₦airaland Forum

Klass99:
Aww......you genuinely sound like a good man. It's sad you are not getting the love and attention you want or deserve.

Actions speak louder than words! Perhaps you need to change the narrative for her to get better results in your marriage.

Notice I didn't say talk to her or verbally communicate your concerns. Show her what you can do by your actions, show her that two can play this game she's playing. Don't buy into the narrative that two wrongs don't make a right.

From personal experience two wrongs do make a right - it is called giving people a dose of their own medicine, which usually pains them and they know not to mess with you again or they adjust their conduct. But it's your call.

Kobojunkie:
All I read is you equate love with sex and your wife denying you sex means she has no love for you. And you somehow think the blame should all be on her as far as the problems you perceive in your marriage, no be so? **yawn***

Kobojunkie:
All I read is you equate love with sex and your wife denying you sex means she has no love for you. And you somehow think the blame should all be on her as far as the problems you perceive in your marriage, no be so? **yawn***

Kobojunkie:
All I read is you equate love with sex and your wife denying you sex means she has no love for you. And you somehow think the blame should all be on her as far as the problems you perceive in your marriage, no be so? **yawn***

CuriousMind2022:
Her resentment actually died. At least we have gone past having physical fights in our marriage. The only thing is that she lacks enthusiasm in making the marriage work.

Before we settled after that incident, she was asked both by our Pastors and by my elder brother and his wife, if she wanted to continue with the marriage, and she affirmed yes. I just don't know why she is not ready to put in the work to make it work.

Personally, I wouldn't feel bad if my marriage collapses now, because I have done my best. And unlike last year, when I took full responsibility for our marital problems, because I knew I was largely the cause, that is not the case today, because God knows I have done my best.

Angelfrost:
Marriage is not for everyone is not the same as "Marriage is for nobody"!

I got married and have remained happily married without unnecessary drama because it clearly suits me.

There are several people, even close associates enjoying singleness the same way!

Kobojunkie:
All I read is you equate love with sex and your wife denying you sex means she has no love for you. And you somehow think the blame should all be on her as far as the problems you perceive in your marriage, no be so? **yawn***

RenegadeX:
Op ignore this simpish advice okay. Don’t have any heart to heart talk with any mofo . See I have dealt with women and I know them like the back of my palm. I repeat don’t have any heart to heart talk. Start giving her woto woto. An eye for eye. Sometimes this bitches do not respect you when you act Christlike or behave as a Godly man. They want to see crazy and you should enjoy showing crazy.

You need to harden your heart to a point were if a bitch threatens to leave you. You open the door and kick her ass out for making that threat. Kick her so had that she falls and scrapes her knee on the floor.

That money you are giving her stop giving her shishi. Don’t help her do anything. When you come home buy fast food and eat in her presence. Do your laundry yourself and make sure you go out and hangout with friends and post pictures of yourself having fun and arrange one of your guys girl to hold you in a romantic way.

When you come back don’t respond to her questions or naggings. Don’t make any advance sexually behave like she does not exist.

Either of two ;Dthings will happen. Either she will come to her senses or she too will not mind you. If she doesn’t mind you then I’m afraid someone is giving her back to back the way she wants it. She wants to tow her mothers lifestyle.

I repeat drop that gentleman that you are forming they don’t respect it. This bitches are like children once you don’t call their bluff they triple down on their bad behavior.

If she tries to abuse you verbally give am better slap for her left eye

You will be surprised how that once a week will change to thrice a week

I am just like you Mr op a very good man that don’t like cheating but if you take my calmness for weakness and want to be disrespectful. You go collect woto woto. Ready to go your papa house or that useless dick that she wants to cheat on me with. Let her go and have it fully. I no send your papa

TWoods:
■ You have a warped view of love. It is sacrifice… and part of that sacrifice includes not depriving your partner of your body, unless their are salient reasons why (schedule conflicts, illness etc.)… for all my complaints, I have to give my wife credit. She’s a saint… she makes it a rule - never deny your partner sex even if she’s not in the mood. Let me go and give her a good gift… some men are really suffering.

Kobojunkie:
All I read is you equate love with sex and your wife denying you sex means she has no love for you. And you somehow think the blame should all be on her as far as the problems you perceive in your marriage, no be so? **yawn***

CuriousMind2022:
It's a known fact that most Nigerian girls marry who they consider ready for marriage and not necessarily who they love. I am exactly in that dilemma and the question I am asking myself is whether I should continue in this loveless marriage or slowly drift and walk away.

My marriage is barely 2 years and a few months, but it has been a rough journey for me. Things I never envisaged I would experience in my marriage, I have suffered, from utmost disrespect to verbal abuse.

