₦airaland Forum

DaddyFreeze2020:
You should be thanking God that his character was exposed to you.

Na backhand slaps you for dey receive for your marriage.

Gabless:
I have a mind of my own and I wasn't push by anyone. This guy doesn't stay in Lagos. He stays in osun state. And nobody influence me. I was there when he was comuning with my aunt on phone it wasn't as if she reported him to me. This her his supposed in-law to be. I wasn't happy the way he was arguing with her over money issue at the same time mentioning my mum in his conversation.
I think the mind of my own I need to have was to express my mind to him wish I did and it led to this

Gabless:
I just want to know if it's all my fault.

GboyegaD:
You are the one I should ask if you are ready for marriage. I wonder how you allowed people get into your head. You said he argued with your aunt, and you were pained. Should he keep quiet if he's not okay with whatever the cause of the argument was because he wants a marriage?

I don't even understand how your aunt was pissed that he didn't call to thank her for taking you to the market to buy the engagement clothes. Was he the one who suggested you approach your aunt to help you? If he is not, then he doesn't owe her that obligation. If he chooses to say thank you, so be it and if he doesn't, no big deal.

Lastly, your parent's (mom in particular) reservation indirectly beclouded your thought and you suggesting you put the wedding on hold gave him the opportunity to think through the entire thing. Perhaps, you guys were going on a fast lane and that statement made him think and also, have conversation with his folks who might have felt with this much troubles from external influences before the wedding, he should just save his head.

Like the Yorubas will say, "Oju to ma ba ni kale, kin ti a ti owuro se pin" implying, whatever would last long doesn't stress you from inception. You both are lucky in your ways and you both should see it as each party is right with his/her decision.

I just needed to add this, in your next relationship (whether he comes back or a new relationship), remember you both are the prize and treat each other that way. If he doesn't treat you like a prize or you can't treat him as one, please, be quick to move. Don't be carried away by the people of the world who have no place in your home. Imagine some telling you to do thanksgiving when you were the one who put the wedding on hold should tell you they are like dance instructors who teaches you to dance but will never borrow you their legs to do the dance.

To those quoting me, did you notice the guy's mum didn't bother pacifying her family? Doesn't that speaks volume?

Candidlady:



You rang him back after two weeks for two weeks... good two weeks he didn't call. His mum didn't call.. His siblings didn't call


You had to ring him.. so if he had agreed on pushing through with the wedding you would have said yes


Iswear dawadawa expensive pass you (pissed)


You should be jubilating... get heaven dust, four cans of budweiser, a pack of dunhil and if you can afford captain Morgan... make yourself happy.. heaven just saved/liberated you from a curse

DryMouth:
Na wetin them tell my pretty aunt be this until she turn 42.

It doesn't always work like this in reality

Geoabeeys:
For you to arrive at this, It seems you know the guy personally?

Gabless:
I am 28 years old, a graduate of one of the university in South West. I work as a contract staff in a bank.

[b]I met this guy about a year ago [/b]through my best female friend, and the journey started. I took him to my parents and he also took me to his parents too, and the wedding preparation started.

We were suppose to do family introduction but my parents says there is no need considering some logistic reasons. Although my mum has her reservation concerning him. But since my father has no objection I think am good to go.

He has sent money for some preparation since he is not residing in Lagos. The problem started after I went to idumota with my aunt to buy our engagement clothes. It was my aunt that drove me to the market. When we returned, my fiance called me, we talked for some times, but he couldn't appreciate my aunt for her kind gesture. Although my aunt didn't say anything that day but she wasn't happy. My dad also complained that he has been rude to him. The same goes with my mum.

The last straw that broke the Carmels back was when he was arguing with my aunt over the phone. He did not know I was in my aunt's house that particular day. I wasn't happy at all, thinking that if he would not regard my parents how would he treat me after marriage.

So I confronted him the second day over the phone, telling him that I'm not happy about the way my parents where complaining about him, and that attitude of him is creating fear in me. Instead for him to be a little remoseful and even call those people and apologize, he was arguing with me, still in my aunt's house.

So I told him, maybe we should put the preparation on hold thinking he would at least try and apologize to them. He just said, is that what you want and ended the call.

Everyone was surprised. He didn't call back it was his mum that called my mum, she didn't even persuade them to stop me from taking such step, and the guy too didn't call me for like too weeks until when I called him and he said he wasn't interested in the marriage again.

