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I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? - Family (2) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? (36939 Views)

As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? / Is This Enough Reason To Send My Niece Back To The Village? / Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? (2) (3) (4)

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Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by being(m): 9:50am On May 24, 2023
CuriousMind2022:


Pocohantas, you're a very popular moniker here, so I know you very well. And I will take my time to respond to you. This is also my alternate moniker, which I created last year while my marriage was on the verge of collapsing.

You read my thread and I don't blame you for making the assumptions that you made.

March 22, 2022, is a day I will never forget in my life. On that fateful day, my wife and I had a fight and she pulled five kitchen knives on me, that she will kill me, kill herself and then call our parents to come take our baby. Unknowingly, to me, my wife whom I married had become filled with so much resentment for me.
For clarity
1. So after this, did her resentment reduce or go?
2. B4 this incident, did she use to careless about /ignore you when she is angry with you?

3 Likes

Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Houseofglam7(f): 9:50am On May 24, 2023
🫤
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Nobody: 9:51am On May 24, 2023
Wahala cheesy
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Whyzaid(f): 9:56am On May 24, 2023
OP! There is a way you will assist your woman with home chores that will send a signal to her that you want her on your lap at night. Try to be more loving sir. And I could see that you don't know her love language and possibly she doesn't know yours too, the reason why you are complaining here

8 Likes

Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Nobody: 9:57am On May 24, 2023
pocohantas:


The first paragraph of his opening post was all I needed to know they are it again.

"It's a known fact that most Nigerian girls marry who they consider ready for marriage and not necessarily who they love".

No mam with a samuria wife would have time to type the above as an intro to his predicament.
Last paragraph is true. Opening sentence would be
"Help me" "I hate my wife" "My life is at risk"

Sober ones will go

"Is this the end of my marriage?". "how I ruined my marriage..."

grin grin

2 Likes

Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by CuriousMind2022: 9:57am On May 24, 2023
being:

For clarity
1. So after this, did her resentment reduce or go?
2. B4 this incident, did she use to careless about /ignore you when she is angry with you?

Her resentment actually died. At least we have gone past having physical fights in our marriage. The only thing is that she lacks enthusiasm in making the marriage work.

Before we settled after that incident, she was asked both by our Pastors and by my elder brother and his wife, if she wanted to continue with the marriage, and she affirmed yes. I just don't know why she is not ready to put in the work to make it work.

Personally, I wouldn't feel bad if my marriage collapses now, because I have done my best. And unlike last year, when I took full responsibility for our marital problems, because I knew I was largely the cause, that is not the case today, because God knows I have done my best.

14 Likes

Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Nobody: 10:12am On May 24, 2023
Whyzaid:
OP! There is a way you will assist your woman with home chores that will send a signal to her that you want her on your lap at night. Try to be more loving sir. And I could see that you don't know her love language and possibly she doesn't know yours too, the reason why you are complaining here

Another bad advice

Help her with chores to appease her lol

The way these ladies give advice that will further sink you into quicksand is hilarious

11 Likes 1 Share

Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by CarlosTheJackal: 10:31am On May 24, 2023
Kobojunkie:
All I read is you equate love with sex and your wife denying you sex means she has no love for you. And you somehow think the blame should all be on her as far as the problems you perceive in your marriage, no be so? **yawn***undecided
Your post always reeks of ignorance.

Are you sure you are not in a mental asylum?

13 Likes

Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by being(m): 10:43am On May 24, 2023
You didn't answer no 2 question.
CuriousMind2022:


Her resentment actually died. At least we have gone past having physical fights in our marriage. The only thing is that she lacks enthusiasm in making the marriage work.

Before we settled after that incident, she was asked both by our Pastors and by my elder brother and his wife, if she wanted to continue with the marriage, and she affirmed yes. I just don't know why she is not ready to put in the work to make it work.

Personally, I wouldn't feel bad if my marriage collapses now, because I have done my best. And unlike last year, when I took full responsibility for our marital problems, because I knew I was largely the cause, that is not the case today, because God knows I have done my best.
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by CarlosTheJackal: 10:44am On May 24, 2023
pocohantas:


The first paragraph of his opening post was all I needed to know they are it again.

"It's a known fact that most Nigerian girls marry who they consider ready for marriage and not necessarily who they love".

