₦airaland Forum

Life2020:
Hi, first I want to thank you all for your advise the last time i was here.

The last time I brought up my problems here, I vented out about how my husband is being a total pain in the ass.

The problem is one, he's cheating on me with several girls and still want to have sex with me but i refused stating that until he does a full STD test we are not having sex, simply put i need to Know that he is STD free before we have sex again.

Two, he's never at home, sometimes for two weeks he stays in hostels with girls, partying and spending his money, at first i tried to understand him because we did marry young, i felt that maybe he misses having his Independence, so at first i said nothing until it got worse. I now feel like a single mom, i do everything, the children don't even know anything about their dad, they see him as a stranger now, he's always cool towards them and i don't like it, have told him several times that i want the children to bound with him, i need them to have a good relationship with their father and have even advised him to take them out, maybe to a theme park or anything really but he has refused stating that he's busy.

Thirdly he body shames me, telling me that i look like a clown, I'm fit, it's not like I'm dirty or anything i take care of myself, i know he's lying because i have admirers, like a lot of them, ever since i started making money and could afford to employ workers, i have done everything to make myself look good, i go to the gym, do facials and i make sure I look beautiful, honestly I don't know what's wrong with him.

I have come to the conclusion that he is only saying it to be mean to me, maybe as a means of control, honestly i think he thinks if he makes me feel less than i am, to make me think i have no where else to go.

Thirdly when we first got married, we both agreed that he will go to the university first then later, i will also attend, after finishing his university education he couldn't find a job so i gave him two of my lands to start a business, he because successful in the business and his now lavishing the money. I have a farming business, it's very successful, with it i have many lands and i built the home me and my husband live in, ever since he started making money i advised him to build his own house but he has refused, instead he bought a fancy car, i want to build an estate so that i can have another source for revenue but for one reason or other, my husband is advising me against it.

Now back to me wanting to attend the university, i want to study accounting so that i can take my business to a new level but my husband has refused saying that he wants more babies, we already have twins (two lovely girls). i told him later, after I finish my university degree and our girls are a little bit older, we will have more kids

Now back to the present day, have decided I'm kicking my husband out. Recently, I noticed he was always at home, I was happy but surprised, I thought he had changed. I decided we need to spend time together as a family, I was even planning on us going on a vacation, give my children a life I wasn't opportune to live, I talked to him about it, we made plans, he agreed to go for a full STD test. I was happy
little did I know that my so called husband has fathered another child outside our marriage, he told me this himself, saying all sorts of nonsense on how I should advise the girl to abort it so that we can be one big happy family, I just looked at him, I haven't said anything to him in days. But I have decided that I'm kicking him out. I want to do this in a way that it doesn't affect my children, I really want them to build a relationship with their dad but as for me I clocked out of this marriage a long time ago.

I was advised by my a friend to make a video while I kick him out but I'm not going to do, he's till the father of my child, and I don't want my children to grow up and find those videos
honestly I just need emotional support while I go through this divorce.

First, I want to appreciate you for not following your friends advice. Please limit how your discuss your personal life issues with your friends. Friends kills faster than enemies. I will advice you to calm down, pray about it and consult elders from your family members, church or mosque. Seek for an elderly advice. In 37years of my life, have learnt not to take decision without consultation.

I wish you all the best.

Helpout12345:
I remember your story then. The elders did not advise you to scatter your marriage then. We told you to insist on STD tests and ensure he is no longer cheating before you continue having unprotected sex with him.

From your new narrative, he had agreed to conduct STD tests, he had come back home. The pregnancy outside is a new thing now.

About the pregnancy, I think that happened before he decided to change and come back home. I want to say it's part of his mistakes while outside.

I know you are hurting to learn about this now but don't take a decision while under anger or emotion.

If he had truly changed from cheating, you people can start rebuilding your home.

The children suffer the most in a broken home. You even have girls. I can tell you most ladies raised by single mothers end up single mothers when they grow up. Think deeply about your children welfare now and in future before you use emotion to scatter your home.

Lastly, be careful of advise you take from your fellow women irrespective of their age or status because most of them will advise from emotional perspective or outrightly lie to you when they advise you.

