Top of the day nairalanders.

I need advice from mature and married people on this issue. Anyone that have been following me for a while can relate with few things have brought here concerning my marriage.
I and my wife had a serious issues recently and i sent her out of my apartment, i descover she was having emotional affair with a random guy which i found out. Though she apologize but i struggle to let go cos i felt heartbroken and betrayal. I never expected she could go that route even though out union hasn't been that joyous or peaceful either. When i sent her away then, she took all her loads to the parlour cos we leave in a big flat. We stop sharing room together ever since then and also she stop doing any wify duty for me.
The problem is that, she works with the nigeria correctional services and ever since she has gotten the job, she has change totally. The job is stressing her alot that she doesn't have time for the family, the worst part is that the salary she earns is low that she spend all on transportation without any leftover. I have complain about this but she told me to be patient with her that things will get better saying the job is a federal job and have a future to behold. I kept ingnoring and managing things like that which wasnt easy for me as a man. We live in lagos and she spend close tk 4 hours go and from work daily. Attimes she won't be able to do her wify responsibility. Now becos of the issue we had together recently, my wife had made attempt to leave the home and rent an apartment in her working place to live there just ro reduce stress on her.. In as much as i know it was my fault that made her to take such drastic decision, i am not ready to let her go cos i don't want to leave seperately with my family. She is ok with the move but i am not, cos i dont have that confidence in her again what she might be doing by the time she start living alone. Now i cant relocate with them to the place cos my work is closer to when we stay presently and the environment is better than staying in barracks. Also the place we live presently is very economical cos we pay very low house rent dues to family connection which has help us to save and not paying rent at the moment. Now i dont know what to do whether to allow my wife go with my kids to stay at her working place while i stay where we are now presently. I can imagine myself living like a bachelor while am married.she agree i will be coming to visit them but we all know its not easy to meet up attimes. Now pls i need advice if i should let her go, or stay . Although we have settle our issues but she still insist she wants to go.

This is complicated, have you guys reconciled? Has your wife changed from her wayward lifestyle?

This is strategic decision, you need to think deeply about whether to continue with her because she has made up her own mind and there's nothing you can do now.

"I and my wife had a serious issues recently and i sent her out of my apartment"........one of the key reasons she want a move aside the transport costs......it is still "your apartment", not her home.

Bringing my apoti kulosa

That marriage has K Leg.

You said the marriage has not been peaceful, it's no wonder she wants to run away and even sort solace from another man.

Her job is not the issue, both of you need to address the issue in your marriage first.

If the issue is addressed, quiting her job won't be a big deal to her, she could even do it willingly just to be close to you.

Who no like peace? If the marriage dey peaceful and sweet, why she go dey run?

Sort out your issues, even if it's through counselling.

Find an alternative for her to do, it could be opening a business of her choice or helping her get another job.

All the best.

Yes as at now, we have reconcile but she still insist she want to relocate to the barracks where she works due to the stress she go through daily transporting herself to work and also the money she spent on tfare. She spend all her salary on tfare . If she goes, it will affect the marriage cos i dont want my family to leave apart cos this is like creating an avenue for infidelity and temptations. I told her to resign and look for another job within our proximity but she said getting another job wont be easy due to unemployment and also she cant get a job compare to the federal govt job she has now. Even business she is not convinced doing cos she had done business before that folded up before getting this job. I just want to know if it will be easy to run the family while we live apart. Couples that leave apart, pls i need your input and how you all manage to run your home living apart.

God1000:
This is complicated, have you guys reconciled? Has your wife changed from her wayward lifestyle?

This is strategic decision, you need to think deeply about whether to continue with her because she has made up her own mind and there's nothing you can do now.

I found it weird you're still calling a promiscuous woman you caught cheating "my wife"

The reason why i did that was because of the infidelity which brought my anger. There is no man on earth that will see his wife relating with another man and wont be angry. I did that out of anger but we have settle and have also forgiven her cos of my two kids.

Mindlog:
"I and my wife had a serious issues recently and i sent her out of my apartment"........one of the key reasons she want a move aside the transport costs......it is still "your apartment", not her home.

It was an emotional cheating that have not lead to anything sexual and this was the first time she did such a thing and her reason was that i pushed her to do such cos i wasnt given her enough thing which made her to seek attention elsewhere. Though she was still wrong but she acknowledge her wrong and i gave her a second chance

Zonefree:
I found it weird you're still calling a promiscuous woman you caught cheating "my wife"

Well every marriage has its own issues and ours wasn't left out. The major reason for the lack of peace is due to her character of not respecting me and also reporting every of our issues to third party. The issue has been addressed but she still insist she wants to leave and me am not ready to relocate to the baracks where she works. I have my own work to and where we live now is closer to my working place . During the time we had issue, she already collected a loan from coporative to foot the house rent she just collected and its already late for her to turn back cos she has already paid for the house

Romanoff:
That marriage has K Leg.

