Frustrated With My Wife - Family (3) - Nairaland
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| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Figger(m): 10:37am On Apr 10, 2023 |
HarunaWest:Believe me that guy na simp, what's he waiting for, get a side chick already if he doesn't want a divorce. Life is too short, don't trade ur happiness for anything, not even this trap called marriage. |
| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Figger(m): 10:46am On Apr 10, 2023 |
JeffreyJunior:you're wise, when a woman opens her mouth to ask for a divorce, it simply shows she's not into u anymore, she has completely lost interest in the union, best thing is to divorce. Make she no go poison u one day oh. I know women very well, they're heartless. |
| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by tomi4life(op): 11:02am On Apr 10, 2023 |
Why will I drop 97-98% of the finances to run the house then be cooking for the house and be doing house chores, it makes no sense. Yes i do this ones a while to surprise her and spice things up, but it should not be my joined role. She already has a maid who stays with us full time and supports her. Infact it is the maid that decide what the kids eat for most days. When we got married, I used to drive her to the market to buy her all she needs, even sometimes go myself, then one day we had a quarrel and she insults me on how I waste my time on the whole market thing, I just told her going forward she should go herself. Just for your information I do my laundry myself cos I notice my clothes can be left in the laundry basket for days or even weeks. What does it take her to put cloth in the washing machine and ask the maid to spread them when it dries. I also do the ironing for the house, I iron everyone's cloth both my own, my children's own and my wife for the entire week. To the finances, we already discussed this before marriage, I like to control my money and it okay for her to control her own, I dont want anyone to restrict my spending or take permission from anyone to give my money to who I like. Yes, my wifes earns well but I still earn much more thanks to God Almighty. I am cool with her working, and doing any extra curricular activities she wants. What I have a problem with is her neglecting her roles as a wife and mother, in the name of being busy. I have explained to her, all these activities dont bring value to the home, they are good for her and herself development. I want her to grow, develop and succeed however she needs to know the family is very important. She has a help who does 90 percent of all the house chores. She just needs to coordinate and ensure things are done rightly. I have adjusted to the sex life and would tolerate things, it is the food part that is really getting to me. jesmond3945: |
| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Figger(m): 11:03am On Apr 10, 2023*. Modified: 1:13pm On Apr 10, 2023 |
tomi4life:Forget about the fact that you're a the provider, na she dey run ur home not u, she's the one in charge. Why haven't u reported her to her parents, don't keep quiet and die in silence. |
| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by NoToPile: 11:21am On Apr 10, 2023 |
tomi4life:You want your marriage to work very good you will have to be the one to do all the work initially, she will come around. She's snapping something is wrong, it's a sign of being overwhelmed by a lot of things, why not find out what the problem is exactly,someone said up there her love language is act of service if you like talk from today till tomorrow buy all the gifts if you don't do these things in actions it will yield no result. Actions actions and actions, For e. g I say I am stressed and tired (or If you think I am stressed and tired) and you re not doing anything to help me out of it, you now say leave it and you don't try to make to take an action to at least ease the stress a little there will be a resentment and it will just keep building. Sadly most men don't understand this. Don't talk too much just act, she will notice. Sometimes marriage can be the biggest political field. |
| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by jesmond3945: 11:56am On Apr 10, 2023 |
tomi4life:like i said you are not doing your wife a favour by helping in the house. Your talk of surprising her by helping her in the house is just being naive to say the least. It is your house, it is your food. I am not saying you should not provide or drop finances. However, that you are providing finanaces is commendable. Your wife is doing same. If you divorce your wife now, she would assume responsibility over the house immediately. So is not a big deal bro. If you can help in the house, if not continue to provide for the family. I am sorry she insulted you for going to the market. However, you are going to the market for you, for your kids, for the kids, for the family. You are not doing your wife any favor by going to the market. If she insults you for doing the right thing call her to order. Continue ironing, is the right thing to do. If she deliberately leaves your clothes in the basket, then she is unhappy with you. Put yours in the machine, when you see hers, you leave it as well. I told you, there is nothing like roles. She is earning, you are earning no big deal. This is the modern world. She is ambitious. She is doing it for the kids. If you complain about it too much, she would leave you and she has her own money. You have to change your orientation about things so that you enjoy your marriage. |
| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by RightToReject(m): 12:16pm On Apr 10, 2023 |
