I will try to be brief and straight to the point.

My wife stays up late (11pm -12 am) every blessed day.... That's the problem.

We live in Lagos and have 2kids, 3yo and 8 months. My wife was working before but left the job when she gave birth. There is a job waiting for her when the baby is 1y6mnths, therefore she is a stay at home mom.

We live on the mainland but I work on the island so I live home as early as five. In our house we have all the amenities you can think of; 24 hrs light (NEPA plus inverter), running water, gas, 2 washing machines etc to make a home 95percent comfortable but my wife can't seem to cope and it started when we had one child.

She doesn't wash my clothes, my office shirts and suits are given to dry cleaner to arrange while my other laundry I do myself every weekend with the washing machine.

When I get home by 7pm or 8, that's when she now starts rushing to bath the kids and prepare dinner, so we eat by 9 or 10. Before the kids play play and play, by 11pm we are still awake. Sometimes I go to bed by midnight and have to wake up by 4am to go to work again. It's impacting on my health and my work. She will sleep by 12 am and wake up by 8 or 9am the following day.

I have tried to beg and appeal to her. If I eat out and come home to just sleep, she go dey vex. If I just come home shower and sleep the kids who have passed their bedtime will be playing and when madam is ready to sleep they won't agree to sleep. She will beat them, guess who they will come crying to- daddy that just started sleeping and has to wake by 4am, I will now pet and pet till 2am before kids sleep.. I have advised her that kids have a bedtime(8pm). When I man up and off the tv by 9pm and tell everyone to go to bed, she says I am disrespecting her. She reports me to her mum.

Worse still our sex life is horrible... We have sex like once in 2 month.. At 35 I am in my sex prime and can Bleep everyday but she doesn't seem to care about me because she is always tired am I pity her so I don't demand sex so much.

I fully understand stay at home is not easy and I help her when.

I tried to create a schedule for her.

Wake up by 6am
By 7 she suppose don clean finish
By 8 breakfast should be ready for her, kids
9-10am bath herself and the kids
10-12 do any other stuff in the house
12-3pm rest, watch movies, chill
3-5pm... Do whatever she likes
5pm boil water and bath the kids
6pm she don bathe and bath kids
7pm... Food don done... Everything dey freezer
8pm we eat
By 9 everyone goes to bed and we knack 1hr

I throw the trash every day
Na me dey go market buy foodstuff
On weekends I clean the house
I wash my all my clothes
I provide all the finance in the house
I satisfy her on the bed when we naka. She begs me that she's tired
I buy her gifts, drop 3k for her everyday
Why should we have a house help when she is a stat at home mum (for now)

So what's the problem..


Mothers, are my demands too much?
Mothers, please when do you close your kitchen and go to bed?
Are you still awake by 11pm every blessed day.
Am I crazy?

Please advice me.

I have begged her, pleaded, shouted, done everything. Sometimes I intentionally come home late (10-11pm) thinking that the kids have gone to bed but my first child will be watching cartoon.

Please advice me. I am going crazy, Lagos is stressful

Militant1:
I will try to be brief and straight to the point.

My wife stays up late (11pm -12 am) every blessed day.... That's the problem.

We live in Lagos and have 2kids, 3yo and 8 months. My wife was working before but left the job when she gave birth. There is a job waiting for her when the baby is 1y6mnths, therefore she is a stay at home mom.

We live on the mainland but I work on the island so I live home as early as five. In our house we have all the amenities you can think of; 24 hrs light (NEPA plus inverter), running water, gas, 2 washing machines etc to make a home 95percent comfortable but my wife can't seem to cope and it started when we had one child.

She doesn't wash my clothes, my office shirts and suits are given to dry cleaner to arrange while my other laundry I do myself every weekend with the washing machine.

When I get home by 7pm or 8, that's when she now starts rushing to bath the kids and prepare dinner, so we eat by 9 or 10. Before the kids play play and play, by 11pm we are still awake. Sometimes I go to bed by midnight and have to wake up by 4am to go to work again. It's impacting on my health and my work. She will sleep by 12 am and wake up by 8 or 9am the following day.

