₦airaland Forum

Nengiraw:
Thank you!! I felt the age gap was too much and he was already coming for me in a weird manner. if I missed his calls. When I call him back, he starts being mad that I missed his calls, and it was not just normal calls, it was video calls, and I told him I didn’t like video calls, yet he will be blasting my phone unannounced with it.

Abeg stand your ground
No gree for the man, no gree for your family. If everything goes south, na you go bear am.

I'll advice you block the guy.

Send me your picture I want Messimerized

Nengiraw:
Thank you. I have actually already blocked him, because for the life of me, my mental can’t deal with a lot of things surrounding him, even if I decide to marry him, I don’t know how the first wife will feel, cause I know that she will definitely still be in his life, because of their daughter, who still stays with the mother, and he has her on the weekend. He even started comparing me and the wife, saying that I look more attractive than her, so now she is ugly. I just felt it was childish of him, and I don’t want a man like that to be my husband

Aunty, it's obvious you have too much time for nonsense from men...

That man obviously want to have you and still hold down his wife....

For you to even allow him do a video call with you gives him that impression you're desperate or maybe you're considering his offer...

Just relax, your man will find you soonest...

One love!!

darkmarky:
because she already likes him. People will still do what they want to do so no need for advise.

Acidosis:
Of course. It is better to remain single at 40 than marry a scammer with mid-life crisis at the age of 25. What advice do you give your sisters?

he you know the 40yrs midnight dreams, you will scram. Marry now, secure your flower,have your kids and deal with the other things. I did not hear the guy was a woman beater,did you?

Biglittlelois:
Even fools grow old sha, imagine a 40 year old man behaving like that, lying about his profession, badmouthing his wife to another woman, for him to use Ned Nwoko as a yardstick shows he is not to be taken serious, Ned doesn't even practice polygamy cos none of his other wives are with him only Regina, his other children don't even talk to each other so Ned is not even a good example for polygamous marriages, he doesnt even have one tenth of Ned's wealth so why is he bringing up Ned as a yardstick?

And why are your family trying to push him to you knowing he's still married with a child? They are blinded by his profession because of money or what?

where have you been? I have been fantasizing about you since your absence. Thank god you are back. I can fulfill my carnal fantasy

IconicR:
Chop his money if he's rich and dust his hypocritical ass when you are done.

Zero pity on married men who don't allow single ladies to rest

I want to sample you

Acidosis:
How do you broke shame people you don't know online? Go and make money yhen yhen.. If I post my weekly earning here, are you sure your annual salary can match??

okay

Na so I open mouth dey read this your post lol.
My dear, you don't deserve this type of wahala in your life. Cut bro off completely, and don't worry about your family, they will be fine.
However, there's no big deal dating an older person, if your vibes match, you'll definitely be convinced as they are usually experienced and also better with pampering. This one has loads of issues to settle, you don't deserve to be a part of all that. Calm down and you'll get a single guy that'll be as ready as you are and will treat you right, no pressure, you're still young!

Germi9:
There are eligible men in Nigeria

True but what marriageable ladies face these days is that "Dicks are everywhere (even if they want 10 per day) but you see that thing called commitment is actually scares to find"

saysoo:
he you know the 40yrs midnight dreams, you will scram. Marry now, secure your flower,have your kids and deal with the other things. I did not hear the guy was a woman beater,did you?

The last woman that got flogged' by a man didn't survive it. One was very lucky recently, on Friday precisely. She regained consciousness on her way to the mortuary. Both incidences occured in Lagos. (sources: Twitter).

You can reserve your advice for your sisters. I believe the op has made up her mind.

bukatyne:
Why exactly did you open this thread?

You don't want a married man; you don't want an older man; he has several red flags etc.

What exactly do you want us to deliberate?

Thank you!

Acidosis:
The last woman that got flogged' by a man didn't survive it. One was very lucky recently, on Friday precisely. She regained consciousness on her way to the mortuary. Both incidences occured in Lagos. (sources: Twitter).

You can reserve your advice for your sisters. I believe the op has made up her mind.

did the op mention that the man is a woman beater? Simple question.

saysoo:
did the op mention that the man is a woman beater? Simple question.

