₦airaland Forum

Wait! Are you this old and foolish all the time or it's just for today?

Jewessgratitud3:
Is it easy to find a good girl to marry that he'll just switch overnight like that?

Fact still remains, if he was capable, all that wouldn't be an issue to make a big deal. He's overflooding the matter.

Jewessgratitud3:
*From a concerned lady*👇‼️

My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.

My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.

It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.

After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.

My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.

When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.

We had little issue then but he later resolved it.

He brought everything they asked for.

During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.

That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.

I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.

His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.

I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?

I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.

After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.

I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.

Have I said something wrong?

I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.

I am tired, I don't know what to do.

Advise this lady

he did all to the taste of your family not at his own size. You could have supported him to do it at his level. U did stand for him. Your reply to him is very annoying " he is the one that want your hand in marriage so he must die to have u, right or he could have move on. It shows you are not at per with him or love him. Enter his shoes pls. Now he is struggling with loans. It seems you don't know what loan is. Support him pls, if he has other dependant 150k minus loan. He is not meeting his financial obligation and it is weighing down you now add your own that he is the one that want marriage as if you didnt

Him eye don clear be dat. Maybe him borrow money to marry you abi you cook vegetables for am or maybe you used kayamata for am and the thing don expire for him body

Wise words.

I remember this lady who fought her family to a standstill when the same thing happened during her wedding....today, she owns 4 flat in her name as a gift from her husband ...

The question is, after the wedding ceremony what about survival in the marriage?

If the man is capable, fine but if he's managing and the bride to be is on the same page with him, it's expected that she assists him financially or by beating down expenses.

All fingers aren't equal.

Maybe the man in question wasn't entirely truthful to himself and his girl.

Anfieldboss:
Age is truly not a measure of maturity. I'm beyond shocked that a woman in her forties can reason this way.

Marriage is meant to be a partnership. A woman coming into a man's life is supposed to be a helpmate to him. That is making his life better in all ramifications.

Heck if the lady in question is not able to support her fiancé (now hubby) financially in the wedding expenses, at least she should be able to make her family see reasons on making things easy for him by doing a low key wedding ceremony. Sensible and reasonable ladies do this all the time, a father wields a very strong influence in his daughter's traditional marriage, it is what he says, that happens. So, the onus lies on the lady to make her father see reasons why she and her fiancé who are just about to start their lives should not be stressed.

For the records, a man earning 100k can get married if he marries a woman who is an helpmate. If the lady is earning at least 70k, they can plan themselves, highest they would not have a child immediately until their combine income increases.

Women should know that a man is not looking for burden, but a partner to help and improve his life.

Jewessgratitud3:
*From a concerned lady*👇‼️

My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.

My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.

It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.

After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.

My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.

When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.

We had little issue then but he later resolved it.

He brought everything they asked for.

During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.

That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.

I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.

His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.

I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watching them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect a loan to pay for those things?

I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.

After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.

I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefers his privacy.

Have I said something wrong?

I don't like what's happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.

I am tired, I don't know what to do.

Advise this lady

Madam, you should have stood up for him.

What kind of father in law that is extremely materialistic, based on a wedding that can't take up to 10hrs?

You should have helped him to simplify that huge cost haha.

Have attended a wedding in 2003, where the bride has to follow the husband to the reception n walk out when the bride's parents r too tasked.

You should have aligned your solidarity with him not your parents...

Now that u have succeeded in messing him up with a loan, enjoy it.

Just keep talking to him n if necessary beg him n try to reason together, with time he will change.

