₦airaland Forum

Please accept my heartfelt sympathy. I truly feel your husband could be doing more in the situation particularly with helping out at home but let's assume he's depressed. Now, why do you feel hes reluctant about getting a new job? Cos Nigeria is not really swimming with jobs. You need to get family involved and try to be emotionally composed if you intend to stay married cos he's always gonna paint himself as a victim once you overreact. Can he drive uber? Are there hustling jobs you can point him in the direction of? In all, the safety of you and the children whose paternity hes contesting come first. God blessss

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

Okay.

Omoawoke:
Where’s your husband. You think boyfriend is same as having a husband.

Kobojunkie:
So why exactly do you feel guilty for having him arrested for 2 days? Would this all had gone better if he had taken to smashing your head after smashing everything else?

Now that you are obviously aware the man has taken to acting out violently, don't you think it makes sense at this point to distance yourself and your kids from him instead of worrying whether he is in speaking terms and if he has eaten or not? Please, separate yourself from that man asap. The space might do him a whole hell of good..

Kobojunkie:
OP, you did nothing wrong and so have no reason to feel guilty at all. He attacked and you had to defend yourself the best way you know to. He needs to process what he did and what resulted in order to realize how far he has fallen. Will he get back up and become the husband you once loved? That all depends on how he manages his ego, and it is not for you to help him with it. He needs to grow with this experience, on his own. Else, you will continue to manage his tantrums and attitude for a long time to come. I wouldn't wish such a thing on anyone.

Thanks so much for this

You have different thinking with him at this moment'' you didn't do it because he is broke'' but i can bet with my babe left breast' it is the only thing disturbing his mind for now'' the poor man don't think like the average man and the average man don't think like the rich'' your husband is depressed' but i don't like when men beat women.
Though u are trying two years is alot of money spent''

Verokeena:
This your comment is really unfair...

This has nothing to do with his financial status.. for two years i tried everything within my strength to make him not feel like he was jobless.. at a point i connected him to a job but he turned it down cos he feels that position is too low for him..



But thanks for your contributions

talented321:
Beating u up is a big time fuckup'' but you arrest him because u are doing better than him' if not there would have been another method to settle the issue''

Your husband don't have work at the moment and he is traumatized' it is not easy for a man who was once feeding the family and having some cash to spend to depend on a woman for survival''

Your husband may forgive u but i don't think he will forget the incident in a hurry' because it sound like an oppression to him''

You are in best position to arrange ur house''
Something might be right in ur hand but depend on the action u take, you will be blamed at the end'''

... So, she was wrong to lock up her husband after all the distructive things the man did to her ?

@Op, brace up yourself jor, you didn't harm him by locking him up, you did that to put him in check. No let the man kill you for nothing.

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

YOU JUMPED THE TRUTH, BECAUSE HE WAS JOBLESS YOU STARTED REFUSING HIM SEX; THAT'S WHAT LED TO THE DRINKING AND ERRATIC BEHAVIOUR. THIS IS THE MISTAKE 90% OF LADIES MAKE.

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

From the bolded, it seems you’ve been sex starving your husband and that is what led to the fracas.

This matter tie wrapper but my advice is that whatever the case may be, prioritize your safety. If the marriage ain’t working, try separation.

eniolorunfe:
From the bolded, it seems you’ve been sex starving your husband and that is what led to the fracas. This matter tie wrapper but my advice is that whatever the case may be, prioritize your safety. If the marriage ain’t working, try separation.

Verokeena, please disregard such riffraff comments as the above in bold abeg, make you no go turn this thread into another trash collection on Nairaland.

UnfairLife7:
The man deserves more than that. He has been without job for 2 years and all he could do was to drink, smoke, destroy his wife stuff and even went as far as hitting her.

I am a man and i will keep saying it, we men can't take half of what we dish out to women.