No. You brought it up. According to you, a woman should tolerate anything (including professional lies, polygamy, et al.). You also said that a woman should stay so long as the man is not a woman beater. In response, I gave you an example of a woman who never had a second chance to process her decision to stay or live with a woman beater after one round of merciless flogging. She died on the spot.

Nengiraw:
Hello nairalanders, please I need help on this situation. So I’m a lady in her mid 20’s. I’m actually very much set for marriage in the eyes of my family, since society deem it fit to place marriage as an achievement for women, and always bring up your age to remind you to. Anyways, it’s not a priority for me to get married now, as I feel like I’m not ready mentally,and I have a lot of trauma to work on, but I’m also open to it, if it’s in my face and ready. I don’t stay in Nigeria, so my family don’t know if I have a man in my life, so they decided upon themselves to introduce me to a man who is my uncle’s friend that stays in the same country as me. They were more focus on the fact that he comes from a neighboring village from us and that he was a doctor. (Meanwhile he’s actually a nurse, but he told them, that he was a doctor, he also never mentioned to them that he was married and had a child, before they decided to introduce him to me)

So we eventually started talking on WhatsApp, he saw some of my pictures already and he was mesmerized. In fact he was already kind of making me his wife in that moment. So one day he called me and we were just talking,and I heard like a toddler crying so bad and needed his attention, I asked him who was that , he told me it was his daughter, there was this awkward silence for almost five minutes of us not saying anything, so I told him I’ll call him back. I called my mother that day and was mad as hell, that they didn’t disclose such information to me, but from my mother’s reaction she had no idea, and she was also mad and she told me, she will call me back, so she could verify from my uncle, since that’s his friend. Even my uncle too had no idea. To cut the whole story short, he later called me the next day on a video call, and he started telling me about his wife( Yes! She’s still his wife, because I don’t think he has divorced her yet)and how abusive she was, and how he tried to make it work, but she was so crazy and stuff like that. That he’s actually trying to get shared custody of the child. That he’s no longer married to her. I was not really having it, because I just felt like he wasn’t being honest with certain things and on top of that his wife is still in the picture, and I don’t know if I want to settle for that. Also he just turned 40, and I’m 25. So the age gap is too much for me. Also I have not met him in real life, cause he stays in a different state from me, my family still wanted me to be open minded until I see him in person, then I could make a decision if I want him or not. He always sends me pictures of his daughter, and he recently sent me one with his first wife and daughter, I was surprised that he did, and he said he wanted to show me the daughter instead. I still felt like I didn’t need to see a picture of her. I started seeing the red flags of him that I couldn’t settle with. Also the way he talked about the wife was vulgar, and I felt like he didn’t need to tell me about her in that manner.

Now the most recent thing he started doing was sending me random stuff about marriage to my WhatsApp. I usually glance at it,and don’t reply, cause I don’t know why he’s sending me that. The one that gave me a major big red flag from him, is when he sent where Regina daniels( the actress who married Ned nwoko) was talking about marrying her husband a virgin and how it’s important to be a virgin. He then asked me if I was one. Honestly I felt really numb, because I don’t know why he will be asking me stuff like that, when he didn’t really get a respond back from me, he proceeded to send another message telling me, “No mind them sha, virgin no sabi. With a heart eye emoji. I was dumbfounded, I didn’t know how to reply to him anymore. I stopped picking up his calls and I have no intention to meet up with him anymore. Now my family is mad at me, saying that at least I should see him in person, but I don’t want to. In fact I’m no longer interested in him. Please am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? Thanks.

To me the ages difference isn't much considering you ages.
But on the hand there are too many red flags which personally i will advise you to stay clear from the man.

Pacesetter123:
Thank you!

OP never tell us the exact thing she dey find.

saysoo:
he you know the 40yrs midnight dreams, you will scram. Marry now, secure your flower,have your kids and deal with the other things. I did not hear the guy was a woman beater,did you?

You people are wicked! How many people out there did this your formulae walk out for?

So, na only man beater they make for bad marriage? There are so many people out there stuck in unhappy marriages all because they listened to this nonsense advice, and you could even be one of those unhappy-in-marriage people yourself. Yet here you are boldly preaching the same mistake to this young girl. How very wicked.

bukatyne:
OP never tell us the exact thing she dey find.

