Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 3,162,499 members, 7,850,732 topics. Date: Wednesday, 05 June 2024 at 08:16 AM

My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name - Family (5) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name (28665 Views)

Mother Wants Her Daughter To Quit Marriage Because Of This / My Mother Wants To Remarry / My Mother Wants Me To Rent My Own House (2) (3) (4)

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (Reply) (Go Down)

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by BRATISLAVA: 2:48pm On Sep 20, 2022
lawrenzooo:

Op mentioned infidelity we don't even know whether it's the father that cheated or the mom....

Women can be funny it happened to a friend of mine who was 34 in 2016... According to him his dad and mom separated since he was 5 and none of them knew the reason not until my friend went to get his father's blessings for his wedding that we got to know the man wasn't his father....

Lol.

Another possibility to save face in a society where single mothers are reviled.

1 Like

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by homenje73: 2:49pm On Sep 20, 2022
You are man, when u grow up to a full grown man, maybe then u will understand why father never cared. Therefore, be careful in following your mother's advice, women are myopic in reasoning. You will never have inheritance or share in your mother's family never. If your material grand father or uncle are still alive let them know of your mother's plan, you be shocked that they will wash they hands off , none will ever be in support. In Igbo proverb, a dog that's is trained by a woman eats fowl's egg.

1 Like

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by IamBlessed12: 2:49pm On Sep 20, 2022
KIDfurniture:
Bad marriage will humble you






Preach

1 Like

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Admiral49(m): 2:49pm On Sep 20, 2022
advanceDNA:


Tell her u have gone to find out how to change name....Tell her court refuse to do sworn afidavit without you NIN and birth certificate showing the name..

If u have done NIN already...tell her U went to NIN office.... surname change on NIN is 35k....
News paper publication 20k...She will leave u alone...

If u have not done NIN..tell her they said u should bring sworn afidavit to show your name and birth certificate......that is back to square one since u cant do sworn affidavit without NIN or document that shows your name..

She will leave u alone grin




This guy go good for movie plotting, you too get sense
Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Nobody: 2:50pm On Sep 20, 2022
BRATISLAVA:


Most men do it to spite their exes. It's not as if they love their children so much or know how to take care of them.

The more a man wants to take the children as his during a separation, like Nigerian men always do, the more evil he is. He just wants to take them away to another woman (like his old mother or sisters), as he will never be interested in caring for them himself.
Well, you are also right sha.

2 Likes

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by NigerianAngelo(m): 2:51pm On Sep 20, 2022
Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?

1. Don't change ANYTHING. Pray for her to cool down. Pray for your father. Pray for them to rejoin.

You cannot deny your father. Pray. You might be shocked God will answer you. She is just temporarily responding to pain. Do the right thing. It will please your mother more in the short and long run. - and will please God more.


Meanwhile, Three Hail Marys for you and your family.


2. Also know that your father might have tried reaching to you but pain might not have allowed your mother to bring you out.

3. Personally I pray for you. Nothing as good as a FULL FAMILY. No weapon against that shall stand in your life. Never.

1 Like

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by advanceDNA: 2:51pm On Sep 20, 2022
ochiosa:
HMMM WAYO PIPU Everywhere grin grin quote author=advanceDNA post=116841425]


Tell your mama say you no do wetin she tell you.....you know all thus our mother naaa....na that she go dey threaten you say na her breaśt u suck for 7 months ...

2 Likes

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by rickleye: 2:51pm On Sep 20, 2022
I would assume you have cousins , kids from your dad's brothers and sisters ( Aunt and Uncles )
Just put a hyphenated surname. So if you called Omolade Johnson ( dads last name) make it Omolade Johnson -smith ( mothers maiden name)

That way you are not completely cut of from your dad's side of the family. His blood still courses through your view. It doesnt make what he did right but at one time, your parents loved each other to create the both of you.
Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by BRATISLAVA: 2:55pm On Sep 20, 2022
phemy36:


Can you see what am trying to tell you @Quatar. The man will lie to the children while the woman is the only person that can say the truth to their children. I pity those who still trust this gender. They are so unreasonably I swear

Why should anyone believe that because the man left, if the children come to ask him why that he will say the truth to them? Are men the custodians of every relationship truth?

That's a Nigerian lie, that children of deadbeats should look for their fathers.

If you believe the mothers are lying, then better believe the fathers are lying too.

Anything outside of that is delusional.

2 Likes

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by phemy36(m): 2:56pm On Sep 20, 2022
BRATISLAVA:


Most men do it to spite their exes. It's not as if they love their children so much or know how to take care of them.

The more a man wants to take away the children as his sole property during a separation, like Nigerian men always do, the more evil he is. He just wants to take them away to another woman (like his old mother or sisters), as he will never be truly interested in caring for them by himself.

@Quatar can you see this again. This gender are evil. I pray I don't meet your kind of person in my entire life. I pity your generation and a man that will marry you. God forbid bad thing
Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by victorazy(m): 2:56pm On Sep 20, 2022
Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?