I came to the conclusion that she doesn't love or care about me based on what happened yesterday. I was recently transferred from my base to a new location and because of that, I would only be able to visit weekends or twice a month. Prior to that, we barely had sex once a week.

We had already had sex the normal once we usually had it (Saturday morning), but I wanted more because I will only be coming back after two weeks. I initiated a move on Sunday morning, she declined because she was thinking of preparing food for our baby before we leave for church. We went to church and came back, and as usual, my wife was in her undies (just panties and bra) in the sitting room (This was what she wore throughout that Sunday).

I watched her walk around the house in that and that even turned me on the more. I am a practicing Christian, and I try not to look after other women lustfully, but common this is my wife, even God sanctions that. After being turned on throughout the day, I went to my wife in the night, (note she slept in the sitting room with our baby leaving me alone in the room) to enjoy my conjugal rights with her, but she gave me excuses that she is upset and not in the mood.

I left and went back, seriously konjified, I managed to sleep. The next morning, I woke up with my urges and went to the sitting room to have my morning devotion, but I could barely concentrate because I was still very Hot. I explained to her that so really wants me to go to my new station like this knowing fully well I will not be coming back until 2 weeks time. This woman did not care!

I took my bath, prepared myself, and set out for my office. I was not happy with her but I kept my cool and left for work. She had demanded that I dropped some money for her before leaving and despite the fact that I was not happy with her, I dropped the money in a conspicuous place where I know she will see it before leaving. This was my own way of saying I am not happy with what you did, but I still cared.

I try to do things I usually do for my wife even when I am angry with her. This is my own way of saying I may be angry with you, but I still cared about you and I am open to a resolution. On the other hand, my wife doesn't care what happens to me when she is upset. She immediately stops cooking for me ad any other thing she does for me when she is upset. It is obvious to me now that to my wife I don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. She is only caring and concerned, when she is not angry (when we are good and we don't have any issues). I believe that when you love somebody, you treat them right and show genuine love and care for them even when you're upset with them. This is what I have constantly shown to my wife in our 2+ years of marriage.

Back to my story of what happened weekend/Monday. My wife never bothered to call me to check if I arrived safely since I left the house yesterday. I even called her once (primarily to check on my daughter), but she didn't pick up and she didn't call back, and up till now, we have not spoken.

She obviously does not care whether I arrived safely in my station or not. In this country of insecurities, a family member of yours will travel and you do not care whether he/she arrived safely, that is the height for me, and in the actual sense, I should be the one upset here because she left me high and dry, despite knowing fully well I am very Hot.

I am a family-oriented person, I have always dreamt of having a peaceful, loving, and Godly home but unfortunately, the reverse is the case for my wife. I began to understand why family background is very important in a person's life, after getting married. My wife is from a family where they place little or no value on marriage. Her mother had children with 2 men, and my wife is obviously working very hard to follow that same path. She shows little or no enthusiasm in making our marriage work. I am always the one to initiate moves to resolve issues when we quarrel, whether I am right or wrong, I do not care, my focus is just on making my marriage work and my home peaceful.

This last episode shook me very hard, and I have been asking myself whether I want to continue in this loveless marriage or opt out. Working and living in a different city will even make it easier for me.

I needed to let my thoughts out and thanks to Nairaland, I have done so.

Klass99:
Aww......you genuinely sound like a good man. It's sad you are not getting the love and attention you want or deserve.

Actions speak louder than words! Perhaps you need to change the narrative for her to get better results in your marriage.

Notice I didn't say talk to her or verbally communicate your concerns. Show her what you can do by your actions, show her that two can play this game she's playing. Don't buy into the narrative that two wrongs don't make a right.

From personal experience two wrongs do make a right - it is called giving people a dose of their own medicine, which usually pains them and they know not to mess with you again or they adjust their conduct. But it's your call.

Goodplace:
You talk like you have psychological paralysis...isnt love making part of love?

CuriousMind2022:
It's a known fact that most Nigerian girls marry who they consider ready for marriage and not necessarily who they love. I am exactly in that dilemma and the question I am asking myself is whether I should continue in this loveless marriage or slowly drift and walk away.

My marriage is barely 2 years and a few months, but it has been a rough journey for me. Things I never envisaged I would experience in my marriage, I have suffered, from utmost disrespect to verbal abuse.

I came to the conclusion that she doesn't love or care about me based on what happened yesterday. I was recently transferred from my base to a new location and because of that, I would only be able to visit weekends or twice a month. Prior to that, we barely had sex once a week.

We had already had sex the normal once we usually had it (Saturday morning), but I wanted more because I will only be coming back after two weeks. I initiated a move on Sunday morning, she declined because she was thinking of preparing food for our baby before we leave for church. We went to church and came back, and as usual, my wife was in her undies (just panties and bra) in the sitting room (This was what she wore throughout that Sunday).