EMIOMOADEOYE:
but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once. [TOO BAD]

I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out [VERY GOOD]

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things? [I AGREE WITH HIM]

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice. [TERRIBLE MINDSET]

====================================================================

My Opinion:

1. Both of you need to grow up. Your wedding is done and over. You have the rest of your lives ahead of you. You cannot continue sulking and giving each other the cold shoulder.
2. Find a way to talk. If you are in Lagos, go to the beach. Let the salt breeze calm you down. Then you can talk things out.
3. You are his wife. His helper. Help him. The fact that he chose to commit to you for the rest of his life is not a decision to be trifled with. You, women, love to dwell on fantasies. The fact that he cherishes you does not mean he must choke to prove it to you. How would you have felt if he turned your bride price down and walked away? You say if he cherishes you, he should do all. But the same can be said of you too. If you valued him, you would have done what you could to make things lighter for him. After all, your bride price is coming from the same purse that would finance your future home.
4. If you can in a coded way, try to find out how much his exposure is. I don't know when you got married, but the 50k you contributed, will probably not cover much in the grand scheme of things. Even if you can't do much, give it your best shot. Even if it is 5k. At least let him see that you're trying to do something to ease the loan burden. Let him see you as an ally. Not a leech. Right now that's what he sees you as. And trust me, he is seriously questioning his life choices. Show him a side of you that he might be forgetting - the side that says, I got you babe. we're in this together"

Consider a few other exigencies:
1. Someone from his family might be feeding him tales about your family.
2. You might be spending too much time with your own family too

I wish you a fruitful marriage

Too Much Sense.

If u like ur marriage u better cooperate with ur husband to sort out the loan,how can the father be determining what animal u will buy,cow for that matter,he didn't even consider if he is capable,If it where me I will dump the marriage plan

sojiadebayo:
And if the man stop the wedding at that point in time you will still say men are this men are that. you will fall to realise that life after wedding is more important here on Earth and even in heaven. Now the gentleman went into debt in a bid to please you and your family yet all you could say to him is you didn't force him and now you think you can force him to love you humn I think you need to go and tell your Dad to do what he knows doing best . Well, that's how an average Eastern lady think

You guys still don't get my drift.
Why would any sane man go borrow to wed? I don't get it and why no one sees anything wrong with that. Just simply call it off until you're capable. No one is forcing anyone to marry.

Jewessgratitud3:
*From a concerned lady*👇‼️

My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.

My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.

It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.

After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.

My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.

When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.

We had little issue then but he later resolved it.

He brought everything they asked for.

During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.

That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.

I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.

His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.

I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?

I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.

After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.

I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.

Have I said something wrong?

I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.

I am tired, I don't know what to do.

Advise this lady

He was actually the one that wanted you.
You never wanted him.

In fact.
He never had options.

If not, he would have backed out at the earliest graa-graa, and nothing would have happened.

After going through your message, I concluded that you were not concerned about the family you and your husband will raise together if you are, you would have been the one to tell your mom and dad to consider a man you want to spend the rest of your life with. If that man finally pays all the debts he is owing and your siblings come asking of finance to do one thing or the other and he remembered what he went through doing the period of payment of dowry, you will say he don't want to help his in-laws.


Ladies should think about the future and not today. Parents, when you daughter is at home, age counts when someone comes to ask her hand in marriage make sure he is feeling okay when paying the price and also he should know that the family he is married into does not make things hard for him so he can go the extra length to meet his in-laws demands when any comes by.

We don't need to have millions before going into marriage, but at least parent of the bride should be considerate thanks.

Jewessgratitud3:
*From a concerned lady*👇‼️

My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.

My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.

It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.

After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.

My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.

When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.

We had little issue then but he later resolved it.

He brought everything they asked for.

During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.

That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.

I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.

His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.

I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?

I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.

After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.

I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.

Have I said something wrong?

I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.

I am tired, I don't know what to do.

Advise this lady

I blame you to some extent. I have seen a lady that told the parents, Daddy and Mummy, i dont want a situation where u will collect everything later my husband and i will go and start drinking garri, please reduce the list if possible let my husband pay for some and balance up later. If you also want me happy, please consider this.

