₦airaland Forum

One of the hardest thing to change is a Nigerian mother/Woman following a Nigerian prophet.

Women are in all shades of character. Even though, courtship is important before marriage but it doesn't just do it all. My wife and I courted for almost 2years before marriage but after we got married, it was as if we never knew each at all before then.
Fighting, shouting, bickering, complaints and more complaints and more shouting. We are both quick to temper and I think I am worse but I lover her very much, she is self sacrificing. I respect her for that, she shares though with caution
Well... So far so good we are about 8years in marriage and still managing ourselves.
I don't know what to advice you seriously @Op. It seems your wife is strong-willed and may be difficult to please. She has her priorities which are about herself and not both of you. It will not be easy my friend, I guess you just have to carry your cross bro!

Don't worry, when the cup full, you guys will sort yourselves out.

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

Man born of a woman is of a few days full of trouble... My brother life is short, get a second wife

Asour:
Who invented this love language gimmick?
This false dichotomy that one's love language is one thing to the exclusion of other things is a 21st century marketing strategy to sell books & Seminar.
Love is sacrifice. Anything more is supplementary.
MGHU.

My dear, I have had experience for many, many years. I counsel couples. It does not matter who invented it ow whether it is a gimmick. The question is "when put into practice, does it work?" If it does, case closed.
I have seen more marriages restored with understanding and applying love languages than I have seen with people trying to force their partners into a mould that they want.
Nairaland people just want to destroy this marriage - these issues can be taken care of, yet they are all over this thread suggesting bad things

Dogalmighty17:
Your situation sounds just exactly like mine. I have never believed in divorce. But God knows I have been pushed to the wall. I won't tell you to be patient and understanding. I know that for you to make this post now shows how deeply pained you are.
At the end of the day, the question we should all ask ourselves is this: Is marriage worth it?

Azzin this is my story wanted to mail op if he stays around my area and put out my story

Have to say this....
If one is wrong...doesn't always take the guy to make things right......?!
Many a ladies have testosterone building in them....
When they have more dough, it's either the man play wife or wat the hell....?!
My advice..if you still want this to work....
Play the man and play dead....go to Christ...He sees.....
She'll come round...if she doesn't, she never was yours....
It's a battle mow

I fell your pain my brother
It is only people that are involved in this situation can know how you felt
Firstly, I thank God that you're a man indeed by providing for the necessity (if not you would've see the other side of her)
Pray and inform your pastor for intervention and God will perfect you home and restore the wind of your marriage in Jesus name

DonTim1:
She's not married to her dream husband, she tolerates the one she is married to. Just my thoughts.

You still young, live your life, indulge in new activities, in fact, delegate all but one of your expectations to the maid, close your eyes to responsibilities from her so much that she envies your new happiness, however you this, put yourself first and be happy.

This is assuming you didn't induce her new found personality.

I'm not sure you're married. Even if you are, you are clearly not experienced enough.

ire803386:
■ Azzin this is my story wanted to mail op if he stays around my area and put out my story

1. Consider marriage counseling and be willing to renegotiate the terms of your marriage contract/agreement.

Dogalmighty17:
Your situation sounds just exactly like mine. I have never believed in divorce. But God knows I have been pushed to the wall. I won't tell you to be patient and understanding. I know that for you to make this post now shows how deeply pained you are.
At the end of the day, the question we should all ask ourselves is this: Is marriage worth it?

God is really supreme. He knows that there was no way I am taking such.

Dem never born the woman wey I go take such stupidity from.

Everybody go find him level immediately. Here in Africa, people go dey shame of marriage breakup....imagine! I should come and stress myself to death because I marry wife...

How can someone be in satanic bondage in the guise of marriage? Una dey try sha. I no fit.

Anyways, it is common in homes where dem carry religion matter for head... We wey no kuku no wetin be religion...our peace of mind and sanity dey more important us than a million shouts of fake and deceitful hallelujahs.

Me own be say, e get how you go even talk to me condescendingly, I go ban attendance to Church, since e no get wetin you dey learn from there.

One of the best advice here.

