Kobojunkie:
You folks are wicked and don't even realize it at all. So you are advising OP to commit adultery all so he can avoid divorce which is legal and the sensible thing to do in his situation?

If your own wife turns to cheating rather than divorcing you when she realizes she no longer loves you, would you equally be happy with that?

There are different approaches to solve every problem in marriage, OP did not talk about love, abusive or any other problems but sex, which is quite different to love.

I only suggested a solution to him since the only reason he wanted to divorce his wife is sex. He is an adult, so it is left for him to take or reject it. Leaving a woman and her children because you want to be free to enjoy yourself seem selfish to me. Besides, he said he won't be marrying another woman, which means he is free to date different women at will, so what differentiate him and those that have side chicks.

As for If i can accept same from my wife, there is different between a wife who doesn't love you again and started cheating and what op is talking about. Since you based your assumption on Love, there is no reason any right thinking man would keep a wife who cheat and doesn't love you anymore.

Having weighted the option, it is fair to say he can temporarily seek for casual sex instead of putting his wife and children in perpetual psychological pains. A man who have a good wife but only want to divorce her because of sex is just a pretender. He is probably being faithful to her because he doesn't have options or opportunity to date another woman, because if his wife is so good as he described in his post, I don't think he would be thinking about divorce because of sex.

Acidosis:


Workload is the amount of work you'd prefer your wife to do to the point of exhaustion, rather than spending 2% of your income on a cleaner.

Y'all wicked men will buy expensive phones for your girlfriends that contribute absolutely nothing to your lives, but watch your wife at home work herself to a state of exhaustion and unconsciousness.

Can I give you E-hug, please?
You're making lots of sense.

Acidosis:


Workload is the amount of work you'd prefer your wife to do to the point of exhaustion, rather than spending 2% of your income on a cleaner.

Y'all wicked men will buy expensive phones for your girlfriends that contribute absolutely nothing to your lives, but watch your wife at home work herself to a state of exhaustion and unconsciousness.

Stop typing rubbish just to be seen as woke and have your post liked by the female gender.
A wife who contributes nothing to the finances of her supposed home should at least compensate by cleaning up the house and cooking for her family. 100k is some people's two months salary! There are women who contribute equal amount of money to their families' finances, yet still cook, clean and fvck their husbands without complaints, so stop making senseless excuses for op's wife!

Father4all:
I don't know why people are lying in this formum. Some will come saying they earn 500k a month, some will say 700k. Is it not the same Nigeria that there is no work no money, no food that we all are living? Where are you guys seeing the jobs and big big monthly pay? Nigerians are indeed hypocrite and liars

What are you talking about?
Na wa for you o!

I have a friend working in Apapa whose monthly net pay is slightly above N1.2m. A chartered accountant, have a master's degree and other certifications.

So why are doubting that someone is earning N700,000? Just keep on upgrading yourself and praying for God's divine favour and breakthrough? With God, nothing is impossible, ok?

yemmit90:
■ There are different approaches to solve every problem in marriage, OP did not talk about love, abusive or any other problems but sex, which is quite different to love.
I only suggested a solution to him since the only reason he wanted to divorce his wife is sex. He is an adult, so it is left for him to take or reject it. Leaving a woman and her children because you want to be free to enjoy yourself seem selfish to me. Besides, he said he won't be marrying another woman, which means he is free to date different women at will, so what differentiate him and those that have side chicks.
■ As for If i can accept same from my wife, there is different between a wife who doesn't love you again and started cheating and what op is talking about. Since you based your assumption on Love, there is no reason any right thinking man would keep a wife who cheat and doesn't love you anymore. Having weighted the option, it is fair to say he can temporarily seek for casual sex instead of putting his wife and children in perpetual psychological pains. A man who have a good wife but only want to divorce her because of sex is just a pretender. He is probably being faithful to her because he doesn't have options or opportunity to date another woman, because If his wife is so good as he described in his post, I don't think he would be thinking about divorce because of sex.

