descarado:

Wife and duty?
Are you in 16th century?
Who gave her that duty?
You?
What is he risking?
Mamas full everywhere working. From hospitals to civil service to conglomerate to traders to even politics, are they not sacrificing their lives?
They will still go home and take care of the hone front.
Some feed the man, pay house rent.
So close your mouth cos you make no sense.

See them, ndi men.

Men that ran Nigeria aground.

No he should be giving her 600k plus the little busy she's doing just to be a good husband.
May I ask you,are you married?
How much do you make monthly not to talk about the monthly upkeep you give your wife?
If that 100k is not enough,can you bring your mother to be doing all that his wife does so that she will be paid 100k, while the man's wife works or engage in other businesses apart from home keeping.
If you're not a married man or you're an irresponsible man, keep off this thread.
Go and make 700k monthly and give your wife 600k upkeep just to be a good husband,onye ara.

RALPHOW:
Side chick is fornication Marry second wife and pay her dowry

So, OP won't first "test" second wife to be sure she can satisfy his libido's needs before he marries her? You folks are not only naive but very ignorant in the way you analyze the things of the world.

Allow the man divorce his wife o'jare!

ADURA123:


I am not divorcing to remarry, I want to be alone and be free. Thank you

The only advice I can give is to marry a second woman. It will help you a lot

NoChill:
■ The only advice I can give is to marry a second woman. It will help you a lot

Yes, because women are nothing but accessories to servicing a man's needs and nothing more, abi?

kunle75:
Oga good woman no dey outside oooo,I warned you now. If she's not cheating on you with those excuses, I will advise you get side chick and act along,it will save you alot. Getting a new wife won't solve the issue I swear. Get yourself one small young girl and make sure you go with your sense to protect yourself at all times.
Also make it known from the onset that na only knacking period,thanks me later

I hope that when your wife gets herself a side-dick for any reason there is, you will be equally fine with it.

RALPHOW:


Side chick is fornication
Marry second wife and pay her dowry

In Christianity, marrying more than one wife is adultery, so whether you married more than one wife or married one and got a side chick, both of you are committing same sin of adultery.



The only acceptable standard is marry one wife and be faithful to her, if you cannot, any other route you follow is sin, no short cut

@ADURA123,

I went through at least 10 pages before posting my view on this.

We do have a few things in common. I believe in working hard to take care of the family and at the very least in a union, everyone should play the part they have positioned themselves for.

Two areas that affect the marriages are sex and money issues. A third one is children decisions. Sex is so much important that apart from violence and infidelity reasons, a party not fulfilling their conjugal duties is also grounds for divorce in court.

Whomever is not ready for sex in marriage should not even undertake that task. That's why marriage is not for kids.

ADURA123, you have the finances covered by having a savings habit that will secure the future for decades to come. Please don't give a heed to those who believe in eating their savings. Some families still manage that 100k as a combined income. You might however increase it based on recent inflation. If this would affect your investment savings, you could consider that extra side hustle you've put aside all this while. Everything will add up with time.

Your intimacy game is top notch considering most Nigerian men do not believe in going down on their woman and that's a pointer that her clitoris wasn't circumcised. If she enjoys it too, and you're not a low timer man, why should she deny you? Excessive "I am tired" is not doing her any good here.

One aspect where you're feeling betrayed is that if your best friend could deny you, surely any other woman has a higher chance of doing same and probably much more. This is why you are not even considering remarrying. I guess resenting her is probably happening too.

Still with all this, you plan on setting her with a million and I believe you would still send monthly upkeep. I assume making regular calls to the family from your new base and occasional visits so as not to make the vacuum too obvious. I respect your planning of not making your absence felt.

I feel your wife is being comfortable that you would not cheat. Your dad's advice is honorable. After all, it is this same nairaland that even feminists say that if a man is not satisfied with just one woman, he should divorce and not bring diseases home to an innocent woman. Also, you seem to have agreed with her on no second wife despite your religion allowing it.

Finally, after telling her to change for 6 years and you feel you were simply used as a child making factory for the early years, you've had enough and you wish to have a good life and enjoy what your expectations should be. You're not wrong doing so.

Then I came to 4-5 times a week and two hours a session, brother, I want to tell you to instantly ignore all I posted above as it does not apply to you.