Ah dey tell you my sister.

You said you were mad with your parents upon discovering that the man is already a family man, you said he used insulting words on his wife, you said 15 years gap is too much for you,etc.
And you said you have taken a decision to cancel the planned visit/meeting with him and that you won't marry him cause of the red flags you have seen.

But you then still come and asked us to advise you whether you have taken the right decision or not.

So if we tell you now that you are not right by taking the decision, you will rescind your earlier decision and marry him?

So just as you av said my sister......the babe never tell us wetin she really wants..oo.

Do not neglect red flag, never. Just play along but do not give him

Biglittlelois:
The bolded, are you willfully blind or what, why are you trying to paint the mother in a bad light because she's against having anything to do with a married man? Op was first mad and angry after that discovery and the mum reacted same way too so what exactly are you driving at? she stated clearly for all to see that he lied about his profession and she also said she doesnt like him in her other comments, he degrades and insults his wife to the Op, that shows the small mindedness of a so called adult who thinks bringing down a person will favour him in the eyes of a potential, thinking all females will be ok with that kind of attitude, that shows bad character and huge red flags, he is not a good person so one has to be careful and avoid that kind of human because if she decides to marry him, he can do same thing to Op, he is deceitful, he is not a good person.

chill... it's obvious the parents want an in-law that isn't based in Nigeria from the end up...Mama too wants to travel out for omugwo!! It's evident from from her last part.

Nengiraw:
Hello nairalanders, please I need help on this situation. So I’m a lady in her mid 20’s. I’m actually very much set for marriage in the eyes of my family, since society deem it fit to place marriage as an achievement for women, and always bring up your age to remind you to. Anyways, it’s not a priority for me to get married now, as I feel like I’m not ready mentally,and I have a lot of trauma to work on, but I’m also open to it, if it’s in my face and ready. I don’t stay in Nigeria, so my family don’t know if I have a man in my life, so they decided upon themselves to introduce me to a man who is my uncle’s friend that stays in the same country as me. They were more focus on the fact that he comes from a neighboring village from us and that he was a doctor. (Meanwhile he’s actually a nurse, but he told them, that he was a doctor, he also never mentioned to them that he was married and had a child, before they decided to introduce him to me)

So we eventually started talking on WhatsApp, he saw some of my pictures already and he was mesmerized. In fact he was already kind of making me his wife in that moment. So one day he called me and we were just talking,and I heard like a toddler crying so bad and needed his attention, I asked him who was that , he told me it was his daughter, there was this awkward silence for almost five minutes of us not saying anything, so I told him I’ll call him back. I called my mother that day and was mad as hell, that they didn’t disclose such information to me, but from my mother’s reaction she had no idea, and she was also mad and she told me, she will call me back, so she could verify from my uncle, since that’s his friend. Even my uncle too had no idea. To cut the whole story short, he later called me the next day on a video call, and he started telling me about his wife( Yes! She’s still his wife, because I don’t think he has divorced her yet)and how abusive she was, and how he tried to make it work, but she was so crazy and stuff like that. That he’s actually trying to get shared custody of the child. That he’s no longer married to her. I was not really having it, because I just felt like he wasn’t being honest with certain things and on top of that his wife is still in the picture, and I don’t know if I want to settle for that. Also he just turned 40, and I’m 25. So the age gap is too much for me. Also I have not met him in real life, cause he stays in a different state from me, my family still wanted me to be open minded until I see him in person, then I could make a decision if I want him or not. He always sends me pictures of his daughter, and he recently sent me one with his first wife and daughter, I was surprised that he did, and he said he wanted to show me the daughter instead. I still felt like I didn’t need to see a picture of her. I started seeing the red flags of him that I couldn’t settle with. Also the way he talked about the wife was vulgar, and I felt like he didn’t need to tell me about her in that manner.

