₦airaland Forum

You have definitely made a big mistake by marrying him and having a child with him!
Make a last ditch effort to save the useless man and your marriage. If it doesn’t work, Run for your life while you can. Marriage isn’t do or die affair.
1. Realize that once you leave your marriage, life may be initially and unbearable tough. Prepare yourself for the consequences. Give enough allowance for contigencies when failures come.
2. Give a clear deadline for point of no return if he doesn’t change. I suggest 6-12months.
3. Involve your family and his in his recovery.
4. He MUST come clean with you on his addiction and how he spent the monies. You can’t save someone who is keeping secrets from you.
5. Leave his sorry ass if everything fails. For the sake of your child.
6. Make better, but measured choices going forward.

Dearlove2me:
The truth is right now, I feel like going somewhere for a while. I feel like I need rest. Somewhere I can forget about all my problems and breathe a fresh air.
My husband has not been honest with me since the beginning of this marriage and I doubt if this is an attitude of a man that loves

He has always been in debt even before I married him. and he wouldn't let me know what he do with the money he keeps borrowing from people. Even my friends I introduced to him, he is owning them and can't pay back.

The bad side is, he borrows and stop picking their calls not respond nicely to them.
He behalves badly to them.
I'm suspecting he's into some kind of addiction that demands money. Maybe gambling but he wouldn't tell me.
He's constantly on his phone.

He is owning loan app everywhere. To the extent that the app had to send hurrible messages to his contact's lists including his bosses, office colleagues and my relatives.
It's so embarrassing and tiring.
He has apologized several times that I should give him time to work on himself to stop an addiction, but he refused to explain what it is. Claiming that I might leave him if I know.
But he has not changed abit.
We are always hungry in this house. No baby food for my 6months old baby, no pampers and everything is total struggle. I quit my job last year but I'll soon start job search once my baby grow a little.
In this house, If I don't look for food, then, we starve, I don't look for means of getting pampers, food, wears,then my baby will suffer, because his daddy is not capable of providing anything for us. It's so annoying.

I have dreams before I married him, but right now, I feel lost. There's no romance, no love, no affection in this marriage anymore, as I wouldn't even let him touch me because of the stress, suffer he constantly brings on us.

Money I raised to start up a business, (340k) I ended up using it to pay for his debt last two months because the people were always coming to embarrass us in the house and neighbors were coming to pleade on our behalf. I had to clear up the loan, yet he couldn't explain what he did with the money.
With that start up capital, I would have been growing by now, but here I am. Still at the zero point.

I'm really tired
I'm so confused here.
What should I do?
What would you advise?

He's either into Ponzi or betting. Check if he womanizes too. You should have check before marrying. Marriage is for a lifetime, you can separate for a while but he needs to give his life to Jesus and break free from this addiction.

Dearlove2me:
The truth is right now, I feel like going somewhere for a while. I feel like I need rest. Somewhere I can forget about all my problems and breathe a fresh air.
My husband has not been honest with me since the beginning of this marriage and I doubt if this is an attitude of a man that loves

He has always been in debt even before I married him. and he wouldn't let me know what he do with the money he keeps borrowing from people. Even my friends I introduced to him, he is owning them and can't pay back.

The bad side is, he borrows and stop picking their calls not respond nicely to them.
He behalves badly to them.
I'm suspecting he's into some kind of addiction that demands money. Maybe gambling but he wouldn't tell me.
He's constantly on his phone.

He is owning loan app everywhere. To the extent that the app had to send hurrible messages to his contact's lists including his bosses, office colleagues and my relatives.
It's so embarrassing and tiring.
He has apologized several times that I should give him time to work on himself to stop an addiction, but he refused to explain what it is. Claiming that I might leave him if I know.
But he has not changed abit.
We are always hungry in this house. No baby food for my 6months old baby, no pampers and everything is total struggle. I quit my job last year but I'll soon start job search once my baby grow a little.
In this house, If I don't look for food, then, we starve, I don't look for means of getting pampers, food, wears,then my baby will suffer, because his daddy is not capable of providing anything for us. It's so annoying.

I have dreams before I married him, but right now, I feel lost. There's no romance, no love, no affection in this marriage anymore, as I wouldn't even let him touch me because of the stress, suffer he constantly brings on us.