Are you a man or boy?

Remember nature! grin
Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by SunTzu123(m): 2:56pm On Sep 20, 2022
Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?

Your Mum is angry and justifiably so. But you MUST reconcile with your Father.
Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by BRATISLAVA: 2:59pm On Sep 20, 2022
phemy36:


@Quatar can you see this again. This gender are evil. I pray I don't meet your kind of person in my entire life. I pity your generation and a man that will marry you. God forbid bad thing

Anyone who questions the authenticity of Nigerian men must be from the "evil gender". If only you could use the same judgement on your saintly gender and see how ridiculously myopic what you're saying is.

You are funny, though. What do you know about my generation and marriage? Why would I meet the likes of you? What for? You're repellent.

Save that pity for your generation and the woman that you will marry. Devil embrace such a thing.

2 Likes

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Exceed15: 2:59pm On Sep 20, 2022
Your mom actions speaks volume of what transpired in that marriage. She's practically enforcing it on you to change your surname as legitimate child. Listen girl, your parents separation is the fault of both of them so why is she selfish to paint your dad as the bad person.

Again, learn ,pray and be determined that your own marriage will work. Do not allow the beliefs your mom has painted about men affect your marriage.

I like your courage to maintain your father's name. It is your right. As for your brother, time will tell.
Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by LadyExcellency: 3:02pm On Sep 20, 2022
signature2012:
I detest deadbeat fathers…

In future,the so called father will now show up and start begging,sending people on his behalf to talk to you guys about forgiveness or start mentions Gods name million times claiming to be a born again now.

To me,you really don’t have to change your last name. You can’t still bear your fathers name and not have anything to do with it.

As for your mother,I understand where she’s coming from.Handle this ish carefully.

Did you ask if the infidelity is from the Mummy or Daddy?

Assuming it was the mother sleeping around with reckless abandon?
Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by bepositive11: 3:04pm On Sep 20, 2022
Ask your mother why she wants you to change your name. It may be becaus of the pain she has experienced. Most of the men on Nairaland are misogynists so you won't get good advice here.

Have a heart to heart conversation with your mom. She cares about you and she won't do something that will disadvantage you.

Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?

2 Likes

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by bepositive11: 3:05pm On Sep 20, 2022
Arelyn:
Women are naturally more deceptive than men and more often than not

Are you a man? If yes, your statement is weak.

1 Like

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Exceed15: 3:06pm On Sep 20, 2022
igbowoman:
I agree with your mother.Your father walked away from you all and his parental rights .
I would change the surnames of my kids in the same circumstances.
He is a deadbeat and doesn't deserve you bearing his name.
Nigerians and their sentiments thinking his name means a thing

So fast to conclude he walked away. What if he left to avoid domestic violence which can come from any party. Don't judge what you don't know the full story.

1 Like

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by nams77: 3:06pm On Sep 20, 2022
ibechris:
It doesn't change anything at all.

Most single Women are like that.

Go and look for your dad and find out from him why he abandoned u guys first hand and then,take your decision after wards.

I doubt if that was the whole truth.
Best suggestion. Reach out to your father and find out why he is not there


Women can be so bitchy and manipulative especially when the union is broken. A man who was doing fine before will now be labelled a deadbeat because he is no more in the union.
I have seen a woman who claimed she was been starved by her husband and that he is not taking responsibility for the child. By the time the man arrived on the scene, story changed. The man produced bunch of receipts for transfer for feeding, school fees payments, rent payments etc.
The woman shut up her mouth.

Op, your father may even be providing little resources but your mom can sit on top it and not disclose it because she is pained

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by BRATISLAVA: 3:10pm On Sep 20, 2022
Beremx:
The story is about an irresponsible father who has refused to take care of his kids. How does that has to do with the wife’s needs?

grin

Welcome to Nairaland!

Man + bad = woman to blame
Man + deadbeatery = woman to blame
Man + failure = woman to blame
Man + debauchery = woman to blame
Woman + bad = woman to blame
Children + bad = woman to blame
World + problems= woman to blame
i + j = woman to blame

Misogyny is the nectar of stupidity.

5 Likes

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Diligent1(f): 3:10pm On Sep 20, 2022
tydi:
shocked

Don't abide to that. Single handedly she wants to make you guys bastards by default
This is wisdom

1 Like

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Kobojunkiee: 3:11pm On Sep 20, 2022
tydi:
What about in a case where the mother refuses the father to see the kids talk more of speaking with them. Regardlessly the mindset towards father the mother would had fuel the kids with.
What do you expect the man to do. Not to move on with his dear life!
Do you realize that the case you mentioned is rare. You rarely find a woman who would refuse support of any kind from the father of her kids unless she believes her safety or that of her kids is at stake. Most women would love to receive support even from the men who abandoned them for other women. undecided

Regardless, the OP's story does not indicate that her mother is at fault but instead that her father more than likely has them erased from his memory. undecided

2 Likes

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by BRATISLAVA: 3:12pm On Sep 20, 2022
bepositive11:


Are you a man? If yes, your statement is weak.

