What’s the name of the church?

What’s the name of the pastor

How old are you ?

How old is his daughter

How old is your daughter .

How long is this marriage

What is he doing for a living

What’s his location

Where’s your location

Where’s the church located and where pastor living

Is the pastor married .. with kids ?

Where’s his parents and where are you sibling?

If you really need help answer this questions.. you might mention names of people involved.. but just answer with smartness

Make we k ow say you dey serious

sisisioge:
Orisirisi! Simple matter being complicated by you. Who are the people you were talking to when there was someone or some set of people who planned or arranged the marriage in the first place? Madam, if the child were yours, you would be letting her go without feeding her sometimes? Hian!

1. Tell your pastor what is happening, let them talk to you and the husband together. They are your best bet for some sanity.

2. Agree that he buys the foodstuff and everything you need in the house going forward. You just cook and settle small bills in the house.

3. Let him give his daughter pocket money directly so she can manage her own finances by herself.

4. Never ever let a child go hungry under your roof biko and try to talk to her. Be transparent and allow her the grace to manage her own funds too. It teaches children the value of money.

5. Get proper family planning. This cannot be over stressed and it's free.

If the marriage isn't working after all this....happily take a hike biko and hold the arrangers responsible by making sure the contribute to the children's upkeep from time to time. Good luck.

I am sure that the pastor presided over that man's first marriage and knows how and when it ended. Telling him what is happening is like telling Buhari there's fuel queue and lack of cash in this Nigeria.

As for the man's daughter, let the man cook and feed her directly since anything the OP does is never good enough for the daughter. That daughter sees the OP as an interloper and someone that made her dad's marriage to her mom to crash. If you like sit her down from dusk till dawn and explain away, e no go matter. She has made up her mind to hate and to be disruptive. It doesn't matter how much the poster is willing to sacrifice for her to the detriment of her health and sanity.

As for the poster, you are not valued or respected in the house. Do everything possible to carry yourself and go. And like others said, the whole thing is your fault cos you no be goat they used rope to lead into marriage.

A wise man once told me "if you don't make use of your head, someone else will make use of it on your behalf"

God cannot give you a second hand husband, see where "my pastor said" has landed you...

You staying in that marriage is a disaster, you going back to your parents you become a liability to them...

gasparpisciotta:
■ Marriages like this they tire person. Why can’t you go to that your Pastor and relay all these issues to him, he might need to invite your husband for amicable way out of your present predicament. At least he needs to improve on his family support arrangement and caution his daughter from making things uneasy for you.
■And if things don’t improve get family members involved. I am anti separation but it doesn’t mean you have to suffer endlessly. Try all available avenues to bring him to a round table discussion before you take any extreme measure. My sister, are you ibo?

1. Yeah,OP! Since na pastor join una together, make you go meet pastor make him resolve your issues.

2. Oh, so what pastor has joined together, let no man put asunder?

yrhuhfy113:
■ I CAN PAY YOU 100K to slap the useless pastor for me. KAI.... so you are going through all these and THE PASTOR is not intervening anymore? This is sad. As for this marriage, you need a break, you need to vanish from the house and let the girl take care of her father. So you can have your peace.
■Save enough money before you return home.... let your husband beg with a written agreement before you return home.... get a lawyer on standby before you return home. Its well. You just have to be strong enough to make hard but needed choices.

1. Slap the pastor for the OP's decision to listen to and marry a man recommended to her by a third-party(the pastor) without properly vetting him for herself before taking the plunge?

2. Save money? I get the idea that what OP is trying to tell us is that without her husband, she is practically helpless to do much for herself. I wait to be proven wrong.

Makakween:
The pastor has stopped picking my calls but is still in communication with my husband, he even told me nobody can separate us except the pastor,I have left him for God to judge he obviously did it because of money only God knows.

Which God go judge who? The God whose teachings you didn't seem to care about when you made the decision to marry who your pastor tell you say make you marry abi witch God be that? Make una no dey drag God enter after una don pour putta-putta finish for inside garri! Leave God out of this and focus on resolving the situation/drama you allowed in your life with by your own hands.

