Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? - Family (2)

Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? - Family (2) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum › Nairaland General › Family › Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? (27099 Views)

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by Yugoslavia247(m): 10:16am On Sep 17, 2023

My submission is this.

It is man who has worked under people that will value their freedom and want to grow business.

She is eager because she feels if you can do it then she can.

Naso e de be until she starts the job and sees it is not rosy too.

Again why is her catering in the house.

She feels she has no say in the house because she is not really contributing.

Just give her a months of decision making.

Take her advice and suggestions too.

Let her have a say.

Allow her decisions stand no matter how unreasonable it seems.

Especially regarding the children.

Make her feel her suggests do not depend on her financial input.

For that is the issue.

Nobody likes work. But people like to be busy.

1 Like

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by Evergreen4(m): 10:16am On Sep 17, 2023

Na wa, some people no get problem for this life sha. See wetin human being dey complain as challenge

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by olusola200: 10:16am On Sep 17, 2023

No perfect human being

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by DanKano1304: 10:17am On Sep 17, 2023

God bless you

Towma:
Your wife wants more income than what she's currently getting and she doesn't want to depend on anyone for that. I don't know what your personal story is in your family but I feel her catering business isn't going as well as she hoped or it isn't yielding desired profits and she is not comfortable depending on you for her upkeep.

If you two can afford it, hire the services of a good creche or carer for your kids while she does her office work. Let her follow it and hopefully, she would succeed or go far.
It's not advice able for women to not have a source of income they can use in taking care of themselves and kids alone, in case something happens to their husbands.

My two cents.

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by dacool1(m): 10:18am On Sep 17, 2023*

Don't mind all these kids here on nairaland. Don't give up on your ideas. I just think she's having a wrong mindset thinking it's a control mechanism or she lacks indepth understanding of the subject matter or she's selfish. Forget all these independent talks from people here.

How is she independent when she will be controlled by a coy, she prefers to work for other people's organization than to work for her family. Most women have this problem.

If she doesn't understand the pros and cons of her decisions, try educating her but if you sense she's putting herself ahead of the family, you will have to appeal to her selfish nature by making her see from how it benefits her more.

It's most likely she wants to have some level of freedom to move around without getting queried. If this is the issue, just plan your retirement without her in the picture for now. When she's about 50years old she'll come around.

For those saying she needs more income, what's the income going to be used for. I hope you all read where he said all expenses are catered for by him. Plus she makes more from her current business.

5 Likes

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by okine4real: 10:18am On Sep 17, 2023

OP send me a nairaland mail. I go mail you back, then I go ask you to send me your phone no, no worry, I go call you, even if we dey on one hour call. I nor fit say make you put your phone no here. Me done marry for like 11 years and get 4 children, so may be my advice for help you.

1 Like

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by jaxxy(m): 10:21am On Sep 17, 2023*

Applying for a customer service position?? How much will they pay her for that??

The only reason she can or should get or accept a job is if its super high paying or its inline with her profession and giving her vital experience.

Anything other than these 2 reasons is not acceptable and u should question her real motives and intention.

why would a lady who is already well catered for want to leave her opportunity to start and grow a business for just any lousy 9-5 job? undecided

5 Likes

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by Dennisochampa: 10:24am On Sep 17, 2023

Your wife may have passion for working under people which I find strange especially given the fact that she currently doesn't lack anything.
That's one thing with all these career women.
Not until their career costs them their homes and happiness, they will never be wise.
Let me tell you what I think will happen...
When you're kids are a little older and your wife gets a demanding job, you will be compelled to hire a house help because she can no longer cope with house chores, work and catering for the kids and if the house help is pretty, you will either bang her and get her pregnant because she's doing what you'd wife isn't, or you will get depressed and tired of complaining and begin to cheat....
If all you have said so far is exactly what is happening, then you're not unreasonable, you're not selfish..you're just a typical man looking out for his family and trying to secure a future.
If your wife is sensible and can see the future, she will become flexible and try to adapt to your dreams for the family.
Keep trying to make her see reasons that the path she's threading now will make things only get worse for your family.
I wonder who have the opportunity to be her own boss but still chooses to be answering sir and ma up and down.
May God help you and protect your home and family..... Amen

2 Likes

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by NorthernersSuck: 10:25am On Sep 17, 2023

TimT:
Next time go straight to the point... How much you make, How much your father makes, where you or your father works. All these are quite unnecessary for we to hear... we don't need it ..

