₦airaland Forum

abokikhalifa:
At the same time, parents should be there to protect their child, especially if it's a girl. You don't want your daughter marrying a beast na.

The parent played their role well by watching our for their daughter.

The OP would have entered one chance. That guy for turn you into punching bag, you go wash cloth tire for him and is family like say you be slave. So many bad men out there. No capping.

If it really was watching out, they shouldn't have made it far too the point of planning a wedding, my thoughts though.

Yusufisraelj:
Sincerely this too affected me in no small way, currently enjoying my "singlehood". Dealing with an indecisive lady isn't a good thing.

Again, a guy who has problem with everyoneis a red flag.

You will get someone else and perhaps she will also grow from that experience.

I love that man. He is a trophy. I am so raising my boys this way. I will scream it to their hearing you my boys are the prizes. So because he wants to marry you he should crawl before your parents and worship them? You called off the wedding expecting him to drool over you and your family? No way! That guy knows his worth

GboyegaD:
I guess families differ. Everyone of us are married and we all choose our dates with our partners.

Like my dad would say, he is a guest at your wedding because it is your home. If the date you choose don't work, they should communicate back to you a time that works in a respectable manner.

Asking them to wait because of other family engagement could be interpreted as theirs isn't important (which could be seen as been disrespected) but I feel it is because there a gap in communication between the love birds. She should have known the parents might not be comfortable to add that in their plans for the year and communicated that to the guy before now.

Ehen now you are talking @bolded, we also chose ours but that might not be the standard for other families.

From my perspective though, waiting for a few months won't hurt sha.

NoToPile:
Ehen now you are talking @bolded, we also chose ours but that might not be the standard for other families.

From my perspective though, waiting for a few months won't hurt sha.

It wouldn't but you know this thing we call communication is tough. We could be saying the same thing and 10 people will interpret them differently.

Based on your side of the story, the man must appear bad and must be judged as that. But we have not heard the man's side of the story. Who knows who might be right or wrong here? Until we hear from both sides.

faithfull18:
Yes na, is it Abraham, Isaac, Jacob or even Joseph in the new testament we want to talk about biko tell us the place of women.

Those you mentioned are enough. Check the role of women there. I will be good to read the Bible yourself than to be read for by your pastor

GboyegaD:
You will get someone else and perhaps she will also grow from that experience.

Amen ooo my brother.

vickydevoka:
Ladies should learn how to apologise Bcus the find it difficult to do

True, ladies no dey ever apologize. Their head strong.

faithfull18:
So, I am reading comments here from men saying they are doing a woman a favour marrying her and I laugh.

The comments are long and I really don't want to quote anybody.

Ladies, a man should go all out for you, even the men in the Bible did. Little details matter. @OP, but for the distance, I wish you guys were in the same Physical location maybe it could have turned out differently. What would it have cost him to apologise? Does it make him less manly. I doubt the guy was fully committed to marrying you. Guys want good marriages as well as ladies. Nobody is doing anybody a favour marrying anybody if you are a quality person.

As a lady, na them go dey rush you, they just may not be the type of people you want to be in a livelong relationship with due to career, lifestyle, convictions, age, location and a host of other reasons. That's where these men get it wrong, men aren't scarce as they paint it here.

Good, quality, responsible, disciplined and truly godly men are the hard to find ones.

Where are the responsible women?

Men are the prize for your info. If a man don't come to marry you. Depression will set in.

It is not in your hands to be a wife..a man have to make you his wife.

dontrulee:
True, ladies no dey ever apologize. Their head strong.

I swear

kokkubabboni421:
How did you draw this conclusion??
It’s glaring the lady is holding some vital information. Be careful of judging one sided information. All I deduce from the OP, is entitlement. Why is your Aunty so expecting a thank you from your supposed husband to be? Does she want a thank you in cash cuz she perceive he’s rich?? What’s your dad stand in all of this cuz I believe men are more rational in such critical situations. You’re 28, you know now your age reacts to marriage yet this simple excuse is why she asked her man for space. Where you thinking he’d beg you ?? Lots of things don’t line up. Well, no matter what we tell you, your conscience will later tell you how you messed a wonderful journey you never started.

