₦airaland Forum

EvangelistChuks:
■ I don’t know if you are born again? If yes ,ask God for Grace to carry this cross and I assure you that there is nothing too hard for Him to do(for no temptation greater than us will He allow come to us-1corinth.10:13) The heart of All beings are in the hand of God and as rivers of waters ,He turns it withersoever He desires.We are clays in His and so is your husband.And as you go about trusting God,never I repeat never jettison your responsibilities to him as a wife cos it’s only when your obedience is complete can you command the obedience of God.Also remember that DIVORCE is not an option for a child of God-yes don’t mind what some pastors tell you-God said I hate divorce(mal.2:16). So for now.

OP, please avoid bullsheet such as this here. It has nothing to do with the teachings and commandments of Jesus Christ.

For instance, this commenter claims.that your cross is this man and his gambling addiction. But what Jesus Christ instead said of the cross you are in fact to bear is that it was given to you the moment you accepted Him .I.e. when you become born-again. The same Jesus Christ is written to have made clear that your marriage is of the world of men and not of the Kingdom of God. So, you see how your husband and marriage could never qualify as the cross that was given to you by God when you accepted Jesus Christ.

People like this poster here are blind but in their arrogance they spread their ignorance in order that orders may be just as blind.

slimmax:
Men… for peace of mind, once you cant provide tell the woman to go. End of long tory

Right... but easier said than done. Who'd pay the bills and help with the kids?

I really pity your condition ma.

But to be sincere most of you women are really trying and I give you kudos.

I and my wife separated due to my joblessness and she have been the one taking care of our two boys. I only assist whenever am financially okay.

Am not even happy because of this, am thinking of taking my wife back.

Please how were you able to finally stop? Please help me!

gentlesmithugo:
Gambling addiction is the worst thing that can ever happen to any man.u will feel like u are trapped,with no help forth coming.dear sis I must be honest I feel ur pain.i was once a gambler though am not married.but even as a single guy,gamble did me shege.infact I stopped gambling since last year by God's grace but have not recovered yet from the financial strain it caused me.firstly,it takes a very determined man to stop gambling.if he is not determine to stop it,then u r wasting ur time trying to help him.i pray that God will send u help and I also pray ur husband quit gambling.

The creation doing what they know how to, only best. Latch on to unsuspecting women, and drain their life force. Very self-centered entities. OP, pele. God will strengthen you, whatever choice you take.

I have a reason to believe I am possessed too, please pray for me!

gazilion:
Your husband is possessed with the demon of Gambling. He needs deliverance! Can I pray for him??

Solid response. I believe he has learnt they are entirely different from gambling.

Procashtips:
So people who went to the university to become stock traders are gamblers?

People who went to the university to study weather forecast are gamblers?

Prophets (seers) are gamblers?

Traders who risk money to buy and sell to make money are what since gambling to you is about risking money to make money?

Is there anything you're not risking something to achieve in this life if this is your definition of gambling?

Economics graduates who use economic data and indices to forecast boom or doom for companies, businesses and even countries are gamblers?

An entrepreneur who create products with the hope that there's going to be demands for these products based on market research and forecast is a gambler?

Even you who went to bed with the speculation that you'll wake up the next day is a gambler?

Big companies (Dangote, MTN, Accessbank, JB, Dowjones etc) listing their market value shares on the stock exchange for speculators to buy and sell which in term help their company do well in the eyes of the public are also gamblers?

Everything listed above are speculations(forecast)

Life itself is all about speculation.

All the above analogies are based on your response.

I want to see you seperate these realities from forex trading/stock brokage since they're same with sport betting /baba ijebu.

boldx:
As a man, I do not have any form of respect for any man that does not support his wife financially. Taking care of bills at home is what makes you a man.

Please separate from him immediately and go with the children. Relocate far from him
This will help you to heal very fast and take care of your children.

Ensure you have adequate backup from your family members.

Exactly! Just as others said, the children must never be with him, they will suffer! She can take the custody rights of the children to court and with evidence of his gambling addiction, she is highly likely to get custody of her children.

U bleeped up by marrying a gambler. Chai

yemi1504:
Exactly! Just as others said, the children must never be with him, they will suffer! She can take the custody rights of the children to court and with evidence of his gambling addiction, she is highly likely to get custody of her children.

Suffer how? Won't she be keeping tabs on them?
Besides, OP is not telling the whole story. No man who cares only about gambling and nothing about his children, will offer to be with same children

Mostly after the work hour and on full time on weekends.

Procashtips:
Not too hard but it all depends on you.
Do you gamble during the 9-5 work hours?

Dothans:
Mostly after the work hour and on full time on weekends.

If it's after work hours, set daily targets for yourself that you must accomplish every day which must be offline.

Like walking 30-1hr daily (for health)
Sightseeing
Jogging or visiting new places but they all have to be offline without you checking your phone

As for earning more money, you need to sign up for a new skill that can be learnt during the weekend.

