Giftedhands45:
I have to join this forum to post this tonight.

I'm in my early thirties, my husband is just two years older than me. My husband has always been neglecting his responsibilities even before we got married, but I was seeing it as he doesn't have a better job and a struggling guy whom we can both join hands together to build each other. I endured everything with him. I have always supported and provided without complain.
Since last year my husband lost his job, since then, he has refused to look for any other source of income. Even when he had a job, he always have one story or the other to tell about his monthly salaries. So, he still doesn't provide.
Once, there's nothing in the house, he will keep watching because I can't watch my two children Starve. I will try everything, even call friends, families and borrow. He doesn't care how I borrowed and how I paid.


Now, he wakes up every morning and still go back to sleep. Whatever I asked him, he don't always have. He's response always is ''I don't have money ''
I am the only one sourcing out everything in this house, I don't have a job as well, just struggling up and down with a business I do.

There's no food, school fees, bill, everything, he will ignore. I can't watch my children suffer. So, I keep struggling without any help. But he eats food and uses everything in the house with us. He wouldn't provide, but he can use them once they're available.
Our house rent will soon expire and he has no plan towards That. The previous one I paid, but presently, my business is down

Lately, I've been thinking. I've never cheated since I entered this marriage, but If I keep struggling all myself like this, my children will suffer. I feel, I need someone who loves me and willing to support me as well.
My children are too used to their father, it borders me if I separate them from him.

Leaving a marriage because he's not taking responsibilities, does that make me a bad woman?

What could make a man to be very comfortable not providing for his family but wouldn't want to loss the said family?

Have you ever been in my shoes, what would you advise me?

Giftedhands45:


presently, my business is down

Lately, I've been thinking. I've never cheated since

Have you ever been in my shoes, what would you advise me?

Giftedhands45:
@all thanks for your advice and suggestions.
I have reported to his mum and siblings severally and they're not happy about his behavior, but he refuses to change.

The advice on moving to my parents house once the house rent expires is exactly what I will do.

For those saying I bring forth children to suffer them. No, My children are not suffering. I tried to give them the best in my own power. I'm the only one suffering because I'm doing it all alone.
And sure, no more intimacy here anymore. He can't provide, he can't touch me either

seanwilliam:
I support the bolded. But divorce? Ha, provided there’s no domestic violence and the man is not a womanizer, she should devise other means to tackle the situation.
I’m telling you bro, single mothers are not finding it easy , infact , the stereotype is too much and believe me , she’ll regret 97% chances ( this is not dem say dem say ). Taking such risk doesn’t worth it especially since children are involved, and if God one punish her make her kids be girls .


She is a dumbas marrying him in the first place when she knew he’s irresponsible. This is Nigeria not yankee, she’ll turn a menace in the society if she becomes single mother

Giftedhands45:
I have to join this forum to post this tonight.

I'm in my early thirties, my husband is just two years older than me. My husband has always been neglecting his responsibilities even before we got married, but I was seeing it as he doesn't have a better job and a struggling guy whom we can both join hands together to build each other. I endured everything with him. I have always supported and provided without complain.
Since last year my husband lost his job, since then, he has refused to look for any other source of income. Even when he had a job, he always have one story or the other to tell about his monthly salaries. So, he still doesn't provide.
Once, there's nothing in the house, he will keep watching because I can't watch my two children Starve. I will try everything, even call friends, families and borrow. He doesn't care how I borrowed and how I paid.


Now, he wakes up every morning and still go back to sleep. Whatever I asked him, he don't always have. He's response always is ''I don't have money ''
I am the only one sourcing out everything in this house, I don't have a job as well, just struggling up and down with a business I do.

There's no food, school fees, bill, everything, he will ignore. I can't watch my children suffer. So, I keep struggling without any help. But he eats food and uses everything in the house with us. He wouldn't provide, but he can use them once they're available.
Our house rent will soon expire and he has no plan towards That. The previous one I paid, but presently, my business is down

Lately, I've been thinking. I've never cheated since I entered this marriage, but If I keep struggling all myself like this, my children will suffer. I feel, I need someone who loves me and willing to support me as well.
My children are too used to their father, it borders me if I separate them from him.

Leaving a marriage because he's not taking responsibilities, does that make me a bad woman?

What could make a man to be very comfortable not providing for his family but wouldn't want to loss the said family?

Have you ever been in my shoes, what would you advise me?

Kobojunkie:
So, his wife, ontop of taking care of bills and children also goes out to hunt for jobs on his behalf?

Kobojunkie:
So it costs almost minimum wage to get a session of therapy in the country and so reason why a depressed man would not wish to get treatment but the very same man would not hesitate to get married and have two children on top of that? Marriage and children cost a lot less, abi?