No man with a samuria wife would have time to type the above as an intro to his predicament.
The guy needs an advice and you can see he respects you, try to talk to him to see his shortcomings and peace restored to his home

14 Likes

Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by ceeceeuwa: 10:44am On May 24, 2023
CuriousMind2022:
It's a known fact that most Nigerian girls marry who they consider ready for marriage and not necessarily who they love. I am exactly in that dilemma and the question I am asking myself is whether I should continue in this loveless marriage or slowly drift and walk away.

My marriage is barely 2 years and a few months, but it has been a rough journey for me. Things I never envisaged I would experience in my marriage, I have suffered, from utmost disrespect to verbal abuse.

I came to the conclusion that she doesn't love or care about me based on what happened yesterday. I was recently transferred from my base to a new location and because of that, I would only be able to visit weekends or twice a month. Prior to that, we barely had sex once a week.

We had already had sex the normal once we usually had it (Saturday morning), but I wanted more because I will only be coming back after two weeks. I initiated a move on Sunday morning, she declined because she was thinking of preparing food for our baby before we leave for church. We went to church and came back, and as usual, my wife was in her undies (just panties and bra) in the sitting room (This was what she wore throughout that Sunday).

I watched her walk around the house in that and that even turned me on the more. I am a practicing Christian, and I try not to look after other women lustfully, but common this is my wife, even God sanctions that. After being turned on throughout the day, I went to my wife in the night, (note she slept in the sitting room with our baby leaving me alone in the room) to enjoy my conjugal rights with her, but she gave me excuses that she is upset and not in the mood.

I left and went back, seriously konjified, I managed to sleep. The next morning, I woke up with my urges and went to the sitting room to have my morning devotion, but I could barely concentrate because I was still very Hot. I explained to her that so really wants me to go to my new station like this knowing fully well I will not be coming back until 2 weeks time. This woman did not care!

I took my bath, prepared myself, and set out for my office. I was not happy with her but I kept my cool and left for work. She had demanded that I dropped some money for her before leaving and despite the fact that I was not happy with her, I dropped the money in a conspicuous place where I know she will see it before leaving. This was my own way of saying I am not happy with what you did, but I still cared.

I try to do things I usually do for my wife even when I am angry with her. This is my own way of saying I may be angry with you, but I still cared about you and I am open to a resolution. On the other hand, my wife doesn't care what happens to me when she is upset. She immediately stops cooking for me ad any other thing she does for me when she is upset. It is obvious to me now that to my wife I don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. She is only caring and concerned, when she is not angry (when we are good and we don't have any issues). I believe that when you love somebody, you treat them right and show genuine love and care for them even when you're upset with them. This is what I have constantly shown to my wife in our 2+ years of marriage.

Back to my story of what happened weekend/Monday. My wife never bothered to call me to check if I arrived safely since I left the house yesterday. I even called her once (primarily to check on my daughter), but she didn't pick up and she didn't call back, and up till now, we have not spoken.

She obviously does not care whether I arrived safely in my station or not. In this country of insecurities, a family member of yours will travel and you do not care whether he/she arrived safely, that is the height for me, and in the actual sense, I should be the one upset here because she left me high and dry, despite knowing fully well I am very Hot.

I am a family-oriented person, I have always dreamt of having a peaceful, loving, and Godly home but unfortunately, the reverse is the case for my wife. I began to understand why family background is very important in a person's life, after getting married. My wife is from a family where they place little or no value on marriage. Her mother had children with 2 men, and my wife is obviously working very hard to follow that same path. She shows little or no enthusiasm in making our marriage work. I am always the one to initiate moves to resolve issues when we quarrel, whether I am right or wrong, I do not care, my focus is just on making my marriage work and my home peaceful.

This last episode shook me very hard, and I have been asking myself whether I want to continue in this loveless marriage or opt out. Working and living in a different city will even make it easier for me.

I needed to let my thoughts out and thanks to Nairaland, I have done so.



When next you are home,try to have a hearty conversation with your wife. Do no let misunderstanding linger! You didn't tell us the effort you made at conversation before you travelled back.
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by LifeHelper: 10:52am On May 24, 2023
If you want to be free from porn addiction WhatsApp 08145989548




CuriousMind2022:
It's a known fact that most Nigerian girls marry who they consider ready for marriage and not necessarily who they love. I am exactly in that dilemma and the question I am asking myself is whether I should continue in this loveless marriage or slowly drift and walk away.

My marriage is barely 2 years and a few months, but it has been a rough journey for me. Things I never envisaged I would experience in my marriage, I have suffered, from utmost disrespect to verbal abuse.

I came to the conclusion that she doesn't love or care about me based on what happened yesterday. I was recently transferred from my base to a new location and because of that, I would only be able to visit weekends or twice a month. Prior to that, we barely had sex once a week.