These same men cannot try all these nonesense in developed countries. Naija na shithole truly. Too many things wrong about the country

THE SAME DEVELOPED COUNTRIES THAT YOU CAN'T TELL WHO'S A MALE OR FEMALE ON THE STREETS, ABEG SPARE US THAT NEOCOLONIAL THINKING. DO YOU KNOW THAT IN AMERICA ABOUT FIFTY WOMEN ARE SHOT AND KILLED MONTHLY BY THEIR HUSBANDS, BECAUSE OF THE STUPID LAWS THAT HAS MADE THEM HEADY.

Dogalmighty17:
You arrested and lucked up your husband for 2 days? No one is dumb here ma. No right thinking woman just suddenly locks up her husband. Was there food in the kitchen for him when he came home? Did you cook for yourself and just the children?

There are other crises resolution and mediation channels available to resolve issues within spouses. Did you explore any of them?

You most probably had nurtured this thought of locking your husband up for a while. You also most probably have mocked him in your actions and your words.

Madam, you don buy market o! I assure you of this, your husband will never forgive you. The day that man gets a job and finds his feet you will be the one begging for divorce.

I am not making excuses for him. Your husband is going through serious depression. No man wants to not be able to provide for his family. The present economy doesn't help at all. You could have handled the situation better.

shut up

capnies:
THE SAME DEVELOPED COUNTRIES THAT YOU CAN'T TELL WHO'S A MALE OR FEMALE ON THE STREETS, ABEG SPARE US THAT NEOCOLONIAL THINKING. DO YOU KNOW THAT IN AMERICA ABOUT FIFTY WOMEN ARE SHOT AND KILLED MONTHLY BY THEIR HUSBANDS, BECAUSE OF THE STUPID LAWS THAT HAS MADE THEM HEADY.

yet your corrupt leaders will do everything to have vacation, healthcare, their businesses, properties, education for their kids in the same country. Your corrupt leaders that has stolen your future and that of your unborn kids will do everything within their power to have their passport for themselves and kids.

99% of Nigerians will chose the country passport over your 4th world country. Whereas reverse is the case for citizens of the country to your retrogressive country

Isn't that enough evidence to you and your fellow Emilokan/RONU that the so called country is like heaven to your shithole country?

Samantha124:
Well, what he did was unlawful and if you ask me, you did the right thing by getting him arrested.

Let it be a warning to him that next time you wouldn't be lenient on him.... You can apologize to him for getting him arrested, but let him know that you don't appreciate what he did to you and you're not going to stand for it if he continues with his behavior.

It's not your fault that he lost his job and can't find another one.

are you married?

UnfairLife7:
yet your corrupt leaders will do everything to have vacation, healthcare, their businesses, properties, education for their kids in the same country. Your corrupt leaders that has stolen your future and that of your unborn kids will do everything within their power to have their passport for themselves and kids.

99% of Nigerians will chose the country passport over your 4th world country. Whereas reverse is the case for citizens of the country to your retrogressive country

Isn't that enough evidence to you and your fellow Emilokan/RONU that the so called country is like heaven to your shithole country?

YES I LIKE THE ADJECTIVE CORRUPT, THIS SAME PEOPLE THINK LIKE YOU, DEVELOPED COUNTRIES, WITH ALL THE VICES UNIMAGINABLE SINCE MAN STEPPED FOOT ON THIS PLANET. ARE YOU NOT SEEING PICTURES OF YOUR LIKE JOINING THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY JUST TO BELONG. THE WEST CAN NEVER BE A STANDARD TO ANY WELL THINKING HUMAN AT PRESENT

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

The moment that you brought in other men to overpower your husband in his own house, your marriage was irreversably destroyed. What you did was even worse than keeping other men as boyfriends, in his eyes, and trust me, cry all you want but he will never forgive you. Your only option now is to move back to your Fathers' house.

Verokeena:
This your comment is really unfair...

This has nothing to do with his financial status.. for two years i tried everything within my strength to make him not feel like he was jobless.. at a point i connected him to a job but he turned it down cos he feels that position is too low for him..



But thanks for your contributions

Unfortunately you don't know how a man is wired!

You have bruised his ego by showing you have power more than him!