Kobojunkie:
This isn't about what rocks my boat but reality as it should be processed. You don't say because a man is depressed it is reason enough for him to neglect the family and children he took on responsibility of. It is not a reasonable or viable excuse at all.

lomaxx:
[b]

She neither loves nor respects him. Which is justifiable given her version of events.

She's mentally out of the marriage. The marriage is done.

isabi2lof:
. So cheating dey pain men like this , all of una just dey shout , don't cheat, like say the woman na baby but if na man , you go advise the man make him cheat.

If na woman loose her job , she go dey struggle dey do all kinds of menial jobs , even if na factory work. Him he dey there dey find collar job ,dey claim I be graduate .

lomaxx:
[b]■ She neither loves nor respects him. Which is justifiable given her version of events.

She's mentally out of the marriage. The marriage is done.

njelrapheal:
■ Word. I dont think women are capable of love though. Love to them means somone willing to take care of them. I dont fault that though as that is the natural setting for humans.

Giftedhands45:
I have to join this forum to post this tonight.

I'm in my early thirties, my husband is just two years older than me. My husband has always been neglecting his responsibilities even before we got married, but I was seeing it as he doesn't have a better job and a struggling guy whom we can both join hands together to build each other. I endured everything with him. I have always supported and provided without complain.
Since last year my husband lost his job, since then, he has refused to look for any other source of income. Even when he had a job, he always have one story or the other to tell about his monthly salaries. So, he still doesn't provide.
Once, there's nothing in the house, he will keep watching because I can't watch my two children Starve. I will try everything, even call friends, families and borrow. He doesn't care how I borrowed and how I paid.


Now, he wakes up every morning and still go back to sleep. Whatever I asked him, he don't always have. He's response always is ''I don't have money ''
I am the only one sourcing out everything in this house, I don't have a job as well, just struggling up and down with a business I do.

There's no food, school fees, bill, everything, he will ignore. I can't watch my children suffer. So, I keep struggling without any help. But he eats food and uses everything in the house with us. He wouldn't provide, but he can use them once they're available.
Our house rent will soon expire and he has no plan towards That. The previous one I paid, but presently, my business is down

Lately, I've been thinking. I've never cheated since I entered this marriage, but If I keep struggling all myself like this, my children will suffer. I feel, I need someone who loves me and willing to support me as well.
My children are too used to their father, it borders me if I separate them from him.

Leaving a marriage because he's not taking responsibilities, does that make me a bad woman?

What could make a man to be very comfortable not providing for his family but wouldn't want to loss the said family?

Have you ever been in my shoes, what would you advise me?



I think the issue is, was the man supportive when he had job and what are his plans to get a new job or start a business or perhaps learn a skill and be engaged. Also be sure he his not battling any health issues, his circle of friends should be check too, their influence in his life could also affect him negatively.

You as a woman can never shoulder the responsibility alone, the role of a man/father in every matrimonial home cannot be overemphasized. you have started what you cannot cope with, forever is a long time to go.

Correct it now and take your stand by insisting he go get something legitimate doing and be consistent in it, las las hustle go pay everyone, at all at all na e bad.

Don't pack out, rule out divorce from your marriage for the sake of your children and avoid the social sigma of a divorcee, pray hard, God will intervene.

njelrapheal:
■ Who says it is. But you dont know ehat this issue really is. U are only assuming based on ehat u have been told. That is my point. I knoenu like to be right though hence the response of what ever rocks ur boat

kkins25:
■ You're asking why did the prisoner chose the bread over the key?

Tompson88:
■ Not that kind job hunting, connection of a thing if possible

Kobojunkie:
Well, if she called you unwise in regards to that tale you told of your ex, I would agree with her given that story no suppose see daylight at all as far as an educated man is concerned. How can you go carry "liability" woman come dey complain say she no do wetin you want make she do...

Kobojunkie:
Woman never get connection to fix her own financial status, na to fix the man status ---without guarantee she will even see a penny if things pan out----she go dey run about for?

Tompson88:
■ My take is, she should not make a quick conclusion on that,the husband might be going through a lot having no job,the woman should trash out the current situation in the best possible way,then watch what comes out of the expected change status of the husband whenever he gets job before she decides.

Kobojunkie:
... Do you even realize whst love is? It's not those chemicals in your brain that force you into a deluded state. Rather love is a set of rules that make up the agreement by which your relationships are bound by. Once thozs rules are violated, the one who caused the violation is the one said to have no love in the relationship.

In OP'S cases, her husband is the one who would seem incapable of love herr going by his reusable from the beginning to abide by the rules of engagement here. His wife is simply responding after many years of carrying the relationship on her head alone. Make una dey try reason these things well abeg!

njelrapheal:


Word. I dont think women are capable of love though. Love to them means somone willing to take care of them. I dont fault that though as that is the natural setting for humans.

