₦airaland Forum

Jovialjune1:


Not anger, just trying to express myself.

Shut up and express ya yansh there

Gawd!!! This life ain't really balanced mehn!!!
See the kinda woman some men are praying for!!!!

Life2020:
U are very wise
I thought about that and I have made up my mind that I'm not going to marry again, at least not till my girls are grown up.
I have heard stories about girls being sexually abused or even physical abused, I don't want my girls to grow up in that type of environment.
I might have a few date here and there but let's see because my girls will always be first.
Honestly I want to hear his side of the story because I'm honestly curious to hear his own side of the story.

See I'm not gonna be among those or with you in support of kicking him out or whatever and make no mistakes,I hate the kinda man he is cos I know that type of abusive and damaging man and the very bad effects they can have on their kids.
However my own concern is for those kids first then you. Whatever you do,make sure the kids will be somewhere else and not know what's happening lest they remember it and make sure you got some sort of security around whenever you take that action,shikena.

Very bad move,as you don divorce your husband,na who go come shine your congo for you?

VeryWickedGoat:
1. You be worwor mgbeke
2. Thought you women claim to be good advisers?
3. You need a big prick to calm you down this period

DM me.

You are a foolish goat. She deserves better

Richy4:
Wetin sweet me well well for the whole gist na I want to build an Estate aspect...
Who says Nigerians no get money even after covid...Carry go dear

Dude, no be only Osborne estate be estate ooo.
Even 5 million can build estate

Helpout12345:
We need to tell ourselves the bitter truth, that men and women are not the same and don't face equally same challenges in life.

When matters like this happen, there's no one way fits all in how to handle then. It all depends on the entire unique circumstance.

In this her unique circumstance, I have given her the best advise I will give my blood sister.

And if it were your wife in her husband's shoes and you in her shoes?

Life2020:
Omo, he didn't change, it's all pretence
I have made my decision and about me being a single mom, I'm used to it, what part of he is never around don't u get.
So because he came and spend little time with his own children, i should forgive him.
Some people are even advising me to pay the side chick off, for what. Please I'm not that desperate for a man.

My children don't even no him, they barely see him, for the past 6 years I have been alone, I can't remember the last time I felt loved in this marriage. I just want him to be present for his children, I don't know if I can get that in court, I'm down for shared custody, or multiple visitation dates.

I can't continue to beg for a man affection, I don't want my daughters to think this is how a woman should be treated.
I need to set an example for them, I love my children, if he had been present for them, maybe I would have changed my mind and not divorce him for the sake of my children but nop he's never there.
What ever he wants to do with his side chick pregnancy is his business.
If he wants to marry her, I will happy support the marriage like I said I clocked out of this marriage Months ago

Begging a man for affection, some people are saying I should check myself, I really need to check myself for tolerating him.

Why did you bring your issue to Nairaland of all places? Most people here are inexperienced in issues like this. All their experience is around boyfriend/girlfriend, highest fiance/fiancee. Most of them are childish in their reasoning. Your issue is simly bigger than them.
My own opinion is that, you are the one in the mess, you are the one that is in that predicament and you are the only one that can figure out what you want for your life and children. If you want to kick that basterd out of your house, I support you 100%. I am a man myself but I will never tolerate such nonsense coming from a fellow married man to his wife and children. A lot of men pray to have such a supportive and financially independent wife like you but the basterd doesn't realize what treasure he has in you his wife. Most of the guys on Nairaland see women or wives as liability and you seek advice from such people? They will add more burden of emotional trauma to your baggage. Please call his family together and let them know you can't continue enduring the monster they pushed to you, you are not a psychiatric nurse neither your house a rehab centre. Kick his promiscous ass out before he stains your innocent girls mindset with his dirty lifestyle.

Utespy:
Wahala.
I wish all you wrote is true. If yes, then move on.
I would have advised you to make amendments, but with another child from a woman outside is a NO.

Move on dear. Enjoy life while it lasts.