Allow them to have some consolation.

Women—that eeeeeeevil gender—are scheming tirelessly to bring men down and tear their homes apart. Men are innocent lambs hanging on their teats for the ride.

1 Like

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by muzeze77: 3:12pm On Sep 20, 2022
U better change your name , u are getting no support from a father who does not care for you and your mother is suffering and being a father and mother to you , I was in your shoes though I did not change my name , my kids have a different surname , Dele Alli is another example he does not use his surname , family is more than blood, if a family adopted me and raised me I will take their surname if allowed

3 Likes

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by WHITELIGHTER: 3:16pm On Sep 20, 2022
advanceDNA:


Tell her u have gone to find out how to change name....Tell her court refuse to do sworn afidavit without you NIN and birth certificate showing the name..

If u have done NIN already...tell her U went to NIN office.... surname change on NIN is 35k....
News paper publication 20k...She will leave u alone...

If u have not done NIN..tell her they said u should bring sworn afidavit to show your name and birth certificate......that is back to square one since u cant do sworn affidavit without NIN or document that shows your name..

She will leave u alone grin

Wisdom will not kill you
Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by TenQ: 3:20pm On Sep 20, 2022
Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?
A name can always be changed.
However, the genetic information of your dad is deep within you.

Be careful as you grow up to resolve not to be like your dad. Sometimes, without a strong resolve, you'll be his carbon copy.
God can remake any person who desires it.

Peace!
Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by latolz: 3:23pm On Sep 20, 2022
Wether he is poor or rich he will always remain your father.. Live with that..
Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Kobojunkiee: 3:23pm On Sep 20, 2022
Ihenzy:
Same thing with me, tho they gave birth to me out of wedlock, she saw me through and I'm currently serving now.
Tho I do not intend to change the name on my certificates but I have since changed my surname on social media to my mom's father name
Please we need honest folks who have actually lived through this sort of thing to speak up and out! Most of the responses here are nothing but emotional drivel driven by blind culture that holds on to even the meaningless no matter what. undecided
Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Cold141114(m): 3:24pm On Sep 20, 2022
ibechris:
It doesn't change anything at all.

Most single Women are like that.

Go and look for your dad and find out from him why he abandoned u guys first hand and then,take your decision after wards.

I doubt if that was the whole truth.


I want to like this million times.....

1 Like

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Exceed15: 3:24pm On Sep 20, 2022
Franzinni:
My dear, many people will advice you based on emotions ..I will try to use logic .. fingers crossed

You deserve to change that name. Yes! Why not?

You have a father (sperm donor) but you don't have a dad as far as I understand.

Now here is my angle, You were born to this plain on your own(alone), you are practically a point in space somewhere in beween your ears(you are individual your entire life will be from that point ... It's your show, and you are the start actor) . You can only live into the future and the past is gone( only use of the past is for memory but nothing changes the fact that now is the only thing that exist in reality ) ... No matter what happened there it is GONE. You have no say on that, but your future ...

Whatever happens in it is partly in your hands. You don't have a dad so why keep a name? It only keeps you in the past and if your mother has raised y'all thus far then. At least she cares. And will be unfair to her to raise kids for a sperm donor to show up sometime in the future and claim he is a father .

But I guess your mother too has alot of blame to be honest women really are setup to fail in marriage because they never fully understand how to be with a man and then they frustrate him to the point that he just goes for a smoke and never comes back. You are female and if you don't start working on it you too might fall victim to the same problem. Because of what your mother went through.

I might not be totally logical because it's almost impossible to avoid emotions when talking about things like this.

Can we all just stop letting our kids develop mental illness because we want to hurt our spouse.

Most if not all serial killers, school shooters, and menace to society can be traced back to useless kids having kids and becoming air headed parents.

Change the name you all deserve a fresh start .

Mumu talk .
Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Kobojunkiee: 3:24pm On Sep 20, 2022
latolz:
Wether he is poor or rich he will always remain your father.. Live with that..
These days, even a test-tube baby has a sperm donor from out there somewhere... that does not make him a father at all. undecided
Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by tunde1200(m): 3:28pm On Sep 20, 2022
My best advise bro.

Bless you

excellence44:
She has no right to do that but I must advice that you be diplomatic in dealing with her. Play along with her till such a time when you can stand on your own. As for your brother, allow him to go along with the name change because when the time comes, a man Will always be a man.

1 Like

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (Reply)

My Husband Starves Me Of Sex – Pregnant Wife Tells Court / A 2 Day Old Baby Abandoned By The Roadside Named After Okoya-Thomas / Obituary Of Family Of 6 Killed By Generator Fume In Port Harcourt

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 72
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.