₦airaland Forum

I feel compelled to respond to this topic because, in today's environment, we tend to think that anything is possible and act blindly without realising the ramifications of our actions.

This should serve as a lesson to any woman who decides to become a mother but she and the simp guy reject doing what is proper in the eyes of the law, tradition, and nature. Since it is your body, you can sleep with any man, but if you decide to become pregnant, please use common judgement.


I am aware that sometimes a man appears to be fully responsible, but once responsibility sets in, he looks for an easy way out. Please keep in mind that life and nature's forces will never offer you mercy, but you still have to act morally.



Having said that, the biological father of the girl is paid the bride price in the majority of Nigerian cultures. Tradition and nature take that into account, regardless of whether the father is a deadbeat. The only way an adopted father can collect the bride price from the prospective husband is if you adopt a daughter, either through a legal adoption or by marrying a woman who has a female kid from another man and whose father and his family remain unknown anywhere on our planet earth. This African tradition cannot be altered by your feelings, your resentment, your awakening, or modernism.



You can debate for all of time, but tradition is tradition. Brideprice is a custom that must be observed in accordance with tradition. I will counsel everyone engaged to maintain their position, to avoid the negative effects of custom, and to follow what tradition dictated. Nobody wants to be associated with a deadbeat, yet life may be a pain at times. Do the needful.



Let every single girl know the serious repercussions of having a child outside of a committed marriage. Life is dynamic.

Bro calm down
Which one is tradition is tradition
I actually accepted my mom to my dad
I use my mom surname

Micheal56:
Bro calm down
Which one is tradition is tradition
I actually accepted my mom to my dad
I use my mom surname

It was your decision, but not Nigeria's culture and norm.

A

sirjamesjnr:
It was your decision, but not Nigeria's culture and norm.

I die
He get watin do me ?
Bro this is real life
Let Bleep up be treated

Superstory,no deadbeat father deserves good whether tradition or no tradition .

as much as this deadbeat man may be the Biological father of that child, since he hasnt raised nor done anything for that child to become the great person she is today (NOR IS HE LEGALLY HER GUARDIAN), the bride price if any should be paid to mother and/or guardian of that child.

...and rightfully say FUKC IT to culture and tradition.

My concern is that most times these women who gave birth outside wedlock brainwash their children to see their biological fathers as deadbeats.

So it is the women you have to blamed here. What happens to all those men rejecting kids/ pregnancy and telling the women to go for abortion You don't have any words for them.

My take, you should talk to your fellow men that no matter how small they should always reach out and contribute something to the child/ children life no matter how small because of one of this days.

Micheal56:
Bro calm down
Which one is tradition is tradition
I actually accepted my mom to my dad
I use my mom surname

The defect caused in your life by that ill-advised action is even showing in the quality of your language.

olasaad:
So it is the women you have to blamed here. What happens to all those men rejecting kids/ pregnancy and telling the women to go for abortion You don't have any words for them.

My take, you should talk to your fellow men that no matter how small they should always reach out and contribute something to the child/ children life no matter how small because of one of this days.

What advise do you have for your gender that open their legs very wide and get pregnant outside wedlock? Lets attack the matter from the first principle

Micheal56:
Bro calm down
Which one is tradition is tradition
I actually accepted my mom to my dad
I use my mom surname

If I may ask why u did that?

Amumaigwe:
What advise do you have for your gender that open their legs very wide and get pregnant outside wedlock? Lets attack the matter from the first principle

So after getting pregnant out of wedlock it is now left for the guy to reject the child if the lady can not do abortion. It is only a shameless man that eat where he did not sow.

Amumaigwe:
What advice do you have for your gender that opens their legs very wide and gets pregnant outside wedlock? Let's attack the matter from the first principle

. She won't answer that because as a lady she shouldn't be held accountable for her actions.

olasaad:
So after getting pregnant out of wedlock, it is now left for the guy to reject the child if the lady cannot do an abortion. It is only a shameless man that eats where he did not sow.

. This emotion won't stop what tradition demands. I am well-raised and exposed but I will never allow my wokeness to cloud my judgment as an African man.

