Straight to the point. I'm 10 years in marriage. These are my features/characteristics:
Petite, talkative, smile alot, too nice and polite.
I'm 39 years of age. The above features makes me vulnerable to some people. It's not what I do to please people. It is just my nature. I get disrespected on a daily basis, both at my previous workplace and even my neighbors because of this nature. I try greeting people I know, regardless of their age. The sad thing is: this disrespect comes from people far younger than me. GenZ especially. Now this gets to me. I respect you and am nice to you, is that an avenue for you to talk down on me? U don't feel you should reciprocate?
One instance, among others. A pregnant neighbors calls to beg me to pack her clothes when its about to rain or open the gate for workmen at the back flat, she's mostly in her shop. This is someone I'm 10 years older than, which she knows, but I do it without complaining. I do it all the time. Could you believe this afternoon, it was drizzling, I quickly ran out to pack my child's clothes. The neighbor was in the house ooo. Her clothes were there too but I had to take my clothes first. She angrily came out, walked pass me, and went to the backyard to park her clothes. I thought there was no issue, only for her to call me on her phone immediately she went inside. The first thing she said was: so I couldn't wake her to come park her clothes, I asked her if she didn't see me parking my own clothes. Before I finished talking, she ended the call. Am I right to feel angry or am I over reacting?
The thing is: I'm an extremist, when I get angry I usually cause a scene and say alot. I'm not normal at all. I'm not proud of this, that's why I always try to curb my anger. But people usually take my goodness for granted. I want it to really stop. How do I go about it?

Be careful how you relate with people because people do take advantage of people like you

U just dey open teeth waaa with them, i no dey laugh with people like that, and for u to insult me sef u go fear, because even my face sef

MsJackson:
Straight to the point. I'm 10 years in marriage. These are my features/characteristics:
Petite, talkative, smile alot, too nice and polite.

I'm 39 years of age. The above features makes me vulnerable to some people. It's not what I do to please people. It is just my nature. I get disrespected on a daily basis, both at my previous workplace and even my neighbors because of this nature. I try greeting people I know, regardless of their age. The sad thing is: this disrespect comes from people far younger than me. GenZ especially. Now this gets to me. I respect you and am nice to you, is that an avenue for you to talk down on me? U don't feel you should reciprocate?

One instance, among others. A pregnant neighbors calls to beg me to pack her clothes when its about to rain or open the gate for workmen at the back flat, she's mostly in her shop. This is someone I'm 10 years older than, which she knows, but I do it without complaining. I do it all the time. Could you believe this afternoon, it was drizzling, I quickly ran out to pack my child's clothes. The neighbor was in the house ooo. Her clothes were there too but I had to take my clothes first. She angrily came out, walked pass me, and went to the backyard to park her clothes. I thought there was no issue, only for her to call me on her phone immediately she went inside. The first thing she said was: so I couldn't wake her to come park her clothes, I asked her if she didn't see me parking my own clothes. Before I finished talking, she ended the call. Am I right to feel angry or am I over reacting?

The thing is: I'm an extremist, when I get angry I usually cause a scene and say alot. I'm not normal at all. I'm not proud of this, that's why I always try to curb my anger. But people usually take my goodness for granted. I want it to really stop. How do I go about it?

JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE NICE TO THE WORLD, DOESN'T MEAN THE WORLD WOULD BE NICE OR SHOULD BE NICE TO YOU.

Sister, you are perfectly NORMAL but you are TOO AVAILABLE. That is the problem.


I used to be like you till everyone stepped on my head to get ahead in life.... even church people.
People come to get money, critical business secrets from me, etc AND USE IT TO BE AHEAD OF ME....... then turn around and mock me, lie against me and even betray me. I allowed it thinking it was the righteous thing to do.... TILL an MFM pastor taught me that BEING NICE is a bad thing. This elderly pastor showed me that even our GOD IS NOT NICE, HE IS GOOD. And being good means, HE CAN BE BAD but HE CHOSE TO BE GOOD.


So I chose to be GOOD and NOT Nice. The elderly pastor trained me to come out of the psychological deficiency of being NICE... and THAT WAS MY MOMEN OF BALANCE. I became balanced inside me, so when I relate with people and they take my KINDNESS for being NICE and then try nonsense with me, I SWITCH and correct their wrong perception..... Guess what......... IT MADE PEOPLE RESPECT ME AND EVEN LOVE ME MORE.