And what do you think happens to girls who continuously see their mom's abused? Or sons who think that behavior is normal? What type of men/woman do they end up becoming? Have you ever heard of generational curses?

At this point you can divorce your husband. Even God approves of it. That he has told you another woman is pregnant for him is full prove he has committed adultery.

I really do hope u read dis
1st ,I wish we could hear ur husband's part of the story so we could be sure u are 100% telling us the truth cos no one tells a story that nails him/her in a situation like dis . But den ,if all dis are true ,I still felt u need to fight more for the marriage ,ur story shows u both have gone through so many challenges ups and downs together 4rm him schooling inside d relationship to starting a business that is now well productive,it shows u guys have been through a lot together ,u need try visit the love of the past and do not let d present situation overwrite the past
2ndly , U ppl really need to see a marriage councillor ,or ur spiritual leader or anyone u think ur husband respects and obey so much and tender dis to him/her ,. Dey can sit both of u down and it could solve so many things .
3rdly ,. U said he is home of late but someone is pregnant for her already ,. My sister ,that story of the pregnancy might be uses to make him come back to his senses if well managed ,. I really feel u might have some little ego or pride cos u are a boss lady already which u don't know ,pls take cognisance of that

I wish to say many more ,but the fear of u not reading it and making it just end up being an effort in futility will make me stop here ,. If u really want me to continue cos I really have more to say ,just quote me

YeyeBoyfriend:
How about the women on nairaland giving men the enabling environment to ask for sex?

question for the gods.

Jocdon:
So you have been going aroumd having sex with men on nairaland for you to know is only what they can offer

Question for the gods

The problem seems to be a proper lack of communication and mutual interest between the two of you.

Though, we have not heard his side of the story; it seems you don't want the marriage to break because of your children.

My advice is to explore another way of resolving this issues; especially with his family members. Otherwise, it would be wise to just breakup with him for your emotional and physical freedom.

Goodluck

Terror48:
You go collect soon

Collect kee u dia.

Flamemignon1:
Think about this from the perspective of if it was your wife doing these or if it were your sister or daughter going through what she's going through

They never think in that manner. Wishing upon other people what they wouldn't wish on themselves.

Kingcalls:
We are talking about centuries ago and u are talking about recent history

Ok, accepted that wars of recent history have been led by men, list the ones centuries ago, across all continents led by women since that is your excuse.

Raychee:
They never think in that manner. Wishing upon other people what they wouldn't wish on themselves.

Disagree here. Most likely they'd do the same thing if they were in that situation. It's enabling and it's sad that people don't value themselves more.

VULCAN:
It will not take anything from you to just tell him "I'm sorry"

You have been noticed, kindly fvck off.

Life2020:
Hi, first I want to thank you all for your advise the last time i was here.

The last time I brought up my problems here, I vented out about how my husband is being a total pain in the ass.

The problem is one, he's cheating on me with several girls and still want to have sex with me but i refused stating that until he does a full STD test we are not having sex, simply put i need to Know that he is STD free before we have sex again.

Two, he's never at home, sometimes for two weeks he stays in hostels with girls, partying and spending his money, at first i tried to understand him because we did marry young, i felt that maybe he misses having his Independence, so at first i said nothing until it got worse. I now feel like a single mom, i do everything, the children don't even know anything about their dad, they see him as a stranger now, he's always cool towards them and i don't like it, have told him several times that i want the children to bound with him, i need them to have a good relationship with their father and have even advised him to take them out, maybe to a theme park or anything really but he has refused stating that he's busy.

Thirdly he body shames me, telling me that i look like a clown, I'm fit, it's not like I'm dirty or anything i take care of myself, i know he's lying because i have admirers, like a lot of them, ever since i started making money and could afford to employ workers, i have done everything to make myself look good, i go to the gym, do facials and i make sure I look beautiful, honestly I don't know what's wrong with him.

I have come to the conclusion that he is only saying it to be mean to me, maybe as a means of control, honestly i think he thinks if he makes me feel less than i am, to make me think i have no where else to go.

Thirdly when we first got married, we both agreed that he will go to the university first then later, i will also attend, after finishing his university education he couldn't find a job so i gave him two of my lands to start a business, he because successful in the business and his now lavishing the money. I have a farming business, it's very successful, with it i have many lands and i built the home me and my husband live in, ever since he started making money i advised him to build his own house but he has refused, instead he bought a fancy car, i want to build an estate so that i can have another source for revenue but for one reason or other, my husband is advising me against it.