When you met him,
Your aunt wasn’t there , you guys shared golden moments together till he decided
To walk down that aisle even sent Money for some preparation. But your Aunty feels he needs to thank her specially, she’s doing well.

I wish you well, keep the good work on and make sure your next husband husband thanks your aunt well enough before marriage
Love and light

What are you even going on about?

That response was to someone who tried to argue that the boy's rudeness was the fault of an attack from village people.

Your aunt wants to be appreciated? Everybody in your familly seems to be full of themselves.

Is that guy really poor and your familly ver rich..that your people feels that he is very lucky marrying you?

And the women in this thread refused to tell you the truth.

I congratulate that guy for being a man that doesn't take nonsense.

Gabless:
I am 28 years old, a graduate of one of the university in South West. I work as a contract staff in a bank.

I met this guy about a year ago through my best female friend, and the journey started. I took him to my parents and he also took me to his parents too, and the wedding preparation started.

We were suppose to do family introduction but my parents says there is no need considering some logistic reasons. Although my mum has her reservation concerning him. But since my father has no objection I think am good to go.

He has sent money for some preparation since he is not residing in Lagos. The problem started after I went to idumota with my aunt to buy our engagement clothes. It was my aunt that drove me to the market. When we returned, my fiance called me, we talked for some times, but he couldn't appreciate my aunt for her kind gesture. Although my aunt didn't say anything that day but she wasn't happy. My dad also complained that he has been rude to him. The same goes with my mum.

The last straw that broke the Carmels back was when he was arguing with my aunt over the phone. He did not know I was in my aunt's house that particular day. I wasn't happy at all, thinking that if he would not regard my parents how would he treat me after marriage.

So I confronted him the second day over the phone, telling him that I'm not happy about the way my parents where complaining about him, and that attitude of him is creating fear in me. Instead for him to be a little remoseful and even call those people and apologize, he was arguing with me, still in my aunt's house.

So I told him, maybe we should put the preparation on hold thinking he would at least try and apologize to them. He just said, is that what you want and ended the call.

Everyone was surprised. He didn't call back it was his mum that called my mum, she didn't even persuade them to stop me from taking such step, and the guy too didn't call me for like too weeks until when I called him and he said he wasn't interested in the marriage again.

Actually, I wasn't happy and I have been downcasted since then, but on the other hand, May l ask this question does this guy really loves me?. Is he really mature enough for marriage. Is it all my fault? Please don't insult or abuse me. I just want to know if it's all my fault.

This is not the time and age guys beg for marriage.
There's almost nothing a man benefits in marriage these days.
More so, you're 28 and you must have had some past experiences, exes and some significant bodycount.... MAYBE HE FOUND OUT SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR PAST OR SOMEONE TOLD HIM SOME AND HE LOST INTERESTS ALONG THE WAY...
DON'T STRESS YOURSELF...
DON'T BEG HIM...
DON'T PERSUADE HIM BECAUSE, HE ALREADY HAS A BAD REPUTATION WITH YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS... GOING FORWARD WITH HIM IS DANGEROUS AND DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

mariahAngel:
You dodged a bullet dear.
Be thankful.

You people just like FOOLING YOURSELVES.

I'm very happy that most men are becoming smarter and wiser.

There's little or nothing men benefits from marriage these days...
Most girls don't have values again. Before marriage, most of you already have double digits bodycount and will likely still continue to cheat.
All you bring to the table is sex, headache and drama ...

WHY DO YOU THINK A REASONABLE MAN WILL SACRIFICE HIS LIFE, FREEDOM AND FINANCIAL TO A MARRIAGE THAT WON'T REALLY HAD VALUES TO HIS LIFE?

