₦airaland Forum

DamianDd:
What pissed me off asides from things he said was the fact that he was putting himself down and the family down with his words all because of what other people will think. God! I hate it so much because he's been doing that for years always comparing us to other people, wanting us to behave in a way that won't upset people, to be seen as perfect and likable by everybody and when I realized this fact I start working on myself till this day, i still get that feeling of timidity but I always push through because really who gives a Bleep what people think of me that's why I was so timid when younger that I hated myself. Coming home late was wrong and I told him that yes it's true but those things he was saying is where we had the issue.

Jovialjune1:
Your dad is a patient and nice man, and the reason why you had the guts to confront him is because you paid rent, at his downtown you insulted him with that, how wrong of you

Growing up, my only brother never said the trash you said to your dad, he never came back home late at night, he never brought ladies to the house or to sleep overnight, watching movies overnight was never allowed, and so much more, these principles stayed with the six of us till adulthood, it is not hard for you to retrace your steps, apologise to your dad and do the right thing, you don't have be out late to have fun.

DamianDd:
What pissed me off asides from things he said was the fact that he was putting himself down and the family down with his words all because of what other people will think. God! I hate it so much because he's been doing that for years always comparing us to other people, wanting us to behave in a way that won't upset people, to be seen as perfect and likable by everybody and when I realized this fact I start working on myself till this day, i still get that feeling of timidity but I always push through because really who gives a Bleep what people think of me that's why I was so timid when younger that I hated myself. Coming home late was wrong and I told him that yes it's true but those things he was saying is where we had the issue.

DonEd:
Pride...

Just because u paid the rent for one year, u have become equal with ur dad who has housed, clothed, and fed u for over 18 years.

The discipline we received from our parents is the principal factor why we are not on the streets as thugs and miscreants.

Time will come when u will value the discipline that's if you will get off that high horse in ur head.

Kids

DamianDd:
My dad is a really good guy, I love him so much and he's gentle most times. Though he gets angry sometimes but he's reasonable about everything he does.

I came home 11:30 which is very late and I knew that and I even hated it too that I came home this late so I was trying to avoid him even when he asked to come to his room because I had a gut feeling that things won't gi right.

But I ended up going to get my charger that was with him, then for the first 5 minutes in he was making sense about why I came home late and I was agreeing to it that it's true

Then all of a sudden he starts saying "what will people think?" "Neighbors are watching" "they'll start saying god forbid, like father like son" "I nor fit let my pikin be like this boy" "which kind family be this, see when their son dey come house?" "People are watching, people are judging" and even more words and it started getting annoying to me, then he said they will say "see when this small pikin dey come house"

It was at that moment that I shut it down, I've never been that way to him but it was so infuriating, I told him I'm not a child I'm 18 which is legal age, I work for my money, I make 50k to 300k a month on my own; no neighbors give me food when I'm hungry, the landlord doesn't clean my eyes when they hurt from viewing my phone too much so I don't give a Bleep what they think of me. I told him to not put all those orientations in my head because it affected me alot when I was younger and it made me timid and shy and scared of being myself or having different opinions and that's what I'm trying to fix in myself and my mindset now.

What I do feel bad about is last year I paid for the house rent and packing when I had alot of money, I brought it up when I was talking to him and said "I paid for this house with my own money so who is landlord or the neighbors for me to be sacred to come in and out of my own home, I know what I did is wrong and I'm sorry but don't put those bad thoughts in my head" I shouldn't have said that though by bringing up what I did for family. He only called me back and said "don't worry I won't talk to you anymore until I use my own money to pay for the house next time" I didn't say anything because i know I was wrong and nothing good would come out of talking back, I just left his room.



What's your thoughts on the matter?

DamianDd:
My dad is a really good guy, I love him so much and he's gentle most times. Though he gets angry sometimes but he's reasonable about everything he does.

I came home 11:30 which is very late and I knew that and I even hated it too that I came home this late so I was trying to avoid him even when he asked to come to his room because I had a gut feeling that things won't gi right.