You should have made efforts to speak with your parents to understand and shift ground and soften the grounds for your husband, Saying if he loves you he should provide suggests that you didnt care about him as much as you care about your family's welfare. To that extent i blame you.

On the other hand, he should not have used the word extorting afterall he made the decisoon to go into marriage.
Marriage is not for kids, he needs to control the words he use despite how angry he would be.

Solution:
Wake him up in the middle of the night, go on your kneels and explain that you understand you didnt show much concern when that issue of list came up, that indeed you made a mistake, but he should please find a place in his heart to forgive you. And that going forward you will never repeat such if any similar issue surfaces and that you sincerely appreciate all his efforts and love he showers on you. come back and thank me.

budaatum:
I'm afraid I must agree with him that you supported your parents and not your future husband, though I understand how you might not have since you think loving you is shown by how much he pays for you.

Now he's paying loan for buying you and likely feels it when money he should be using to form home with you is being used to pay a loan used to buy you.

Help him pay off the loan, is what I suggest, then he might likely return to being the man you married before you let your parents put him in debt.

And try to let your parents know you are not a goat they sell in the market!

You are 100% correct

Jewessgratitud3:
Guys, marriage is not chere wereh. Be financially prepared when planning a wedding and stop making the woman feel bad at the end of the day like she caused your downfall.

You are the one who went for her hand in marriage so you should be very ready on all levels to go through with it and provide all that is required in the list and for the ceremony. This why I said some time ago that a guy earning 100k can not get married and many came for me. You will end up borrowing at one point or the other.


Why he's ignoring the lady in the new marriage now is what I don't get. Dem force am? Biko kwa. Make una dey hold enough before talking about marriage and wedding ceremony.

talk of an insensitive, foolish and inhumane Igbo girl , how u much hold? How much ur papa worth? I swear ur bank account no reach 21k , one reason men run from marriages nowadays, these poor and jobless girls roaming all over expecting a man with unlimited millions to come and solve generational poverty her father and grandfathers could not solve, greed don destroy all of una, una Dey hear am nahh, how many men are ready nowadays for this torture called marriage, soon una go Dey marry una selves

Even though I think your Husband is overreacting, I think he has a valid point. You should have stood up for him. You are not the first to marry, neither is your parents the first to demand heaven and earth, but you should have fought for him. You should have showed you were on his side. It may not yield any result with your parents, but do something. Shake body. This idea that if a man loves you, he will pay is a terrible and entitled mindset. Yes he's asking your hand in marriage, but it's not a license to kill the man. You knew his salary, so where did you expect him to get the money? It's not compulsory that his family will help. Now that he's paying back the loan and your marriage is shaky, where's your father? Nevertheless, you need to apply wisdom. Be patient with him and show him love. He'll definitely come around. Money issues can cause a man great problem so don't be insensitive.

Ask him how much is remaining in the loan and how you can help out. Everything will be fine.

Family differs though when my wife's family gave me the list na my wife personally take a pen to reduce the quantity of the items which was seconded by her... The wife should have still try to talk with her dad first.. Nigeria no smile oo

yes he was right, since you were aware of his financial status before your wedding ceremony, you should've talked to your dad to reduce his demands, afterall, we all know that the economy is not friendly, obviously, you didn't think about consequences and now the wedding ceremony is over and you have to face the consequences. My advice is that, you should continue to your husband, appeal to him and assure him that you will assist him in paying part of the remaining loan he got for the wedding. with that, he should be at peace you.

Jewessgratitud3:
*From a concerned lady*👇‼️

My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.

My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.

It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.

After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.

My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.

When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.

We had little issue then but he later resolved it.

He brought everything they asked for.

During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.

That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.

I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.

His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.

I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?

I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.

After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.

I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.

Have I said something wrong?

I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.

I am tired, I don't know what to do.

Advise this lady

He overspent in the wedding and you were not on his side by then. Find out if he has finished paying the loan he got for the wedding. If he has not better help him offset the loan. Never you tell him again that he sought your hand in marriage. It was a collected agreement.