I will put 90% of the blame on your desk. This is so, given that women are easily malleable. So, your lack of grit (and ignorance in general) are the major causes of the nonsense that is going on in the union. A weak and/or ignorant leader breeds a dysfunctional union/society. It is the lack of grit that makes you not have a set relational standard in the union in particular and personal philosophy in general. If you were to be a gritty man, you would expect and accept nothing less than conscientious acts from her at every given time - of course, without expecting her to accept anything below that from you. In the absence of altruism - or even in the presence of altruism - that is the benchmark, knowingly or unknowingly, of any true mutually healthy relationship, whether in marriage or any other form of meaningful relationship: - In conscientiousness lies volitional/mandatory commitment to strive to do what is right at every given time. For instance, I'm yet to see the essence of having a wife that works and earns good pay that can't cheerfully and selflessly take charge of some running cost of the home even if the man doesn't want her to. So, ban her from working and earning money or discard her. - In conscientiousness, there's an absence of indulgence, even though it recognizes and encourages tolerance and patience. Stop enabling her pettiness/toxicity. She's a choice of being a dutiful wife or an oppressed wife, or a divorced woman - the latter will become necessary in case you don't take delight in being cruel to a toxic/petty person around you. Meanwhile, it's your ignorance that makes you fail to see that she didn't have an altruistic interest in you; therefore, you should have known not to have expected her to be caring, thoughtful, compassionate, and kind towards you without assertively pronouncing conscientiousness the bond of the union while the negation of it automatically means a declaration of war. You need some grit to fight the war and discernment to win, or at worse, you need them to dissolve the union on principle. Living without minding giving/losing anything/anyone on principle is the highest and most fulfilling point of living. In summary, strive to conquer yourself without striving to conquer her, and love yourself without hating her. |
| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by ItisWell22(f): 12:28pm On Apr 10, 2023 |
Kobojunkie:Intensive and extensive counseling sessions! 😢 Op, God help your marriage… 🙏 |
| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Baronthecelebri(m): 1:05pm On Apr 10, 2023 |
tomi4life:you're very stupid, instead to divorce that bastard you call wife, you're here talking trash, you're big fool, your wife is cheating on you,run a DNA test on your children. |
| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by eniolorunfe: 1:17pm On Apr 10, 2023 |
tomi4life:I think your number 2 reason is actually your number 1 reason. If all you wrote is true, even if divorce is not an option, separation should be. It seems you don’t even respect / value yourself enough, so how do you expect someone else (your wife) to respect you? Despite the age gap between you and your wife, you can’t take charge of your home/family and put things in order. You seem to prefer to live a lie than face the truth. |
| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Biglittlelois(f): 1:41pm On Apr 10, 2023 |
She already told you to dissolve the marriage, that is a deal breaker to me cos for her to mention it several times, she has mentally exited the marriage, she's only physically there, that alone has given her an edge over you. I'll advice you separate since divorce is against your rule, pls separate to get your sanity back, separation is not a sin. |
| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by danzaki63: 2:41pm On Apr 10, 2023 |
See a marriage counsellor immediately, if she doesnt improve on her behaviour, then have a rethink, both of you are still young. |
| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Kobojunkie: 4:36pm On Apr 10, 2023 |
SunderJosh1234:If you have to resort to manipulating ego's in relationship, you move from having a healthy relationship to what amounts to a competitiive one likely with someone whom you already perceive as your enemy that needs to be subdued by you. That is an imprisonment not a marriage. ![]() |
| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Kobojunkie: 4:37pm On Apr 10, 2023 |
olril17:Exactly! ![]() |
| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by olril17(m): 4:38pm On Apr 10, 2023 |
ravensckar:Well I didn’t insulted you and still wouldn’t do so. However what you described in your marriage is nothing but emotional torture. Goodluck. |
| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Kobojunkie: 4:40pm On Apr 10, 2023*. Modified: 7:35pm On Apr 10, 2023 |
ceeceeuwa:1. OP wants the marriage to work because as he explained, he does not believe in divorce, and not that he loves his wife or something. As a matter of fact, OPs own words reveal he is a following a script and not reacting out of love in all he continues to do. Below are OP's own reasons for wanting to remain in the marriage. tomi4life:None of the above says, "I don't want a divorce because I love my wife", so conclusions here are in fact very unfair. ![]() |
| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Kobojunkie: 4:43pm On Apr 10, 2023 |
olril17:Thank you! ![]() |
| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Rexymania(m): 6:44pm On Apr 10, 2023 |
That your wife is very stingy |
| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Darkerberry: 6:57pm On Apr 10, 2023*. Modified: 9:38pm On Jul 21, 2023 |
Kobojunkie:The OP adjusting is part of taking actions which of course is a necessary thing but then if God doesn't build a house, they labour in vain that try to build.. Christ may not come for purpose of marriage but He came to give us the privilege to ask for things that we want in His name..as it matters to the OP. Thank u |
| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Kobojunkie: 7:29pm On Apr 10, 2023 |
Darkerberry:1. First and foremost, God does not build a house because men request it from Him. Rather, God builds a house of His own choosing. Second, the one and only House that God built is the House of Jacob. That is the House that God took for Himself as His inheritance in the land of men. So, please before you run away with any soundbite that is fed to you by your pastors and mogs, make sure to take time to investigate what scripture really says so you don't end up propagating ignorant delusions as a result. ![]() 2. According to God, and Jesus Christ, the prayers of sinners are an abomination to God — their sins literally taint all their requests and make them filthy and unacceptable to God. So you have it that God does not answer the prayers of sinners, not even their petitions for the forgiveness of sins go unanswered by Him. Now, God answers all of the prayers — not some — of the righteous and according to Jesus Christ, they are those who live their lives in continuous submission and obedience to His commandments and teachings — the charge to abandon Father, mother, wife, husband, children, friends, etc., for the sake of the Kingdom of God - Matthew 10 vs 34 - 39 & Luke 14 vs 26 & Luke 18 vs 29 & Mark 10 vs 29 & Matthew 19 vs 29. So, you see, your notion of who Jesus Christ is does not align at all with that stated in Jesus Christ's own Gospel. ![]() It is really best to leave God and His mention out of these things, particularly since what most subscribe to are instead delusions and not that which is in fact of God. Look at what OP himself has claimed. He uses scripture as his excuse to refuse his wife a divorce, completely ignoring the fact that Jesus Christ instead said in His Gospels that divorce is not a sin. OP points out his wife's religious background, as though a fault against her when his own religious activities which stare him in the face he conveniently ignores. ![]() |
| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Edavi234: 7:45pm On Apr 10, 2023 |
STARGREEN:For how long? Until he is 80 yrs of age? It takes two committed and mature apple to make a union blossom.. That's not the case here - IT WILL NOT WORK. |
| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Edavi234: 7:53pm On Apr 10, 2023 |
Dogalmighty17:Marriage is worth it.. The question should rather be : is my spouse worth my devotion and time anymore? The reason is because it takes two devoted and ready people to build a unique companionship. The both of you must be ready for it or NOTHING! One person's commitment cannot make it work.. So carefully rethink and make a better decision. Time is everything.. At some point in life, you must choose your own happiness and peace of mind. |
| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by OkoYibo: 8:07pm On Apr 10, 2023 |
Marriage is not by force. Call her family and give her an ultimatum to change or you will be forced to take drastic action that you can't reverse. If she doesn't change, get a new wife. I have noticed that women don't behave until they have competition. |
| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Spiritualsdeeps: 8:09pm On Apr 10, 2023 |
Investigate Spiritually your Partner at an earlier stage before you fully walk Into that Marriage . Check my Signature |
| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Simplecity(m): 8:10pm On Apr 10, 2023 |
Spark seems to be fading....you need to reignite it🤔 |
| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Titilayo4life: 8:11pm On Apr 10, 2023 |
Na werin many Nigerians dey face and guess what, she will be acting like she's a victim. Most Nigerian ladies are narcissist. |
| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by hustla(m): 8:11pm On Apr 10, 2023*. Modified: 10:01am On Apr 11, 2023 |
JeffreyJunior:You have said it all She opted to dissolve and baba was begging... A man can easily remarry but a woman with 2/3 kids, make she dey play ![]() Appears he loves her more than she loves him and she knows.. Hence the nonsense behavior |
| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Hayigaw: 8:11pm On Apr 10, 2023 |
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| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Nobody: 8:12pm On Apr 10, 2023 |
Me I just want to clarify something, that someone is staying at home working remotely doesn't mean they are not working, infact why you are stuck in traffic they are busting there heads. So she goes to work one day in a week is not making any sense. |
| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by callmevirus(m): 8:13pm On Apr 10, 2023 |
You married a spiritual wife like Iyaebegreat |
| Re: Frustrated With My Wife by Kobojunkie: 8:13pm On Apr 10, 2023 |
hustla:1. Most men who "easily" remarry find themselves in the same exact situation they left off in their previous relationship. So what good is it that one can "easily" remarry when by doing so you don't in fact learn from your past mistakes enough to ensure they do not repeat themselves in your next chance? ![]() |
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