libertyfather:
Simple get someone to do her job, let her come her usual come eat and go, no fight no enemy she remains ur mother...but one thing about woman accusing the kids of hating them like their father....fear dem i repeat fear dem, they usually frustrate the man life and wants the kids to be supporting their evil deed

liberty father has said it all, let her come & employe another person to do the job

Pray for her to change.

To be honest your mum sounds scary just tell simply tell her your husband and you have decided on taking care of the baby together that she should nt bother coming till the dedication. Bt wat of your husbands mom?

Ijelenwanyioma:

I understand you sir but this happened about 5 years ago and she has not even enter 60 then. I have washing machine and market to our house is not up to 5mins walk. Even most times she will tell me to bath my baby that she's tired. I know how my mum treat other people children and she treat me differently. From my childhood, we were never close even though we lived together. She believes my father loves me more than her which is even not true. Like is it my fault for my daddy to love me?

Sorry to ask ooo. Is she really ur mum? This life no balance ooo

Let the other Lady from your husband's side continue helping you and your mon, remain a spectator.

If they can't co- habit don't invite your Mon.


In everything I do my peace and happiness remains priority.

All the clues you needed are there already, like why still asking yourself so much questions.

Be certain and a hit the nail on the head...
Say no to her, I don't need you here Thank you very much especially for your last OMUGWO.

We have gotten someone to help us..

Must you kill yourself bcux you are trying to be cool with someone who hates you, please.

Ijelenwanyioma:

I am pregnant and by special grace of God, I am expected to have my baby in 3 months time. The issue is that I don't want my mother to come for my omugwo. I am her only daughter but she hate me so much. At first I thought it is old age but she's just 60+ and I have seen older women treating their daughter right.

The last omugwo she came I saw hell, I gave birth on Monday and she came on Thursday. I had 3rd degree tear(that type that they will stitch from anus to vagina) I explained to her that I can't stand for long because of the pain. Meanwhile before she came, a woman from my husband place was taking care of me and she won't let me come down from bed except to eat, bath, breastfeed my baby and sleep. But when she saw my mum, she stopped coming. The woman already prepared soup and kept inside freezer on Wednesday before my mum arrived. It was that soup we ate till Sunday. On Sunday morning I asked my mum what we will eat and she told me to wait for people that are coming to visit us so I can send any of them to market and cook. Like how can I send my visitor message? So I waited for my husband and son to come back from church. I just took tea and also served her. My husband went to market and bought the things I needed to make stew. My baby was sleeping and I went inside kitchen to make stew. My mum sat down comfortably in the sitting room watching film and gisting with visitors that came to see me and my baby. I was in serious pain but I have to cook what me and everybody will eat. I served her the food after cooking and she gladly ate it. She's is neither sick or having pain anywhere.

My mother never cook anything in my house for 4 months till she left. The day I mentioned it to her. She started crying that she knows I hate her like my father. Like how? I even expected her to apologise and lie that she wasn't feeling fine that day. Among all her children, I give her more money but she always show me I am not important.

The problem is, even though this is my third child, I can barely take care of child under 1 month. Apart from cooking, my mum always makes me cry by telling me some very harsh word. She will force me to drink very hot water that I can't even pour on my skin. If I refuse to drink she will get angry and start her wahala again. I don't just want her to come to my house again for my mental health. O ti su mi 😭😭

Sister, kindly be aware that it is not good of you to be complaining about anybody living while you are pregnant.

It is not good at all.

About your mother, just develop a better way to manage her and her nuisance value the same way your father has managed her till today. She is your mother and she is entitled to some naughtiness of her own.

I wish you can stomach her nuisance and subtily query her so that you can find out her delibrateness or ignorance of her actions. I think she is the lazy type of woman right from her childhood.

We should thank God Almighty for her to have produced good natured woman like you. There is some rewards from God for you if you handle your mother kindly without being bothered by her nuisances. We are all not made same way.

Ijelenwanyioma:

I am pregnant and by special grace of God, I am expected to have my baby in 3 months time. The issue is that I don't want my mother to come for my omugwo. I am her only daughter but she hate me so much. At first I thought it is old age but she's just 60+ and I have seen older women treating their daughter right.