A weekly average of 3 times a week well spaced would do you both a refreshing romantic marriage till your old days. A Google search would point to once a week. There really is truth to Wifey's claim to tiredness.

Find a way to work it out with your lovely woman. You already have everything.

Maybe reduce the length of the sessions or reduce the number of times per week. Either of this would help. You don't have an issue dear.

Wishing you well - Teemy

Bad

Offpointng:


Of all things wey u talk Nothing pain me pass this one wey u talk. Aunty na ur FAMILY wey dey synonymous to wretchedness and poverty, not Africa.

How dare you get so brain washed that you have to call the Motherland what slave masters want you to believe??

No Phones and Computers in the world will function if Cobalt are not sourced from Africa.

France are rich today cuz of Gold from Africa

USA don't have oil but are oil richest today cuz of Oil theft from Africa

Africa is saving the world from Climate change effects cuz of It's large Lithium deposit and Gas

Your likes that use any Oppurtunity to talk down on Africa disgust me so much. Yes Africa are synonymous with Bad leaders, but Poverty and wretchedness?? Never in your life repeat such words. Can you imagine??

Like say they leave the cobalt for u u go know wetin to use am do

Beside US get oil o Mumu for Texas ,Pacific Northwest, New Mexico ,Arizona and that Alaska that they purchased from Russia

SINisSIN:
You want to divorce a good woman and a good home because of low sex drive? Not like she is not responding at all? You want to live alone to explore the world? It is alright. Old age will teach you better by then the good woman would have moved on, good children on their own and yes you will definitely live alone.

Marriage has never been easy, if you don't have this issue with your spouse, another issue will pop up. Believe me that woman is stressed out and emotionally not attached to sex now. Taking care of kids is not easy upon that she is still hustling her own according to you. I have been married for the past 20yrs and I can tell you that women are really trying. Try again to communicate effectively with her and if there are areas to render help at home, please always render the little help you can. She will come around!

Nigerians and blackmail ehn!!! She is a "good" woman who can't offer him what he needs the most. How is she "good" for him? If she is good for you, take her. She is not "good" for OP so let him set her free.

Dminister:
Side chicks have been saving marriages for so many years. Your Dad has refused to tell you the truth because he doesn’t want you to know he cheats. Your wife is a good wife you should learn how to manage your home if it means getting your satisfaction outside. The only problem is don’t keep side chick abreast with your family affairs and learn to create distance. Also learn to use protection. Don’t divorce here because when you ready to remarry again you might meet the worst woman.

Nigerians and blackmail ehn!!! She is a "good" woman who can't offer him what he needs the most. How is she "good" for him? If she is good for you, take her. She is not "good" for OP so let him set her free.

Kobojunkie:
So it is OK for him to commit adultery but not OK for him to get a divorce? What wickedness is this for Pete's sake

Divorce will break the home. If he can keep his adultery on the low, they might do just fine. The rule is not to get caught.

ArcSEMPECJ:
■ Moving to another place and being alone will surely make you to start having multiple sex partners inorder to suppress that anger or stubborn thoughts you felt your wife has or had...What you should do is to first calm down, give yourself some sort of psychological evaluation that your wife denying you Sex shouldn't break your hard earn 10 years marriage...( Atleast not after she has given it to you countless times that even gave you lovely kids) Just try and push on this first then let's see how it works ....because from the qualities you gave this your wife, she is atleast 80% good cumulatively... Have you tried taking her out to another country where only two of you will go as the kids stay back Bring up those days you were busy plotting your dangerous ways of approaching and getting her to be yours .....remember that first hot love making you had with her, use that method to introduce it back, and watch as she gives it to you back to back Bro, pls spice up your marriage with a hot blowing vacation....From your monthly worth, you can easily do it than divorcing an innocent woman that is seeing you not spicing your marriage...Atimes na we dey run ourselves into what is not looking for us ...(Divorce)

Nigerians and blackmail ehn!!! She is a "good" woman who can't offer him what he needs the most. How is she "good" for him? If she is good for you, take her. She is not "good" for OP so let him set her free.