Gabless:
I am 28 years old, a graduate of one of the university in South West. I work as a contract staff in a bank.

I met this guy about a year ago through my best female friend, and the journey started. I took him to my parents and he also took me to his parents too, and the wedding preparation started.

We were suppose to do family introduction but my parents says there is no need considering some logistic reasons. Although my mum has her reservation concerning him. But since my father has no objection I think am good to go.

He has sent money for some preparation since he is not residing in Lagos. The problem started after I went to idumota with my aunt to buy our engagement clothes. It was my aunt that drove me to the market. When we returned, my fiance called me, we talked for some times, but he couldn't appreciate my aunt for her kind gesture. Although my aunt didn't say anything that day but she wasn't happy. My dad also complained that he has been rude to him. The same goes with my mum.

The last straw that broke the Carmels back was when he was arguing with my aunt over the phone. He did not know I was in my aunt's house that particular day. I wasn't happy at all, thinking that if he would not regard my parents how would he treat me after marriage.

So I confronted him the second day over the phone, telling him that I'm not happy about the way my parents where complaining about him, and that attitude of him is creating fear in me. Instead for him to be a little remoseful and even call those people and apologize, he was arguing with me, still in my aunt's house.

So I told him, maybe we should put the preparation on hold thinking he would at least try and apologize to them. He just said, is that what you want and ended the call.

Everyone was surprised. He didn't call back it was his mum that called my mum, she didn't even persuade them to stop me from taking such step, and the guy too didn't call me for like too weeks until when I called him and he said he wasn't interested in the marriage again.

Actually, I wasn't happy and I have been downcasted since then, but on the other hand, May l ask this question does this guy really loves me?. Is he really mature enough for marriage. Is it all my fault? Please don't insult or abuse me. I just want to know if it's all my fault.

Thank God, the preparation of marriage end like that, that means he did not love you or have another partner that he wants marry, so he don't loves you at all, so just relax, keep search, God will find another way out for you.

tunwumi:
Those you mentioned are enough. Check the role of women there. I will be good to read the Bible yourself than to be read for by your pastor

You still made no point. You that read the Bible yourself, that's if you even read it at all, kindly state the role of women na, the question is simple, but you keep going round in circles, smh.

The women of the Bible were well taken care of. What do you have to say about Jacob working for 7years for his father-in-law just so he could be given Rachel.

Counter with facts and figures not emotions.

DaddyFreeze2020:
You should be thanking God that his character was exposed to you.

Na backhand slaps you for dey receive for your marriage.

Pls calm down.. every story has two sides. How sure are we that the guy is not the lucky one to dodge her & her family palava? I have a friend going tru similar experience. This guy is noble, gentle man and loves his fiancé but her family is giving him hell.

Gabless:
I am 28 years old, a graduate of one of the university in South West. I work as a contract staff in a bank.

I met this guy about a year ago through my best female friend, and the journey started. I took him to my parents and he also took me to his parents too, and the wedding preparation started.

We were suppose to do family introduction but my parents says there is no need considering some logistic reasons. Although my mum has her reservation concerning him. But since my father has no objection I think am good to go.

He has sent money for some preparation since he is not residing in Lagos. The problem started after I went to idumota with my aunt to buy our engagement clothes. It was my aunt that drove me to the market. When we returned, my fiance called me, we talked for some times, but he couldn't appreciate my aunt for her kind gesture. Although my aunt didn't say anything that day but she wasn't happy. My dad also complained that he has been rude to him. The same goes with my mum.

The last straw that broke the Carmels back was when he was arguing with my aunt over the phone. He did not know I was in my aunt's house that particular day. I wasn't happy at all, thinking that if he would not regard my parents how would he treat me after marriage.

So I confronted him the second day over the phone, telling him that I'm not happy about the way my parents where complaining about him, and that attitude of him is creating fear in me. Instead for him to be a little remoseful and even call those people and apologize, he was arguing with me, still in my aunt's house.