But I ended up going to get my charger that was with him, then for the first 5 minutes in he was making sense about why I came home late and I was agreeing to it that it's true

Then all of a sudden he starts saying "what will people think?" "Neighbors are watching" "they'll start saying god forbid, like father like son" "I nor fit let my pikin be like this boy" "which kind family be this, see when their son dey come house?" "People are watching, people are judging" and even more words and it started getting annoying to me, then he said they will say "see when this small pikin dey come house"

It was at that moment that I shut it down, I've never been that way to him but it was so infuriating, I told him I'm not a child I'm 18 which is legal age, I work for my money, I make 50k to 300k a month on my own; no neighbors give me food when I'm hungry, the landlord doesn't clean my eyes when they hurt from viewing my phone too much so I don't give a Bleep what they think of me. I told him to not put all those orientations in my head because it affected me alot when I was younger and it made me timid and shy and scared of being myself or having different opinions and that's what I'm trying to fix in myself and my mindset now.

What I do feel bad about is last year I paid for the house rent and packing when I had alot of money, I brought it up when I was talking to him and said "I paid for this house with my own money so who is landlord or the neighbors for me to be sacred to come in and out of my own home, I know what I did is wrong and I'm sorry but don't put those bad thoughts in my head" I shouldn't have said that though by bringing up what I did for family. He only called me back and said "don't worry I won't talk to you anymore until I use my own money to pay for the house next time" I didn't say anything because i know I was wrong and nothing good would come out of talking back, I just left his room.



What's your thoughts on the matter?

DamianDd:
My dad is a really good guy, I love him so much and he's gentle most times. Though he gets angry sometimes but he's reasonable about everything he does.

I came home 11:30 which is very late and I knew that and I even hated it too that I came home this late so I was trying to avoid him even when he asked to come to his room because I had a gut feeling that things won't gi right.

But I ended up going to get my charger that was with him, then for the first 5 minutes in he was making sense about why I came home late and I was agreeing to it that it's true

Then all of a sudden he starts saying "what will people think?" "Neighbors are watching" "they'll start saying god forbid, like father like son" "I nor fit let my pikin be like this boy" "which kind family be this, see when their son dey come house?" "People are watching, people are judging" and even more words and it started getting annoying to me, then he said they will say "see when this small pikin dey come house"

It was at that moment that I shut it down, I've never been that way to him but it was so infuriating, I told him I'm not a child I'm 18 which is legal age, I work for my money, I make 50k to 300k a month on my own; no neighbors give me food when I'm hungry, the landlord doesn't clean my eyes when they hurt from viewing my phone too much so I don't give a Bleep what they think of me. I told him to not put all those orientations in my head because it affected me alot when I was younger and it made me timid and shy and scared of being myself or having different opinions and that's what I'm trying to fix in myself and my mindset now.

What I do feel bad about is last year I paid for the house rent and packing when I had alot of money, I brought it up when I was talking to him and said "I paid for this house with my own money so who is landlord or the neighbors for me to be sacred to come in and out of my own home, I know what I did is wrong and I'm sorry but don't put those bad thoughts in my head" I shouldn't have said that though by bringing up what I did for family. He only called me back and said "don't worry I won't talk to you anymore until I use my own money to pay for the house next time" I didn't say anything because i know I was wrong and nothing good would come out of talking back, I just left his room.



What's your thoughts on the matter?

are yu gay? how can u love yor father? wot kinda Gay nonsence talk is this again?

bro are u ok in the head sir? (no ofeince)

DamianDd:
My dad is a really good guy, I love him so much and he's gentle most times. Though he gets angry sometimes but he's reasonable about everything he does.

I came home 11:30 which is very late and I knew that and I even hated it too that I came home this late so I was trying to avoid him even when he asked to come to his room because I had a gut feeling that things won't gi right.

But I ended up going to get my charger that was with him, then for the first 5 minutes in he was making sense about why I came home late and I was agreeing to it that it's true

Then all of a sudden he starts saying "what will people think?" "Neighbors are watching" "they'll start saying god forbid, like father like son" "I nor fit let my pikin be like this boy" "which kind family be this, see when their son dey come house?" "People are watching, people are judging" and even more words and it started getting annoying to me, then he said they will say "see when this small pikin dey come house"

It was at that moment that I shut it down, I've never been that way to him but it was so infuriating, I told him I'm not a child I'm 18 which is legal age, I work for my money, I make 50k to 300k a month on my own; no neighbors give me food when I'm hungry, the landlord doesn't clean my eyes when they hurt from viewing my phone too much so I don't give a Bleep what they think of me. I told him to not put all those orientations in my head because it affected me alot when I was younger and it made me timid and shy and scared of being myself or having different opinions and that's what I'm trying to fix in myself and my mindset now.