We had already had sex the normal once we usually had it (Saturday morning), but I wanted more because I will only be coming back after two weeks. I initiated a move on Sunday morning, she declined because she was thinking of preparing food for our baby before we leave for church. We went to church and came back, and as usual, my wife was in her undies (just panties and bra) in the sitting room (This was what she wore throughout that Sunday).

I watched her walk around the house in that and that even turned me on the more. I am a practicing Christian, and I try not to look after other women lustfully, but common this is my wife, even God sanctions that. After being turned on throughout the day, I went to my wife in the night, (note she slept in the sitting room with our baby leaving me alone in the room) to enjoy my conjugal rights with her, but she gave me excuses that she is upset and not in the mood.

I left and went back, seriously konjified, I managed to sleep. The next morning, I woke up with my urges and went to the sitting room to have my morning devotion, but I could barely concentrate because I was still very Hot. I explained to her that so really wants me to go to my new station like this knowing fully well I will not be coming back until 2 weeks time. This woman did not care!

I took my bath, prepared myself, and set out for my office. I was not happy with her but I kept my cool and left for work. She had demanded that I dropped some money for her before leaving and despite the fact that I was not happy with her, I dropped the money in a conspicuous place where I know she will see it before leaving. This was my own way of saying I am not happy with what you did, but I still cared.

I try to do things I usually do for my wife even when I am angry with her. This is my own way of saying I may be angry with you, but I still cared about you and I am open to a resolution. On the other hand, my wife doesn't care what happens to me when she is upset. She immediately stops cooking for me ad any other thing she does for me when she is upset. It is obvious to me now that to my wife I don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. She is only caring and concerned, when she is not angry (when we are good and we don't have any issues). I believe that when you love somebody, you treat them right and show genuine love and care for them even when you're upset with them. This is what I have constantly shown to my wife in our 2+ years of marriage.

Back to my story of what happened weekend/Monday. My wife never bothered to call me to check if I arrived safely since I left the house yesterday. I even called her once (primarily to check on my daughter), but she didn't pick up and she didn't call back, and up till now, we have not spoken.

She obviously does not care whether I arrived safely in my station or not. In this country of insecurities, a family member of yours will travel and you do not care whether he/she arrived safely, that is the height for me, and in the actual sense, I should be the one upset here because she left me high and dry, despite knowing fully well I am very Hot.

I am a family-oriented person, I have always dreamt of having a peaceful, loving, and Godly home but unfortunately, the reverse is the case for my wife. I began to understand why family background is very important in a person's life, after getting married. My wife is from a family where they place little or no value on marriage. Her mother had children with 2 men, and my wife is obviously working very hard to follow that same path. She shows little or no enthusiasm in making our marriage work. I am always the one to initiate moves to resolve issues when we quarrel, whether I am right or wrong, I do not care, my focus is just on making my marriage work and my home peaceful.

This last episode shook me very hard, and I have been asking myself whether I want to continue in this loveless marriage or opt out. Working and living in a different city will even make it easier for me.

I needed to let my thoughts out and thanks to Nairaland, I have done so.



1 Like

Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Princessdainty(m): 12:32pm On May 24, 2023
Women get married to have kids.
Men get married to have access to unrestrained sexual intercourse.

The moment a woman accomplishes her mission.(baby making), it's over for you bruh!
The love and affection is over..she tends her love towards her kids and the man is forgotten unless he continues to struggle to prove himself by providing...but he go still continue to beg for p...u.ssssy. cheesy


Girl!
Marriage is no luxury, it is a job! and a lot of y'all do not understand your duties.

If you like yourself as a young man, with high libido,make sure you enjoy yourselves well before procreating.
Cos Once you begin answer "papa Emeka"! See you see konji!

Nufffvcksgiven!

12 Likes 2 Shares

Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by chidiokay: 2:08pm On May 24, 2023
pocohantas:
The problem I have with men is they are experts at claiming victim. No matter how different or logical you think the one you are with is, break up with him first and you will most likely see a petty victim-playing human you never knew existed.

You are here acting like you are perfect and unaware of where it went wrong[b], but as a woman who has gone from 100 to 0 with a man in seconds, [/b]I knew something changed and I clicked on your profile. The answer was right there and you acknowledged when the HATRED started.