Acidosis:
You no try, sir. You earn 700k and all you have to spend on your family with kids is 100k every month, leaving your wife to cook, clean, wash, do nanny work and market runs, and probably still do her regular job, and you expect her to give you hot sex? With which energy, please? The same energy you could have preserved by spending extra 50k on a good cleaner or cook?

Give yourself a heavy knock on the head.

What are writing, is it everyday you clean your house vigorously?

Oga when i was younger, my mum would cook for a whole month on one Saturday and put all in the freezer.
You don’t any reasonable point. Someone earning 700k in Nigeria, do you think he goes to work to play?? Do you know the emotional trauma some people endure to keep their jobs? Is wanting sex from his wife out of place? From the look of things she refuses him sex for an extended period of time.

Well I can’t advise OP

I would maintain my stance, marry someone that matches your sexual energy. You see early he/she doesn’t like sex and you like sex. Madam/Oga don’t marry him/her, leave him/her! Or it would end in tears

ADURA123:


Yes, I am willing she is a wonderful woman , the only problem is what I mentioned.

please kindly work things out with her.
Child birth does a lot in women's body..

seyijosh:
This is called mid marriage challenge, where one of the partners become unattractive and sex drives/Interest becomes zero as partner.
My advice, rent another small apartment far from the house and only go home weekends or once in a while. Explain to her. and enjoy bachelor life again. You will be surprised how the chemistry will be rekindled and the urge will be fired back. just imagine the boyfriend/ girlfriend kind of relationship back then. You both love each other but you need some space. That wife you have is a good wife and you both have invested good 10years together. Divorce is not an option just some space to find each other again. Nothing is out there my brother.

Nigerians and blackmail ehn!!! She is a "good" woman who can't offer him what he needs the most. How is she "good" for him? If she is good for you, take her. She is not "good" for OP so let him set her free.

Bro everything is wrong with your decision to divorce your wife. If not having enough sex is the only excuse you have. I'm a widower for the past 6 year, I desired to be happy again, but can't find that woman anywhere. Be careful before you take a decision you will regret for the rest of your life. Do everything you can to get the best in your marriage. You may marry another woman with big butt, and bursty breast and may give you a mind blowing sex, but at the end you may not have peace compared to the one your wife gives. No woman can give you everything you desired in marriage. You listed some exceptional qualities your wife possesses, why not build your marriage around them and have a happy home? One love bro 😍

smasher1:
I'm a man. From all you wrote up there, you should not divorce her. It may affect you. We usually end up marrying the person that may not be the type we like, but we nonetheless manage them. They end up in reality being better than the ones we love but don't want to marry us. I understand your concerns, but as long as what you wrote their is valid, manage that marriage. You ain't getting younger. She's a good person in my opinion. Continue in the marriage.

Nigerians and blackmail ehn!!! She is a "good" woman who can't offer him what he needs the most. How is she "good" for him? If she is good for you, take her. She is not "good" for OP so let him set her free.

Validated:
You are very selfish. For 5 years, your wife detests love making with you? Have you checked that you are clean, no body or ordour, do you bath twice a day (many Nigerians do not)? If your hygiene is okay, take her to a good hospital to assess her hormonal spectrum. You married a good wife but want to destroy your family because of ojukokoro. That one you are eyeing will one day become wowor too

Nigerians and blackmail ehn!!! She is a "good" woman who can't offer him what he needs the most. How is she "good" for him? If she is good for you, take her. She is not "good" for OP so let him set her free.

WetSmoke:
This OP is just an evil man. That good woman doesn’t deserve you.

Nigerians and blackmail ehn!!! She is a "good" woman who can't offer him what he needs the most. How is she "good" for him? If she is good for you, take her. She is not "good" for OP so let him set her free.

Kobojunkie:
Nigerians and blackmail ehn!!! She is a "good" woman who can't offer him what he needs the most. How is she "good" for him? If she is good for you, take her. She is not "good" for OP so let him set her free.

Seems like you don't know what marriage is all about or you are not yet married....
Do you know this woman cooks for OP?

She can't offer it because of some reasons best known to her....and it is the duty of the Husband to checkmate the issue...

If she is contradicting matters and lacks some other qualities apart from satisfying the OP....I would gladly agree with you ...

My advice, if you love your wife this much please don't divorce her you can get the sex somewhere else, but don't have kids with another woman unless your wife.

