Pls don't change your name.

What if your father would have destabilized your lives if he was around.

Maybe God removed him to protect you.

tydi:
In cases like this you don't know what happened between the couple you wouldn't know If it was the mother that firstly left the man when he was still struggling thereby making the man forget everything about them. Beasts ain't just born they are made out of people inhuman action to another

Look, regardless of what lead to the split, so long as a father erases the memory of his kids, there is no reason for them to feel burdened by him in anyway.

Franzinni:
My dear, many people will advice you based on emotions ..I will try to use logic .. fingers crossed

You deserve to change that name. Yes! Why not?

You have a father (sperm donor) but you don't have a dad as far as I understand.

Now here is my angle, You were born to this plain on your own(alone), you are practically a point in space somewhere in beween your ears(you are individual your entire life will be from that point ... It's your show, and you are the start actor) . You can only live into the future and the past is gone( only use of the past is for memory but nothing changes the fact that now is the only thing that exist in reality ) ... No matter what happened there it is GONE. You have no say on that, but your future ...

Whatever happens in it is partly in your hands. You don't have a dad so why keep a name? It only keeps you in the past and if your mother has raised y'all thus far then. At least she cares. And will be unfair to her to raise kids for a sperm donor to show up sometime in the future and claim he is a father .

But I guess your mother too has alot of blame to be honest women really are setup to fail in marriage because they never fully understand how to be with a man and then they frustrate him to the point that he just goes for a smoke and never comes back. You are female and if you don't start working on it you too might fall victim to the same problem. Because of what your mother went through.

I might not be totally logical because it's almost impossible to avoid emotions when talking about things like this.

Can we all just stop letting our kids develop mental illness because we want to hurt our spouse.

Most if not all serial killers, school shooters, and menace to society can be traced back to useless kids having kids and becoming air headed parents.

Change the name you all deserve a fresh start .

God bless you

Corridon:
Foolish talk. Do you know the reason why the man walked away? Don't judge what you don't know anything about. This is a one sided story from the woman's side.

Any man that walks away from children is not a man.
Period!!
Any vestiges of him must be erased from their lives

UnusualEmissary:
As far as I know, people bear their father's name by virtue of blood and lineage and not necessarily by virtue of responsibility and accountability.

If your father has birthed you in a legitimate marriage, you bear his name automatically by virtue of such arrangement as you have become linked to his lineage by blood and relation. It is not necessary that he fulfils his obligations as father before that phenomenon of answering his name becomes a thing.

Your mum is probably pained from the experience with him but sentiments shouldn't be applied to influence proper arrangements. He has birthed you already, you are linked to his lineage already and there's nothing that can be done to change that.

You have said it all. No word to add.

sentix:
Pls don't change your name.

What if your father would have destabilized your lives if he was around.

Maybe God removed him to protect you.

If we are to assume God did it, isn't that all the more reason to abandon the man's name as well?

ibechris:
It doesn't change anything at all.

Most single Women are like that.

Go and look for your dad and find out from him why he abandoned u guys first hand and then,take your decision after wards.

I doubt if that was the whole truth.

You keep brandishing your marriage and use it as a yardstick to judge other situations. Oga Ibe rest abeg. She doesn't have a dad

IamBlessed12:




God bless you

Amen. And you too.

excellence44:
She has no right to do that but I must advice that you be diplomatic in dealing with her. Play along with her till such a time when you can stand on your own. As for your brother, allow him to go along with the name change because when the time comes, a man Will always be a man.

She has no right, according to you, yet these are her minor children who she has sacrificed the almighty money for. If her father wanted to be in her life and answering his name, he would've done so.

This place and its double standards that don't even have proper grounding.

bros seek your father,
Remember, there are two sides of a coin, you were not there when the dispute happened. what she did and what let to the mans decision.
thank God you and your brother are males, one day you will understand your father.

so dont be too quick to judge

Who committed the adultery,if it's your mum then he is doubtful of your paternity. Also,let your mum live according to her means. You are a Man meet your Dad and discuss with him about his grievance over your mum.

Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?

eminikansoso:

Baddest guy
Always have a loophole to cover his head

Abi naaaa....we can just say no to our mothers

Na indirect method go work

Kobojunkiee:
Look, regardless of what lead to the split, so long as a father erases the memory of his kids, there is no reason for them to feel burdened by him in anyway.

What about in a case where the mother refuses the father to see the kids talk more of speaking with them. Regardlessly the mindset towards father the mother would had fuel the kids with.
What do you expect the man to do. Not to move on with his dear life!