The truth is nothing is holding you down in that marriage except you. You can choose to walk out of that situation tomorrow and I doubt that man is going to make a big deal of it as it almost seems he has left it up to you. But if you decide to stay and starve that child — belligerent as she may be — you heap issues on your head by it. Marriage no be by force so I am not sure what you are waiting for.

Makakween:
No, the pastor doesn't pick my calls anymore,I just don't trust anyone bearing pastor till today I am scared of them.

Oh, na now you just know say pastors and mogs are con men? Sadly, same you fit to come back tomorrow come to tell us another Pastor-talk-say tale!

Makakween:
■I have told them already,I don't have much family that supports except my two siblings,they are even sad over the matter, I am still confused until today I still don't understand what happened,hmm as for the sitting him down to talk to him,he will always tell me pastor said you should be submissive to your husband,my opinions are never taken,I tried telling his family he said the day I try that I will die cos he's my husband and he's more experienced than me to tell me what to do.
■ All the people I begged to talk to him are telling me that in marriage, there's no need for third party, just endure and pray he will change, hmmm.

1. You are still confused about what exactly? You need to take responsibility for the part you played in the mistake that is your current situation. Only then will you be able to open your eyes to the reality of what you got yourself into. You are the one who submitted to this deal... you were not forced by anyone into it, and you are the only one forcing yourself to remain in it — no one is doing that to you but you.

2. You alone can make the choice to take the chains off of you or remain shackled for longer... your choice.

divorce is not by army

✖️😠 just leave that marriage. It's not worth it

Post the pastor phone number and the church address. Let's teach him a lesson.

Makakween:
Hello nairalanders, please I am an old user of this platform I had to create a new one because I don't want this in my old account. I have been trying to get a new Gmail to post this,I really appreciate ghettoman I don't really know his moniker for the help he rendered by trying to open a new Gmail for me.

My husband and I got married by recommendations from my pastor, he's was already having a child from his previous marriage,no matter how I said no to this marriage, they had already planned it anyway... now after marriage his daughter came to stay with us,I started working because I don't like staying idle at home so I can also assist in the house.
He usually gives me money monthly so I can buy foodstuffs from the house, but the money is never enough and sometimes I beg from my sister and I use the money at home to cook.

Now the problem is my girl would start thinking and telling people around,that her father sends me money and I don't use it on her... she would be looking at the food like shit...with the country problem everyone is managing this girl own is fish,and meat, since I married my husband gave me money just once to buy clothes for her and my daughter.
I am the one that buys her clothes, everything I do she doesn't appreciate and she just wants it all. I didn't even notice this at all until I was told outside,I was so shocked as to what this child can do. I was so shocked 😨, how come I never noticed until I was told... she monitors my calls and tell her dad,I just don't understand. The money he gives me can't take us 2 weeks, it's not like he doesn't have the money but he doesn't want to bring it out. I was still breastfeeding my daughter it was my prevention for pregnancy,I wasn't seeing my menses and I got pregnant again,it became worst I have complained to alot of people about the verbal abuse I get from my husband,I was asked to endure now the endurance is killing me...

This month because of her,he felt I wasn't using the 20k well and he gave me a list of things to buy at home,but he gave me 10k,and it was first week of January,I later asked for another since we already didn't have anything at home he sent 5k I used it to fill gas 3k plus t fare. He knows there's nothing at home,and school was on holiday, even with pregnancy I didn't mind looking for job still. Now I beg for money to feed,ever since I knew she's like that I hate serving her food cos the money isn't enough for all of us. When her dad came home he gave me 1k for me to use for a week,no garri,no rice nothing. And school has resumed I am the one responsible for giving her money to school,I have stopped since she uses it on the way to school and behaves like a beggar in school.

