₦airaland Forum

Since he was like this before marriage and even in the marriage, why did you quit your job? The deed is done, and I will advise you put on your big girl pants to find another job to at least sustain you and your baby pending when Oga realizes time waits for no one.

Also, let him know you will be looking for a job and you wouldn't be helping him in any way if he can't open up to you. It is a marriage and I do not understand why he is ashamed of opening up to you. If he feels so ashamed to open up, then he should put an end to the habit and that way, there is no need for explanation since the debt issue which is your concern will be gone.

IamANigerianMan:
■ . people like you are everywhere... Anytime you hear Jesus name you are pitched to the wall.... Your unbelieve cannot change God, he remains God and he is God forever. Did you hear me?

1. I am afraid you are sorely mistaken! What you know isn't God or Jesus Christ but instead a delusion fed to you by your lying pastors and mogs who sit as gods over your life there.

Dearlove2me:
The truth is right now, I feel like going somewhere for a while. I feel like I need rest. Somewhere I can forget about all my problems and breathe a fresh air.
My husband has not been honest with me since the beginning of this marriage and I doubt if this is an attitude of a man that loves

He has always been in debt even before I married him. and he wouldn't let me know what he do with the money he keeps borrowing from people. Even my friends I introduced to him, he is owning them and can't pay back.

The bad side is, he borrows and stop picking their calls not respond nicely to them.
He behalves badly to them.
I'm suspecting he's into some kind of addiction that demands money. Maybe gambling but he wouldn't tell me.
He's constantly on his phone.

He is owning loan app everywhere. To the extent that the app had to send hurrible messages to his contact's lists including his bosses, office colleagues and my relatives.
It's so embarrassing and tiring.
He has apologized several times that I should give him time to work on himself to stop an addiction, but he refused to explain what it is. Claiming that I might leave him if I know.
But he has not changed abit.
We are always hungry in this house. No baby food for my 6months old baby, no pampers and everything is total struggle. I quit my job last year but I'll soon start job search once my baby grow a little.
In this house, If I don't look for food, then, we starve, I don't look for means of getting pampers, food, wears,then my baby will suffer, because his daddy is not capable of providing anything for us. It's so annoying.

I have dreams before I married him, but right now, I feel lost. There's no romance, no love, no affection in this marriage anymore, as I wouldn't even let him touch me because of the stress, suffer he constantly brings on us.

Money I raised to start up a business, (340k) I ended up using it to pay for his debt last two months because the people were always coming to embarrass us in the house and neighbors were coming to pleade on our behalf. I had to clear up the loan, yet he couldn't explain what he did with the money.
With that start up capital, I would have been growing by now, but here I am. Still at the zero point.

I'm really tired
I'm so confused here.
What should I do?
What would you advise?

You need a breathing space, followed by a detailed and sincere explaination of what the addiction is and the steps he is going to take to conquer it.

Once he has sincerely open up to you, watch him from afar lfor ike two months. If there is positive changes, inform him you will only come back on one condition "Once he goes back to his addiction, you quit the marriage".

E ya sorry. First pack out then come for advice. That your husband is a parasite.

I m sure he's amongst these buffoons on nairaland cussing and bashing women, meanwhile he cannot feedhis family at home.

Dearlove2me:
The truth is right now, I feel like going somewhere for a while. I feel like I need rest. Somewhere I can forget about all my problems and breathe a fresh air.
My husband has not been honest with me since the beginning of this marriage and I doubt if this is an attitude of a man that loves

He has always been in debt even before I married him. and he wouldn't let me know what he do with the money he keeps borrowing from people. Even my friends I introduced to him, he is owning them and can't pay back.

The bad side is, he borrows and stop picking their calls not respond nicely to them.
He behalves badly to them.
I'm suspecting he's into some kind of addiction that demands money. Maybe gambling but he wouldn't tell me.
He's constantly on his phone.

He is owning loan app everywhere. To the extent that the app had to send hurrible messages to his contact's lists including his bosses, office colleagues and my relatives.
It's so embarrassing and tiring.
He has apologized several times that I should give him time to work on himself to stop an addiction, but he refused to explain what it is. Claiming that I might leave him if I know.
But he has not changed abit.
We are always hungry in this house. No baby food for my 6months old baby, no pampers and everything is total struggle. I quit my job last year but I'll soon start job search once my baby grow a little.
In this house, If I don't look for food, then, we starve, I don't look for means of getting pampers, food, wears,then my baby will suffer, because his daddy is not capable of providing anything for us. It's so annoying.

I have dreams before I married him, but right now, I feel lost. There's no romance, no love, no affection in this marriage anymore, as I wouldn't even let him touch me because of the stress, suffer he constantly brings on us.

