This dawadawa got my balls

Candidlady:



You rang him back after two weeks for two weeks... good two weeks he didn't call. His mum didn't call.. His siblings didn't call


You had to ring him.. so if he had agreed on pushing through with the wedding you would have said yes


Iswear dawadawa expensive pass you (pissed)


You should be jubilating... get heaven dust, four cans of budweiser, a pack of dunhil and if you can afford captain Morgan... make yourself happy.. heaven just saved/liberated you from a curse

I have a friend who went through what the man just dodged. The family of the girl are too nosy. They always want to know everything going on. Meanwhile, the girl, as naive as she is, will be relating every info without leaving out any. The Aunt, Mother, Sisters, Father, including friends knows everything going on in her life. They discuss food, clothes, what she does in the day, even sex with her husband, she tells them what the husband said concerning a particular issue which was meant to be private. As I was told, whenever the husband complained, the girl would respond that they love themselves in their family and they can tell themselves everything. Today, the man is tired and as such, does not totally discuss with the girl on issues that are meant to be private. No more heart to heart talk.

For op, it could be that the family of the girl were elaborating the wedding preparation beyond what the guy expected. Perhaps, he will shoulder 90% of the bill. How do you want him to thank your aunt when she is not considerate. May be he is frustrated and just because he started asking questions, they termed as rude. To me, I cannot allow outsiders to dictate my life. When things turn sour, he will be left alone. Try to be private about your life in future.

What really off me from your story is that , I sense entitlement mentality.
How can you put it as a must that your fiance should thank your anty for taking you(Her niece) to buy stuff for your engagement. I use this as a yardstick to other scenario you painted.

GboyegaD:
You are the one I should ask if you are ready for marriage. I wonder how you allowed people get into your head. You said he argued with your aunt, and you were pained. Should he keep quiet if he's not okay with whatever the cause of the argument was because he wants a marriage?

I don't even understand how your aunt was pissed that he didn't call to thank her for taking you to the market to buy the engagement clothes. Was he the one who suggested you approach your aunt to help you? If he is not, then he doesn't owe her that obligation. If he chooses to say thank you, so be it and if he doesn't, no big deal.

Lastly, your parent's (mom in particular) reservation indirectly beclouded your thought and you suggesting you put the wedding on hold gave him the opportunity to think through the entire thing. Perhaps, you guys were going on a fast lane and that statement made him think and also, have conversation with his folks who might have felt with this much troubles from external influences before the wedding, he should just save his head.

Like the Yorubas will say, "Oju to ma ba ni kale, kin ti a ti owuro se pin" implying, whatever would last long doesn't stress you from inception. You both are lucky in your ways and you both should see it as each party is right with his/her decision.

I just needed to add this, in your next relationship (whether he comes back or a new relationship), remember you both are the prize and treat each other that way. If he doesn't treat you like a prize or you can't treat him as one, please, be quick to move. Don't be carried away by the people of the world who have no place in your home. Imagine some telling you to do thanksgiving when you were the one who put the wedding on hold should tell you they are like dance instructors who teaches you to dance but will never borrow you their legs to do the dance.

To those quoting me, did you notice the guy's mum didn't bother pacifying her family? Doesn't that speaks volume?

You just captured my thoughts. It's like being expected to thank the guy's parents for being involved in the forthcoming introduction. Entitlement mentality will always rip Nigerians apart and from my observation, it usually stems from the family giving out a lady. It is very unfortunate.

I beg you in GOD'S name, let's hm go with his madness , don't marry him ,you will suffer in that marriage, .

Many advice here and there... as you mumu reach you carry your personal matter come nairaland.
Some will troll you, some will give you the advice that you seek, some will use you to catch cruise.
I KNOW YOUR HEAD GO DON FULL WITH DEPRESSION RITE NOW..
MY ADVICE THOUGH,NO GO COMMIT SUICIDE OOOO

He is marrying you not your entire family. He doesn’t need to call your Anti, his gratitude should go through you. Relationships should be kept separate from family especially at the earliest stage.

ahnie:
Ekwueme!Ekwueme!!
You're the living God oh
Eze no one like you.


That wasn't just a song,there lies the answers you seeketh.

A quick reminder as a brain teaser,that song up there was sang by osinachi.


We never still solve her case.

This is the answer that you need. It's painful but that's a very clear red flag for you. Start thanking God that you didn't marry him.

truthbetold22:


This is ridiculous. I will summarize as follows.

1-The guy obviously wanted December because that is when most festivities are slated for Especially people who have a lot of family and friends outside the country. If for any reason this December did not work for your family, the onus was on you guys to give him cogent reasons why including naming the events that are so important to your family in December A wedding is a weekend only, not a month.

