₦airaland Forum

CosmicDust:
Here is my story....

I have a 3 siblings and I am at odds with my eldest who is a lady. The way it is, I may never have a conversation with her again.

She was the first person to be invested in by my parents after which I came. Luckily enough, she was able to strike gold in her career and do well for herself. She went abroad for her masters with my parents supporting with half-payment. Unfortunately, whenever it came to family demands and helping the other younger siblings, she has either been negligent or grudgingly does so.

Few years after going abroad, she decided to lockup and sends only 40k home which is supposed to cater for food for a month.
Now parents are retired, the whole family weight falls on my following sibling and I. The youngest one education is on me. Happy she will finish soon. Parents need to be supported in challenging times, one is coping with diabetes and the other is with some challenging issues I can't say here. Their savings are being sapped by their needs to keep living on.

But my so-called elder sister based in Canada despite knowing their condition is silent. She still sends her peanuts, while I and my younger brother who is an upcoming fashion designer do 2X what she does. This aches our parents and sometimes makes our mother cry and our father rant with regret.

A time now came, our mum got admitted in the hospital. Condition was so salient that she had to be hospitalized for weeks. Hospital bill was 450k. The Canada-based first born doing a good job, who was always talking to her, praying with her on phone, etc only sent 100k. We the others did the rest. Glad mum is back at home but her heart is broken and has refused to talk with her. She's been in Canada for 5 years and has refused to even support any of her siblings to come abroad too.

My other siblings say because we all refuse to be dictated to by her is the reason for her behaviour. I don't care. Mine is that if you know that you are going to be useless to a family, let your parents know before hand so the money used in training/feeding you can be used for farming business which will despite bad weather bring returns than on a child who feels is not obligated to support the parents who supported you all through.

Amayabor1:
Abeg rest. She is not doing well for herself but she don dey Canada for 5 years. Why she nor come back like some of her mates if she feels Canada is not favouring her?

She has delibrately decided not to help her siblings and parents. Some children are like that.

You can't be in Canada or US for 5 years and you send peanuts to your parents. You just don't want to help them. Not that you don't have. Or your money is going to projects they are not aware of.

donsheddy1:
Make I tell am?

In the African (Nigerian) settings, what she's doing now is a problem and an evil act.

Parents training a child is an obligation. The child did not beg parents to bring him/her to this world.

Parents need to work and save for the night time as children were never meant to be retirement plans.

Having said all these, Your parents didn't give birth to only her. If she have 10k, that's what she have so you and your parents should deal with it.

She has been born so she needs to setup her own life just as you too needs to do too.

Share the bills.

CosmicDust:
Here is my story....

I have a 3 siblings and I am at odds with my eldest who is a lady. The way it is, I may never have a conversation with her again.

She was the first person to be invested in by my parents after which I came. Luckily enough, she was able to strike gold in her career and do well for herself. She went abroad for her masters with my parents supporting with half-payment. Unfortunately, whenever it came to family demands and helping the other younger siblings, she has either been negligent or grudgingly does so.

Few years after going abroad, she decided to lockup and sends only 40k home which is supposed to cater for food for a month.
Now parents are retired, the whole family weight falls on my following sibling and I. The youngest one education is on me. Happy she will finish soon. Parents need to be supported in challenging times, one is coping with diabetes and the other is with some challenging issues I can't say here. Their savings are being sapped by their needs to keep living on.

But my so-called elder sister based in Canada despite knowing their condition is silent. She still sends her peanuts, while I and my younger brother who is an upcoming fashion designer do 2X what she does. This aches our parents and sometimes makes our mother cry and our father rant with regret.

A time now came, our mum got admitted in the hospital. Condition was so salient that she had to be hospitalized for weeks. Hospital bill was 450k. The Canada-based first born doing a good job, who was always talking to her, praying with her on phone, etc only sent 100k. We the others did the rest. Glad mum is back at home but her heart is broken and has refused to talk with her. She's been in Canada for 5 years and has refused to even support any of her siblings to come abroad too.

My other siblings say because we all refuse to be dictated to by her is the reason for her behaviour. I don't care. Mine is that if you know that you are going to be useless to a family, let your parents know before hand so the money used in training/feeding you can be used for farming business which will despite bad weather bring returns than on a child who feels is not obligated to support the parents who supported you all through.

CosmicDust:
Here is my story....

I have a 3 siblings and I am at odds with my eldest who is a lady. The way it is, I may never have a conversation with her again.

She was the first person to be invested in by my parents after which I came. Luckily enough, she was able to strike gold in her career and do well for herself. She went abroad for her masters with my parents supporting with half-payment. Unfortunately, whenever it came to family demands and helping the other younger siblings, she has either been negligent or grudgingly does so.

Few years after going abroad, she decided to lockup and sends only 40k home which is supposed to cater for food for a month.
Now parents are retired, the whole family weight falls on my following sibling and I. The youngest one education is on me. Happy she will finish soon. Parents need to be supported in challenging times, one is coping with diabetes and the other is with some challenging issues I can't say here. Their savings are being sapped by their needs to keep living on.