The last omugwo she came I saw hell, I gave birth on Monday and she came on Thursday. I had 3rd degree tear(that type that they will stitch from anus to vagina) I explained to her that I can't stand for long because of the pain. Meanwhile before she came, a woman from my husband place was taking care of me and she won't let me come down from bed except to eat, bath, breastfeed my baby and sleep. But when she saw my mum, she stopped coming. The woman already prepared soup and kept inside freezer on Wednesday before my mum arrived. It was that soup we ate till Sunday. On Sunday morning I asked my mum what we will eat and she told me to wait for people that are coming to visit us so I can send any of them to market and cook. Like how can I send my visitor message? So I waited for my husband and son to come back from church. I just took tea and also served her. My husband went to market and bought the things I needed to make stew. My baby was sleeping and I went inside kitchen to make stew. My mum sat down comfortably in the sitting room watching film and gisting with visitors that came to see me and my baby. I was in serious pain but I have to cook what me and everybody will eat. I served her the food after cooking and she gladly ate it. She's is neither sick or having pain anywhere.

My mother never cook anything in my house for 4 months till she left. The day I mentioned it to her. She started crying that she knows I hate her like my father. Like how? I even expected her to apologise and lie that she wasn't feeling fine that day. Among all her children, I give her more money but she always show me I am not important.

The problem is, even though this is my third child, I can barely take care of child under 1 month. Apart from cooking, my mum always makes me cry by telling me some very harsh word. She will force me to drink very hot water that I can't even pour on my skin. If I refuse to drink she will get angry and start her wahala again. I don't just want her to come to my house again for my mental health. O ti su mi 😭😭

I hate to see this type of issues here, can't you use your head, must we advice you, you know where to place her simple..... Don't allow her to come
Don't invite her

If you like behave like fish
Invite her am come
This time around na soak away water u go drink

libertyfather:
Simple get someone to do her job, let her come her usual come eat and go, no fight no enemy she remains ur mother...but one thing about woman accusing the kids of hating them like their father....fear dem i repeat fear dem, they usually frustrate the man life and wants the kids to be supporting their evil deed

Not a grown up man like me. Women are very manipulative wic every sensible person should know

Rokiat:
Lemme spell it in capital letters


NARCISSISTIC MOTHER


Mother daughter jealousy is a real thing. Some mothers are jealous of their daughters and never want better for them.

Especially if your marriage is flourishing and your husband is loving on you and hers wasn’t like that she’s gonna hate you. You have to be smart and know how to handle such toxic mothers nothing you do will ever be good enough because she only love herself. You have to move accordingly and set boundaries to protect your mental health else you will mirror her and do to
Your own kid the same she’s doing to You.




You have to start unlearning some of the toxic things she taught you and how she raised you so you can do better with your own kids else the circle will
continue because narcissists parents breed narcissists kids.

Also you are now an adult and have to
Set boundaries with your mother quite frankly don’t give a F about her feelings and don’t be scare about telling her your mind. You have to set boundaries with her. If she’s this toxic cut her off, be kind and respectful to her but keep a distance from her.

Thanks for sharing 🙏
This was helpful

Zupay:


The woman from her husband's side will not show up to offer help while OP's mother is still there....it is an unwritten law. OP's mother reminds one of this Bible verse "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the kingdom of heaven in men’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let in those who wish to enter"

Law are broken. Stop following law I were not there when it was written

Rokiat:


Even if the husband works he should take some time off work when his woman puts to bed to help her.

you’re funny. You think a man has privileges to take time off work anyhow like woman? Your employer won’t take such excuses unless it’s your personal business

Cogent:


What a very misogynistic statement. Marriage is not all about sex and digging abeg.
Many divorced women CHOOSE to not remarry because they don't want marriage, not because they didn't get a husband.
And research shows that single women live longer than miserable married women.

Is better to Be a single lady than to deceive a man with fake nice character just to answer mrs, after first child you start wahala n u get divorced. Please if ladies know the have bad character the should just ask a man to impregnate them simple. Wasting all the money to get frustrations at de end doesn’t worth it

BRATISLAVA:


Sorry, but this sounds funny. Why does she make you drink hot water? Any reason? And why do you drink it?

When guests enter the pots and kitchens of Nigerian women they pick offense. They mark off their territory. My husband, my home, my kitchen, it's my rules, my this and that. At least that's the impression one gets from general posts here, so it's surprising you would want her to cook for you. Would you feel she were meddling in your marriage under other circumstances? Why don't you employ a certified person who can care for you since she's not ideal?

A lot of parents hate the child that takes the best care of them. It's a thing where they can turn round and accuse that child of all but murdering them. Nobody knows why.

Talk to your mother. You alone know why she's hated you. Maybe it's a misunderstanding. But it probably has something to do with your childhood and your father. Perhaps she hasn't gotten over not being loved by you as a child as much as you openly showed you loved your father. Find out from her.

it’s normal to drink hot water post delivery so the injuries can heal after from inside tummy

Stay away from your mother
Stay away from your mother
Just don't let her come near you
Stay away from your mother

There is something your mother isn't telling you for showing you such hatred..