OP no take this advice. If this person was in your shoe, she wouldn't

kernniejay:
Why did you bring your issue to Nairaland of all places? Most people here are inexperienced in issues like this. All their experience is around boyfriend/girlfriend, highest fiance/fiancee. Most of them are childish in their reasoning. Your issue is simly bigger than them.
My own opinion is that, you are the one in the mess, you are the one that is in that predicament and you are the only one that can figure out what you want for your life and children. If you want to kick that basterd out of your house, I support you 100%. I am a man myself but I will never tolerate such nonsense coming from a fellow married man to his wife and children. A lot of men pray to have such a supportive and financially independent wife like you but the basterd doesn't realize what treasure he has in you his wife. Most of the guys on Nairaland see women or wives as liability and you seek advice from such people? They will add more burden of emotional trauma to your baggage. Please call his family together and let them know you can't continue enduring the monster they pushed to you, you are not a psychiatric nurse neither your house a rehab centre. Kick his promiscous ass out before he stains your innocent girls mindset with his dirty lifestyle.

Shut up your mouth jare

Wawelexy:
Make we hear your husband story too.....

You said you both got married at a tender age? Did you inherit those properties you claim to have, abi which kind work you dey do before you marry your husband...

That nigga got into that marriage because of your money.... If you kick him out, another nigga will come in and cash out massively... so pick your poison wisely

Exactly

Life2020:
Hi, first I want to thank you all for your advise the last time i was here.

The last time I brought up my problems here, I vented out about how my husband is being a total pain in the ass.

The problem is one, he's cheating on me with several girls and still want to have sex with me but i refused stating that until he does a full STD test we are not having sex, simply put i need to Know that he is STD free before we have sex again.

Two, he's never at home, sometimes for two weeks he stays in hostels with girls, partying and spending his money, at first i tried to understand him because we did marry young, i felt that maybe he misses having his Independence, so at first i said nothing until it got worse. I now feel like a single mom, i do everything, the children don't even know anything about their dad, they see him as a stranger now, he's always cool towards them and i don't like it, have told him several times that i want the children to bound with him, i need them to have a good relationship with their father and have even advised him to take them out, maybe to a theme park or anything really but he has refused stating that he's busy.

Thirdly he body shames me, telling me that i look like a clown, I'm fit, it's not like I'm dirty or anything i take care of myself, i know he's lying because i have admirers, like a lot of them, ever since i started making money and could afford to employ workers, i have done everything to make myself look good, i go to the gym, do facials and i make sure I look beautiful, honestly I don't know what's wrong with him.

I have come to the conclusion that he is only saying it to be mean to me, maybe as a means of control, honestly i think he thinks if he makes me feel less than i am, to make me think i have no where else to go.

Thirdly when we first got married, we both agreed that he will go to the university first then later, i will also attend, after finishing his university education he couldn't find a job so i gave him two of my lands to start a business, he because successful in the business and his now lavishing the money. I have a farming business, it's very successful, with it i have many lands and i built the home me and my husband live in, ever since he started making money i advised him to build his own house but he has refused, instead he bought a fancy car, i want to build an estate so that i can have another source for revenue but for one reason or other, my husband is advising me against it.

Now back to me wanting to attend the university, i want to study accounting so that i can take my business to a new level but my husband has refused saying that he wants more babies, we already have twins (two lovely girls). i told him later, after I finish my university degree and our girls are a little bit older, we will have more kids

Now back to the present day, have decided I'm kicking my husband out. Recently, I noticed he was always at home, I was happy but surprised, I thought he had changed. I decided we need to spend time together as a family, I was even planning on us going on a vacation, give my children a life I wasn't opportune to live, I talked to him about it, we made plans, he agreed to go for a full STD test. I was happy
little did I know that my so called husband has fathered another child outside our marriage, he told me this himself, saying all sorts of nonsense on how I should advise the girl to abort it so that we can be one big happy family, I just looked at him, I haven't said anything to him in days. But I have decided that I'm kicking him out. I want to do this in a way that it doesn't affect my children, I really want them to build a relationship with their dad but as for me I clocked out of this marriage a long time ago.

