₦airaland Forum

Flows001:
Moderators please push this to front page.

My first post on nairaland, so please pardon any error.

Good morning everyone, so let me just go straight to the point.

My elder sister has been dating this guy for more than a year now, she became pregnant months into the relationship and he begged her to keep the child, that he was going to marry her.
So she did and about two months ago, she gave birth to a boy.
Just like he said, he started making moves to marry her, she took him to see my uncle (because our dad is late), alongside with one of his brothers, they also went to see some of my aunties; as well as my Mum. So basically everyone knows them together in our extended family, as well as the street where my sister stays (she resides in Enugu State), because he usually goes to spend time with her and I must admit that he has been really nice to her and made sure she has been comfortable and never lacked anything.
Along the line, my sister started suspecting that this her husband to be has been avoiding picking up strange numbers calling him, she asked him but he told her not to worry.
Fast forward to earlier this week, she stumbled upon a text he received from one unsaved number, the text was begging him to allow the sender to atleast come visit him, apparently; this same guy was already married before and already had two grown children before he left the marriage for reasons which she didn't tell me, so his children have been making efforts to reach their father as their mother went to dump them with his brothers and went her way..

When my sister confronted him, he had to open up to her and apologised, stating that he wanted to start another life and couldn't tell her from the beginning because he didn't want to lose her..

Now my sister is in a dilemma, their traditional marriage was scheduled to hold by the end of this year and he has already started making efforts to officially pay her bride price.
Her two options are:
1. Leave him and become a single mother at this young age (she's a student of NOUN and does business which he supported her to expand).
2. Stay with him and accommodate the children from his former wife.

Please advice 🙏🙏🙏

He that comes to equity, must come with clean hands

Collins4u1:
she can become a single mother and get married later. hopefully the future husband won't be traumatized for training someone's else child.

Funny how women can't treat someone's else child as theirs.

Seconded.

On ur comments i stand

Zonefree:

How is accomodating your husband's kids traumatising?

Men do marry single mom with kids, accommodate and train them without using the word "traumatising".


If your beloved sister should take the first option which is, "Leave him and become a single mother at her flower age"...when she finds love again and wants to marry, don't you think it would be traumatising for the potential husband to accommodate her child?

Make una try dey use una sense for this country!

You dey mind them?
If the table were to be turned now she will be saying who will love me must love my child as well...........self centered gender

I really like the way you standing up for your sister. That been said, been a single mother can be quite tough. I suggest she pend it and observe further. A marriage shouldn't start on this note.

Flows001:
No she didn't see any sign before then, she was already an entrepreneur who was staying on her own, fending for herself and school, she even helped me with finances in my final year in the University, so she wasn't lured because of money, he merely toasted her like every other guy and he looks quite young.
She even took extra step to go stay at his house for two weeks in Abuja, just to know more about him, and he introduced her to basically all his colleagues and friends, none of them showed any negativity.

She was just an innocent victim which at this point is quite unfortunate.

Westerhoffe:
Says who?
Madam drop advice.

No.

Anny69:
No.

Drop something joor…
Termite bite you.

Everybody is fighting for their own interest. Op dey support him sister, him sister dey happy sey she don see hot nigga wey she go monopolize for marriage...and manchi dey find who go take care of him small pikin.

Dear readers,in whatever situation you find yourself dealing with another human being, ALWAYS THINK IN TERM OF YOUR OWN INTERESTS, rest assured the other party is doing the same.

Unless he or she is a FOOL.

Bribri:
I really like the way you standing up for your sister. That been said, been a single mother can be quite tough. I suggest she pend it and observe further. A marriage shouldn't start on this note.

Alright.

I really appreciate your contribution 🙏

Munamu:
He that comes to equity, must come with clean hands

I dont think this equity maxim applies here..

Thanks for your contribution

Mcslize:
Flows001 there is no issue here. Your sister should take the children as hers. With that, there will be no issue.

You see a man that is supporting you. You said you want to be a single mother because the man already has children. That will be the most foolish thing your sister will ever do and she will regret it. Because she will be regarded as a single mother even if she decides to be with another man today, won't she take along her child? So what's the sense in it?

She better go on with the marriage and save herself the stigma of being a single mother. I see no sense in all of that if she follows the first option. Na she lose.

Alright, thank you very much..

Onbami:
Option 2

Okay.
Thank you for your contribution

isabi2lof:
I don't believe your sister was tricked , some of them knew the kind of men they're getting married to , they just want to get married by all means to avoid being single at 30+ ,this will keep on happening as long as the society has placed an age limit to marriage .

I do ask if I'm in a relationship whether the person has been married before or has a baby mama , we've a lot of baby mamas outside, and there's a possibility, that the person you're dating is either a baby mama or baby daddy .