Suffice to say, let your wife be who she wants to be... She's your wife, not your child for you to control...
Free her..
You yourself, you can take over your father's business, then someday hand it down to your child...
But as for madam, all she need from you is your support...

Be calming down small small, E never reach fighting naw.

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by BlueAir: 10:25am On Sep 17, 2023

I suspect u have a competitive wife. Checkmate her else she'll find one useless reason to break up ur nuclear family. She's on that path.

EkelediliBuhari:
Thanks for your impute.

She has passion for catering, nothing she loves more, she refused to make cloths after learning and buying equipment.

The only problem in working is the rat race never ends… and she won’t want to be a disappointment by quitting after sometime. She will want to prove that she can do it knowing who she is…

For making money, she makes money yes… am also 100% confident she can make x5 her present profit margins in the near future if she keeps her present work rate.

1 Like

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by whitebeard(m): 10:27am On Sep 17, 2023

Op this isn't a matter of your wife's selfishness, remove that part.

Thing is your wife, she has quite an interesting perception of things. She has a chance to inherit a firm or be a major stakeholder at another but instead she chooses to apply for low paying job.

This is about a matter of person, honestly you guys need to sit down and have "the talk" of this issue.

Ask her why, she prolly has a reason, maybe she wants to develop herself on her own, whatever the reason she gives, OP listen and you two should work on it, I am sensing both of you will have to make a compromise here if she still insist on applying for those jobs.

Have the talk, get a clear picture of her perception first, that's the first step.

1 Like

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by TimT: 10:28am On Sep 17, 2023

NorthernersSuck:
Be calming down small small, E never reach fighting naw.

Lol...

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by Dennisochampa: 10:29am On Sep 17, 2023

JASONjnr:
Why are you trying so much to align your wife with your dad?

Do you think she will be comfortable around him?

And from all what you wrote it seems you're the only making the decisions and planning....and if she's not yielding, you get nuts.

Someone said up there that you should give her support.

I will say guide her through her desires. If she wants to work to earn. Allow her, get a nanny to look after the kids and probably she will learn about being a boss. She will get experience from working for people.

Just let her chose her path and while you design your retirement.

But how do people make millions monthly in this Nigeria?😳😳

....
Get a nanny?
Despite everything nanny does to kids, you advise him to get a nanny when his wife have the option of doing her own business and still have time for her family?
What if he gets a nanny from hell that will only teach the kids evil?
The kids are still tender and whatever they will become in future depends alot on the kind of characters they grow with.
God help me but I will never willingly choose for my kids to grow in the hands of a nanny.
I don't understand who have the opportunity to be her own boss but chooses to work in an office where she will most likely start from the scratch.. And so help her God, she may even have a boss who will be eyeing her.... Na wa o... Women Sha... They can never he satisfied

2 Likes

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by occfx: 10:32am On Sep 17, 2023

EkelediliBuhari:
Let’s agree this is my story….

Pardon my long write up but I needed to get a perspective from a fresh eye/mind. I’m married for 3 years now with 2infants.

Am I overthinking or does my wife have other plans?

My dad is an established accountant with over 3 decades of experience at the highest level of his occupation in 2 multinationals. He is now retired and consults. Presently, he lives a day at a times cos he barely has plans for his firm (he is over 70 and doesn’t have anybody he’s training his my mom).

I have a good career earning almost a million monthly with side gigs that keeps me liquid (meeting all my family’s basic needs). Monthly upkeep of 200k mainly for feeding while I pay utilities and still bring out cash (no fixed amount) from time to time. Presently am setting up a firm for contracting and consultancy.

My wife is a caterer (she loves cooking and baking) whom I have supported over the years. She has gotten much better and I have invested in her business. Presently she has all the basic requirements for her work and she works from home. We live in a 4 bed and converted one to her studio (fully furnished - AC tables shelves etc).