She is always telling her fellow kids that I can never be her mother,I can't kill myself,I begged him for money on Sunday he sent 1200 to me,I used it to fill gas 1kg,I begged for foodstuffs to cook. I am tired of begging,I almost died last week and I didn't have the money to take me to the hospital, it was God, even the drugs I tried begging no way. Since she thinks everything I own and buy is for her father,and I am not seeing anything,I have been supporting quietly but she feels she is entitled to more and all which I can't give, when 1k finished I begged and was given 2k, which I used for yams,and I cooked small soup,I couldn't help but give her but she still behaved like that, like it isn't worth it...

Now I want to stop feeding her,I go hungry most days drinking the garri I begged for 2 days, nobody knows how I have been feeding,I feel I have been too foolish by covering up this stupid marriage. Now he's even telling me that if I give birth to a female again I would face it alone, right now like this he doesn't want to even send anything to me for the house,i hate complaining and complaining about things, people are already urging me to talk,I don't want people pointing at me on the road,I don't know what is wrong with me but I need help...

I can't endure anymore, sometimes I want to just die,I hate begging people for things but I have been subjected to that just to feed,I needed someone to talk to, people who can give me advice different from what people are giving me here... that marriage is for life, please I need help before I lose it, what do you think I should do,I don't know my fate even with this pregnancy but I want a better one for my daughter. Please drop a comment for me,I would really appreciate the help and advises. Please no insults I am not really that strong still fighting some health issues,thank you.

You just sat down @ one corner and assume that your husband has money and doesn't want to give you. What if he doesn't have You thought getting married will liberate you from poverty ba? now your eye don clear. If they tell y'all to work hard for yourselvws, una go dey find man to leech on. Now mugu don fall you.

HarunaWest:
You just sat down @ one corner and assume that your husband has money and doesn't want to give you. What if he doesn't have You thought getting married will liberate you from poverty ba? now your eye don clear. If they tell y'all to work hard for yourselvws, una go dey find man to leech on. Now mugu don fall you.

thanks for the insults I really appreciate everything,I am working even here I haven't stopped working the truth remain the fact that I never coerced into doing what I didn't want, the both of them know this and are still saying it until today,as far the money aspect he has been sending money to the pastor,I don't care what he does with his money. I just want him to care for his kids so my support won't be in vain.

Nazgul:
* You married a divorcee you didn't love.

* You knew you had no iota of love for him, but because your pastor who wouldn't live with you convinced you, - you accepted and decided to marry someone you had zero feelings for.

* You didn't bother to ask why he left his marriage, you didn't bother to find out why his previous wife abandoned her daughter for him and ran away, you just dived into his house.

* Considering how difficult the economy is, you couldn't even tell him to open a business for you before marrying you, so that you wouldn't be 100% dependant on him. Cos from your narrative, your job contributes almost zero to your welfare.

I'm going to be very honest with you. From what I read, you were just desperate to get married, and didn't care about who you were getting married to. Your attempt to blame your pastor for joining you two is pathetic cos no one pulled a gun on your head and forced you to marry him. You willingly accepted to become his wife, so accept full responsibility of your actions and stop blaming your pastor.

My advice...Take a break for the sake of your mental health and leave that house, you can choose to go back to your parents house. If he's still interested in you, let him come for you, if not, focus on your pregnancy so that you can have a safe delivery.

I was never desperate for marriage it wasn't,at that age what's my business with it, the Man sister asked me about it I said no,I never knew the pastor had already told him to come anyways...see you won't just understand how it happened so don't come here telling me I was desperate for marriage, how?

Weirdcamila:
Run away .
This things are simple .
Run
I mean run first , run from the marriage .
Anything that mess with your mental peace .

RUN

They will not listen

Makakween:
Hello nairalanders, please I am an old user of this platform I had to create a new one because I don't want this in my old account. I have been trying to get a new Gmail to post this,I really appreciate ghettoman I don't really know his moniker for the help he rendered by trying to open a new Gmail for me.

My husband and I got married by recommendations from my pastor, he's was already having a child from his previous marriage,no matter how I said no to this marriage, they had already planned it anyway... now after marriage his daughter came to stay with us,I started working because I don't like staying idle at home so I can also assist in the house.
He usually gives me money monthly so I can buy foodstuffs from the house, but the money is never enough and sometimes I beg from my sister and I use the money at home to cook.