DaddyCoool:
Almost none can. Some will try to hide the resentment, but it'll still show in various little ways

My mom took care of us when my father was down financially. Nobody knew except us

Kobojunkie:
So, you know of women married to able-bodied men who carry the entire marriage all on their heads--- 100% responsibility of home and house as well as 100% financial responsibilities?

Yes. So many sef.its just that women of these days are something else

Any advice or recommendation on the skill I can sign up for?
I really appreciate your feedback, would never take it for granted

Procashtips:
If it's after work hours, set daily targets for yourself that you must accomplish every day which must be offline.

Like walking 30-1hr daily (for health)
Sightseeing
Jogging or visiting new places but they all have to be offline without you checking your phone

As for earning more money, you need to sign up for a new skill that can be learnt during the weekend.

my advise is to abandon him and the kids and go into the dating world with sugar dadfies who can fund your life style

Dothans:
Any advice or recommendation on the skill I can sign up for?
I really appreciate your feedback, would never take it for granted

What are you good at with your hands?

Are you hands on or more of a mental person?

Acidosis:
Any woman that is happy about being a breadwinner clearly doesn't want the best for her man. Women can and should contribute when they have but they're not wired to take up that role. And being a breadwinner doesn't necessarily mean that the man must earn more income. It's mainly an act of responsibility - a virtue a chronic gambler lacks...

The OP clearly has a case. A simple chat with the human rights department of any police station will get her custody. Getting her custody is not as difficult as overcoming the emotional manipulation that comes right after separation. This is why it's difficult to advise anyone. She fit go back after 2 weeks for se.x.

No woman should be bread winner of the family in the first place. Most times condition changes for the man and the woman take up the responsibility without letting people know what they are passing through. My mom is an example of such woman

Solsix:
■ Yes. So many sef.its just that women of these days are something else

So what you are saying is you know women who are 100% in marriages by themselves--- they literally married to men who contribute absolutely nothing to the marriage. And you insist more women should live that way?

I don't blame you. Na me make mistake engage you in what I thought would be rational discourse.

More of mental, but would love hands on skills to relax my head after the daily 9to5. But I really don't mind so far it is money fetching skill.

Procashtips:
What are you good at with your hands?

Are you hands on or more of a mental person?

Dothans:
Are you sure I am not your brother? Please all I need is help. I hate this gambling but unable to stop.

Trust me, you've not done a quarter of the damage this guy has done to himself and by extension his family.
Btw, he currently doesn't have a phone so....

If I tell you his atrocities, you will be relieved a bit cos you're million miles better.

Asin, you cannot even do half of what he's done and still doing

Dothans:
More of mental, but would love hands on skills to relax my head after the daily 9to5. But I really don't mind so far it is money fetching skill.

Go and learn how to become a solar power installer
Furniture making
Premium painting
Heavy-duty truck driving
Forklift driving

These 3 are money spinning because you'll get to use these hands-on skills when you ever move abroad

Kobojunkie:
So what you are saying is you know women who are 100% in marriages by themselves--- they literally married to men who contribute absolutely nothing to the marriage. And you insist more women should live that way?

I don't blame you. Na me make mistake engage you in what I thought would be rational discourse.

I thought I was reasoning with a matured mind. So if a woman marries a man was stable and unfortunately he got sick and bed ridden for long she will abandoned him?? Am talking from experience. My father was a rich man, he later become bed ridden for a long time before he died. My mother took care of everything family expense till we grew up. Nobody prays for such, but unforseen circumstances can happen.

Thanks so much...would really like to learn the heavyduty truck driving. Any recommendation or link to where I can learn? I'm based in Ibadan tho.

Procashtips:
Go and learn how to become a solar power installer
Furniture making
Premium painting
Heavy-duty truck driving
Forklift driving

These 3 are money spinning because you'll get to use these hands-on skills when you ever move abroad

DaddyCoool:
Since he offered to be with the children, let him. While helping from a distance, sort yourself out and also find out how marketable you are in the dating scene - maybe you'll hook a better guy

I don’t quite agree to this advice.

The man might end up abusing those children or molesting them out of frustration and spite for the woman

Someone that can’t fend for himself, what if he decides to sell the children?

From op’s write up she said her first child is meant to start school but no money, this means she has 1 toddler and a baby with her!

She can drop the kids for his parents though or hers if they’re alive!

Prettycute90:
Since we got married, everything about the upkeep, rents, bills, feeding, general upkeep. I mean everything is on me and he has refused to provide for us as he always claimed he doesn't have. I have always be an understanding person who believe, I should be doing while I can, pending when things gets better for him.
I never knew he was getting little little, but was gambling away with it.

We really do not date for a long time before we got married. Because I knew him back then in school from a far distance. And we liked each other but didn't date. So, meeting again after graduation and in a different environment, made me believe I already knew and the fact that we already liked each other.

He was struggling with a little job when we got married. My foresight then was to grow with him. I supported him in all ways. Infact, during our wedding, most support came from friends and relatives.
Because I'm not the type of a wife that pressurized, It took me a very long time to know the nature of habit he had that has kept him low even before I married him.

He is a chronic gambler.
No money stays with him. He wouldn't even care about himself so long as he can afford little money to gamble.
Now, I don't have a job and too much burden has crippled my business.