You know what you did. Fix it or keep whining like men that have toed this part before you.


aunty e rora ! there is no shortcut to GR undecided

1 Like

Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Kobojunkie: 2:22pm On May 24, 2023
CarlosTheJackal:
Your post always reeks of ignorance. Are you sure you are not in a mental asylum?
It takes one to know one, right? undecided

3 Likes

Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Nobody: 2:22pm On May 24, 2023
sisisioge:
It is well...I just do not understand why people do not take sexual compatibility seriously before deciding to get married. Your madam may just not have as much libido as you, hence the scarcity of conjugal dance.

But not caring about your safety is on another level fa. This is how people leave windows opened for strangers to mistakenly fall into their abodes. I just pity una....you've just moved away from home and she's being cold from a distance. Hello, 3rd party!

Do whatever eases your pain....this life too dey short to live in a tight corner. We wake everyday to pursue mostly economic gains with no time for emotional and mental gains. To live long and healthy, you need to be deliberate about your pursuit of happiness fa... do not allow others to undermine this pursuit. Good luck.

That is what you get most of the time for no sex before marriage.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Kobojunkie: 2:25pm On May 24, 2023
Ovieemmanuel:
â–  that's all you read? A woman that stops everything cause she is angry. Op run for your life now that it is one child. If you hesitate it would become 3. Then you would eventually leave and be sending money for 3 children. If you decide to stay when you get old you would cry yourself to death.
1. How old are you? You actually believe for a minute that people are as simple as OP description of his wife in his Op -- even a simpleton is more complex than OP'S wife if you are to go by the OP'S description there. undecided

Pfft! Life never begin train you. undecided
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by kingslj: 3:16pm On May 24, 2023
kkins25:
I don't usually pity men in these conditions. After what a pastor did to my friend not too long ago in the university, I usually say Ntoor for this kind case. Because, some of you know deep down that the babe isn't into you, but pressure saaaaaaaaaaaaa..... Promises upon promises, hope you didn't promise to take her abroad for studies too? grin grin grin grin grin.

I'd follow Klass99 advice if I were in your shoes, sha. I'm not married, but if somebody really likes you, giving them a taste of their own medicine works. One gurl like that haf used it on me (thunder fire her where ever she is), and I too have used it on others. Most of the time it works. grin grin grin grin..

What nigerian men dont understand about thier women is
1. Majority of the woman are not capable of love...
2, They equate love with the money you can support them with...Give them thay money comfort...They will still Bleep the gateman.
3.As a man you cant understand women especialy the species we produce here in nigeria,
Societal pressure and mentality of anything goes in nigeria have made some non thinking robots that will act out what is seen in the movies or what their friends/mother tell them
4, Some of the people here you are asking for advice do not care. The situation in the country has made them neurotic.

9 Likes

Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Ovieemmanuel: 3:42pm On May 24, 2023
Kobojunkie:
1. How old are you? You actually believe for a minute that people are as simple as OP description of his wife in his Op -- even a simpleton is more complex than OP'S wife if you are to go by the OP'S description there. undecided

Pfft! Life never begin train you. undecided
lol. Old enough to know those characters in some women.

1 Like

Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Kobojunkie: 4:09pm On May 24, 2023
Ovieemmanuel:
lol. Old enough to know those characters in some women.
There are no genetically recognized characters/traits that are unique to women, even some. lipsrsealed

2 Likes

Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Godwin4444: 4:21pm On May 24, 2023
CuriousMind2022:
It's a known fact that most Nigerian girls marry who they consider ready for marriage and not necessarily who they love. I am exactly in that dilemma and the question I am asking myself is whether I should continue in this loveless marriage or slowly drift and walk away.

My marriage is barely 2 years and a few months, but it has been a rough journey for me. Things I never envisaged I would experience in my marriage, I have suffered, from utmost disrespect to verbal abuse.

I came to the conclusion that she doesn't love or care about me based on what happened yesterday. I was recently transferred from my base to a new location and because of that, I would only be able to visit weekends or twice a month. Prior to that, we barely had sex once a week.

We had already had sex the normal once we usually had it (Saturday morning), but I wanted more because I will only be coming back after two weeks. I initiated a move on Sunday morning, she declined because she was thinking of preparing food for our baby before we leave for church. We went to church and came back, and as usual, my wife was in her undies (just panties and bra) in the sitting room (This was what she wore throughout that Sunday).

I watched her walk around the house in that and that even turned me on the more. I am a practicing Christian, and I try not to look after other women lustfully, but common this is my wife, even God sanctions that. After being turned on throughout the day, I went to my wife in the night, (note she slept in the sitting room with our baby leaving me alone in the room) to enjoy my conjugal rights with her, but she gave me excuses that she is upset and not in the mood.

