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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? (27826 Views)
Mother Wants Her Daughter To Quit Marriage Because Of This / Man Leaves His Marriage Because His Wife Beats & Abuses Him / I Am Ending My Marriage Because Of These (see Reasons And Give Advise) (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by Mimicle101: 10:24pm On Jun 06, 2023 |
realtalk19: Oky. I will wait till I hear the man side of the story. But untill then. If you never experienced these type of crisis. I don't expect you to understand Good night. |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by President2001(m): 10:32pm On Jun 06, 2023 |
Jovialjune1:I really pity her but her best is not enough to cheat everything in this life is temporary |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by realtalk19: 10:43pm On Jun 06, 2023 |
Mimicle101: I guess you didn't read my initial response on the thread before replying. I have been through it that's why I am able to relate. Continue waiting for the man's response. sweet dreams. |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by isabi2lof: 10:56pm On Jun 06, 2023 |
Sufferness no dey tire you , so dem fit tell you make you no follow another man but if na the man bring complain come here , dem go dey advise the man to get side chick or even marry another woman. So why dem no fit advise the man , make him marry another woman for him poverty state , na first wife sabi suffer all kinds of shege but 2nd wife or side chicks na for enjoyment. đ Abeg no suffer with any bloody being , if e don sweet for dem , dem go dump you and go for old cargo . Ungrateful beings everywhere. Nigerians and hyprocrisy are just like two conjoined twins. If you wan keep yourself, keep yourself because you wan keep yourself not for any man . 2 Likes |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by isabi2lof: 11:05pm On Jun 06, 2023 |
kingthreat:. So cheating dey pain men like this , all of una just dey shout , don't cheat, like say the woman na baby but if na man , you go advise the man make him cheat. If na woman loose her job , she go dey struggle dey do all kinds of menial jobs , even if na factory work. Him he dey there dey find collar job ,dey claim I be graduate . |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by bigiyaro(m): 11:31pm On Jun 06, 2023 |
Except you are going back to your father's house, any other thing is just free yourself to fvck around and use the money to feed your kids cos anything you want to do, you can do in your husband's house except fvcking around. |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by UjuJoan2: 11:48pm On Jun 06, 2023 |
Giftedhands45: This is why I always say NEVER marry a poor man!! The truth is, if you are not financially strong yourself you have no business marrying a poor man all in the name of âloveâ. And worst of all you are bringing children into the mix to suffer. Now you want to leave your marriage to look for âloveâ. When will you learn? In my opinion you already made the mistake, so itâs either you stay in the marriage just to claim âMrsâ, or you leave and make a life for yourself and your kids. Donât ever think that getting involved with another man is the solution because it is not. Most of all, get a good family planning. Two kids is more than enough!!!! 2 Likes |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by nikkygal(f): 12:01am On Jun 07, 2023 |
Airdrophunter: Baba no vex...lol! The thing with men is that you guys are very difficult and controlling when you're broke. You become overtly sensitive to everything the woman does at home and your need for 'more respect' is through the roof. Any simple discussion becomes a fight because you feel the woman is disrespecting due to your financial situation. It's frustrating! The implication of this overtly sensitive & controlling attitude is that, the woman feels unappreciated for all her efforts in picking up the slack on the home finances. She's unable to express herself because the tension at home is high, while she's also under pressure to manage the home and spend all her money to pay rent, school fees, feeding, utilities etc. So as time goes on, the resentment builds up because the average Naija man would still use ego and coconut head to make the home unbearable even when he's not contributing zilch. How long can a woman cope in that type of environment? At least if a man is not dropping money, make the home peaceful and conducive. Bes supportive and appreciative of your wife's efforts in closing the gaps for you. I'm sure if I ask your wife now, she will have a different version of what actually happened. I pray you find space in your heart to forgive her and reconcile especially for the sake of your children. I'm sure you have both learned your lessons and will come back stronger if you remain committed to work on it. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by kkins25(m): 12:04am On Jun 07, 2023 |
Kobojunkie:How can the terribly sick save themselves? |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by lomaxx: 12:48am On Jun 07, 2023 |
Kobojunkie: I think most of these issues are socially-derived. People need to delay onset of childbirth for the purpose of confirming partner-fit. Know it sounds crazy but it's better to walk out knowing no child is collateral damage than ignore the fact that the child (or children) is (or are) an inevitable collateral damage to the poor decision-making capacity of non-thinking adults. |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by lomaxx: 12:50am On Jun 07, 2023 |
alfredfrddy: If you believe this, I have a bridge to sell you |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by lomaxx: 1:01am On Jun 07, 2023 |
njelrapheal: So i have read through with lots of comments here from.women empowering women. I dont support the man though but i can bet that "my husband is just 2 years older" says a thousand more. Also the question of her finding someone who loves her..says more . Either she already has one or someone is wispering something in the left ear. @Op. I dont know if you love that man though. But u dont know him well enuf. What takes his money. Why is he docile.. i mean so many questions She neither loves nor respects him. Which is justifiable given her version of events. She's mentally out of the marriage. The marriage is done. |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by Kobojunkie: 1:13am On Jun 07, 2023 |
