₦airaland Forum

Verokeena:
It was more of a warning to him.. I didn't neglect him there.. he had access to his phone.. even though as first he wasn't taking my call but I kept texting him..

Now the thing is he was supposed to come out the next day but he refused. Said since I placed him there he'd wish to die there(emotional blackmail if you ask me)

I had to go with his friends to beg him the next day..

I don’t understand why you are begging!

Kobojunkiee:
So, the same marriage can continue even after the man violently assaults the woman. But the moment a woman — or even the same woman decides she has had enough — and calls the cops to rescue her from her bully, there is no longer hope for the marriage. I don't know about you but that clearly reveals a problem in the mentality of individuals. Do you not see it?

Did u ever see me support domestic violence? Stop being emotional here.If Ur husband calls police on you no matter wat u did to him will u still live with him? Someone suggested she should have maybe take the kids and stayed with a relative or friend till the matter is settled.My ex who is married with 4 kids had similar issues,she took the kids and went back to her parents house.The husband later went there and apologized and assured his in-laws that nothing of such would repeat it's self.If u really want a marriage against all odds,u must be prepared to solve problems with wisdom not with police.Abeg have sense biko

Verokeena:
I have never ever nortured such thought.. I have endured countless insults and provocations..

What else could I have done.. ? Like I said I regret my actions but I just wished he had never touched me or raising his hands to the kids.. saying he doesn't even know if the kids were his.. since he lost his job it has been one issue to another.. but I try to see through his eyes .. to understand what he is going through..

I do not have excuse for my actions.. I just need a solution

Thanks for your contributions anyways

lol lol lol 😂 u arrested your husband. Lol lol sorry madam .

So what? We're talking about an ungrateful husband beating up his wife and you're deviating from the topic by bring up things that do not correlate with the discussion at hand.

If you have nothing more to say, go to sleep.

Styluss:
CRIME

No, thank you.

Styluss:
Can we go off Nairaland, this quotes and quotes is tiring, maybe telegram that is as anonymous as here

The values that makes you understand that respect is important, and divorce isnt the best. It should only be the last resolution after other diplomatic methods fails,

Samantha124:
Okay, so tell me about those socio-cultural values.

Alright

Samantha124:
No, thank you.

But is the husband respecting the wife?

Styluss:
The values that makes you understand that respect is important, and divorce isnt the best. It should only be the last resolution after other diplomatic methods fails,

Lol, I'm not in Nigeria dear, not sleeping soon

SAfricans are thesame, I misunderstood my Babe honestly. You are exactly like her, very spontaneous, then come back apologizing and highly unforgiving.

Samantha124:
So what? We're talking about an ungrateful husband beating up his wife and you're deviating from the topic by bring up things that do not correlate with the discussion at hand.

If you have nothing more to say, go to sleep.

Samidecking717:
This issue at hand has gone soar,@op you can never turn back the hand's of time.
The damage has been done, if your mother in-law is still alive and you are in good terms with her and your husband siblings(f) take yourself and your kids to beg them for forgiveness.i guess he has not discuss these issue with his family and please note that your marriage can never be the same again with or without job.

wisdom .

And how does this correlates with the discussion?

Styluss:
Lol, I'm not in Nigeria dear, not sleeping soon

SAfricans are thesame, I misunderstood my Babe honestly. You are exactly like her, very spontaneous, then come back apologizing and highly unforgiving.

Would she have reported if the husband was the breadwinner? If the husband was the provider, wouldnt she find other alternatives to sort it. I am not even against reporting, I am against locking him up. Police engage in conflict resolutions, a severe warning where undertaking will be signed without anyone being locked up.
going to prison will make it worse, an indirect way to sign your divorce papers. Thats an eternal social stigma.

Samantha124:
But is the husband respecting the wife?

You're not answering my question.

Styluss:
Would she have reported if the husband was the breadwinner? If the husband was the provider, wouldnt she find other alternatives to sort it. I am not even against reporting, I am against locking him up. Police engage in conflict resolutions, a severe warning where undertaking will be signed without anyone being locked up.
going to prison will make it worse

thesicilian:
A man can feed his family for years and no one will hear about it. He's often proud to bear the responsibility. But the moment a woman starts bearing the responsibility, all hell must break loose, sooner or later

I am a man. I understand bearing responsibility but I think this is just out of context. The lady stated what happened. Was it her fault the husband lost the job? Is the husband’s act justifiable? So he has all the right to drink and beat her and all that. She shouldn’t talk?