I have tried to beg and appeal to her. If I eat out and come home to just sleep, she go dey vex. If I just come home shower and sleep the kids who have passed their bedtime will be playing and when madam is ready to sleep they won't agree to sleep. She will beat them, guess who they will come crying to- daddy that just started sleeping and has to wake by 4am, I will now pet and pet till 2am before kids sleep.. I have advised her that kids have a bedtime(8pm). When I man up and off the tv by 9pm and tell everyone to go to bed, she says I am disrespecting her. She reports me to her mum.

Worse still our sex life is horrible... We have sex like once in 2 month.. At 35 I am in my sex prime and can Bleep everyday but she doesn't seem to care about me because she is always tired am I pity her so I don't demand sex so much.

I fully understand stay at home is not easy and I help her when.

I tried to create a schedule for her.

Wake up by 6am
By 7 she suppose don clean finish
By 8 breakfast should be ready for her, kids
9-10am bath herself and the kids
10-12 do any other stuff in the house
12-3pm rest, watch movies, chill
3-5pm... Do whatever she likes
5pm boil water and bath the kids
6pm she don bathe and bath kids
7pm... Food don done... Everything dey freezer
8pm we eat
By 9 everyone goes to bed and we knack 1hr

I throw the trash every day
Na me dey go market buy foodstuff
On weekends I clean the house
I wash my all my clothes
I provide all the finance in the house
I satisfy her on the bed when we naka. She begs me that she's tired
I buy her gifts, drop 3k for her everyday
Why should we have a house help when she is a stat at home mum (for now)

So what's the problem..


Mothers, are my demands too much?
Mothers, please when do you close your kitchen and go to bed?
Are you still awake by 11pm every blessed day.
Am I crazy?

Please advice me.

I have begged her, pleaded, shouted, done everything. Sometimes I intentionally come home late (10-11pm) thinking that the kids have gone to bed but my first child will be watching cartoon.

Please advice me. I am going crazy, Lagos is stressful

.

a very happy family i guess and a good man who provides all the woman wants.

the problem i see here are eating late, lack of sex, and not doing your laundry. how old is she

godfrey02:
.

a very happy family i guess and a good man who provides all the woman wants.

the problem i see here are eating late, lack of sex, and not doing your laundry. how old is she

Doing my laundry is not the problem... I can do it comfortably every weekend with the machine cos am not lazy and I can afford to give office clothes to drycleaner . The problem is that she doesn't do what she ought to do before 9pm for everyone to go and sleep. The sex is something else. I watch videos of pregnant women demanding sex from their husbands but for me, the two kids we have we didn't have sex for like 11months each. We have been married for 4 years and I can tell u confidently that 2 years in that period we haven't had sex.......

Jeeeez, get her the damn help! It doesn't matter if she's a SAHM, in fact they are more tired than working class moms, pls get her a help.

If all you type are true then take a drastic decision and call your wife to order and you should be the one to decide how the home is run since you provide everything. I dislike women who stress good men. Husbands should be tired of sex and not begging for it. Please take charge of your home and clip her wings so she’ll know what been a wife entails.

Maybe she needs to start doing something with that she'll know how to manage her time.
As she's at home,she feels she can acquire everything within a short space of time, forgetting that with kids housework can be terrible.
About your sex matter, I would have said you should have a warm conversation with her, and know her reasons for refusing it.
If it's health wise, you both should work on it BUT if she's just being selfish, just let her be and do whatsoever that is in your mind.
I just hate someone torturing someone emotionally.

As she don talk say she no want get peace for her house, then give her the opposite!! Nobody get monopoly to intentionally hurt another person.

Militant1:



Doing my laundry is not the problem... I can do it comfortably every weekend with the machine cos am not lazy and I can afford to give office clothes to drycleaner . The problem is that she doesn't do what she ought to do before 9pm for everyone to go and sleep. The sex is something else. I watch videos of pregnant women demanding sex from their husbands but for me, the two kids we have we didn't have sex for like 11months each. We have been married for 4 years and I can tell u confidently that 2 years in that period we haven't had sex.......

