| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by franchasofficia: 11:34am On Sep 09, 2023 |
Prettycute90:
Since we got married, everything about the upkeep, rents, bills, feeding, general upkeep. I mean everything is on me and he has refused to provide for us as he always claimed he doesn't have. I have always be an understanding person who believe, I should be doing while I can, pending when things gets better for him.
I never knew he was getting little little, but was gambling away with it.
We really do not date for a long time before we got married. Because I knew him back then in school from a far distance. And we liked each other but didn't date. So, meeting again after graduation and in a different environment, made me believe I already knew and the fact that we already liked each other.
He was struggling with a little job when we got married. My foresight then was to grow with him. I supported him in all ways. Infact, during our wedding, most support came from friends and relatives.
Because I'm not the type of a wife that pressurized, It took me a very long time to know the nature of habit he had that has kept him low even before I married him.
He is a chronic gambler.
No money stays with him. He wouldn't even care about himself so long as he can afford little money to gamble.
Now, I don't have a job and too much burden has crippled my business.
To be honest, I'm losing myself. Sometimes I feel I need a therapy myself.
My husband has refused to change or make effort to make this marriage work.
Before I had my second child, he was pretending as if he has changed. But immediately I took in, he continues this lifestyle. I almost died due to emotional breakdown and responsibilities shouldered by myself.
I have done everything, (both family members have adviced him severally, I have prayed, fasted, cried, shouted, talked with a calm voice, all my efforts. but non is working.
Presently, since two weeks ago now, I don't cook for him. I source for food for just myself and my children. We barely have decent conversation in this house. I can't even remember the last time we had intimacy.
I always avoid him, each time he tries to get close. Because of the situation of things in this house.
We had two children and I don't intend having any other.
The cost of taking care of myself and the children all by myself is emotional hurting me so much.
School has resume and I can't even afford all the expenses of taking my first son to start a new school and I know, he would watch our son stay back at home. He wouldn't care.
We're in the house, but he's only concern is how to get little money to gambles.
Are these not enough reasons to divorce him?
During one qurrel we had recently, I told him I want us to separate for now, so we can work on ourselves, and he said he will be with our children not me.
I see that as way to make my children suffers.
What can you advise please?
I just want peace of mind.
I don't want to waste my youthful life in a loveless marriage. Where myself and my husband can not support each other to grow in Love. Rather, stressing me.
My problem with ladies is mostly on how and who they accept as spouse. This is the beginning of every woman's problem in life. How the hell did you accept to marry such a lazy, irresponsible man? He had no business getting married and in fact impregnating any woman for C's sake. If I were the President, I would have made ruthless policies to deal with this kind of irresponsible men. To all the single unmarried ladies reading, hope you ladies are learning from all these threads? If you like, as a single unmarried lady, keep forming "I no send your money", "money dont move me", "he thinks I will fall for his money" and all those useless talks to portray yourself as a virtuous woman that can provide for herself and in the name of trying to recreate love you reject viable men with prospects to accept one dingbat that promises you tomorrow will be better based on the yeye movies he watched on Nollywood films and you agree. Na you go suffer am. The world has changed and still changing more, love is never enough reason to marry anyone in our current world, before you marry any man, check his ability to provide, it is Biblical not a sin. A man's ability to provide for you and kids is number one quality to consider not how tall abi long or handsome with 30 packs he has. A lazy man relies on luck and gambling to succeed, run away from such men. Any man hoping to hammer one day through gambling or destiny is already a disaster and a failure don't marry such man, don't even date him unless its just for temporary fun. 2 Likes |
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by Miyachi: 11:39am On Sep 09, 2023 |
Prettycute90:
Since we got married, everything about the upkeep, rents, bills, feeding, general upkeep. I mean everything is on me and he has refused to provide for us as he always claimed he doesn't have. I have always be an understanding person who believe, I should be doing while I can, pending when things gets better for him.
I never knew he was getting little little, but was gambling away with it.
We really do not date for a long time before we got married. Because I knew him back then in school from a far distance. And we liked each other but didn't date. So, meeting again after graduation and in a different environment, made me believe I already knew and the fact that we already liked each other.
He was struggling with a little job when we got married. My foresight then was to grow with him. I supported him in all ways. Infact, during our wedding, most support came from friends and relatives.
Because I'm not the type of a wife that pressurized, It took me a very long time to know the nature of habit he had that has kept him low even before I married him.
He is a chronic gambler.
No money stays with him. He wouldn't even care about himself so long as he can afford little money to gamble.
Now, I don't have a job and too much burden has crippled my business.
To be honest, I'm losing myself. Sometimes I feel I need a therapy myself.
My husband has refused to change or make effort to make this marriage work.
Before I had my second child, he was pretending as if he has changed. But immediately I took in, he continues this lifestyle. I almost died due to emotional breakdown and responsibilities shouldered by myself.
I have done everything, (both family members have adviced him severally, I have prayed, fasted, cried, shouted, talked with a calm voice, all my efforts. but non is working.