I watched her walk around the house in that and that even turned me on the more. I am a practicing Christian, and I try not to look after other women lustfully, but common this is my wife, even God sanctions that. After being turned on throughout the day, I went to my wife in the night, (note she slept in the sitting room with our baby leaving me alone in the room) to enjoy my conjugal rights with her, but she gave me excuses that she is upset and not in the mood.

I left and went back, seriously konjified, I managed to sleep. The next morning, I woke up with my urges and went to the sitting room to have my morning devotion, but I could barely concentrate because I was still very Hot. I explained to her that so really wants me to go to my new station like this knowing fully well I will not be coming back until 2 weeks time. This woman did not care!

I took my bath, prepared myself, and set out for my office. I was not happy with her but I kept my cool and left for work. She had demanded that I dropped some money for her before leaving and despite the fact that I was not happy with her, I dropped the money in a conspicuous place where I know she will see it before leaving. This was my own way of saying I am not happy with what you did, but I still cared.

I try to do things I usually do for my wife even when I am angry with her. This is my own way of saying I may be angry with you, but I still cared about you and I am open to a resolution. On the other hand, my wife doesn't care what happens to me when she is upset. She immediately stops cooking for me ad any other thing she does for me when she is upset. It is obvious to me now that to my wife I don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. She is only caring and concerned, when she is not angry (when we are good and we don't have any issues). I believe that when you love somebody, you treat them right and show genuine love and care for them even when you're upset with them. This is what I have constantly shown to my wife in our 2+ years of marriage.

Back to my story of what happened weekend/Monday. My wife never bothered to call me to check if I arrived safely since I left the house yesterday. I even called her once (primarily to check on my daughter), but she didn't pick up and she didn't call back, and up till now, we have not spoken.

She obviously does not care whether I arrived safely in my station or not. In this country of insecurities, a family member of yours will travel and you do not care whether he/she arrived safely, that is the height for me, and in the actual sense, I should be the one upset here because she left me high and dry, despite knowing fully well I am very Hot.

I am a family-oriented person, I have always dreamt of having a peaceful, loving, and Godly home but unfortunately, the reverse is the case for my wife. I began to understand why family background is very important in a person's life, after getting married. My wife is from a family where they place little or no value on marriage. Her mother had children with 2 men, and my wife is obviously working very hard to follow that same path. She shows little or no enthusiasm in making our marriage work. I am always the one to initiate moves to resolve issues when we quarrel, whether I am right or wrong, I do not care, my focus is just on making my marriage work and my home peaceful.

This last episode shook me very hard, and I have been asking myself whether I want to continue in this loveless marriage or opt out. Working and living in a different city will even make it easier for me.

I needed to let my thoughts out and thanks to Nairaland, I have done so.
Do you need my honest opinion? Bro, love your wife Wella,you saw all this signs from the beginning but you ignore and believe all will work out fine. Call her if you have to,go home and talk to her from your heart,tell her your pains and how you ve always wanted your relationship and marriage to be. Tell her the plans and intent for the future and how you see a better her in that future. Tell her you won't give up on her and how much you love her . A wise man build is nest and also maintain it

Octopusssy:
But you're exhorting men to stay single. You didn't make any distinction in your blanket statement. You explicitly used the 'una' and 'any of you'.

Oga, you should have taken your own counsel. You cannot be preaching singlehood while being happily married. That's speaking from both sides of your mouth

Kobojunkie:
All I read is you equate love with sex and your wife denying you sex means she has no love for you. And you somehow think the blame should all be on her as far as the problems you perceive in your marriage, no be so? **yawn***

peedeeasobie:
■ Yes, his wife denying him sex repeatedly means she doesn't love him. That is as basic as ABC. This is a marriage and not something else.

graceapadija:
Best advice ever, op should press ignore button and pretend has if you are having another babe. She will come around

being:
Those are relationships. In marriage, it can be very different. To be sure, constant retaliations like that is a leading cause of marriage breakdowns... OP get her(&u) counselling fast!!!

Angelfrost:
Let me put it in a simpler way for you...!

Marriage is not something you preach about, same with singleness!

They are clear life choices... I only harp on singleness because our hypocritical society has for years been demonizing it as if it's an anomaly!

People actually need to be taught and told that singleness isn't as bad as it is called... That it is coming from someone who has tasted both singleness and is in marriage should give it more weight.

CuriousMind2022:
It's a known fact that most Nigerian girls marry who they consider ready for marriage and not necessarily who they love. I am exactly in that dilemma and the question I am asking myself is whether I should continue in this loveless marriage or slowly drift and walk away.

My marriage is barely 2 years and a few months, but it has been a rough journey for me. Things I never envisaged I would experience in my marriage, I have suffered, from utmost disrespect to verbal abuse.

