Negotiation and two kinsmen meeting is what matters in marriage rites,infact it is highly impossible to finish what is in a marriage list

The two families have to disagree to agree,I am from IMO STATE money doesn't even stop a serious man from getting married,u must have to get your kinsmen to dialogue with your in-laws

Touch everything in the list but it mustn't be 100%

I REPEAT GIRLS SHOULD RUN AWAY FROM MEN THAT FROWN AT PAYING PRIDE PRICE....THEIR MARRIAGES DONT LAST

Ofunaofu:
The man found out that all his efforts does not worth it

He felt used paying bride price for a woman who was disvirgined by someone that paid with indomie and Netflix.

abuhusna1:

He felt used paying bride price for a woman who was disvirgined by someone that paid with indomie abd Netflix.

Well as one who suffered that just last December I can relate with how he's feeling.
Good enough my family rallied around for me because it almost got to a point I wanted to call everything off as other families in the place even frowned at how they took advantage of me since I'm not from their place (although I'm from a neighbouring state).
My own shege started from introduction/first visit of my family to theirs and my inlaws insisted I must cook for the visit.
My advice OP is that you continue to be a good wife to him, support him as much as you can, most importantly when you're hurt or angry please don't rush to say anything because it'll bring up this extortion again (and yes it's extortion).
With time the pain will ebb and he'll rather see it as a worthwhile suffering he underwent for a good wife.

P.s. my wife is now maintaining a healthy distance from her family (call me harsh but it's the condition I stipulated before paying all their pages of marriage lists). So your husband deserves kudos for not doing same to you.

Jecci:
Who needs your notice. Like it pays my bills or what.

Thought with age comes reasoning but sadly I can't say the same for you.

Lolz

abuhusna1:

He felt used paying bride price for a woman who was disvirgined by someone that paid with indomie and Netflix.

Chai this one strong o.
Thank God say the guy no dey NL else him for cry blood this night with this comment

Jewessgratitud3:

*From a concerned lady*👇‼️

My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.

My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.

It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.

After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.

My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.

When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.

We had little issue then but he later resolved it.

He brought everything they asked for.

During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.

That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.

I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.

His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.

I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?

I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.

After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.

I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.

Have I said something wrong?

I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.

I am tired, I don't know what to do.

Advise this lady

You have a nice husband your job is to just give him more love everything will be find

Atarakpa:
My dear when he came back from work. Ask him the loan is how much and how much is remaining so far and what are the schedule of payment. And discuss with him on helping out or supporting in payment and you will see the happy hubby

Very wise.
That man is under pressure. A simple man that does within his means, now forced to over do.
Someone that does not take like debt, now forced to take.

Atarakpa:
My dear when he came back from work. Ask him the loan is how much and how much is remaining so far and what are the schedule of payment. And discuss with him on helping out or supporting in payment and you will see the happy hubby

Great response.

GeneralShepherd:
He could have walked away like adult, not getting brow beat into spending an arm and a leg about his means to get married and then sulk like a teenager.

The guy needs to grow up. Go to your father-in-law and demand for some reimbursement

"The guy needs to grow up. Go to your father-in-law and demand for some reimbursement"

For real?

layzie:
What broke the camel's back for me is this statement from our madam

'you are the one that wanted my hand in marriage, and if u cherished me, u would do all they wanted since u re not paying twice'

Chai. Men they see things sha.

Walai.

You have a greedy parents,i swear if it is me i will do more than your husband. You deserve everything you are getting because you and your parents think you can extort the guy all he had laboured for in the name of marriage. Why on earth will you tell your guy that he should do everything your wicked father asked for without minding that he got a loan for you guys wedding.

Babastrong:
Not
me
with
"iron
ball"
i
could
remember
my
own,
they
listed
what
they
wanted
but
i
told
them
openly
that
i
couldn't
avoid
it
and
walk
away.
after
a
week
they
started
calling
that
their
daughter
was
having
depression.
i
told
them
my
capability,
they
agreed
and
we
tied
the
knot.
Today,
we're
happily
married
and
living
happily
with
kids.

Haha I remember one guy own
The wife's people were so demanding

The guy and her people vex go
Say make them chop there daughter

This babe cried and wanted to kill herself
Her had to beg the guy and his people

Everything was settled

tctrills:

Left for people like you, 90% of Nigerians would be single.