Presently, since two weeks ago now, I don't cook for him. I source for food for just myself and my children. We barely have decent conversation in this house. I can't even remember the last time we had intimacy.
I always avoid him, each time he tries to get close. Because of the situation of things in this house.
We had two children and I don't intend having any other.
The cost of taking care of myself and the children all by myself is emotional hurting me so much.
School has resume and I can't even afford all the expenses of taking my first son to start a new school and I know, he would watch our son stay back at home. He wouldn't care.
We're in the house, but he's only concern is how to get little money to gambles.
Are these not enough reasons to divorce him?
During one qurrel we had recently, I told him I want us to separate for now, so we can work on ourselves, and he said he will be with our children not me.
I see that as way to make my children suffers.
What can you advise please?
I just want peace of mind.
I don't want to waste my youthful life in a loveless marriage. Where myself and my husband can not support each other to grow in Love. Rather, stressing me.
Why don't you tell him all these. Try to make him understand what he's doing wrong from your own perspective. Give him a chance to see if he'll turn a new leaf instead of just cutting him off. Communication is an integral part of any relationship. You've been holding your hurt in, it has been eating you up and making you resent the person causing your pain. Just let him know that his actions are ruining your relationship. Any addiction is difficult to overcome but you have to make a choice if you should bail or work it out with him. |
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by Caaz: 11:39am On Sep 09, 2023 |
Only few men in Nigeria are not damaged,the rest are overtly Badly damaged beyond repair. 3 Likes |
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by Fiscus105(m): 11:40am On Sep 09, 2023 |
emekajacobogbon:
My love calm down and reason with me.
From your caption, "AS A CHRISTIAN" Means you are a core believer.
This is really a challenging time.
You didn't mention anything else besides gambling and it's effects in his life and how it's destroying things in the family.
What you need to know and do as someone who has tried all possible means to redeem him without success is this;
1) separation whether temporal or permanent will give room for the devil to gain access and have the floor to do more harms which is against your christian faith.
2) you have to know that Time is the greatest determinant, you have to know that the time to go and start life afresh and reach the stage you are now is the same time it will take him to come back to his senses. Love you more and cherish you more.
3) Instead of hearkening to the loudest voice talking to you now and whispering divorce, my reject the voice and tell the voice that what you need is MONEY.
4)MY dear channel all your strength, soul, body, spirit and mind towards making money.
IF YOU HAVE MONEY, YOU WON'T BE HERE EXPLAINING TO ANYONE.
5) YOU HAVE TO DECIDE WITHIN YOU THAT YOUR HUSBAND IS LATE AND YOU CHOSE NOT TO REMARRY.
6) I MEAN TOTALLY IGNORE HIM AND EVEN HIS SHADOW AND SEE WHAT WILL HAPPEN
7) FOR YOUR INFO, 95% OF MEN ARE INTO THIS MESS. EVEN PASTORS....
I WISH I CAN TALK TO YOU ONE ON ONE
95% of men are making little money and the little they make, they waste it without taking it home? According to ur post. Did you think Op can split everything happens to her here? If husband dies, she will know that two loads have become one, but seeing someone who supposed to be the head and provider wasting little resources he earns on gambling everyday is tantamount of leaving in hell or bondage. If this woman seperates temporarily, ....don't you think the husband may fasten his bet since the provider is no more at home?
If this woman continuous staying and enduring husband that deliberately squander little resources, did u think the woman can attain her goals? What about if being with him now results to depression and ultimately death? NB, if husband died or having challenges that are not deliberately caused by him, I would have supported ur advise 101% or, if husband taking care of house but indulged in fornication, gambling, alcoholism, we can still advise to still endure, but for this,....... 1 Like |
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by Jalabia: 11:42am On Sep 09, 2023 |
Sorry about your predicament. Yorubas will say Oja okunkun ni igbeyawo. It means marriage is a hidden market. If you leave him, whaat are you falling back on............now no job...........since there is no physical abuse, you can be catering for you and your kids till things improve. Keep praying for him............God can do all things......It is well........ Prettycute90:
Since we got married, everything about the upkeep, rents, bills, feeding, general upkeep. I mean everything is on me and he has refused to provide for us as he always claimed he doesn't have. I have always be an understanding person who believe, I should be doing while I can, pending when things gets better for him.
I never knew he was getting little little, but was gambling away with it.
We really do not date for a long time before we got married. Because I knew him back then in school from a far distance. And we liked each other but didn't date. So, meeting again after graduation and in a different environment, made me believe I already knew and the fact that we already liked each other.
He was struggling with a little job when we got married. My foresight then was to grow with him. I supported him in all ways. Infact, during our wedding, most support came from friends and relatives.
Because I'm not the type of a wife that pressurized, It took me a very long time to know the nature of habit he had that has kept him low even before I married him.
He is a chronic gambler.
No money stays with him. He wouldn't even care about himself so long as he can afford little money to gamble.
