₦airaland Forum

pocohantas:
It is because she can’t keep her mouth closed. When her and her husband decided to sell all their properties leaving only 300k to start a business and survive in current Nigeria, did they tell her aged mum? Moving back to her family house is just t bring finish for herself and her husband.

you won't blame them, you'll think they were talking to a normal human being (no offense intended) the mum is supposed to know the situation on ground. I don't know how some people think but I pray the op's husband gets a job fast so she can move out of that house quickly

Kdsml:
Merry xmas every1. Hope you all are having a great night. I nid advice pls

I am married with a kid, my husband traveled out of the country for a greener pasture, I moved out of our rented house and relocated back to my mom's place.

We had sold our properties for 300k he told me he doesn't know how long it will take him to get a job in the new country and I should use the 300k to start up a business so i will be able to take care of our daughter until he will be stable in the new country.

I have decided to start selling foodstuffs in the front of the house and i will use the remaining money for my daughter school fees in January.

My mom asked me to borrow her 120k to pay for my brother school fee and i refused explaining to her why i can't give her the money and she has been giving attitudes and refused to speak to me, i went to the market today i bought xmas clothes for my daughter and a wrapper for my mom she rejected it.

I know she is doing all this for me to give her the money but i will not give it to her no matter what. I don't understand why she is angry when she knows that my husband is not around i should use the money wisely because if i am broke i have no one else to help me.

Am i wrong for refusing to help her?

/

Apparently you have nobody to help you.

If you blow this little opportunity, those you think you are helping will be the first to stab you in the back.

Under no circumstances, even if the heavens are falling, should you give out (even as a loan), any part of your money to anyone in this your situation. Doing so is a financial suicide. Even the gods will not forgive you.

NB: This is a lesson for others. Don't get married first, have kid(s) and then start looking for stability in life. Your husband did things in reverse.
/

Your mom needs the N120k for her son, you need the N120k for yourself and your daughter. Both of you are being good mother's.
May the best Mom win

Amayabor1:
Go and force the 120k out of her hand to pay the school fees.

Clown!

She shouldn’t help her brother . Case closed

Kdsml:
Ok

Please don't fall for that cheap blackmail.
Your brother is not your responsibility.
Your daughter is.
After taking care of your mom and making sure she is relatively stable, focus on you and your kid please.
Haba! Aren't they aware of the circumstances concerning why you even moved back home?

pocohantas:
Well said! If you stay with your parents, know that the only thing you might save is RENT. You would contribute heavily to recurring expenses and any issue that comes up. With her description of her husband’s travel and the amount realised from sales of their property - I can already conclude he didn’t travel the right way. If I were her, na my in-law place I for go. Except if they are troublesome sha.

See finish will come up and they might turn her to a slave.

Kdsml:
Merry xmas every1. Hope you all are having a great night. I nid advice pls

I am married with a kid, my husband traveled out of the country for a greener pasture, I moved out of our rented house and relocated back to my mom's place.

We had sold our properties for 300k he told me he doesn't know how long it will take him to get a job in the new country and I should use the 300k to start up a business so i will be able to take care of our daughter until he will be stable in the new country.

I have decided to start selling foodstuffs in the front of the house and i will use the remaining money for my daughter school fees in January.

My mom asked me to borrow her 120k to pay for my brother school fee and i refused explaining to her why i can't give her the money and she has been giving attitudes and refused to speak to me, i went to the market today i bought xmas clothes for my daughter and a wrapper for my mom she rejected it.

I know she is doing all this for me to give her the money but i will not give it to her no matter what. I don't understand why she is angry when she knows that my husband is not around i should use the money wisely because if i am broke i have no one else to help me.

Am i wrong for refusing to help her?

you are very right, start up the business as soon as possible, if you raise small money, rent a room and stay away from your mum, she will letter appreciate you

Kdsml
Before you married, what were you doing?
Why must you rely 100% on what your husband owned ? That’s topic for another day sha,


Your daughter should be your priority, but you should also note that helping and sacrificing for your brother is not bad too. I know you’re in a dilemma , but sooner or later, you’ll find yourself at your brother’s mercy and trust me , men usually don’t forget good deeds.




You’re living with them, I know that no matter how little, you’re contributing to the house need, but in this case, you’ve made a mistake for letting her to know you have money , and trust me, if you don’t give her that money ,

1. She will hate you deeply
2. It will create enmity between you and your brother .
3. If things go south for you God forbid, they will do the same to you .
4. At some point in life, your daughter might need your brother’s help and he won’t do it too.
5. The situation can make your brother hate your daughter so much and trust me ehn, you won’t want that .