MrBrownJay1:
As much as this deadbeat man may be the Biological father of that child since he hasn't raised nor done anything for that child to become the great person she is today (NOR IS HE LEGALLY HER GUARDIAN), the bride price if any should be paid to mother and/or guardian of that child.

...and rightfully say FUKC IT to culture and tradition.

. The bride price is not a form of reward to any father. It is a symbol of African tradition that a man wants to take a wife and as such he has to pledge to take responsibility of that woman. Are they no Elders in your village ?

But the op stated that his girlfriend was raised by her step father along with her mother.

Since the step father is married to his girlfriend's mother, there's no need for the op to keep asking questions about his girlfriend's deadbeat father, as it'll also be disrespectful to the man who raised her, which is her step father.

sirjamesjnr:
I feel compelled to respond to this topic because, in today's environment, we tend to think that anything is possible and act blindly without realising the ramifications of our actions.

This should serve as a lesson to any woman who decides to become a mother but she and the simp guy reject doing what is proper in the eyes of the law, tradition, and nature. Since it is your body, you can sleep with any man, but if you decide to become pregnant, please use common judgement.


I am aware that sometimes a man appears to be fully responsible, but once responsibility sets in, he looks for an easy way out. Please keep in mind that life and nature's forces will never offer you mercy, but you still have to act morally.



Having said that, the biological father of the girl is paid the bride price in the majority of Nigerian cultures. Tradition and nature take that into account, regardless of whether the father is a deadbeat. The only way an adopted father can collect the bride price from the prospective husband is if you adopt a daughter, either through a legal adoption or by marrying a woman who has a female kid from another man and whose father and his family remain unknown anywhere on our planet earth. This African tradition cannot be altered by your feelings, your resentment, your awakening, or modernism.



You can debate for all of time, but tradition is tradition. Brideprice is a custom that must be observed in accordance with tradition. I will counsel everyone engaged to maintain their position, to avoid the negative effects of custom, and to follow what tradition dictated. Nobody wants to be associated with a deadbeat, yet life may be a pain at times. Do the needful.



Let every single girl know the serious repercussions of having a child outside of a committed marriage. Life is dynamic.

Amumaigwe:
The defect caused in your life by that ill-advised action is even showing in the quality of your language.

Bro calm down if u let family hold u down u go just poor my dad family hate me they wanted to kill me they literally rejected me not just 1 but all
My mom and his family were always by my side from childhood not only that they scarified a lot to make me rich
I guess if you are in my shoe you do same just to keep the name because there is no boy among them

Runnerzz:
If I may ask why u did that?

Bro very long story
My dad family plan with my dad they wanted to kill me he later cast say kill them won kill me
My mom always by my side from childhood
My dad family hate me from childhood called me a smoker when I haven't started smoking made gest of me when everything start going well they frame a story that I did ritual
Meanwhile Na my mom family sacrifice a lot just to see I become somebody
They accepted me with love and Na gals dem be no boy among them I just have to keep the name no choice
They try

sirjamesjnr:
It was your decision, but not Nigeria's culture and norm.

Everything started someday
Omo this name of a thing go be choice in future just watch
When a lot of single mom have change the surname of their child
Just Dey play

The problem for you guys with daughters of single mums, used to be the perceived toxicity towards men; but the guy’s mother-in-law to be didn’t raise her daughter that way obviously.

The lady in that story has a man she deems fit to be called a father, yet you guys want to take it away?

For her to see her stepfather fit enough to be in the “father of the bride” stead, he must have done so much for her.
You guys should let him enjoy being a good human…

In the North, na who train pikin dey collect brideprice oh. Even when the groom go the biological father place, him go send the groom to the house wey them train the girl.

ItisWell22:
The problem for you guys with daughters of single mums, used to be the perceived toxicity towards men; but the guy’s mother-in-law-to-be didn’t raise her daughter that way.

The lady in that story has a man she deems fit to be called a father, yet you guys want to take it away?

For her to see her stepfather fit enough to be in the “father of the bride” stead, he must have done so much for her.
You guys should let him enjoy being a good human…

In the North, na who train pikin dey collect brideprice oh. Even when the groom goes to the biological father's place, goes sends the groom to the house wey the trains the girl.

My brideprice is not a reward for good behavior. I may not know about Northern Nigeria but here in the South, the bride price is for bloodline unless there are no traces of it anywhere on planet Earth.