But my so-called elder sister based in Canada despite knowing their condition is silent. She still sends her peanuts, while I and my younger brother who is an upcoming fashion designer do 2X what she does. This aches our parents and sometimes makes our mother cry and our father rant with regret.

A time now came, our mum got admitted in the hospital. Condition was so salient that she had to be hospitalized for weeks. Hospital bill was 450k. The Canada-based first born doing a good job, who was always talking to her, praying with her on phone, etc only sent 100k. We the others did the rest. Glad mum is back at home but her heart is broken and has refused to talk with her. She's been in Canada for 5 years and has refused to even support any of her siblings to come abroad too.

My other siblings say because we all refuse to be dictated to by her is the reason for her behaviour. I don't care. Mine is that if you know that you are going to be useless to a family, let your parents know before hand so the money used in training/feeding you can be used for farming business which will despite bad weather bring returns than on a child who feels is not obligated to support the parents who supported you all through.

Gloriagee:
How bad can she be doing to be sending 40k? Unless she has a drug habit or shopping addiction, she can definitely do better...

Well, we move! That's my approach to life. I have zero expectations and that's putting it mildly. Just remove her from your mind and please don't wish her bad. Take care

Jacksparrow7:
What can be the problem:
Case 1:
Your sister survival instinct kicked years ago, but the family pretended to see nothing especially parents.
Case 2:
The family has an issues she hate.

Please solve the issue, every issue have a good calm solution

koolaid87:
Op, your sister can't be reasoned with. Just dey your lane and do all your best for your family. I commend you and your fellow siblings doing more despite having less.

Your Sister unfortunately is a narcissist. Most Women are like that. They just want control and nothing else. They are emotional but still can't be empathetic to one's struggle.

I feel for you cos I have one just like that.

May blessings come your way.

Peace to your parents

transient123:
It's a pity things have gone this sour.

My sincere advice is, blank her out and carry your responsibilities by taking good care of your parents and younger one.

She could be going through serious challenges which she didn't disclose.


It could be very challenging, trust me, when you rely on God then whatever you can do, God has a way of ensuring what she ought to be giving will come through you to your parents and sibling.

Never rely on humans, it will make you very independent and trusting God always. You will appear in the sight of man big, they will respect you beyond your understanding, it's God's way of doing things . Just ensure your sustenance is clean.

Shikena!

like1:
If this is not entitlement mentality I don't know what is it. OP do what you can do for your parents without complaining. No dey look your older sister. If you no fit too, lock up too and stop being a baby.

Your sister sends 40k monthly, she is already trying. You re calculating how much is 40k in Canadian dollars. You are even expecting your sister who has spent only 5 years in Canada to be able to have enough money to bring you abroad. If your sister id actually who you say she is, it is obvious entitlement mentality from your side is a major factor to the way she behaves.

Because there is nothing she ever does that will be appreciated.

Moreover, do you know her burdens in Canada, have you tried to inquire? Does she work as a student? 20 hours a week? Has she overstayed her visa and not able to renew and now staying illegally? What is her status in Canada.

CosmicDust:
Foolishness. So if your parents are in trouble, you will abandon them because they didn't save to avert the trouble. Sometimes i wonder if people like you have a conscience. You think only of yourselves but blame leaders when they are selfish. Hope your selfishness gives you everything you want.

CosmicDust:
Here is my story....

I have a 3 siblings and I am at odds with my eldest who is a lady. The way it is, I may never have a conversation with her again.

She was the first person to be invested in by my parents after which I came. Luckily enough, she was able to strike gold in her career and do well for herself. She went abroad for her masters with my parents supporting with half-payment. Unfortunately, whenever it came to family demands and helping the other younger siblings, she has either been negligent or grudgingly does so.

Few years after going abroad, she decided to lockup and sends only 40k home which is supposed to cater for food for a month.
Now parents are retired, the whole family weight falls on my following sibling and I. The youngest one education is on me. Happy she will finish soon. Parents need to be supported in challenging times, one is coping with diabetes and the other is with some challenging issues I can't say here. Their savings are being sapped by their needs to keep living on.

But my so-called elder sister based in Canada despite knowing their condition is silent. She still sends her peanuts, while I and my younger brother who is an upcoming fashion designer do 2X what she does. This aches our parents and sometimes makes our mother cry and our father rant with regret.

A time now came, our mum got admitted in the hospital. Condition was so salient that she had to be hospitalized for weeks. Hospital bill was 450k. The Canada-based first born doing a good job, who was always talking to her, praying with her on phone, etc only sent 100k. We the others did the rest. Glad mum is back at home but her heart is broken and has refused to talk with her. She's been in Canada for 5 years and has refused to even support any of her siblings to come abroad too.

My other siblings say because we all refuse to be dictated to by her is the reason for her behaviour. I don't care. Mine is that if you know that you are going to be useless to a family, let your parents know before hand so the money used in training/feeding you can be used for farming business which will despite bad weather bring returns than on a child who feels is not obligated to support the parents who supported you all through.