Imagine he were a billionaire dishing out millions to you monthly, would you call the police on him for what he did or find a better way to resolve the matter?

You can call the police on your husband/wife only when you are absolutely sure you want to leave them and that you don't want any opportunity for peace!

You have lost your hubby dear sis! Even if he is there with you, he is long gone!

It doesn't matter.

Is breaking things in the house and beating up your wife lawful?

darealez:
are you married?

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

Every action has a reaction. He beat you, you reacted by arresting him. He's reacting to the arrest, and you will have to react to his reaction. Sounds like the beginning of Armageddon but I honestly wish your home well.

Just to state the probable.., if he gets a good job today, he's likely gone forever.

You should talk to a counselor...and if you're a Christian, I'm open to introducing you to my counselor.

darealez:
Every action has a reaction. He beat you, you reacted by arresting him. He's reacting to the arrest, and you will have to react to his reaction. Sounds like the beginning of Armageddon but I honestly wish your home well.

Just to state the probable.., if he gets a good job today, he's likely gone forever.

You should talk to a counselor...and if you're a Christian, I'm open to introducing you to my counselor.

You said it all.

Samantha124:
It doesn't matter.

Is breaking things in the house and beating up your wife lawful?

I only sought to know, as I am well aware experience is a great teacher.

Verokeena:
Thanks so much for this

What are you thanking her for? Trust me, the likes of KoboJunkie or whatever her name is would be the last sort of people to be taking advice from. You will need to move back home with your Father and give some space, all that while, hoping that he gets his act together and accepts you back, but trust me, that one incident of you calling in armed policemen to manhandle your own husband will be the bane of your marriage for as long as it lasts. If you are a wise woman, you will devise ways to compensate for his eternal resentment of you, for the sake of your children.

capnies:
YES I LIKE THE ADJECTIVE CORRUPT, THIS SAME PEOPLE THINK LIKE YOU, DEVELOPED COUNTRIES, WITH ALL THE VICES UNIMAGINABLE SINCE MAN STEPPED FOOT ON THIS PLANET. ARE YOU NOT SEEING PICTURES OF YOUR LIKE JOINING THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY JUST TO BELONG. THE WEST CAN NEVER BE A STANDARD TO ANY WELL THINKING HUMAN AT PRESENT

Your Emilokan is a puppet to the west. The West cannot be a standard but keep progressing while your shithole country keep retrogressing. Your country top the ladder of poverty and unemployed graduates. Your people in Nigeria cannot afford food anymore. After school, your youths are either jobless, underemployed or indulge in cyber fraud. Don't worry you will soon buy a bag of rice 60k before Xmas. The countries you think are bad are mile ahead your shithole country.

All your leaders, past and present beg to have their passport. 99.9% Nigerians wouldn't think twice to denounce your weak passport over the country passport

Oblongata:
Unfortunately you don't know how a man is wired!

You have bruised his ego by showing you have power more than him!

Imagine he were a billionaire dishing out millions to you monthly, would you call the police on him for what he did or find a better way to resolve the matter?

You can call the police on your husband/wife only when you are absolutely sure you want to leave them and that you don't want any opportunity for peace!

You have lost your hubby dear sis! Even if he is there with you, he is long gone!

rather put, the man has lost a precious woman who fed him for two years without his penny. Even if the man become billionaire today he can't find someone like Op.

What is unlawful is unlawful, it doesn't matter whether you're married or not.

I once got my sister arrested for laying her hands on me because I told her the bitter truth.

And I didn't do it because I hated her or something like that, I don't believe in using violence to solve minor issues... In fact, I hate unnecessary violence.. She later acknowledged her mistakes and apologized to me and we're now good sisters.

The husband also needs to acknowledge his mistakes and apologise to his wife, he should also help with house chores since the wife is the one going out there and bringing in money into the house so as to cover his shame.

Some women would've left him long time ago, but this woman stood by him for the past two years and even now she's still standing by his side.

darealez:
I only sought to know, as I am well aware experience is a great teacher.