Money I raised to start up a business, (340k) I ended up using it to pay for his debt last two months because the people were always coming to embarrass us in the house and neighbors were coming to pleade on our behalf. I had to clear up the loan, yet he couldn't explain what he did with the money.
With that start up capital, I would have been growing by now, but here I am. Still at the zero point.

I'm really tired
I'm so confused here.
What should I do?
What would you advise?

How long has this been going on?

He admitted he has an addiction which is responsible for his constant and reoccurring problems. That's a 1st step do what is he doing about the addiction?

A man who has an addiction needs real help immediately. If he can't tell u what his addiction is, he must tell u how is he is getting help and from where?

Covering his addiction or trying to fight it alone will not be effective because he has go in to deep. He needs to seek expert or external help and guidance or it will continue to be excuses till he reach ground bottom.

U must encourage him to get the required help or u leave him so u can sort out ur life and that of ur kids. That may give him a reality check.

Am sure your husband na Igbo man

Please send your CV to s-sufiyanu@leadway.com

If the going was good, you wouldn't be here wailing. Madam, you said for better for worse, so bear it. If you can't, then leave. Marry Marry Marry, when they marry, people no go hear word.

Dearlove2me:
My husband is very quite. He was always complaining, he had no money, office was not treating them well, salary is too small, but I didn't know the extent of his broke life.

He's into Gambling. That's the fact

ebikay:
Can you share his number with him
I want to advice him.

If it's the right move, yes.

mechanics:
Worrying won't solve the problem, keep praying for him to change, addiction can only be broken through prayers with faith.

Nonsense!

Dearlove2me:
The truth is right now, I feel like going somewhere for a while. I feel like I need rest. Somewhere I can forget about all my problems and breathe a fresh air.
My husband has not been honest with me since the beginning of this marriage and I doubt if this is an attitude of a man that loves

He has always been in debt even before I married him. and he wouldn't let me know what he do with the money he keeps borrowing from people. Even my friends I introduced to him, he is owning them and can't pay back.

The bad side is, he borrows and stop picking their calls not respond nicely to them.
He behalves badly to them.
I'm suspecting he's into some kind of addiction that demands money. Maybe gambling but he wouldn't tell me.
He's constantly on his phone.

He is owning loan app everywhere. To the extent that the app had to send hurrible messages to his contact's lists including his bosses, office colleagues and my relatives.
It's so embarrassing and tiring.
He has apologized several times that I should give him time to work on himself to stop an addiction, but he refused to explain what it is. Claiming that I might leave him if I know.
But he has not changed abit.
We are always hungry in this house. No baby food for my 6months old baby, no pampers and everything is total struggle. I quit my job last year but I'll soon start job search once my baby grow a little.
In this house, If I don't look for food, then, we starve, I don't look for means of getting pampers, food, wears,then my baby will suffer, because his daddy is not capable of providing anything for us. It's so annoying.

I have dreams before I married him, but right now, I feel lost. There's no romance, no love, no affection in this marriage anymore, as I wouldn't even let him touch me because of the stress, suffer he constantly brings on us.

Money I raised to start up a business, (340k) I ended up using it to pay for his debt last two months because the people were always coming to embarrass us in the house and neighbors were coming to pleade on our behalf. I had to clear up the loan, yet he couldn't explain what he did with the money.
With that start up capital, I would have been growing by now, but here I am. Still at the zero point.

I'm really tired
I'm so confused here.
What should I do?
What would you advise?

To be frank with you, he needs divorce he needs to find himself and pay up those debts because nothing would change.If you are financially stable to some extent you can help him out with the debt but if you are not,leave him for now and let him sort himself out
Honestly I feel more for the baby and I will blame you as well because you must have seen all these red flag before you married him

Osanoghodua1:
He's either into Ponzi or betting. Check if he womanizes too. You should have check before marrying. Marriage is for a lifetime, you can separate for a while but he needs to give his life to Jesus and break free from this addiction.

Abegi! HOw many of your pastors and mogs, many of them addicts, don break free? No dey use God name lie abeg!

Walk away now before he will add another baby with the one you already have. The more baby you have for him the more the financial obligation on your shoulders. Make I no lie you ehn, he can never change so don't hope on him.

Dearlove2me:
I have vow never to interfere in all his debt again. After all he's an adult

The mistake you made was allowing emotions get at you which made you pay with the 340k meant for business.

You should have been drastic and use the money for the business instead.. Once business has grown, you can then assist with clearing some of the loan.