Adultery is a solution to solving a marriage problem? Unbelievable! You don't see that what OP wants to do is in fact more humane than your suggestion that he cheat on his wife while remaining married to her?

2. I didn't base it at all on love. I asked you whether if your wife turned to having a side-dick in order to get fulfillment for one deficiency or another she perceives in your person, you would be OK with that too. That is after all the reason why you are prescribing adultery as a solution in marriage for OP here. But see how twisted and convoluted you got without actually responding directly to what I asked.

ADURA123:
Good evening fellow NL members,
My story may be long but pls endeavor to read to the end so that you can make proper suggestions or advice.

I have been married for more than 10yrs now with beautiful kids, my marriage is one that many Young guy will wish to have, but along the the line I don't know what happened things begin to nose dive. In the last 6yrs I discovered that I struggle to make love to my wife, she will either tell you ohh, she is tire or she don't like sex much..this I have endured for all this years with no cheating.
Her qualities are
She can cook
She can keep the house clean
She can manage resources
And she is accommodating to my people
In all this years I have never cheated on her, proudly saying it coz my dad warned me of cheating on my wife rather I should divorce her and go for another wife.

My qualities are
I work and earn like about 700k net a month.
I give feeding allowance and personal total of 100k a month while I invest the rest on a project which she is aware of.
I don't drink or smoke
I don't keep late night
and I am the best friend to her and my kids.
Honestly having talk to her for over 5yrs on this issues of love making and she refused to change, then I have decided to yield to my dad advice and ask her to leave...she is not aware of this plan, but trust me it will hit her.
I allow her to do little job to have her own finance is not as if she contribute anything in the house, but she is claiming stubborn, I love her so much, it will hurt me to cheat on her, something I have not done since I got married to her.
I plan moving to a new place in February, and she doesn't fit into my plans.

My decision between now and December is
1 Avoid asking her for lobe making
2 Continue taking care of her so she won't suspect anything
3 when she comes close I avoid her.
4 February I issues divorce papers and give her like 1m to go get her life back

Is there anything more I can do for her?
Advice me pls...

mark this any where
You will regret if you live that woman

At OP
1. Employ investigator to monitor your wife for 6 months... she may not cheat physically but some women have emotional affairs and the feeling for their husband touch /sex with their husband dies ..
2. Evaluate if she is depressed, some woman become depressed once they can't make their own money ... most woman want to be in charge of their lifes .. women with good upbringing and values still place marital bliss / her home above individual wants ...

3. Tame your sex drive...most married woman use sex to manipulate and suppress their husband, once they know firmly their husband is very disciplined with regards to committing adultery

4. Do you have strong circle of trusted friends.. you chill out with to map out Business deals / investment and career progression e.t.c .. Dude invest more of your energy and time in those venture .... enjoy life but be weary of women of ease virtue

Closing.. Your father gave you a solid advice (stick with it)... don't cheat on your wife .. it's for your own Good..Some people glory and fulfilment of destiny are tied to been faithful in marriage, once you start sleeping around ...watch that space.

P.s making 700k Net should huge you to make more .. 14 years ago that same Nigeria (when still living there), we were making #950k Net working in Oil & gas IOC, without other benefits oo .. so guy focus !


Ire O

The OP is not alone as many men find that after 2 kids a LOT of women lose interest in sex and the man and switch all their attention to the kids to the chagrin of the man who must deal daily with early morning erection.

What women don't understand was well put by the late well respected Pastor Dr Myles Munroe who said preached in the below video that The Number One Need Of A Male Is Sex.

In the video, Dr Myles Munroe told his female church members that if they thought that their husband was possessed by a demon by asking them for sex frequently, then he himself is possessed by the same demon their husbands have.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58uUc8Qdb7Q

Ilekokonit:
■ The OP is not alone as many men find that after 2 kids a LOT of women lose interest in sex and the man and switch all their attention to the kids to the chagrin of the man who must deal daily with early morning erection.
What women don't understand was well put by the late well respected Pastor Dr Myles Munroe who said preached in the below video that The Number One Need Of A Male Is Sex.
In the video, Dr Myles Munroe told his female church members that if they thought that their husband was possessed by a demon by asking them for sex frequently, then he himself was possessed by the same demon their husbands have.