UnfairLife7:
rather put, the man has lost a precious woman who fed him for two years without his penny. Even if the man become billionaire today he can't find someone like Op.

It is easy to tell who is married and who is not from comments..

Dogalmighty17:
You arrested and lucked up your husband for 2 days? No one is dumb here ma. No right thinking woman just suddenly locks up her husband. Was there food in the kitchen for him when he came home? Did you cook for yourself and just the children?

There are other crises resolution and mediation channels available to resolve issues within spouses. Did you explore any of them?

You most probably had nurtured this thought of locking your husband up for a while. You also most probably have mocked him in your actions and your words.

Madam, you don buy market o! I assure you of this, your husband will never forgive you. The day that man gets a job and finds his feet you will be the one begging for divorce.

I am not making excuses for him. Your husband is going through serious depression. No man wants to not be able to provide for his family. The present economy doesn't help at all. You could have handled the situation better.

Do some of you even have brains here?
So you just jumped over the fact that he beat her , right?

darealez:
Every action has a reaction. He beat you, you reacted by arresting him. He's reacting to the arrest, and you will have to react to his reaction. Sounds like the beginning of Armageddon but I honestly wish your home well.
Just to state the probable.., if he gets a good job today, he's likely gone forever.
You should talk to a counselor...and if you're a Christian, I'm open to introducing you to my counselor.

There is nothing Christian about any of what OP reveals she has been dealing with though so why suggest you forego a professional counselor for a supposedly "Christian" one?

Verokeena:
I have never ever nortured such thought.. I have endured countless insults and provocations..

What else could I have done.. ? Like I said I regret my actions but I just wished he had never touched me or raising his hands to the kids.. saying he doesn't even know if the kids were his.. since he lost his job it has been one issue to another.. but I try to see through his eyes .. to understand what he is going through..

I do not have excuse for my actions.. I just need a solution

Thanks for your contributions anyways

You husband might be going through things but that doesn't mean he should become abusive, he should even be the one apologizing.
If you can't live with him anymore you should consider divorce

Oblongata:
It is easy to tell who is married and who is not from comments..

what is there again sir? You said she has lost her hubby isn't it? And i am telling you Op hubby lost his precious wife instead. A woman who fed him for 2 years without his penny. You still have the efrontry to destroy properties in the house and hit his wife. What do you expect the woman to do please? Allow him disfigure her face like you lots do to an average Naija woman?

lebron7:
■ You husband might be going through things but that doesn't mean he should become abusive, he should even be the one apologizing. If you can't live with him anymore you should consider divorce

Exactly!

capnies:
THE SAME DEVELOPED COUNTRIES THAT YOU CAN'T TELL WHO'S A MALE OR FEMALE ON THE STREETS, ABEG SPARE US THAT NEOCOLONIAL THINKING. DO YOU KNOW THAT IN AMERICA ABOUT FIFTY WOMEN ARE SHOT AND KILLED MONTHLY BY THEIR HUSBANDS, BECAUSE OF THE STUPID LAWS THAT HAS MADE THEM HEADY.

Your reasoning is scary
People like you should not be allowed to have children you would infect with this cancerous mentality

lebron7:
Do some of you even have brains here?
So you just jumped over the fact that he beat her , right?

Watch how some Men blame Op for her action. They prefer she allow him disfigure her face and body like they do to their wives at home. They don't see it as crime. It's a norms to them

Cc: obligate
Capnies

Persephone1:
May we not marry a boy man

Dear Op, my people have an adage it is: Aiki lo kabo ile ejo , ka tun sore. It means we don't come back from court to become friends. Arresting your husband may be right or wrong but what happens when he is released?
If you were arrested as a wife, will you be happy with your husband and let everything go back to normal when you are released?
Especially in this part of the world.

If you still want a happy marriage after a dispute, police station should not be an option. In the sight of the law, you are right but culturally you are not.

Get elders to speak to him, I hope he listens. May God help you. This matter deep i can't think straight self

You are reasonable
Mature
Wise and intelligent
Nice submission