I believe all the comments on the first page were done by men......
I understand your mother, it hurts when a man abandons his responsibilities towards his children because marriage failed. And the thought that after all your years of labour to raise them and give them a better life.... someone would emerge and claim to be their Dad is even more hurtful. This is why she wants to take that step.

If your Dad didn't pay the marital rites of your mum..... He can't claim you two, according to some traditions. In some way, your mum is right.... but you know your story more than us and you know who's who amongst the two, so don't play on your mum's intelligence but try talking with her, if you are of age or simply obey her.....
The future holds a lot, the bond wouldn't be tampered with.

Badowski:
bros seek your father,
Remember, there are two sides of a coin, you were not there when the dispute happened. what she did and what let to the mans decision.
thank God you and your brother are males, one day you will understand your father.

so dont be too quick to judge

He/She was there.

IamBlessed12:



You keep brandishing your marriage and use it as a yardstick to judge other situations. Oga Ibe rest abeg. She doesn't have a dad

I am proud of my marriage and that is why I am so proud to see people happy in their marriages no matter their tribe,class or colour

So,she should not look for her dad because of a single mother and her lies.

Na people like u dey like see other marriages suffer and come back here to tell other how discouraging it is for men and women to marry.

Like I said to her,she should go and look for her father.
Well,u are angry because u are a single mother...sorry no be me do u.

I so much love men that drags kids with their wife during separation, that action alone is enough to know a responsible man. But who told women to be carrying kids along during divorce? Some women like wahala and burden sha, shishi I no go carry if I still love the man deep down, except for the one that’s still a toddler. I have my strong reasons for saying this .

advanceDNA:


Tell her u have gone to find out how to change name....Tell her court refuse to do sworn afidavit without you NIN and birth certificate showing the name..

If u have done NIN already...tell her U went to NIN office.... surname change on NIN is 35k....
News paper publication 20k...She will leave u alone...

If u have not done NIN..tell her they said u should bring sworn afidavit to show your name and birth certificate......that is back to square one since u cant do sworn affidavit without NIN or document that shows your name..

She will leave u alone

Supported

ibechris:



I am proud of my marriage and that is why I am so proud to see people happy in their marriages no matter their tribe,class or colour

So,she should not look for her dad because of a single mother and her lies.

Na people like u dey like see other marriages suffer and come back here to tell other how discouraging it is for men and women to marry.

Like I said to her,she should go and look for her father .

Stop always rubbing your marriage on other people. I READ YOUR COMMENTS ALL THE TIME AND YOU KEEP DOING IT


STOP IT. MAKE WE HEAR WORD. YOUR WIFE THIS, YOUR MARRIAGE THAT


THE PEOPLE AT HAND DONT GIVE TWO HOOTS ABOUT YOU

Theknowledge:
There is nothing like a deadbeat DAD! I was told this for the longest time but growing up as an adult my orientation changed.

No man goes into marriage with the intention of being a deadbeat dad, but life can present it's challenges and some women makes this time unbearable for their husbands making some mean lose their zeal and self esteem to strive for more.

A woman's needs are insatiable and it's continuous- Na relationship open my eyes! Only some men can take the bullshit from most women and still remain sane.

Our society is feeling this pressure as it takes both parents to raise a child- that's why the moral decadence that we see- as women are quick to label their husband (for better and for worse oo) deadbeat.

Omo marriage na work and support system if you know you can't offer this kindly stay single o

With all you typed up there, you still don't know humans and life yet. I hope one day, you will learn

ibechris:
It doesn't change anything at all.

Most single Women are like that.

Go and look for your dad and find out from him why he abandoned u guys first hand and then,take your decision after wards.

I doubt if that was the whole truth.

What if he begins lying about what happened to get back at her mother and paint himself a saint? Why should what he has to say be the truth?

All this "go and look for your father" is the prime excuse and reasoning of deadbeats and their refusal to be responsible for their children.. Because they believe—according to pointless African tradition—that they are so important the child must come back to hear their side of the story, be it entirely falsehood or whatever they eventually decide to tell.

Later on, single women are like this and like that.

As if there's always a saintly man who walked out. She said there was battery and adultery involved in their separation. Hopefully the deadbeat will be able to turn that around and bleat like a little lamb when she finds him.

Qatar2022:

It's not a quarrel matter but one day something will happen that will make you look for that man

Please stop arguing with her. She's a female. They are wired to reason emotional while men reason logically. All what you are saying doesn't make sense to her. Please let her be. They are one way traffic in reasoning

Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?