Are you sure she is married

Because people like this are very entitled
Entitled people are ungrateful
They are not appreciative

Not good to make spouse

This is a repeated story.

I saw someone saying if you're not earning up to 100k you shouldn't consider Marriage as a man.

The question is, how many Nigerian men earn up to 100k legitimately in this present economy?

Jewessgratitud3:


Apologize for what exactly? For paying for something you wanted?

Maybe the Men should start marrying themselves if they feel spending on marriage is not worth it.

R u a commodity 2 b bought? Then u'll b treated like a commodity. A woman that knows her worth will tell d parents to hell with their exorbitant list. But d simps will even borrow n put d husband in debt just 2 proof a point.

One day wedding. You go and enter debit with interest just for one day event. Court, introduction, engagement church wedding and reception. In all you are burning money.
Asking him his indebtedness and get ready to join him paying back to salvage your marriage. Happy married life

Jewessgratitud3:

*From a concerned lady*👇‼️

My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.

My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.

It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.

After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.

My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.

When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.

We had little issue then but he later resolved it.

He brought everything they asked for.

During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.

That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.

I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.

His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.

I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?

I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.

After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.

I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.

Have I said something wrong?

I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.

I am tired, I don't know what to do.

Advise this lady

Una dey copy Agba DM again.


Idiots

Jewessgratitud3:

*From a concerned lady*👇‼️

My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.

My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.

It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.

After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.

My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.

When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.

We had little issue then but he later resolved it.

He brought everything they asked for.

During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.

That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.

I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.

His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.

I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?

I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.

After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.

I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.

Have I said something wrong?

I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.

I am tired, I don't know what to do.

Advise this lady

Bible said wisdom is profitable to direct. You women run your mouth faster than your brain, when he complained of you not fighting for him and your family extorting him, you should have use your brain to know that the loan is choking and giving him sleepless night and then look for a way to encourage and lift his spirit back. Using sweet words like honey you know this marriage is for us and our unborn kids, we are in this together, pls don't feel like I abandoned you or I didn't fight for you, everything you paid for on that list is the necessary thing any man looking for a woman's hand in marriage must pay for in our place. Using such word like extortion for my parents is not good , this is us we are talking about here, the love we share and family we are about to create, pls forget about the marriage rites you paid for is all in the past let's focus on the future. Concerning the loan, we will look for a way to settle it, God will definitely provide for us and all will be stories. Pls stop avoiding me ,let's return to our normal way of discussion so our room can be lively. After that rob his head and give him virgina to cool his nerves, also prepare sweet food for him to eat after the snacking.


Come and thank me later.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

You said it all

budaatum:


I'm afraid I must agree with him that you supported your parents and not your future husband, though I understand how you might not have since you think loving you is shown by how much he pays for you.

Now he's paying loan for buying you and likely feels it when money he should be using to form home with you is being used to pay a loan used to buy you.

Help him pay off the loan, is what I suggest, then he might likely return to being the man you married before you let your parents put him in debt.

And try to let your parents know you are not a goat they sell in the market!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

You said it all

budaatum:


I'm afraid I must agree with him that you supported your parents and not your future husband, though I understand how you might not have since you think loving you is shown by how much he pays for you.

Now he's paying loan for buying you and likely feels it when money he should be using to form home with you is being used to pay a loan used to buy you.

Help him pay off the loan, is what I suggest, then he might likely return to being the man you married before you let your parents put him in debt.

And try to let your parents know you are not a goat they sell in the market!

@OP,

You need to give him worth of what he expended emotionally. if he is not getting that value, there could be problem.
At this point, he has entered. It is now left to you to give impression as to whether he entered 'one chance' or 'paradise.
If you provoke him......
Proverbs 14 : 1 is my advice for you.
Shalom.

If this is truely the problem, the man won't have continued with the marriage...let the her father marry his daughter.

He would have gone to look for another lady, the man that can be supportive of her husband. No make beauty kill you there

007kjb:
Negotiation and two kinsmen meeting is what matters in marriage rites,infact it is highly impossible to finish what is in a marriage list

The two families have to disagree to agree,I am from IMO STATE money doesn't even stop a serious man from getting married,u must have to get your kinsmen to dialogue with your in-laws

Touch everything in the list but it mustn't be 100%

I REPEAT GIRLS SHOULD RUN AWAY FROM MEN THAT FROWN AT PAYING PRIDE PRICE....THEIR MARRIAGES DONT LAST

Stop talking as of you dont know things are hard.

mask3:
I personally blame him for still going ahead to marry her.