You said the marriage has not been peaceful, it's no wonder she wants to run away and even sort solace from another man.

Her job is not the issue, both of you need to address the issue in your marriage first.

If the issue is addressed, quiting her job won't be a big deal to her, she could even do it willingly just to be close to you.

Who no like peace? If the marriage dey peaceful and sweet, why she go dey run?

Sort out your issues, even if it's through counselling.

Find an alternative for her to do, it could be opening a business of her choice or helping her get another job.

All the best.

Afodot0022:
It was an emotional cheating that have not lead to anything sexual and this was the first time she did such a thing and her reason was that i pushed her to do such cos i wasnt given her enough thing which made her to seek attention elsewhere. Though she was still wrong but she acknowledge her wrong and i gave her a second chance

You got yourself a manipulative wife. A woman who can't chest her actions rather she's blaming you for her cheating nature.

If you like give her all the attention in this world, a woman that wants to cheat will always cheat.

So you know, a cheat is a cheat, it doesn't matter if it's emotional, sexual or physical.

Pls i need more input from married people that might have had such issues bfore or that are living seperately as a couple . How do you guys cope as couple while not living together. Am thinking of giving this a try as every move has been abortive to stop this.

Yes i appreciate your input. As i said, the only reason why i gave her a second chance was because of my kids. Dont want to raise them with parents living apart. They are girls and you know what this can do to them. But as it is now, i dont have any choice that to let her go maybe she will learn her lesson in a bad way. Wouldn't have had issues in her relocating but because i dont have confidence or trust in her again, i don't know what she might be capable of doing when she gets to her new location. A woman that can cheat under her husband nose can do same while she is alone. She wants me to relocate with them but i dont think that is a good idea.I dont know whether to quite the marriage and move on or just keep managing the situation because of my two girls. There is tendency when she leaves, we gonna drift apart cos i dont see the reason of the marriage again while living apart

Zonefree:

You got yourself a manipulative wife. A woman who can't chest her actions rather she's blaming you for her cheating nature.

If you like give her all the attention in this world, a woman that wants to cheat will always cheat.

So you know, a cheat is a cheat, it doesn't matter if it's emotional, sexual or physical.

Afodot0022:
Yes i appreciate your input. As i said, the only reason why i gave her a second chance was because of my kids. Dont want to raise them with parents living apart. They are girls and you know what this can do to them. But as it is now, i dont have any choice that to let her go maybe she will learn her lesson in a bad way. Wouldn't have had issues in her relocating but because i dont have confidence or trust in her again, i don't know what she might be capable of doing when she gets to her new location. A woman that can cheat under her husband nose can do same while she is alone. She wants me to relocate with them but i dont think that is a good idea.I dont know whether to quite the marriage and move on or just keep managing the situation because of my two girls. There is tendency when she leaves, we gonna drift apart cos i dont see the reason of the marriage again while living apart

I love that you're open for advise.

You don't be with a woman out of pity. As long as the person she cheated with you emotionally is still alive, there's a high tendency she'll cheat sexually with same person.

Women hardly change, they only get wiser and more careful. Her first action of being more careful is to relocate.

She agree i will be coming to visit them but we all know its not easy to meet up attimes

She didn't even suggest to be coming to visit you. She no rate you again.

If you like,try to destroy this marriage you hear na you and your conscience go chestam.

Zonefree:

You got yourself a manipulative wife. A woman who can't chest her actions rather she's blaming you for her cheating nature.

If you like give her all the attention in this world, a woman that wants to cheat will always cheat.

So you know, a cheat is a cheat, it doesn't matter if it's emotional, sexual or physical.

ahnie:
If you like,try to destroy this marriage you hear na you and your conscience go chestam.

I wasn't the one that cheated on the husband.

This op has issues,it's very obvious that not only is he manipulative,he's also authoritative and abusive

Zonefree:

I wasn't the one that cheated on the husband.

Your utterances n advices are way above rooftop suggesting towards the direction of divorce.

That's my point zonnie.

ahnie:

Your utterances n advices are way above rooftop suggesting towards the direction of divorce.

That's my point zonnie.

The Holy Book supports divorce for infidelity. Are you now wiser and smarter than the Holy Book?

ahnie:
This op has issues,it's very obvious that not only is he manipulive,he's also authoritative and abusive

A man that got cheated on is now manipulative, authoritative and abusive? Isoko Amaka, purge yourself of this silliness abeg!