Bosss you try oh .. speak your mind to her and if she does not change after some period, make her jealous when it comes to that sex. Get yourself a steady clean babe that's ready to give you back to back.

Ogbanje spirit?

Militant1:
Mothers, are my demands too much?
Mothers, please when do you close your kitchen and go to bed? Are you still awake by 11pm every blessed day. Am I crazy? Please advice me.

I have begged her, pleaded, shouted, done everything. Sometimes I intentionally come home late (10-11pm) thinking that the kids have gone to bed but my first child will be watching cartoon.

Please advice me. I am going crazy, Lagos is stressful

You only told us of what your wife doesn't have to do all day but you forgot to tell us what you have observed her doing during the day, even on the weekends when you are home with her and the kids.

Anyways, from the much you have revealed, your wife may be struggling with mental health issues that you have yet to key into. Please try to suggest you both see mental health therapists either individually to help you tackle the stress in your lives. Do so as respectfully as possible as this is a sensitive subject.

You say there is a job waiting for her once your kid turns 1 year 6 months, if she is not able to cope at home, I doubt she will be able to transition smoothly to a busy work life if something is not done soonest.

@ militant1, if everything u narrated here is true then, i Pity u.

There should be rules and regulations in every home if not, we women will behave anyhow.

Ur demands ain't too much, and u ain't crazy either, ur wife isn't wise enough to recognize ur important needs in the home.

Kobojunkie:
You only told us of what your wife doesn't have to do all day but you forgot to tell us what you have observed her doing during the day, even on the weekends when you are home with her and the kids.

Anyways, from the much you have revealed, your wife may be struggling with mental health issues that you have yet to key into. Please try to suggest you both see mental health therapists either individually to help you tackle the stress in your lives. Do so as respectfully as possible as this is a sensitive subject to most.

..... Pls why is it that anytime a woman is accused of domestic violence,most of you ladies will not condemn her but will say she's either mentally unstable or possessed?

But once is a man,you all will tag him evil.
Just like the case of Osinachi,s husband. Can we also say he has a mental health issue or maybe possessed?

JONNYSPUTE:
..... Pls why is it that anytime a woman is accused of domestic violence,most of you ladies will not condemn her but will say she's either mentally unstable or possessed?

Domestic violence? I am afraid I don't follow at all.

Did OP accuse his wife of domestic violence?

Kobojunkie:
Domestic violence? I am afraid I don't follow at all.

Did OP accuse his wife of domestic violence?

.... What will call what she is doing?

If she can beat the op up she wouldn't mind.

JONNYSPUTE:
.... What will call what she is doing? If she can beat the op up she wouldn't mind.

How does any of what OP described amount to domestic violence or her wanting to beat him up? You will need to fill me in cause I don't think as you do.

Kobojunkie:
How does any of what OP described amount to domestic violence or her wanting to beat him up? You will need to fill me in cause I don't think as you do.

.... Forget it then since you don't know what such abuse can cause in the family.

She has issues with time management and procrastination. I will do it later before you know it, time is gone.

Militant1:
I will try to be brief and straight to the point.




I fully understand stay at home is not easy and I help her when.

I tried to create a schedule for her.

Wake up by 6am
By 7 she suppose don clean finish
By 8 breakfast should be ready for her, kids
9-10am bath herself and the kids
10-12 do any other stuff in the house
12-3pm rest, watch movies, chill
3-5pm... Do whatever she likes
5pm boil water and bath the kids
6pm she don bathe and bath kids
7pm... Food don done... Everything dey freezer
8pm we eat
By 9 everyone goes to bed and we knack 1hr

I throw the trash every day
Na me dey go market buy foodstuff
On weekends I clean the house
I wash my all my clothes
I provide all the finance in the house
I satisfy her on the bed when we naka. She begs me that she's tired
I buy her gifts, drop 3k for her everyday
Why should we have a house help when she is a stat at home mum (for now)

So what's the problem..