kkins25:So, a terribly sick adult does not know what hospitals and doctors are there for? |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by Kobojunkie: 1:15am On Jun 07, 2023 |
Mimicle101:Again, your story does not in any way compare to OP's who has had to endure her fate for several years at the hands of said husband. Make we no dey try to force everyone into our own shoes but instead try to walk that necessary mile in their own shoes in order to understand where they are in fact coming from. |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by Kobojunkie: 1:16am On Jun 07, 2023 |
njelrapheal:This isn't about what rocks my boat but reality as it should be processed. You don't say because a man is depressed it is reason enough for him to neglect the family and children he took on responsibility of. It is not a reasonable or viable excuse at all. |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by ZIMDRILL(m): 1:21am On Jun 07, 2023 |
Mimicle101: You say woman nowadays are not able too carry the pressure of family responsibility Have you asked yourself who made them to be that way ? Men we are the ones who chance charm them by spoiling them during dating and in marriage she asked to stop working because you want to look more responsible etc So now we see them as spoiled little brats but the question is who spoiled them . |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by Kobojunkie: 1:26am On Jun 07, 2023 |
Mimicle101:You don't even see that you are all over the place with your assertions regarding OP at this point. You admit that she is very hurt, feels used, and has completely lost love and respect for her husband at this point. The man allowed the relationship to deteriorate to the point that it exists today. Yet your suggestion is that, without the circumstances changing in any way or form, OP should cause her heart to change so she can begin again loving the same man and conditions she has come to detest after so many years. Let's turn around and say your wife was the one who abandoned her marriage mentally and physically for many years, allowing you to carry all the load alone as Mr. married man and father. You go to work, you pay bills, you go to market, you cook, you even do chores for the house and even had to bring your mother over to care for your kids while you are at work. If after many years of enduring this, you come to the realization that this woman you call wife no even dey change at all â your children don grow to realize that as wellâ would you do the same thing you are advising OP to do in red? 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by Kobojunkie: 1:28am On Jun 07, 2023 |
unbiased2021:Well, if she called you unwise in regards to that tale you told of your ex, I would agree with her given that story no suppose see daylight at all as far as an educated man is concerned. How can you go carry "liability" woman come dey complain say she no do wetin you want make she do... |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by ChuksHills(m): 1:46am On Jun 07, 2023 |
Kobojunkie: Quitting her marriage is not the right thing. You guys self any little issues in marriage you guys will rush and tell the person to quit. Her case is a simple case, she needs somebody that will talk sense into her husband. She should look for the person her husband respects so much and narrate everything to him in order for the person to talk to her husband, with that the man will change. There's something I noticed about the lady, she finds it hard to speak up in her marriage, she should learn to align the wrong doings of her husband to him when necessary and stop being soft. No be one person alone dey love for marriage, the love should be mutual. A man refused to take up his responsibilities starting from relationship to marriage she kept quiet didn't complain. It's very wrong does she want to kill herself. |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by Honestfrend: 1:51am On Jun 07, 2023 |
Giftedhands45: When u wear putting on a white garment shouting I do in front of your friends, parents and pastor u didn't add condition.. Say as "long as he has a job and he takes care of the family, I do" They say in sickness n in health, for richer for poorer.. You open ur wide mouth say I do.. The courtship u both did is 0.. The love you say u have for him is 0.. If this same man all of a sudden gets a job paying 250k per month that ur nonsense love for him will reappear from heaven.. I think u marry him because age is not on ur side.. Because the both of u have nothing common from ur definition of him. 1 Like |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by Kobojunkie: 2:25am On Jun 07, 2023 |
lomaxx:Nigerian culture generally frowns on the application of commonsense solutions to problems and issues relating to marriage. So? |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by Kobojunkie: 2:46am On Jun 07, 2023 |
ChuksHills:1. So, until she finds this mystery person to magically talk sense into her husband, she should continue living married to herself and dragging a deadbeat-seeming husband along with her? 2. How exactly did you notice this about the OP when you have never in fact met her or sat an hour in her life? So, she needs to first speak up before a husband comes to understand that his role is as a partner in the marriage and not as a loafer. Unu dikwa imminimious! |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by djon78(m): 3:02am On Jun 07, 2023 |