2- The guy suggested that if the money was the reason for the delay, he could write a check to cover everything. This clearly shows that you guys did not provide any reasonable explanation for not wanting this December. For example, you cannot tell a man that you have a family burial in December and he would still insist on using December.. it is common sense.

3- why all the sensitivity?? The guy get money, is that a sticking point too? He offered to cover your family’s part of the wedding, is that a wrong thing too? Having money comes with a little bit of pride, deal with it. Pride isn’t the same as disrespect.

4- when your sister gets to 30 years now without another suitor, you all will look back at this and wish you handled it better. The sticking point here is that he was never told exactly why December would not work. Your family did not also bother to ask why he really wanted December. Everything na cooperation

5- finally; wether your sister is happy or not, it is no loss to the guy. Your case is exactly like the op, Nigerian families with their over bearing attitude and need for constant validation. Wedding planning should be left to bride and groom. No need for this free for all.

Peace!

Loool seriously @ all the bolded. I do find it strange that some people don't see anything wrong with that guy's actions. He suggested that if money was the delay? Lool, you read he was angry, you are saying he suggested.

Sorry what part of Nigeria are you from? I need to understand the marriage process from your side.

Also he was told by the bride and the brides father that December was not okay and they had lot of activities lined up. Read his other post below

Also wedding planning involved the whole family here in Nigeria.

NoToPile:


Loool seriously @ all the bolded. I do find it strange that some people don't see anything wrong with that guy's actions.

Sorry what part of Nigeria are you from? I need to understand the marriage process from your side.

Also he was told by the bride and the brides father that December was not okay and they had lot of activities lined up. Read his other post below

Also wedding planning involved the whole family here in Nigeria.

The simple question is “what activities?”

When you clarify, it becomes clear. When you are vague, people pick offense. Did you jump the part where I mentioned that the guy would only get upset if he assumed they were needlessly wasting time and not wanting to meet his own schedule? Do you know if December is his most suitable time based on his family too?

He should have been told clearly why December wasn’t feasibly. He is not a mad man and would have understood.

And yes, marriage planning should be left to bride and groom. Nobody says family input isn’t needed but in the two cases on this thread, isn’t it clear that the marriages were ruined due to the over bearing nature of the family of the bride?

GboyegaD:


He was wrong to have said he was going to write a check and it is also obvious himself and your sister were not communicating. They should choose their date and not the other way, but what do I know?

Thank you sir, exactly my point.

EagleNest:


Regardless of whether they all accepted him or not, it is immature to go into stupid argument with your would be inlaws unless they are out to milk you or they are simply useless. But in this case, I think he just failed the very basics, of playing and paying courtesies. You have just spoken with your lady on phone, and on finding out that her aunty was with her, may be a little hello and thanks for helping xyz with shopping today will not do you harm but endear you more to the family - regardless of whether you mean it or not. Play the politics for Christ sake. You are a stranger and you should know that every of your moves or behaviour is monitored and read. Going there and dey show yourself with crass rudeness is recipe for failure. I cannot fault the lady because the bobo failed the basics.

I second some of your points but for some, i disagree. Imagine being milked and your co-operation is still expected? This is why it is very difficult to blame the guy for his reaction.

Gabless:
I am 28 years old, a graduate of one of the university in South West. I work as a contract staff in a bank.

I met this guy about a year ago through my best female friend, and the journey started. I took him to my parents and he also took me to his parents too, and the wedding preparation started.

We were suppose to do family introduction but my parents says there is no need considering some logistic reasons. Although my mum has her reservation concerning him. But since my father has no objection I think am good to go.

He has sent money for some preparation since he is not residing in Lagos. The problem started after I went to idumota with my aunt to buy our engagement clothes. It was my aunt that drove me to the market. When we returned, my fiance called me, we talked for some times, but he couldn't appreciate my aunt for her kind gesture. Although my aunt didn't say anything that day but she wasn't happy. My dad also complained that he has been rude to him. The same goes with my mum.

The last straw that broke the Carmels back was when he was arguing with my aunt over the phone. He did not know I was in my aunt's house that particular day. I wasn't happy at all, thinking that if he would not regard my parents how would he treat me after marriage.

So I confronted him the second day over the phone, telling him that I'm not happy about the way my parents where complaining about him, and that attitude of him is creating fear in me. Instead for him to be a little remoseful and even call those people and apologize, he was arguing with me, still in my aunt's house.

So I told him, maybe we should put the preparation on hold thinking he would at least try and apologize to them. He just said, is that what you want and ended the call.