Mothers, are my demands too much?
Mothers, please when do you close your kitchen and go to bed?
Are you still awake by 11pm every blessed day.
Am I crazy?

Please advice me.

I have begged her, pleaded, shouted, done everything. Sometimes I intentionally come home late (10-11pm) thinking that the kids have gone to bed but my first child will be watching cartoon.

Please advice me. I am going crazy, Lagos is stressful

Oga this your schedule no go work, time tables do not work when dealing with toddlers. I was just laughing reading your timetable. Nacking everyday . Welcome to parenthood 101. Sometimes mothers plan with a schedule but it just doesn't work, toddlers are very unpredictable, it's the time you want to rest they want to play. Its when you are all set for church or school one will want to poo or wee.

The issue now is cartoon seems to be a mechanism some mothers use to cope nowadays its not healthy but it gives some mothers time to do some chores when they are watching baby shark



Two things you should ensure,

1. Try and eat early so you would sleep early let her understand how eating early translates to sleeping early and waking early to a productive day means for you. She should try adjust the timing of cooking. Your sanity and health is very important to cope with the Lagos craze, understand that even your wife would also want to sleep early but she can't until the kids sleep.

2. Once you want the children to sleep, when they have rested after meal, switch off the lights from the change over switch. The whole house should be dark. Those little beings can be very smart, once there's light they will be shaking their little bomboms round the whole house. Once it's dark they will sleep, just put on small not bright Rechargable in the room and one of you guys stay with them they will sleep off sooner.

I believe those are the two major issues, as for Nacking everyday bros forget am e no go happen.

You also have the impression that a stay at home mum does not need a help, very wrong. Understand that the only time she can get some sleep/rest is if both kids are sleeping, one has to watch little children and never leave them unattended to.

If you guys can afford to, get someone to come in to do the cleaning/help once or twice weekly, she will have more time for Nacking


Now to your questions

Mothers, are my demands too much?
Mothers, please when do you close your kitchen and go to bed?
Are you still awake by 11pm every blessed day.
Am I crazy?

Yes with the everyday Nacking part, also schedules almost never work with toddlers, in their creche it will but at home their comfort zone I don't think so. Your demands are okay with eating and sleeping early but these kids ehn

Kitchen no dey close oo, baby might want to drink tea by 2am. bedtime depends on a whole lot of factors, it can be as early as 9-10pm and as late as 1 am.

Most times a lot of mothers are still awake by that time.

Not totally

Hehehehhee... This op no serious. So all the activities in the schedule you created for her is all on her neck and hers to do. while your own is just to come and nack for one hour? Hahahahaha.. .. funny.

Maybe you think she's a robot that can consistently carry out those task everyday without any lapses.

Op, wehdon, Mr knacker.

Your wife is lazy, I'm sure you saw that before marriage but ignored it...That's not the issue now,...

The solution is to get a day time housekeeper to help. Fund it by reducing her allowance and using part of it to pay for a housekeeper. There's a lot worse than marrying a lazy woman. Just do what you can to reduce problems in your home.

Militant1:



Doing my laundry is not the problem... I can do it comfortably every weekend with the machine cos am not lazy and I can afford to give office clothes to drycleaner . The problem is that she doesn't do what she ought to do before 9pm for everyone to go and sleep. The sex is something else. I watch videos of pregnant women demanding sex from their husbands but for me, the two kids we have we didn't have sex for like 11months each. We have been married for 4 years and I can tell u confidently that 2 years in that period we haven't had sex.......

Low sex drive I guess. That's why we sometimes advocate for sex before marriage. You must know what you're getting into. Unfortunately, you're in it now. You guys should go see a therapist or you learn to live with it. I don't advocate for extra marital affairs, they usually don't end well.

From what you stated, it appears she has issues with time management.

This, you should help her to adjust her schedule as much as practicable. If you must stand your ground on it. Please do. You people are still in early stage of your marriage. Or what I call the comfort zone of the marriage where all parties will show their true selves. At this stage, you will see each other in 3D. You must be firm and lovingly correct your partner over those their true selves that you don't like.