Now, I don't have a job and too much burden has crippled my business.
To be honest, I'm losing myself. Sometimes I feel I need a therapy myself.
My husband has refused to change or make effort to make this marriage work.
Before I had my second child, he was pretending as if he has changed. But immediately I took in, he continues this lifestyle. I almost died due to emotional breakdown and responsibilities shouldered by myself.
I have done everything, (both family members have adviced him severally, I have prayed, fasted, cried, shouted, talked with a calm voice, all my efforts. but non is working.
Presently, since two weeks ago now, I don't cook for him. I source for food for just myself and my children. We barely have decent conversation in this house. I can't even remember the last time we had intimacy.
I always avoid him, each time he tries to get close. Because of the situation of things in this house.
We had two children and I don't intend having any other.
The cost of taking care of myself and the children all by myself is emotional hurting me so much.
School has resume and I can't even afford all the expenses of taking my first son to start a new school and I know, he would watch our son stay back at home. He wouldn't care.
We're in the house, but he's only concern is how to get little money to gambles.
Are these not enough reasons to divorce him?
During one qurrel we had recently, I told him I want us to separate for now, so we can work on ourselves, and he said he will be with our children not me.
I see that as way to make my children suffers.
What can you advise please?
I just want peace of mind.
I don't want to waste my youthful life in a loveless marriage. Where myself and my husband can not support each other to grow in Love. Rather, stressing me.
|
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by seeromy(m): 11:44am On Sep 09, 2023 |
Prettycute90:
Since we got married, everything about the upkeep, rents, bills, feeding, general upkeep. I mean everything is on me and he has refused to provide for us as he always claimed he doesn't have. I have always be an understanding person who believe, I should be doing while I can, pending when things gets better for him.
I never knew he was getting little little, but was gambling away with it.
We really do not date for a long time before we got married. Because I knew him back then in school from a far distance. And we liked each other but didn't date. So, meeting again after graduation and in a different environment, made me believe I already knew and the fact that we already liked each other.
He was struggling with a little job when we got married. My foresight then was to grow with him. I supported him in all ways. Infact, during our wedding, most support came from friends and relatives.
Because I'm not the type of a wife that pressurized, It took me a very long time to know the nature of habit he had that has kept him low even before I married him.
He is a chronic gambler.
No money stays with him. He wouldn't even care about himself so long as he can afford little money to gamble.
Now, I don't have a job and too much burden has crippled my business.
To be honest, I'm losing myself. Sometimes I feel I need a therapy myself.
My husband has refused to change or make effort to make this marriage work.
Before I had my second child, he was pretending as if he has changed. But immediately I took in, he continues this lifestyle. I almost died due to emotional breakdown and responsibilities shouldered by myself.
I have done everything, (both family members have adviced him severally, I have prayed, fasted, cried, shouted, talked with a calm voice, all my efforts. but non is working.
Presently, since two weeks ago now, I don't cook for him. I source for food for just myself and my children. We barely have decent conversation in this house. I can't even remember the last time we had intimacy.
I always avoid him, each time he tries to get close. Because of the situation of things in this house.
We had two children and I don't intend having any other.
The cost of taking care of myself and the children all by myself is emotional hurting me so much.
School has resume and I can't even afford all the expenses of taking my first son to start a new school and I know, he would watch our son stay back at home. He wouldn't care.
We're in the house, but he's only concern is how to get little money to gambles.
Are these not enough reasons to divorce him?
During one qurrel we had recently, I told him I want us to separate for now, so we can work on ourselves, and he said he will be with our children not me.
I see that as way to make my children suffers.
What can you advise please?
I just want peace of mind.
I don't want to waste my youthful life in a loveless marriage. Where myself and my husband can not support each other to grow in Love. Rather, stressing me.
Please the only scriptural for divorce is adultery. However since he deliberately refuse to provide for his family, you may separate for sometime. But seek solutions from your religious leader. The Bible can help.
|
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by sammiewrite(m): 11:58am On Sep 09, 2023 |
Separation, maybe yes, if you can no longer stand the sight of him but even this should only be an option after you can confidently say that your current location is a liability to your job search.
A mistake has been made. Divorce is mentally draining and a distraction right now as far as I can see. You will only exacerbate it by focusing in the wrong direction.
Whether you stay with him or not, bills will accumulate so for now intensify your efforts to replace your job. Once this is done, you can then revisit this discussion. You can even start with modifying your posts to include your qualifications and job experience. Who knows, some Nairalanders may just connect or hire you. 1 Like |
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by Weathered: 12:01pm On Sep 09, 2023 |
Prettycute90:
Since we got married, everything about the upkeep, rents, bills, feeding, general upkeep. I mean everything is on me and he has refused to provide for us as he always claimed he doesn't have. I have always be an understanding person who believe, I should be doing while I can, pending when things gets better for him.
I never knew he was getting little little, but was gambling away with it.