Everyone was surprised. He didn't call back it was his mum that called my mum, she didn't even persuade them to stop me from taking such step, and the guy too didn't call me for like too weeks until when I called him and he said he wasn't interested in the marriage again.

Actually, I wasn't happy and I have been downcasted since then, but on the other hand, May l ask this question does this guy really loves me?. Is he really mature enough for marriage. Is it all my fault? Please don't insult or abuse me. I just want to know if it's all my fault.

Things like this happen when wedding plans are ongoing, it is normal for tensions to rise. I remember telling my wife we should postpone our wedding when i noticed that it was coming at me too fast and was affecting my psych, but she remained calm and also helped me ease off the tension, the wedding eventually held as planned and I later apologised to her for my actions and inactions. That is exactly what you should have done in this situation. Believe me, you already have a biased mind towards him in an involuntary response to your mom's reservations about him. Back to my experience....My wife's family did all the running around, as per venue, clothes, decor etc, right from introduction to wedding. Mine and my family's part was just to send money when necessary, no one asked for any appreciation, I think your aunt, sorry to say, was a little bit feeling entitled to have some apologies, forgetting that she was also doing it for you.

On his part, no matter what, he should never have gotten into an argument with any of your family members, he should learn to calm his nerves.

Finally, maybe God does not even want the union to happen in the first place. PRAY to God and ask for directions.

Op dey ask for advice but these ones dey talk about another babe failed marriage . Shey life no hard like this

Firstly, I don't think the guy owe your aunt any thanks. I think you should have thank your Aunt on behalf of your guy.

Secondly, you say you and the guy aren't in the same location. Probably he may be facing some challenges that's unknown to you. So I think it's too quick to judge him.

Finally, I think your family is having too much say between you and your guy. Try to work on that in your next relationship

truthbetold22:


The simple question is “what activities?”

When you clarify, it becomes clear. When you are vague, people pick offense. Did you jump the part where I mentioned that the guy would only get upset if he assumed they were needlessly wasting time and not wanting to meet his own schedule? Do you know if December is his most suitable time based on his family too?

He should have been told clearly why December wasn’t feasibly. He is not a mad man and would have understood.

And yes, marriage planning should be left to bride and groom. Nobody says family input isn’t needed but in the two cases on this thread, isn’t it clear that the marriages were ruined due to the over bearing nature of the family of the bride?

They have a lot of family activities and it would be chocked up is not a valid explanation? How clear did you want them to be to start listing activities one by one. Even after his bride and brides father had told him December is not a good time?

I asked you a question you didn't answer because it's very valid in this context, cultural practices in the marriage processes of different tribes differ



Come on the guy is tactless, he too should have been diplomatic. Having money doesn't mean you should lose common sense se,

You didn't answer my question though.
I suspect the lady we are talking about and family are Yoruba, if truly they are then he committed a big offense by that action that sounds simple to you.

Because in Yoruba culture wedding activities are to be taken care of by the brides family from date, location, even down to the money to be spent to host guests the husband might just chip in a little. So you can understand how grave the offence is, it's not about the cheque alone, it's far more than that for the father of the bride, the bride herself and by extension her whole family.


Well as much as I also feel marriage activities should be left to the bride and groom, it's not so here in Naija, the whole family gets involved, one just has to play the cards right as the bride or groom.

Anyone who loves you will respect your people. Simple

This dude is a dunch bag....better u quit

Just be grateful to God.. Be patient your husband will come.

Nwatachoba1:


You are married for 15yrs

Una don come... you talk like someone who isn't married or someone who doesn't want others to marry or probably someone whose husband doesn't have a say in the marriage

Congratulations madam 15yrs of marriage

When u see the truth,speak and stop playing the gender cards or whatever you seem to be doing, if you wish others bad,u definitely will reap from it cause of karma, if you do good, u go recieve the gift... 15yrs of marriage open mouth yarn wetin u yarn,madam go remove ur husband from that bottle wey u put am

Lol. Your pain and frustration is apparent. First you say I'm not married, then you say I'm married for 15yrs, next you say my husband is inside bottle... Maybe the same bottle you kept your wife. Oga, read well to understand before rushing to comment, Mr "I stamped my authority... "
....Aanyway, I think I have passed my message. Continue being all over the place with your confusion.

Odward:
Op dey ask for advice but these ones dey talk about another babe failed marriage . Shey life no hard like this

Shuu let us talk naa

We are just rubbing minds together.

Try return the items you bought from Idunota if they were purchased with his money.

portplus:


I agree with you!