Use protection always if you decide to play away.

I repeat don't make babies with a different woman.
Keep loving your wife and kids.

✌️

greypencils:
Divorce will break the home. If he can keep his adultery on the low, they might do just fine. The rule is not to get caught.

If your woman resorted to getting herself a side-dick as well, would you equally be fine so long as she is not caught by you too? Definitely, others will catch on and probably know of it but you, so will you be fine with that too? Cause I see you lot prescribing a medicine that you probably wouldn't expect anyone to dish out to you.

Kobojunkie:
I hope that when your wife gets herself a side-dick for any reason there is, you will be equally fine with it.

I was already, your opinion is secondary bro

My take on this is very simple

We are in advance world where everything work.

Apply wisdom as a man.

Just express yourself to her very well, if she fails to hear you out, visit a doctor, their drugs that will make her want sex every time you need it

If she refuses to take the drugs, then apply man wisdom, just cook for her or give her drink. This shouldn't give you headaches.

Spiritually women are another thing, don't marry another person so that you won't come down or go broke, most of the ladies you're seeing outside have been used. It takes grace of God to break free if you encounter it.

Divorce or staying alone is not good for you sir, just visit doctor, the will give you drugs. Just put it inside her drinks to arose her stimuli. I'm very sure you will get tired of sex.

Their are many things you can do sir, we're in era where we get everything in one person

God will help you sir, I understand you have high libido and she's having low libido, so the proper way to fight this is to visit a good doctor

God bless your home, devil will not come in between you sir.

Don't leave her, wisdom is profitable

ADURA123:
Good evening fellow NL members,
My story may be long but pls endeavor to read to the end so that you can make proper suggestions or advice.

I have been married for more than 10yrs now with beautiful kids, my marriage is one that many Young guy will wish to have, but along the the line I don't know what happened things begin to nose dive. In the last 6yrs I discovered that I struggle to make love to my wife, she will either tell you ohh, she is tire or she don't like sex much..this I have endured for all this years with no cheating.
Her qualities are
She can cook
She can keep the house clean
She can manage resources
And she is accommodating to my people
In all this years I have never cheated on her, proudly saying it coz my dad warned me of cheating on my wife rather I should divorce her and go for another wife.

My qualities are
I work and earn like about 700k net a month.
I give feeding allowance and personal total of 100k a month while I invest the rest on a project which she is aware of.
I don't drink or smoke
I don't keep late night
and I am the best friend to her and my kids.
Honestly having talk to her for over 5yrs on this issues of love making and she refused to change, then I have decided to yield to my dad advice and ask her to leave...she is not aware of this plan, but trust me it will hit her.
I allow her to do little job to have her own finance is not as if she contribute anything in the house, but she is claiming stubborn, I love her so much, it will hurt me to cheat on her, something I have not done since I got married to her.
I plan moving to a new place in February, and she doesn't fit into my plans.

My decision between now and December is
1 Avoid asking her for lobe making
2 Continue taking care of her so she won't suspect anything
3 when she comes close I avoid her.
4 February I issues divorce papers and give her like 1m to go get her life back

Is there anything more I can do for her?
Advice me pls...

Acidosis:
You no try, sir. You earn 700k and all you have to spend on your family with kids is 100k every month, leaving your wife to cook, clean, wash, do nanny work and market runs, and probably still do her regular job, and you expect her to give you hot sex? With which energy, please? The same energy you could have preserved by spending extra 50k on a good cleaner or cook?

Give yourself a heavy knock on the head.

One bottle of Alomo bitters for you bro👍👍👍

ArcSEMPECJ:
■ Seems like you don't know what marriage is all about or you are not yet married....
Do you know this woman cooks for OP? She can't offer it because of some reasons best known to her....and it is the duty of the Husband to checkmate the issue... If she is contradicting matters and lacks some other qualities apart from satisfying the OP....I would gladly agree with you ...

Stop pretending that all marriages run on a template. People marry for different reasons. OP's idea of marriage is not the same as yours obviously so stop trying to blackmail him using standards that are yours and not his.