Micheal56:
Bro very long story
My dad family plan with my dad they wanted to kill me he later cast say kill them won kill me
My mom always by my side from childhood
My dad family hate me from childhood called me a smoker when I haven't started smoking made gest of me when everything start going well they frame a story that I did ritual
Meanwhile Na my mom family sacrifice a lot just to see I become somebody
They accepted me with love and Na gals dem be no boy among them I just have to keep the name no choice
They try

This doesn't sound right how/why will ur father want to kill u? How matter take cast? How do u even know ur dad actually wants or wanted u dead? Ur a man and I don't really know the full story but a time will come in ur life u will understand the sacrifices ur dad made for u before everything went south. But this ur story no add up sha.

Micheal56:
Everything started someday
Omo this name of a thing to be a choice in the future just watch
When a lot of single moms have changed the surname of their child
Just Dey play

. Till we all join our ancestors, tradition will always be a tradition.

Micheal56:
Bro very long story
My dad's family plan with my dad they wanted to kill me he later cast say kill them won kill me
My mom has always been by my side since childhood
My dad's family hate me since childhood and called me a smoker when I haven't started smoking and made gest of me when everything starts going well they frame a story that I did the ritual
Meanwhile, Na my mom's family sacrificed a lot just to see I become somebody
They accepted me with love and Na gals dem be no boy among them I just have to keep the name no choice
They try

. Did your mum's family members accept you in the presence of members of the community? Was there any rite performed? If the answers to those two questions are NO please tell your mum's family to do what tradition demand.

Micheal56:
Everything started someday
Omo this name of a thing go be choice in future just watch
When a lot of single mom have change the surname of their child
Just Dey play

The child will loose his true identity and will be like an outcast. U can't have another blood running through ur viens as a man and refuse deliberately to go against it for no real reasons. The lineage dies with that child if the man refuses to have other kids from other women. It's a lot deeper than just a name bro. Ur mom's family have their own names from their ancestry so does ur father. This is a curse on its own. There are natural laws to everything nature

Runnerzz:
This doesn't sound right how/why will ur father want to kill u? How matter take cast? How do u even know ur dad actually wants or wanted u dead? Ur a man and I don't really know the full story but a time will come in ur life u will understand the sacrifices ur dad made for u before everything went south. But this ur story no add up sha.

Exactly wetin I reason. Does he actually remember those experiences or did someone tell him those things from small?
Ex-wifes and baby mamas have an infamous tendency to antagonise the child's father..

Dizzyyish:
Exactly wetin I reason. Does he actually remember those experiences or did someone tell him those things from small?
Ex-wifes and baby mamas have an infamous tendency to antagonised the child's father..

Exactly and it's disheartening because these kids eventually become lost since they've turned their backs on their true identities.

Samantha124:
But the op stated that his girlfriend was raised by her stepfather along with her mother.

Since the stepfather is married to his girlfriend's mother, there's no need for the op to keep asking questions about his girlfriend's deadbeat father, as it'll also be disrespectful to the man who raised her, which is her stepfather.

. Did he adopt the girl formally in the presence of the Elder when he marry his wife? If he did not but went ahead to raise the girl, he has no right to sit when the marriage rite is performed. Plus if the biological father pays the bride price and it was not returned the the biological father and his family are the right group to take the bride price.

sirjamesjnr:
. The bride price is not a form of reward to any father. It is a symbol of African tradition that a man wants to take a wife and as such he has to pledge to take responsibility of that woman. Are they no Elders in your village ?

the elders in my village would reward the man/guardian who raised that child, and certainly not the bastard human being who fathered her and ran away from his responsibilities. such bastard low life father wouldnt be accepted back in the village, let alone at that wedding!

spencekat:
My concern is that most times these women who gave birth outside wedlock brainwash their children to see their biological fathers as deadbeats.

Actually this goes both ways

Wait, in Nigeria you guys return the bride price?

sirjamesjnr:
. Did he adopt the girl formally in the presence of the Elder when he marry his wife? If he did not but went ahead to raise the girl, he has no right to sit when the marriage rite is performed. Plus if the biological father pays the bride price and it was not returned the the biological father and his family are the right group to take the bride price.