Mom007:

Lol. Your pain and frustration is apparent. First you say I'm not married, then you say I'm married for 15yrs, next you say my husband is inside bottle... Maybe the same bottle you kept your wife. Oga, read well to understand before rushing to comment, Mr "I stamped my authority... "
....Aanyway, I think I have passed my message. Continue being all over the place with your confusion.

Ode wey dey quote

I say u say..mumu

I'm not sure u did comprehensive English language in school..if you did,u just dey embarrass your teacher and parents here

Onye 15yrs, 15yrs in marriage with emptiness of brain to show for it.. your husband must be a man caged somewhere diabolically if not,common English for don break up the marriage

God has saved u or what other way do u want God to help u if not this.?

NoToPile:



Why are you talking as if you don't know families will have to agree on date.

Infact in some families it's the Father of the bride that will choose the date, even the bride and her mum might not have a say in it, it might not sound right but it's Family dynamics.

They said the have plenty events lined up for this year ( which has just 3 months more by the way) that it should be done next year, the guy is writing out cheque loool, did they tell him they don't have money for their daughters wedding. All these stories make me wonder the kind of boys being bred nowadays.

Please don't support this you are a matured person.

I guess families differ. Everyone of us are married and we all choose our dates with our partners.

Like my dad would say, he is a guest at your wedding because it is your home. If the date you choose don't work, they should communicate back to you a time that works in a respectable manner.

Asking them to wait because of other family engagement could be interpreted as theirs isn't important (which could be seen as been disrespected) but I feel it is because there a gap in communication between the love birds. She should have known the parents might not be comfortable to add that in their plans for the year and communicated that to the guy before now.

GboyegaD:


I think the ladies are been emotional as such, don't get offended by their post. I wonder how he waited till this moment though cos I for one cannot. A relationship where you are dating the entire family is gibberish. Parents and family members should learn to stay clear of people's relationships.

Sincerely this too affected me in no small way, currently enjoying my "singlehood". Dealing with an indecisive lady isn't a good thing.

Again, a guy who has problem with everyoneis a red flag.

Let me share this

You may keep seeing a bad sign about someone you have decided to get married to, like a strong family issue, then you run away and say certainly, God is not involved. Well at times. God might be showing you to tell you: "That is why I want you to marry him/her, together you guys will fight and put an end to the negative family trend once and for all.."

And you who is running, is there any family in Africa that does not have its own? Any household? Well, you can count them. If not anger, it will be pride, unnecessary delays, unexplainable poverty, or lust, where it's a norm for the ladies to get pregnant before marriage.

Some, it's drinking, they can drink anything!.. In other households, they lie by default, they are mobile liars, and so on. is it not through coming to the KNOWLEDGE of the Blood of Christ we are exempted? �‍♂️
So where are you running to? For a perfect man? A perfect woman?
Okay, take clay! Take clay and mold one yourself.

Gorgeous Morning
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Nwatachoba1:


Ode wey dey quote

I say u say..mumu

I'm not sure u did comprehensive English language in school..if you did,u just dey embarrass your teacher and parents here

Onye 15yrs, 15yrs in marriage with emptiness of brain to show for it.. your husband must be a man caged somewhere diabolically if not,common English for don break up the marriage

Severe pains. Good. Continue. Your true face is beginning to show. Narcissist scum! Dear poster hope you are taking note.... Beware of those you take advice from on this forum o... Plenty mad people here. This is the type of bullet you dodged when that your ex stopped the wedding. Just go for thanksgiving, keep your head up and continue your life. There are still good husbands out there, you just have to look well before you find them.

wamide042:

They choose a date but the guy was insisting this December whereas my sister already told him that December couldn’t work because we already have this year planned up for other vital occasions only for him to say that if it’s money that he was going to write my Dad a cheque.
That was what angered everyone including my sister too, like do we look like we’re hungry or what… even if you’re Dangote there are things that shouldn’t be said actually my sister has been having mixed feelings about getting married to him in the first place.

Like you said, she's been having a cold feet before now otherwise, there are better ways to communicate the events than saying they are vital occasions as through their wedding doesn't pass for one.

ahnie:
Ekwueme!Ekwueme!!
You're the living God oh
Eze no one like you.


That wasn't just a song,there lies the answers you seeketh.

A quick reminder as a brain teaser,that song up there was sang by osinachi.


We never still solve her case.

I can't stop laughing omoh you are so wise ehn see the way you use humor tell her the truth.
The OP should be thankful that God diverted this heavy bomb from her head some people think it's all about getting married it's not o my sister it's not.

comtem2011:
;DSis!!!! Abeg, it's too early, I wan die for laff here.

Hey God!!!comfort why have you been?
It's bn ages my God.
Wow it's nice seeing you dropping by.

Good morning.