Over the years I have encouraged her to focus on entrepreneurship. This will give her total control of her time. This way the kids get her attention while she handles business which I hope to one day retire into. I make sure she doesn’t contribute her personal funds to the home as I advise her to save for rain days. I have encouraged her to work closely with my dad to earn experience as they share same profession hopefully take over the firm in time while I groom mine for which she is the major shareholder (I’m not even a shareholder).

Overall, do not look for a 9-5 like me, let’s grow a business.

However, she applies for jobs here and there. Just this morning she woke up as early as 4:30am applying for a customer service position and had to wake me up to correct her cover note.

At this point I feel like giving up on her. I feel she just wants to have a paying Job for whatever reason. But I know know the downsides; no time for the kids, 40-80% of income goes on expenses, work stress, regrets - now you can’t quit because you have to prove you can do it.

Am I being unreasonable telling her not to work and focus on developing her business skills?

NB: I have never discouraged her in her business rather encouraged/ advised and funded.

Modified: for those insisting I let her be, how do we plan our future if we share separate visions?? When has working ever made anyone rich??

If she gets an IOC opportunity I’ll definitely support tho, but these are not the toes she’s applying for 100k -300k

Humans always want what they don't have. She just want to feel classy in suite and cooperate wears. Possibly get admirers from other men. Family business is important for future and rainy days if she does not understand, get your siblings or someone you trust to come in and run it. Let her do whatever she wants at her own risk and expense. The problem with marriage is whatever the other party does wrongly must affect the other party. When she start working make sure she contributes to the welfare of the family

1 Like

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by SIMPonPatrol(m): 10:36am On Sep 17, 2023

Marriage wahala on a Sunday morning

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by Kobicove(m): 10:43am On Sep 17, 2023

Not everyone can withstand stress of running and growing a business in Nigeria undecided

1 Like

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by EndRape2(f): 10:44am On Sep 17, 2023

She might not like staying at home, neigbours hardly respect a woman at home, why not open her business outside your home, a mini fast food and bakery? Where she has to wake up and go to, not staying doors?

Also why do you want her to drop her own vision for yours? I think accepting her own vision, and helping her to buikd it, will bring peace in your home, some women can not be entrepreneurs, they prefer office work

You do not have problem in your marriage, just do not let foolish people advice you otherwise.

Open her bakery office outside the house
Or. Let her start the job.

2 Likes

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by JagabanB: 10:46am On Sep 17, 2023

EkelediliBuhari:
Let’s agree this is my story….

Pardon my long write up but I needed to get a perspective from a fresh eye/mind. I’m married for 3 years now with 2infants.

Am I overthinking or does my wife have other plans?

My dad is an established accountant with over 3 decades of experience at the highest level of his occupation in 2 multinationals. He is now retired and consults. Presently, he lives a day at a times cos he barely has plans for his firm (he is over 70 and doesn’t have anybody he’s training his my mom).

I have a good career earning almost a million monthly with side gigs that keeps me liquid (meeting all my family’s basic needs). Monthly upkeep of 200k mainly for feeding while I pay utilities and still bring out cash (no fixed amount) from time to time. Presently am setting up a firm for contracting and consultancy.

My wife is a caterer (she loves cooking and baking) whom I have supported over the years. She has gotten much better and I have invested in her business. Presently she has all the basic requirements for her work and she works from home. We live in a 4 bed and converted one to her studio (fully furnished - AC tables shelves etc).

Over the years I have encouraged her to focus on entrepreneurship. This will give her total control of her time. This way the kids get her attention while she handles business which I hope to one day retire into. I make sure she doesn’t contribute her personal funds to the home as I advise her to save for rain days. I have encouraged her to work closely with my dad to earn experience as they share same profession hopefully take over the firm in time while I groom mine for which she is the major shareholder (I’m not even a shareholder).

Overall, do not look for a 9-5 like me, let’s grow a business.

However, she applies for jobs here and there. Just this morning she woke up as early as 4:30am applying for a customer service position and had to wake me up to correct her cover note.

At this point I feel like giving up on her. I feel she just wants to have a paying Job for whatever reason. But I know know the downsides; no time for the kids, 40-80% of income goes on expenses, work stress, regrets - now you can’t quit because you have to prove you can do it.

Am I being unreasonable telling her not to work and focus on developing her business skills?