We really do not date for a long time before we got married. Because I knew him back then in school from a far distance. And we liked each other but didn't date. So, meeting again after graduation and in a different environment, made me believe I already knew and the fact that we already liked each other.
He was struggling with a little job when we got married. My foresight then was to grow with him. I supported him in all ways. Infact, during our wedding, most support came from friends and relatives.
Because I'm not the type of a wife that pressurized, It took me a very long time to know the nature of habit he had that has kept him low even before I married him.
He is a chronic gambler.
No money stays with him. He wouldn't even care about himself so long as he can afford little money to gamble.
Now, I don't have a job and too much burden has crippled my business.
To be honest, I'm losing myself. Sometimes I feel I need a therapy myself.
My husband has refused to change or make effort to make this marriage work.
Before I had my second child, he was pretending as if he has changed. But immediately I took in, he continues this lifestyle. I almost died due to emotional breakdown and responsibilities shouldered by myself.
I have done everything, (both family members have adviced him severally, I have prayed, fasted, cried, shouted, talked with a calm voice, all my efforts. but non is working.
Presently, since two weeks ago now, I don't cook for him. I source for food for just myself and my children. We barely have decent conversation in this house. I can't even remember the last time we had intimacy.
I always avoid him, each time he tries to get close. Because of the situation of things in this house.
We had two children and I don't intend having any other.
The cost of taking care of myself and the children all by myself is emotional hurting me so much.
School has resume and I can't even afford all the expenses of taking my first son to start a new school and I know, he would watch our son stay back at home. He wouldn't care.
We're in the house, but he's only concern is how to get little money to gambles.
Are these not enough reasons to divorce him?
During one qurrel we had recently, I told him I want us to separate for now, so we can work on ourselves, and he said he will be with our children not me.
I see that as way to make my children suffers.
What can you advise please?
I just want peace of mind.
I don't want to waste my youthful life in a loveless marriage. Where myself and my husband can not support each other to grow in Love. Rather, stressing me.
nice storyline for the dumb hypocritical feminists. This is what billions of men go through for thousands of decades and never complain. It was and still is a norm for us. You stay at home, get your hair fixed twice a month, drive a car, enjoy security, a sense of power and a home and a name and the prestigious "Mrs " tittle. Now you're providing just food because you're can't provide security to a man or prestige or a sense of fortitude but you're here complaining like the entitle little bitxh you are. Welcome to reality. Man and woman can never be equal. We were never meant to be and can't ever be |
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by Think9ja(m): 12:02pm On Sep 09, 2023 |
Prettycute90:
Because you're willing to change, it's easy for her to stick with you. But, mine, is not ready. Even when I forwarded some books, people's testimonies on gambling to his WhatsApp, so he could go through, he always get angry with me and delete without reading The only difference between your husband and my 35yrs old brother is that my brother is not married. He has caused my mum so much pain that I fear she might just end it all. I promised to never allow any good girl fall in his trap in the name of marriage. If he brings a nice girl home, I will tell her everything I know about his gambling history to enable her make an informed decision. But if he brings one yeye thing, I will just keep quiet. At 35, he has no job, no skill, no business, no relationship, nothing nothing. This guy is a graduate since 2014 but his life has not kicked off yet due to poor choices He just wants to bet. I perfectly understand what you're going through and I will support and pray for you no matter what you decide. E no easy 2 Likes |
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by maasoap(m): 12:03pm On Sep 09, 2023 |
Prettycute90:
Are these not enough reasons to divorce him?
During one qurrel we had recently, I told him I want us to separate for now, so we can work on ourselves, and he said he will be with our children not me.
I see that as way to make my children suffers.
What can you advise please?
I just want peace of mind.
I don't want to waste my youthful life in a loveless marriage. Where myself and my husband can not support each other to grow in Love. Rather, stressing me.
I'm a man too but sorry to say this: no court will give him the custody of your children because, they're still minor. That's the solution to who can have the custody of the kids. 1 Like |
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by maasoap(m): 12:06pm On Sep 09, 2023 |
LilMissFavvy:
Whatever you do, don't let him keep the kids, the children are young and even the court will grant you custody. You need a second source of income to be able to foot the bills.
You have two options:
1. Continue to live with him, and ignore him as much as you can. If you chose this, you can also be traveling to visit your people from time to time, to avoid him more and reduce the stress at home.
2. Separation.
Dangerous. Separation is the best temporary solution |
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by maasoap(m): 12:08pm On Sep 09, 2023 |
DaddyCoool:
Since he offered to be with the children, let him. While helping from a distance, sort yourself out and also find out how marketable you are in the dating scene - maybe you'll hook a better guy How is he going to take care of the kids' needs? Can he even be there for them physically everyday? Those kids will suffer! |
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by komekn(m): 12:08pm On Sep 09, 2023 |
Prettycute90:
Since we got married, everything about the upkeep, rents, bills, feeding, general upkeep. I mean everything is on me and he has refused to provide for us as he always claimed he doesn't have. I have always be an understanding person who believe, I should be doing while I can, pending when things gets better for him.