I left and went back, seriously konjified, I managed to sleep. The next morning, I woke up with my urges and went to the sitting room to have my morning devotion, but I could barely concentrate because I was still very Hot. I explained to her that so really wants me to go to my new station like this knowing fully well I will not be coming back until 2 weeks time. This woman did not care!

I took my bath, prepared myself, and set out for my office. I was not happy with her but I kept my cool and left for work. She had demanded that I dropped some money for her before leaving and despite the fact that I was not happy with her, I dropped the money in a conspicuous place where I know she will see it before leaving. This was my own way of saying I am not happy with what you did, but I still cared.

I try to do things I usually do for my wife even when I am angry with her. This is my own way of saying I may be angry with you, but I still cared about you and I am open to a resolution. On the other hand, my wife doesn't care what happens to me when she is upset. She immediately stops cooking for me ad any other thing she does for me when she is upset. It is obvious to me now that to my wife I don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. She is only caring and concerned, when she is not angry (when we are good and we don't have any issues). I believe that when you love somebody, you treat them right and show genuine love and care for them even when you're upset with them. This is what I have constantly shown to my wife in our 2+ years of marriage.

Back to my story of what happened weekend/Monday. My wife never bothered to call me to check if I arrived safely since I left the house yesterday. I even called her once (primarily to check on my daughter), but she didn't pick up and she didn't call back, and up till now, we have not spoken.

She obviously does not care whether I arrived safely in my station or not. In this country of insecurities, a family member of yours will travel and you do not care whether he/she arrived safely, that is the height for me, and in the actual sense, I should be the one upset here because she left me high and dry, despite knowing fully well I am very Hot.

I am a family-oriented person, I have always dreamt of having a peaceful, loving, and Godly home but unfortunately, the reverse is the case for my wife. I began to understand why family background is very important in a person's life, after getting married. My wife is from a family where they place little or no value on marriage. Her mother had children with 2 men, and my wife is obviously working very hard to follow that same path. She shows little or no enthusiasm in making our marriage work. I am always the one to initiate moves to resolve issues when we quarrel, whether I am right or wrong, I do not care, my focus is just on making my marriage work and my home peaceful.

This last episode shook me very hard, and I have been asking myself whether I want to continue in this loveless marriage or opt out. Working and living in a different city will even make it easier for me.

I needed to let my thoughts out and thanks to Nairaland, I have done so.



who raised all these mumu men self?

2 Likes

Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Godwin4444: 4:28pm On May 24, 2023
Klass99:


Aww......you genuinely sound like a good man. It's sad you are not getting the love and attention you want or deserve.

Actions speak louder than words! Perhaps you need to change the narrative for her to get better results in your marriage.

Notice I didn't say talk to her or verbally communicate your concerns. Show her what you can do by your actions, show her that two can play this game she's playing. Don't buy into the narrative that two wrongs don't make a right.

From personal experience two wrongs do make a right - it is called giving people a dose of their own medicine, which usually pains them grin and they know not to mess with you again or they adjust their conduct. But it's your call.
op

See a lady telling u how to b a man, my own rule is that I don’t have a way of treating people I will treat u same way u treat me

That’s my principle for everyone I meet, if u treat me right I will give u d right energy n if otherwise I go do u bad

Me I no get nice attitude

19 Likes 1 Share

Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Godwin4444: 4:52pm On May 24, 2023
CuriousMind2022:


Pocohantas, you're a very popular moniker here, so I know you very well. And I will take my time to respond to you. This is also my alternate moniker, which I created last year while my marriage was on the verge of collapsing.

You read my thread and I don't blame you for making the assumptions that you made.

March 22, 2022, is a day I will never forget in my life. On that fateful day, my wife and I had a fight and she pulled five kitchen knives on me, that she will kill me, kill herself and then call our parents to come take our baby. Unknowingly, to me, my wife whom I married had become filled with so much resentment for me. She literarily saw me as a filthy person, because of my bad habits then. I was consumed in lust and masturbation, I wake up in the mornings then and the first thing I do is to start surfing Instagram admiring all manner of women with big butts. Slowly, I became obsessed with soft porn (At the time I told myself I wasn't doing pornography because I don't watch pornstars have sex).
Thankfully, after I shared my ordeal here last year, I got to know that I was actually doing soft porn.