Although they’re not entitled to your money o, but at some point , I’m sure your brother and mother have made sacrifice for you too and if they’ve not , in the nearest future they will ..
Nairalanders will not be there when you’re having problems with your family . Some advice Dey sweet for mouth , but in reality, e go cause problem .



If I were you
I will split the money into 3.

I’ll give my brother like 80k
I’ll pay my daughter school fee.
I will set up business with whatever is left.




God go open road for your hubby , all these will become story .
My advice to you ,
Don’t ever disclose your financial information to anyone again.
When your business starts booming, pack out.








I have an uncle , some years ago he had money , he lost his business and had misunderstanding with his wife, she packed out with the kids ,
Weeks ago, he had hernia surgery, only his mom, father and brother were with him. They couldn’t leave him cos of family bond .

So sometimes , our priorities might not be there for us during tribulations.

May God bless our mothers.

They're good at manipulating us emotionally to do their biddings. When you later realize, You'll assume wether you were sleeping to have fell for it

Kdsml:
Pls I only have one responsibility which is my daughter ,my brother is not my responsible he is 24 old enough to hustle like his fellow mates

Indeed he is old enough... Life throws whatever it does and we must pick it up from there. Do not be blackmailed into parting with that money. I'm married and understand your position.

I started hustling and working since I was 16 and properly properly at 18... Your bro is old enough.

Kdsml:
Merry xmas every1. Hope you all are having a great night. I nid advice pls

I am married with a kid, my husband traveled out of the country for a greener pasture, I moved out of our rented house and relocated back to my mom's place.

We had sold our properties for 300k he told me he doesn't know how long it will take him to get a job in the new country and I should use the 300k to start up a business so i will be able to take care of our daughter until he will be stable in the new country.

I have decided to start selling foodstuffs in the front of the house and i will use the remaining money for my daughter school fees in January.

My mom asked me to borrow her 120k to pay for my brother school fee and i refused explaining to her why i can't give her the money and she has been giving attitudes and refused to speak to me, i went to the market today i bought xmas clothes for my daughter and a wrapper for my mom she rejected it.

I know she is doing all this for me to give her the money but i will not give it to her no matter what. I don't understand why she is angry when she knows that my husband is not around i should use the money wisely because if i am broke i have no one else to help me.

Am i wrong for refusing to help her?

As a good mother I don't think she'll borrow to ruin your business.

Kdsml:
Merry xmas every1. Hope you all are having a great night. I nid advice pls

I am married with a kid, my husband traveled out of the country for a greener pasture, I moved out of our rented house and relocated back to my mom's place.

We had sold our properties for 300k he told me he doesn't know how long it will take him to get a job in the new country and I should use the 300k to start up a business so i will be able to take care of our daughter until he will be stable in the new country.

I have decided to start selling foodstuffs in the front of the house and i will use the remaining money for my daughter school fees in January.

My mom asked me to borrow her 120k to pay for my brother school fee and i refused explaining to her why i can't give her the money and she has been giving attitudes and refused to speak to me, i went to the market today i bought xmas clothes for my daughter and a wrapper for my mom she rejected it.

I know she is doing all this for me to give her the money but i will not give it to her no matter what. I don't understand why she is angry when she knows that my husband is not around i should use the money wisely because if i am broke i have no one else to help me.

Am i wrong for refusing to help her?

my sister, you are very very right o! If you cannot dash your mum that money, don't give her because she will never pay back

Weirdcamila:
Don’t worry , in 5 years time you will understand better.
Good luck

Leave story for story tellers, best he can get is good advice and he carries on? Wetin me wey come train myself for sch go come talk? Even as a last born, I kill my elderly ones? I still contribute when needed to any cause sef!

What plans did she have to get the money before you mentioned you had money. Once you dip your hands to spend on something without returns, the money is good as gone.

RZArecta:
you won't blame them, you'll think they were talking to a normal human being (no offense intended) the mum is supposed to know the situation on ground. I don't know how some people think but I pray the op's husband gets a job fast so she can move out of that house quickly

I won't be surprised if he's an illegal immigrant.

He would face 2 challenges: the police and exploitation.

Don't give her the money for the sake of ur daughter. And what if the money wasn't available with u, won't she look for it elsewhere ?

Kdsml:
Merry xmas every1. Hope you all are having a great night. I nid advice pls

I am married with a kid, my husband traveled out of the country for a greener pasture, I moved out of our rented house and relocated back to my mom's place.

We had sold our properties for 300k he told me he doesn't know how long it will take him to get a job in the new country and I should use the 300k to start up a business so i will be able to take care of our daughter until he will be stable in the new country.

I have decided to start selling foodstuffs in the front of the house and i will use the remaining money for my daughter school fees in January.