Now back to me wanting to attend the university, i want to study accounting so that i can take my business to a new level but my husband has refused saying that he wants more babies, we already have twins (two lovely girls). i told him later, after I finish my university degree and our girls are a little bit older, we will have more kids

Now back to the present day, have decided I'm kicking my husband out. Recently, I noticed he was always at home, I was happy but surprised, I thought he had changed. I decided we need to spend time together as a family, I was even planning on us going on a vacation, give my children a life I wasn't opportune to live, I talked to him about it, we made plans, he agreed to go for a full STD test. I was happy
little did I know that my so called husband has fathered another child outside our marriage, he told me this himself, saying all sorts of nonsense on how I should advise the girl to abort it so that we can be one big happy family, I just looked at him, I haven't said anything to him in days. But I have decided that I'm kicking him out. I want to do this in a way that it doesn't affect my children, I really want them to build a relationship with their dad but as for me I clocked out of this marriage a long time ago.

I was advised by my a friend to make a video while I kick him out but I'm not going to do, he's till the father of my child, and I don't want my children to grow up and find those videos
honestly I just need emotional support while I go through this divorce.

The thing is whether you kick him out or not, you will always be at the lashing end (the victim). one of the reasons is that you are already made (financially stable). Men will only come to you because of your money. mind u, most of the men your kind of a woman will meet will either be single fathers, hit/eat and run or something like that.
Your children will be affected either directly or indirectly
I'm not supporting your husband but you need to think wisely before taking any step to avoid moving from frying pan to fire.

If this story is true. Hmmm u are power drunk. Ur husband na mumu. Critical examination traces all that's happened to both of u and not ur husband alone. Find a way to work this out, don't leave ur man for another woman. Ur husband needs prayers.

Lol, stray bullet

Shalommy:
question for the gods.

Flamemignon1:
Think about this from the perspective of if it was your wife doing these or if it were your sister or daughter going through what she's going through

We need to tell ourselves the bitter truth, that men and women are not the same and don't face equally same challenges in life.

When matters like this happen, there's no one way fits all in how to handle then. It all depends on the entire unique circumstance.

In this her unique circumstance, I have given her the best advise I will give my blood sister.

Mindlog:
A man's infidelity tends to be spiritualized as a means of absolving him of responsibility for his actions.

What a world we live in.

Life2020:
Hi, first I want to thank you all for your advise the last time i was here.

The last time I brought up my problems here, I vented out about how my husband is being a total pain in the ass.

The problem is one, he's cheating on me with several girls and still want to have sex with me but i refused stating that until he does a full STD test we are not having sex, simply put i need to Know that he is STD free before we have sex again.

Two, he's never at home, sometimes for two weeks he stays in hostels with girls, partying and spending his money, at first i tried to understand him because we did marry young, i felt that maybe he misses having his Independence, so at first i said nothing until it got worse. I now feel like a single mom, i do everything, the children don't even know anything about their dad, they see him as a stranger now, he's always cool towards them and i don't like it, have told him several times that i want the children to bound with him, i need them to have a good relationship with their father and have even advised him to take them out, maybe to a theme park or anything really but he has refused stating that he's busy.

Thirdly he body shames me, telling me that i look like a clown, I'm fit, it's not like I'm dirty or anything i take care of myself, i know he's lying because i have admirers, like a lot of them, ever since i started making money and could afford to employ workers, i have done everything to make myself look good, i go to the gym, do facials and i make sure I look beautiful, honestly I don't know what's wrong with him.

I have come to the conclusion that he is only saying it to be mean to me, maybe as a means of control, honestly i think he thinks if he makes me feel less than i am, to make me think i have no where else to go.

Thirdly when we first got married, we both agreed that he will go to the university first then later, i will also attend, after finishing his university education he couldn't find a job so i gave him two of my lands to start a business, he because successful in the business and his now lavishing the money. I have a farming business, it's very successful, with it i have many lands and i built the home me and my husband live in, ever since he started making money i advised him to build his own house but he has refused, instead he bought a fancy car, i want to build an estate so that i can have another source for revenue but for one reason or other, my husband is advising me against it.