NB: I have never discouraged her in her business rather encouraged/ advised and funded.

Modified: for those insisting I let her be, how do we plan our future if we share separate visions?? When has working ever made anyone rich??

If she gets an IOC opportunity I’ll definitely support tho, but these are not the toes she’s applying for 100k -300k

You simply married a lady that didn't share ur vision from the onset, you didn't take time to notice, this error is common because of love.
Now that she is like this, u can't stop her, you will have to watch her do whatever she wants, see d downsides before she gets back on your own vision, this may take years.
All in all, whatever u do right now that will stop means you are caging her and that's what she will tell u in future.
Again, she probably has someone who's advising her on that move.
Entrepreneurship is stressful, not all women want to do stressful things when their are easier ways to earn money, moreover, her husband has enough money for them to spend.

1 Like

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by gabbytabby: 10:51am On Sep 17, 2023

Entrepreneurship no be beans and salary job na office politics go kill person.

I would just advice to tell her if she can wait make children grow small say when them enter secondary but I know where her head dey. At that stage no work kee na deal breaker for me too. With the benefit of hindsight one realises it’s about making money while taking good care of your first responsibility (the children) especially when one has good support like you.

Hopefully she will see the light.

EkelediliBuhari:
Let’s agree this is my story….

Pardon my long write up but I needed to get a perspective from a fresh eye/mind. I’m married for 3 years now with 2infants.

Am I overthinking or does my wife have other plans?

My dad is an established accountant with over 3 decades of experience at the highest level of his occupation in 2 multinationals. He is now retired and consults. Presently, he lives a day at a times cos he barely has plans for his firm (he is over 70 and doesn’t have anybody he’s training his my mom).

I have a good career earning almost a million monthly with side gigs that keeps me liquid (meeting all my family’s basic needs). Monthly upkeep of 200k mainly for feeding while I pay utilities and still bring out cash (no fixed amount) from time to time. Presently am setting up a firm for contracting and consultancy.

My wife is a caterer (she loves cooking and baking) whom I have supported over the years. She has gotten much better and I have invested in her business. Presently she has all the basic requirements for her work and she works from home. We live in a 4 bed and converted one to her studio (fully furnished - AC tables shelves etc).

Over the years I have encouraged her to focus on entrepreneurship. This will give her total control of her time. This way the kids get her attention while she handles business which I hope to one day retire into. I make sure she doesn’t contribute her personal funds to the home as I advise her to save for rain days. I have encouraged her to work closely with my dad to earn experience as they share same profession hopefully take over the firm in time while I groom mine for which she is the major shareholder (I’m not even a shareholder).

Overall, do not look for a 9-5 like me, let’s grow a business.

However, she applies for jobs here and there. Just this morning she woke up as early as 4:30am applying for a customer service position and had to wake me up to correct her cover note.

At this point I feel like giving up on her. I feel she just wants to have a paying Job for whatever reason. But I know know the downsides; no time for the kids, 40-80% of income goes on expenses, work stress, regrets - now you can’t quit because you have to prove you can do it.

Am I being unreasonable telling her not to work and focus on developing her business skills?

NB: I have never discouraged her in her business rather encouraged/ advised and funded.

Modified: for those insisting I let her be, how do we plan our future if we share separate visions?? When has working ever made anyone rich??

If she gets an IOC opportunity I’ll definitely support tho, but these are not the toes she’s applying for 100k -300k

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by phemy36(m): 10:53am On Sep 17, 2023

EkelediliBuhari:
Let’s agree this is my story….

Pardon my long write up but I needed to get a perspective from a fresh eye/mind. I’m married for 3 years now with 2infants.

Am I overthinking or does my wife have other plans?

My dad is an established accountant with over 3 decades of experience at the highest level of his occupation in 2 multinationals. He is now retired and consults. Presently, he lives a day at a times cos he barely has plans for his firm (he is over 70 and doesn’t have anybody he’s training his my mom).

I have a good career earning almost a million monthly with side gigs that keeps me liquid (meeting all my family’s basic needs). Monthly upkeep of 200k mainly for feeding while I pay utilities and still bring out cash (no fixed amount) from time to time. Presently am setting up a firm for contracting and consultancy.

