₦airaland Forum

Hamachi:
Hmn. I don't even know where to start. I believe siblings fall apart for a number of reasons. Envy is one of these reasons. We should all realize that though siblings come out of the birth canal of the same Mother, their destinies are different. The eldest child might not be the most successful child. In a family of 7 children, the 5th born might become richer than the other children due to reasons best known to God and hardwork. Sometimes, strife among siblings is caused by the Father or Mother who openly love one child than the others. The other children will notice this as they grow up and resentment and hate for the favored child sets in. Naturally, there will be competition among siblings but the behaviour of Parents also lead to disharmony among siblings later in life. So when the 4th born starts prospering than his senior brothers and sisters, strife sets in. I have also observed that wives and husbands of siblings also contribute to them falling apart. Women are naturally very competitive and they can wreck havoc on the love between two brothers. I know what I am saying because I have experienced this directly. The wife of an elder brother might not be too happy seeing her husband's junior brother doing well than him. So jealousy sets in and we all know what can happen.

In Europe and North America, there is little love between siblings because of the pressure to see who makes it big first. We have this absurd belief in Africa that the first born must do well than his junior siblings and that they must look up to him all the time. I have since thrown this belief into the dustbin and I've focused on my future with a view to doing well in life. Jay Jay Okocha's brother started playing football before him. Emmanuel Okocha played for the Super Eagles one or two times but Austin Okocha became a legend in the Nigerian National Team. It was even Emmanuel that took Austin Okocha to Germany. Jay Jay played for Clubs in Europe that his elder brother could only dream of. Yet they are still close to one another without any acrimony between them. Same obtains between Emmanuel and Celestine Babayaro. So I believe siblings should love one another and realize that our destinies are different because it is God that has the final answer as to what we will become in life. Cheers.

gimakon2:
When you have a younger Sister like mine, I am pretty sure you won't ask this type of question. Someone who shows she is envious of good things and wishes no good come to people. Even went as far as calling meetings because she heard I wanted to go for my travel history, and the same human being is processing admission to go to the UK.

I wanted to date her friend, she had already started to like me, This lady went very extra length to scatter the relationship between us both, went very far as telling the girl stories that were not true in anyway. The relationship shattered , everyone moved on, even when the girls father died, it was a feat for me to extend condolences, but whatever , I am a man, it did not have to be so, i extended my condolences and moved on, and we thank God for all in the very end.

So many other things, OK let me talk about the one of last year, I lost my job. I got bored with accepting anything that looked like a job offer and decided to focus on having my personal startup, instead of being engaged and loosing out after sometime. I was able to finance things for the family and what not. Even this same girl was working, the only thing she does is to come and cause problems in the house, then she comes to the house and pack everything i bought as food stuff with my money, and takes to her own house. Just a minor shaking, she as usual, went to feed my father with abrupt nonsense. If my father sees me, I started to look like irk to him. At some point , i used to go to Cotonou like weekly in order to avoid provocation. She did not stop there, She even made my elder sister fight me and threw something at my face that made me bleed from my nose. And what did she do, she pretended to be the Angel as the very usual. When she heard I started working, she called on the phone and started to behave like she was the best person. I just laughed loudly. And stomach certain things for the major interest of peace.
Before i got the job, i was seeking finances to put my startup in order, after I lost friends , helpers and what not. Just few friends were there for me. I resorted to using Loan sharks to put that my business in order, so i would not be able to pay in say a day or 2 after the due date, when they call, She would tell my parents to leave me to suffer alone, that when I had money i never cared for them at all. I remember i paid Light bills, bought fuel and all treated the family members well when I had money before i lost the Job, what was my offence? That i do not give her money personally at hand, so therefore they should leave me to suffer and bear the brunt alone - but this is someone that comes to the house to pack everything and move to her house, My father saw this and he said it is normal, i looked at him and never said a word.

Or is it the one a friend in Canada volunteered to help me offset the bills, she called the boy in Canada never to help me. That i spend money and go to Ghana and other countries for travel history, that no one should help me, they should allow me bear it alone. I thank God later on, my friend in Ancona in Italy send me over 3000 Euros and i was able to offset everything once and for all, and happiness came back. The boy in Question said if he sees her, they would have serious problems. I been the one calming him down. The one in Canada ended up marrying someone else because of her bad character.