STAY AWAY FROM YOUR MOTHER OF YOU WANT PEACE !!!

libertyfather:
Simple get someone to do her job, let her come her usual come eat and go, no fight no enemy she remains ur mother...but one thing about woman accusing the kids of hating them like their father....fear dem i repeat fear dem, they usually frustrate the man life and wants the kids to be supporting their evil deed

I love it when sensible people are the FTC in a thread

You certainly won't be needing your mother again for the omugwo..or, are you planning to go on giving birth after 3 children?

Ijelenwanyioma:

I am pregnant and by special grace of God, I am expected to have my baby in 3 months time. The issue is that I don't want my mother to come for my omugwo. I am her only daughter but she hate me so much. At first I thought it is old age but she's just 60+ and I have seen older women treating their daughter right.

The last omugwo she came I saw hell, I gave birth on Monday and she came on Thursday. I had 3rd degree tear(that type that they will stitch from anus to vagina) I explained to her that I can't stand for long because of the pain. Meanwhile before she came, a woman from my husband place was taking care of me and she won't let me come down from bed except to eat, bath, breastfeed my baby and sleep. But when she saw my mum, she stopped coming. The woman already prepared soup and kept inside freezer on Wednesday before my mum arrived. It was that soup we ate till Sunday. On Sunday morning I asked my mum what we will eat and she told me to wait for people that are coming to visit us so I can send any of them to market and cook. Like how can I send my visitor message? So I waited for my husband and son to come back from church. I just took tea and also served her. My husband went to market and bought the things I needed to make stew. My baby was sleeping and I went inside kitchen to make stew. My mum sat down comfortably in the sitting room watching film and gisting with visitors that came to see me and my baby. I was in serious pain but I have to cook what me and everybody will eat. I served her the food after cooking and she gladly ate it. She's is neither sick or having pain anywhere.

My mother never cook anything in my house for 4 months till she left. The day I mentioned it to her. She started crying that she knows I hate her like my father. Like how? I even expected her to apologise and lie that she wasn't feeling fine that day. Among all her children, I give her more money but she always show me I am not important.

The problem is, even though this is my third child, I can barely take care of child under 1 month. Apart from cooking, my mum always makes me cry by telling me some very harsh word. She will force me to drink very hot water that I can't even pour on my skin. If I refuse to drink she will get angry and start her wahala again. I don't just want her to come to my house again for my mental health. O ti su mi 😭😭

Ijelenwanyioma:

I am pregnant and by special grace of God, I am expected to have my baby in 3 months time. The issue is that I don't want my mother to come for my omugwo. I am her only daughter but she hate me so much. At first I thought it is old age but she's just 60+ and I have seen older women treating their daughter right.

The last omugwo she came I saw hell, I gave birth on Monday and she came on Thursday. I had 3rd degree tear(that type that they will stitch from anus to vagina) I explained to her that I can't stand for long because of the pain. Meanwhile before she came, a woman from my husband place was taking care of me and she won't let me come down from bed except to eat, bath, breastfeed my baby and sleep. But when she saw my mum, she stopped coming. The woman already prepared soup and kept inside freezer on Wednesday before my mum arrived. It was that soup we ate till Sunday. On Sunday morning I asked my mum what we will eat and she told me to wait for people that are coming to visit us so I can send any of them to market and cook. Like how can I send my visitor message? So I waited for my husband and son to come back from church. I just took tea and also served her. My husband went to market and bought the things I needed to make stew. My baby was sleeping and I went inside kitchen to make stew. My mum sat down comfortably in the sitting room watching film and gisting with visitors that came to see me and my baby. I was in serious pain but I have to cook what me and everybody will eat. I served her the food after cooking and she gladly ate it. She's is neither sick or having pain anywhere.

My mother never cook anything in my house for 4 months till she left. The day I mentioned it to her. She started crying that she knows I hate her like my father. Like how? I even expected her to apologise and lie that she wasn't feeling fine that day. Among all her children, I give her more money but she always show me I am not important.

The problem is, even though this is my third child, I can barely take care of child under 1 month. Apart from cooking, my mum always makes me cry by telling me some very harsh word. She will force me to drink very hot water that I can't even pour on my skin. If I refuse to drink she will get angry and start her wahala again. I don't just want her to come to my house again for my mental health. O ti su mi 😭😭

Some quick questions:
1. Are you and adult?
2. Is she coming to your house or are you staying in a house she bought for you?
If not, simply do not let her into your house. Tell your husband not to invite her or let her in, simple.
Sometimes we give too much respect to people who do not respect themselves

Kobojunkie:
In many cultures outside of Africa, na husband and wife dey take care of all that fa!

