My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name - Family (6) - Nairaland
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| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by od501: 3:28pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
Alexxx2000:Although I don't know how old you are, but women sometimes weaponize their children. First, she has no right to force you to change your name. Secondly, I'd advise you visit your father to find out why he abandoned you guys like your mother has claimed. I'm not asking you not to trust your mother but sometimes, women are selfish in situations like this. Ho find out yourself what really happened. |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by tydi(m): 3:29pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
Kobojunkiee:Okay. I have seen in most cases whereas the mother would turn down anything coming from or concerning the man towards the kids probably because of the sore experiences involved . She would leave to Carter for the kids alone thereby feeding the kids all sorts of gibberish of their father not been there for them Concerning the post going by the Op she never mentioned who was at fault she just cited infidelity been the cause of their breakup which it could be from any of both parties |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by tunde1200(m): 3:29pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
Sense dey this write up bro ibechris: |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Sixfiguresmart(m): 3:30pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
This is the problem with feminists. They drag kids into the drama that they plot. I understand that a man can be bad. A wise woman knows that the children will have a hard time psychologically and materially to deal with life. men cheat but find a way to make the home. That is the job of the woman. She should have made it possible for him to have a part in your lives too. But pride and arrogance destroy lives. I do not know the full story but a wise woman must always strive to have the kids live normal with their dad no matter how bad he is. Let them have that organic tenderness and direction. This later affects the entire existence of the children. The mention of that name brings back regrets and feelings of coulda woulda shoulda. She is battling with mid-life crisis and she has no one to lay it on but the name. Changing the name does not change you. Who knows how she has painted the story to your guys. He is still your father and would have stayed had ... Your name is your identity. It is who you are. You belong to that matrimony that encircles your birth not the separation. Alexxx2000: |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Grandmeister(m): 3:30pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
Beremx:The story get comma! The Op mentioned infidelity but didn’t say who cheated. If it was the mum nko? And the man has doubts over the paternity of the kids? like a man will cheat in a marriage and abandon his kids because his wife found out? Lol give me a break! |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Deepthoughts: 3:32pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
Alexxx2000: |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by caprini1: 3:33pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
Alexxx2000:I will simply advice you not bow your head a victim....i,ve seen a very rich man that died in a car crash with his wife ,leaving three underaged children at the mercies of evil uncles. Its not easy, but life goes on...aspire to be the very best you can be in life ,changing your surname ,is not necessary. And i need to ask,have you made an independent effort to talk with your Dad? Trust me ,a father will always melt ,at the site of children he hasn't seen for a while,try and be neutral,dont support mum or Dad....try and live first with your kid brother,every kobo from both your parents,is very important for your upkeeps. |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Earthquakes: 3:33pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
igbowoman:Sentiment has clouded your judgement, if truly you are an Igbo woman you should understand how surname works or do you mean someone who lost their dad at tender age should also changed their surnames since their dad was never part of their lives |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by famouscargo4u: 3:34pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
Alexxx2000:Don't listen to her. Father cannot be replaced whatever the situation. |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Kobojunkiee: 3:34pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
tydi:1. Again, women don't typically turn down help from the father of their own kids or others, unless they perceive such a person as a threat of some sort to them or their kids. And when you rightly consider the Nigerian situation where the majority of either abandoned or divorced women are left with nothing and expected to fend for themselves, women typically desire to have some support, even if minimal, from the father of their kids. So, I don't know where you find these "most cases" you continue to push here. ![]() 2. Again, regardless of who it was that was at fault, the fact in the OP's mind is that her father has all but erased memories of them and that their situation is bad but there is no help coming from any quarters even from their dad's. ![]() |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Kobojunkiee: 3:36pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
caprini1:Stop lying to folks abeg! ![]() Not all fathers are the kind you describe and you and I know this well. ![]() |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Emaprince: 3:36pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
Kobojunkiee:Who are these millions sef? You just dey vomit garbage here. If anything, in most cases it is usually the mothers that eloped with the kids and denied their fathers access to them...later she will tell them sordid stories of their fathers life and how he abandoned them. Women and their bitterness and manipulation. It might be the case in this story. The OP doesn't even know the cause of the separation. All she know is that the man abandoned them according to the mom. That man may not even know their where about. It is in this Nairaland that a lady confessed to cheating on her hubby which broke their marriage.. later the man wants her bank. But she created a new thread claiming the man initiated the break up and now wants her back. She forgot where she excitedly bragged about getting it outside from other men on this site. I'm sure if they had a baby together and the man didn't want to get back with her, she will feed the kid with all manner of lies. Only a FOOL believes what comes out the mouth of a woman...especially in emotional situations |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Grandmeister(m): 3:40pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
Kobojunkiee:If the mother was the cheat and the children’s paternity are in doubt then they can change their names (when they want to). If the bride price was not returned then they are still assumed to be the man’s children. There’s a real risk of being labelled bastards if they change their name without due consultation, to you it may seem puerile but it isn’t in our society. |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Kobojunkiee: 3:41pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
Emaprince:1. Wrong! Many women were abandoned in marriage... it is the convenient culture in Nigeria for men to abandon rather than divorce their women and when they abandon said woman, most never look back, not even at the kids. Now, civilization is somehow attempting to force these men to pay some sort of support to maintain even those abandoned families of there's and as we all can see, the fight to have such instituted is a hard fight. ![]() 2. OP stated the cause of the separation. You refuse to accept it doesn't mean it was not stated. ![]() |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Franzinni: 3:44pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