I never knew he was getting little little, but was gambling away with it.
We really do not date for a long time before we got married. Because I knew him back then in school from a far distance. And we liked each other but didn't date. So, meeting again after graduation and in a different environment, made me believe I already knew and the fact that we already liked each other.
He was struggling with a little job when we got married. My foresight then was to grow with him. I supported him in all ways. Infact, during our wedding, most support came from friends and relatives.
Because I'm not the type of a wife that pressurized, It took me a very long time to know the nature of habit he had that has kept him low even before I married him.
He is a chronic gambler.
No money stays with him. He wouldn't even care about himself so long as he can afford little money to gamble.
Now, I don't have a job and too much burden has crippled my business.
To be honest, I'm losing myself. Sometimes I feel I need a therapy myself.
My husband has refused to change or make effort to make this marriage work.
Before I had my second child, he was pretending as if he has changed. But immediately I took in, he continues this lifestyle. I almost died due to emotional breakdown and responsibilities shouldered by myself.
I have done everything, (both family members have adviced him severally, I have prayed, fasted, cried, shouted, talked with a calm voice, all my efforts. but non is working.
Presently, since two weeks ago now, I don't cook for him. I source for food for just myself and my children. We barely have decent conversation in this house. I can't even remember the last time we had intimacy.
I always avoid him, each time he tries to get close. Because of the situation of things in this house.
We had two children and I don't intend having any other.
The cost of taking care of myself and the children all by myself is emotional hurting me so much.
School has resume and I can't even afford all the expenses of taking my first son to start a new school and I know, he would watch our son stay back at home. He wouldn't care.
We're in the house, but he's only concern is how to get little money to gambles.
Are these not enough reasons to divorce him?
During one qurrel we had recently, I told him I want us to separate for now, so we can work on ourselves, and he said he will be with our children not me.
I see that as way to make my children suffers.
What can you advise please?
I just want peace of mind.
I don't want to waste my youthful life in a loveless marriage. Where myself and my husband can not support each other to grow in Love. Rather, stressing me.
The Operative word that you introduced is "AS A CHRISTIAN" That means all our deductions must be strictly anchored ⚓ on scripture ( The Bible) A few provisos , we are called to obey first, not to necessarily understand and or question. No matter how irrational it may seem to our modern day sense of humanity and social norms and values. It means we can't be ASSUMPTIVE or use conjecture and or vice versa. First of all there is no Biblical provision for a woman to divorce her husband. You may take Colin of 1 Corinthians 7:15 , you are not bound . It's not a ground for divorce, but if you leave you must remaine as you are. Any man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery No exception. Luke 16:18, Matt 5:32, Mark 10:11 and Romans 7:2 ( marriage convenat ends with only with death. When reading scripture it's important to read in context both in spirit and in context. Marriage in Biblical context is not a partnership it's leadership by men. Yes the environment is intrinsically patriarchal. As you know men married more than one wife as was allowed by scripture. And the issues was the man putting away his wife,( divorce) not marrying another. In summary the motivation for divorce is overwhelming to remarry. And that is not an option for Christian woman to be divorced and have a remarriage. That is sin , living on continuous adultery. However, you can remain separate but not divorced staying as you are without remarrying. |
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by FireUpNow(m): 12:09pm On Sep 09, 2023 |
In the bible the only reasons to divorce is adultery and when one's life is Iin fanger. Consult your parents and your pastor |
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by komekn(m): 12:12pm On Sep 09, 2023 |
FireUpNow:
In the bible the only reasons to divorce is adultery and when one's life is Iin fanger. Consult your parents and your pastor Sorry 😟 you are wrong. First read the word, consult your Bible. Then follow the word 😉. If you know the word of God 🙏🏾 you cannot be decieved. If you don't know the word of God you are ALREADY DECIEVED you just don't know it |
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by Sweetvie: 12:16pm On Sep 09, 2023 |
Hmm.
Do what's best for you and the kids. Mental health is very important. 2 Likes |
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by Jughead29: 12:19pm On Sep 09, 2023 |
after divorcing him what if lucks finds him... let's say you heard he won 100million from gambling??
what will you do? try to go back??
at some point in time times i don't advice divorce.... Perhaps you guys started your life with luxurious living... cut down your expenses at all cost.... remove pride. Its not a must your children must be in a private school with higher school fees. I was hoping to see he beats you or something.... But financial issues is everywhere..... its unfortunate some woman can never cope |
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by MamaletASO: 12:21pm On Sep 09, 2023 |
Oh! I feel your pain..
I know how you feel...persist a little yea shall laugh soon
#RenewedHope
For better for worse! 
|
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by phemmyfour: 12:22pm On Sep 09, 2023 |
Prettycute90:
Since we got married, everything about the upkeep, rents, bills, feeding, general upkeep. I mean everything is on me and he has refused to provide for us as he always claimed he doesn't have. I have always be an understanding person who believe, I should be doing while I can, pending when things gets better for him.