GudPpleG8Nation:
That means the moment a child clocks 18years old ( he's an adult legally and naturally) he should take responsibility for his or her education and needs so that the parents can also invest in their retirement plans.
You're entitled to your opinion but, sacrifices or not, we should care for the senior citizens amongst us not to talk of our parents.

spiralwedge:
Well, i see a lot of entitlement in your post. You, your siblings and your parents are not entitled to her money. Your parents did what they did because that’s what parents do to their kids. Children are not parents’ retirement plan. Do not blame the struggling girl in Canada for your parents’ poor retirement plans.

Though in African society where things don’t work, parents do this and wait for the kids to return the investment. You have to, however, realise that she’s in another clime where mentality must have changed with time. Also, it is very difficult to cope overseas, you have to always be on your feet. It’s not easy there, and their lives are usually planned based on their income with so much to pay for. So it might be difficult for her to be doling out money at every emergency from home.

I am sure you guys don’t even ask or care about her everyday struggles. You think she plucks money from the tree and she should just be wiring it to you folks?

spiralwedge:
Well, i see a lot of entitlement in your post. You, your siblings and your parents are not entitled to her money. Your parents did what they did because that’s what parents do to their kids. Children are not parents’ retirement plan. Do not blame the struggling girl in Canada for your parents’ poor retirement plans.

Though in African society where things don’t work, parents do this and wait for the kids to return the investment. You have to, however, realise that she’s in another clime where mentality must have changed with time. Also, it is very difficult to cope overseas, you have to always be on your feet. It’s not easy there, and their lives are usually planned based on their income with so much to pay for. So it might be difficult for her to be doling out money at every emergency from home.

I am sure you guys don’t even ask or care about her everyday struggles. You think she plucks money from the tree and she should just be wiring it to you folks?

CosmicDust:
So when you parents are sick and money is needed for their treatment, you will refuse to support. Then if they ask why, you accuse them of being entitled.
Sorry you got 💩 for brains.

GudPpleG8Nation:
Why insulting the op bro?

The lady in question is his blood sister which means he knows what he's saying. Did he complained about the lady not taking care of him? He is saying the lady is not taking responsibility on their parents.

No matter what she's doing in Canada, the first people to know what she's passing through is her parents, so for the parents to be angry with her means they know she's doing well.

xavuv:
What makes you think she's doing well for herself, Because she says so? Or you think so? ...She may just be hyping herself unnecessarily. Abroad is not a land flowing with milk and honey.

blackgold2018:
bro you have a point

But sincerely I’m speaking with experience. Did you know whether she knows confiding with her parents, will make the parents label her a failure?

Do you know whether she knows her parents are not understanding but resorted to pretend to them?

And I know what she did is wrong.. But op should man up and move on

spiralwedge:
You are stvpid for blaming your inability to read and comprehend on me.

Klass99:
Lmao . I feel you and I agree with this, parenting can be stressful and thankless.

I prefer to spend time and money on my parents than give birth to children to do so, because with my parents I am aware of the sacrifices they made, how it benefited and still benefits me today, and I am more than happy to reciprocate their care, do good and do right by them.

With a child or children........that's just a gamble with no guarantee of returns on investment and a risk I am not willing to take. Make I spend my money on the good humans who already exist as my family and friends, at least these relationships are mutually beneficial in real time, not heavily one sided and there's no waiting for years to reap the benefits as it is with children.

CosmicDust:
Foolishness. So if your parents are in trouble, you will abandon them because they didn't save to avert the trouble. Sometimes i wonder if people like you have a conscience. You think only of yourselves but blame leaders when they are selfish. Hope your selfishness gives you everything you want.

Klass99:
Lmao . I feel you and I agree with this, parenting can be stressful and thankless.

I prefer to spend time and money on my parents than give birth to children to do so, because with my parents I am aware of the sacrifices they made, how it benefited and still benefits me today, and I am more than happy to reciprocate their care, do good and do right by them.

With a child or children........that's just a gamble with no guarantee of returns on investment and a risk I am not willing to take. Make I spend my money on the good humans who already exist as my family and friends, at least these relationships are mutually beneficial in real time, not heavily one sided and there's no waiting for years to reap the benefits as it is with children.

spiralwedge:
You are stvpid for blaming your inability to read and comprehend on me.

Na this kain person, go take one verse from Bible or Quran and twist it like a fanatic werey.

CosmicDust:
So if you dey the same situation, you don't see it as your responsibility to care for those WHO CARED FOR YOU?
With this kind of mentality, maybe parents should also have the mentality that after secondary school, every mallam to his own kettle.




You are on point. It is a gamble, a child can turn good or bad.

donsheddy1:
That entitlement spirit you have right now is what will keep you where you are today. Plan your future today as children are never retirement plans. If Devil want to punish you, he gives you a worthless child and that investment you think you have in them is shattered in a split second.