I agree

Jewessgratitud3:
Guys, marriage is not chere wereh. Be financially prepared when planning a wedding and stop making the woman feel bad at the end of the day like she caused your downfall.

You are the one who went for her hand in marriage so you should be very ready on all levels to go through with it and provide all that is required in the list and for the ceremony. This why I said some time ago that a guy earning 100k can not get married and many came for me. You will end up borrowing at one point or the other.


Why he's ignoring the lady in the new marriage now is what I don't get. Dem force am? Biko kwa. Make una dey hold enough before talking about marriage and wedding ceremony.

A lot of things in wedding preparation are overated and not worth it. Why buy a cow and rent a big hall? When someone else can have a wedding of 50 guest and it's awesome.

The guy is entitled to his reaction as we all react differently.

First of all, family have little or no say in white wedding because they won't be responsible for most things on that day. What he owes the family is her traditional wedding and traditional rites. If it is a traditional rite for him to buy a cow, then that's fine by me. But if the cow was to make the occasion blossom, why impose it on the poor guy? Women prepare for wedding and ignore the marriage. Her papa no send them now if they no de see food chop because of huge loan repayment. Women will never learn. It's not generic though. Some women are different. Even though they are few.

She should be patient with him. He will heal and be fine afterwards. That's his own may of reacting to all what he has been made.to undergo.

I kuku de ask questions before I shook head. Before I shook head now they come tell me to bring trailer load of yam.

Jewessgratitud3:


In my place, the kins men and the father's elder brother have the final say. My dad was the last born and at the age of 60 Dem no born am well to say no to his immediate elder brother and kinsmen when my elder sisters had their marriage. With abeg self, Dem no gree. When the in-laws saw that my dad was helpless they had to comply.

I even thought it's because he didn't grow up in the village with them and lived all his life in Lagos they treated him like that but he himself confirmed that it was omelala.

Am speechless 😶😶😶

Ofunaofu:
The man found out that all his efforts does not worth it

After the wedding night. My guy head reset

I don't think it's because he's incapable. The man must have slept over and thought through all that transpired and just feel bad that he had the opportunity to change it and walk away from all of it at the incipient stage. Now, he is stuck with people who don't like him one bit as in-laws and wife. People who think more of what people would say about their integrity and appearance, than actual wellbeing and happiness of their home.

For the bride price payment, he had no reason to get upset as that is custom and the least that is expected. He could choose to proceed or not. He chose to proceed and made all necessary obligations. That is fine.

However, for the parents and family of the girl to still want to dictate how he should plan his own wedding is where the problem is. That was overbearing from the parents of the bride. And the bride, her response and thought process simply shows how she was brought up, or perhaps how unprepared for marriage she is. If she couldn't understand her to be husband on simple home independence nor financial planning, then she has no business seeking to get married. She can remain in her parents paradise or the illusion that the world must revolve around her just to be hailed by her friends and family. Such a kid!

Jewessgratitud3:


Is it easy to find a good girl to marry that he'll just switch overnight like that?

Fact still remains, if he was capable, all that wouldn't be an issue to make a big deal. He's overflooding the matter.

Jewessgratitud3:

*From a concerned lady*👇‼️

My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.

My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.

It's not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.

After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don't know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.

My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.

When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won't collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.

We had little issue then but he later resolved it.

He brought everything they asked for.

During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they'll take care of other things. He said he didn't have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.

That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won't back out.

I didn't know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.

His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.

I don't know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.

He said I couldn't fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?

I got angry because he used the word 'extorting'.

He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.

After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.

I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.

Have I said something wrong?

I don't like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.

I am tired, I don't know what to do.

Advise this lady

Soft words turn away anger. Let your words always be with grace, seasoned with salt that you may be able to answer all men. Please, apologize to your husband. Have soft words. Love him, support him without condition. Ask him to forgive you on your knees. Invite God into lives and home and you will be fine

djon78:


Are you sure she is married

Because people like this are very entitled
Entitled people are ungrateful
They are not appreciative

Not good to make spouse

The problem is that many men aren't wise and occasionally, one of them would end up with a woman like her