Lately, I worked for a Switzerland company and i was able to get finances, from the money mules, i been able to cost out few cash for house rentals , and i am still working squarely to get cash and give my father for the remainder Also from there i was able to establish my startups for good, we working closely on the funding. She lost her job, and she just been at home here. When money comes, i give her and she also eats. I buy fuel for the generator and do things for the family as usual. She does not even feel free and she barely talks to me. I just let her be for the time being and focus on what I think is quite necessary and I let myself be happy no matter what. I was helping her work out admission in the UK where i was her reference, i completed the reference form and submitted it, she said because I did not upload a letter, she started to haul abuses at me again. So the letter i typed for her is what? She started to call me names like i am useless and co, I just held myself because i am expecting something from GOD so, I would not want to say anything. I went to church and knelt down to thank GOD for all. The visitor who came to the house be like "Is this what you see?" I just laughed! This happened few days ago!

Its quite Long and everyone be asking me to forgive, personally i have forgiven her, but she is very free to go, but i told myself one thing, if it would take the last drop of blood from me to make sure i give my children the best life without any of my siblings, and having anything with my kids to do with any of them, I am ready to do everything. As for her, she can go. We thank God for all.

With siblings like these, We do not need enemies. I have accepted everything, and right now, I will work hard with all It will take to go very far away from them, and I am very glad, its gradually working out. I just have to be more prayerful.

The thing i deciphered from everything is envy.I have the best job, from the job I got my own company, I travel anywhere, even if I get shakedowns , few days i am back on my feet. This is the main reason, Siblings have problems. For me, I have forgiven her, but I will never have anything to do with her again. She and the rest can go.

yazga:
I've been hearing frequent tales on this issue between siblings and its been making me wonder how it all starts.
I love my siblings to pieces and I'm sure they feel the same way towards me so I can't really imagine why anyone would hate theirs so much they do neither see nor talk.
Some even turn their lives into competitions with their brothers/sisters.
A friend once narrated to me how her immediate elder sister treated her while they were staying together and how the sister stylishly threw her out of the house for no real reason asides petty issues.now that she's even married and her elder sister is not,they are sworn enemies!
Two of my aunt (sisters) and at war now-for petty reasons!
One of my friends doesnt know ANYTHING about his brother and they don't ever call each other for no reason!
Why oh why!

Hamachi:
Hmn. I don't even know where to start. I believe siblings fall apart for a number of reasons. Envy is one of these reasons. We should all realize that though siblings come out of the birth canal of the same Mother, their destinies are different. The eldest child might not be the most successful child. In a family of 7 children, the 5th born might become richer than the other children due to reasons best known to God and hardwork. Sometimes, strife among siblings is caused by the Father or Mother who openly love one child than the others. The other children will notice this as they grow up and resentment and hate for the favored child sets in. Naturally, there will be competition among siblings but the behaviour of Parents also lead to disharmony among siblings later in life. So when the 4th born starts prospering than his senior brothers and sisters, strife sets in. I have also observed that wives and husbands of siblings also contribute to them falling apart. Women are naturally very competitive and they can wreck havoc on the love between two brothers. I know what I am saying because I have experienced this directly. The wife of an elder brother might not be too happy seeing her husband's junior brother doing well than him. So jealousy sets in and we all know what can happen.

In Europe and North America, there is little love between siblings because of the pressure to see who makes it big first. We have this absurd belief in Africa that the first born must do well than his junior siblings and that they must look up to him all the time. I have since thrown this belief into the dustbin and I've focused on my future with a view to doing well in life. Jay Jay Okocha's brother started playing football before him. Emmanuel Okocha played for the Super Eagles one or two times but Austin Okocha became a legend in the Nigerian National Team. It was even Emmanuel that took Austin Okocha to Germany. Jay Jay played for Clubs in Europe that his elder brother could only dream of. Yet they are still close to one another without any acrimony between them. Same obtains between Emmanuel and Celestine Babayaro. So I believe siblings should love one another and realize that our destinies are different because it is God that has the final answer as to what we will become in life. Cheers.

youngzeal1:
SMH.. I wish I can share my story but am believing God to heal my family..

simplywhy:
When I was younger, considering how separated my parents and their siblings were, I used to think that I and my siblings can never be like that. But now?? Ours might be worse

simplywhy:
When I was younger, considering how separated my parents and their siblings were, I used to think that I and my siblings can never be like that. But now?? Ours might be worse

youngzeal1:
SMH.. I wish I can share my story but am believing God to heal my family..