So I told him, maybe we should put the preparation on hold thinking he would at least try and apologize to them. He just said, is that what you want and ended the call.

Everyone was surprised. He didn't call back it was his mum that called my mum, she didn't even persuade them to stop me from taking such step, and the guy too didn't call me for like too weeks until when I called him and he said he wasn't interested in the marriage again.

Actually, I wasn't happy and I have been downcasted since then, but on the other hand, May l ask this question does this guy really loves me?. Is he really mature enough for marriage. Is it all my fault? Please don't insult or abuse me. I just want to know if it's all my fault.

You meet someone today the next week you start to prepare for wedding...ona dey do sha

laluski:
My sister, go to church and roll on the floor 21 times to our Lord God Almighty!! You have escaped the clutches of Satan in form of that frog you call a fiancee.. You don't know what God did for you..God loves you..few...very few have escaped what you just escaped..you for see danfo call am coaster bus...you better block and delete him, his family and all that's attached to him.. sorrow and calamity is not your portion...Your husband is close to you..just keep praying..he'll find you soon...

na people like ona fall pass

From the look of things na you dey rush the marriage

So If I have some cash I can you as a whole?

faithfull18:
You still made no point. You that read the Bible yourself, that's if you even read it at all, kindly state the role of women na, the question is simple, but you keep going round in circles, smh.

The women of the Bible were well taken care of. What do you have to say about Jacob working for 7years for his father-in-law just so he could be given Rachel.

Counter with facts and figures not emotions.

Alpha Men don’t take bullshit… You aren’t matured for an Alpha man. So go play with a mummy boy..

tunwumi:
So If I have some cash I can you as a whole?

Mtshew, rest.

Gabless:
I am 28 years old, a graduate of one of the university in South West. I work as a contract staff in a bank.

I met this guy about a year ago through my best female friend, and the journey started. I took him to my parents and he also took me to his parents too, and the wedding preparation started.

We were suppose to do family introduction but my parents says there is no need considering some logistic reasons. Although my mum has her reservation concerning him. But since my father has no objection I think am good to go.

He has sent money for some preparation since he is not residing in Lagos. The problem started after I went to idumota with my aunt to buy our engagement clothes. It was my aunt that drove me to the market. When we returned, my fiance called me, we talked for some times, but he couldn't appreciate my aunt for her kind gesture. Although my aunt didn't say anything that day but she wasn't happy. My dad also complained that he has been rude to him. The same goes with my mum.

The last straw that broke the Carmels back was when he was arguing with my aunt over the phone. He did not know I was in my aunt's house that particular day. I wasn't happy at all, thinking that if he would not regard my parents how would he treat me after marriage.

So I confronted him the second day over the phone, telling him that I'm not happy about the way my parents where complaining about him, and that attitude of him is creating fear in me. Instead for him to be a little remoseful and even call those people and apologize, he was arguing with me, still in my aunt's house.

So I told him, maybe we should put the preparation on hold thinking he would at least try and apologize to them. He just said, is that what you want and ended the call.

Everyone was surprised. He didn't call back it was his mum that called my mum, she didn't even persuade them to stop me from taking such step, and the guy too didn't call me for like too weeks until when I called him and he said he wasn't interested in the marriage again.

Actually, I wasn't happy and I have been downcasted since then, but on the other hand, May l ask this question does this guy really loves me?. Is he really mature enough for marriage. Is it all my fault? Please don't insult or abuse me. I just want to know if it's all my fault.

from the account of things you gave, hes not worth it..and hes at fault

but IF WE HEAR THE WHOLE SIDE OF THE STORY, we would understand better....why was he angry with your aunt,? why does your aunt want a thank you to contributing to YOUR MARRIAGE? when your parents say hes been rude to them, what do they mean? I BELEIVE YOUR YOURUBER? african parents/elders have a TRASHY mentality of am older than you, so if i shit in your mouth, swallow it and say thanks....i think your folks feel very entitled...nothing wrong with being entitled but it should not be over...parents want marriage for their children....the fact that his mum called and didnt see the need to address issues says theres somethings your parents did....you know these things and are hiding it...but from the story you gave, hes at fault, though you hid a lot..also your folks feel over entitled, no make village people holl you in the name of its our culture and tradition.