What I do feel bad about is last year I paid for the house rent and packing when I had alot of money, I brought it up when I was talking to him and said "I paid for this house with my own money so who is landlord or the neighbors for me to be sacred to come in and out of my own home, I know what I did is wrong and I'm sorry but don't put those bad thoughts in my head" I shouldn't have said that though by bringing up what I did for family. He only called me back and said "don't worry I won't talk to you anymore until I use my own money to pay for the house next time" I didn't say anything because i know I was wrong and nothing good would come out of talking back, I just left his room.



What's your thoughts on the matter?

kernniejay:
Dont forget Karma

CLATHRIN:
To everyone reading this, don't get married and bear kids if you are not ready to be rational, logical and open minded about the truth. Be ready to kill your ego in order to learn. I was so blind and shortsighted in the past but of course, I grew to learn a lot. I was the type that would condemn a man or woman for getting home by 10pm and above, I would usually ask, what is he or she doing outside by that time of the night? Oh he/she must be cheating or doing something unscrupulous I would always conclude.

Bros, let me tell you, like Paul would say, I want to speak from a logical perspective not necessarily from a spiritual standpoint. This doesn't mean that my opinion is wrong either. I work in a company where we run shifts. I sometimes leave home as early as 4:30am when I am on morning shift and get back home as late(in fact, early if I am able to get taxi's quick enough) as 11:00pm or beyond when I am on noon shift. I never considered this in the past but if you are as blindsided as I was in the past, please make sure you provide jobs for your kids so they wouldn't have to work odd jobs and come home at such late hours.

Many people have destroyed the doggedness in their male children all because they have chosen to be limited by their experiences and stories they've heard. You should have asked him if he'd bear the responsibility if you end up as a failed adult 30 years from now. Many men have failed, are raising failures because of this mindset. It's good that you consider how your actions are perceived by others but can't you have a mind of your own to determine what is good and right for you? I was alway bullied because of my size but I remember getting so huge and big later because I was bulking up and getting toned up. I once weighed around 115kg with toned muscles. Some people complained to my parents and my mom took that up, began to complain about my weight. You know what, during this time, my dad once took me to one of his parcels of land when a bully was trying to encroach into it. When the bully saw me, he was shocked and that was the last I heard of his rants.

Infact, I dey enter as body guard for my papa motor when I dey with am that time if he is carrying huge sum of money. Once he has some huge cash, he'd call and have me come around before he can move out the cash.

DamianDd:
My dad is a really good guy, I love him so much and he's gentle most times. Though he gets angry sometimes but he's reasonable about everything he does.

I came home 11:30 which is very late and I knew that and I even hated it too that I came home this late so I was trying to avoid him even when he asked to come to his room because I had a gut feeling that things won't gi right.

But I ended up going to get my charger that was with him, then for the first 5 minutes in he was making sense about why I came home late and I was agreeing to it that it's true

Then all of a sudden he starts saying "what will people think?" "Neighbors are watching" "they'll start saying god forbid, like father like son" "I nor fit let my pikin be like this boy" "which kind family be this, see when their son dey come house?" "People are watching, people are judging" and even more words and it started getting annoying to me, then he said they will say "see when this small pikin dey come house"

It was at that moment that I shut it down, I've never been that way to him but it was so infuriating, I told him I'm not a child I'm 18 which is legal age, I work for my money, I make 50k to 300k a month on my own; no neighbors give me food when I'm hungry, the landlord doesn't clean my eyes when they hurt from viewing my phone too much so I don't give a Bleep what they think of me. I told him to not put all those orientations in my head because it affected me alot when I was younger and it made me timid and shy and scared of being myself or having different opinions and that's what I'm trying to fix in myself and my mindset now.

What I do feel bad about is last year I paid for the house rent and packing when I had alot of money, I brought it up when I was talking to him and said "I paid for this house with my own money so who is landlord or the neighbors for me to be sacred to come in and out of my own home, I know what I did is wrong and I'm sorry but don't put those bad thoughts in my head" I shouldn't have said that though by bringing up what I did for family. He only called me back and said "don't worry I won't talk to you anymore until I use my own money to pay for the house next time" I didn't say anything because i know I was wrong and nothing good would come out of talking back, I just left his room.