Actually, I wasn't happy and I have been downcasted since then, but on the other hand, May l ask this question does this guy really loves me?. Is he really mature enough for marriage. Is it all my fault? Please don't insult or abuse me. I just want to know if it's all my fault.

laluski:
My sister, go to church and roll on the floor 21 times to our Lord God Almighty!! You have escaped the clutches of Satan in form of that frog you call a fiancee.. You don't know what God did for you..God loves you..few...very few have escaped what you just escaped..you for see danfo call am coaster bus...you better block and delete him, his family and all that's attached to him.. sorrow and calamity is not your portion...Your husband is close to you..just keep praying..he'll find you soon...

Gabless:
I am 28 years old, a graduate of one of the university in South West. I work as a contract staff in a bank.

I met this guy about a year ago through my best female friend, and the journey started. I took him to my parents and he also took me to his parents too, and the wedding preparation started.

We were suppose to do family introduction but my parents says there is no need considering some logistic reasons. Although my mum has her reservation concerning him. But since my father has no objection I think am good to go.

He has sent money for some preparation since he is not residing in Lagos. The problem started after I went to idumota with my aunt to buy our engagement clothes. It was my aunt that drove me to the market. When we returned, my fiance called me, we talked for some times, but he couldn't appreciate my aunt for her kind gesture. Although my aunt didn't say anything that day but she wasn't happy. My dad also complained that he has been rude to him. The same goes with my mum.

The last straw that broke the Carmels back was when he was arguing with my aunt over the phone. He did not know I was in my aunt's house that particular day. I wasn't happy at all, thinking that if he would not regard my parents how would he treat me after marriage.

So I confronted him the second day over the phone, telling him that I'm not happy about the way my parents where complaining about him, and that attitude of him is creating fear in me. Instead for him to be a little remoseful and even call those people and apologize, he was arguing with me, still in my aunt's house.

So I told him, maybe we should put the preparation on hold thinking he would at least try and apologize to them. He just said, is that what you want and ended the call.

Everyone was surprised. He didn't call back it was his mum that called my mum, she didn't even persuade them to stop me from taking such step, and the guy too didn't call me for like too weeks until when I called him and he said he wasn't interested in the marriage again.

Actually, I wasn't happy and I have been downcasted since then, but on the other hand, May l ask this question does this guy really loves me?. Is he really mature enough for marriage. Is it all my fault? Please don't insult or abuse me. I just want to know if it's all my fault.

Gabless:
I am 28 years old, a graduate of one of the university in South West. I work as a contract staff in a bank.

I met this guy about a year ago through my best female friend, and the journey started. I took him to my parents and he also took me to his parents too, and the wedding preparation started.

We were suppose to do family introduction but my parents says there is no need considering some logistic reasons. Although my mum has her reservation concerning him. But since my father has no objection I think am good to go.

He has sent money for some preparation since he is not residing in Lagos. The problem started after I went to idumota with my aunt to buy our engagement clothes. It was my aunt that drove me to the market. When we returned, my fiance called me, we talked for some times, but he couldn't appreciate my aunt for her kind gesture. Although my aunt didn't say anything that day but she wasn't happy. My dad also complained that he has been rude to him. The same goes with my mum.

The last straw that broke the Carmels back was when he was arguing with my aunt over the phone. He did not know I was in my aunt's house that particular day. I wasn't happy at all, thinking that if he would not regard my parents how would he treat me after marriage.

So I confronted him the second day over the phone, telling him that I'm not happy about the way my parents where complaining about him, and that attitude of him is creating fear in me. Instead for him to be a little remoseful and even call those people and apologize, he was arguing with me, still in my aunt's house.

So I told him, maybe we should put the preparation on hold thinking he would at least try and apologize to them. He just said, is that what you want and ended the call.

Everyone was surprised. He didn't call back it was his mum that called my mum, she didn't even persuade them to stop me from taking such step, and the guy too didn't call me for like too weeks until when I called him and he said he wasn't interested in the marriage again.

Actually, I wasn't happy and I have been downcasted since then, but on the other hand, May l ask this question does this guy really loves me?. Is he really mature enough for marriage. Is it all my fault? Please don't insult or abuse me. I just want to know if it's all my fault.

faithfull18:
So, I am reading comments here from men saying they are doing a woman a favour marrying her and I laugh.

The comments are long and I really don't want to quote anybody.

Ladies, a man should go all out for you, even the men in the Bible did. Little details matter. @OP, but for the distance, I wish you guys were in the same Physical location maybe it could have turned out differently. What would it have cost him to apologise? Does it make him less manly. I doubt the guy was fully committed to marrying you. Guys want good marriages as well as ladies. Nobody is doing anybody a favour marrying anybody if you are a quality person.

As a lady, na them go dey rush you, they just may not be the type of people you want to be in a livelong relationship with due to career, lifestyle, convictions, age, location and a host of other reasons. That's where these men get it wrong, men aren't scarce as they paint it here.