So, sister, find a mentor who will help you out of this NICENESS else you will live in PAINS for the rest of your life... there will be REGRETS.... unhealed HURTS..... unexpressed stuff. IT IS GOOD FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH too.
God bless

Smile, talk and treat people just the way they treat you, this way they wiłl learn to respect you.

Become scarce/not readily available. Set boundaries so people don’t have access to you easily.
Ensure that those that have easy access to you are those that respect you and reciprocate your nice gestures.

Familiarity breeds contempt and see finish.

. When something no dey favour you,it's either you try to adjust yourself small,or you better stop am...

Well,
I'm really just like you op,in real life..But I've come to realize that people will always tend to take your generosity, and simplicity for granted....... I've really realized alot,that these days I just pray to wake up someday and find myself heartless

To my own understanding your too friendly that's why people take advantage of you. You should have boundaries as per the way you relate with people so as to avoid insult.

You play too much.Be firm.Na Naija you dey,if you smile too much dem go use trailer waka pass you.

Have you taken your meds??

yrhuhfy113:


JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE NICE TO THE WORLD, DOESN'T MEAN THE WORLD WOULD BE NICE OR SHOULD BE NICE TO YOU.

Sister, you are perfectly NORMAL but you are TOO AVAILABLE. That is the problem.


I used to be like you till everyone stepped on my head to get ahead in life.... even church people.
People come to get money, critical business secrets from me, etc AND USE IT TO BE AHEAD OF ME....... then turn around and mock me, lie against me and even betray me. I allowed it thinking it was the righteous thing to do.... TILL an MFM pastor taught me that BEING NICE is a bad thing. This elderly pastor showed me that even our GOD IS NOT NICE, HE IS GOOD. And being good means, HE CAN BE BAD but HE CHOSE TO BE GOOD.


So I chose to be GOOD and NOT Nice. The elderly pastor trained me to come out of the psychological deficiency of being NICE... and THAT WAS MY MOMEN OF BALANCE. I became balanced inside me, so when I relate with people and they take my KINDNESS for being NICE and then try nonsense with me, I SWITCH and correct their wrong perception..... Guess what......... IT MADE PEOPLE RESPECT ME AND EVEN LOVE ME MORE.


So, sister, find a mentor who will help you out of this NICENESS else you will live in PAINS for the rest of your life... there will be REGRETS.... unhealed HURTS..... unexpressed stuff. IT IS GOOD FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH too.
God bless

How I wish the universe is a place where positivity doesn't require a neutralisation of negativity to balance 🙂

I'm not saying we should be negative, but we scare people that we're capable of it so they won't take us for granted. Imagine a world where everybody competes with love. A world where love becomes a craving as we do for money. 🙂

yrhuhfy113:


JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE NICE TO THE WORLD, DOESN'T MEAN THE WORLD WOULD BE NICE OR SHOULD BE NICE TO YOU.

Sister, you are perfectly NORMAL but you are TOO AVAILABLE. That is the problem.


I used to be like you till everyone stepped on my head to get ahead in life.... even church people.
People come to get money, critical business secrets from me, etc AND USE IT TO BE AHEAD OF ME....... then turn around and mock me, lie against me and even betray me. I allowed it thinking it was the righteous thing to do.... TILL an MFM pastor taught me that BEING NICE is a bad thing. This elderly pastor showed me that even our GOD IS NOT NICE, HE IS GOOD. And being good means, HE CAN BE BAD but HE CHOSE TO BE GOOD.


So I chose to be GOOD and NOT Nice. The elderly pastor trained me to come out of the psychological deficiency of being NICE... and THAT WAS MY MOMEN OF BALANCE. I became balanced inside me, so when I relate with people and they take my KINDNESS for being NICE and then try nonsense with me, I SWITCH and correct their wrong perception..... Guess what......... IT MADE PEOPLE RESPECT ME AND EVEN LOVE ME MORE.