GboyegaD:
You are the one I should ask if you are ready for marriage. I wonder how you allowed people get into your head. You said he argued with your aunt, and you were pained. Should he keep quiet if he's not okay with whatever the cause of the argument was because he wants a marriage?

I don't even understand how your aunt was pissed that he didn't call to thank her for taking you to the market to buy the engagement clothes. Was he the one who suggested you approach your aunt to help you? If he is not, then he doesn't owe her that obligation. If he chooses to say thank you, so be it and if he doesn't, no big deal.

Lastly, your parent's (mom in particular) reservation indirectly beclouded your thought and you suggesting you put the wedding on hold gave him the opportunity to think through the entire thing. Perhaps, you guys were going on a fast lane and that statement made him think and also, have conversation with his folks who might have felt with this much troubles from external influences before the wedding, he should just save his head.

Like the Yorubas will say, "Oju to ma ba ni kale, kin ti a ti owuro se pin" implying, whatever would last long doesn't stress you from inception. You both are lucky in your ways and you both should see it as each party is right with his/her decision.

I just needed to add this, in your next relationship (whether he comes back or a new relationship), remember you both are the prize and treat each other that way. If he doesn't treat you like a prize or you can't treat him as one, please, be quick to move. Don't be carried away by the people of the world who have no place in your home. Imagine some telling you to do thanksgiving when you were the one who put the wedding on hold should tell you they are like dance instructors who teaches you to dance but will never borrow you their legs to do the dance.

To those quoting me, did you notice the guy's mum didn't bother pacifying her family? Doesn't that speaks volume?

is the guy rich and he's family well to do? I think op should answer the question. Then we would tell her where she stands.

Why was your aunt even expecting him to thank her? Did she contribute money to buy some of the engagement items? That's an entitlement mentality.

Your aunt might have even siphoned part of the money meant for the procurement of the items.

Who marriage epp? Men be feeling they're doing you favor by marriage, mtww! I blame some of you women that are desperate about marriage, if you see some of these marriages ehh, like living in bondage, but I wonder what men enjoy making their women a slave in their marriage. Mtww wetin concern me sef

oldienavie:
@Op, I know this is not a good time for you so I will try and be gentle but at the same time tell you some salient truths.

As it stands today in Nigeria, it is women that are chasing men for marriage, so you have to understand that whether you agree or not, in Nigeria of today, when a man says, he wants to marry a woman, he believes he is doing her a favour, and if she does not relate to him on that frequency, he will behave/react the way your boyfriend behaved.

Your boyfriend thinks you will boss him around, or your family will turn him to a simp if he marries you that is why he ran, I am not saying that is the truth, but as a guy myself, there are some salient things I look for when I am with a lady that I consider redflags, I am not saying you or your family is bossy, but he definitely thinks you will not submit to him, as a lady, you should never tell a man you want to call off a relationship, even if you just meant to scare him use another thing, the moment you mention that, the men of today, will vex and since we get plenty options, it will not cost us anything to move on.

If your man comes back congratulations, but if he doesn't come back, try to protect your man from your family in future, even if your parents are complaining about him, find a way to manage it and do not let him know or do it with wisdom, cos many African men will think you are trying to turn them to a simp and they will not be able to control you when they marry you if you give that kind of impression.

In case you are no longer getting married to the man, I am a single guy myself looking for a wife so just let me know and maybe we can work something out....

Wow! You just confirmed that your mother begged your father to marry her. Heard all your sisters are begging men for marriage.
Nairaland is just full of kids.

You or the guy is neither wrong or right in this situation. It was just lack of 2 things in you guys lives. Please this is not all about whether he loves you or not. Am talking out of personal experience.
I can only say that by experience any relationship that lacks deliberate and intentional understanding between the two people with good communication, is heading no where.