SeriouslySense:
Sometimes it is safer that way, to create distance and sometimes people come together for common goals.

Same with family members, sometimes its healthy to create distance.

I apply the principle of distance, when value is not increasing, such as the value of love, empathy, respect and sound thinking.

I don't like an atmosphere of competition, quarrels, jealousy and suspicions, these things do not add value to me, because i do not thrive on them. And sometimes its no ones fault, it better that way or more healthy, no one is perfect, not even myself.

While others thrive on these things, and it could be a motivator to stay close, so, if there should be close ties, then i better understand why so.

simplywhy:
When I was younger, considering how separated my parents and their siblings were, I used to think that I and my siblings can never be like that. But now?? Ours might be worse

MrHighSea:
It's more work to hate than to love, but this love shouldn't be at the expense of peace with one's self.

If siblinghood tempers with one's inner peace, dear op, you kw na.

There're stories I've seen, most recent;
1. you earn <200k, save up for a year to raise 1.5m biz capital for sibling on condition that the capital alone be returned only to realise that na scam. SCAM has torn them apart.

2. When the one that abandoned you emotionally for 2 decades, comes running/expecting for alms.

3. Entitlement mentality.

Personally, I noticed that siblings grow apart if what binds them is family name and blood alone. Worse, if their wives/kids are not close. My cousin (First Son and first child to my Dad's immediate junior bro) saw me twice on a lonely road (both of us just strolling) and he unrecognised me twice. Dude is a cool headed guy. I called is attention on both occasions. I'm far older and made than him. I'm on a mission to strengthen that bridge, it'll benefit my kids and his.

Isatim:
Hmmmmmm
This problem exist in families.
Am the living example of this querel among brothers and sisters.
Presently, for like 3 years now, I don't talk to my immediate senior sister. Even at any event that we meet we just like strangers. No greetings.
Well, am worried about it but no one really make up reconciliation mind for now. And our seniors are not helping matters, they seems to enjoy the situation.
IT'S WELL!

Sevenworldpower:
It is usually caused by parents. Preference of a child over the other Lack of discipline. Lack of value system in the family.
Other factors are negative influence of extended family members, spouses of siblings, polygamous home , step parenthood and separation of siblings or parents.

Hamachi:
It ain't easy

sunnymighty:
I am the only Male and the second born, gave my all when they all got my married even to their spouses and when it was my turn, they hated my wife coupled with undue interference in my marriage, the last straw was when my elder sister's friend had the gut to report my wife to my sister because they are friends, despite the fact that we are few houses apart, what effrontery! the fool is a divorcee who brings men into her own house.

Jeferious:
My brother, only son dey see shege scatter. Na Dem go push you to go marry early, na still Dem no go wan give you and your wife privacy.

If I tell you my own story eh. Dem even leave the family business for me say make I run alone. Their reasons are that it could get them so busy and occupied that they won't find husbands on time. I just laugh in my small mind. All the same, anything that is the best interest of the family must be done. I can't think of marriage now. I'd let them marry first, firstly to use my prime well and secondly to avoid unnecessary jealousy and breach of privacy.

Talk plenty jare. Just be firm and fair at the same time. And set good boundaries.

ogene144:
I am from polygamous family I am the only one that attended higher institution for that reason my siblings didn't like me I went through hell wen I live with my immediate sister In Abule Egba they hate my daughter they even scatter my marriage now I don't call anyone of them polygamous family are not good let's abstain from it...

wengerman:
. I beg you in the name of Jesus to make the move to reconcile with your sister. I lost my immediate elder sister on the 2nd of this month. I am yet to recover from the shock and loss. One thing about her is that no matter the offence or fight ,she will act the next time she sees me as if there was never a fight. Life is too short and effeminate she was just 47 when she died.