My wife is a caterer (she loves cooking and baking) whom I have supported over the years. She has gotten much better and I have invested in her business. Presently she has all the basic requirements for her work and she works from home. We live in a 4 bed and converted one to her studio (fully furnished - AC tables shelves etc).

Over the years I have encouraged her to focus on entrepreneurship. This will give her total control of her time. This way the kids get her attention while she handles business which I hope to one day retire into. I make sure she doesn’t contribute her personal funds to the home as I advise her to save for rain days. I have encouraged her to work closely with my dad to earn experience as they share same profession hopefully take over the firm in time while I groom mine for which she is the major shareholder (I’m not even a shareholder).

Overall, do not look for a 9-5 like me, let’s grow a business.

However, she applies for jobs here and there. Just this morning she woke up as early as 4:30am applying for a customer service position and had to wake me up to correct her cover note.

At this point I feel like giving up on her. I feel she just wants to have a paying Job for whatever reason. But I know know the downsides; no time for the kids, 40-80% of income goes on expenses, work stress, regrets - now you can’t quit because you have to prove you can do it.

Am I being unreasonable telling her not to work and focus on developing her business skills?

NB: I have never discouraged her in her business rather encouraged/ advised and funded.

Modified: for those insisting I let her be, how do we plan our future if we share separate visions?? When has working ever made anyone rich??

If she gets an IOC opportunity I’ll definitely support tho, but these are not the toes she’s applying for 100k -300k

Kindly avoid anything that has to do with Nigerian female. They are driven by emotions. Nothing on the upstairs. You can see from the way they respond to you clear write up. Forgetting that without clear purpose, compromising and cooperation in marriage failure abund. They think marriage is one way traffic. Do things the way that pleases you without considering other partners. That's the reason behind many failed marriages this days.

2 Likes

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by gabbytabby: 10:54am On Sep 17, 2023

I agrée with this too after discussion

EndRape2:
She might not like staying at home, neigbours hardly respect a woman at home, why not open her business outside your home, a mini fast food and bakery? Where she has to wake up and go to, not staying doors?

Also why do you want her to drop her own vision for yours? I think accepting her own vision, and helping her to buikd it, will bring peace in your home, some women can not be entrepreneurs, they prefer office work

You do not have problem in your marriage, just do not let foolish people advice you otherwise.

Open her bakery office outside the house
Or. Let her start the job.

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by louken(m): 10:57am On Sep 17, 2023

Probable causes:
She wants her money to be independent of yours. She doesn't want you to start beating your chest, claiming it was you that made her who she is.
She's afraid you might start claiming her business tomorrow or dictate to her how to spend her money.
Her ambition ab initio was to be a career woman.
She has friends who she takes advice from. She values their advice more than yours.
My advice:
Allow her to follow her mind. After doing that job for a couple of years, she will realize you have been right all along. Don't force your ideas on her.

3 Likes

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by Tallesty1(m): 10:58am On Sep 17, 2023

I just have this feeling that this guy is lying

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by SmartyPants(m): 10:59am On Sep 17, 2023

Mindlog:
And when they get to court, he would tell the judge that the end of the marriage was because she picked up a job against his wish and the court should grant him custody of their children.....las, las e go become bachelor again and the court mandating him to be regularly paying their children' school fees and sending their monthly upkeep money to the ex-wife who will later have another uncle who would be visiting her at home, taking care of her needs.

Whether or not they are together will he not foot the fees and expenses of his kids? That is a constant and has no bearing on the suggestion made by the person you quoted.

How and where her needs are met will not be any concern of his either.

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by Porksupplyib: 10:59am On Sep 17, 2023

When I hear people say "support your wife, support your wife in WHATEVER she wants to do etc I just smile.
You are all interesting people.

You forget the fact that the woman cannot always have her way as it was when she was a spinster. In marriage things are different. The woman will not always be logical. The home is a business on its own and it must not suffer.

Take for instance she gets a job in Abuja and they live in Lagos, you are saying the man should support her and let her go to Abuja? grin

You are all joking. Or maybe she says she want to be an actress and the man doesn't like it, he should still allow her? grin

Marriage comes with lots of sacrifices. And the 2 must sacrifice to make it work. This era of feminine push for career may work for some homes, but it won't work for every home.