After the fight last year, I left my house to go live with my elder brother. I actually stayed there for about 3 weeks, before the issue was resolved and I returned back home. It took interventions from 2 of our pastors and my elder brother and his wife to resolve the issue. My wife is a sensitive person, and I didn't know she had hacked my phone and was seeing everything I was doing on the internet. She literarily knew the names of the handles, I loved visiting. This caused her to hate me so much! She didn't see the other good things I was doing. Well, I didn't really blame her for that.

After that terrible incident, I blamed myself for everything that happened. I still remember, how I wept in my elder brother's...I kept on calling my name and telling myself that see how I had allowed lust and pervasion to ruin my home. I was broken, and I cried to God to help me overcome those bad habits and restore my home. Thankfully, God help me. The first thing I had to do was to come out clean! I confessed to my pastors and my elder brother the real problem in my home.

As a Christian, I have come to know that the only way to be free from such secret and destructive sin as pornography and masturbation is by coming out publicly.

Aside from coming out publicly, I took some drastic steps. I deleted all my social media accounts (Instagram, Facebook, and even WhatsApp). I also did away with using and having a smartphone, I used torchlight for a very long time just to avoid stumbling on my triggers on the internet. Just to add, that it was also quite easy for me to overcome those bad habits of mine because I was not really an addict as my wife thought. I started masturbating when I was already a full-grown man, I loved looking at beautiful women and that was actually the part that I struggled with. But thankfully, God helped me and even now I can boldly share my story anywhere I was once trapped in the web of soft pornography, but God helped me to overcome it.

I really didn't owe you this explanation, but I saw the need to clear you on this that what you read in my thread last year, is an old me.

As I stated in my original post in this thread, I still believe my wife's background is what is chiefly affecting her. And she is not the type that listens to advice, if not she probably would have improved. I still remember the battles we had to fight both physically and spiritually before we could get married. Her family practically did not want her to get married.




u cry because of woman matter

U no get sense, no wonder she dey do u bad

So if u come give another girl belle na to kill your self right?

I keep asking myself who raised all these mumu men

5 Likes

Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Gentlesniper(m): 5:12pm On May 24, 2023
Kobojunkie:
All I read is you equate love with sex and your wife denying you sex means she has no love for you. And you somehow think the blame should all be on her as far as the problems you perceive in your marriage, no be so? **yawn***undecided

If you actually read all what he wrote and came with this conclusion, then I can say comprehension is not your forte.
You didn't read where he wrote that he travelled and the wife never bothered to call to check if he arrived safely, he even called and she didn't pick and never returned his calls.

10 Likes 1 Share

Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by NameInUse(f): 5:50pm On May 24, 2023
I think you should stay cool and watch her till she's tired of whatever thing she's doing and then you can talk about it. She's probably enjoying the attention you give her if that stops she'd come around.

2 Likes

Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by ivolt: 7:43pm On May 24, 2023
@CuriousMind2022
Marriage is not Hollyhood romance where couples live happily ever after.
Stop chasing imaginary love.

The much hyped romance and love significantly reduces within 3 to 5 years of marriage.
In fact, it is biologically impossible to maintain such state of excitement for extended period of time,
it ebbs and flows.
That is when we separate smart couples from naive ones.
Smart couples adapt while the other ones lament and go out seeking a new toy
only to be hit with the same cycle once again.

The only question you need to answer is whether your wife hates you and
cannot be convinced otherwise.
If that is the case, then go for professional counselling together.
If counselling doesn't work, then separation is justified.

6 Likes 1 Share

Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by abobote: 7:43pm On May 24, 2023
5
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Nobody: 7:44pm On May 24, 2023
CuriousMind2022:
It's a known fact that most Nigerian girls marry who they consider ready for marriage and not necessarily who they love. I am exactly in that dilemma and the question I am asking myself is whether I should continue in this loveless marriage or slowly drift and walk away.

My marriage is barely 2 years and a few months, but it has been a rough journey for me. Things I never envisaged I would experience in my marriage, I have suffered, from utmost disrespect to verbal abuse.

I came to the conclusion that she doesn't love or care about me based on what happened yesterday. I was recently transferred from my base to a new location and because of that, I would only be able to visit weekends or twice a month. Prior to that, we barely had sex once a week.

We had already had sex the normal once we usually had it (Saturday morning), but I wanted more because I will only be coming back after two weeks. I initiated a move on Sunday morning, she declined because she was thinking of preparing food for our baby before we leave for church. We went to church and came back, and as usual, my wife was in her undies (just panties and bra) in the sitting room (This was what she wore throughout that Sunday).