Money I raised to start up a business, (340k) I ended up using it to pay for his debt last two months because the people were always coming to embarrass us in the house and neighbors were coming to pleade on our behalf. I had to clear up the loan, yet he couldn't explain what he did with the money.
With that start up capital, I would have been growing by now, but here I am. Still at the zero point.

I'm really tired
I'm so confused here.
What should I do?
What would you advise?

Check his phone very well, na bet app like sporty bet, Bet 9ja and there brothers app will fill it and all sorts of loan apps
The earlier you restrict your husband by all possible means from this cancerous applications, the better for your home.. May Almighty God bless your family and answer all your silent prayers.. Love and Light mam

Op.. Please be careful of nonsesne comments above that you should leave your home o. Angel you knw already is far better than an anonymous Angel you don't knw

Manage am.
Nothing dey outside again.🤐

Most likely betting addiction.

Dearlove2me:
The truth is right now, I feel like going somewhere for a while. I feel like I need rest. Somewhere I can forget about all my problems and breathe a fresh air.
My husband has not been honest with me since the beginning of this marriage and I doubt if this is an attitude of a man that loves

He has always been in debt even before I married him. and he wouldn't let me know what he do with the money he keeps borrowing from people. Even my friends I introduced to him, he is owning them and can't pay back.

The bad side is, he borrows and stop picking their calls not respond nicely to them.
He behalves badly to them.
I'm suspecting he's into some kind of addiction that demands money. Maybe gambling but he wouldn't tell me.
He's constantly on his phone.

He is owning loan app everywhere. To the extent that the app had to send hurrible messages to his contact's lists including his bosses, office colleagues and my relatives.
It's so embarrassing and tiring.
He has apologized several times that I should give him time to work on himself to stop an addiction, but he refused to explain what it is. Claiming that I might leave him if I know.
But he has not changed abit.
We are always hungry in this house. No baby food for my 6months old baby, no pampers and everything is total struggle. I quit my job last year but I'll soon start job search once my baby grow a little.
In this house, If I don't look for food, then, we starve, I don't look for means of getting pampers, food, wears,then my baby will suffer, because his daddy is not capable of providing anything for us. It's so annoying.

I have dreams before I married him, but right now, I feel lost. There's no romance, no love, no affection in this marriage anymore, as I wouldn't even let him touch me because of the stress, suffer he constantly brings on us.

Money I raised to start up a business, (340k) I ended up using it to pay for his debt last two months because the people were always coming to embarrass us in the house and neighbors were coming to pleade on our behalf. I had to clear up the loan, yet he couldn't explain what he did with the money.
With that start up capital, I would have been growing by now, but here I am. Still at the zero point.

I'm really tired
I'm so confused here.
What should I do?
What would you advise?

When I saw I knew that he was in debt before I married him, I just shake my head. I can't believe you saw that red flag and you still went ahead to marry him. You no try at all
I don't support divorce but if you continue with him, na depression you dey invite to yourself. You either stay and be praying for him to change patiently or pack your bags and relocate to another state, start another life there and focus on your baby. Single mothers dey make well. The ball is in your court Sis

Dearlove2me:
If you love someone, you don't inflict pain on them. You make yourself a better person for the one you love. He don't love me nor our baby. He put so much stress on us and you can it love? I'm tired. I'm not strong.

You mentioned he said he doesn't want to lose you.
Is that true?
I think you need to be honest too.

Romanoff:
You don't have to go with all your things and before you leave, call a family meeting with him present so you can explain to both sides why you're separating from him and what he needs to do for you to come back.

Don't just leave like that, let your families be aware.

Don't call any family meeting before you leave, it's better you leave first to get back your mental health before calling family meeting, if not, you wouldn't be able to leave.

Romanoff:
I guess that will work. But would have been better if it's a physical meeting.

Note that the period of separation is for you to better yourself and the life of your kids so your husband can sort out his issues, it is not a time to be unfaithful to your husband.

My hand no dey for that one o.

....You for kuma tell her not to leave the man, see where your mind don reach . A wife dey die emotionally and mentally......

Kobojunkie:
Please do! You have paid off his debt so take it that you are free to go back to your family and restart your life apart from him. If and when he decides to get his act together, let him contact you then and you two decide if the marriage is still worth it at that point.

.... Oooohhhh... Kobojunkie!!! You have finished the matter the proper way. Best Nairaland advice from kobojunkie.

Take a break frm the marriage till he decides to grow up nd act responsibly. Go back to ur parent's house nd make sure u let him see reasons why u're going back nd what u're especting frm him as a condition 4 ur coming bk to him if he wants u to.

Nice2023:
Money u are supposed to use to relocate and leave that dishonest husband of yours is what u gave him to enhance his lifestyles.