IamANigerianMan:
Your mumu is part1, it doesnt has part 2, you hear.? . people like you are everywhere... Anytime you hear Jesus name you are pitched to the wall.... Your unbelieve cannot change God, he remains God and he is God forever. Did you hear me?

E be like say you just dey sabi kobo the junkie

mosaicafrique:
Please send your CV to s-sufiyanu@leadway.com

Alright. Thank you

pocohantas:
Manage am.
Nothing dey outside again.🤐

Eh God😂😂😂😂

One of the mistake you made was the use of your 300+ to settle is dept.

You shld v invested the cash in business has tou planed then out of the profit you settle those you can. Now he done drag you down with him..

One thing about you ladies is cool headed truthful mature guys will be toasting you pple you pple won't accept. It's the ones that comes with lying, pretending form that you pple do go for.

Scarfin:
This painful story. Is it true?
Can he just open up because God brought you into his life to help you.
It could be sex addiction.
It looks like sex addiction.
You're a strong soul. But you can take back this man if and only if you can overweigh his pride, shame and fear.
He's scared and the FEAR imprisons him in the form of a spirit.
He loves you but first, find a way of getting him to open up.
Finally and more importantly, he needs God more than anything.
Addiction is very cruel and dangerous.
The victim defends it with his/her life until someone or something sets him/her free.

He doesn't love her .

Hian

Dearlove2me:
The truth is right now, I feel like going somewhere for a while. I feel like I need rest. Somewhere I can forget about all my problems and breathe a fresh air.
My husband has not been honest with me since the beginning of this marriage and I doubt if this is an attitude of a man that loves

He has always been in debt even before I married him. and he wouldn't let me know what he do with the money he keeps borrowing from people. Even my friends I introduced to him, he is owning them and can't pay back.

The bad side is, he borrows and stop picking their calls not respond nicely to them.
He behalves badly to them.
I'm suspecting he's into some kind of addiction that demands money. Maybe gambling but he wouldn't tell me.
He's constantly on his phone.

He is owning loan app everywhere. To the extent that the app had to send hurrible messages to his contact's lists including his bosses, office colleagues and my relatives.
It's so embarrassing and tiring.
He has apologized several times that I should give him time to work on himself to stop an addiction, but he refused to explain what it is. Claiming that I might leave him if I know.
But he has not changed abit.
We are always hungry in this house. No baby food for my 6months old baby, no pampers and everything is total struggle. I quit my job last year but I'll soon start job search once my baby grow a little.
In this house, If I don't look for food, then, we starve, I don't look for means of getting pampers, food, wears,then my baby will suffer, because his daddy is not capable of providing anything for us. It's so annoying.

I have dreams before I married him, but right now, I feel lost. There's no romance, no love, no affection in this marriage anymore, as I wouldn't even let him touch me because of the stress, suffer he constantly brings on us.

Money I raised to start up a business, (340k) I ended up using it to pay for his debt last two months because the people were always coming to embarrass us in the house and neighbors were coming to pleade on our behalf. I had to clear up the loan, yet he couldn't explain what he did with the money.
With that start up capital, I would have been growing by now, but here I am. Still at the zero point.

I'm really tired
I'm so confused here.
What should I do?
What would you advise?

I sensed you packed some lies in your story. Part of it might be true though, when things were rosy you ate it together but now situation has changed, your expectations too were tampered with. Please don't be discouraged, he will bounce back. A close friend remarried recently after his wife packaged concocted story for her parents but now she's alone with two children. Don't deceive yourself madam help him, you have signed a warrant!

You better send him back to the streets, .

It seems you've money to waste , there are lot of women out there doing great for themselves.

Dearlove2me:
The truth is right now, I feel like going somewhere for a while. I feel like I need rest. Somewhere I can forget about all my problems and breathe a fresh air.
My husband has not been honest with me since the beginning of this marriage and I doubt if this is an attitude of a man that loves

He has always been in debt even before I married him. and he wouldn't let me know what he do with the money he keeps borrowing from people. Even my friends I introduced to him, he is owning them and can't pay back.

The bad side is, he borrows and stop picking their calls not respond nicely to them.
He behalves badly to them.
I'm suspecting he's into some kind of addiction that demands money. Maybe gambling but he wouldn't tell me.
He's constantly on his phone.