Now back to me wanting to attend the university, i want to study accounting so that i can take my business to a new level but my husband has refused saying that he wants more babies, we already have twins (two lovely girls). i told him later, after I finish my university degree and our girls are a little bit older, we will have more kids

Now back to the present day, have decided I'm kicking my husband out. Recently, I noticed he was always at home, I was happy but surprised, I thought he had changed. I decided we need to spend time together as a family, I was even planning on us going on a vacation, give my children a life I wasn't opportune to live, I talked to him about it, we made plans, he agreed to go for a full STD test. I was happy
little did I know that my so called husband has fathered another child outside our marriage, he told me this himself, saying all sorts of nonsense on how I should advise the girl to abort it so that we can be one big happy family, I just looked at him, I haven't said anything to him in days. But I have decided that I'm kicking him out. I want to do this in a way that it doesn't affect my children, I really want them to build a relationship with their dad but as for me I clocked out of this marriage a long time ago.

I was advised by my a friend to make a video while I kick him out but I'm not going to do, he's till the father of my child, and I don't want my children to grow up and find those videos
honestly I just need emotional support while I go through this divorce.

Why don't you go jump off a bridge you stvpid bitch!

Life2020:
Hi, first I want to thank you all for your advise the last time i was here.

The last time I brought up my problems here, I vented out about how my husband is being a total pain in the ass.

The problem is one, he's cheating on me with several girls and still want to have sex with me but i refused stating that until he does a full STD test we are not having sex, simply put i need to Know that he is STD free before we have sex again.

Two, he's never at home, sometimes for two weeks he stays in hostels with girls, partying and spending his money, at first i tried to understand him because we did marry young, i felt that maybe he misses having his Independence, so at first i said nothing until it got worse. I now feel like a single mom, i do everything, the children don't even know anything about their dad, they see him as a stranger now, he's always cool towards them and i don't like it, have told him several times that i want the children to bound with him, i need them to have a good relationship with their father and have even advised him to take them out, maybe to a theme park or anything really but he has refused stating that he's busy.

Thirdly he body shames me, telling me that i look like a clown, I'm fit, it's not like I'm dirty or anything i take care of myself, i know he's lying because i have admirers, like a lot of them, ever since i started making money and could afford to employ workers, i have done everything to make myself look good, i go to the gym, do facials and i make sure I look beautiful, honestly I don't know what's wrong with him.

I have come to the conclusion that he is only saying it to be mean to me, maybe as a means of control, honestly i think he thinks if he makes me feel less than i am, to make me think i have no where else to go.

Thirdly when we first got married, we both agreed that he will go to the university first then later, i will also attend, after finishing his university education he couldn't find a job so i gave him two of my lands to start a business, he because successful in the business and his now lavishing the money. I have a farming business, it's very successful, with it i have many lands and i built the home me and my husband live in, ever since he started making money i advised him to build his own house but he has refused, instead he bought a fancy car, i want to build an estate so that i can have another source for revenue but for one reason or other, my husband is advising me against it.

Now back to me wanting to attend the university, i want to study accounting so that i can take my business to a new level but my husband has refused saying that he wants more babies, we already have twins (two lovely girls). i told him later, after I finish my university degree and our girls are a little bit older, we will have more kids

Now back to the present day, have decided I'm kicking my husband out. Recently, I noticed he was always at home, I was happy but surprised, I thought he had changed. I decided we need to spend time together as a family, I was even planning on us going on a vacation, give my children a life I wasn't opportune to live, I talked to him about it, we made plans, he agreed to go for a full STD test. I was happy
little did I know that my so called husband has fathered another child outside our marriage, he told me this himself, saying all sorts of nonsense on how I should advise the girl to abort it so that we can be one big happy family, I just looked at him, I haven't said anything to him in days. But I have decided that I'm kicking him out. I want to do this in a way that it doesn't affect my children, I really want them to build a relationship with their dad but as for me I clocked out of this marriage a long time ago.

I was advised by my a friend to make a video while I kick him out but I'm not going to do, he's till the father of my child, and I don't want my children to grow up and find those videos
honestly I just need emotional support while I go through this divorce.