I was advised by my a friend to make a video while I kick him out but I'm not going to do, he's till the father of my child, and I don't want my children to grow up and find those videos
honestly I just need emotional support while I go through this divorce.

The friend that advised you to make a video is a bad friend. Same person will snatch your husband if opportune to.

You look industrious. Which is a good thing. Instead of divorce, why not separate for a while. A year or 2. Then if you still want to divorce afterwards, you can proceed.

May God guide you through. Curious to know how you made it via agriculture. A discussion for another day.

Life2020:
Hi, first I want to thank you all for your advise the last time i was here.

The last time I brought up my problems here, I vented out about how my husband is being a total pain in the ass.

The problem is one, he's cheating on me with several girls and still want to have sex with me but i refused stating that until he does a full STD test we are not having sex, simply put i need to Know that he is STD free before we have sex again.

Two, he's never at home, sometimes for two weeks he stays in hostels with girls, partying and spending his money, at first i tried to understand him because we did marry young, i felt that maybe he misses having his Independence, so at first i said nothing until it got worse. I now feel like a single mom, i do everything, the children don't even know anything about their dad, they see him as a stranger now, he's always cool towards them and i don't like it, have told him several times that i want the children to bound with him, i need them to have a good relationship with their father and have even advised him to take them out, maybe to a theme park or anything really but he has refused stating that he's busy.

Thirdly he body shames me, telling me that i look like a clown, I'm fit, it's not like I'm dirty or anything i take care of myself, i know he's lying because i have admirers, like a lot of them, ever since i started making money and could afford to employ workers, i have done everything to make myself look good, i go to the gym, do facials and i make sure I look beautiful, honestly I don't know what's wrong with him.

I have come to the conclusion that he is only saying it to be mean to me, maybe as a means of control, honestly i think he thinks if he makes me feel less than i am, to make me think i have no where else to go.

Thirdly when we first got married, we both agreed that he will go to the university first then later, i will also attend, after finishing his university education he couldn't find a job so i gave him two of my lands to start a business, he because successful in the business and his now lavishing the money. I have a farming business, it's very successful, with it i have many lands and i built the home me and my husband live in, ever since he started making money i advised him to build his own house but he has refused, instead he bought a fancy car, i want to build an estate so that i can have another source for revenue but for one reason or other, my husband is advising me against it.

Now back to me wanting to attend the university, i want to study accounting so that i can take my business to a new level but my husband has refused saying that he wants more babies, we already have twins (two lovely girls). i told him later, after I finish my university degree and our girls are a little bit older, we will have more kids

Now back to the present day, have decided I'm kicking my husband out. Recently, I noticed he was always at home, I was happy but surprised, I thought he had changed. I decided we need to spend time together as a family, I was even planning on us going on a vacation, give my children a life I wasn't opportune to live, I talked to him about it, we made plans, he agreed to go for a full STD test. I was happy
little did I know that my so called husband has fathered another child outside our marriage, he told me this himself, saying all sorts of nonsense on how I should advise the girl to abort it so that we can be one big happy family, I just looked at him, I haven't said anything to him in days. But I have decided that I'm kicking him out. I want to do this in a way that it doesn't affect my children, I really want them to build a relationship with their dad but as for me I clocked out of this marriage a long time ago.

I was advised by my a friend to make a video while I kick him out but I'm not going to do, he's till the father of my child, and I don't want my children to grow up and find those videos
honestly I just need emotional support while I go through this divorce.

Please bring your husband here we need to hear his side story abeg cos I cannot judge one side.

I know women well, when you guys start making money you intend to act bossy ur case maybe the same... I said may.....
Meanwhile keep listening your friends..

9ja083:
Would you have said this if it was the wife that has been a serial cheat and got pregnant for another man while legally married to her husband?

Yes ooo ;Dthat can actually be what has happened unknowingly to us

VeryWickedGoat:
1. You be worwor mgbeke
2. Thought you women claim to be good advisers?
3. You need a big prick to calm you down this period

DM me.

