever tied to your husband.

It's unfortunate what some women encounter in the name of marriage. We have read too many some unpleasant experiences lately.

When a man is too poor to take care of himself, something is definitely wrong with him but some ladies think there's dignity in suffering.

Thank you