Table your concerns and how you intend helping to ease her stress. If the accommodation is free, then let her sleep over there twice a week. She could go Monday come back on Tuesday and do the same on Wednesday. She could take a day or every other Friday. It will reduce much of the physical and financial stress.
I wouldn't encourage you move apartment since you think you live in a good environment to raise your kids and it is also economical Horace, so talking about the names of your workplace to your home. Don't make yourself look like a nag.
Once this aspect is settled, address the fundamental issues you have. Trying to understand what it means for a marriage not to be joyous and peaceful. In sure if you both are not threatened economically, you can work out reasonable solutions that will keep your bond very strong.

ahnie:

Your utterances n advices are way above rooftop suggesting towards the direction of divorce.

That's my point zonnie.

He would be forming as if has a PhD knowledge of what constitutes a woman but las, las the woman/women he will end up to be her/their baby daddy go run am street.

Zonefree:

A man that got cheated on is now manipulative, authoritative and abusive? Isoko Amaka, purge yourself of this silliness abeg!

Igbo amaka,I m not justifying the wife cheating,you just have to hear from boths side.you re far too well lettered to be taking sides by listening to the man only.

The man is portraying himself like **saint sabastain of basilica**
I still stand on my word that....he's a manipulative freak,an authoritative entity.

Back to you zonnie,the advises you're coining to him ain't right.

Zonefree:

The Holy Book supports divorce for infidelity. Are you now wiser and smarter than the Holy Book?

What if the man is lying against the wife?
The way you peeps online upturn biblical excerpts eeh,na kobojunkie fit you.

Mindlog:


He would be forming as if has a PhD knowledge of what constitutes a woman but las, las the woman/women he will end up to be her/their baby daddy go run am street.

D guy just tire me.
He's aiding the op towards divorcing his wife.

ahnie:

Igbo amaka,I m not justifying the wife cheating,you just have to hear from boths side.you re far too well lettered to be taking sides by listening to the man only.

The man is portraying himself like **saint sabastain of basilica**
I still stand on my word that....he's a manipulative freak,an authoritative entity.

Back to you zonnie,the advises you're coining to him ain't right.

Married Nigerian women have done more evil than this, why should I wait to hear the woman's side of the story?

The man never claimed to be a saint. His only offense is accepting and still living with a woman he caught cheating.

Ahnie, no sane man should seek marital advise from a woman. You ladies here have proved that already.

Zonefree:

Married Nigerian women have done more evil than this, why should I wait to hear the woman's side of the story?

The man never claimed to be a saint. He's only offense is accepting and still living with a woman he caught cheating.

Ahnie, no sane man should seek marital advise from a woman. You ladies here have proved that already.

Udo nwannem.
Marriage no be **, Boyfriend n girlfriend thingy o

Well thanks for your input aswell. But i will tell you that you cant just judge who i am from your other side cos you dont have any clue of who i am. I only seek for advice on the issue i listed and not to condemn my personality.

ahnie:
This op has issues,it's very obvious that not only is he manipulive,he's also authoritative and abusive

ahnie:

Udo nwannem.
Marriage no be **, Boyfriend n girlfriend thingy o

It's even more righteous to forgive a cheating Boyfriend or Girlfriend than to forgive a cheating wife.

U are just very stupid and foolish. The way he is talking, person go think say na saint. I pray ppl give ur wife bad advice to dump u fully and divorce u once u make a little mistake. See dis evil demonic being pushing a man to divorce his wife with 2 kids. Did he tell u he caught her cheating? Did she sleep with d man? Did he tell u d contents of the chat? D man even explained dat she didn’t cheat sexually, u are still pushing him to divorce her. Na ur wife? U re very stupid. I pray ppl scatter your marriage for u. Useless being.

Zonefree:

A man that got cheated on is now manipulative, authoritative and abusive? Isoko Amaka, purge yourself of this silliness abeg!

U are just very stupid and foolish. The way he is talking, person go think say na saint. I pray ppl give ur wife bad advice to dump u fully and divorce u once u make a little mistake. See dis evil demonic being pushing a man to divorce his wife with 2 kids. Did he tell u he caught her cheating? Did she sleep with d man? Did he tell u d contents of the chat? D man even explained dat she didn’t cheat sexually, u are still pushing him to divorce her. Na ur wife? U re very stupid. I pray ppl scatter your marriage for u. Useless being

Zonefree:

A man that got cheated on is now manipulative, authoritative and abusive? Isoko Amaka, purge yourself of this silliness abeg!

U are just very stupid and foolish. The way he is talking, person go think say na saint. I pray ppl give ur wife bad advice to dump u fully and divorce u once u make a little mistake. See dis evil demonic being pushing a man to divorce his wife with 2 kids. Did he tell u he caught her cheating? Did she sleep with d man? Did he tell u d contents of the chat? D man even explained dat she didn’t cheat sexually, u are still pushing him to divorce her. Na ur wife? U re very stupid. I pray ppl scatter your marriage for u. Useless

Zonefree:

A man that got cheated on is now manipulative, authoritative and abusive? Isoko Amaka, purge yourself of this silliness abeg!