I never knew he was getting little little, but was gambling away with it.
We really do not date for a long time before we got married. Because I knew him back then in school from a far distance. And we liked each other but didn't date. So, meeting again after graduation and in a different environment, made me believe I already knew and the fact that we already liked each other.
He was struggling with a little job when we got married. My foresight then was to grow with him. I supported him in all ways. Infact, during our wedding, most support came from friends and relatives.
Because I'm not the type of a wife that pressurized, It took me a very long time to know the nature of habit he had that has kept him low even before I married him.
He is a chronic gambler.
No money stays with him. He wouldn't even care about himself so long as he can afford little money to gamble.
Now, I don't have a job and too much burden has crippled my business.
To be honest, I'm losing myself. Sometimes I feel I need a therapy myself.
My husband has refused to change or make effort to make this marriage work.
Before I had my second child, he was pretending as if he has changed. But immediately I took in, he continues this lifestyle. I almost died due to emotional breakdown and responsibilities shouldered by myself.
I have done everything, (both family members have adviced him severally, I have prayed, fasted, cried, shouted, talked with a calm voice, all my efforts. but non is working.
Presently, since two weeks ago now, I don't cook for him. I source for food for just myself and my children. We barely have decent conversation in this house. I can't even remember the last time we had intimacy.
I always avoid him, each time he tries to get close. Because of the situation of things in this house.
We had two children and I don't intend having any other.
The cost of taking care of myself and the children all by myself is emotional hurting me so much.
School has resume and I can't even afford all the expenses of taking my first son to start a new school and I know, he would watch our son stay back at home. He wouldn't care.
We're in the house, but he's only concern is how to get little money to gambles.
Are these not enough reasons to divorce him?
During one qurrel we had recently, I told him I want us to separate for now, so we can work on ourselves, and he said he will be with our children not me.
I see that as way to make my children suffers.
What can you advise please?
I just want peace of mind.
I don't want to waste my youthful life in a loveless marriage. Where myself and my husband can not support each other to grow in Love. Rather, stressing me.
You married a gambler? It is finished. Your marriage was built on a faulty foundation. A gambler doesn't save irrespective of how much he earned. It is safe to divorce him if he doesn't change. The scripture says that: A man that fails to provide for his family is worse than an infidel 1Tim 5:8 |
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by Mademan7: 12:22pm On Sep 09, 2023 |
Prettycute90:
Did you read everything I said before passing your judgement? My advise to you is this and take this advice seriously. If short separation will reset his brain, I welcome the idea. Take notice of the word "Short" and if he is insisting of being with the kids. Take the matter to your in-laws or to elders in the village for them to judge the matter. If they see that the kids are better off with you than him they will allow you to be with the kids while he uses the opportunity to get his life back and after a while when you see changes in him. The go back and reconnect with him. As a Christian lady divorce is not an option but temporary separation that can produce a better result is always recommended. 1 Like |
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by kapelvej: 12:23pm On Sep 09, 2023 |
Prettycute90:
Since we got married, everything about the upkeep, rents, bills, feeding, general upkeep. I mean everything is on me and he has refused to provide for us as he always claimed he doesn't have. I have always be an understanding person who believe, I should be doing while I can, pending when things gets better for him.
I never knew he was getting little little, but was gambling away with it.
We really do not date for a long time before we got married. Because I knew him back then in school from a far distance. And we liked each other but didn't date. So, meeting again after graduation and in a different environment, made me believe I already knew and the fact that we already liked each other.
He was struggling with a little job when we got married. My foresight then was to grow with him. I supported him in all ways. Infact, during our wedding, most support came from friends and relatives.
Because I'm not the type of a wife that pressurized, It took me a very long time to know the nature of habit he had that has kept him low even before I married him.
He is a chronic gambler.
No money stays with him. He wouldn't even care about himself so long as he can afford little money to gamble.
Now, I don't have a job and too much burden has crippled my business.
To be honest, I'm losing myself. Sometimes I feel I need a therapy myself.
My husband has refused to change or make effort to make this marriage work.
Before I had my second child, he was pretending as if he has changed. But immediately I took in, he continues this lifestyle. I almost died due to emotional breakdown and responsibilities shouldered by myself.
I have done everything, (both family members have adviced him severally, I have prayed, fasted, cried, shouted, talked with a calm voice, all my efforts. but non is working.
Presently, since two weeks ago now, I don't cook for him. I source for food for just myself and my children. We barely have decent conversation in this house. I can't even remember the last time we had intimacy.
I always avoid him, each time he tries to get close. Because of the situation of things in this house.
We had two children and I don't intend having any other.
The cost of taking care of myself and the children all by myself is emotional hurting me so much.
School has resume and I can't even afford all the expenses of taking my first son to start a new school and I know, he would watch our son stay back at home. He wouldn't care.
We're in the house, but he's only concern is how to get little money to gambles.