Poor and wretched families everywhere waiting for a man to rip off in the name of marrying her daughter

Ofunaofu:
The man found out that all his efforts does not worth it

men self maybe the bow hole he spent much money in digging have much water than he needed

I thought that I have seen this story before on this site?

Maybe he realised that your @#### wasn't worthy

Jewessgratitud3:
Guys, marriage is not chere wereh. Be financially prepared when planning a wedding and stop making the woman feel bad at the end of the day like she caused your downfall.

You are the one who went for her hand in marriage so you should be very ready on all levels to go through with it and provide all that is required in the list and for the ceremony. This why I said some time ago that a guy earning 100k can not get married and many came for me. You will end up borrowing at one point or the other.


Why he's ignoring the lady in the new marriage now is what I don't get. Dem force am? Biko kwa. Make una dey hold enough before talking about marriage and wedding ceremony.

Wet in dey make him very, upon all the money wey dem collect, no be virgin dem give am, maybe na indomitable and egg dem even take collect am. NAI DEM DEY BILL AM PUT

Igbo people marriage. We know how they do. Money before anything. Foolish wife that couldn't support her husband. Is it your family you want to marry or your husband?

mask3:
I personally blame him for still going ahead to marry her.

Sometimes, he might be the too loud type that going back might be so not an easy thing to do and the bond of love can be so strong and unbreakable, sometimes, the guy would be like, where do I go from here

mask3:
I personally blame him for still going ahead to marry her.

Sincerely, he for just walk away. But then, when a man has invested so much in a relationship, walking away can be an own goal.

The lady is very unreasonable and shortsighted.
The parents are obviously hungry as well. You can’t go all showy on another person’s pocket.

saladinnoir:
The man is obviously in debt.

He also feels betrayed cos you didn't fight for him concerning the unnecessary expenses.

I support the man on this one. He has potentially entered serious debt for an event that barely lasts a day and you didn't do anything to convince your father that the investment is not worth the pay off in regards to the wedding.

Your husband doesn't feel he has someone he can rely on

Not to say she was saying she was the one who wanted

"He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice."

I really don't get why she would say this

Girl,
you failed your man for saying all this.
How will your dad tell him to buy cow when you know his income is not much, you're supposed to be beside him and cut things down with your parents not to tell tell him you know who your dad is... did your dad bought cow when he married your mum?? Besides then thind weren't as hard as today.
Honestly, me personally I will be angry too. You husband is a nice man because he's not living a fake like.
Because he ask for marriage meaning he must provide what he can't afford.... that's wrong
Pls don't get me wrong, let's face realty.

All I can say is God bless my wife and my in laws for giving me such an understanding ears when I got married.

u girls should stop pressurizing young men from doing otherwise.

Wedding ceremony isn't supposed to be so huge if the man isn't wealthy enough.

I laws should be considerate biko.

Jewessgratitud3:
*From a concerned lady*👇‼️

My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.

My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.

It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.

After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.

My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.

When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.

We had little issue then but he later resolved it.

He brought everything they asked for.

During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.

That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.

I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.

His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.

I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?

I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.

After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.

I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.

Have I said something wrong?

I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.

I am tired, I don't know what to do.

Advise this lady

You are not a good wife material simple

Any man that gets angry while paying pride price is not a worthy man

Girls should run away very far from any man that sees pride price as extortion

For your information, that man will continue to be moody until he finishes paying that unnecessary debt he incurred. so, where is your beloved father you were trying to please? he is chilling with an early morning palm wine which he deserves, as he has lived his life. but you, you have your moody husband to deal with. From being moody, it could snowball into depression. Na you sabi, deal with it.
On the way out, prepare his best meal. while he is dining, talk to him, and apologize sincerely to him. Tell him how much you love him and cherish your union. Take the blame and promise to stand by him going forward.