ACE1010:
■ Bro everything is wrong with your decision to divorce your wife. If not having enough sex is the only excuse you have. I'm a widower for the past 6 year, I desired to be happy again, but can't find that woman anywhere. Be careful before you take a decision you will regret for the rest of your life. Do everything you can to get the best in your marriage. You may marry another woman with big butt, and bursty breast and may give you a mind blowing sex, but at the end you may not have peace compared to the one your wife gives. No woman can give you everything you desired in marriage. You listed some exceptional qualities your wife possesses, why not build your marriage around them and have a happy home? One love bro 😍

Your standards are not the same as OPs, so you do you while you allow him to do him.

Kobojunkie:
Nigerians and blackmail ehn!!! She is a "good" woman who can't offer him what he needs the most. How is she "good" for him? If she is good for you, take her. She is not "good" for OP so let him set her free.

What that how he met her?? Answer!!!

WetSmoke:
■ What that how he met her?? Answer!!!

It doesn't matter. As he said, she is no longer to his spec or maybe never was to begin with.

Kobojunkie:
Stop pretending that all marriages run on a template. People marry for different reasons. OP's idea of marriage is not the same as yours obviously so stop trying to blackmail him using standards that are yours and not his.

Lols which standards are you referring to? For heaven's sake, we are talking about human beings here....

You don't impose yourself on your fellow human because you feel you married them....

That you have a dog at home doesn't mean you should treat the dog like an animal simply because your standard says "it is a dog "....

You should treat your wife as a human being who has feelings and a say of her own than thinking your nonsense standard MUST be met...

The best the O.P can do is to get himself a sex doll....because even the most sex addict of a woman on Earth will sometimes feel like not having sex for months even years.....

So advice the OP to buy sex dulls that he can impose his standard on and it won't complain....

altteemy:
@ADURA123,

I went through at least 10 pages before posting my view on this.

We do have a few things in common. I believe in working hard to take care of the family and at the very least in a union, everyone should play the part they have positioned themselves for.

Two areas that affect the marriages are sex and money issues. A third one is children decisions. Sex is so much important that apart from violence and infidelity reasons, a party not fulfilling their conjugal duties is also grounds for divorce in court.

Whomever is not ready for sex in marriage should not even undertake that task. That's why marriage is not for kids.

ADURA123, you have the finances covered by having a savings habit that will secure the future for decades to come. Please don't give a heed to those who believe in eating their savings. Some families still manage that 100k as a combined income. You might however increase it based on recent inflation. If this would affect your investment savings, you could consider that extra side hustle you've put aside all this while. Everything will add up with time.

Your intimacy game is top notch considering most Nigerian men do not believe in going down on their woman and that's a pointer that her clitoris wasn't circumcised. If she enjoys it too, and you're not a low timer man, why should she deny you? Excessive "I am tired" is not doing her any good here.

One aspect where you're feeling betrayed is that if your best friend could deny you, surely any other woman has a higher chance of doing same and probably much more. This is why you are not even considering remarrying. I guess resenting her is probably happening too.

Still with all this, you plan on setting her with a million and I believe you would still send monthly upkeep. I assume making regular calls to the family from your new base and occasional visits so as not to make the vacuum too obvious. I respect your planning of not making your absence felt.

I feel your wife is being comfortable that you would not cheat. Your dad's advice is honorable. After all, it is this same nairaland that even feminists say that if a man is not satisfied with just one woman, he should divorce and not bring diseases home to an innocent woman. Also, you seem to have agreed with her on no second wife despite your religion allowing it.

Finally, after telling her to change for 6 years and you feel you were simply used as a child making factory for the early years, you've had enough and you wish to have a good life and enjoy what your expectations should be. You're not wrong doing so.

Then I came to 4-5 times a week and [b]two hours a session, brother, I want to tell you to instantly ignore all I posted above as it does not apply to you

A weekly average of 3 times a week well spaced would do you both a refreshing romantic marriage till your old days. A Google search would point to once a week. There really is truth to Wifey's claim to tiredness
Find a way to work it out with your lovely woman. You already have everything.

Maybe reduce the length of the sessions or reduce the number of times per week. Either of this would help. You don't have an issue dear.

Wishing you well - Teemy

I hope the OP will listen to your advice especially the last paragraph.

I am still waiting for the woman that won't complain about OP's request and it's even 2 rounds per session.

E no fit happen for this Lagos we dey hustle so.

It's a serious something!!!