Well, I blame the man. This is a talk they should have had a long time ago even before marriage. Now it will be a tough nut to crack

3 Likes

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by Grennpastures: 10:59am On Sep 17, 2023

Poster please if you don't mind. I am a married woman with two kids..I am very intelligent, people oriented and very open mind .please can I be trained.
Contact me on crownofglory1202@gmail.com

1 Like

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by SerLaery(m): 11:00am On Sep 17, 2023

EkelediliBuhari:
Let’s agree this is my story...

I agree this is your story.

Pardon my long write up but I needed to get a perspective from a fresh eye/mind. I’m married for 3 years now with 2infants.

I'm married for 3 years with a kid. Am I qualify to chip in some advice? Yes.

Am I overthinking or does my wife have other plans?

You might be overthinking things. Also, your wife must have reason(s) best known to her for attempting or applying for job(s). You know your family best.

My dad is an established accountant with over 3 decades of experience at the highest level of his occupation in 2 multinationals. He is now retired and consults. Presently, he lives a day at a times cos he barely has plans for his firm (he is over 70 and doesn’t have anybody he’s training his my mom).

I have a good career earning almost a million monthly with side gigs that keeps me liquid (meeting all my family’s basic needs). Monthly upkeep of 200k mainly for feeding while I pay utilities and still bring out cash (no fixed amount) from time to time. Presently am setting up a firm for contracting and consultancy.

My wife is a caterer (she loves cooking and baking) whom I have supported over the years. She has gotten much better and I have invested in her business. Presently she has all the basic requirements for her work and she works from home. We live in a 4 bed and converted one to her studio (fully furnished - AC tables shelves etc).

If what you said is true, sir. You have done well. People are looking for just a quarter of this gesture. I'm not trying to compare, it's just the reality around me

Over the years I have encouraged her to focus on entrepreneurship. This will give her total control of her time. This way the kids get her attention while she handles business which I hope to one day retire into. I make sure she doesn’t contribute her personal funds to the home as I advise her to save for rain days. I have encouraged her to work closely with my dad to earn experience as they share same profession hopefully take over the firm in time while I groom mine for which she is the major shareholder (I’m not even a shareholder).

The bolded part. You have a good intention as a man (head of the family). Your family well being is a priority as seen in your post

Overall, do not look for a 9-5 like me, let’s grow a business.

However, she applies for jobs here and there. Just this morning she woke up as early as 4:30am applying for a customer service position and had to wake me up to correct her cover note.

As for the reason she is applying for jobs. Maybe you should talk more on that. It's kinda strange after all you stated above.

At this point I feel like giving up on her. I feel she just wants to have a paying Job for whatever reason. But I know know the downsides; no time for the kids, 40-80% of income goes on expenses, work stress, regrets - now you can’t quit because you have to prove you can do it.

Am I being unreasonable telling her not to work and focus on developing her business skills?

NB: I have never discouraged her in her business rather encouraged/ advised and funded.

Modified: for those insisting I let her be, how do we plan our future if we share separate visions?? When has working ever made anyone rich??

If she gets an IOC opportunity I’ll definitely support tho, but these are not the toes she’s applying for 100k -300k

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by Obierika(m): 11:04am On Sep 17, 2023

EkelediliBuhari:
I preach this independence every other day… working is really not independence as you need a thriving company to pay you salaries… she makes good money from her business too… frankly I think am missing something…

Have you considered the possibility that some of those who give her catering contracts may be pestering her for sex?

This happens more than people care to admit so I suggest you ask her directly

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by SerLaery(m): 11:05am On Sep 17, 2023

Grennpastures:
Poster please if you don't mind. I am a married woman with two kids..I am very intelligent, people oriented and very open mind .please can I be trained.
Contact me on crownofglory1202@gmail.com

The OP is in a difficult position regarding his family. He is seeking for advice not providing assistance of any kind.

2 Likes

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by easzypeaszy(m): 11:06am On Sep 17, 2023

EkelediliBuhari:
Let’s agree this is my story….

Pardon my long write up but I needed to get a perspective from a fresh eye/mind. I’m married for 3 years now with 2infants.