hairyman: I love your reply Many women think Nigerian men are lazy. But that's a very big lie. Nigeria ain't a normal country, so many men are battling with same thing: economic hardship It's not easy for a man in this country But women should also remember that a man down today can within a click turn around economically And most men don't forget the way you treated them when they were down Which most times ends in divorce So women should bear this in mind I have seen the scenario you painted out playing out in a lot of marriages Presently trying to settle one like that But most times, the men don't forget the bitter treatment they had and they never get back together. This your reply is very factual and filled with wisdom |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by descarado: 3:16am On Jun 07, 2023 |
Acidosis:If the man fall sick, he should take medication and continue until his body get used to it. The first time I stood on a luxury bus from 9th mile to kano, I nearly died. My legs stole up like one who had elephantiasis. Did I stop? Nope. I continued standing until I can afford buying a seat in Enugu without thinking twice. You wanna lose weight and hit the gym, you will fall sick but as you continue you may end up being gym instructor so throw that argument away. I lived in Abuja when buhari took over and things started going south. So many construction workers were laid off. Other jobs were affected too. Men will rather circle and discuss politics and football than do menial jobs. Most of these homes were on their wives head and nobody knew. Some wives will give the men all the salary to hide their shame and answer good woman. Don't let me start. I paid school fees of 2 families children cos I love the wives. Left for the husbands, wetin concern me. Funny enough one got work last two yrs in his state and still expect me to continue sending money. The last money I send to the wife to start business, she gave the whole thing to this man. I mean, this man is a free loader that messed her up a lot psychologically and she still enables him when I thought she must have learnt her lesson. And after six month when I asked, she was telling me nonsense. I resemble father Christmas ni? 1 Like |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by Kobojunkie: 3:23am On Jun 07, 2023 |
Honestfrend:1. Somethings are meant to be commonsense for adults and not meant to be spelled out. 2. Loafing around as OP says her husband does is not the same as being poor. You insult the many hardworking poor folks out there by assuming it is so. 3. Love has always been a conditional factor between humans â that is marriage is an agreement, a conditional contract between both parties. |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by Gerrard59(m): 3:58am On Jun 07, 2023 |
seanwilliam: So, what should she do? Stick with a never-do-well man? I don't get it. If OP has a comfortable family, she should return to them. I cannot allow my sister to be in such a condition. She is moving back to the family house. I detest irresponsible people. |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by kkins25(m): 4:10am On Jun 07, 2023 |
Kobojunkie:Like you dont know it cost almost minimum wage to get a session of therapy in the country. Some costs even way more. The average man CANNOT spend his monthly salary for therapy. |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by Gerrard59(m): 4:12am On Jun 07, 2023 |
qtguru: To be fair, competition has gotten stiffer for most men as resources got scarcer and women folks entered the workforce. Most men can't keep up. The solution for such men is to postpone or forgo marriage and childbearing and focus on their self-development. Find hobbies to keep oneself busy. 1 Like |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by Kobojunkie: 4:13am On Jun 07, 2023 |
kkins25:So it costs almost minimum wage to get a session of therapy in the country and so reason why a depressed man would not wish to get treatment but the very same man would not hesitate to get married and have two children on top of that? Marriage and children cost a lot less abi? |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by fyzaila: 4:42am On Jun 07, 2023 |
realtalk19: Thank you! |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by seanwilliam(m): 5:14am On Jun 07, 2023 |
Gerrard59:I support the bolded. But divorce? Ha, provided thereâs no domestic violence and the man is not a womanizer, she should devise other means to tackle the situation. Iâm telling you bro, single mothers are not finding it easy , infact , the stereotype is too much and believe me , sheâll regret 97% chances ( this is not dem say dem say ). Taking such risk doesnât worth it especially since children are involved, and if God one punish her make her kids be girls . She is a dumbas marrying him in the first place when she knew heâs irresponsible. This is Nigeria not yankee, sheâll turn a menace in the society if she becomes single mother |
Re: Leaving A Marriage Because He's Not Taking Responsibilities, Make Me Bad? by nikkygal(f): 5:19am On Jun 07, 2023 |
djon78: You make very valid points however, how are these men also treating their wives during this their 'broke'/wilderness season? A lot of them become very controlling, over sensitive and always ready for a fight over nothing. They can hardly create a peaceful atmosphere at home and would always pick up fights with their wives because they feel they're being disrespected over small inconsequential stuff. A man's ego is very fragile during this period, and unfortunately the average woman is already over stressed taking care of the home and now pressured to take care of the finances too. Most of the men belittle their wife's efforts during this phase, and she feels unappreciated and overworked which makes tempers flare and causes friction in the home. Men should also be more appreciative and manage their egos during this time. They should communicate more and make the home peaceful and conducive for their wives. At least even if you're unable to provide, support her and make her feel appreciated and valued. Women are not wired to be the providers especially for long periods of time. Men are mostly not willing to step in to do more on the domestic front during this time as they feel they're being disrespected because of their financial situation. So it's a tight rope to walk and it should be managed delicately with understanding from both parties. |
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