If you're my sister, i'll give you my support �
You have your life to live and children to raise.,
That man will destroy you and your goals if he stil remains in your life.

He can never change

A woman like you is rare., unfortunately for him he is the big loser here.

Go for what makes you happy..Ma'am

I dont think is a good idea at all. all u need to do is to try and make amend also take it to God in prayers

Because em get house

Life2020:
Hi, first I want to thank you all for your advise the last time i was here.

The last time I brought up my problems here, I vented out about how my husband is being a total pain in the ass.

The problem is one, he's cheating on me with several girls and still want to have sex with me but i refused stating that until he does a full STD test we are not having sex, simply put i need to Know that he is STD free before we have sex again.

Two, he's never at home, sometimes for two weeks he stays in hostels with girls, partying and spending his money, at first i tried to understand him because we did marry young, i felt that maybe he misses having his Independence, so at first i said nothing until it got worse. I now feel like a single mom, i do everything, the children don't even know anything about their dad, they see him as a stranger now, he's always cool towards them and i don't like it, have told him several times that i want the children to bound with him, i need them to have a good relationship with their father and have even advised him to take them out, maybe to a theme park or anything really but he has refused stating that he's busy.

Thirdly he body shames me, telling me that i look like a clown, I'm fit, it's not like I'm dirty or anything i take care of myself, i know he's lying because i have admirers, like a lot of them, ever since i started making money and could afford to employ workers, i have done everything to make myself look good, i go to the gym, do facials and i make sure I look beautiful, honestly I don't know what's wrong with him.

I have come to the conclusion that he is only saying it to be mean to me, maybe as a means of control, honestly i think he thinks if he makes me feel less than i am, to make me think i have no where else to go.

Thirdly when we first got married, we both agreed that he will go to the university first then later, i will also attend, after finishing his university education he couldn't find a job so i gave him two of my lands to start a business, he because successful in the business and his now lavishing the money. I have a farming business, it's very successful, with it i have many lands and i built the home me and my husband live in, ever since he started making money i advised him to build his own house but he has refused, instead he bought a fancy car, i want to build an estate so that i can have another source for revenue but for one reason or other, my husband is advising me against it.

Now back to me wanting to attend the university, i want to study accounting so that i can take my business to a new level but my husband has refused saying that he wants more babies, we already have twins (two lovely girls). i told him later, after I finish my university degree and our girls are a little bit older, we will have more kids

Now back to the present day, have decided I'm kicking my husband out. Recently, I noticed he was always at home, I was happy but surprised, I thought he had changed. I decided we need to spend time together as a family, I was even planning on us going on a vacation, give my children a life I wasn't opportune to live, I talked to him about it, we made plans, he agreed to go for a full STD test. I was happy
little did I know that my so called husband has fathered another child outside our marriage, he told me this himself, saying all sorts of nonsense on how I should advise the girl to abort it so that we can be one big happy family, I just looked at him, I haven't said anything to him in days. But I have decided that I'm kicking him out. I want to do this in a way that it doesn't affect my children, I really want them to build a relationship with their dad but as for me I clocked out of this marriage a long time ago.

I was advised by my a friend to make a video while I kick him out but I'm not going to do, he's till the father of my child, and I don't want my children to grow up and find those videos
honestly I just need emotional support while I go through this divorce.

You need to calm down. Many people May advice you kick your husband out of the house but i tell you, you will regret it in the long run. There is no perfect marriage. Am not supporting this man, of cause, he has not fine well for his family but i tell you, there are underlying issues that need to be looked into later.

I will advice you don't just jump into conclusion on this case. A woman under the roof of a legal man is worth tenth of the rich woman Who jump fom one man to another. If you do, the damage done to your family and the Children in particular will be beyond repair. If anyone tell you that you should let go because he impregnated a side chik, tell him, a side chick cannot become a legal wife. Only you can turn the situation to her favour.

Don't make the mistake of raising your beautiful girls alone because no matter how you try, fatherly attention will still be lacking.

Involve Elders in the family, draw a line between your family and any side chick. Go on the holiday, Engage your husband on a serious heart to heart talk. Visit the foundation of your marriage, don't depend on your strenght, pray and commit it to God and God will direct you......pleaase don't throw him out.