HarunaWest:
Someone already told you that you guys should dissolve the union and you are here saying that divorce is not in the table. You have a fundamental problem. It's you that is the problem not your wife.

Exist is never a solution, besides the situation is not hopeless, the guy seems to have a boring personality and he is tew predictable

Women like fun guyz, men that are daring and unpredictable, it doesnt mean OP as to change who he is, but he needs to spice things up LET the wife start having doubts the man in the oza room is jubril from sudan and not the buhari she married.
Since money is not an issue, try take her out .... in my experience when i take women out they get so turned ON that it always end in sex , who knows if that will open her up

Women like gossip , start gisting with her even if she seems not to show interest just do it,
For a Marriage that involves kids Divorce no be easy path, OP must consider the mental health of those kids

All the best @ tomi4life

Two things are involved in your situation


1. Your wife is fumbling by not taming her hypergamous nature.. she letting her woman nature take over her which is mostly expected from women..

2. Your masculine frame has been subdue for long... Reclaim your throne by any legal means possible. Otherwise you may loose your wife now that you have lost your authority..

It's only a matter she will file for divorce it's obvious she is cheating on you already..

ravensckar:
Mr. OP, first of all, I sympathize with you on what you're going through in your marriage. May the Almighty God take absolute control.

Secondly, what you mentioned that your wife is doing to you is typical of most Nigerian women. Withholding sex, not cooking or showing you attention. It's their oldest control mechanism to keep their man in check. It's just that your wife took hers too far. Funny enough, there's not a single man in Nigeria whose wife didn't use these tactics on him, the smart ones always turn the tables and the weak ones always succumb. Kindly spend more time with your dad (if he's still around) or some of your guys who are married let them give you the OT.

My advice for you is simple; find your wife's thumbscrew and use it to counter attack (turn the table). I'll tell you a short story, hopefully, you can learn a thing or two from it. My wife for example, when she started her own 'kolomental' back then. She won't cook, she won't clean the house, she won't give her best during sex. It's always one complain or another. The most painful part of it was the food, every other thing I can bear. I sat her down and spoke to her, nothing changed. I sometimes don't eat at home just to express my displeasure. She didn't bulge, rather, she mocked me and told me that I'll die of hunger.
I reported to her parents, nothing changed.

Then, I spoke to my dad about it and he gave me the OT. I started chatting and receiving calls from one particular number. I began to spend quality time outside my house, she still didn't bulge. I took it to another level by subtly making her friends and family members become aware of my new lifestyle. Fear catch Hanty and she quickly surrendered. It was that moment I found her thumbscrew; my wife is very particular about other people's perception of her marriage. She hates to give others the impression that her marriage is going through something. She's that type of lady who doesn't want her friends, family or even the neighbours to ever think that her husband doesn't love her dearly. That was it, I found her thumbscrew and the dick measuring contest was won by me!

Since then, I now know what drives her, what motivates her and what unsettles her. For example, if I want her to knack very well. I'll stop over at her shop on my way back from work, buy her chop chop and we'll both be eating it outside. Gist with her outside, help her sell her stuff and be doing touch & do. You can be sure that night ehn, she will finish me on the bed. And in the same way, if she offends me and I want to treat her Bleep up, I'll just stop over at her shop with a frown on my face or attitude. Instantly, Hanty will start to dey beg.

In summary, every woman has a thumbscrew. Your job as a man is to figure out your wife's thumbscrew and use it to the fullest. If you do that, you'll change the dynamics. And in seduction, he who has the initiative has the power. You need to take that initiative!

PS- marriage, business, sports, & politics are ARTS. To succeed at it, one must learn the intricacies.

One of the best advice here 🙌

dawnomike:
your problem must have started from your courtship... Anyways, the way forward is what matters.
Her matter has no solution but on your own part, irrespective of the salary, buy her gifts!!!

Useless advice...
Whatever you do OP.....don't listen to this person quoted here....

ravensckar:
Kobojunkie the Nairaland resident armchair critic! I've been expecting you! What took you so long?

I knew you wouldn't resist the temptation of alluding an ugly meaning to my response since that's your area of expertise. However, let me help you with the words of Oscar Wilde which says; 'Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are corrupt without being charming'. Therefore, I put it to you that you're mentally disoriented.