I came to the conclusion that she doesn't love or care about me based on what happened yesterday. I was recently transferred from my base to a new location and because of that, I would only be able to visit weekends or twice a month. Prior to that, we barely had sex once a week.

We had already had sex the normal once we usually had it (Saturday morning), but I wanted more because I will only be coming back after two weeks. I initiated a move on Sunday morning, she declined because she was thinking of preparing food for our baby before we leave for church. We went to church and came back, and as usual, my wife was in her undies (just panties and bra) in the sitting room (This was what she wore throughout that Sunday).

I watched her walk around the house in that and that even turned me on the more. I am a practicing Christian, and I try not to look after other women lustfully, but common this is my wife, even God sanctions that. After being turned on throughout the day, I went to my wife in the night, (note she slept in the sitting room with our baby leaving me alone in the room) to enjoy my conjugal rights with her, but she gave me excuses that she is upset and not in the mood.

I left and went back, seriously konjified, I managed to sleep. The next morning, I woke up with my urges and went to the sitting room to have my morning devotion, but I could barely concentrate because I was still very Hot. I explained to her that so really wants me to go to my new station like this knowing fully well I will not be coming back until 2 weeks time. This woman did not care!

I took my bath, prepared myself, and set out for my office. I was not happy with her but I kept my cool and left for work. She had demanded that I dropped some money for her before leaving and despite the fact that I was not happy with her, I dropped the money in a conspicuous place where I know she will see it before leaving. This was my own way of saying I am not happy with what you did, but I still cared.

I try to do things I usually do for my wife even when I am angry with her. This is my own way of saying I may be angry with you, but I still cared about you and I am open to a resolution. On the other hand, my wife doesn't care what happens to me when she is upset. She immediately stops cooking for me ad any other thing she does for me when she is upset. It is obvious to me now that to my wife I don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. She is only caring and concerned, when she is not angry (when we are good and we don't have any issues). I believe that when you love somebody, you treat them right and show genuine love and care for them even when you're upset with them. This is what I have constantly shown to my wife in our 2+ years of marriage.

Back to my story of what happened weekend/Monday. My wife never bothered to call me to check if I arrived safely since I left the house yesterday. I even called her once (primarily to check on my daughter), but she didn't pick up and she didn't call back, and up till now, we have not spoken.

She obviously does not care whether I arrived safely in my station or not. In this country of insecurities, a family member of yours will travel and you do not care whether he/she arrived safely, that is the height for me, and in the actual sense, I should be the one upset here because she left me high and dry, despite knowing fully well I am very Hot.

I am a family-oriented person, I have always dreamt of having a peaceful, loving, and Godly home but unfortunately, the reverse is the case for my wife. I began to understand why family background is very important in a person's life, after getting married. My wife is from a family where they place little or no value on marriage. Her mother had children with 2 men, and my wife is obviously working very hard to follow that same path. She shows little or no enthusiasm in making our marriage work. I am always the one to initiate moves to resolve issues when we quarrel, whether I am right or wrong, I do not care, my focus is just on making my marriage work and my home peaceful.

This last episode shook me very hard, and I have been asking myself whether I want to continue in this loveless marriage or opt out. Working and living in a different city will even make it easier for me.

I needed to let my thoughts out and thanks to Nairaland, I have done so.


Rather than come here for all manner of advise, I will opine you pray about this and have a conversation around it. Some will also suggest I talk to someone but I'm not of that school of thought. Another thing I need to do is a self re-examination; ask yourself if there are things you need to amend in your own life
First few years of marriage are usually difficult times. I'm telling you from experience but if you can keep the whole thing afloat for another couple of months, you will both be ok.
May God help you both

CuriousMind2022:
You're wrong sir. My wife was very much into me before our wedding. She literally made me marry her, because at some point I began to develop cold feet. She did everything to please me, showed me love and care, and pretended to be a good girl. I would not force, cajole or entice a woman into marrying me. This is why I am asking myself if I should continue in this marriage if truly she doesn't care about me anymore. I strongly believe marriage should be between two people who are genuinely interested in being together and if it is obvious she is tired of us being together, I would be the first to excuse myself from the marriage. I just don't want to make a hasty decision, so I will still wait and be sure I am not overthinking things.

Angelfrost:
Your life frustrations are not my headache...!

I never said Marriage is solely dependent on money, that was your pitiably flawed deduction stemming from your diminished objectivity.

Marriage is simply not for everyone! Whether rich or poor! Thank you.

Kobojunkie:
All I read is you equate love with sex and your wife denying you sex means she has no love for you. And you somehow think the blame should all be on her as far as the problems you perceive in your marriage, no be so? **yawn***