So, if your claim is that a man needs sex and after 2 babies a woman is unable to give it, many men should forego marriage altogether and just be content with paying prostitutes instead for sex. Doesn't that solve the problem there? .

ADURA123:


I am not divorcing to remarry, I want to be alone and be free. Thank you

And be knocking free. Remember HIV dey town o.

ADURA123:
Good evening fellow NL members,
My story may be long but pls endeavor to read to the end so that you can make proper suggestions or advice.

I have been married for more than 10yrs now with beautiful kids, my marriage is one that many Young guy will wish to have, but along the the line I don't know what happened things begin to nose dive. In the last 6yrs I discovered that I struggle to make love to my wife, she will either tell you ohh, she is tire or she don't like sex much..this I have endured for all this years with no cheating.
Her qualities are
She can cook
She can keep the house clean
She can manage resources
And she is accommodating to my people
In all this years I have never cheated on her, proudly saying it coz my dad warned me of cheating on my wife rather I should divorce her and go for another wife.

My qualities are
I work and earn like about 700k net a month.
I give feeding allowance and personal total of 100k a month while I invest the rest on a project which she is aware of.
I don't drink or smoke
I don't keep late night
and I am the best friend to her and my kids.
Honestly having talk to her for over 5yrs on this issues of love making and she refused to change, then I have decided to yield to my dad advice and ask her to leave...she is not aware of this plan, but trust me it will hit her.
I allow her to do little job to have her own finance is not as if she contribute anything in the house, but she is claiming stubborn, I love her so much, it will hurt me to cheat on her, something I have not done since I got married to her.
I plan moving to a new place in February, and she doesn't fit into my plans.

My decision between now and December is
1 Avoid asking her for lobe making
2 Continue taking care of her so she won't suspect anything
3 when she comes close I avoid her.
4 February I issues divorce papers and give her like 1m to go get her life back

Is there anything more I can do for her?
Advice me pls...

Have you discussed the issue of marrying a second wife with her?
It's not cheating if she agrees to your marrying a second wife.

I won't suggest divorce hence her low libido is the problem but could she be cheating?
Some women erroneously believe that sex is only for making babies.

Acidosis:


Mr Project, keep your yeye co r.k until you finish your project. No kill pesin daughter! You want her to work like elephant at day and still do vigilante night work because you don't want to spend ordinary 25% of your finance to run your home.

What are you even saying? What of people that earn #50 000 monthly and still enjoy their marriage?

I don't think upkeep money is the problem since the wife don't contribute financially.

Is it because he stated his earning?

ADURA123:
Good evening fellow NL members,
My story may be long but pls endeavor to read to the end so that you can make proper suggestions or advice.

I have been married for more than 10yrs now with beautiful kids, my marriage is one that many Young guy will wish to have, but along the the line I don't know what happened things begin to nose dive. In the last 6yrs I discovered that I struggle to make love to my wife, she will either tell you ohh, she is tire or she don't like sex much..this I have endured for all this years with no cheating.
Her qualities are
She can cook
She can keep the house clean
She can manage resources
And she is accommodating to my people
In all this years I have never cheated on her, proudly saying it coz my dad warned me of cheating on my wife rather I should divorce her and go for another wife.

My qualities are
I work and earn like about 700k net a month.
I give feeding allowance and personal total of 100k a month while I invest the rest on a project which she is aware of.
I don't drink or smoke
I don't keep late night
and I am the best friend to her and my kids.
Honestly having talk to her for over 5yrs on this issues of love making and she refused to change, then I have decided to yield to my dad advice and ask her to leave...she is not aware of this plan, but trust me it will hit her.
I allow her to do little job to have her own finance is not as if she contribute anything in the house, but she is claiming stubborn, I love her so much, it will hurt me to cheat on her, something I have not done since I got married to her.
I plan moving to a new place in February, and she doesn't fit into my plans.