Kingcalls:
Everyone knows that a woman's advice is like the devils advice .... u are a terrible human being as known ... always acting on emotion instead of logic....reason y women will never b allowed to rule ...una no just get sense

Pained full, the senseless advices of men plunged this country to where it is today, bunch of daft corrupt fools, the stupid logic you all deceive yourselves of having destroyed everything in this country, e say na allow ode, women will rule you all very soon dolt, you can't stop the inevitable, oaf.

Alusiizizi:
Why don't you go jump off a bridge you stvpid bitch!

Why this

Kelvin3476:
SOO ALL OF U GALS KNWS THAT STAYING IN SOME1S HOUSE REQUIRES HUMBLENESS BT UR CHICKS WOULD WANT TO LIVE ARROGANT LIFE IN A MANS HOUSE. THIS IS THE ACTUAL WORK OF (FEMINISM=DOUBLE STANDARD, WEAKNESS AND SELFISHNESS)

CRY MORE.

Gandrova:
My mother is another olosho that has been spotted. Don't mind my mother the public toilet advicing to get another man. The devil you know it better than the angel you don't know. Go and report him to his family. You don't need another man in your life now.

Fixed.

Shalommy:
Chaii.. Maybe that man is a nairalander. They have nothing to offer than sex.

Humans dey talk, rotten fish smelly kpekus dey yarn...

IjeBos:
And what do you think happens to girls who continuously see their mom's abused? Or sons who think that behavior is normal? What type of men/woman do they end up becoming? Have you ever heard of generational curses?

There's no single sweet marriage that doesn't have fights, misunderstanding, challenges. When those fights, misunderstanding happen, the father and mother must not expose their children to it. Keep it away from them.

Of course, it will send bad messages to the children.

I see some women that will purposefully sit their children down and be talking down on their husbands and vice versa whether in marriage or in divorce.

If adults in a marriage understand that they must keep their children out of their marriage challenges, there will be nothing that will affect the children psychology.

This is why in some countries, if children protection services learned that parents fight in front of their children, they can take the children away from the parents.

Life2020:
U are very wise
I thought about that and I have made up my mind that I'm not going to marry again, at least not till my girls are grown up.
I have heard stories about girls being sexually abused or even physical abused, I don't want my girls to grow up in that type of environment.
I might have a few date here and there but let's see because my girls will always be first.
Honestly I want to hear his side of the story because I'm honestly curious to hear his own side of the story.

ur sanity is important. Don't stay in an environment that is destructive to ur progresss and peace after trying all u can.

Jovialjune1:
Pained full, the senseless advices of men plunged this country to where it is today, bunch of daft corrupt fools, the stupid logic you all deceive yourselves of having destroyed everything in this country, e say na allow ode, women will rule you all very soon dolt, you can't stop the inevitable, oaf.

Chai... everyone in Nigeria is angry. Pleaase calm down.

Jovialjune1:
Fixed.

Truth is bitter! Chronic spinster

manchester4lyf:
I really do hope u read dis
1st ,I wish we could hear ur husband's part of the story so we could be sure u are 100% telling us the truth cos no one tells a story that nails him/her in a situation like dis . But den ,if all dis are true ,I still felt u need to fight more for the marriage ,ur story shows u both have gone through so many challenges ups and downs together 4rm him schooling inside d relationship to starting a business that is now well productive,it shows u guys have been through a lot together ,u need try visit the love of the past and do not let d present situation overwrite the past
2ndly , U ppl really need to see a marriage councillor ,or ur spiritual leader or anyone u think ur husband respects and obey so much and tender dis to him/her ,. Dey can sit both of u down and it could solve so many things .
3rdly ,. U said he is home of late but someone is pregnant for her already ,. My sister ,that story of the pregnancy might be uses to make him come back to his senses if well managed ,. I really feel u might have some little ego or pride cos u are a boss lady already which u don't know ,pls take cognisance of that

I wish to say many more ,but the fear of u not reading it and making it just end up being an effort in futility will make me stop here ,. If u really want me to continue cos I really have more to say ,just quote me

You are dayong the truth...pleaase continue, shei will rwas it.