Am I overthinking or does my wife have other plans?

My dad is an established accountant with over 3 decades of experience at the highest level of his occupation in 2 multinationals. He is now retired and consults. Presently, he lives a day at a times cos he barely has plans for his firm (he is over 70 and doesn’t have anybody he’s training his my mom).

I have a good career earning almost a million monthly with side gigs that keeps me liquid (meeting all my family’s basic needs). Monthly upkeep of 200k mainly for feeding while I pay utilities and still bring out cash (no fixed amount) from time to time. Presently am setting up a firm for contracting and consultancy.

My wife is a caterer (she loves cooking and baking) whom I have supported over the years. She has gotten much better and I have invested in her business. Presently she has all the basic requirements for her work and she works from home. We live in a 4 bed and converted one to her studio (fully furnished - AC tables shelves etc).

Over the years I have encouraged her to focus on entrepreneurship. This will give her total control of her time. This way the kids get her attention while she handles business which I hope to one day retire into. I make sure she doesn’t contribute her personal funds to the home as I advise her to save for rain days. I have encouraged her to work closely with my dad to earn experience as they share same profession hopefully take over the firm in time while I groom mine for which she is the major shareholder (I’m not even a shareholder).

Overall, do not look for a 9-5 like me, let’s grow a business.

However, she applies for jobs here and there. Just this morning she woke up as early as 4:30am applying for a customer service position and had to wake me up to correct her cover note.

At this point I feel like giving up on her. I feel she just wants to have a paying Job for whatever reason. But I know know the downsides; no time for the kids, 40-80% of income goes on expenses, work stress, regrets - now you can’t quit because you have to prove you can do it.

Am I being unreasonable telling her not to work and focus on developing her business skills?

NB: I have never discouraged her in her business rather encouraged/ advised and funded.

Modified: for those insisting I let her be, how do we plan our future if we share separate visions?? When has working ever made anyone rich??

If she gets an IOC opportunity I’ll definitely support tho, but these are not the toes she’s applying for 100k -300k

Please allow her to work.. Humans are never satisfied until dey hv to pay fr it one way or the other.. Especially married women.
Let her get her job n by time she see shege, insults, stress, restlessness, pressure from Customer service job ehhn na she go run comot by den don't gv her any support immediately until her head totally format fr good.
Dis may sound like waste of time like 1yr but dis current one u are dragging can tk 5yrs to 10yrs to settle n na u go still chop blame

Women wahala too much as dey are Born or Naturally Brutal but men are pushed to it.

My advise as a Married Man.

4 Likes

Re: Am I Being Unreasonable Or Is My Wife Selfish? by phemy36(m): 11:08am On Sep 17, 2023

Dennisochampa:
Your wife may have passion for working under people which I find strange especially given the fact that she currently doesn't lack anything.
That's one thing with all these career women.
Not until their career costs them their homes and happiness, they will never be wise.
Let me tell you what I think will happen...
When you're kids are a little older and your wife gets a demanding job, you will be compelled to hire a house help because she can no longer cope with house chores, work and catering for the kids and if the house help is pretty, you will either bang her and get her pregnant because she's doing what you'd wife isn't, or you will get depressed and tired of complaining and begin to cheat....
If all you have said so far is exactly what is happening, then you're not unreasonable, you're not selfish..you're just a typical man looking out for his family and trying to secure a future.
If your wife is sensible and can see the future, she will become flexible and try to adapt to your dreams for the family.
Keep trying to make her see reasons that the path she's threading now will make things only get worse for your family.
I wonder who have the opportunity to be her own boss but still chooses to be answering sir and ma up and down.
May God help you and protect your home and family..... Amen

May God bless you 💯. I don't understand the kind of female we have this day. Their thinking is shallow

2 Likes

1 2 3 4 5 6 Reply

Am I Being Paranoid? Please Help Me • I Am Being Unreasonable With My Wife??? • Car Issue: Am I Being Fair To My Wife? • 2 • 3 • 4

How My Dad's Loving Words Made Me A Better Person • Dad Found Daughter Alive 11 Months After She Disappeared With Boyfriend • Man Rents Out Wife’s Room, Relocates Her To The Parlour