What's your thoughts on the matter?

nnamdiosu:
Your actions show you are still a child. Not just a child, but a foolish one.

I doubt you'll hearken to this advise, but trust me, it's good for you. There are some actions that brings curses upon one, you are towing that line.


Do you know the pain a man feels that he couldn't provide shelter for his family?

Do you know the pain a man feels that it'd his young child that pays the rent and he as a father still stays in the same house.

Noe do you know the pain a man feels that his child, after paying rent, tells him to his face that he did so, when he's correcting the son on a wrong action.

Omo you've embarrassed him.

My advise, go to him face down. Beg him to forgive you. Buy him a present. So so sincerely. Even after he's said it's fine, don't leave, continue.

May God have mercy on you.

DamianDd:
My dad is a really good guy, I love him so much and he's gentle most times. Though he gets angry sometimes but he's reasonable about everything he does.

I came home 11:30 which is very late and I knew that and I even hated it too that I came home this late so I was trying to avoid him even when he asked to come to his room because I had a gut feeling that things won't gi right.

But I ended up going to get my charger that was with him, then for the first 5 minutes in he was making sense about why I came home late and I was agreeing to it that it's true

Then all of a sudden he starts saying "what will people think?" "Neighbors are watching" "they'll start saying god forbid, like father like son" "I nor fit let my pikin be like this boy" "which kind family be this, see when their son dey come house?" "People are watching, people are judging" and even more words and it started getting annoying to me, then he said they will say "see when this small pikin dey come house"

It was at that moment that I shut it down, I've never been that way to him but it was so infuriating, I told him I'm not a child I'm 18 which is legal age, I work for my money, I make 50k to 300k a month on my own; no neighbors give me food when I'm hungry, the landlord doesn't clean my eyes when they hurt from viewing my phone too much so I don't give a Bleep what they think of me. I told him to not put all those orientations in my head because it affected me alot when I was younger and it made me timid and shy and scared of being myself or having different opinions and that's what I'm trying to fix in myself and my mindset now.

What I do feel bad about is last year I paid for the house rent and packing when I had alot of money, I brought it up when I was talking to him and said "I paid for this house with my own money so who is landlord or the neighbors for me to be sacred to come in and out of my own home, I know what I did is wrong and I'm sorry but don't put those bad thoughts in my head" I shouldn't have said that though by bringing up what I did for family. He only called me back and said "don't worry I won't talk to you anymore until I use my own money to pay for the house next time" I didn't say anything because i know I was wrong and nothing good would come out of talking back, I just left his room.



What's your thoughts on the matter?

kernniejay:
This particular boy lacks the discipline you talked about and must certainly be keeping out late in the nights for some shady unclean hustles.

DamianDd:
My dad is a really good guy, I love him so much and he's gentle most times. Though he gets angry sometimes but he's reasonable about everything he does.

I came home 11:30 which is very late and I knew that and I even hated it too that I came home this late so I was trying to avoid him even when he asked to come to his room because I had a gut feeling that things won't gi right.

. He only called me back and said "don't worry I won't talk to you anymore until I use my own money to pay for the house next time" I didn't say anything because i know I was wrong and nothing good would come out of talking back, I just left his room.



What's your thoughts on the matter?

There is something about that i am 18, and i pay the bills, that i find funny and the way he spoke to the father is clearly wrong, anyway the following generations will show them too. No wahala, black people usually lack patience and understanding.

Lack of understanding is what made HAM get a curse.

Exodus15v11:
I'm going to take your Dad's side because he did not speak to you rudely nor angrily, but your own reaction and words (e.g. "...I don't give a bleep/fck what they think of me" were rude. You shouldn't have spoken to him in that manner. He really must be gentle because you wouldn't have gotten away speaking to another Nigerian parent so disrespectfully.

Secondly, it's his house, so if he thinks you coming home late will create a negative impression with his neighbors and decided to talk to you about it (and he did so gently, for that matter), he's within his right. He did not deserve the response you gave him. You've a lot of audacity o.

Lastly, if you think you're such a big man at 18 and you've your own money, then kindly leave his house. Living in his house and thinking you can enter at any time you want and then disrespect him further when he expresses his displeasure at that, is unacceptable.

DamianDd:
Omoh I guess so, I'll apologize when the time is right.... Let's just give it time. I know him well