Risingsunn:
now I have two elder ones that we have not being in talking terms. Till now I cant say what the problem is. But me I no send anybody.

OGHENAOGIE:
but u have issues in monogamous home/family too... So what ll u say... some polygamous home u have peaceful coexistence... It's different tales ooo

wengerman:
. I don't just understand because me and my siblings love ourselves to pieces. I think it is just grace because I don't understand why simblings will be sworn enemies .There is this successfull lawyers. He is even the the most successful lawyer.let me leave it at that make them no sue me .whose children fought badly because of his property and they are all from thesame mother. I couldn't wrap my head around it and keep asking myself that what will have happened if that were of different mother. But thank God ,I think peace has now reigned.

davillian:
From my experience it's just two reasons.
The parents and trust.
Once the parents starts to favour the rich children on issues and giving preferential treatments it brings in hate...
Once you trust your brothers or sisters to help handle task and they blow your founds it brings in hate....
But to me it's the parents some parent can send you on errands, that your younger ones should handle but because you not yet successful they fit send you to buy fuel, wash car , wash plates , turn on the gen while the younger ones seat and do nothing...
They won't even allow you contribute to issues that concern the family...
The truth is just make money...
If the success train starts from the first child to the last then they won't be issues but if it starts from the button aaaaah there is a huge problem

Negroid001:
Not saying my siblings are perfect. I have an elder bro and a younger sister. Maybe it's because of the way we were raised, there's nothing like competition, we all got the same gifts as kids irrespective of behavior or academic success. My widower dad raised us alone. No mother figure to teach us malice or gossip. Everything we do is collective. Hard times and trials have reinforced our kinship.

This time last year, i had just moved in back to my father's house after agreeing not to pay for another year of a self con at ajah. It cost me my job, used the rent money to upgrade to a better laptop. I didn't find another job in time, i was very picky, my siblings supported me this period without complaining for six months. June a call came out of the blues, former assistant ceo of where i resigned was starting up his own company, called me asap. Supernatural elevation. Almost twice my prev salary. Before i resigned, i was the one earning highest in the household. You can imagine the new levels.

Did it enter my head? Nope. My life i have one simple rule, if you dey for me, i go dey for you. When i was down, their character wasn't compromised, for good six months i was still being treated like I hadn't lost my job. Rn like this, my family is my world ooo. Supporting erryone of em every way i can.
When i get married, i know it will change a bit, but for now, I'm enjoying the best times of my life with the only loved ones I'll ever have asides my kids whose title would never change .

Akalia:
Your comment is the most spot on. Since both my parents died, I and my siblings are like sworn enemies.

jaydeevaa:
I have been advised to wait till I get married or atleast get a job outside our current location b4 I move out....because single ladies shouldn't live alone especially if their family resides in the location where she is

Corea4king:
We have three major reasons while siblings fall apart

1: getting a wife
2: bringing wives into the family
3:refer to number 1& 2

Rubyjade:

Corea4king:
We have three major reasons while siblings fall apart

1: getting a wife
2: bringing wives into the family
3:refer to number 1& 2

obinna58:
My elder brother, we were like real brothers until he made some real cash and upgraded
He sent me out of his apartment for no reason, parents weren’t condemning his actions, they takes money from him and kept trying to make peace btw us but I no gree even though I’m on the struggling side for now, I rather be on my own than dominated like a little kid

He complained to our parents that I don’t greet him, they told me to nicer to him cos we’re blood, I laughed, blood indeed, whenever he sees me comes and extend hand for handshake and I’ll shake him well but I’ll never pretend we’re in good terms while we’re not, we can greet if he initiates it but I won’t talk anything else except it’s mandatory

The real problem now is that business terms we need each other to succeed faster but due the betrayal I can’t try any deal with him, I’ll not get burned for the second time, before he sent me out he never thought he’ll later need me badly though it’s a vice versa situation the real good money we’re suppose be making from each other’s hand is going down drain

I have my junior bro and he trusts and respect me like hell, I don’t try to dominate or control him, I just have my piece of advice and support for him.

Imagine a brother literally saying he’s like a father and a boss to me and calling me an egotist person only bcoz he senior me with 10-9years