The guy would've open up to your sister , I've seen this happening to someone not quite long, at the end we found out that she was the one that intentionally got pregnant for the guy cos the guy has already opened up to her before that he has two kids from his baby mama , this is someone that is less than 24yrs ,all of them just want to rush and get married before 30+.

Inasmuch as I agree with you, my sister's case isn't actually the same..
She wasn't actually talking about marriage with him until the pregnancy happened, he himself begged her to keep the child, that he was going to marry her. He immediately started backing his marriage proposal to her with positive steps. Together they've visited most of my auties and uncles, and she's been communicating with some of his relations and already planned on going to his village in Akwa Ibom shortly before the payment of bride price, the traditional marriage itself was supposed to happen last year while she was still pregnant, but she told him to allow her give birth and nurse the child for some months first (he was visiting her in Enugu from Abuja during weekends, to show you how serious he was).
She only got to know about this whole twist earlier this week, and it was even due to her personal attempts in trying to study him.

Thanks for your contribution

Flows001:
Inasmuch as I agree with you, my sister's case isn't actually the same..
She wasn't actually talking about marriage with him until the pregnancy happened, he himself begged her to keep the child, that he was going to marry her. He immediately started backing his marriage proposal to her with positive steps. Together they've visited most of my auties and uncles, and she's been communicating with some of his relations and already planned on going to his village in Akwa Ibom shortly before the payment of bride price, the traditional marriage itself was supposed to happen last year while she was still pregnant, but she told him to allow her give birth and nurse the child for some months first (he was visiting her in Enugu from Abuja during weekends, to show you how serious he was).
She only got to know about this whole twist earlier this week, and it was even due to her personal attempts in trying to study him.

Thanks for your contribution

You're welcome, the man was a deciever , we've many of them out there , denying their wives and children just to deceive innocent single ladies.

Flows001:
I dont think this equity maxim applies here..

Thanks for your contribution

Why does the man want your sister's support ,when he has not been truthful to her?

Munamu:
Why does the man want your sister's support ,when he has not been truthful to her?

Okay I get now.

He knew what he was doing from the beginning and had it all planned out.
He knew she wouldn't have agreed if he had come out clean from the beginning, reason why he ensured she already gave birth for him (which I even told her was her own mistake).

Flows001:
Okay I get now.

He knew what he was doing from the beginning and had it all planned out.
He knew she wouldn't have agreed if he had come out clean from the beginning, reason why he ensured she already gave birth for him (which I even told her was her own mistake).

Such a mean man. May God see her through.

Collins4u1:
she can become a single mother and get married later. hopefully the future husband won't be traumatized for training someone's else child.

Funny how women can't treat someone's else child as theirs.

Are you kidding me? You just contradicted your first statement with the second one.

Flows001:
Moderators please push this to front page.

My first post on nairaland, so please pardon any error.

Good morning everyone, so let me just go straight to the point.

My elder sister has been dating this guy for more than a year now, she became pregnant months into the relationship and he begged her to keep the child, that he was going to marry her.
So she did and about two months ago, she gave birth to a boy.
Just like he said, he started making moves to marry her, she took him to see my uncle (because our dad is late), alongside with one of his brothers, they also went to see some of my aunties; as well as my Mum. So basically everyone knows them together in our extended family, as well as the street where my sister stays (she resides in Enugu State), because he usually goes to spend time with her and I must admit that he has been really nice to her and made sure she has been comfortable and never lacked anything.
Along the line, my sister started suspecting that this her husband to be has been avoiding picking up strange numbers calling him, she asked him but he told her not to worry.
Fast forward to earlier this week, she stumbled upon a text he received from one unsaved number, the text was begging him to allow the sender to atleast come visit him, apparently; this same guy was already married before and already had two grown children before he left the marriage for reasons which she didn't tell me, so his children have been making efforts to reach their father as their mother went to dump them with his brothers and went her way..

When my sister confronted him, he had to open up to her and apologised, stating that he wanted to start another life and couldn't tell her from the beginning because he didn't want to lose her..

Now my sister is in a dilemma, their traditional marriage was scheduled to hold by the end of this year and he has already started making efforts to officially pay her bride price.
Her two options are:
1. Leave him and become a single mother at this young age (she's a student of NOUN and does business which he supported her to expand).
2. Stay with him and accommodate the children from his former wife.

Please advice 🙏🙏🙏

What do you mean by 'he left the marriage'? Are they separated or divorced? Well, whichever the case, the ball is in her court. Thank God she's not married to him yet. A man, that deceptive can't really be trusted. What if there are other secrets he has kept from her? If your sister is worrying about taking care of the baby alone, she can have the conversation with the man to be receiving monthly feeding allowance for the baby. They don't have to get married for that to happen. The baby is his, he should want to take care of him or her regardless of the circumstances.

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Second option is better.

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