I watched her walk around the house in that and that even turned me on the more. I am a practicing Christian, and I try not to look after other women lustfully, but common this is my wife, even God sanctions that. After being turned on throughout the day, I went to my wife in the night, (note she slept in the sitting room with our baby leaving me alone in the room) to enjoy my conjugal rights with her, but she gave me excuses that she is upset and not in the mood.

I left and went back, seriously konjified, I managed to sleep. The next morning, I woke up with my urges and went to the sitting room to have my morning devotion, but I could barely concentrate because I was still very Hot. I explained to her that so really wants me to go to my new station like this knowing fully well I will not be coming back until 2 weeks time. This woman did not care!

I took my bath, prepared myself, and set out for my office. I was not happy with her but I kept my cool and left for work. She had demanded that I dropped some money for her before leaving and despite the fact that I was not happy with her, I dropped the money in a conspicuous place where I know she will see it before leaving. This was my own way of saying I am not happy with what you did, but I still cared.

I try to do things I usually do for my wife even when I am angry with her. This is my own way of saying I may be angry with you, but I still cared about you and I am open to a resolution. On the other hand, my wife doesn't care what happens to me when she is upset. She immediately stops cooking for me ad any other thing she does for me when she is upset. It is obvious to me now that to my wife I don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. She is only caring and concerned, when she is not angry (when we are good and we don't have any issues). I believe that when you love somebody, you treat them right and show genuine love and care for them even when you're upset with them. This is what I have constantly shown to my wife in our 2+ years of marriage.

Back to my story of what happened weekend/Monday. My wife never bothered to call me to check if I arrived safely since I left the house yesterday. I even called her once (primarily to check on my daughter), but she didn't pick up and she didn't call back, and up till now, we have not spoken.

She obviously does not care whether I arrived safely in my station or not. In this country of insecurities, a family member of yours will travel and you do not care whether he/she arrived safely, that is the height for me, and in the actual sense, I should be the one upset here because she left me high and dry, despite knowing fully well I am very Hot.

I am a family-oriented person, I have always dreamt of having a peaceful, loving, and Godly home but unfortunately, the reverse is the case for my wife. I began to understand why family background is very important in a person's life, after getting married. My wife is from a family where they place little or no value on marriage. Her mother had children with 2 men, and my wife is obviously working very hard to follow that same path. She shows little or no enthusiasm in making our marriage work. I am always the one to initiate moves to resolve issues when we quarrel, whether I am right or wrong, I do not care, my focus is just on making my marriage work and my home peaceful.

This last episode shook me very hard, and I have been asking myself whether I want to continue in this loveless marriage or opt out. Working and living in a different city will even make it easier for me.

I needed to let my thoughts out and thanks to Nairaland, I have done so.





Just two years and you don dey complain..Marriage is a beautiful thing please

Onto the next please
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Kobojunkie: 7:45pm On May 24, 2023
Gentlesniper:
â–  If you actually read all what he wrote and came with this conclusion, then I can say comprehension is not your forte.
You didn't read where he wrote that he travelled and the wife never bothered to call to check if he arrived safely, he even called and she didn't pick and never returned his calls.
Read the OP'S follow up so you learn more about the background story than what he has in the OP which portrays the wife as being even worse than a simpleton. undecided
Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by jaxxy(m): 7:45pm On May 24, 2023
I don't understand how people can use their own money to fund their own unhappiness and abuse.

u paid dowry on a girl u clearly knew doesn't love u and u spent ur hard earned money to marry her and fake a happy marriage? I don't understand how some guys think honestly speaking.

op what ure facing in ur marriage is what guys faced in their relationships while learning the ropes of how to deal with women. Women are very manipulative and they are aware of it and also know when they are dealing with a naive guy. She is emotionally abusing u and u do not know how to respond.

if I tell u how to respond u will not have the guts to do it and change this power game in ur marriage. Right now ur wife controls the marriage not u. She does what she wants and u simp to it like a chicken.

She can even cheat on u and u wudnt know it and even u know u won't be able to do anything about it.

U need to act like a man and be a man. U don't beg for intimacy u make ur partner want it by knowing her love language and how to seduce her bt u have no idea and u dated her?

u see panties and bra thing all over the house u think its normal abi? its a power game and u failing at it badly. she knows u want sex bt she won't give it to u not with ur simp attitude. She gives u out of pity when she wants and using it to control u like a dog on a leash.