Infidelity and harsh on whose part?
How's your dad with you all (his children)?
Does he even show up?
What do YOU think about the whole situation?

Your answer to the first question should at least help you make your decision.

folks4luv:

With all you typed up there, you still don't know humans and life yet. I hope one day, you will learn

Really, the number of children (boys) who post on this forum is terrible. Most of them are U30/40. And as such, their posts are horrifically myopic.

advanceDNA:


Tell her u have gone to find out how to change name....Tell her court refuse to do sworn afidavit without you NIN and birth certificate showing the name..

If u have done NIN already...tell her U went to NIN office.... surname change on NIN is 35k....
News paper publication 20k...She will leave u alone...

If u have not done NIN..tell her they said u should bring sworn afidavit to show your name and birth certificate......that is back to square one since u cant do sworn affidavit without NIN or document that shows your name..

She will leave u alone

Oil dey ur head bro

IamBlessed12:




Stop always rubbing your marriage on other people. I READ YOUR COMMENTS ALL THE TIME AND YOU KEEP DOING IT


STOP IT. MAKE WE HEAR WORD. YOUR WIFE THIS, YOUR MARRIAGE THAT


THE PEOPLE AT HAND DONT GIVE TWO HOOTS ABOUT YOU

U are just sick and filled with so much hate.

I am pro marriage and I will keep saying it marriage is good and mine is great.

So,if u hate me for praising marriage especially mine...then u could kill yourself.

I know u hate me yet u read every garbage I write here following me here and there.

In summary,u are too empty and nothing reasonable to contribute other than hate.

My wife is a great woman if that hurts so be it.

Theknowledge:
There is nothing like a deadbeat DAD! I was told this for the longest time but growing up as an adult my orientation changed.

No man goes into marriage with the intention of being a deadbeat dad, but life can present it's challenges and some women makes this time unbearable for their husbands making some mean lose their zeal and self esteem to strive for more.

A woman's needs are insatiable and it's continuous- Na relationship open my eyes! Only some men can take the bullshit from most women and still remain sane.

Our society is feeling this pressure as it takes both parents to raise a child- that's why the moral decadence that we see- as women are quick to label their husband (for better and for worse oo) deadbeat.

Omo marriage na work and support system if you know you can't offer this kindly stay single o

Nice one most sensible answer
Am sure u must have had an experience

BRATISLAVA:


What if he begins lying about what happened to get back at her mother and paint himself a saint? Why should what he has to say be the truth?

All this "go and look for your father" is the prime excuse and reasoning of deadbeats and their refusal to be responsible for their children.. Because they believe—according to pointless African tradition—that they are so important the child must come back to hear their side of the story, be it entirely falsehood or how.

Later on, single women are like this and like that.

As if there's always a saintly man who walked out. She said there was battery and adultery involved in their separation. Hopefully the deadbeat will be able to turn that around and bleat like a little lamb when she finds him.

Can you see what am trying to tell you @Quatar. The man will lie to the children while the woman is the only person that can say the truth to their children. I pity those who still trust this gender. They are so unreasonably I swear

Same thing with me, tho they gave birth to me out of wedlock, she saw me through and I'm currently serving now.
Tho I do not intend to change the name on my certificates but I have since changed my surname on social media to my mom's father name

HMMM WAYO PIPU Everywhere quote author=advanceDNA post=116841425]

Tell her u have gone to find out how to change name....Tell her court refuse to do sworn afidavit without you NIN and birth certificate showing the name..

If u have done NIN already...tell her U went to NIN office.... surname change on NIN is 35k....
News paper publication 20k...She will leave u alone...

If u have not done NIN..tell her they said u should bring sworn afidavit to show your name and birth certificate......that is back to square one since u cant do sworn affidavit without NIN or document that shows your name..

She will leave u alone
[/quote]

Rozross:
I so much love men that drags kids with their wife during separation, that action alone is enough to know a responsible man. But who told women to be carrying kids along during divorce? Some women like wahala and burden sha, shishi I no go carry if I still love the man deep down, except for the one that’s still a toddler. I have my strong reasons for saying this .

Most men do it to spite their exes. It's not as if they love their children so much or know how to take care of them.

The more a man wants to take away the children as his sole property during a separation, like Nigerian men always do, the more evil he is. He just wants to take them away to another woman (like his old mother or sisters), as he will never be truly interested in caring for them by himself.

Bad marriage will humble you

Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?