Good, quality, responsible, disciplined and truly godly men are the hard to find ones.

GboyegaD:
At least I am married and so are my siblings and I never witnessed anyone intruding in another's choice of marriage.

If a child is well raised, the parents should be able to respect his/ her judgment of a life partner and reservations would be one that everyone have.

I once dated a lady whose family thinks I'm irresponsible because I wear shorts to their house. The day she mentioned it, I asked her what her judgment is of me because that is what matters.

As for my wife, when the mom asked if I had been married and those funny questions, my response was assertive that she had no obligations to ask me such. If she tags that as been rude for instance, that is her business because I do not owe her that response. I have discussed all my life with the daughter and that is the person I have business with.

Overall, culture sometimes is the challenge and the earlier some people realize not all families subscribe to culture, the better things would be.



I do not subscribe to that. "Oko kin je ti baba ati omo, ko ma ni ala" meaning a farm can't belong to both the father and the son without boundaries.

If you get married, you are starting your family and that doesn't in anyway disregard your family but there are boundaries. I don't have a business in your discussions with your family provided our own family isn't discussed and vice versa.

I could talk to my folks for hours and never will we switch into each other's family. If there's anything we want to share, it should be coming from who wants to share and not some form of intrusion.

Too much wisdom in one comment.

Cc: Ishilove, tell me you don’t feel this reply.

DanielPat01:
I don't but I have seen and know people that behave exactly like him. Even far worse. One gift I have is reading people. I don't need to live with someone for 3 months before I will be able to discern what you are capable of doing.
Seeing you visit someone for just 7 days would make know your basic bad character. From the OP write up statement is truly who the guy is. Even if you ask her now she will confirm.

oldienavie:
@Op, I know this is not a good time for you so I will try and be gentle but at the same time tell you some salient truths.

As it stands today in Nigeria, it is women that are chasing men for marriage, so you have to understand that whether you agree or not, in Nigeria of today, when a man says, he wants to marry a woman, he believes he is doing her a favour, and if she does not relate to him on that frequency, he will behave/react the way your boyfriend behaved.

Your boyfriend thinks you will boss him around, or your family will turn him to a simp if he marries you that is why he ran, I am not saying that is the truth, but as a guy myself, there are some salient things I look for when I am with a lady that I consider redflags, I am not saying you or your family is bossy, but he definitely thinks you will not submit to him, as a lady, you should never tell a man you want to call off a relationship, even if you just meant to scare him use another thing, the moment you mention that, the men of today, will vex and since we get plenty options, it will not cost us anything to move on.

If your man comes back congratulations, but if he doesn't come back, try to protect your man from your family in future, even if your parents are complaining about him, find a way to manage it and do not let him know or do it with wisdom, cos many African men will think you are trying to turn them to a simp and they will not be able to control you when they marry you if you give that kind of impression.

In case you are no longer getting married to the man, I am a single guy myself looking for a wife so just let me know and maybe we can work something out....

Mom007:
Lol.
See someone calling another bitter... You see a woman who God himself saved from an obviously abusive person, you started writing chronicles because the description of the man concerned was too close for comfort abi? Reminded you a little about yourself abi? Mr I'm happily married for 15 yrs... Until we hear from your wife first.
Dear poster, again I congratulate you jare. God will bring the man from whose ribs you were taken and when you do meet him, you will see the difference between gutter and beach!

Amayabor1:
Fools have started castigating the man without hearing his side of the story. In a disagreement between a man and a woman, only a fool will hear the woman's side of the story and run with it. [/b]No comment until I hear the man's side of the story[b].

OP, just an advise. Next time, limit the influence your family members have on your relationship/marriage. All i saw in your write-up were "my daddy" "my mum" "My aunt".

faithfull18:
So, I am reading comments here from men saying they are doing a woman a favour marrying her and I laugh.

The comments are long and I really don't want to quote anybody.

Ladies, a man should go all out for you, even the men in the Bible did. Little details matter. @OP, but for the distance, I wish you guys were in the same Physical location maybe it could have turned out differently. What would it have cost him to apologise? Does it make him less manly. I doubt the guy was fully committed to marrying you. Guys want good marriages as well as ladies. Nobody is doing anybody a favour marrying anybody if you are a quality person.

As a lady, na them go dey rush you, they just may not be the type of people you want to be in a livelong relationship with due to career, lifestyle, convictions, age, location and a host of other reasons. That's where these men get it wrong, men aren't scarce as they paint it here.

Good, quality, responsible, disciplined and truly godly men are the hard to find ones.