Then u travel and she has the guts to ask u for money and u give it to her just like that? She still doesn't call u or pick ur calls or return ur calls? Dude wake up!!!! Have a serious talk with her. Don't let it drag or fester. Tell her off when she's wrong and even when she's not wrong. she deserves it. Stop being too correct and proper.

U are a hardworking man bt u are emotionally weak.

12 Likes 1 Share

Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by finallybusy: 7:45pm On May 24, 2023
Repeat story. God, the moderators here don’t have shame.

1 Like

Re: I do not feel loved by my wife, Is this enough reason to quit my marriage? by Wodu89: 7:46pm On May 24, 2023
CuriousMind2022:
It's a known fact that most Nigerian girls marry who they consider ready for marriage and not necessarily who they love. I am exactly in that dilemma and the question I am asking myself is whether I should continue in this loveless marriage or slowly drift and walk away.

My marriage is barely 2 years and a few months, but it has been a rough journey for me. Things I never envisaged I would experience in my marriage, I have suffered, from utmost disrespect to verbal abuse.

I came to the conclusion that she doesn't love or care about me based on what happened yesterday. I was recently transferred from my base to a new location and because of that, I would only be able to visit weekends or twice a month. Prior to that, we barely had sex once a week.

We had already had sex the normal once we usually had it (Saturday morning), but I wanted more because I will only be coming back after two weeks. I initiated a move on Sunday morning, she declined because she was thinking of preparing food for our baby before we leave for church. We went to church and came back, and as usual, my wife was in her undies (just panties and bra) in the sitting room (This was what she wore throughout that Sunday).

I watched her walk around the house in that and that even turned me on the more. I am a practicing Christian, and I try not to look after other women lustfully, but common this is my wife, even God sanctions that. After being turned on throughout the day, I went to my wife in the night, (note she slept in the sitting room with our baby leaving me alone in the room) to enjoy my conjugal rights with her, but she gave me excuses that she is upset and not in the mood.

I left and went back, seriously konjified, I managed to sleep. The next morning, I woke up with my urges and went to the sitting room to have my morning devotion, but I could barely concentrate because I was still very Hot. I explained to her that so really wants me to go to my new station like this knowing fully well I will not be coming back until 2 weeks time. This woman did not care!

I took my bath, prepared myself, and set out for my office. I was not happy with her but I kept my cool and left for work. She had demanded that I dropped some money for her before leaving and despite the fact that I was not happy with her, I dropped the money in a conspicuous place where I know she will see it before leaving. This was my own way of saying I am not happy with what you did, but I still cared.

I try to do things I usually do for my wife even when I am angry with her. This is my own way of saying I may be angry with you, but I still cared about you and I am open to a resolution. On the other hand, my wife doesn't care what happens to me when she is upset. She immediately stops cooking for me ad any other thing she does for me when she is upset. It is obvious to me now that to my wife I don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. She is only caring and concerned, when she is not angry (when we are good and we don't have any issues). I believe that when you love somebody, you treat them right and show genuine love and care for them even when you're upset with them. This is what I have constantly shown to my wife in our 2+ years of marriage.

Back to my story of what happened weekend/Monday. My wife never bothered to call me to check if I arrived safely since I left the house yesterday. I even called her once (primarily to check on my daughter), but she didn't pick up and she didn't call back, and up till now, we have not spoken.

She obviously does not care whether I arrived safely in my station or not. In this country of insecurities, a family member of yours will travel and you do not care whether he/she arrived safely, that is the height for me, and in the actual sense, I should be the one upset here because she left me high and dry, despite knowing fully well I am very Hot.

I am a family-oriented person, I have always dreamt of having a peaceful, loving, and Godly home but unfortunately, the reverse is the case for my wife. I began to understand why family background is very important in a person's life, after getting married. My wife is from a family where they place little or no value on marriage. Her mother had children with 2 men, and my wife is obviously working very hard to follow that same path. She shows little or no enthusiasm in making our marriage work. I am always the one to initiate moves to resolve issues when we quarrel, whether I am right or wrong, I do not care, my focus is just on making my marriage work and my home peaceful.

This last episode shook me very hard, and I have been asking myself whether I want to continue in this loveless marriage or opt out. Working and living in a different city will even make it easier for me.

I needed to let my thoughts out and thanks to Nairaland, I have done so.






She believes.in.wihilding affection. These kinds are damaged. Did you court her at all It doesn't happen overnight


She's toying with your emotions, shit testing you in various ways and manipulating you. You're so manipulated right now that you don't even know your needs, rights and wants


First of all, see a therapist solo to clear the fog in your head

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