Gabless:
I am 28 years old, a graduate of one of the university in South West. I work as a contract staff in a bank.

I met this guy about a year ago through my best female friend, and the journey started. I took him to my parents and he also took me to his parents too, and the wedding preparation started.

We were suppose to do family introduction but my parents says there is no need considering some logistic reasons. Although my mum has her reservation concerning him. But since my father has no objection I think am good to go.

He has sent money for some preparation since he is not residing in Lagos. The problem started after I went to idumota with my aunt to buy our engagement clothes. It was my aunt that drove me to the market. When we returned, my fiance called me, we talked for some times, but he couldn't appreciate my aunt for her kind gesture. Although my aunt didn't say anything that day but she wasn't happy. My dad also complained that he has been rude to him. The same goes with my mum.

The last straw that broke the Carmels back was when he was arguing with my aunt over the phone. He did not know I was in my aunt's house that particular day. I wasn't happy at all, thinking that if he would not regard my parents how would he treat me after marriage.

So I confronted him the second day over the phone, telling him that I'm not happy about the way my parents where complaining about him, and that attitude of him is creating fear in me. Instead for him to be a little remoseful and even call those people and apologize, he was arguing with me, still in my aunt's house.

So I told him, maybe we should put the preparation on hold thinking he would at least try and apologize to them. He just said, is that what you want and ended the call.

Everyone was surprised. He didn't call back it was his mum that called my mum, she didn't even persuade them to stop me from taking such step, and the guy too didn't call me for like too weeks until when I called him and he said he wasn't interested in the marriage again.

Actually, I wasn't happy and I have been downcasted since then, but on the other hand, May l ask this question does this guy really loves me?. Is he really mature enough for marriage. Is it all my fault? Please don't insult or abuse me. I just want to know if it's all my fault.

faithfull18:
So, I am reading comments here from men saying they are doing a woman a favour marrying her and I laugh.

The comments are long and I really don't want to quote anybody.

Ladies, a man should go all out for you, even the men in the Bible did. Little details matter. @OP, but for the distance, I wish you guys were in the same Physical location maybe it could have turned out differently. What would it have cost him to apologise? Does it make him less manly. I doubt the guy was fully committed to marrying you. Guys want good marriages as well as ladies. Nobody is doing anybody a favour marrying anybody if you are a quality person.

As a lady, na them go dey rush you, they just may not be the type of people you want to be in a livelong relationship with due to career, lifestyle, convictions, age, location and a host of other reasons. That's where these men get it wrong, men aren't scarce as they paint it here.

Good, quality, responsible, disciplined and truly godly men are the hard to find ones.

you made some points...but the lady is not be FULLY truthful.....read my earlier suggestion on this page...

his mum called and didnt see the need to adresss the issue..is the guys mum a witch that she doesnt want the guy to marry?

why does the aunt want to be adored for contributing to HER CHILDS MARRIAGE?

when her dad said the guy was rude, what is RUDE?....the mum as well, the aunt etc...the op hide some sensitive information....if what she typed is just what it is..hes at fault...but theres 3 sides to every story..evidently she told us the side that favours her...thats the plain truth..am sure shes Youruber...and lastly african elders have a stwepid mentality, that am older than you so you must take all the shit i gave you....if you also beleive in that idealogy then you dont deserve a good man....its good to be entitiled, but never over entitled her folks are very entitiled...

EmahBoss:
I love that man. He is a trophy. I am so raising my boys this way. I will scream it to their hearing you my boys are the prizes. So because he wants to marry you he should crawl before your parents and worship them? You called off the wedding expecting him to drool over you and your family? No way! That guy knows his worth

Leave that mummy and daddy's girl alone...Marriage is not for infants like her oh. Let her ask her Daddy, Mummy, Uncles and Aunties to hire a husband for her. Since na dem dey tell her wetin she go do to make her life better