I blame the man. On a very serious note, if the marriage right was too much for him he should have walk away and leave their daughter for them. There are many ladies with considerate parents and there also others with thieves as parents.

Find a way to calm Him down. And give Him room to talk without judgement. HE may not be saying it the way you like, but He is trying to say something, and you really need to hear Him out, otherwise, you people are just playing marriage, but not really married.

In my case, I was very lucky with my Wife, the demands were not unreasonable for bride price and other things, but some family member wanted to use their position to make things more difficult for us beyond what we had discussed, it was my Wife that put that person in their place, so much so we made the person totally irrelevant to our wedding and marriage. And i never had to deal with any of their stress. If you really want to be married to someone, you should also work with Him to manage any pressure from your family (just like you did with the 50k). Especially because whatever he spends or saves, is money that can contribute to getting you guys started. That is not to say your Dad was wrong or that you were wrong, just that you guys were not really communicating about how you were dealing with the pressures. You need to find a way to get Him talking. Try going to hold him in a way or in a place that will arouse Him, maybe he will calm down enough for you guys to talk, focus on understanding Him and on letting Him know that you do. He will eventually understand you too. Then we can all move on. I wish you the very best.

budaatum:


I'm afraid I must agree with him that you supported your parents and not your future husband, though I understand how you might not have since you think loving you is shown by how much he pays for you.

Now he's paying loan for buying you and likely feels it when money he should be using to form home with you is being used to pay a loan used to buy you.

Help him pay off the loan, is what I suggest, then he might likely return to being the man you married before you let your parents put him in debt.

And try to let your parents know you are not a goat they sell in the market!

take this advice very seriously and help him pay off that loan very fast, don't let him get used to being alone else you are on ur own oooo

Jewessgratitud3:

*From a concerned lady*👇‼️

My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.

My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.

It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.

After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.

My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.

When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.

We had little issue then but he later resolved it.

He brought everything they asked for.

During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.

That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.

I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.

His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.

I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?

I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.

After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.

I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.

Have I said something wrong?

I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.

I am tired, I don't know what to do.

Advise this lady

A woman is supposed to help her husband negotiate... African marriage is an over bloated nonsense. Guys should marry according to there pocket abeg

Jewessgratitud3:


Just because I didn't reason in your line of thoughts doesn't make my opinion null and void. We all must not reason like a cheap slut ( like you with no value) who goes with poly bag to a man's house after a can of malt and gala treat.

Receive sense and learn to make your points without attacking any submission that doesn't support your warped mentality.

Cheap article. We know una.

Sorry to ask, are you married or single? I may not support the man in what he is doing, but the man equally has a right to ban his in_laws from coming to his house, and if that was what he actually had done other than the mood swing, I would be glad. It is so sad how in_laws behave due to hunger in the land and tomorrow they expect the wife to contribute one or two stuffs which would still come from the husband.

The man is in a huge debt, no doubt. Debt is what humbles a man, not even how much he earns. When a man earns 50k and he isn't in debt, he would still manage and be happy 50k is small, but how many Nigerians are earning well? Reason our ladies are growing without any husband. Ladies do not even support their husband even in management of what he brings home. I have tried giving my wife 100k every month for our feeding, but she rejected. You could guess what the reason was. It is well!

Jewessgratitud3:


Just because I didn't reason in your line of thoughts doesn't make my opinion null and void. We all must not reason like a cheap slut ( like you with no value) who goes with poly bag to a man's house after a can of malt and gala treat.

Receive sense and learn to make your points without attacking any submission that doesn't support your warped mentality.

Cheap article. We know una.

why are you always aggressive? Jecci didn't make any abusive statement against you but you are attacking her person nonstop.

Please take a chill and learn, Anfieldboss has schooled you because he has an experience as a married man.

Please try to learn

If she wants her husband back and wants her marriage to last, she should help in paying back the loan and henceforth, learn to place her husbands demands above that of any other person including her dad, mum, pastor or ANY other third party.

I for don use the exit door te te. Make ur father carry u add with ur mama, marry.

I for don use the exit door te te. Make ur father carry u add with ur mama, marry

CarlosTheJackal:
why are you always aggressive? Jecci didn't make any abusive statement against you but you are attacking her person nonstop.

Please take a chill and learn, Anfieldboss has schooled you because he has an experience as a married man.

Please try to learn

I'm sure you didn't see where she
first attacked me saying I didn't make sense in my submissions. Of course you won't see it and the other offensive things she said.

Please, kindly go to their mentions and give them all the pat in the back for all I care and save me this irritating briefs you're holding for them. I've never come to tell how to reply or react to any ones comment on here before. I don't even have the time to stick my nose in other peoples biz cos it's non of my business. Please do the needful and stop mentioning me.

Hier:


Not to say she was saying she was the one who wanted

"He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice."

I really don't get why she would say this

I didn't get your first sentence bro. Please rephrase

occfx:


A woman is supposed to help her husband negotiate... African marriage is an over bloated nonsense. Guys should marry according to there pocket abeg

It depends on where you're from. In my place, a woman has no say even her father has no say. The kinsmen and elder brothers are the ones who dictate what should be done. Tradition is tradition. A woman can only negotiate where there's no tradition or in a wait and get marriage. Period!

This MOD sef. Have we not read this story before?

BALLOSKI:
This MOD sef. Have we not read this story before?