Samantha124:
So what? We're talking about an ungrateful husband beating up his wife and you're deviating from the topic by bring up things that do not correlate with the discussion at hand.

If you have nothing more to say, go to sleep.

I've been reading your comments...

People like you make bad wives. You probably lack empathy, understanding and communicative skills. I'm very sure you aren't married or not in any significant relationship. Not that I support gender based violence of any sort but your response reeks of mental immaturity...

Things can be resolved with dialogue... Grow up

Verysmart101:
■ Did u ever see me support domestic violence? Stop being emotional here. If Ur husband calls police on you no matter wat u did to him will u still live with him? Someone suggested she should have maybe take the kids and stayed with a relative or friend till the matter is settled. My ex who is married with 4 kids had similar issues,she took the kids and went back to her parents house. The husband later went there and apologized and assured his in-laws that nothing of such would repeat it's self. If u really want a marriage against all odds,u must be prepared to solve problems with wisdom not with police.Abeg have sense biko

There are many marriages world over that have recovered successfully after even such an intervention by the cops. But here you seem to think it impossible because of some stories you have heard or experienced in your own life. How come? Last I checked, it takes two — not culture or society — to make a marriage work. OP wants to try resolving her marriage even after this. Her husband may decide in the near future to get back his marriage. Why do you think or feel your culture should play a role in deciding for them what they can or cannot have in their marriage?

Verokeena:
Thanks so much for this

Oh. It's the validation you were seeking, bringing up this post.

The poor man deserves breathing space from you. He'll be fine.

Persephone1:
May we not marry a boy man

Dear Op, my people have an adage it is: Aiki lo kabo ile ejo , ka tun sore. It means we don't come back from court to become friends. Arresting your husband may be right or wrong but what happens when he is released?
If you were arrested as a wife, will you be happy with your husband and let everything go back to normal when you are released?
Especially in this part of the world.

If you still want a happy marriage after a dispute, police station should not be an option. In the sight of the law, you are right but culturally you are not.

Get elders to speak to him, I hope he listens. May God help you. This matter deep i can't think straight self

Exactly
Plus the man is frustrated. Men, knowing to run the family as nature has placed it, not having a job is a big hit. Imagine a single man without a job, how angry and traumatised he becomes. Then this with a whole family to care for and not able to?? Don't be surprised she might just wake up one day and find him dead( suicide).

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

I strongly condemn the act of physical abuse but you did something wrong which I must tell you. You technically skipped the reason why he reacted the way he did. You failed to keep dinner for him and that's very wrong. Even your parents will blame you for that. A lot of water has passed under the bridge but I suggest you get your parents involved to address issues with him else, one day he will do something terrible to you if he remembers what you did to him. You have reduced him completely before his friends and so damaging to his personality. May God help your family

I will grow up only if you man up..😂😂😂

superemmy:
I've been reading your comments...

People like you make bad wives. You probably lack empathy, understanding and communicative skills. I'm very sure you aren't married or not in any significant relationship. Not that I support gender based violence of any sort but your response reeks of mental immaturity...

Things can be resolved with dialogue... Grow up

kellyaa:
I will be very honest and blunt with you. You failed, you caused your predicament, your marriage is gone for good. (otilor).

You felt incharge because you started catering for the family 2 years ago, so you would go out and come back late whenever you wanted and you felt your husband was not important and you never owed him any explanation for your actions. You started comparing him to his mates that probably were telling you lies just to get under your panties. You started committing adultery (especially office romance) and denied your husband sex severally. Trust me, a married woman only behaves a-such when she starts having sex outside and therefore seeing her husband to be nothing. Mind you women are not wired to cheat. Therefore, once she starts cheating, the love, respect and submission she had for husband shifts to her new found love thereby making her see her husband as worthless and building hatred for him.

You rushed to NL to seek validation for your action further going to create another thread on divorce. Madam, you had this all calculated out and you are not sure if the guy who is fucking you now may be consistent if you leave your husband. You are just acting in fear.

If you want to know how I have been able to pick the disconnect in this your story then send me a DM. We will have a constructive conversation, I will ask you all the tough questions if you provide honest answers to them then I will tell you the solution to your problem that is if there is still room for it.