Prepare to pay more.

U are truly unlucky I must say.


A man that can't buy pampers is even worst than any plague anyone can think of. Not that he is not working but he chose to be in debt.

Na u i pity pass...because a debtor is always a debtor.

hmmmmnn... You don finish the matter here.

Scarfin:
You mentioned he said he doesn't want to lose you.
Is that true?
I think you need to be honest too.

Honest about what? He don't want to lose me, yet he wouldn't do things that makes us grow. Is that the definition of love?

Dearlove2me:
Honest about what? He don't want to lose me, yet he wouldn't do things that makes us grow. Is that the definition of love?

Very clear
Both of you clearly had different problems & you brought it into the marriage and you made each other worse.
Shame on you both.

Leave now that it's just one child.

It gets messier as the no of children increases.

Dearlove2me:
The truth is right now, I feel like going somewhere for a while. I feel like I need rest. Somewhere I can forget about all my problems and breathe a fresh air.
My husband has not been honest with me since the beginning of this marriage and I doubt if this is an attitude of a man that loves

He has always been in debt even before I married him. and he wouldn't let me know what he do with the money he keeps borrowing from people. Even my friends I introduced to him, he is owning them and can't pay back.

The bad side is, he borrows and stop picking their calls not respond nicely to them.
He behalves badly to them.
I'm suspecting he's into some kind of addiction that demands money. Maybe gambling but he wouldn't tell me.
He's constantly on his phone.

He is owning loan app everywhere. To the extent that the app had to send hurrible messages to his contact's lists including his bosses, office colleagues and my relatives.
It's so embarrassing and tiring.
He has apologized several times that I should give him time to work on himself to stop an addiction, but he refused to explain what it is. Claiming that I might leave him if I know.
But he has not changed abit.
We are always hungry in this house. No baby food for my 6months old baby, no pampers and everything is total struggle. I quit my job last year but I'll soon start job search once my baby grow a little.
In this house, If I don't look for food, then, we starve, I don't look for means of getting pampers, food, wears,then my baby will suffer, because his daddy is not capable of providing anything for us. It's so annoying.

I have dreams before I married him, but right now, I feel lost. There's no romance, no love, no affection in this marriage anymore, as I wouldn't even let him touch me because of the stress, suffer he constantly brings on us.

Money I raised to start up a business, (340k) I ended up using it to pay for his debt last two months because the people were always coming to embarrass us in the house and neighbors were coming to pleade on our behalf. I had to clear up the loan, yet he couldn't explain what he did with the money.
With that start up capital, I would have been growing by now, but here I am. Still at the zero point.

I'm really tired
I'm so confused here.
What should I do?
What would you advise?

Reading this with a teary eye I feel sorry for you and your little one. Just try and be strong for your child please.

Dearlove2me:
The truth is right now, I feel like going somewhere for a while. I feel like I need rest. Somewhere I can forget about all my problems and breathe a fresh air.
My husband has not been honest with me since the beginning of this marriage and I doubt if this is an attitude of a man that loves

He has always been in debt even before I married him. and he wouldn't let me know what he do with the money he keeps borrowing from people. Even my friends I introduced to him, he is owning them and can't pay back.

The bad side is, he borrows and stop picking their calls not respond nicely to them.
He behalves badly to them.
I'm suspecting he's into some kind of addiction that demands money. Maybe gambling but he wouldn't tell me.
He's constantly on his phone.

He is owning loan app everywhere. To the extent that the app had to send hurrible messages to his contact's lists including his bosses, office colleagues and my relatives.
It's so embarrassing and tiring.
He has apologized several times that I should give him time to work on himself to stop an addiction, but he refused to explain what it is. Claiming that I might leave him if I know.
But he has not changed abit.
We are always hungry in this house. No baby food for my 6months old baby, no pampers and everything is total struggle. I quit my job last year but I'll soon start job search once my baby grow a little.
In this house, If I don't look for food, then, we starve, I don't look for means of getting pampers, food, wears,then my baby will suffer, because his daddy is not capable of providing anything for us. It's so annoying.

I have dreams before I married him, but right now, I feel lost. There's no romance, no love, no affection in this marriage anymore, as I wouldn't even let him touch me because of the stress, suffer he constantly brings on us.

Money I raised to start up a business, (340k) I ended up using it to pay for his debt last two months because the people were always coming to embarrass us in the house and neighbors were coming to pleade on our behalf. I had to clear up the loan, yet he couldn't explain what he did with the money.
With that start up capital, I would have been growing by now, but here I am. Still at the zero point.

I'm really tired
I'm so confused here.
What should I do?
What would you advise?