Now the most recent thing he started doing was sending me random stuff about marriage to my WhatsApp. I usually glance at it,and don’t reply, cause I don’t know why he’s sending me that. The one that gave me a major big red flag from him, is when he sent where Regina daniels( the actress who married Ned nwoko) was talking about marrying her husband a virgin and how it’s important to be a virgin. He then asked me if I was one. Honestly I felt really numb, because I don’t know why he will be asking me stuff like that, when he didn’t really get a respond back from me, he proceeded to send another message telling me, “No mind them sha, virgin no sabi. With a heart eye emoji. I was dumbfounded, I didn’t know how to reply to him anymore. I stopped picking up his calls and I have no intention to meet up with him anymore. Now my family is mad at me, saying that at least I should see him in person, but I don’t want to. In fact I’m no longer interested in him. Please am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? Thanks.

I really love the way you made attempt to play along and along the line, you started loosing interest even when you guys have not seen each other

I think you lost interest when he never told you anything about his wife, Wether current wife or about to be divorced

I will advise you don't let any one force you into marriage

Wait till you get a man of your choice and you will fall in love and you will appreciate him even if he has attitude issues that you can manage or cope with

IconicR:
I fear STDs and HIV more than fire and that's why I don't like men that sleeps around
Things irritate me a lot, and the thought of a man being with another woman out there he knows nothing about her health status and still coming back to me with that same body is dangerous, I sabi fear ooo.
I'm not even used to sharing common things talk more of someone I'll be having intimacy with, I can't oooo. It's scary

from the exchange between you and that fella, I've picked up signs that he is you typa man. You seem to have this unspoken fondness for him, but you may deny this. You said he is not a woman basher from the comments you've been noticing coming from him. You seem to have been keeping a little eye on him. You might still deny this too, and I won't say I wasn't expecting it. You've given him his flowers, seamlessly. You only wished he wasn't the cheating type, but his indirect comments have become clear to you that he is like the rest if them out there. Maybe he's the ladies type of man, but still you aren't all too comfortable with him not a hundred percent condemning men who will still fall for other women besides their wives. You wish you had him. He wishes he can bed you (he will come and deny it, but let me borrow his own words, "that's a lie from the pit of hell ". A connection is establishing, but you have subtle told him what you fear and dislike - sharing the intimacy of your man with other ladies who's sexual health he knows nothing about.

The two of you should gettatttt! 😂😂 Only those who are naive and not smart will not see the brewing connection between both of you. That man must have read where u replied another saying how attractive you look offline, and that the guy would have to sell his relatives for rituals to even be able to afford you(funny tho) 😅😅 and the weakness he talked about may have already started kicking in. See ba, both if you have your way, wallahi tallahi, you'll both reach out to each other. The only thing is that, we won't know, since it goes down in the DM/email things.

God is watching you all oh

Adultery is still a sin oh. I know he sounds like the perfect ladies man, which is most ungodly women's weaknesses , but fight the urge. Haha.

Abeg, my mouth will not kill me. Tarrh! If so, I for done die since😂😂
Better I talk, since I'll still die in the end.

Acidosis:
A 40 year old nurse lying and claiming another man's profession is a scammer. There is nothing to meet.

If at the age of 40, you cannot tell people what you do for a living, then something is seriously wrong somewhere.

Like I said, be calming down.

PaulOtl:
from the exchange between you and that fella, I've picked up signs that he is you typa man. You seem to have this unspoken fondness for him, but you may deny this. You said he is not a woman basher from the comments you've been noticing coming from him. You seem to have been keeping a little eye on him. You might still deny this too, and I won't say I wasn't expecting it. You've given him his flowers, seamlessly. You only wished he wasn't the cheating type, but his indirect comments have become clear to you that he is like the rest if them out there. Maybe he's the ladies type of man, but still you aren't all too comfortable with him not a hundred percent condemning men who will still fall for other women besides their wives. You wish you had him. He wishes he can bed you (he will come and deny it, but let me borrow his own words, "that's a lie from the pit of hell ". A connection is establishing, but you have subtle told him what you fear and dislike - sharing the intimacy of your man with other ladies who's sexual health he knows nothing about.

The two of you should gettatttt! 😂😂 Only those who are naive and not smart will not see the brewing connection between both of you. That man must have read where u replied another saying how attractive you look offline, and that the guy would have to sell his relatives for rituals to even be able to afford you(funny tho) 😅😅 and the weakness he talked about may have already started kicking in. See ba, both if you have your way, wallahi tallahi, you'll both reach out to each other. The only thing is that, we won't know, since it goes down in the DM/email things.