My decision between now and December is
1 Avoid asking her for lobe making
2 Continue taking care of her so she won't suspect anything
3 when she comes close I avoid her.
4 February I issues divorce papers and give her like 1m to go get her life back

Is there anything more I can do for her?
Advice me pls...

Verify if she is not having affair with anybody beside you, if she is faithful like you, then divorce is not the solution my advice to you is go to gynecologist and get some drugs that she will be taking that will makes her always request for sex.
I'm sure you will sleep with her tire

sunnnnyuu:
■ Verify if she is not having affair with anybody beside you, if she is faithful like you, then divorce is not the solution my advice to you is go to gynecologist and get some drugs that she will be taking that will makes her always request for sex.
I'm sure you will sleep with her tire

She needs to be fixed, not OP, the one who is complaining? You lot really believe in your heads that women are there to satisfy your whims, don't you?
He has the problem but the wife should be the one to take the drugs and have to live with side-effects in order that he may be pleased? Incredible monkies you lot are!

ADURA123:


My dad hates cheating, but support divorce...my mum is late

You own your life as an adult, look up to yourself and not your dad. Grow up man, don't lose a good woman because of sex. You may just ask her if she permits you to marry second wife atleast that one will supplement the sex life you are missing and I'm sure she will adjust if you tell her you are taking second wife

I like that you are a man that can control your 3rd leg and thus have avoided more than 50% of problems men get themselves into with the other gender. Since you have spoken to her and she has refused to change I would like to ask if you would be willing to consider a change in environment before you go the path of divorce (that's if at all)? What I mean by a change of environment is to spoil her a little by going for a vacation only with her, doesn't necessarily have to be outside the country but what matters is that it is some alone time for both of you and to be taken care of and not her taking care of others. Women sometimes are like kids and need a little pampering to get their spirits up again.

Another thing to consider is that you could plan to work away from home for nothing less than a week every now and then if you can afford it, when couples get to see each other everyday they tend to loose the sexual fire and resort to living like siblings but some longing can rejuvenate that fire.

oga,pls dont divorce her because of your children what you lack is purely good communication, wake her up in the midnight speak to her how much you love her and don't want to cheat on her and speak about it on your body demand and agree with her on how and when to be meeting she will open up and ask her if you are lacking to meet her need financially and others . it is a matter of agreement and communication

When you have a good wife, you would not know what God did for you, for me oo I would rather have a side chick and leave to bother her for sex and leave with my family together, divorcing her will not bring a good upbringing to your children and children get to adapt and learn from their parents
so this would not affect your children too while growing up

abuhusna1:

You own your life as an adult, look up to yourself and not your dad. Grow up man, don't lose a good woman because of sex. You may just ask her if she permits you to marry second wife atleast that one will supplement the sex life you are missing and I'm sure she will adjust if you tell her you are taking second wife

OP you have a good woman, if she is not cheating and sex is the only problem. My suggestion is you both should try see a sex therapist (Trust me this works). There may be some things you are not doing right in the other room or the way you approach her. Taking a second wife will only make your life hell. And remember you have kids. The solution to your problem is not divorce or second wife.

Kobojunkie:
It doesn't matter. As he said, she is no longer to his spec or maybe never was to begin with.

Never was!! Yet he married her. I am done!

ADURA123:
Good evening fellow NL members,
My story may be long but pls endeavor to read to the end so that you can make proper suggestions or advice.

I have been married for more than 10yrs now with beautiful kids, my marriage is one that many Young guy will wish to have, but along the the line I don't know what happened things begin to nose dive. In the last 6yrs I discovered that I struggle to make love to my wife, she will either tell you ohh, she is tire or she don't like sex much..this I have endured for all this years with no cheating.
Her qualities are
She can cook
She can keep the house clean
She can manage resources
And she is accommodating to my people
In all this years I have never cheated on her, proudly saying it coz my dad warned me of cheating on my wife rather I should divorce her and go for another wife.