He is owning loan app everywhere. To the extent that the app had to send hurrible messages to his contact's lists including his bosses, office colleagues and my relatives.
It's so embarrassing and tiring.
He has apologized several times that I should give him time to work on himself to stop an addiction, but he refused to explain what it is. Claiming that I might leave him if I know.
But he has not changed abit.
We are always hungry in this house. No baby food for my 6months old baby, no pampers and everything is total struggle. I quit my job last year but I'll soon start job search once my baby grow a little.
In this house, If I don't look for food, then, we starve, I don't look for means of getting pampers, food, wears,then my baby will suffer, because his daddy is not capable of providing anything for us. It's so annoying.

I have dreams before I married him, but right now, I feel lost. There's no romance, no love, no affection in this marriage anymore, as I wouldn't even let him touch me because of the stress, suffer he constantly brings on us.

Money I raised to start up a business, (340k) I ended up using it to pay for his debt last two months because the people were always coming to embarrass us in the house and neighbors were coming to pleade on our behalf. I had to clear up the loan, yet he couldn't explain what he did with the money.
With that start up capital, I would have been growing by now, but here I am. Still at the zero point.

I'm really tired
I'm so confused here.
What should I do?
What would you advise?

It's gambling. It's never gonna stop until it eats him up

You'll need to leave or it will eat you both up

Leave now you can help when he juts Rick bottom and his eyes clear

This guy is actually burning millions

Dearlove2me:
I'm really tired
I'm so confused here.
What should I do?
What would you advise?

I'm so sorry about your experience. You are a good woman. I can tell from your narration. Despite your frustration, you didn't use vile words to describe your husband. You are kind, patient and calm even in the face of provocation.
I can assure you 1000% that your husband is addicted to gambling. My cousin just opened up to me recently that he was in a debt of over N2m because of gambling addictions.
There are 4 things that can make a man constantly broke Viz Alcoholism, Hard drug abuse, Paid pornography addiction/womanising and gambling. Out of these four, only two requires constant addiction to one's phone. If it were paid pornography or womanising, he won't always be on his phone. But with gambling, he will always be monitoring live scores, virtual simulations etc.
Your husband is in a deep mess and you need to help him. He is just a stone throw away from acute depression that could lead to suicidal thoughts.
I know this because I was once there. Between 2020 when COVID started through till mid 2022, I lost over N7m to gambling. My relationship was threatened but my wife is just like you, very patient and understanding. I gambled to the extent of stealing over 1.5m from my wife's account to gamble.
I stopped hanging out, I was always angry. I was hostile to my wife most of the time. I was in debts.

What is making it worse for your husband is that addicted gamblers are always chasing losses. They think they can borrow 200k and play safe 2 odds and quickly turn it over. But the truth is that even if he wins, he will still want to turn over again and then everything goes and the vicious cycle continues.

My wife contacted GambleAlert without telling me and they started calling me. They were helpful towards my recovery. I heard different stories. Most of the worst cases were from the East. Successful young men ruining their businesses because of gambling. A dude was sacked from GTB after they found that he was losing concentration at work and had used customer's fund to the tune of N25m to gamble.

Your husband needs you. I know you want to protect his ego but you need to report him to someone he can be accountable to. You are too soft-hearted so he can't be accountable to you. Confront him that you know he is gambling. Threaten to leave him (but that's not the plan). Report him to his closest sibling or most trusted among his parents. If you don't take action, God forbid you lose your husband. He has gotten to the stage where he doesn't care what happens again. He has lost his self-esteem that is why he can borrow from your friends without shame.

There are a lot I would have written but time will not permit me. But most importantly in all of these, he must first be self-aware that gambling has ruined him (not is ruining) and should be committed to forgetting about all the losses because they can never be recovered. In between my chasing losses, I remember winning 1.8m but I didn't withdraw that money. I wanted it to hit 2m but it never did till I lost everything again.

It's hard ooo but he can overcome. I did and I know a lot of others who did. Cheers. I respect you!!!!

Corollary: I can see a lot of kids here telling you to leave your marriage. Your husband loves you and he loves his daughter but he is in a cage. Right now, he's seeing nothing but his phone, bet site and how he can hit a huge jackpot to make up for all his previous losses. Keep your ATMs away. Don't tell him about any cash inflow. The only reason you should consider leaving your husband is if he isn't showing remorse or willing to follow through with the therapy. You said he is scared you will leave him if he tells you the truth and it is the truth. Tell him he should trust you. You are just like my wife. Whatever I tell her, she agrees. But you need to be stern to get results.