1. Why was your phone smashed. What did you do that led to this?
2. Why was he challenging the paternity of his children? You obviously have him a reason to.
3. You sounded so holy in this story. You never reacted.
4. You cooked food for only you and your children and left the foolish jobless man to die of hunger.
5. What businesses or jobs did you recommend for him? Obviously those that made you be lord over him. (Her majesty)
6. You left your husband at his lowest moment. Did you for one day sit him down and take sense into him and made him understand that his children are seeing his drunken behaviour and would take after him?
7. You never gave him peace of mind thats why he took succor to alcohol.

Finally, while I condemn his being violent with you, believe me you provoked it, A man fights his equal but fears the one above him and expects submission from those below him. The time you made yourself look equal with your husband you brought out the beast in him.

Peace.

Women are always the victims and men Predators.

shantti:
In reality she no go get mind
Forget social media

That's her cup of tea.
I only said my mind

UnfairLife7:
rather put, the man has lost a precious woman who fed him for two years without his penny. Even if the man become billionaire today he can't find someone like Op.

So why is she the one crying out?

She could have been there for those two years, yet 'still not be there'.

Samantha124:
What is unlawful is unlawful, it doesn't matter whether you're married or not.

I once got my sister arrested for laying her hands on me because I told her the bitter truth.

And I didn't do it because I hated her or something like that, I don't believe in using violence to solve minor issues... In fact, I hate unnecessary violence.. She later acknowledged her mistakes and apologized to me and we're now good sisters.

The husband also needs to acknowledge his mistakes and apologise to his wife, he should also help with house chores since the wife is the one going out there and bringing in money into the house so as to cover his shame.

Some women would've left him long time ago, but this woman stood by him for the past two years and even now she's still standing by his side.

What if she was looking away while standing by him?

Samantha124:
You're not answering my question.

what's the question again

Go check it... I can't keep repeating myself over and over again.

Styluss:
what's the question again

Samantha124:
I will grow up only if you man up..😂😂😂

Truly, I can see that I'm conversing with a Child. If I were to guess maybe early 20s.

Sooner or later you will learn growing up mentally is inevitable...

It doesn't matter, he laid his hands on her.

He could've left her if he feels like she's no longer good enough for him.

Luckysbab:
What if she was looking away while standing by him?

Samantha124:
He humiliated himself by not helping his wife around with house chores since he's not working.

His wife has to go to work every day so that bills can be paid and she still has to take care of the kids after picking them from school... On top of that you still expect her to cook for a childish man that's wasting the little money his wife has been giving him so that he doesn't have to feel less of a man.

What was the man doing throughout the day when his wife was at work? Why didn't he cook? Do you think his wife is also not depressed from tolerating a childish man that's just spending the money she gives him on alcohol?

Respect is earned.

I blame him for hanging around the house. He should have taking a vacation from madam bread winner's house.

And I can see that I'm coversing with a woman beater, sooner or later you will learn manning up mentally is inevitable too...😂😂😂

superemmy:
Truly, I can see that I'm conversing with a Child. If I were to guess maybe early 20s.

Sooner or later you will learn growing up mentally is inevitable...

Samantha124:
It doesn't matter, he laid his hands on her.

He could've left her if he feels like she's no longer good enough for him.

So why is she still interested in staying on with him, if it is as she painted it?

Most of you are fond of putting out only the half truths.

Persephone1:
Women really do not have it easy in Nigerian marriages. They have to prioritize their marriages over their values, truths ,identities etc. It's just too much and when a woman ends up with a bad man? Hell!
What op is going through now is "Justice versus Culture" believe me it can be really crazy.

It hurts me that a virtuous woman whohad tried all to make her marriage work has to lose it all because she decided to stand up for herself in the right way.

Of course what her husband did was bad, if he were to be just an ordinary man out there or that she is no longer interested in the marriage, I'd be rooting for her. But she still wants the marriage, that's where the issue is. Pulling the stunt she pulled is one of the 1000 ways to end a marriage in Nigeria. I hope and pray her husband has a change of heart.

No, I hope he walks away, since he's been much of a burden the last two years. He desrves a breath of fresh air, a new perspective.


You see we are both rooting for the woman, abi?