Now the problem is my girl would start thinking and telling people around,that her father sends me money and I don't use it on her... she would be looking at the food like shit...with the country problem everyone is managing this girl own is fish,and meat, since I married my husband gave me money just once to buy clothes for her and my daughter.
I am the one that buys her clothes, everything I do she doesn't appreciate and she just wants it all. I didn't even notice this at all until I was told outside,I was so shocked as to what this child can do. I was so shocked 😨, how come I never noticed until I was told... she monitors my calls and tell her dad,I just don't understand. The money he gives me can't take us 2 weeks, it's not like he doesn't have the money but he doesn't want to bring it out. I was still breastfeeding my daughter it was my prevention for pregnancy,I wasn't seeing my menses and I got pregnant again,it became worst I have complained to alot of people about the verbal abuse I get from my husband,I was asked to endure now the endurance is killing me...

This month because of her,he felt I wasn't using the 20k well and he gave me a list of things to buy at home,but he gave me 10k,and it was first week of January,I later asked for another since we already didn't have anything at home he sent 5k I used it to fill gas 3k plus t fare. He knows there's nothing at home,and school was on holiday, even with pregnancy I didn't mind looking for job still. Now I beg for money to feed,ever since I knew she's like that I hate serving her food cos the money isn't enough for all of us. When her dad came home he gave me 1k for me to use for a week,no garri,no rice nothing. And school has resumed I am the one responsible for giving her money to school,I have stopped since she uses it on the way to school and behaves like a beggar in school.

She is always telling her fellow kids that I can never be her mother,I can't kill myself,I begged him for money on Sunday he sent 1200 to me,I used it to fill gas 1kg,I begged for foodstuffs to cook. I am tired of begging,I almost died last week and I didn't have the money to take me to the hospital, it was God, even the drugs I tried begging no way. Since she thinks everything I own and buy is for her father,and I am not seeing anything,I have been supporting quietly but she feels she is entitled to more and all which I can't give, when 1k finished I begged and was given 2k, which I used for yams,and I cooked small soup,I couldn't help but give her but she still behaved like that, like it isn't worth it...

Now I want to stop feeding her,I go hungry most days drinking the garri I begged for 2 days, nobody knows how I have been feeding,I feel I have been too foolish by covering up this stupid marriage. Now he's even telling me that if I give birth to a female again I would face it alone, right now like this he doesn't want to even send anything to me for the house,i hate complaining and complaining about things, people are already urging me to talk,I don't want people pointing at me on the road,I don't know what is wrong with me but I need help...

I can't endure anymore, sometimes I want to just die,I hate begging people for things but I have been subjected to that just to feed,I needed someone to talk to, people who can give me advice different from what people are giving me here... that marriage is for life, please I need help before I lose it, what do you think I should do,I don't know my fate even with this pregnancy but I want a better one for my daughter. Please drop a comment for me,I would really appreciate the help and advises. Please no insults I am not really that strong still fighting some health issues,thank you.

What are you still waiting for, the primary responsibility of a man is to provide for his family, if he's not doing that, you should walk away

You re an adult with functioning brains and knows what's best for you.

Someone just accused me in some other thread that I instigated his ex wife to leave him whilst I remained in mine,funny enough I don't ever remember doing such.

Going forward Anything concerning husband n wife matter for this nairaland I nor go Eva chook mouth put.

Pastor this and that 😔 now pastor is no where to be found

Mindlog:
Raise money for transporting yourself and your daughter back to your family.

On the day you are leaving, better on a weekday when his daughter from his first marriage has gone to school, call your husband on the phone and inform him you are leaving and tell him where you will be leaving the house keys, it will be left for him to make arrange who would take of his daughter upon her return from school.

Even if he comes begging with 100 Pastors, never you ever return to that marriage because it is not even one but bondage, just negotiate with him sending upkeeps for the daughter you had with him and your pregnancy.

She would return. If she wanted to leave, we won’t be having this conversation.