Is this only about you and the people who have read it before? What about those seeing it for the first time? Abi you think say na only you dey here?

Give others a chance to also see it. Let other people breath

Jewessgratitud3:


Is this only about you and the people who have read it before? What about those seeing it for the first time? Abi you think say na only you dey here?

Give others a chance to also see it. Let other people breath

lol

We saw it not up to a week ago on this forum.

BALLOSKI:
lol

We saw it not up to a week ago on this forum.

.. funnily enough, I didn't see it o. I for no post am walahi

Anyways, it was worth posting judging from the massive reactions it sparked.

Jewessgratitud3:
.. funnily enough, I didn't see it o. I for no post am walahi

Anyways, it was worth posting judging from the massive reactions it sparked.

Yeah. Your own came with a Facebook source.

https://www.nairaland.com/7796598/new-marriage-crash/6#124994769

BALLOSKI:
Yeah. Your own came with a Facebook source.

https://www.nairaland.com/7796598/new-marriage-crash/6#124994769

Yep.

Ofunaofu:
The man found out that all his efforts does not worth it

Exactly... He found out after all the sacrifices he made, the lady doesn't worth it. She just left the guy to lionic arms of her family without any intervention. She's only interested in a man that will save her from spinsterhood

Jewessgratitud3:


It depends on where you're from. In my place, a woman has no say even her father has no say. The kinsmen and elder brothers are the ones who dictate what should be done. Tradition is tradition. A woman can only negotiate where there's no tradition or in a wait and get marriage. Period!

Bro, those who made those traditions didn't make them with N1000 notes, they didn't know what was small stout or beer but today you hear things like, 10 crates of small stout, 150000 cash, milo and milk, cows etc. How does this equate to the tradition of 1800AD where they use cowrie and palm wine? Lets assume they are measuring it according to the cost then, who measured the value of cowrie and the inflation of then and now. Bro, tradition is not tradition, people make traditions according to the state of things but with corrupt leaders everywhere, you will agree with me that most of the laws, constitutions and traditions we have at the moment were no written with the inspirations of the gods or God.

A lot of things have changed, I urge women to conive with there fathers to make things easier (not easy) for the young man according to his or her pocket. After the wedding comes the marriage and those kinsmen will not be there to help you and beware that Tinubu don't care. If you like go spend all your money on some greedy kinsmen or flanboyant wedding, na two of una go suffer am. Tinubu cannot and will not reduce the price of fuel because of your wedding, thats the bitter truth.

occfx:


Bro, those who made those traditions didn't make them with N1000 notes, they didn't know what was small stout or beer but today you hear things like, 10 crates of small stout, 150000 cash, milo and milk, cows etc. How does this equate to the tradition of 1800AD where they use cowrie and palm wine? Lets assume they are measuring it according to the cost then, who measured the value of cowrie and the inflation of then and now. Bro, tradition is not tradition, people make traditions according to the state of things but with corrupt leaders everywhere, you will agree with me that most of the laws, constitutions and traditions we have at the moment were no written with the inspirations of the gods or God.

A lot of things have changed, I urge women to conive with there fathers to make things easier (not easy) for the young man according to his or her pocket. After the wedding comes the marriage and those kinsmen will not be there to help you and beware that Tinubu don't care. If you like go spend all your money on some greedy kinsmen or flanboyant wedding, na two of una go suffer am. Tinubu cannot and will not reduce the price of fuel because of your wedding, thats the bitter truth.

So you expect them to still be collecting cowries? LoL... The value of things have gone up and those things they collected back then no longer have value now.

The list they gave my elder changed when my twins suitor went to collect their own list. They even wrote upgraded list and this was 8 years ago. we were all laughing that day.

Only God knows how much my own go be when the time comes. LoL..

How will you expect a husband heavily in debt to be happy with you. Call your father that you said cannot back out from his demand to settle the matter.

On the other hand, you blamed your husband for asking for your hand in marriage. Did you tell him how expensive that was going to cost him? Just pray you don't get pregnant because he will not borrow again.

Secondly, you weren't happy he used the word extortion. Who in Nigeria doesn't know that extortion is the order of the day in both traditional marriage and wedding.

My suggestion, find a way to pay off one of the debts and assure him you will be supportive. Make sure you have something to put on the table. If you don't have any paying job or business, join us in Pwan real estate business. Reach me on oazimo@yahoo.com.

saladinnoir:


I didn't get your first sentence bro. Please rephrase

I was quoting the statement below, then I extracted the main quote itself and pasted it. The first paragraph is the same as the second paragraph

Jewessgratitud3:


So you expect them to still be collecting cowries? LoL... The value of things have gone up and those things they collected back then no longer have value now.

The list they gave my elder changed when my twins suitor went to collect their own list. They even wrote upgraded list and this was 8 years ago. we were all laughing that day.

Only God knows how much my own go be when the time comes. LoL..

Na waiting I dey tell you... Have you asked who is the engineer of the list. If the enemy of your family is the village head or at the top, he will impose a list that will suffer you. Your wife should know when it's not normal and help you out. If she is adamant on whatever they say, it's not good.

The loan bothers him much more than the relationship with you right now. You’re married now, how can you come in to get that soughted out if not with that troubling his mind, he might lose focus in his job and lost it. You’ll know your family are really extortioner when things go south.