Are these not enough reasons to divorce him?
During one qurrel we had recently, I told him I want us to separate for now, so we can work on ourselves, and he said he will be with our children not me.
I see that as way to make my children suffers.
What can you advise please?
I just want peace of mind.
I don't want to waste my youthful life in a loveless marriage. Where myself and my husband can not support each other to grow in Love. Rather, stressing me.
but your bible said it is only infidelity |
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by oweniwe(m): 12:26pm On Sep 09, 2023 |
kingviny:
Above all, you need God's intervention.
You are a good person. |
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by Ishilove: 12:27pm On Sep 09, 2023 |
Prettycute90:
Because you're willing to change, it's easy for her to stick with you. But, mine, is not ready. Even when I forwarded some books, people's testimonies on gambling to his WhatsApp, so he could go through, he always get angry with me and delete without reading This one is a tough one. He can only be helped when he realises he has a problem and from what you have written, that's not the case here. |
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by FHL3: 12:33pm On Sep 09, 2023 |
It is well, my sister. I assume you believe in God since you said you have fasted, prayed etc. So, please, seek godly counsel from the wife of your pastor/imam. Every marriage has challenges, so divorce may not be the solution. Continue to pray, and trust God.
Mental illness is also a big issue for many today, so do everything you can to stay sane. Talk to your parents, siblings, his trusted family members, godly friends, therapist, marriage counsellors etc, but avoid counsels that will derail your life.
Single mothers are easy targets for wolfs in sheep's clothing. They are sexual predators who present themselves as good, loving, and caring men. I guess you read about them in the news. So, don't make yourself their
easy target.
I pray that the mercy of God prevail over your situation, and help you out in Jesus name. |
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by jimmyvic(m): 12:33pm On Sep 09, 2023 |
I feel for you.....File for a divorce and take your kids with you...that nigga could wreck a kid's life out of frustration |
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by Toks2008(m): 12:34pm On Sep 09, 2023 |
Prettycute90:
Since we got married, everything about the upkeep, rents, bills, feeding, general upkeep. I mean everything is on me and he has refused to provide for us as he always claimed he doesn't have. I have always be an understanding person who believe, I should be doing while I can, pending when things gets better for him.
I never knew he was getting little little, but was gambling away with it.
We really do not date for a long time before we got married. Because I knew him back then in school from a far distance. And we liked each other but didn't date. So, meeting again after graduation and in a different environment, made me believe I already knew and the fact that we already liked each other.
He was struggling with a little job when we got married. My foresight then was to grow with him. I supported him in all ways. Infact, during our wedding, most support came from friends and relatives.
Because I'm not the type of a wife that pressurized, It took me a very long time to know the nature of habit he had that has kept him low even before I married him.
He is a chronic gambler.
No money stays with him. He wouldn't even care about himself so long as he can afford little money to gamble.
Now, I don't have a job and too much burden has crippled my business.
To be honest, I'm losing myself. Sometimes I feel I need a therapy myself.
My husband has refused to change or make effort to make this marriage work.
Before I had my second child, he was pretending as if he has changed. But immediately I took in, he continues this lifestyle. I almost died due to emotional breakdown and responsibilities shouldered by myself.
I have done everything, (both family members have adviced him severally, I have prayed, fasted, cried, shouted, talked with a calm voice, all my efforts. but non is working.
Presently, since two weeks ago now, I don't cook for him. I source for food for just myself and my children. We barely have decent conversation in this house. I can't even remember the last time we had intimacy.
I always avoid him, each time he tries to get close. Because of the situation of things in this house.
We had two children and I don't intend having any other.
The cost of taking care of myself and the children all by myself is emotional hurting me so much.
School has resume and I can't even afford all the expenses of taking my first son to start a new school and I know, he would watch our son stay back at home. He wouldn't care.
We're in the house, but he's only concern is how to get little money to gambles.
Are these not enough reasons to divorce him?
During one qurrel we had recently, I told him I want us to separate for now, so we can work on ourselves, and he said he will be with our children not me.
I see that as way to make my children suffers.
What can you advise please?
I just want peace of mind.
I don't want to waste my youthful life in a loveless marriage. Where myself and my husband can not support each other to grow in Love. Rather, stressing me.
You are not alone in this boat... I have counseled many ladies going through exact same thing. One now stays on her own after her husband couldn't pay rent and they had to lose their homes so she had to move back to her parents house before finding money to rent a small room for herself and her only son. Unfortunately this is not strong enough to divorce him but you can only leave him if he chooses to let you go cos you are bound to your husband as long as you leave EXCEPT HE DECIDES TO LEAVE YOU BY HIMSELF. However you can seperate from him cos the bible allows seperation leading to reconciliation. It is a cross you have to bear and this is why I advise ladies never to have a number of kids they can't take care of personally. Sis I'm sorry to say but you must carry your cross. Work hard, build your life n that of your kids. Pray for him but don't leave him. Cheers |
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by Ishilove: 12:36pm On Sep 09, 2023 |
jeromestarks:
You chose your fate. Better men came with true love to marry you but you rejected them and settled for this one you called husband.