Saintmary:



What are you still waiting for, the primary responsibility of a man is to provide for his family, if he's not doing that, you should walk away

What is the usefulness of a man that doesn’t provide? A question I have asked many times on this great forum. Women should stop overplaying their independence. You end up with men like this. Better to be a gold digger that knows exactly what she wants from a partner than this.

I can’t deal mahn!!

pocohantas:


She would return. If she wanted to leave, we won’t be having this conversation.

@poco, why this specifically please?

I have seen this line a couple times I find it difficult to understand.

pocohantas:


She would return. If she wanted to leave, we won’t be having this conversation.

Sad truth.

Raheeqilmaktoom:


@poco, why this specifically please?

I have seen this line a couple times I find it difficult to understand.

A woman knows when she has had enough. As long as she is inside the marriage talking chochocho, best believe she is still in doubt of what the future holds for her after leaving. The day she is tired, it would be like a switch went off in her head. She would just up and leave! Damning whatever happens, what people say or how she would survive.

This applies to relationships and jobs too. When you are tired, nobody go advise you!

Let her remain with him. At least she is married. Very important…

na wa o

the wicked stepchild

and of course everyone will believe the child

you need to leave because this child has been well schooled in this game and you will always be the bad person

more so that this is nigeria where we expect step mothers to be wicked

it may sound melodramtic, but there is really no limit as to juts how far this story can go

as the father is not intervening in any way you need to leave for your own peace of mind.

MARRIAGE IS NOT FOR LIFE - ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU AND THE MAN DO NOT HAVE KIDS, which changes the equation.


you need to leave.

at least based on your own side of the story

Klass99:


Ahn ahn, my leg and waist friend what makes you think her assumptions are wrong and they can't be true? I don't doubt her narrative because a friend/classmate of mine has been in a similar situation. My friend's story made me laugh so hard when we were catching up after years of not seeing each other.

I think it is a poverty of the mindset which translates into the physical lack women like the OP experience. You know when a man thinks buying food stuff in bulk is a huge expense and waste of money, then he resorts to daily purchase of food items, failing to understand that his method is not cost effective and he is only being penny wise and pound foolish.

According to my friend her husband shut down the suggestion of buying food items in bulk when they were newly married. He would give her 2k for breakfast, then send another 2k for lunch and do 2k for dinner. It was from the 2k for breakfast she first learned about sachet milk & milo, and knew that lipton tea bags could be purchased in pieces . She came from a household where food items were bought in bulk to save time & money, hubby's house was a culture shock for her.

I know her hubby, he wasn't hurting for cash at all. He just had a different view and outlook on home life and other things. Like the OP, my friend had to quit her job in one city to join her hubby in another city after marriage, so she was temporarily unemployed at the time, depression wanted to kill her. Her saving grace was a good job with one of our federal agencies.

I hope you haven't been wantonly engaging in activities that cause leg and waist pain?

the ghost is back. soon this post will disappear into the ether like it never was. well I quoted it so its not going anywhere 👿

Drop the first child with him and leave with the pregnancy.
You carter for one ,he carters for one.Win win.

You have been regretiing the marriage but pregnancy keeps coming.Do you Ppl fight when having sex?now you are misdirecting your anger on the poor girl.

You and your husband should grow up

LadySarah:
Drop the first child with him and leave with the pregnancy.
You carter for one ,he carters for one.Win win.

You have been regretiing the marriage but pregnancy keeps coming. Do you Ppl fight when having sex? now you are misdirecting your anger on the poor girl.

You and your husband should grow up

Everybody b shouting 'run' 'run'
How person wey dey soak garri since wan see transport run?

pocohantas:


What is the usefulness of a man that doesn’t provide? A question I have asked many times on this great forum. Women should stop overplaying their independence. You end up with men like this. Better to be a gold digger that knows exactly what she wants from a partner than this.

I can’t deal mahn!!

This Nigerian society has never been fair to women

patoski39:
Everybody b shouting 'run' 'run'
How person wey dey soak garri since wan see transport run?

Person wey dey soak garri no be human being wey get brain?