My mom asked me to borrow her 120k to pay for my brother school fee and i refused explaining to her why i can't give her the money and she has been giving attitudes and refused to speak to me, i went to the market today i bought xmas clothes for my daughter and a wrapper for my mom she rejected it.

I know she is doing all this for me to give her the money but i will not give it to her no matter what. I don't understand why she is angry when she knows that my husband is not around i should use the money wisely because if i am broke i have no one else to help me.

Am i wrong for refusing to help her?

You're doing the right thing....she should transfer your brother to a Les costly school

Oracleee:
Most of the folks here are telling you not to mind your mum. Watch how you create if not an everlasting enemity between yourself and your brother. Even your mum won't be able to bridge the gap. Family is everything. Your brother might be desperate for the money. If you are to get an house rent won't you path with close to the amount and this is your blood brother we are talking about here.[/b] My sister once choosed her husband before me years ago and till today I still carry the grudge.[b] Don't create an enemity, cut your budget cost for the business and help your brother even if not everything. Las Las that your hubby might loose guard you,. The 300k might finish or get stolen but the people you have are everything.

I feel you bruh
You know how mom can be... She will never return the money. The lady clearly need the money for her own family... Not that she did not care about her mom or brother but she av her own family too. What is she suppose to do if it don't work out? Crying to the mom? In that same house the little brother that she gave that money may be the one to shut her up later.
@bolded
You got to let go
You can't expect her to choose you instead of her husband lol you will do dsame too

Maybe something is wrong with me ... I'm not with the majority.

I'm not saying you shouldn't help with your brother's school fees ... if you can ... but that's not your responsibility.... it's the responsibility of his parents ... your mother and father. If your mom doesn't have it... the person she needs to be asking is your father. Where is your father?... why is he not in this picture when he should be in front and center of all this? Where is he? Your father is the head of the family and he should be the one responsible for his son ... not you .. the sibling. Also... your brother is 24 ... even without fees to pay ... as a young man he should be off the entitlement wagon and be earning money on his own at this age. End of Part One .... the foundation... now let's build on this.

Part Two. When a man takes a wife ... he has moved himself away from his family and she from her family.... and like in Part One... he now is responsible for his family. If he planned on traveling... then he was supposed to ensure that his family is taken care of. If you were to be moved out of the rented house and back to family ... it had to be his family... not yours. Why are you not with his family? You ought not to be moving back to your mother's house.... especially for the reason given. What arrangement or agreement did you make with her? From the day you got married ... you are basically not a member of that household ... your rights are in wherever your husband house you. To be back in your mother's house under this circumstance is back as a tenant ... not family member. Like you rightly said... your responsibility is your daughter ... not your brother ... because you are a tenant.... nothing else should concern you in the household. Tenants pay rent.... are you paying? Then you open shop in front of the premises. Are you paying rent for that? Your mother has a right to demand money from you.... how can you be doing all this for free?... and flexing muscle? You either pay up... or move out before she kicks you out... and she will not be wrong. Why not move to your in laws?... where you should be. As in Part One... so shall it be in Part Two..... your husband is responsible for the welfare of his family .... not your mother. You have no rights in your mother's house .... abide by the rules .... pay up ...or move out.

We need to start discussing the entitlement mentality of Nigerian parents.

Rechargeam247:
What plans did she have to get the money before you mentioned you had money. [/b]Once you dip your hands to spend on something without returns, the money is good as gone[b].

@bolded
That's just the fact

Kdsml:
Merry xmas every1. Hope you all are having a great night. I nid advice pls

I am married with a kid, my husband traveled out of the country for a greener pasture, I moved out of our rented house and relocated back to my mom's place.

We had sold our properties for 300k he told me he doesn't know how long it will take him to get a job in the new country and I should use the 300k to start up a business so i will be able to take care of our daughter until he will be stable in the new country.

I have decided to start selling foodstuffs in the front of the house and i will use the remaining money for my daughter school fees in January.

My mom asked me to borrow her 120k to pay for my brother school fee and i refused explaining to her why i can't give her the money and she has been giving attitudes and refused to speak to me, i went to the market today i bought xmas clothes for my daughter and a wrapper for my mom she rejected it.

I know she is doing all this for me to give her the money but i will not give it to her no matter what. I don't understand why she is angry when she knows that my husband is not around i should use the money wisely because if i am broke i have no one else to help me.

Am i wrong for refusing to help her?

people's first mistake is to always tell other everything. She knows you have 300k. That's the Cruz of the problem. But don't bulge... Your husband needs peace to survive. Don't let him worry about home while he's managing

You made a mistake, going back to live with your mom.

Women's relationship improve when they aren't under the same roof.

Weirdcamila:
She shouldn’t help her brother . Case closed

You can go help her brother since she has made it clear she doesn't have enough currently to help him.