Now, let's examine the fact of the matter. I read your own disjointed response where you loosely suggested counselling as if the OP is living in the Western world. Such impractical and loose advice can only come from a neophyte. Do you even know the first step towards counselling? Both parties have to agree that there's a problem and that they need a professional help. Now, from his write-up, does it seem to you that the wife admitted to any wrongdoing? You guys will just come online to exhibit your congenital and inherent stupidity whilst trying to sound intelligent. My own response was borne out of years of martial experience. That right there is the difference!


Also, in your haste to allude ugly meanings to my response, you didn't even to pretend to know what a 'thumbscrew' is in that context. You took the word loosely and decided to concoct it to your twisted imagination. That right there is a sign of brain fault. Perhaps you belong to the category of those who are not inherent with a faculty of discernment. A typical characteristic of a parrot; a creature that only repeats words without actually understanding its import.


The 'thumbscrew' in that context refers to a person's inner dynamics (what moves him, what motivates him, what appeals to him, etc). Discover it and you can take the initiative. This concept is very well applicable in negotiation, dispute resolution and almost every human interaction. Robert Greene even wrote about it in his books (48 Laws of Power, 33 Strategies of War, Art of Seduction, Laws of Human Nature & 50th Law). Of course you wouldn't know this because you're too busy jumping from thread to thread spewing 'beautiful nonsense'.

Lastly, whilst I'm tempted to engage you this early morning but then I'm constrained by the words of Abraham Lincoln which says; He who knows not, but knows not that he knows not is a fool, shun him'.

Do enjoy the rest of your day! Do not dare quote me again unless you want me to consign you to the cesspit of oblivion. This time around, I'll finish you patapata.

Please boss..why did you reply that wîtch!!! You should have ignored her. She never sees anything good about anything.

Be like me. Give her a 'K' and watch her fade away like the mist before the early morning sunrise.

All I can say is you are a good man. Continue being good

ceeceeuwa:
You can fix a section with a marriage counselor. Maybe she is not into you.

*session*

BusterG:
Apt.

Coming from a lady I can see you already know what's up with the OP.


Back to the OP

There's no easy way out for you in this very delicate cum dicey scenerio.

Also, going back and forth on cooking, sex and other stuff with your so called religious wife is completely pointless. All you have to do is ignore her antics and manage your emotions accordingly.

You need to totally shift your priority to urself at the moment. Save all the money you can to be able to survive in d event of a job loss or financial crunch.

Now she has to bring funds to the Table too cos you have to make up stories about being broke so you also can save up cos if she's netting 800k monthly, it means she's already a millionaire while you're putting all your own eggs in one basket.

If you have any building projects, ensure its in your name, if not start another solely in your name.

There's a lot I wish to tell you .hmmm

You're are about to go through a lot if you don't quickly mount your guard and create alternative plans B, C, D and E.

At this point you have to stop being emotional and use your head.

I wish you well.

I agree with you totally

I no fit talk put for this matter, the story too long. I no even read am finish...lol

RALPHOW:
■ To be sincere with you thousands of Christian husbands are in the same situation.
■ Please what is the place of divorce or second wife in the Bible? I think the best person to help out is Pastor Chris, because he has practical experience. Any Nairalander that have access to him should please send this message to him and paste his reply here. His answers will bail many Christian husbands out of bondage of the so called religion but evil wives

1. Look, this isn't about Christian or none since God has nothing to do with your marriages. This is simply a problem that many marriages experience and to overcome it, people need to learn to step out of the religious delusion to find the way forward.

2. Suggesting OP run smack back into the religious delusion that keeps him from moving forward is not a sane solution.

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

I am sorry but you married a carecer woman, these type of women sees themselves as men, now that she earns more than you, she expects you to be the woman of the house.