Appreciate ur own culture for once. In many culture my foot

If your mom is not alive today, what would you do or what other solutions would you find
The answer you think of should be the solution of your problems.......Shallom

Orinechi:
Appreciate ur own culture for once. In many culture my foot

Man was not made for culture. Rather culture was made for man. So, when culture no longer serves man, throw it away and find yourself something better abeg!

Draslo:
Lol na vacation your mama dey come do. Let her come but also bring the woman from your husband's side. If she wants to watch AM Igbo all day and stretch her legs on the sofa, then so be it. This is her only excuse to live with you again.

Is it a law that mothers must be around their daughters after they put to bed their babies, especially when the supposed gran-mother is not doing what she was expected to do, as for me, you and your husband can handle these things together maybe with a minimal help from outside, let your mother be with her husband, he needs her too

Zupay:


Among the igbos, the mother of the woman comes first then the husband's mother comes as that is how the husband's maternal grandmother came before that of his paternal. Those abroad tend to juggle it between the 2 mothers.

The Igbos get wahala abeg. Too many laws like the Pharisees.

siofra:
So what about your husband?? Is he disabled??

Can't he cook and take care of you?? Won't you do same for him if he were sick??

Hmm.

Another mental project found!

Ijelenwanyioma:

I understand you sir but this happened about 5 years ago and she has not even enter 60 then. I have washing machine and market to our house is not up to 5mins walk. Even most times she will tell me to bath my baby that she's tired. I know how my mum treat other people children and she treat me differently. From my childhood, we were never close even though we lived together. She believes my father loves me more than her which is even not true. Like is it my fault for my daddy to love me?

My sister stop giving yourself stress I have a sister like that the day I knew she hate me I distance myself from her I blocked her on all social media my mum is late wenever my wife gave birth I will always be there to help her with everything I can do all house chores I don't want any family around my house except on visit level I want me and my wife affairs I pray my relationship with my wife leads to the registry soon may Allah provide for all my needs....

Ijelenwanyioma:

I am pregnant and by special grace of God, I am expected to have my baby in 3 months time. The issue is that I don't want my mother to come for my omugwo. I am her only daughter but she hate me so much. At first I thought it is old age but she's just 60+ and I have seen older women treating their daughter right.

The last omugwo she came I saw hell, I gave birth on Monday and she came on Thursday. I had 3rd degree tear(that type that they will stitch from anus to vagina) I explained to her that I can't stand for long because of the pain. Meanwhile before she came, a woman from my husband place was taking care of me and she won't let me come down from bed except to eat, bath, breastfeed my baby and sleep. But when she saw my mum, she stopped coming. The woman already prepared soup and kept inside freezer on Wednesday before my mum arrived. It was that soup we ate till Sunday. On Sunday morning I asked my mum what we will eat and she told me to wait for people that are coming to visit us so I can send any of them to market and cook. Like how can I send my visitor message? So I waited for my husband and son to come back from church. I just took tea and also served her. My husband went to market and bought the things I needed to make stew. My baby was sleeping and I went inside kitchen to make stew. My mum sat down comfortably in the sitting room watching film and gisting with visitors that came to see me and my baby. I was in serious pain but I have to cook what me and everybody will eat. I served her the food after cooking and she gladly ate it. She's is neither sick or having pain anywhere.

My mother never cook anything in my house for 4 months till she left. The day I mentioned it to her. She started crying that she knows I hate her like my father. Like how? I even expected her to apologise and lie that she wasn't feeling fine that day. Among all her children, I give her more money but she always show me I am not important.

The problem is, even though this is my third child, I can barely take care of child under 1 month. Apart from cooking, my mum always makes me cry by telling me some very harsh word. She will force me to drink very hot water that I can't even pour on my skin. If I refuse to drink she will get angry and start her wahala again. I don't just want her to come to my house again for my mental health. O ti su mi 😭😭

How was your relationship with your mother while growing up?

GboyegaD:
Let her know you wouldn't be needing her help this time as you have realized it's been stressful for her and now she is advanced in age. You and husband can call to let her know your resolve.

Exactly!
It is a very simple thing!
Moreover some women after their second child don't usually need omuguo. Just a little girl to help around d house is ok for them.

Cc Ijelenwanyioma

Kobojunkiee:
Man was not made for culture. Rather culture was made for man. So, when culture no longer serves man, throw it away and find yourself something better abeg!

Our is still serving us. Those of u who who don't know how and where u started will alway claim what u have written above to safe face. If i may ask what aspect no longer serve man?

I don't know the essence of her coming wen she did not take care of the new born baby n u in particular.
my on suggestion is dat let her stay in her husband house n find pesin dat can help u during ur birth ,
After Omugo or wat do u call it.
she can nw visit you.

good luck