Exceed15:yeah... mumu comment, I checked your profile and realised you are talented with MUMU talk, so I understand but you might need therapy. You are not all there. ![]() Eleribu |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Kobojunkiee: 3:44pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
Grandmeister:1. In doubt or established? ![]() 2. If they are assumed to be the man's yet the man had mentally and physically abandoned them, of what use is this shackle on the children? ![]() A real risk of being labeled bastards? What the bloody heck does that mean? Society? What society? How many people's fathers are famous that society even cares about or knows where they are from or whose they belong? Stop deceiving yourself with these all but meaningless ideas abeg! ![]() |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by asmovic(m): 3:44pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
UnusualEmissary:you spoke my mind. God bless you. |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by tydi(m): 3:45pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
Kobojunkiee:Twice to my third experiences sums up the most cases I have seen and witnessed. I have seen some hardworking women even with the economic woes of the country decided to single handledly cater of her kids not bringing the father into the pictures at all to the kids. .And how do you mean a father been a threat to his children Even a mad person on the street does no harm to his/her offspring more or less a caring father. 2. About the father erasing all the Memories of his kids and family, if only the woman will truly tell her children how many times or efforts the man has tried been in their life and been shut out before he took his last stand . You never can tell where the shoe pains if you ain't the one wearing it. |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Kobojunkiee: 3:45pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
Emaprince:What has this story to do with this topic abeg? ![]() |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Emaprince: 3:47pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
Kobojunkiee:It paints the true picture of a womans nature. And will help gullible people reckon that Ops mom might be the cause of the break up...and expectedly told the kids all kinds of lies about their dad just so she can turn them against him. |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Kobojunkiee: 3:49pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
tydi:1. I can assure you that in the country called Nigeria, those who you claim to have experience do not make up even the meaningful minority as far as women are concerned. That idea of yours does not work at all considering we are talking of a country where the vast majority still live believing society norms are to be maintained and valued. ![]() 2. The OP is the one informing you of this, not the woman. The OP is the child and OP didn't indicate that this information was obtained from the mother, so it is likely it was from direct experience with the father in question. ![]() |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Beremx(f): 3:50pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
BRATISLAVA:you have said it all |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Kobojunkiee: 3:50pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
Emaprince:You are not making any sense at all... are all men exactly the same or something? ![]() |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Grandmeister(m): 3:51pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
Kobojunkiee:If I was deceiving myself the young lad/girl wouldn’t have come online to ask these. I didn’t make the rules, being a bastard is a serious stigma and no amount of wokeness will change that fact. |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by godofuck231: 3:54pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
Alexxx2000:answer your grand fathers name or great grand fathers , dont take a name over your blood, only bastards and slaves have that laxity, women do sometimes exaggerate, she wants to change her dads and then her husbands ? Next it would be her grand fathers name to change tomorrow, she must bear the problem herself |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Emaprince: 3:55pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
tydi:Exactly the point!!! That woman probably shut him out and made sure he never had any contact with the kids again. The man may decide to start a familly with another woman atleast to birth some kids for him.. but later the the woman who is the actual villain will lie to the kids about how their father never wanted to have anything to do with them . Women usually weaponize the kids against the man whenever there is a break up. Even if she was the cheat. Bitterness from the break up will eat them up to act that way. |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Kobojunkiee: 3:55pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
Grandmeister:Look, I don't follow rules made by mere men, especially those who never consulted with me beforehand, so, your traditional/cultural leanings make no sense to me in this. ![]() OP came online to ask questions regarding something and anyone can do that. Trying to play the culture/tradition card when this cuts across cultures and traditions, is ridiculous if you ask me. There are cultures out there where children are their mothers when abandoned by their fathers by default. There are cultures out there where kids bear both the name of father and mother, etc. So to insist your own cultural norms are it... is rubbish to me. ![]() |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Grandmeister(m): 3:56pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
od501:Dem no get uncles?? Why come online, na their uncles go sabi the full story and will be in a better position to advice them. What man will leave his own biological child and disappear UNLESS he believes the child wasn’t his! If he did the necessary marriage rites then the bride price has to be returned and the children and wife can change their surnames as they deem fit. If dem never return the bride price they can’t change their names on a whim. If you don’t have uncles then go to a magistrate court and clear your doubts . |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Grandmeister(m): 3:58pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
Kobojunkiee:Well you’re not the Op and the culture isn’t rubbish to him/her or else the op wouldn’t be struggling with it. Again no amount of grand standing by an anonymous identity online will change culture and tradition ![]() Water will always find its course. |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Cmanforall: 3:58pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
How old are you @Op? |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by teemac01(m): 3:59pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
Alexxx2000:lastly someone asked how old you are in order to give his advice...i know it nobodies business to know that but you can put it a ball pack...eg 20-25... |
| Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Emaprince: 4:00pm On Sep 20, 2022 |
Kobojunkiee:men and women are not the same. Women let emotions control them hence they act the same in this kind of situation. Responsibility and accountability will be thrown out the window. |
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Even a mad person on the street does no harm to his/her offspring more or less a caring father.