So, sister, find a mentor who will help you out of this NICENESS else you will live in PAINS for the rest of your life... there will be REGRETS.... unhealed HURTS..... unexpressed stuff. IT IS GOOD FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH too.
God bless

How I wish the universe is a place where positivity doesn't require a neutralisation of negatives to balance 🙂

I'm not saying we should be negative, but we scare people that we're capable of it so they won't take us for granted. Imagine a world where everybody competes with love. A world where love becomes a craving as we do for money. 🙂

Avoid see finish

You said you are a talkative. You surely deserve to be disrespected. Why not work in the marketplace? At least you will find market women you can compete with as a talkative? There's nothing more shameful than a man who talks anyhow. In my years of existence, I have learned that no one can disrespect you until you disrespect yourself.

godwinstringed1:


How I wish the universe is a place where positivity doesn't require a neutralisation of negativity to balance 🙂

I'm not saying we should be negative, but we scare people that we're capable of it so they won't take us for granted. Imagine a world where everybody competes with love. A world where love becomes a craving as we do for money. 🙂

Yes, it exists.
It is called HEAVEN

Only those who can practice such love will eventually go there.
but
IT IS TO DIE FOR.

yrhuhfy113:


Yes, it exists.
It is called HEAVEN

Only those who can practice such love will eventually go there.
but
IT IS TO DIE FOR.

That is what I practise, bro. No brags. Like I can't recollect when I've ever wished anything bad for anyone even while I'm dying of hunger. Unfortunately I always look like a fool, to the extent that I hurt myself at the expense of others. I'm no saint, but I crave showing love and selflessness every single time

GodWrites:
You said you are a talkative. You surely deserve to be disrespected. Why not work in the marketplace? At least you will find market women you can compete with as a talkative? There's nothing more shameful than a man who talks anyhow. In my years of existence, I have learned that no one can disrespect you until you disrespect yourself.

You should have asked. I'm female. Besides I laid out my strengths and weaknesses. I'm not perfect, but i talk alot doesn't make me a bad person, does it? Or you didn't see where I said I was practically 'slaving' for my young neighbor because of her pregnant condition? Isn't that laudable?

godwinstringed1:


That is what I practise, bro. No brags. Like I can't recollect when I've ever wished anything bad for anyone even while I'm dying of hunger. Unfortunately I always look like a fool, to the extent that I hurt myself at the expense of others. I'm no saint, but I crave showing love and selflessness every single time

LET ME SHOW YOU A LITTLE BALANCE

Ecclesiastes 7:15-17
WMB Translation
15-17 In this silly life I have seen everything, including the fact that very good people die young untimely and most of the wicked live on and on till old age. So here is what you should do to preserve yourself, don’t be too good or too wise all the time! Else you will not last, Why destroy yourself?
On the other hand, don’t be too wicked either—don’t be a fool! Why should you die before your time?

yrhuhfy113:

LET ME SHOW YOU A LITTLE BALANCE

Ecclesiastes 7:15-17
WMB Translation
15-17 In this silly life I have seen everything, including the fact that very good people die young untimely and most of the wicked live on and on till old age. So here is what you should do to preserve yourself, don’t be too good or too wise all the time! Else you will not last, Why destroy yourself?
On the other hand, don’t be too wicked either—don’t be a fool! Why should you die before your time?

Hmm!

It's because you're someone that thrives on people's validation. i.e. the "what will people say" person.


This same people see through your act of niceness & they take advantage of you.


The day you have a heated argument or quarrel, one or all of them will say: "I said it, she's just a pretender."

godwinstringed1:


How I wish the universe is a place where positivity doesn't require a neutralisation of negatives to balance 🙂

I'm not saying we should be negative, but we scare people that we're capable of it so they won't take us for granted. Imagine a world where everybody competes with love. A world where love becomes a craving as we do for money. 🙂

You must love fantasy novels & romantic movies.




You better snap out of your fantasy & face reality cos when world people do you dirty, you might never recover from it


Leave ideal world 🌍 that exist in your fantasy & learn how to meander through the real world you exist in.

Karlifate:


You must love fantasy novels & romantic movies.




You better snap out of your fantasy & face reality cos when world people do you dirty, you might never recover from it


Leave ideal world 🌍 that exist in your fantasy & learn how to meander through the real world you exist in.

Funny enough, I don't watch movies or read fiction of any sort

Hmmm, just ignore her provocation (it might be the pregnancy), nice people are always taken advantage of, it shouldn't change who you are, always do what makes you happy but avoid people that will want to add

yrhuhfy113:


JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE NICE TO THE WORLD, DOESN'T MEAN THE WORLD WOULD BE NICE OR SHOULD BE NICE TO YOU.