You met loving men when you were 18/20 but you rejected them saying you're not ready, you're young etc. Now look at you.
Dance to the music alone.
You will suffer.
You have not seen anything yet. This comment has really shown that you have mental problems. Very serious ones. You are such a disgusting individual 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by Ademascot: 12:39pm On Sep 09, 2023 |
Initially your understanding license him to be an Irresponsible husband |
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by Kingosytex(m): 12:45pm On Sep 09, 2023 |
DaddyCoool:
Since he offered to be with the children, let him. While helping from a distance, sort yourself out and also find out how marketable you are in the dating scene - maybe you'll hook a better guy Why not tell her to be on her own and at least feed herself since the man has accepted to be with the children? Must she hook up with a man? Can't she feed herself? 😂 |
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by Ademascot: 12:46pm On Sep 09, 2023 |
If you're base in Lagos, Justice court will help you and he can't get the custody of the children unless they are above 18years.
Separate with him for a while, emotional trauma kill faster than Corona virus |
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by sonofthunder: 12:49pm On Sep 09, 2023 |
Prettycute90:
Did you read everything I said before passing your judgement? Yes dear, I read it clearly. And I'm not passing judgement, especially not on you. Sorry if I sounded harsh but your situation is very difficult. The major problem was in your second paragraph. Assuming you discovered his habit while dating you most likely would have demanded better from him early enough or walked away. Your husband is addicted to one of the things one should do their best to observe in a partner before long term commitment and it's very sad that you missed it. Gambling, womanizing/manizing, spouse beater, alcoholism, lack of regard for hierachys and social/administrative structures etc. I'm sure he's defaulting in more than just one but that's the most devastating to you overall I really wish he was doing better but I'm lost how to advice hence my comment. The easiest way to get some sense into him temporarily with the hope that he'll come around is to have someone he cannot refuse (Father, pastor, mentor, collègue) to talk to him and make certain demands from him Leaving him might be your second best option but I promise it's very likely equally challenging and maybe less frustrating since you get to put up with him less. Don't try to force solutions onto him as he might just end up hating you more. He needs to find himself in a situation where he has no other option (works on most men), and the most reasonable way to bring to that position without doing things that would be detrimental to you, the children or the marriage is what I pointed out above. |
| Re: As a Christian, Is This Not Enough Reason To Divorce Him? by Pope98: 12:49pm On Sep 09, 2023 |
Read this book and read it well...marriage remarriage and divorce..by kenneth e hagin ..you would find all your answer s ..trust me Prettycute90:
Since we got married, everything about the upkeep, rents, bills, feeding, general upkeep. I mean everything is on me and he has refused to provide for us as he always claimed he doesn't have. I have always be an understanding person who believe, I should be doing while I can, pending when things gets better for him.
I never knew he was getting little little, but was gambling away with it.
We really do not date for a long time before we got married. Because I knew him back then in school from a far distance. And we liked each other but didn't date. So, meeting again after graduation and in a different environment, made me believe I already knew and the fact that we already liked each other.
He was struggling with a little job when we got married. My foresight then was to grow with him. I supported him in all ways. Infact, during our wedding, most support came from friends and relatives.
Because I'm not the type of a wife that pressurized, It took me a very long time to know the nature of habit he had that has kept him low even before I married him.
He is a chronic gambler.
No money stays with him. He wouldn't even care about himself so long as he can afford little money to gamble.
Now, I don't have a job and too much burden has crippled my business.
To be honest, I'm losing myself. Sometimes I feel I need a therapy myself.
My husband has refused to change or make effort to make this marriage work.
Before I had my second child, he was pretending as if he has changed. But immediately I took in, he continues this lifestyle. I almost died due to emotional breakdown and responsibilities shouldered by myself.
I have done everything, (both family members have adviced him severally, I have prayed, fasted, cried, shouted, talked with a calm voice, all my efforts. but non is working.
Presently, since two weeks ago now, I don't cook for him. I source for food for just myself and my children. We barely have decent conversation in this house. I can't even remember the last time we had intimacy.
I always avoid him, each time he tries to get close. Because of the situation of things in this house.
We had two children and I don't intend having any other.
The cost of taking care of myself and the children all by myself is emotional hurting me so much.
School has resume and I can't even afford all the expenses of taking my first son to start a new school and I know, he would watch our son stay back at home. He wouldn't care.
We're in the house, but he's only concern is how to get little money to gambles.
Are these not enough reasons to divorce him?
During one qurrel we had recently, I told him I want us to separate for now, so we can work on ourselves, and he said he will be with our children not me.
I see that as way to make my children suffers.
What can you advise please?
I just want peace of mind.
I don't want to waste my youthful life in a loveless marriage. Where myself and my husband can not support each other to grow in Love. Rather, stressing me.
|