Kobojunkie:
... Do you even realize what love is? Not those chemicals in your brain force you into a deluded state when you fancy someone. Rather love is a set of rules — terms, and conditions— that make up the agreement that binds you and your partner in your relationship.(Yes, Love is a contract.) Once those rules are violated, the one who caused the violation is said to have no love in the relationship.

In OP'S case, her husband is the one who would be incapable of love here going by his refusal, from the beginning to abide, by the terms and conditions of the relationship, the rules of engagement. His wife is simply responding after many years of carrying the relationship on her head alone. Make una dey try to reason these things well abeg!

kokomilala:
@realtalk19, I don't know what you mean by I sound damaged. People just bang on words irresponsibly. Did u mean that I'm damaged spiritually, soul-wise, physically or emotionally? Well, I don't fall into any of these. And, I can't be bracketed into any either.

I deliberately didn't mention the op's husband, because it's a sacred union, and offering advice on a whim could worsen the situation. So, for me, it calls for patience and deep reflection from the woman, the man and the relatives in resolving the issue.

My response- which still stands- is that of spouses who are not married. Again, I posit that it's a cultural malaise and cancer that has eaten deep into the souls of our society. Its carcinogens can be seen in society today, where even teenage girls- who have unwittingly traded their destinies for 'a pot of porridge'- go about, as if entitled, making impossible demands of their so called boyfriends and assistant boyfriends etc, etc; a girlfriend from a wretched family makes demands she can't make of her father. She expects the bf to be both father and lover at the same time.

I've not seen anywhere in the world or in any culture where women pin all their trans generational burdens on men. They make relationships look like business proposals; they make relationships that should be enjoyed become bothersome, cumbersome, with every other somes in between.

Talking about husbands and wives, it's the man's responsibility to provide for the family financially and otherwise. However, God has not asked women to be useless or lazy or be overly dependent. Kudos to those women out there working their socks off for their families to eat. My heart goes out to those women under the bridge at Idumota, Orile, Boundary, Ojuelegba, etc, selling wosi- wosi, hustling from sun up to sun down. It is these women that I like to help. It's these women I can recommend for help or reward, not those irresponsible, high- maintenance, entitled liabilities, called women.

Proverbs 31 talks about the virtuous woman. But many women fail to read from 11 to 27.

Lanre1st:
This is a serious issues threatening many families.

Have you ever study, ask or observe the reason for him refusing to work. At least you must have his attitude to work before and after marriage. You need to discuss it even if it needs a counsellor to intervain.

Also, thinking of seeing another man who can support is not an option it will only complicate the issue. Instead, start seeing yourself as a man who has responsibilities to do and family to support.

Lastly, don't quickly take divorce as option, the responsibility doesn't disappear with divorce, it only increases it, atleast your children can stay with their dady while you go about with you business. Staying alone brings loneliness and depression

realtalk19:



What does staying with the husband that refused to get a job brings?

Joy and happiness I guess

Giftedhands45:
I have to join this forum to post this tonight.

I'm in my early thirties, my husband is just two years older than me. My husband has always been neglecting his responsibilities even before we got married, but I was seeing it as he doesn't have a better job and a struggling guy whom we can both join hands together to build each other. I endured everything with him. I have always supported and provided without complain.
Since last year my husband lost his job, since then, he has refused to look for any other source of income. Even when he had a job, he always have one story or the other to tell about his monthly salaries. So, he still doesn't provide.
Once, there's nothing in the house, he will keep watching because I can't watch my two children Starve. I will try everything, even call friends, families and borrow. He doesn't care how I borrowed and how I paid.


Now, he wakes up every morning and still go back to sleep. Whatever I asked him, he don't always have. He's response always is ''I don't have money ''
I am the only one sourcing out everything in this house, I don't have a job as well, just struggling up and down with a business I do.

There's no food, school fees, bill, everything, he will ignore. I can't watch my children suffer. So, I keep struggling without any help. But he eats food and uses everything in the house with us. He wouldn't provide, but he can use them once they're available.
Our house rent will soon expire and he has no plan towards That. The previous one I paid, but presently, my business is down

Lately, I've been thinking. I've never cheated since I entered this marriage, but If I keep struggling all myself like this, my children will suffer. I feel, I need someone who loves me and willing to support me as well.
My children are too used to their father, it borders me if I separate them from him.

Leaving a marriage because he's not taking responsibilities, does that make me a bad woman?

What could make a man to be very comfortable not providing for his family but wouldn't want to loss the said family?

Have you ever been in my shoes, what would you advise me?