My qualities are
I work and earn like about 700k net a month.
I give feeding allowance and personal total of 100k a month while I invest the rest on a project which she is aware of.
I don't drink or smoke
I don't keep late night
and I am the best friend to her and my kids.
Honestly having talk to her for over 5yrs on this issues of love making and she refused to change, then I have decided to yield to my dad advice and ask her to leave...she is not aware of this plan, but trust me it will hit her.
I allow her to do little job to have her own finance is not as if she contribute anything in the house, but she is claiming stubborn, I love her so much, it will hurt me to cheat on her, something I have not done since I got married to her.
I plan moving to a new place in February, and she doesn't fit into my plans.

My decision between now and December is
1 Avoid asking her for lobe making
2 Continue taking care of her so she won't suspect anything
3 when she comes close I avoid her.
4 February I issues divorce papers and give her like 1m to go get her life back

Is there anything more I can do for her?
Advice me pls...

I want to tell you that you have a very good marriage based on your submission here. The only issue here is sex which you can fix. Let me start by saying that that there is no perfect marriage, there will always be something that both couples should work on to fix in their home and make things work. Have you tried to ask her why she is like this toward you on bed. Do you know you can even be the problem here. Finding shows that most men that cannot satisfy their women usually have this issue after giving birth to their Children. She might be keeping to herself probably because you can't make her to enjoy sex. Another reason could be because her sexual feeling is on the down side of which you can fix. Lack of good communication on sex related issue can also be the problem here. I advise you sit her down to talk about this. I will like to talk to you mam to man on this if you wish. Send a mail to me.

WetSmoke:

Never was!! Yet he married her. I am done!

You really want to believe people marry their exact spec or something? Come on now.... you are old enough to use an internet forum like Nairaland so you should at least know for a fact the truth of that?

In Nigeria alone, the vast majority settle in marriage due to societal pressure to settle down, age, etc. They marry the one that is available and not the one they truly desire or are proven compatible with.

Caaz:

You dey his back...when will you have sense at your miserable age?
Your brain didn't synch you that a home is about to be broken,the innocent kids will be the ones to bear the brunt of the divorce.

A foolish and selfish man who termed himself as a husband about to destroy his home with his hand because of his stupid high libido.

Common sense should have told him to seek for hole diggers outside.

And you're stupidly egging him on by saying...I dey your back.
Gaskiya you're an Im.becile

na ur type dey attend burial for a living. Baskard Shebi u dey look for problem? Gaskiya we die here.

Your dad is not God. If sex is your problem go buy intimacy gadget. Why divorce a good woman because if sex? If I'm getting all these from my wife I will worship her

Kobojunkie:
If your woman resorted to getting herself a side-dick as well, would you equally be fine so long as she is not caught by you too? Definitely, others will catch on and probably know of it but you, so will you be fine with that too? Cause I see you lot prescribing a medicine that you probably wouldn't expect anyone to dish out to you.

Sis, the goal is not to get caught. Do your shit if you want. Just don't let me catch you. It's just like if a girl of mine has had a bad sexual history, she is cool if she keeps it to herself as long as I don't find out. What I don't know won't affect me.

Mombebe:

It took me time to reply to your comment because I know all you're commenting was coming from a place of alcohol intoxication.
You have never been married, that's why you can comment rubbish,has your father ever given your mother up to 5k for monthly upkeep before in his lifetime??
Answer..so that I will know the kind of individual I'm dealing with here Nkita.

Well, your father may be stup< !d. Mine's not. In my family, we don't use women the way your father sold your mother into slavery.

...because I advised a man to spend more than 20% of his income in running his home is why you want to kill your father?? Says a lot about your generation's financial status. You will ONLY cry online and hope that you earn enough to take care of your family some day. 30% for a family of 4 no suppose turn to mourning and hot tears.