Sister, I can categorically tell you, your husband is Gambling. Sports Betting
He actually plans to win it big someday and then make you happy. That’s what Sports betting does to the psychology.
However, truth is if your husband ends up winning something huge, you most likely would come here to give thanks

stevups:
I sensed you packed some lies in your story. Part of it might be true though, when things were rosy you ate it together but now situation has changed, your expectations too were tampered with. Please don't be discouraged, he will bounce back. A close friend remarried recently after his wife packaged concocted story for her parents but now she's alone with two children. Don't deceive yourself madam help him, you have signed a warrant!

she will definitely see another man or perhaps she's no longer interested in marriage.

You guys should stop all this cheap emotional blackmail, .

Kobojunkie:
1. I am afraid you are sorely mistaken! What you know isn't God or Jesus Christ but instead a delusion fed to you by your lying pastors and mogs who sit as gods over your life there.

I can't help but educate you that majority are indeed aggressive at you atheist minority coz your interpretation of the bible is so philosophical...you scratch the surface in so much that you sound so shallow.
You should rest.
You don't know God.
And you're not in the least an intelligent person.

My dear sister, in all what you said here. U don't mention the time u guys pray together. U guys should start praying and fasting together and tell him to stay away from what will hinder the prayer. It may be a curse from either of the sides(you or him). I know what God cannot do doesn't exist... Don't leave him ooo it's will get worst... God be with your family. Shalom

Dearlove2me:
The truth is right now, I feel like going somewhere for a while. I feel like I need rest. Somewhere I can forget about all my problems and breathe a fresh air.
My husband has not been honest with me since the beginning of this marriage and I doubt if this is an attitude of a man that loves

He has always been in debt even before I married him. and he wouldn't let me know what he do with the money he keeps borrowing from people. Even my friends I introduced to him, he is owning them and can't pay back.

The bad side is, he borrows and stop picking their calls not respond nicely to them.
He behalves badly to them.
I'm suspecting he's into some kind of addiction that demands money. Maybe gambling but he wouldn't tell me.
He's constantly on his phone.

He is owning loan app everywhere. To the extent that the app had to send hurrible messages to his contact's lists including his bosses, office colleagues and my relatives.
It's so embarrassing and tiring.
He has apologized several times that I should give him time to work on himself to stop an addiction, but he refused to explain what it is. Claiming that I might leave him if I know.
But he has not changed abit.
We are always hungry in this house. No baby food for my 6months old baby, no pampers and everything is total struggle. I quit my job last year but I'll soon start job search once my baby grow a little.
In this house, If I don't look for food, then, we starve, I don't look for means of getting pampers, food, wears,then my baby will suffer, because his daddy is not capable of providing anything for us. It's so annoying.

I have dreams before I married him, but right now, I feel lost. There's no romance, no love, no affection in this marriage anymore, as I wouldn't even let him touch me because of the stress, suffer he constantly brings on us.

Money I raised to start up a business, (340k) I ended up using it to pay for his debt last two months because the people were always coming to embarrass us in the house and neighbors were coming to pleade on our behalf. I had to clear up the loan, yet he couldn't explain what he did with the money.
With that start up capital, I would have been growing by now, but here I am. Still at the zero point.

I'm really tired
I'm so confused here.
What should I do?
What would you advise?

u r still afta his dick, go and eat, people like this ehn, i wan see pussy weh go keep me 4 dis kind bondage

Mama... I feel your pain. May the Lord intervene. Beyond all, mama you need to start engaging prayer. A demon is already at work in him... He is no longer in charge of his mind. It has been hijacked by a demon..

Start prayer...

Be very careful of the kind of advise you're getting, especially from single people and those yet to heal from their own failed relationships.

My advice:

Insist that you know what and how he got into debts and why it's recurring, his response should lead you to asking for his phone to check for gambling apps and Co. (This should be a one on one talk, probably on a weekend)

Only an addict gets to owe all the time.

Once you know it's from gambling addiction, give him an ultimatum which includes separating for a while until he sorts himself out or agree to visit a rehab. (He must also be ready to change his phone to one without internet ability for at least 3 months.

If he refuses to any of these demands, call his family (once you have confirmed its gambling addiction), explain to them and let them know you need to separate until he comes to his senses.

Another problem with addiction is, the will to change often comes from the fear of losing what matters to the victim(s), if you and his child matters, he wouldn't want you to leave which would surely push him into seeking a lasting solution.