God is watching you all oh

Adultery is still a sin oh. I know he sounds like the perfect ladies man, which is most ungodly women's weaknesses , but fight the urge. Haha.

Abeg, my mouth will not kill me. Tarrh! If so, I for done die since😂😂
Better I talk, since I'll still die in the end.

Be doing analysis over a married man.
Didn't you also read he's married

Nengiraw:
him. Please am I wrong for feeling the way I feel? Thanks.

...As for you, Op. Don't let me slap you with an e-slap from over here , ooh.

In your replies to comments on here you claimed to have seen all the red flags, and had already even blocked the man on WhatsApp?
Ehen? So what then are you bringing this irritating topic or story to us here on Nairaland for?? Attention seeking?
Self appraisal?
Oh, should I point out the part where you said he already saw a picture (or was it pictures) of you and he was " mesmerized "
Save us the details, we know what you were trying to say there.
Abi, weren't you the one who sent him the photos? So why are you now making him look like a thirsty fella , when you had already known that sending him the pics would invoke such " mesmerizing" feelings? Abi you want other Nairaland men to know you are drop-dead gorgeous? Ok, I see...

You know he is married...has a kid (or maybe more ), has his wife still in the family picture...Then what are you telling us all these for, if you already see things that you feel are total red flags for you??
Or, is it that he is rich ?
Or , like some comments have asked already, '' is your family owing him any money " that you are aware of, and not telling us?
Ok. Fine. If the above is not the case, then how come with all the so-called red flags you claimed to have seen, you are still asking us for advice? Advice or opinions, which one did you really ask for? I mean, you seem to already know what to do. You said you blocked him.

And how come the question asking you about your virginity status sent you into an instant angry mood? Could you not have just answered him, if you felt there was nothing too much to it? I mean, for someone who you sent your picture too, or have been chatting with, I see no reason why you both couldn't have that conversation on virginity status. Since the two of you know that marriage topic is what even brought you both to knowing each other personally.

You just got upset when he asked that question. But he didn't get upset when you asked him about his wife and kid, when you got to know he has them.
Weldone! Na you wise pass bah...

Please, tell him upfront that you can't marry him. Stop looking for online or offline validation from strangers. You already know what is good for you.
Eh, we have heard, you are beautiful. Eh, we know you live abroad(so that potential suitors would know the level you are on, and asses themselves first before approaching ), we know you are young , in your mid 20s (25) and would like to find a suitable young man to get married to.
Some of us understand the handwriting on this wall. You can kill two birds with one stone (with this one topic you posted)

Smart girl.

Nobody should quote me. I'm going to bed right now, and won't answer you even.
What? It's lengthy? Ehh, read am or scroll past it. That one no concern me, na OP I dey give my advice, abi na opinion to.
🚶🚶

You kept emphasizing on the age gap as if it is 60 years gap. There are many things which should be of greater concern, not 15 years age gap which is not a big deal. if he's not divorced, stop talking to him. If he's divorced, do other independent findings.

Acidosis:
No. You brought it up. According to you, a woman should tolerate anything (including professional lies, polygamy, et al.). You also said that a woman should stay so long as the man is not a woman beater. In response, I gave you an example of a woman who never had a second chance to process her decision to stay or live with a woman beater after one round of merciless flogging. She died on the spot.

you said that before.

IconicR:
Be doing analysis over a married man.
Didn't you also read he's married

You're not talking smart tonight, oh, Rozz.
Didn't you also not read to understand that I said he is married.
Why did I now talk about adultery still being a sin?? Abi, are you one of those who think adultery is fornication in general, and not when a married individual is in the mix...

Yes, I will be doing analysis over a married man. I was just trying to knock you back to your usual Rozz self, since you were getting carried away by the online stranger , a while ago. I'm sure you didn't know he was married before tonight. Kinda disappointing, isn't it...now you won't be observing his feeds henceforth...since no need
You don't do married men. Unless it's just to chop their money (going by what u said ). And them chopping your body in return.
But I don't think that's what you want anymore, not at this point...I know you want real selfish love. "He's only mine "