So, on time management, coach her lovingly and but be firm until she gets it.

You didn't tell us about how big the house is, how active the kids are that can prevent her from doing other things while watching the kids. You didn't also tell us how she spends most of her day. Is she busy or just watching Telemundo all day? If she is busy through out the day, get her a house help (if you can afford it).

On the sex, sex of 2 years in 4 years is not healthy, most especially as you are complaining about it. Call her and discuss it with her. She is your wife, both of you must be able to discuss your sex life freely.

After the discussion, try to understand her love language. I guess you should know them by now. Play the love language regularly. See, many men forget how they woo their girlfriend when she becomes their wife. They become complacent in playing those love languages. Before you know it, the love relationship between them and their wives becomes boring. Spice things up! Both of you are in the prime of it.

lilioj:
Jeeeez, get her the damn help! It doesn't matter if she's a SAHM, in fact they are more tired than working class moms, pls get her a help.

I 'll disagree on him getting her a maid, cause I really don't see much work since she's a home stay mum for now, what I'll suggest is you keep talking and encourage her that she can do more.

Blessedmercy8:
Hehehehhee... This op no serious. So all the activities in the schedule you created for her is all on her neck and hers to do. while your own is just to come and nack for one hour? Hahahahaha.. .. funny.

Maybe you think she's a robot that can consistently carry out those task everyday without any lapses.

Op, wehdon, Mr knacker.

So, sex once in 2 months is okay for a married couple living under same roof? Wait until when you marry before you understand.

Helpout12345:


So, sex once in 2 months is okay for a married couple living under same roof? Wait until when you marry before you understand.

I never said that. There must be a reason she's always too tired for it which the op already mentioned that it all started after their first child. You think it's easy to cater for those children that can be a handful most times and still have the stamina to come and be having sex everyday?

It's easy for the Op to be talking like this because his own is only to go to work and come back to already set home and meal. Only the woman will do all that. Abeg it's not easy.

Blessedmercy8:



I never said that. There must be a reason she's always too tired for it which the op already mentioned that it all started after their first child. You think it's easy to cater for those children that can be a handful most times and still have the stamina to come and be having sex everyday?

It's easy for the Op to be talking like this because his own is only to go to work and come back to already set home and meal. Only the woman will do all that. Abeg it's not easy.

Go back and read what OP posted again. This time around read with no sentiment or urge to defend the woman. See things from both sides of the parties. Maybe that will help you not to be too fast to take side and be defending the woman. And base your advise on only the information provided by the OP. No stereotype, no generalization, no assumption.

You married a baby girl...

ogub:
I 'll disagree on him getting her a maid cause I really don't see much work since she's a home stay mum for now what I'll suggest is you keep talking and encourage her that she can do more.

Yeah right, being a SAHM is not much work according to Nairalanders.

Your wife must be watching a lot of Zee World and Star life. She’s very glued to TV. Stop subscribing for the Pay TV and let her stick to NTA.

I hate nonsense biko!

crackhaus:
You married a baby girl...

No be small baby girl ... A lazy & self-centered one at that. " My wife is beautifull " group.

Oga let her be jare, which one is your wife stays late. Authority.
I didn't see any tangible reason from all you mentioned above
What happened to being a sweet husband, I bet your controlling personality is what putting her off sexually.
Be her man, draw her closer to you, in terms of emotions let her rely on you, look away over little things, get her a help if she needs it.


Men should stop the idea of I married her so giving me sex is her responsibility, actually it's her responsibility but she owns the puxxy, you must be soft to get it no matter how strong you think you are else you go still get it but e no go sweet or belleful you. If you do things right na she go dey come for it.

Helpout12345:


Go back and read what OP posted again. This time around read with no sentiment or urge to defend the woman. See things from both sides of the parties. Maybe that will help you not to be too fast to take side and be defending the woman. And base your advise on only the information provided by the OP. No stereotype, no generalization, no assumption.