Another person wife

Blessedmercy8:
So you're still there risking rape?

You're still living with someone who goes about sleeping raw with dirty girls and impregnating them? Stay there and be risking your life until he forces himself on you.

Don't kick him out cos he will always come looking for you since he knows the place. Just go and rent a place outside where he can't find you and abandon him for life.

so she should leave d house she built wt her own sweat to a useless pig,impsbl,afta thrwg him out madam go get gate guard anytm he coms madam shd be notified cos court jdgmt might b dat he shd alws be allowd to see his chldrn n cater 4 dem.so dy wld knw he's jst visitg

There must be his side of explaining his behaviors...
Else he only needs to find himself and purpose - You allowed him to wander in the earlier stages and he has not had his fill of the feeling and enjoyment.

2. Op didn't say no to having more babies...but rather wait, lemmie graduate (Op, as a married woman you can school with baby na, though not easy)
If truly that's his reason, you two just didn't talk bout things well/enough.
But, what's the point having more kids, as he's not bonding with those he's already blessed with, just for someone else to be the one taking them to school, checking homework etc while also working just like he is. It's not easy o - or it's just classic case of tying the woman down with children angle sympathy/feelings?

If that's the case - I support your wanting to wait.

Why create more societal problems with these emotionally damaged children we keep producing FOR SELFISH REASONS without both parents commitment to upbring properly.
3. A prodigal child/man coming home sober, pretending to have changed just to prepare ground to drop the issue of another woman's child/pregnancy! - kids do that after getting in trouble especially after being warned severally
4. Being someone who preferred beatings to hurtful words/attitude while growing up, AM SURPRISED MOST PEOPLE SAY HE'S NOT BEATING YOU (and reason you should stay) - I SEE THE EMOTIONAL BEATINGS (talk downs, body shaming) AND NON-SUPPORT. (your biz dreams, investments, education and raising the kids)
5. I see no problem with your marriage.
You don't communicate properly anymore. Not talks at, use pleas, persuasions....
TALK ABOUT YOUR TOLERANCE, but not as a dictator o - You allowed him cross many lines that you should have let him know you won't tolerate at dating stages of your relationship.
Agree to more kids - only if he'll be there for the kid and you.
Most importantly keep your sanity - Jesus had died for all, needless you die for anyone again.

Erums:
Shut up your mouth jare

One Nairaland's empty barrel spotted.

I'm not that pretty good in advicing married people since I'm not yet married but you lost me the moment you said a friend advised you to make a video while chasing your husband out... Then you don't have good friends around you. My 2%

PlayMaker14:
If I get you correctly, you said you need emotional support as you chase the father of your beautiful kids out of the house....

Alright, we will give you all the emotional support you need dear.

Private chat me . He needs a brain reset

PlayMaker14:
I say we go give her the emotional support na....

Lol

Life2020:
I can't kick him out of a house I built with my own money, a land I brought in my own name

And please am a dark beauty, thank u very much
Hope u have a nice day

You are a wonderful woman. You married a big fool.

He is a foolish man.
You deserve better.

Shalommy:
Question for the gods

That's what you have being going around doing, when will be my turn?

Jovialjune1:
Oh so now I'm the emotional one? Who insulted who first?

hi hello , hope you have a wonderful day , your comments here are pretty intense I’ve noticed

TheSourcerer:
hi hello , hope you have a wonderful day , your comments here are pretty intense I’ve noticed

Hello
Okay

Jovialjune1:
Hello
Okay

you keep doing you

TheSourcerer:
you keep doing you

Thank you

You too, I follow your threads.

Jovialjune1:
Thank you

You too, I follow your threads.

Thank you June , thanks for been awesome.

Life2020:
I can't kick him out of a house I built with my own money, a land I brought in my own name

And please am a dark beauty, thank u very much
Hope u have a nice day

Kick him out fast!!! He is ungreatful and he's also not adding anything to you so why carry load

If it had been a man that posted this all me. Would have been expressly supporting him but since it's a woman she gets insults