He has a dirty live style he is hiding from you and unless you become strict with the money with you he will never tell you

Just try and focus on that little child and as time goes on you will decide if the journey in this marriage whats the stress

You are very young to start seeing shege

ojotobiloba1:
Check his phone very well, na bet app like sporty bet, Bet 9ja and there brothers app will fill it and all sorts of loan apps
The earlier you restrict your husband by all possible means from this cancerous applications, the better for your home.. May Almighty God bless your family and answer all your silent prayers.. Love and Light mam

Op.. Please be careful of nonsesne comments above that you should leave your home o. Angel you knw already is far better than an anonymous Angel you don't knw

That useless deadbeat she's married to cannot be regarded as an angel by any standard!

It's better for her to leave and go and rebuild her life

1x2

1x2

Kobojunkie:
1. Marriage no be by force abeg!

is that what your bible tells you? Are you advising her to divorce her husband just like that? I am ashamed of you.

edoman2016:
■ is that what your bible tells you?
■ Are you advising her to divorce her husband just like that? I am ashamed of you.

1. Your bible is an inanimate object, it does not "tell" you anything.

2. God has no hand in your marriages nor did He command anyone of you to condone any of what you do in marriage for His sake. He made this abundantly clear when Jesus Christ ensured first that

■ Your marriages are of this world and not of the Kingdom of God - Luke 20 vs 34 - 36. God washed his hands off marriages from Genesis 3 vs 16 after Adam literally accused God of giving Him a wife who caused Him to sin against God.
■ Jesus Christ said those who belong to Him will abandon father, mother, husband, wife, even children in order to become worthy of Him - Matthew 10 vs 34 - 39 - so, again, God has no interest in your staying married no matter what. Your ideas of marital sustenance amount to bullsheet where God is concerned.
■ Jesus Christ, to those who are married, made it known that divorce isn't a sin for those who wish to follow Him. This all means that those of you who choose to sit tight in marriage has absolutely nothing to do with Him in your decisions - Matthew 5 vs 31 - 32 & Matthew 19 vs 7 - 9 & Mark 10 vs 10- 12 & Luke 16 vs 18

Clearly, the sufferings which you endure in marriage are removed from God and that which He commands. So, don't use me as your shame pin cushion here. Admit that the one you are instead ashamed of is Jesus Christ who made it clear that your marriages have nothing to do with the Kingdom of God.

Good men dey find wives, but na the yeye men dey marry.

Dearlove2me:
Honest about what? He don't want to lose me, yet he wouldn't do things that makes us grow. Is that the definition of love?

Madam leave that house,dont allow anything mess with your mental health,to treat depression no easy o.

Dearlove2me:
The truth is right now, I feel like going somewhere for a while. I feel like I need rest. Somewhere I can forget about all my problems and breathe a fresh air.
My husband has not been honest with me since the beginning of this marriage and I doubt if this is an attitude of a man that loves

He has always been in debt even before I married him. and he wouldn't let me know what he do with the money he keeps borrowing from people. Even my friends I introduced to him, he is owning them and can't pay back.

The bad side is, he borrows and stop picking their calls not respond nicely to them.
He behalves badly to them.
I'm suspecting he's into some kind of addiction that demands money. Maybe gambling but he wouldn't tell me.
He's constantly on his phone.

He is owning loan app everywhere. To the extent that the app had to send hurrible messages to his contact's lists including his bosses, office colleagues and my relatives.
It's so embarrassing and tiring.
He has apologized several times that I should give him time to work on himself to stop an addiction, but he refused to explain what it is. Claiming that I might leave him if I know.
But he has not changed abit.
We are always hungry in this house. No baby food for my 6months old baby, no pampers and everything is total struggle. I quit my job last year but I'll soon start job search once my baby grow a little.
In this house, If I don't look for food, then, we starve, I don't look for means of getting pampers, food, wears,then my baby will suffer, because his daddy is not capable of providing anything for us. It's so annoying.

I have dreams before I married him, but right now, I feel lost. There's no romance, no love, no affection in this marriage anymore, as I wouldn't even let him touch me because of the stress, suffer he constantly brings on us.

Money I raised to start up a business, (340k) I ended up using it to pay for his debt last two months because the people were always coming to embarrass us in the house and neighbors were coming to pleade on our behalf. I had to clear up the loan, yet he couldn't explain what he did with the money.
With that start up capital, I would have been growing by now, but here I am. Still at the zero point.

I'm really tired
I'm so confused here.
What should I do?
What would you advise?

Your husband na gambler and he doesn't know when to stop, he is hooked.

Madam,, this man doesn't deserve u one bit. And I doubt if he will ever change. The ball is in your court.. you really need a break.

Seriously a divorce won't be a bad idea

Madam, try and get details on that phone 1st.
Do it anyhow