To be honest, I'm losing myself. Sometimes I feel I need a therapy myself.
My husband has refused to change or make effort to make this marriage work.
Before I had my second child, he was pretending as if he has changed. But immediately I took in, he continues this lifestyle. I almost died due to emotional breakdown and responsibilities shouldered by myself.

I have done everything, (both family members have adviced him severally, I have prayed, fasted, cried, shouted, talked with a calm voice, all my efforts. but non is working.


Presently, since two weeks ago now, I don't cook for him. I source for food for just myself and my children. We barely have decent conversation in this house. I can't even remember the last time we had intimacy.
I always avoid him, each time he tries to get close. Because of the situation of things in this house.
We had two children and I don't intend having any other.
The cost of taking care of myself and the children all by myself is emotional hurting me so much.
School has resume and I can't even afford all the expenses of taking my first son to start a new school and I know, he would watch our son stay back at home. He wouldn't care.

We're in the house, but he's only concern is how to get little money to gambles.

Are these not enough reasons to divorce him?
During one qurrel we had recently, I told him I want us to separate for now, so we can work on ourselves, and he said he will be with our children not me.
I see that as way to make my children suffers.

What can you advise please?

I just want peace of mind.

I don't want to waste my youthful life in a loveless marriage. Where myself and my husband can not support each other to grow in Love. Rather, stressing me.

Madam no be do or die,move on before your family will come and move you, I hope it won't get to that point.

That guy won't change anytime soon.

Dothans:
Thanks so much...would really like to learn the heavyduty truck driving. Any recommendation or link to where I can learn? I'm based in Ibadan tho.

No clue for ibadan but ask around or check online

MrsTwrite:
Just because someone is/was your friend doesn't mean that they will make a great partner. Many people are dealing with toxic marriage/relationship, if you call someone your friend it's better you leave them at the friend zone.

Just file for a divorce ma'am/you guys should just separate, your mental health is very important.

you don't know the meaning of a friend

Ma'am, you liked and married him without caring to date long enough or even ask those close to him about him, now he is not cheating on you which is the only christian ground for divorce so just carry your cross, at least you are married, you have achieved great feat.

Prettycute90:
Since we got married, everything about the upkeep, rents, bills, feeding, general upkeep. I mean everything is on me and he has refused to provide for us as he always claimed he doesn't have. I have always be an understanding person who believe, I should be doing while I can, pending when things gets better for him.
I never knew he was getting little little, but was gambling away with it.

We really do not date for a long time before we got married. Because I knew him back then in school from a far distance. And we liked each other but didn't date. So, meeting again after graduation and in a different environment, made me believe I already knew and the fact that we already liked each other.

He was struggling with a little job when we got married. My foresight then was to grow with him. I supported him in all ways. Infact, during our wedding, most support came from friends and relatives.
Because I'm not the type of a wife that pressurized, It took me a very long time to know the nature of habit he had that has kept him low even before I married him.

He is a chronic gambler.
No money stays with him. He wouldn't even care about himself so long as he can afford little money to gamble.
Now, I don't have a job and too much burden has crippled my business.

To be honest, I'm losing myself. Sometimes I feel I need a therapy myself.
My husband has refused to change or make effort to make this marriage work.
Before I had my second child, he was pretending as if he has changed. But immediately I took in, he continues this lifestyle. I almost died due to emotional breakdown and responsibilities shouldered by myself.

I have done everything, (both family members have adviced him severally, I have prayed, fasted, cried, shouted, talked with a calm voice, all my efforts. but non is working.


Presently, since two weeks ago now, I don't cook for him. I source for food for just myself and my children. We barely have decent conversation in this house. I can't even remember the last time we had intimacy.
I always avoid him, each time he tries to get close. Because of the situation of things in this house.
We had two children and I don't intend having any other.
The cost of taking care of myself and the children all by myself is emotional hurting me so much.
School has resume and I can't even afford all the expenses of taking my first son to start a new school and I know, he would watch our son stay back at home. He wouldn't care.

We're in the house, but he's only concern is how to get little money to gambles.

Are these not enough reasons to divorce him?
During one qurrel we had recently, I told him I want us to separate for now, so we can work on ourselves, and he said he will be with our children not me.
I see that as way to make my children suffers.

What can you advise please?

I just want peace of mind.

I don't want to waste my youthful life in a loveless marriage. Where myself and my husband can not support each other to grow in Love. Rather, stressing me.

Fountainofyouth:
You cant be this slow na, you mean with all you read, this is what you could come up with? In your mind any woman that leaves her husband will automatically need another man? How old are you?

thy is nothing wrong with what he said, children will always look for their parents when thy are grown.

Tyktoker:
Ma'am, you liked and married him without caring to date long enough or even ask those close to him about him, now he is not cheating on you which is the only christian ground for divorce so just carry your cross, at least you are married, you have achieved great feat.

Get away! Which cross? Nonsense!

DaddyCoool:
Women RESENT being breadwinner. It almost never works out

that's not the way God made it to be. A woman was never made to provide but to support the provider and bear children