Apart from generational poverty, there is absolutely no reason why a sane human will wail the way you have done in the last 12 hours.

So after 10 years of her staying with you, you’re going to give her 1million Naira to sort herself. She’s worth just your one month salary and half.
That’s extremely wicked of you.
Na wa.

Can 1million Naira give her back all the wasted years.
Am I the only one that saw that part nii.

NothingDoMe:
You'd be surprised that people still make money in Nigeria. If you're not seeing people who make money then you might need to change your crowd.

Painful that you see a monthly salary of $600 as big big money.

I still stand by my word. You people talk as if it's not this country that all of us are. It amaze me how people became suddenly rich on Internet but in reality they are far below average earners

ADURA123:
Good evening fellow NL members,
My story may be long but pls endeavor to read to the end so that you can make proper suggestions or advice.

I have been married for more than 10yrs now with beautiful kids, my marriage is one that many Young guy will wish to have, but along the the line I don't know what happened things begin to nose dive. In the last 6yrs I discovered that I struggle to make love to my wife, she will either tell you ohh, she is tire or she don't like sex much..this I have endured for all this years with no cheating.
Her qualities are
She can cook
She can keep the house clean
She can manage resources
And she is accommodating to my people
In all this years I have never cheated on her, proudly saying it coz my dad warned me of cheating on my wife rather I should divorce her and go for another wife.

My qualities are
I work and earn like about 700k net a month.
I give feeding allowance and personal total of 100k a month while I invest the rest on a project which she is aware of.
I don't drink or smoke
I don't keep late night
and I am the best friend to her and my kids.
Honestly having talk to her for over 5yrs on this issues of love making and she refused to change, then I have decided to yield to my dad advice and ask her to leave...she is not aware of this plan, but trust me it will hit her.
I allow her to do little job to have her own finance is not as if she contribute anything in the house, but she is claiming stubborn, I love her so much, it will hurt me to cheat on her, something I have not done since I got married to her.
I plan moving to a new place in February, and she doesn't fit into my plans.

My decision between now and December is
1 Avoid asking her for lobe making
2 Continue taking care of her so she won't suspect anything
3 when she comes close I avoid her.
4 February I issues divorce papers and give her like 1m to go get her life back

Is there anything more I can do for her?
Advice me pls...

Since she’s not doing a lot of work, her mind is not so occupied try to get her engaged with more work and find a fvck buddy for yourself. Don’t try to leave your wife because she’s a good person. Just look for a fvck buddy and don’t boast about it to your friends or anything. Be normals and keep your happy family.

Take her to the doctors just in case her issues may be health related

extremelygolden:


What are you talking about?
Na wa for you o!

I have a friend working in Apapa whose monthly net pay is slightly above N1.2m. A chartered accountant, have a master's degree and other certifications.

So why are doubting that someone is earning N700,000? Just keep on upgrading yourself and praying for God's divine favour and breakthrough? With God, nothing is impossible, ok?

If the accountant is earning that much. Then how much is the MD earning. People are just deceiving themselves. That's why the country is like this

optionalY09:
■ Since she’s not doing a lot of work, her mind is not so occupied try to get her engaged with more work and find a fvck buddy for yourself. Don’t try to leave your wife because she’s a good person. Just look for a fvck buddy and don’t boast about it to your friends or anything. Be normals and keep your happy family.

Take her to the doctors just in case her issues may be health related

Like say she be dog wey him go carry go hospital?

Even though Op admits to having what he believes is high libido, the consensus so far seems to be that the woman should undergo fixing/repair/take medicine 💊 in so she can be to the spec of OP'S libido, with little or no care for her as a human being.

Wow...this thread shows how little regard Nigerians really have their fellow human and women.

Kobojunkie:
Like say she be dog wey him go carry go hospital?

he’s her husband it part of love and care to do that. You’re not romantic abeg pack well