Rozz, it is well jareeee. You moveeee

Modified: Okay, I can even see that you have even changed profile pic to show us a sneak peak at your endowments. why hide the face? If you can sexually objectify yourself, then do it will your full chest (not that one in the dp oh) nau. Be proud of what you are doing. Abi because people you know offline may be on this sight? No nau, you aren't doing anything bad ...so be free. Smh...
Ladies, ehhn...chai, they are all the same , I swear. They love the attention and thirst traps they set for men. You don't want to share you future husband with other women, but you see nothing wrong in showcasing your body endowments to all and sundry. You can't have your cake and eat it

To the rest of you men reading this, Omo, choose your wife very wisely oh. These women think it's all about showing us big asses or big titties, for us to worship them and desire them. NOPE... Tell them it ain't about that.
You want a God-fearing man for marriage, but you are doing ungodly things, yourself. Cannot fit to work...Ko le work ooh. May God never answer those kinds of prayers until you too become the God-fearing woman that a God-fearing man would want to marry.

Breast and ass ain't everything!

Peace! ✌️
If you like rant...na una sabi. Fault the truth, with evidence.

Naudeyrushme:
Send me your picture I want Messimerized

Abi ooo 😅😅
She say it's, " mesmerized "

Dey promote yourself here with style. Let gullible men dey send you PMs. Smart.

Acidosis:
No. You brought it up. According to you, a woman should tolerate anything (including professional lies, polygamy, et al.). You also said that a woman should stay so long as the man is not a woman beater. In response, I gave you an example of a woman who never had a second chance to process her decision to stay or live with a woman beater after one round of merciless flogging. She died on the spot.

Am sorry for your troubles. Are you from a broken home? I can feel the pain.

PaulOtl:
You're not talking smart tonight, oh, Rozz.
Didn't you also not read to understand that I said he is married.
Why did I now talk about adultery still being a sin?? Abi, are you one of those who think adultery is fornication in general, and not when a married individual is in the mix...

Yes, I will be doing analysis over a married man. I was just trying to knock you back to your usual Rozz self, since you were getting carried away by the online stranger , a while ago. I'm sure you didn't know he was married before tonight. Kinda disappointing, isn't it...now you won't be observing his feeds henceforth...since no need
You don't do married men. Unless it's just to chop their money (going by what u said ). And them chopping your body in return.
But I don't think that's what you want anymore, not at this point...I know you want real selfish love. "He's only mine "

Rozz, it is well jareeee. You moveeee

Modified: Okay, I can even see that you have even changed profile pic to show us a sneak peak at your endowments. why hide the face? If you can sexually objectify yourself, then do it will your full chest (not that one in the dp oh) nau. Be proud of what you are doing. Abi because people you know offline may be on this sight? No nau, you aren't doing anything bad ...so be free. Smh...
Ladies, ehhn...chai, they are all the same , I swear. They love the attention and thirst traps they set for men. You don't want to share you future husband with other women, but you see nothing wrong in showcasing your body endowments to all and sundry. You can't have your cake and eat it

To the rest of you men reading this, Omo, choose your wife very wisely oh. These women think it's all about showing us big asses or big titties, for us to worship them and desire them. NOPE... Tell them it ain't about that.
You want a God-fearing man for marriage, but you are doing ungodly things, yourself. Cannot fit to work...Ko le work ooh. May God never answer those kinds of prayers until you too become the God-fearing woman that a God-fearing man would want to marry.

Breast and ass ain't everything!

Peace! ✌️
If you like rant...na una sabi. Fault the truth, with evidence.

My padi since my early days on nairaland na him get this epistles 😂😂😂😂

Franchas na better man

Manlikefranchas
Manwesabibetterthing
If I want him I'll get him but the question is do I want to rumble with a married man?
You can answer the question by yourself since you already know too much

Pacesetter123:
Ah dey tell you my sister.

You said you were mad with your parents upon discovering that the man is already a family man, you said he used insulting words on his wife, you said 15 years gap is too much for you,etc.
And you said you have taken a decision to cancel the planned visit/meeting with him and that you won't marry him cause of the red flags you have seen.

But you then still come and asked us to advise you whether you have taken the right decision or not.

So if we tell you now that you are not right by taking the decision, you will rescind your earlier decision and marry him?

So just as you av said my sister......the babe never tell us wetin she really wants..oo.

Maybe the thread na cruise or to gbe wa lowo Jo.