Sister, you are perfectly NORMAL but you are TOO AVAILABLE. That is the problem.


I used to be like you till everyone stepped on my head to get ahead in life.... even church people.
People come to get money, critical business secrets from me, etc AND USE IT TO BE AHEAD OF ME....... then turn around and mock me, lie against me and even betray me. I allowed it thinking it was the righteous thing to do.... TILL an MFM pastor taught me that BEING NICE is a bad thing. This elderly pastor showed me that even our GOD IS NOT NICE, HE IS GOOD. And being good means, HE CAN BE BAD but HE CHOSE TO BE GOOD.


So I chose to be GOOD and NOT Nice. The elderly pastor trained me to come out of the psychological deficiency of being NICE... and THAT WAS MY MOMEN OF BALANCE. I became balanced inside me, so when I relate with people and they take my KINDNESS for being NICE and then try nonsense with me, I SWITCH and correct their wrong perception..... Guess what......... IT MADE PEOPLE RESPECT ME AND EVEN LOVE ME MORE.


So, sister, find a mentor who will help you out of this NICENESS else you will live in PAINS for the rest of your life... there will be REGRETS.... unhealed HURTS..... unexpressed stuff. IT IS GOOD FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH too.
God bless

I beg to differ with your Pastor who says God is Good and Not Nice!

He is Good which includes Nice, if not, No One would dare say all the sorts of rubbish against Him and dare Him even to His Face.

But Niceness does not mean weakness.

It is simply doing that which is good even in the face of trials and persecutions which of course does not mean take evil from anyone but rather refuse to do evil.

In other words "Do no evil, Accept no Evil"

That's my motto I live by.

culf:
Hmmm, just ignore her provocation (it might be the pregnancy), nice people are always taken advantage of, it shouldn't change who you are, always do what makes you happy but avoid people that will want to add

Thank you for this.

When I was going through hardship and wickedness because I found that I was suffering for being like the Op, I was thankful that I had at least one person who told me not to change.

Today, I am very thankful, for God has turned all my pains and disappointments into blessings and appointments.

All who see me today are amazed.

Even I am Amazed!

Thus I borrow the words of my brother in the Lord, Paul and say "let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not."

yrhuhfy113:


Yes, it exists.
It is called HEAVEN

Only those who can practice such love will eventually go there.
but
IT IS TO DIE FOR.

I agree!

truespeak:


I beg to differ with your Pastor who says God is Good and Not Nice!

He is Good which includes Nice, if not, No One would dare say all the sorts of rubbish against Him and dare Him even to His Face.

But Niceness does not mean weakness.

It is simply doing that which is good even in the face of trials and persecutions which of course does not mean take evil from anyone but rather refuse to do evil.

In other words "Do no evil, Accept no Evil"

That's my motto I live by.

PLS USE A DICTIONARY NEXT TIME.



your philosophy has no match for the forces of this world o.

godwinstringed1:


That is what I practise, bro. No brags. Like I can't recollect when I've ever wished anything bad for anyone even while I'm dying of hunger. Unfortunately I always look like a fool, to the extent that I hurt myself at the expense of others. I'm no saint, but I crave showing love and selflessness every single time

That is a blessing for it means God is still with you and has not left you.

Do Not let God Go!

yrhuhfy113:


PLS USE A DICTIONARY NEXT TIME.



your philosophy has no match for the forces of this world o.

I understand.

What I am simply saying is being nice does not mean take rubbish dished out to you.

NO! I do not take it.

So also, I do not give rubbish to another, either.

Shikena!

truespeak:


Thank you for this.

When I was going through hardship and wickedness because I found that I was suffering for being like the Op, I was thankful that I had at least one person who told me not to change.

Today, I am very thankful, for God has turned all my pains and disappointments into blessings and appointments.

All who see me today are amazed.

Even I am Amazed!

Thus I borrow the words of my brother in the Lord, Paul and say "let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not."

Thank you too dear and thanks for not allowing people to change who you are, it's not easy but it pays to be good.

culf:


Thank you too dear and thanks for not allowing people to change who you are, it's not easy but it pays to be good.

Rightly said!

And then with understanding it becomes sweet and easy inspite of any and every thing placed in your way.

Na laugh you go dey laugh sef.