Weirdcamila:
Don’t worry , in 5 years time you will understand better.
Good luck

So if she no drop money, the brother no go fir go school?

pocohantas:
Well said! If you stay with your parents, know that the only thing you might save is RENT. You would contribute heavily to recurring expenses and any issue that comes up. With her description of her husband’s travel and the amount realised from sales of their property - I can already conclude he didn’t travel the right way. If I were her, na my in-law place I for go. Except if they are troublesome sha.

You’re 100% on point .

What people don’t understand is that living with your folks is x20 more expensive than living alone.

If op was living alone, things like this would not have happened . She also made mistake of disclosing her finance to her mum.
And I’ll not advice her to go to her in-law cos see finish fit Dey and na that one go worst .


To avoid trouble, she should pay her daughter school fees, give her brother his school fees or part, then start business with whatever is left. The whole money self is not enough for correct business in Nigeria, and if she go lose the money , she will regret it especially if her mom later gets alternative to pay her brother school fee.

And I believe that if her brother was in her position , her mom would do the same too.
When business starts booming, she should pack out to a cheap apartment.

It’s a dilemma situation sha.

This is a very serious issue. If u were not staying with your mom now or u didn't mention the money to them it would have been a different case. What about ur dad is he late? And is it just u and your brother your mom have? Also did he just get admission to school? For those of u saying at 24 he should be able to hustle and provide for himself, what work can he do without certificate that will provide the 120k he needs for the school fees. At least if u are giving advice also give us the solution. That money is going to make a lot of people enemies in that house whether u give it or u don't that is why making your mom aware of the money was a very big mistake.

My problem with this kind of lending is that it will never be repaid.

And the borrowers are usually manipulative narcissists with a sense of entitlement.


Auntie, ignore your mom. She go use her hand take her medicine.

Kdsml:
Merry xmas every1. Hope you all are having a great night. I nid advice pls

I am married with a kid, my husband traveled out of the country for a greener pasture, I moved out of our rented house and relocated back to my mom's place.

We had sold our properties for 300k he told me he doesn't know how long it will take him to get a job in the new country and I should use the 300k to start up a business so i will be able to take care of our daughter until he will be stable in the new country.

I have decided to start selling foodstuffs in the front of the house and i will use the remaining money for my daughter school fees in January.

My mom asked me to borrow her 120k to pay for my brother school fee and i refused explaining to her why i can't give her the money and she has been giving attitudes and refused to speak to me, i went to the market today i bought xmas clothes for my daughter and a wrapper for my mom she rejected it.

I know she is doing all this for me to give her the money but i will not give it to her no matter what. I don't understand why she is angry when she knows that my husband is not around i should use the money wisely because if i am broke i have no one else to help me.

Am i wrong for refusing to help her?

Some elder brothers or sisters who stopped their own schooling so their siblings can become graduates, I wonder what u want those ones to do. Your child is Ur priority but the education of Ur brother is a priority over that of Ur child. If u no get shishi, u can still home school Ur child.

That Ur brother that u are asking to go n hustle, maybe Na him go Kuku train that Ur child.

Only God knows how much Ur mother spent on Ur own schooling. What about Ur wedding n those times u were sick or d day she made sure u ate even if she didn't? You think your mother is angry because of Ur 120k? it's Ur ungrateful n selfishness that is paining her.

because u don gather 300k n even dey stay for her house join, u believe d Money will not finish.

If u people HV deeper family issues, let us know. But for this case on ground, work out a solution with her even if u won't give d entire amount.

Kdsml:
Pls I only have one responsibility which is my daughter ,my brother is not my responsible he is 24 old enough to hustle like his fellow mates

I know things are difficult now & the pressure is much on u, but u need to be very careful. I think u are going about this the wrong way, the help u may get from this same brother tomorrow, u won't get it from your daughter, I'm talking from a real life experience. My advice to u is this, do not put this in a quarrel way, see how u can compromise a little & let ur mom understand the situation.

For she to house u & ur child bespeaks she is a good mother. If ur daughter school fees is for example 120k, see how u can squeeze out around 20k from her fees & business and give it to ur mother, let it be that at least u made effort, do not ignore her plea & put this in a quarrel way. U will need the help of ur brother & mom tomorrow, believe me. & if u are not very Careful with how u handle this, ur brother will never forget.

kafeii123:
You're doing the right thing....she should transfer your brother to a Les costly school

lol, as if the brother is in secondary school

Since you (women) can't control your tongue. How did she know you have 300k?.
these laws are for you.
LAW 3: CONCEAL YOUR INTENTION.
LAW 4: ALWAYS SAY LESS THAN NECCESSARY.
anyway, give your mom the money(120k) because she has done something greater than this in your life.