The only thing that can make her change is if she loses that career of her's. I think there are many threads about these type of women con romance section

Hypergamy in full swing, your wife is thinking she Settled with you. The ideal natural earning order is no more. They are a few women that can be submissive when they earn more. It's gonna be a long road bro. Find ways to be happy, prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

chatinent:
Act like there's another woman somewhere.Be out, don't disturb her for anything. If she doesn't cook, with a smile, go out and return filled. Just do whatever it is that will make her feel you aren't feeling her attitude. Do it for two months.

She'll come tracking and wanting you.

honestly speakimg , this is not the right way to go about it. This is a marriage not some random boyfriend / girlfriend relationship. It’s not as easy as you put it to ignore or pretend to neglect your partner all in the name of trying to win them over.


That being said,


The truth is, when a woman is done with you , bro , she’s done. There’s nothing u can do to bring her back.

This kind of thing happens mostly when a wife earns more than the husband. 60% of time, a woman will respect/obey/submit to you because you have what she doesn’t have .
The moment she has what you own, she’ll mostly see u as someone she can’t respect .


Unfortunately, divorce is the best option. Why? She already said it that if the marriage can’t work , they should dissolve it.






Funnily enough , this doesn’t mean that the op didn’t vet her before marriage , it simply means people change.

What kind of advise is this na??

Worriedwife:
She is 29 nd you two hav been married for 6 yrs
She also has money now. She is beginning to realise u are not the man she would have married if she knew better. U either brush up urself or separate. She has been toleratin u and has no need to anymore

U can live like flatmates if you have mind to do that. Ignore her existence. If you meet a better lady, move on with your life

Shokoloko:
My dear, I have had experience for many, many years. I counsel couples. It does not matter who invented it ow whether it is a gimmick. The question is "when put into practice, does it work?" If it does, case closed.
I have seen more marriages restored with understanding and applying love languages than I have seen with people trying to force their partners into a mould that they want.
Nairaland people just want to destroy this marriage - these issues can be taken care of, yet they are all over this thread suggesting bad things

Yen yen yen..

Go away jor aunty. You that your soup is always sour. I was a guest and vomited my guts out.

Please, fix your kitchen/cooking skills first

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

You should have tried to let us know the little good side of her so that we can form a better opinion.
However, it is quite a difficult situation you have found yourself but I think you can still work on it and make it work.

3 to 4 times sex in a month isn't that bad. Though, as a man, it is obvious you need more. There are women who will never ask for sex in a marriage except when they notice that the man is no longer interested for it or has started keeping a side chick and then they will try to initiate it to see whether the man will refuse or not.

On food, how do you mean when you said that she cooks for the kids but not for you? Does she tag the food as "for kids" and "for hubby" after cooking? Does she stop you from getting food from the pot after cooking? Since you said you are a food type, I suggest that you learn how to cook and start cooking what you want to eat yourself. Don't wait for her again.

On finance, do you mean you don't contribute to do family projects together? Both of you should sit down and plan again. Have you built your own house? Do you have joint investment? If No, why?

Again, do youean you don't buy her gifts just because she earns well? NO! You got this one wrong. Buy her gifts; clothes, undies, colognes, shoes, wristwatch, jewelry, phones, etc.

Does she drive car? Who bought the car? Who fuels it? Who takes it to mechanic? These needs to be sorted out if you are not the one doing them.

Change. Stop forming the boss if you still want the marriage. Work on some of these stuff mentioned above and when things start getting together, discuss with her the need to jointly execute family projects like joint savings, real estate investment or business expansion since you said she has a side hustle. What of you? Do you have a side hustle? She may feel she is working harder than you if you don't have an extra thing doing to earn more money.

Finally, get a side chick to reduce your pressure on her since she is not a sex type. Look for a young mature girl (preferable, a student) to quench your burning desire. Ensure you are not carried away by her youthfulness and succulent body. Use protection at all times.

Good luck!

I am sure your wife will have something to say.

Your wife is earning 800k per month while u earn less?? And she still leaves u to foot all the bill..and she hardly allows u have sex....And u are still calling her ur wife?.... lol.

dawnomike:
your problem must have started from your courtship... Anyways, the way forward is what matters.
Her matter has no solution but on your own part, irrespective of the salary, buy her gifts!!!

Gift bawo
We are talking about a not submissive woman